Not really sure how to prove all of these, but I think I still have my temple recommend so I'll grab that later (kids are asleep right now and also I'm lazy), but here's a picture on my wedding day outside of the temple we got married in, this is a poster from a comedy show I did, and here is a link to my Tiny House Nation article (you have to buy the episode, but please don't watch it, I was so pregnant and so cringy and mormon.)

Ex-Mormon: I converted to the religion at 14 when my narcissistic mother married an inactive member (my step dad, a truly wonderful human being and the only member of my family I still talk to). We were baptized at the same time and I hated everything about it. I went to seminary all through high school (bribed with an iPod Nano, anyone remember those??) then went to BYU to pursue my college education. I remember thinking the first day I got there, "It's raining, why the hell is everyone smiling and/or balding?" I met my ex-husband at the apartment complex we both lived in and we got married after a year of dating in the Manti, Utah temple. It was a truly beautiful building and I'm glad I got to see it. We were married for 5ish years and had two amazing kids together. I was at my Bishop's office being "called" (assigned) a high position in the women's organization of the church, a Relief Society First Counselor, while my husband was at home reading the CES letter (an 84-page publication that challenges the claims of the LDS church). When I came home, he told me he was having doubts and wanted to leave. I never felt like I fit in with the church, but this information terrified me because we had kids and I had been told that I needed to provide a worthy father for my children. Around the time of the election, I started seeing my own doubts as well and we left together. About 6 months later, we divorced.

Tiny House: We began built a tiny house together and applied to the FYI network TV show Tiny House Nation and got on! It was super fun to film and we got a ton of free supplies for our house. We lived in it for about a year, but could only legally park in RV parks. The one we chose (oddly enough, ended up next to the tiny house owners who filmed their episode right after ours) was too far away from my kids' school and my University. We decided to move into student housing on campus for ease of commute.

Comedy: I've been doing standup for about a year and a half now. Most recently, I bombed at an apartment complex show, but my greatest accomplishment was performing to a sold out show of 400 people at the Mesa Theater Grand Junction, Colorado. It was the best set I've ever done and one of my favorite life experiences. I stumbled upon an open mic one night when I went out after the kids went to bed. My ex and I were separated, but still living in the same house until we figured out a plan. I would leave in the evenings because we had only recently moved in and didn't have furniture. The open mic was ok, but the host said anyone could do it. So I got a set together and went the next week. Didn't do terrible, but not great either. Then I just...never stopped.

So now I'm a single mom of 2 working my first real job and excelling, moving up in the comedy scene, and wondering what the hell to do with my life. Suggestions are welcome.

Edit: I’m going to thanksgiving dinner now ( got a pie) so I’ll answer the rest later. Thanks for all the questions guys!

Edit 2: since people keep asking and I posted my the link to my own profile LIKE AN IDIOT the first time, here’s the link to my next show. It would be so cool to meet some reddit people! Please don’t tell everyone I suck:

Edit 3: this one has been asked a lot, some kindly, some not so much. Why do I specify ex Mormon when people don’t say ex-catholic etc? For reference, take a look at the amount of questions people have had on this post about the religion and why I left. It seems like something people are curious about and it’s a big part of my life, so I thought I’d include it. Since the Mormon church is viewed as kind of “cult-y,” I think it’s more comparable to when people say they’re ex-polygamists or left the Amish community. And lastly, it’s not like that’s how I introduce myself, this was strictly for AMA purposes. Chill, my dudes.

Comments: 981 • Responses: 113  • Date: 

Gabinsca703 karma

I just remembered it's Thanksgiving...and that I was supposed to make a pie. Letting down a third family in 3 years, ama.

Vanessaronicatoria293 karma

You're fine, some stores are still open where you can grab a pie. You got dis, you're not a let down!

Gabinsca193 karma

I needed this.

ParkwayDrivers391 karma

Forgive me if this is too personal. What role did your leaving of the church play in the divorce? Was the timing merely coincidental?

Gabinsca862 karma

Not too personal at all.

I'd say a large role, but not for the reasons one might expect. We both decided to leave the church at different times and supported each other, there were no issues there. But after we left, we realized our main compatibility was entirely focused on the church. We didn't have a lot in common otherwise.

Szeraax335 karma

That's too bad. I've had some friends getting married without really seeing if they like each other. "He's breathing and worthy. What else is there??"

Gabinsca300 karma

That's a big part of what it was with me as well. Plus he was the first man who was ever good to me so I didn't think I'd find that again.

CornCobMcGee32 karma

Do you still retain any kind of friendship or such?

Gabinsca118 karma

We keep in close contact because we share custody 50/50 with our two young kids.

I think he's still pretty hurt by how I treated him during the divorce, but he's really easy to deal with and has our kids best interest in mind. So we're cool.

barleyqueen63 karma

By how you treated him? Is it too invasive for me to ask what that means? Just ignore me if it is. Breakups are always hard and information on what not to do is useful.

Gabinsca100 karma

I was really insensitive and cold, I think it was a defense mechanism because I’ve always shut down negative emotions and detached. There was a lot that happened, but I don’t want to betray his privacy.

myope-uk316 karma

I am an ex-mormon too. Personally I found the loss of that community the hardest part.

Did you feel the same and if so, what did you do to fill that void?

Gabinsca285 karma

Absolutely felt the same, especially since I didn't have family to turn to.

I got into comedy right away and developed a very active and solid friend group so that helped a ton.

halflistic_174 karma

Current Mormon here. Just because you left the church, doesn’t mean we can’t be friends 👍🏻

I’ve lived in a lot of different cities all over the US and most of my friends are not LDS and they love hanging out.

We can all have different views and still get along, I have found.

Gabinsca135 karma

Absolutely! I have nothing against Members, thanks for popping in :)

bygoneunicorn53 karma

Another ex-Mormon here. Finding an ex-Mormon community on reddit was a huge help in my transition out. I’m curious if you have used the exmormon sub as a resource because you are both a reddit user and an exmo. Thanks for your time!

Gabinsca154 karma

I did at first, but found that I’m not as hurt by the church as they are. Plus my ex frequents that sub and I wanted to let him have that space.

RestingBitFace275 karma

Who are your comedian idols/heroes?

Gabinsca283 karma

Iliza Schlesinger was the first comedian I ever saw on TV. I love how "un-lady like" she is. She was also the first comedian I saw live.

Other than her, I love Beth Stelling (appears on The Standups on Netflix) and Rory Scovel (has the absolute best Netflix special I've ever seen.)

bk1285104 karma

Ever hear of bill squire? He’s also an ex Mormon comedian out of Cleveland and also co hosts the Alan Cox show?

Gabinsca101 karma

I haven't but I'll look him up! Where I am, everyone has attachments to the church and comedians who base their comedy on that super suck.

Nicholbomb223 karma

What’s it like having sex in a tiny house?

Gabinsca375 karma

To be totally honest...I don't remember? We didn't really do it a lot (imminent divorce probably had something to do with it) because I had just had our second baby and was getting my CNA/going to school full time. We were super exhausted constantly.

PMmeALLtheFUNNYstuff286 karma

Tiny house construction is super cool, such clever use of space.

But I always feel bad when the families on those shows have teenagers, when people start needing privacy to develop their own identities... and sulk and beat off and whatnot.

Could you imagine living in such close quarters like that when you were a teen, or with your kids when they get to teen age?

Gabinsca251 karma

No I can't. We had planned to give our kids their own, smaller, tiny house to build/take care of when they got to a certain age. We liked the idea of building independence and giving them responsibility. Plus privacy is important.

flowerhoney1098 karma

What are your current religious beliefs?

Gabinsca286 karma

Don't know. I'm not really worried about it either.

I think there's some sort of master intelligence because scientifically, there are too many coincidences, but I'm not sure whatever that is cares if I use the commuter lane with only one person in the car.

palbuddy123492 karma

Hi there. If you don't mind answering something from your Mormon past. I've met quite a few Mormons overseas. Though their intentions are good, and they try their best to assimilate by learning local languages and customs it always seems they get tricked by locals into various scams. I've met more than a few that come to teach English in China, though don't make money, live in terrible conditions, and more often than not teach on illegal visas. My question is do many Mormons just kind of accept this as the cost of doing their missionary work? Or perhaps is there a bit of intentional blinders. Any stories of being overseas yourself? I try my best to help them out, cooking American food for them and help them out but always feel there is an artificial wall as they really don't want me to taint them. Am I correct in this assumption? All the best!

Gabinsca110 karma

Funny you should ask, my ex served his mormon mission in Taiwan!

I think the missionaries do ok because the church is really good at providing a stable environment for them. Apartments are planned out, you always have someone more experienced than you to show you how to get around, and you're stoked on being there because god asked you to haha

Keep in mind they also have all the other members wherever they go. It's a super tight knit community and once you're mormon, you're everyones brother/sister.

I've heard mostly good stories, but this could be heavily influenced by the pressure young men feel to serve missions and love it. I haven't been, myself, but I'd love to go someday.

Jurango3435 karma

I served my mission in Taiwan! 2002-2004. It was incredible.

Gabinsca17 karma

No way! I heard it was a cool one.

palbuddy12344 karma

You should go one day! Personally I have many good stories, but of course many difficult ones where I was the idiot. I'm glad they are looked after, as many are young and really do want to do good. Like I said they really do try to learn the local language that is better than many other denominations who just live through their counterparts which isn't ideal. I met some in Romania as they were tutoring English and Norwegian which I got a kick out of. They couldn't stick out more if they tried as I just greeted them in English.

I can't think of any Romanians that want to learn Romanian, but I could be wrong. I bet there is a lot of pressure to kind of sell your experience, as I know with other Missionaries there is a lot of soliciting donations or else you have to self-fund which would be difficult. Like I said, the some have the best intentions, and I hope they get what they're looking for overseas.

Gabinsca11 karma

Yeah, missionaries don't really get to enjoy their time. They have to focus on reading scriptures and converting people which is really too bad.

But from what I hear, most people are really kind to them.

missbecki7370 karma

I'm a teacher who is Christian but not Mormon (and I have no interest in being Mormon), but... I've noticed that my Mormon families have such NICE kids, in general. Do you have any insights on this?

Gabinsca132 karma

I 100% see this too. I think it’s because of two things:

  1. They profess being kind and good above all else. His can be a drawback because issues can get repressed and it can be insincere at times, but overall really positive.

  2. Because family time is huge. Everyone eats dinner together, helps out family and the community, and parents are active in the lives of their kids. There is definitely love in Mormon homes.

ychirea166 karma

  1. Although there are a few Muslim comedians who use material from their religion, I can't think of any women. How do you think about incorporating LDS into your comedy act, as a woman? What might be the pitfalls and/or advantages of gender with your material on religion?

Gabinsca179 karma

I use it here and there but most comedians in my area use religion as a crutch so I don't hit on it too hard. I do joke about going from missionary sex to being called mommy and being utterly terrified though.

Advantages of being a female comedian are that I get put on shows sometimes because they don't want a male dominated list.

Pitfalls are that people take me being a woman and talking about sex as an invitation to sexually harass me. Often times I feel like no one really hears my material because they just see me as a woman.

jwrig28 karma

Well I for one saw you at the green pig and you did fine.

Gabinsca31 karma

Well that's...frightening haha I'm glad you enjoyed the show. Say hi next time!

Sweetdreams6t918 karma

I've always wanted to try an open mic night. Im a bisexual trans military member. Not to be vain but I've got a lot of fucked up stories and i joke around pretty much constantly in my day to day.

Gabinsca24 karma

Try it out!! We have a military ex meth addict gay guy.

needmorexanax55 karma

How many square feet in a tiny house?

Gabinsca73 karma

Base 200 but closer to 300 if you include the lofts.

YLthrowaway72 karma

Is this part of your tiny house show? Also, the guy in the video appears to be the character Napoleon Dynamite was based on, and looks just like him. (John Heder is LDS, right?)

Gabinsca85 karma

Holy shit, how did you find that? That's a video I took on my iphone of our trailer arriving. This was before the show entirely, when we were building it ourselves.

And I guess he kind of does! Thanks....I guess....

DesmoLocke51 karma

Found your episode here. You were right. Very pregnant haha.

Gabinsca43 karma

My god why.

LittleGreenSoldier53 karma

Was it an amicable divorce, and is your ex still an involved father?

Gabinsca142 karma

He was pretty hurt and I was a shitty person, but yeah it surprisingly was. We had a collaborative divorce and worked together on everything. He has 50% custody and I wouldn't want it any other way. He's a great father and my kids adore him.

Vorenvs35 karma

Thanks for doing this. What are your biggest criticisms of Mormonism? Also, is there anything you like about it?

Gabinsca148 karma

Biggest criticism: I think the people are really intolerant but blind to that fact because they believe they are doing what god wants them to do. They're not open to being challenged in their beliefs because that's "satan trying to lead them astray." I also think they keep women down A TON. That was the turning point for me, seeing all the women in my organization be ok with what was happening during the election.

Things I like: It's very family centric and really good about helping its members. People came to my house to bring food after both of my births, they raise really strong, intelligent, and kind kids, and everything is family friendly. I miss the community aspect sometimes.

John_Wilkes_Huth29 karma

My wife and I lived in a neighborhood where many Mormon families come to study dentistry. (Case Western). There were 7 Mormon families on our one block. They were the best neighbors. We all traded food on a weekly basis. We used to go to their family night from time to time for the chili cook-off and variety acts. Yeah it was a little goofy & wholesome but we were post collage and done with the exausting bar scene. We honestly never ever felt like they were trying to convert us. They never once spoke to us about scripture or teachings. We had the best block parties too. This was on the East side of Cleveland right before the recession. Once they graduated and moved out the whole neighborhood went completely to shit. We were lucky to get out from under that house.

Gabinsca12 karma

That sounds wonderful. I think Utah is kind of the worst of the church which has been my main experience. I’m really glad you’ve met some good ones!

iBeFloe8 karma

Those are my exact feelings with it! I have a lot of Mormon friends, but I think it’s sad when they say their only role in life is to be a wife when I know they can be so much more. A memory I think I’ll always remember is my friends relationship with her parents. That was something I really liked & wanted for myself. It was so unreal seeing parents being able to be friends with their kids while also being their parent. People tend to fail & be too much of a friend to their parents, but with my Mormon friends they did very well at doing both.

I went to a church dance because my friend invited me & everyone was very welcoming. Really awk when a boy I danced with asked my denomination lol

Gabinsca7 karma

That was me for a long time. I didn’t find it fulfilling, but I also wish I could have been more secure in my self identity for my marriage. It’s fun loving someone who loves themselves and I didn’t know how.

shretty2634 karma

Latter Day Saint here! Thanks for sharing your story. It’s sad that the “Mormon community” doesn’t extend beyond it’s active members. I wish we were better at that. I’m curious do you make a living off of comedy? Is that the goal?

Gabinsca51 karma

I actually recently went to provo and was super judged by the people there. It was a huge contrast to when I was a member. I have a nose ring now which I think contributed. But I think the member would benefit from abandoning the idea that non-members are a threat to their religion.

I make money off of it, but not a living by far. I'd love to write for a show someday or maybe rep other comedians.

bluechris1141 karma

Utah is a unique (fairly sour) flavor of Mormonism. It's a status quo and a lot of the Mormons in Utah are in it because of the social climate. A lot hold the title but stash it away as soon as they're in private. It makes for a pretty toxic environment. Even though I'm no longer Mormon, I've found states with a much more diluted Mormon population to be extremely more welcoming of everyone and their choices.

Gabinsca18 karma

Definitely true. I lived in DC and loved the members there. But it’s the history and beliefs that hold me back aside from the culture.

LeodFitz30 karma

What does your comedy focus on?

Gabinsca51 karma

Lots of really bizarre sex stories.

LeodFitz40 karma

First off, awesome, second, when did you have the chance to experience bizarre sex stories to share? My understanding of mormonism was that they weren't particularly okay with their members having good sex stories, and it sounds like you've only had a little bit of time away from the church.

And third, what's your favorite sex story to tell?

Gabinsca64 karma

After I got divorced, I got a little hedonistic so that's when that happened.

My favorites are about a guy who told me he wanted me to be his mommy during, or the threesome I almost had a with a guy and his brother who later died.

nopethis42 karma

Someone dying during a threesome sounds like a real downer

Gabinsca41 karma

To be fair, he died after.

LeodFitz19 karma

Well, that's awesome. For what it's worth, though, as one artist (writer) to another, it'd probably be a good idea to expand your repertoire in the long run. While sex stories make good high notes in a comedic performance, they're generally more effective when you can use them as contrasting pieces. But that's just my experience.

Gabinsca34 karma

Yeah I think you're right. I am expanding currently, but writing a good joke takes time and I'm still kind of a baby in the comedy scene. I'll get there I hope!

LeodFitz14 karma

I'm sure you will. Honestly, the thoughts that came to my mind were about the unexpected trials and tribulations of living in a tiny home. Like how there's nowhere to go to escape a fart, or how it's essentially impossible to find a place to masturbate where nobody will hear you. Or how you can't really storm off to your room when someone pisses you off.

Gabinsca50 karma

“Trials and tribulations” this person is Mormon.

“Place to masturbate” this person is not Mormon.

TheRedWunder28 karma

Do you have a killer recipe for funeral potatoes?

Gabinsca53 karma

Hell yes I do. Those potatoes are the best part of mormonism.

EarthUnraveled19 karma

Tell me about these potatoes please?!

Gabinsca42 karma

Church secret hold more closely than the golden plates.

BHRobots30 karma

I mean, I might actually be able to believe that an angel appeared to Joseph Smith to reveal the secret of the golden potatoes.

Gabinsca27 karma

Hello I’d like to join your religion.

Shrimpbeedoo15 karma

Potatoism is already an Irish religion.

Gabinsca28 karma

I’m from Idaho, am I born under the covenant?

rivetcityransom26 karma

I see you got married in the Logan Temple, are you still in Cache Valley? I would love to see your standup if you are EDIT-i was wrong, that's the Manti Temple. Sorry! I didn't know they looked so similar

Gabinsca21 karma

I still live in Utah!

BloodRedTed2611 karma

I thought it was Logan, too at first. Hope to see your stand up some day though.

Gabinsca13 karma

I’ll be at a show called free kittens on December 7th. Come by!

Waffoolhouse23 karma

Hi there! Would you live in a tiny house again? And who would you recommend them for?

Gabinsca49 karma

With just me and the kids, yeah I think I would. But only if we had our own land to put it on.

I'd highly recommend it for someone who is single or a couple without kids who goes out/travels a lot. If you basically only sleep and eat in your house, get a smaller one.

madpiano8 karma

Much less to clean as well!

Gabinsca13 karma

So much less. I actually really liked it with a newborn too. There was always a diaper within reach.

burritobitch21 karma

Was the tiny house worth it even after giving it up? And how was the cost? Come out on top of the timy house?

Gabinsca43 karma

I think it was well worth it because of the experience. Cost was way to expensive for what it was. I think we paid about 50k? But my ex has it now and is selling it. So if anyone's looking, hit me up haha

ThuggishRuggishJoan27 karma

Hilariously enough, I am looking for a tiny house right now.

Gabinsca39 karma

Dm me, he’s selling it and it’s honestly really really nice. You can trust my endorsement because I don’t get half the profit from the sale haha

Liz_LemonLime17 karma

Hello! I feel like we have some things in common. I haven’t done anything nearly as cool as as being on TV. But I’ve done the less-cool temple marriage thing (I know all the secrets! ;) ), made it through divorce, and am co-parenting. I don’t meet a lot of peeps around my age who’ve been through all that.

I still live in Utah and can’t really move, because custody, but I really do like it here! (Except for the cold.)

I guess I need a question.... So um, we’re probably both super busy and shit, buuuut, do you want to get a hot beverage with me sometime?

(Non-romantic, I’m a straight lady and I personally certify that I am not a serial killer)

Gabinsca15 karma

Even before reading your comment, I was like, "Oh hell yeah I like this person already." In another comment I tell people that one of my favorite TV shows is 30 Rock. Yes! Let's get a drink sometime!

paramusician115 karma

Father of two kids here. How have your children handled the changes? Especially not going to primary and the like? I don’t know their ages but do they seem to understand?

Also, I just wanted to thank you for doing this. I tried to thank you without asking a question but that’s not allowed. Whoops. I’ve been questioning things for some time. Maybe someday I will be as brave and strong as you.

Gabinsca35 karma

They are doing really well. They’re 5 and 2 so my older kid remembers but not the youngest. They weren’t very affected, but I don’t think most kids would be as most don’t seem to want to go anyway.

If you’re curious, just remember it doesn’t have to be an all out sort of thing. You can try not going one Sunday and see how you feel. If you’re relieved, take another step. If it doesn’t feel right, go back. The church will still love and accept you or the outside world will be there later on. It’s not as life changing as it sounds.

SaraBeachPeach15 karma

My friends parents have been talking about divorcing for about 8 years now because they literally have nothing in common. Her mom is a hard core mormon and her dad converted to be with her although he never really accepted the religion in heart. Well, apparently after about 7 years of being married he realised he hated everything about his marriage. Before they got married, she wouldn't sleep with him and was very by the book. But they talked about it a lot and she promised him more intimacy once they were married. But what he got was more of the cold/religion reasons. They had sex obviously to make my friend and her 3 siblings, which were also her idea as he only wanted 1 but decided to agree to more as he hoped it would make her more loving and soft. But it didn't. She's "worse" from his perspective and is getting more radical in her beliefs. She has kicked him out of the bedroom for being "disgusting", is now convinced her children are "sinners" because he wouldn't "fully convert" and is pretty much just thrown herself into her work to get away from her family. Her dad tries being sweet and taking her on dates but she just stares at him blankly and tells him she doesn't want to. My friend is convinced she's been having an affair as once my friend started working with her mom at the retirement home...she started noticing her mom's hours were wrong and she wasn't at work when she said she was. But she's in a weird spot because she doesn't want to break her dad's heart for nothing and say something that isn't true but anytime she tries talking to her mom about the discrepancies in the hours she says she's working..her mom just says she had to go with an at home patient to run errands. But she would be clocked in for that which she wasn't. I feel really bad for my friend but she insists everyone she knows from the church is like this. The women are hardcore religious and cold/by the book, while the men just kinda go along with it. Was your expiernece the same?

Gabinsca11 karma

In some cases, yes, in mine, no. My ex husband was the hard core one.

But this situation sounds less like religion and more like this woman being awful. That poor man. I’d say he needs to divorce. There have been studies that show a marriage lacking in intimacy (not just sex, but affection) can be as damaging as a bad divorce. The point of a marriage in terms of benefits to the child is to show them what love is and who they should be looking for in a partner of their own. If the parents are just coexisting, the kids aren’t really benefitting and the parents are just miserable.

I really hope they figure it out. Sweet of you to worry about your friend.

InvincibleAgent15 karma

Don't worry too much about knowing what to do with your life. Most of us don't.

Ever been to Portland, OR? Decent comedy scene full of godless progressives over here.

Gabinsca10 karma

Not as an adult but I'd love to go! DM me if you know any good shows :)

A_Turner13 karma

As an ex-Mormon also from Utah, why haven’t you left? I got out of the state two years ago and it completely changed my life. I would only move back but only somewhere outside of the Salt Lake valley.

Gabinsca21 karma

Partially because my ex lives here and we share custody. I’m not down for the whole one summer here one there system. Partially because I really like the other half of Utah. The night life is awesome, beautiful mountains, and a thriving comedy scene. I like it here.

Pikeman212a6c13 karma

How the hell did you fit all the canned goods in the Tiny House?

Gabinsca8 karma

There was actually a good amount of storage space we built in. But for the most part, we'd just walk to the store when we needed something. We lived much more day to day than most.

EvergreenHulk13 karma

How much time do you spend writing for stand up?

Gabinsca17 karma

I hardly ever actually sit down to write. Most of my material comes from riffing with other funny people and jotting down ideas for jokes randomly throughout the day.

Before the big open mic we have here, I usually sit down for about an hour and kind of flesh out any ideas I've jotted down for the past week to try and make a full joke. It works for me.

2009_G8GXP_for_sale12 karma

What are the kids asking Santa to bring them? I'm out of touch with the world and have 6 nieces/nephews that I have to shop for

Gabinsca36 karma

This is a takeaway from living in a tiny house, but we love experiences over gifts. Get them a night at the zoo or the local museum. Buy movie tickets for the family. Get a board game they can all play and enjoy together. They're bound to enjoy that more than a toy and the memories are long lasting. Plus they'll associate their happy family time with you which is pretty cool.

ghost_alliance11 karma

I apologize if you've answered this: What is the difference between Mormon churches and temples? If you go to one, do you have to go to the other? Is the temple in charge of the church?

Also, do you see Mormonism as part of Christianity? I've come across Mormons with different takes on that.

Edit: I hope your day is going well; Happy Thanksgiving!

Gabinsca28 karma

Temples are where all the weddings and endowments happen. Not everyone can go in. Churches are where meetings are held and anyone can come.

Mormons are definitely Christian. Any Mormon who said they don’t is 100% delusional. All the teachings are about Jesus Christ.

sleazo93010 karma

Did you actually believe that Native Americans were a lost tribe of Israel who god turned brown?

Gabinsca20 karma

No. I didn't really believe a lot of it, just accepted most things and tried not to think about the rest.

I'm brown/native american myself and remember when someone told me that. I was pretty blown away.

movedback10 karma

What's the Urn of Thurman or whatever?

Gabinsca15 karma

Urim and Thummim. From what I understand, it was a sort of revelatory aid to help prophets communicate with god and receive revelation.

bb05029 karma

I may be too late to ask a question, but what do you think of people relating Mormonism to cults? I think I heard that Leah Remini is thinking of dedicating a season of her Scientology show to focus on Mormons.

Gabinsca13 karma

I used to be super offended by it, but now that I’m out, I see it. I felt such a huge pressure to block out any criticism or “threat” to the church which really just equates to disagreement. The leaders tell members not to read anti-Mormon literature because it will lead them away. I think it’s poisonous. But it’s not on the same level as a cult. Yet.

RyrySchuter8 karma

I commend you for following your heart! Congrats, OP. Single parent here, planning a diy earthship plus tiny home build, moving close to family deeply ingrained in a faith I left. What key takeaways would you do different if you were to build another house again? Thankfully I'm living in an empty 3/2 next door to my construction site while I'm building.

Gabinsca13 karma

Oh man, an earthship?? That is so cool! Congrats!

Biggest take aways would be to plan your ass off and to get rid of everything. We built in two cantilevered lofts and it was a great decision considering the two kids. Tiny house is cool, but you still need space. Get rid of everything you don't need. Minimizing was liberating and surprisingly joyful (no I didn't read that book). Other than that, just find things to do in your community for when the weather is bad or the kids are stir crazy because staying indoors isn't as much of an option.

ThisManDoesTheReddit8 karma

So whats your next niche fringe endeavour going to be? I hear off the grid is really picking up steam these days :P

Gabinsca13 karma

I need to go back to school and I've found a love for tech/coding so maybe that. I'd also really love to build an app or start a business. Maybe buy an old house and fix it up.

Lord0Trade8 karma

Do you ever consider getting remarried to your husband outside of the church? Or do you consider the divorce to be the best for the both of you?

Gabinsca14 karma

Woof, asking the big questions.

I think we both had a lot of room for self improvement so as the same people? No. But we had a lot of good aspects to our marriage that I want in a long term partner. So if we both found ourselves single one day and thought it might work, I think it would be irresponsible not to at least try.

garlickbagel8 karma

Your mother converted to Mormonism when she married an *ex*-Mormon? What on Earth was going through her head?

Gabinsca14 karma

We didn’t go to church at all when they first got married, but they decided to have kids together and my mom wanted the kids to have religion. She asked him what kind he preferred and he said he couldn’t imagine any other religion besides Mormonism. Which I think speaks a lot to the positive aspects of the organization.

amazingblu6 karma

I checked out the link you posted for the facebook event which in turn led to your facebook but I did not see any posts of your comedy. Do you have any links to your sets? I have always wanted to try an open mic kind of thing and have actually written down a lot of material but havent found a place / time to do it yet.

Gabinsca6 karma

Jesus. I'm bad at internet. Look up Free Kittens in Utah.

I only have audio recordings of my sets, but I'll look into posting one!

I say just go out and try it! Everyone sucks their first few times, but it's fun and worth a try.

EOD_Wolfey6 karma

I don't really have a question but I just wanted to tell you that you are absolutely gorgeous.

With that being said and for the sake of it being an AMA, is there any dark secret or unknown part of LDS that you would feel comfortable sharing?

Gabinsca14 karma

Haha thank you, I think wearing something other than knee length skirts and cardigans kind of upped my appearance.

Hm...I found the weirdest part to be that in the temple, we all stood in a circle to pray over a booklet of names of people who needed prayers and the women had to veil their faces.

Also that everyone gets a “new name” in the temple and men get to know their wife’s, but women don’t get to know their husband’s.

EOD_Wolfey9 karma

Thanks for the reply. That certainly is weird. Do have any idea why you get a new name and why the wife isn't allowed to know the husband's?

Gabinsca14 karma

New name is supposedly what your husband calls out in heaven to bring you to him. It’s supposed to be sacred and very special, but t felt super misogynistic to me.

alglaz6 karma

What’s your given endowment name? Do you use Mormonism in your comedy? How do you feel about your Mormonism/cope with that time in your life? (I’m also an exmo and convert and occasionally I get embarrassed but I try to just own it.)

Gabinsca17 karma

I've shared my given name with a few people in person, but I'm still weirdly what if they're right you know? So I feel weird about sharing it online. BUT I will say it was hideous and I hated it.

Definitely use mormonism here and there, but not a ton because pretty much everyone is mormon and has jokes about it. I prefer to joke about going from super sheltered to not at all and being a single woman half the time but a mom the other half. It's not as lame as it sounds, I swear.

Dailia-8 karma

I looked up endowment names and only came up with endowment ceremonies. What is the practice of an endowment name? Is it a rite of passage/coming of age situation?

Gabinsca8 karma

When you go through the temple for the first time, they give you a "new name" which is from the scriptures. It's supposed to be like your god given name I think? I never fully understood it either.

this_is_Winston5 karma

I'm curious what your relationship with alcohol has been since you left the church. Did you imbibe?

Gabinsca8 karma

Haha nice.

I don't drink a ton. I like being drunk and it helps me calm down before shows sometimes, but for the most part I just really hate the taste.

TryingToBeReallyCool4 karma

Fellow exmormon here, keep up the good work!

Whats the hardest part of being out for you?

Gabinsca6 karma

I miss he community a ton. But “hardest” would be seeing who I used to be in current members who bother me. I have a lot of regrets.

cwiley9824 karma

Is there a reason most Mormon guys wear a white t-shirt under their other t-shirt? I don't get the layering with t-shirts, and you can always see the sleeves and neckline sticking out.

Gabinsca4 karma

Those are garments! Endowed Members (those who have been through the temple) wear them. Both men and women.

TheBiomedic4 karma

I spent my middle school and high school years in Manti. Not really a question, just saw something from my home town and wanted to say high. I live in SLC now and will try to make it out to your show. Do you happen to know Alex Velluto? He's a friend of mine that also does standup.

Gabinsca7 karma

I do! He’s a cool guy and I like his material. Pretty much all the local comedians know each other because of Wise Guys. I thought his dry bar special was really good.

iBeFloe4 karma

How did this affect your relationship with your parents? I never really see good endings when children tell their parents they’re leaving their religion.

Gabinsca11 karma

Good question. I don’t speak to my family so it didn’t matter. I talk to my step dad but he didn’t really care.

latinloner4 karma

Hello! Happy Thanksgiving!

Movie-wise, where do you stand? What's your favorite movie? Preferred genre?

If you could pick an existing movie and replace one of the characters with yourself, which character/movie would it be?

What is your favorite TV show and why is it Seinfeld?

May you and your be blessed! Have a great weekend

Gabinsca5 karma

Hahaha I legit laughed out loud. I like these questions.

Movie wise, I stand off to the corner with a child who won’t sit still. Favorite movie is maybe Interstellar, Slumdog Millionaire, or Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. Oh! Or a B movie called Coherence. It was super low budget but amazing.

If I replaced the main character, (I chose a tv show sorry) I would choose Friends. Ever since I was little this is the show I’d place myself in. They had this big, loving group of friends who all cared about each other and supported one another. I always wanted that.

Favorite Tv show right now is the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. It’s relevant to my life and hilarious. Other than that, definitely 30 Rock. Love me some Tina Fey.

Hope you have a great weekend as well! Thanks for such a well thought out question. What’s your favorite tv show by the way? Looking for new ones.

DinoBay3 karma

Did being a mormon creep you out at all? Every mormon I've met is super happy. But they're happy to the point that they creep me out.

Gabinsca2 karma

It did. I remember going through the temple the first time and crying because it felt so wrong.

Ssdavari3 karma

Have you heard of Mike Norton? Thoughts about his deconversion methods? Love and radio podcast just did a special about him about three episodes back and I’ve been fascinated with Ex Mormonism.

If you’re not familiar with him - what are your thoughts on how to deconvert people? It sounds like you weren’t into it from the start, but what about those that are into it? Is there a way to get those people out?

Gabinsca7 karma

I haven't heard of him, but you've piqued my interest so I'll check him out!

I wasn't a solid believer per se, but I was pretty deep into it. Enough to get married in the temple and serve a high position and feel I needed to convert people.

As far as deconverting people, I think the most impactful thing for me was seeing that people could be good and happy without religion. So just be a good person and support others who haven't figured it out yet.

PtyP5073 karma

Is it true that non-Mormons can't go into a Mormon church and how do they check?

Gabinsca12 karma

I think you're thinking of mormon temples, and yes. You have to go through two interviews and get a recommend which is basically a ticket into the church that lasts a year.

CmndrShrm3 karma

I am glad you're trying to avoid the ex-mormon comedy. Especially if you are based up here in Utah. It really can be a crutch if you aren't careful.

And just because you posted the flyer, how was that night at the Green Pig? I worked around the corner and always meant to go and drink some lunch there. Just never got around to it.

And to keep in the spirit of an AMA. What do you feel is the hardest part about coming up with material?

Gabinsca5 karma

It was a super fun show! You should come to the Free Kittens show on December 7th, I’ve gotten way better but more importantly there are two other comedians on the show who are my favorite in the scene.

Hardest part for me is being confident enough in my new material to try in front of an audience. I always tend to think any success I have was a fluke.

Where do you work btw?

coredumperror2 karma

I'm curious about your wording. You say "we" a number of times after you mention getting divorced. So who is "we"?

On a completely different note, I'm glad you managed to get away from the church. My extended family on my dad's side is all Mormon, and I love them to death, but they're a bit nuts. Thank goodness they respect my dad's wishes and don't try to proselytize to me or anyone in my immediate family.

Gabinsca5 karma

Either me and my kids or me and my ex depending on the context. He and I still talk a lot as coparents and I don’t hold any animosity towards him so I guess it didn’t feel weird to say “we.”

Yeah the people can be crazy. I didn’t see it while I was a member but coming out of it, I was almost immediately taken aback by how insane people seemed.

Threeknucklesdeeper2 karma

Would you rather fight 1 horse sized duck or 100 duck sized horses?

Gabinsca7 karma

100 duck sized horses. Fun fact: I've been attacked by so many god damn birds (one ostrich) so I know how to lay those fuckers out. But I'd assume a huge one would be looking to settle a score.

TheSpaceCowboyx2 karma

Do you ever miss the life you left behind?

Gabinsca16 karma

I miss being married. I miss the community of the church. I miss having the security of a god to make me feel safe when I'm scared. But I find comfort in knowing that not having a clear view of where I'm going, though scary, is also really fun and lets me experience a lot of cool things.

thcslayer442 karma

Are you familiar with Taoism or the teachings of Alan Watts?

Gabinsca2 karma

I am not, worth reading about?

madmoran10292 karma

Why do you feel the need to identify as Ex Mormon ? "Person" could work or heck even former member of CLDS. Right?

Gabinsca4 karma

Because it was a huge part of my life and a unique life experience. It contributed a lot to who I am now.

Taser-Face2 karma

Did you receive any threats/stalking/harassment from the church after?

Gabinsca3 karma

Not at all.

sam__izdat2 karma

Suggestions are welcome.

Now that you've left religion, may I interest you in some anticapitalist literature and a small pouch of psychedelic mushrooms?

Gabinsca3 karma


SaintNattygrumpo2 karma

Did you really believe?

Gabinsca3 karma

No. I was active and followed all the rules and took my “fake it till you make it” philosophy very seriously. But it wasn’t hard to leave and I didn’t feel any sort of cognitive dissonance abandoning those beliefs which I think means I never really believed.

dot-pixis1 karma

Why is everyone so hung up on knowing what to do with one's life? How do you handle people with this hang-up?

Gabinsca2 karma

Personally, I'm hung up on it because I had a husband to provide for me and my family, and now it's on me. I'm okay with it, but I feel this pressure to get some direction so I can provide stability for my kids.

As far as handling people with this sounds like you have a different opinion on planning out your life which is fine, but I'd suggest just accepting that not everyone is like that. Maybe talk less about what "you do for a living" and more about hobbies and interests.

dot-pixis2 karma

I mean, it makes sense. I don't have kids, so that need to provide stability for someone else is foreign to me.

This was meant to be more encouraging than disparaging. Apologies if you saw it as combative.

Gabinsca2 karma

Oh no, you're fine, I don't offend easily.

In that case, just help people experience new things! You never know what you like until you try it, and new things can become your passion.

Stupid_question_bot1 karma

SO when you do the open mic nights do you prepare material?

I always wanted to do standup, because I can make people laugh, but then im terrified that if I ever try to prepare anything it wont work..

Gabinsca1 karma

Authenticity is really well received. I say just go for it! One thing I discovered is that comedians don't have new material every week. It's really common to work on a few jokes for a whole year. So find something you like and try it out! It benefits you to practice the same jokes.

providence_delacroix1 karma

what do you think of Ali Wong's stand up material?

Gabinsca3 karma

I think she has some funny concepts, but for the most part she seems too hack for my taste. Her jokes seem too obvious and it doesn't feel like she takes risk at all, just relies on being a woman and a mom.

philipquarles0 karma

Would you rather be a sixth wife or a seventh wife, and why?

Gabinsca3 karma

Bitch, I'm the alpha wife. But I'd consider a hot girlfriend.

LBJsPNS0 karma

Why does the porridge bird lay its egg in the air?

Gabinsca2 karma

Who's there.