In May 2019 I was a university student who lost my job without notice because the family I worked for unexpectedly left the country. Two months later I was still unemployed and only had $0.33 in my bank account, with my rent overdue and my electricity 24hrs from being turned off. In desperation, I posted to r/slavelabour offering to review dating profiles on dating apps, and within a few hours my inbox had exploded with responses. Today, it's the second highest upvoted post in slavelabour's history.

A year and a half later, my business is still going strong. It's one of the craziest experiences of my life. I never imagined that this is the way my life would go, but it's been a blast. I earned my master's degree in December, but I plan to continue with Advice by Chloe until I finish my PhD. Hands down, best job I ever had, and it started with a random post to Reddit when I was in a state of desperation. I help people improve their dating profiles and response rates on dating apps.

I'm definitely not claiming to be an expert of creating a business. I've made a million mistakes along the way, but I've learned a lot. It's my day off and I'm playing some OSRS, Ask Me Anything!

slave labour post from a year ago:

My website now:

Hi guys:

*Today was a long, wild ride. I had a blast answering your questions AND I got 81 Slayer in OSRS, a good day all around. I'm off to bed, but I'll check back tomorrow to answer a few more questions. Thanks so much for spending the day with me!

Comments: 1215 • Responses: 71  • Date: 

Debic1142 karma

Do you ever find clients who you just can’t help for one reason or another? How does that usually go down?

thotgirlisalady2762 karma

I've had clients who I knew I would have a limited impact with based on their physical appearance (people who are morbidly obese, have disfigurements, etc...) because online dating is attraction based. I'm upfront with them and we talk about what I can help with and other options for them. They then decide whether or not they'd like to make an appointment. It's incredibly important to me to never be predatory. I've never had a negative review, and I think it's in large part because I try very hard to be fair and honest. My clients trust me, which means that they keep coming back and they refer me to their friends.

RSJustice713 karma

So you are Will Smith in Hitch?

thotgirlisalady462 karma

hahaha I've been compared to him by my clients. I haven't watched the movie in ages.

suave_boi610 karma

Since your business seems to be growing by the sound of it... How do you manage your growing clientele and how do you get paid? Any tax implications at all?

thotgirlisalady1005 karma

Pre covid I did advertising on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Reddit. I've also learned how to do a lot of free marketing. I had a family member who was very I'll with covid, so I stopped marketing campaigns several months ago to focus on my family. I continued seeing clients who made appointments via word-of-mouth, remembered me from Reddit, and repeat customers. Word-of-mouth has been huge. I started paying taxes as a small business within a few months of starting off.

beaniered57 karma

Are you up for 1 hour call on your free marketing knowledge?

thotgirlisalady88 karma

DM me in a few days after this has died down and we can chat :)

RakOOn470 karma

I tried setting up a similar business last year called Wingwoman, defunct now but it was interesting. I ran some Facebook/Instagram ads but it got nowhere. What was your return on ads if I may ask? Is guerilla/word of mouth a better way in this market? Thank you.

thotgirlisalady733 karma

Word of mouth is amazing, so is finding ways to advertise for free. My campaign ads were hit and miss for a long time, but I eventually hired someone who does it professionally to show me what I'm doing wrong. Even if hiring someone to do it for you is out of your price range (and lots of the time it is out of mine), you can usually buy an hour of someone's time to explain to you what you're doing wrong and what you can do to improve. It's always been worth it to me and has made a huge difference.

Wuzzupdoc4250 karma

This is true - I was fretting about costs in having experts help me, but a friend reframed it as “tuition” and it made so much sense. I was learning, as well as getting help. I haven’t regretted seeking expertise (where I could truly afford it, of course). I have made some mistakes in choosing whom to ask, but if your doing anything new and creative you’re bound to make some mistakes.

thotgirlisalady31 karma

oooh, I like thinking about it as tuition. That's awesome.

sonofabutch418 karma

Is there one piece of advice you keep giving over and over you wouldn’t mind offering for free?

thotgirlisalady1240 karma

If.You.Stare.Into.The.Camera.With.A.Blank.Expression.On.Your.Face.You.Will.Look.Like.A.Serial.Killer haha.

I spend a huge portion of my days convincing (and then teaching) guys how to smile in photos. Girls have been socialized since childhood to smile pretty for photos, and most guys were taught the opposite. Other than smiling, the most common advice I give is going over their photos and showing them exactly what isn't working and how they are being perceived. We then start working on super specific instructions of how to take new photos that will work for them.

drbootup313 karma

Men are taught the worst thing in the world is to look weak. For a lot of them smiling = submissive.

stainedglasseye1014 karma

I’m a man and when someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.

thotgirlisalady230 karma


OwlrageousJones43 karma

Honestly I'd pay for someone to teach me to smile better.

I used to smile weirdly as a kid in an earnest and genuine attempt to try and smile. But I stopped because it looked weird. And now I don't really know how to smile on command without making it seem forced and weird.

Natural smiles, easy peasy. Smiling for the camera... yeah, nah.

thotgirlisalady31 karma

it's not just you. I'd be out of a job if dudes were taught how to smile as children. A spent like 2hrs a day talking to guys about smiling haha

memento22mori11 karma

I live in a rural area and you should see some of the female profiles. A lot of them have zoomed in creepy face pics. A lot of times it wont even be their full face in the frame. And a lot of them are holding fish in one of their photos. I saw one last week that said don't match with me unless you're a Dr who makes over $200,000 a year. I know a lot of Drs and maybe one of them makes that much.

thotgirlisalady10 karma

gross. How close are you to a larger city? try changing your zipcode to a nearby area with a population of women you think you'd be more compatible with.

theRed-Herring371 karma

Whats been the most surprising challenge about starting an internet business?

thotgirlisalady1451 karma

Stalkers and doxing attempts. I don't use my full name or my face with my business because in the beginning there were a few people who made doxing threats or people who tried their darnest to find me. There was one guy who somehow got himself into a Discord server I use to play video games on, and DMed several people in the server asking if they knew my real address. It completely changed how I ran my business. I hired someone to show me how to make sure my privacy is safe.

naivemediums125 karma

Can you talk about the person you hired to help you ensure your privacy - How did you find them? What kinds of things did they teach you? What did they charge and was it worth it? TIA

thotgirlisalady261 karma

He was a friend of a friend. It was a long time ago, but I think he charged $100 for an hour long workshop. It was incredibly helpful. A lot of it was common sense, but things I had never thought of before. This was a whole new world for me.

cyph3rGoneWild111 karma

Next time hire someone who will find the little bastard and break his legs.

shadowbred404 karma

I'm available. I'll name my business Fractures by Jake! Another reddit business empire is birthed!

thotgirlisalady194 karma

bahaha Fractures by Jake is the best business name I can think of.

defaultapollo25 karma

obviously, don’t share who you hired. but how do we find somebody like who you hired?

thotgirlisalady57 karma

I use Reddit a lot. subreddits like r/forhire. In this situation, it was a friend of a friend.

Erberderbadoo273 karma

Are all of your clients straight men?

If not do you feel like you are able to help women and queer people with the same amount of success?

What is the biggest difference you see between men and women that holds them back?

thotgirlisalady517 karma

Most of my clients are straight men, after that it's gay women, a few gay men, and then my least common client is straight women (I think I've only had two).

When my client isn't a straight man, we have a conversation before the appointment time. I explain my limitations, and then they decide whether or not they're still interested in keeping the appointment. Most of what I do is help people to market themselves. After that, it's to help (mostly) men how to appeal to women on dating apps.

The biggest difference is that women (the few I've worked with) want to change their profile to get matches that more align with what they're looking for, and most of the men I get aren't getting enough matches, aren't getting matches they're actually attracted to, or are getting ghosted a lot.

GDChortle174 karma

This is honestly awesome! So cool to see your business that came to fruition through a reddit post is changing lives! I especially liked the article on your website " How To Maintain Self-Respect In a World Full of Narcissists ". I've been dealing with a lot of those "demons" mentioned in that article and it's refreshing to see how well your advice translates regardless of your client's sexual orientation as most of these topics are true for all individuals in the dating pool.

If I had a question, I would have to ask what was the most satisfying moment you have had with a client?

thotgirlisalady486 karma

Thanks so much!!! Omg best moment was, hands down, when I had a client who was so defeated in our initial appointment that he started crying. We worked together for a few weeks, and then he sent me a screenshot of matches he had for the first time. He was SO excited. It was like a high. He's been with his girlfriend for like 6 months now, and they're living together. We've gamed together a few times haha. Best day ever.

KindnessOnReddit166 karma

Have you ever had a client who was either an Incel, MGTOW, or someone who had some ahem misogynistic views of women?

How did you handle those situations, or how did you set boundaries between the client's views and reviewing their profile?

thotgirlisalady429 karma

omg yes. In the beginning it was pretty common because my prices were very low. Now it's not nearly as common but it crops up every once in a while.

I educate them. My services center around teaching men how to appeal to women, which usually entails explaining the female experience on dating apps. With clients who are sexist or racist (how do I get an asian girl/latina girl, etc...), I educate. If they aren't interested in learning, I refund them and end the appointment. I used to struggle with what to do in those situations because I was terrified of them leaving a bad review and destroying my business, but I put on my big girl panties and started telling them to fuck off.

KindnessOnReddit96 karma

Wow, I ♥️ you for being an advocate! You're in such a unique position since they're coming to you for advice. I'm sure you've broken quite a few negative feedback loops. You're doing excellent work.

PS, I sent you a DM to draw attention to something on your site.

thotgirlisalady86 karma

oh my gosh, the number of clients I had who thought that women needed to be 'convinced' to have sex with them was INSANE. Most of them aren't bad guys, they've just been feed bullshit their whole life about women.

toughfluff39 karma

I’ve been reading your comments and you really come across as a genuine, helpful person!

A lot of what you said seems theoretically possible to me: be candid to clients, have patience to educate them, showcase new perspectives, and cut them off when they go too far. I think these are kinda ‘duh’ on paper, but also not easy to execute in real life (even just through online interaction). And honestly, can be applicable to scenarios outside of dating app profiles. Your process sounds fascinating!

thotgirlisalady43 karma

thanks :) that means a lot. It was definitely a learning process in how to maintain good boundaries without coming off as cold or unkind. I feel like starting this business has helped me grow up so much as a person. My ability to make boundaries and be firm has increased SO MUCH.

AintNobody-148 karma

How do you start a business when you have 33 cents? All the paperwork, tax forms, all that? I imagine it was all pretty loosey goosey until you had the cash flow to deal with that?

thotgirlisalady502 karma

In the beginning I wasn't planning on starting a business, I posted to slave labour in the hopes that I would make $20 so I could buy groceries. It blew up. I'm not sure how else to describe it. I was in a persistent state of shock for months. I kept expecting it to end, but every time I reposted was getting more responses. Clients I had already helped started leaving very kind reviews on Reddit, which increased the success of my future posts. When I first made my website it was NOT because I was planning on turning this into a business, I just physically couldn't continue to schedule people through Reddit anymore. There were too many, so I got a website with a built in scheduling app and assumed I'd just use it for a few months. I hired someone on Reddit to teach me about small businesses and how to do the tax forms. This is what I love the most about Reddit, it's this massive community full of knowledge. Whenever I need help understanding something, I always hit up Reddit first.

callebbb104 karma

Who on Reddit did you hire to advise you on setting up a small business? You can DM or just put me in touch with said person independently. I don’t need help immediately, but plan on it soon enough and will need the help then.

thotgirlisalady199 karma

Can you DM me in a few days to remind me? my inbox is overflowing rn and I'm scared I'll lose your message. Happy to help :)

jackiebot101121 karma

This is awesome. I’ve considered doing this, but I’m not sure how to get started. What age range do you work with mostly? Is there room for a 36 year old to get in this game?

thotgirlisalady305 karma

What's surprised me the most is a HUGE age range of clients. I assumed that most of my clients would be younger guys. My biggest age group is guys from like 25-32. A close second is guys 18-23, but I have had a surprising number of older men who are getting back into dating and are overwhelmed. My oldest client was 72. He was the best.

thotgirlisalady186 karma

I can't tell if you're asking if there's room for a 36yr old in the dating world or as a dating consultant.. either way, the answer is yes haha. If you're asking about dating, there's absolutely no reason you shouldn't be able to use dating apps at 36. Dating apps are all marketing and psychology. Once you understand the machinery behind the curtain, it gets a lot less intimidating :)

bmanny119 karma

In person I have no problem engaging and attracting beautiful women. I have, quite literally, never had results with a dating app. Is this common? What common mistakes do you see people making who have great in-person communication skills but fail utterly in online dating?

PS, if you like OSRS, check out Project Ascension! Definitely takes a lot of inspiration from it.

thotgirlisalady183 karma

yes. It is very very very common. I have had TONS of clients who do fine in person but struggle with online dating, and they tend to do very well once they recognize what they're doing wrong. If you aren't getting matches, it's almost certainly that you're taking shitty photos that aren't marketing yourself well. If women aren't responding to your initial message it's because it isn't compelling enough, and if you're constantly getting ghosted once conversation starts, it's because you're struggling to quickly build chemistry and get her out on the date. It's difficult to give advice because I'm not sure where exactly you're struggling, so I kept it vague haha.

oooh, I've never heard of Project Ascension. I'll check it out!

bangfudgemaker83 karma

Hey Chloe,

Thank you for doing the ama.

I recently moved to Canada from india and ,being a 32 year old brown guy, I feel that Indian males don't have a good reputation with females from other races since people tend to think that we are creepy due to what they see in the news and from their general experience.

My other Indian mal e roommates have expressed the same feelings.

Is our perception correct ? Do north american Women find Indian men to be least favorable ?.

All the best for your business, you seem to be helping out a lot of guys out there. Keep up the good work.

thotgirlisalady158 karma

It's really hard for people of color on dating apps, esp Asian men because they've been so demasculinized and desexualized in American media. It's definitely an issue, and a huge portion of my clients are Asian men. There are a few tricks to increase your match rate though. Email me, and I'll give you a few free tips on how to get better results: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) (it'll be easier for me if you include screenshots of your profile). I'm sorry people are racist :(

fdxcd68 karma

Do you do the same for resumes/cover letters and interviews? Seems like it would be similar

thotgirlisalady46 karma

No I've never done resumes or cover letters. I can see how it would be a similar type of marketing though.

Yoylecake210060 karma

hows the cash flow?

thotgirlisalady173 karma

When I'm running marketing campaigns? It's better than what I would make as an MSW doing counseling. The Pocket Chloe is the game-changer in terms of money, and several of my clients use it for months at a time. (The Pocket Chloe is a text-based service over the course of a week, where I'm available to my clients from 9am-midnight est to help them message matches, ask advice, approve new photos, whatever they want).

The past few months I've stepped back to focus on my family during covid, and I've made enough to pay my bills. I'm planning on starting back with marketing after the holidays.

Big_D_Girth36 karma

What are the details/specifics on the pocket Chloe thing?

thotgirlisalady110 karma

you can check out the specifics here:

It's basically a service where I am available to you via text or DM for 7 days, from 9am-midnight est. It's $100 for the week. Most of my clients use it to send me a screenshot of the profile of someone they matched with and I write the opener for them, or they send me what they want to write and I edit it for them, or the send me a screenshot of their dms and ask for how to respond. Most of my clients use it as training wheels. First I teach them the skills in a session, and then the Pocket Chloe is to teach them how to apply those skills.

Cpt_Obvius94 karma

Is there any concern about this being manipulative towards the matched person? Setting up dating profiles is one thing but having someone ghost write conversations for you seems to be pretty disingenuous.

I totally get how it is good as a training tool but if that person hits it off aren’t they starting their relationship off on a lie?

I don’t feel strongly against this, I’m just curious what your thoughts are!

thotgirlisalady124 karma

I've refused to run dating accounts for this very reason. I draw the line at being paid to impersonate person on the app. With the Pocket Chloe, I don't have any direct communication with the match, it's all through my client, and the messages I'm teaching them to write are based on their personality and interests. That way, this girl doesn't show up on a first date because she was basically catfished.

gnawthcam14 karma

Are you able to track or do you have any historical data on how effective your marketing campaigns are?

I just recently listened to a great Freakonomics episode and I’m intensely curious on how it might apply to a small independent business as opposed to a big firm.

thotgirlisalady17 karma

Most marketing campaigns keep up with that for you. It's something I'm still learning how to do effectively. I'm much better at it than I used to be, but I'm still learning. It's been trial and error for me.

isthiswhatlifeislike43 karma

This is awesome! You caught my eye with that last comment about OSRS.

What are your 3 favorite skills to work on?

(Second question if you'll indulge me)

What is the most common mistake guys make with their picture choices?

thotgirlisalady76 karma

haha OSRS questions are the best questions. I'm working on Slayer right now. I really like Slayer. I also love farming and I love the idea of agility... until an hour in haha.

The most common mistake guys make is focusing on showing off a lifestyle or humor instead of focusing on showing off their most attractive features. After that, taking photos that are poor quality, don't include a full body shot, or photos with exes. If you're looking for something more in depth, I have a few blogs about photos:

Moal98 karma

Oh man, I remember my husband’s dating profile before we met. All of his pictures were of him with a long beard, sunglasses, and taken like 30 feet away, focusing on hobbies (like motorcycling in a helmet that completely obscured his face, lol). I was a little hesitant before meeting him, because I felt like I didn’t really know what he looked like!

Well, I took a chance on him anyway, and when I got to the cafe, in walked this insanely good-looking, polished, clean shaven guy with a nice jawline, wearing fitted, fashionable clothes. I didn’t greet him at first, because I didn’t realize he was the guy I was meeting! Part of me is glad that he didn’t market himself too well, because he might’ve been snatched up by someone else before I met him! lol

thotgirlisalady54 karma

haha this is SO many of my clients. So happy for you guys!!!

i_fuckin_luv_it_mate38 karma

Do you see this becoming your career/any plans to call it quits?

Online dating/dating don't seem like they're fading, so the opportunity looks long-term. Could you see yourself pulling your desired salary/hours out of this 5/10/20 years down the road?

thotgirlisalady101 karma

I plan to stop (or at least decrease a lot) when I finish my PhD. I would absolutely love it if I could continue to use Advice by Chloe as my main employment until I graduate... but I plan to eventually work full-time with survivors of complex trauma. My business has become my baby though, and the idea of giving her up makes me really sad. I try not to think about it haha. I'll worry about it in a few years.

Benkosayswhat16 karma

Umm, market like crazy, hire some coaches, and stack them with clients. You take a cut. Raise your rates to $100/hour or $50/hour for your junior coaches. Host group sessions where you charge $25 each for a round table discussion of each participant’s profile, honest and open. Why throw away a growing business?

I have a professional coach who charges $800/hour after building up to that his entire career and he has an entire team of people charging much lower rates.

thotgirlisalady17 karma

yeah, I've thought about it. Advice by Chloe is my baby, and trusting other people with my clients makes me nervous. I'm not going to think about it yet, I have a few years until I'm finished with my PhD haha.

cafebrands35 karma

I met my wife online way way back in the early days of it, back in 2002 on a site called that later merged with update, which got taken over by match. I can only imagine how sites now are far removed from what they were then. That said, do you feell what you are doing stops it a from being less authentic in some ways?

thotgirlisalady231 karma

Dating apps aren't authentic. I don't even like to consider dating apps actual dating. I consider them pre-dating. An attractive woman in a fairy large area can easily get 30-50 matches a day, which has a major impact on how she swipes. She can't swipe of every reasonably attractive/interesting guy she sees because then she'd have hundreds of matches. Instead, she is super duper picky and swipes left for small and often stupid reasons... because she has to swipe left on most of her matches.

I like to explain it like this: you're the hiring manager at your company. You're hiring for 5 positions. You get 200 resumes. Of those, 50 of them are perfect for the job. Great qualifications, education, references. Everything. They're fantastic. Under no circumstances are you going to hire 50 people. Instead you're going to nick pick the hell out of them. Even if the reason you're disqualifying them is unfair or stupid, you're still going to do it... because you have to. This is what it's like for women on dating apps, and why marketing makes such a huge difference. It's not just about making a sincere profile, it's about marketing yourself in such a way that it's difficult for her to swipe left for a stupid reason. Does that make sense?

Oeklampadius153230 karma

What are you studying in your Masters/PhD? How difficult has it been to balance running a business and your studies?

thotgirlisalady80 karma

I have a my undergrad in cultural anthropology, masters degree in clinical social work and I'll be starting my PhD in clinical psychology after covid. It's been great! I've always had to work during university to pay my bills, but this allows me to make my own hours. I can work from home and do homework inbetween. Best job ever, seriously haha.

Techiedad9115 karma

Do you find that having studied anthropology helps you in your business a lot?

thotgirlisalady40 karma

for sure, studying anthropology helps in understanding people and cultures in general :)

MAAArtense29 karma

is the approach in USA different then European countries?

Do ladies in Europe or USA need and alternative tactic to 'score' on datingwebsites ?

thotgirlisalady56 karma

The biggest differences I've found is in India and Egypt vs. in the U.S.

France is also a bit different, which surprised me, in terms of flirting.

Phermaportus23 karma

How does your business (or the part of it that deals with helping men talk to women/get women attracted to them) differentiates itself from PUAs?

PUAs base their "teachings" on very harmful ideas about what women are/should be and I was wondering how a more healthier version of that looks like.

Sidenote: Any tips for a D&D newbie?


thotgirlisalady83 karma

uggh, a huge part of what I do is trying to undo the gross PUA advice that my clients have learned in the past. My advice is actionable and based on marketing and psychology. I don't teach men how to trick women into fucking them. I teach them how to appeal to women by teaching them how women see the world, as well as basic marketing strats when it comes to online dating. At the same time, I also get men with extremely poor boundaries who end up with toxic women... so we also talk about self-respect and dignity and how to maintain it in the dating world.

D&D is my obsession. Don't be afraid to be adventurous. Make a character who feels real to you, and don't be afraid to role-play. It isn't all about being super OP, it's about the role-playing and the experience.

shotty29323 karma

Hi, do you have an update or recent photo of the puppy you rescued?

Also, congrats on your success!

thotgirlisalady34 karma

omg she's the cutest little lady in the world. I already had a dog and a cat, so I knew I wouldn't be able to keep her. I gave her to my cousin who has a huge backyard. I haven't gotten to see her in a while because of covid, but she's cute as hell haha. Super healthy and she got HUGE.

Raxar66621 karma

How do you track results/performance in your business? Do you send out satisfaction surveys, or only look at profits?

thotgirlisalady53 karma

I send out emails checking in with them clients after our appointments. If they're still struggling, I usually ask to see screenshots to see what's going on and offer small advice for free to keep them on the right track. I want to get paid, but I'm hugely motivated by helping people. I really love what I do.

Alias-Q16 karma

WC lvl?

thotgirlisalady21 karma

82 haha. I used to do sulliuscep, but once I got all the fossils for the museum I switched to afk blisterwood tree.

michaelsama15 karma

Interesting... you didn't play off of your situation back then. You just said what you offered and ran with it. So you just rolled whatever $ you earned from your post into ads?

thotgirlisalady27 karma

I rolled whatever $ I got into bills in the beginning haha. I kept getting more clients from posting to slave lavour and then for hire on reddit, and then I started using ads like 6 months later.

DisqusCommenter15 karma

Great story and congrats on the business! I looked at your website and your Twitterpated service caught my eye. I think it’s interesting that you offer advise to folks who are frustrated/confused about a women.

Have you ever had any adult clients that have the mind of a teenager and seem completely immature or hopeless? If so, do they ever get upset at you? (Or do you ever have to end the sessions prematurely?)

I ask because my Friend is having trouble with a girl. I think it’s completely his fault (things like stalking the girl on social media and texting her EVERY HOUR asking why she is on Facebook but doesn’t want to talk with him in the phone. Accusing her of being mad at him and he just wants her to say it, etc). I tried to explain to him why that wasn’t cool, but he just doesn’t get it.

DisqusCommenter12 karma

Looks like someone asked a similar question and you came though while I took a half hour to write this out 😜.

thotgirlisalady16 karma

haha thanks for finding it. I educate. If it's obvious they aren't interested in learning, we have a frank conversation, and that sometimes ends with my ending the call.

cyrosd13 karma

Do you only do US clients or have you had foreign ones?

thotgirlisalady40 karma

I've had clients all over the world. When their dating culture is distinctly different from the U.S. we have a conversation about my limitations in helping them, and then they decide whether or not to keep the appointment. France Italy, India, Indonesia, Australia, everywhere haha. It's been really cool!

grandyo12 karma

This is a super interesting post! I've seen a couple race-related questions already just scrolling through but I have a question that is a bit...twisted? Let me know if its out of your paygrade ahaha.

I am a 24 y.o woman of east asian descent and I've never really had problems dating but I really struggle with the idea of "white worship." Growing up in an asian-heavy bubble I only dated asian men but after I went to college and got a job, I started dating white men. It's almost impossible to escape judgement from the asian community if you are a woman dating a white dude and its something that I've seen starting to make my relationships really toxic. I realized I have become extremely harsh to the white men I go on dates with, analyzing every little thing they say to make sure it's not racist or fetishizing, nevermind that if an asian guy said the same thing I wouldn't care at all.

I guess my question is just that, how can I address the anxiety I feel from dating interracially? Do I just care too much what others think? Is the asian community the racist one? I'm just really lost on what to think of the whole toxic environment surrounding interracial dating (especially white/asian) and have a feeling I've passed on several what could have been great realtionships because of it. Please help.

thotgirlisalady15 karma

I completely understand what you're saying. I'm Korean and my boyfriend is white. It was really hard dealing with the judgement from other Asians who accused me of white worshipping, and being stereotyped by other white people. It's a rough situation to be in. Here are my thoughts:

First, we are certainly socialized as Americans to view Asian men as sexless. They are demasculinized in most forms of media, so spend some time taking an honest look at your own biases and if you have some unpacking to do with regards to race.

Second, being attracted to a white man doesn't make you a white worshipper. Trust your instincts, but don't go searching for red flags with every white dude you go out with. We've both probably had enough creepy experiences with ppl who have Asian fetishes to know when we're being objectified. Trust that gut feeling and walk away from anything that feels uncomfortable to you... but you can date whoever the hell you want to, and anyone who tries to make you feel guilty about it has their own issues that they should be working on instead of projecting it onto you. Good luck <3

zanzertem12 karma

Which dating apps do you find people use most often?

thotgirlisalady28 karma

Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, CMB, Match. Hinge is my fav :)

theganglyone12 karma

How has the business affected your personal dating life?

thotgirlisalady39 karma

It hasn't really. I've been in a long-term relationship since the early days of advice by chloe. Before that, I dated casually because my focus was on school.

Sony22sony2211 karma

Do you have an infernal cape?

thotgirlisalady11 karma

I don't hate myself quite that much haha. My fire cape is fire tho ;)

eastbaybruja10 karma

Will you be turning this into a book? (Please turn this into a book!)

thotgirlisalady8 karma

I write a blog as a form of free marketing, and I discovered that I really love writing. I don't know if it'll ever happen, but it sounds like it would be a lot of fun to write haha.

jrk-9 karma

Did you ever get hit on or even stalked by clients?

thotgirlisalady15 karma

in the beginning, yes, and it was really scary. It changed the way I ran the business and how I protected my privacy.

LordHades3019 karma

Whats your opinion in including OSRS mentions in your profile? Best left to reddit or is there a way to mention? Also what is your favorite skill to train?

thotgirlisalady36 karma

Don't mention OSRS in your dating profile. It's never a good idea to appeal to a niche audience (esp. a group as small as female osrs players haha), because you'll lose access to most other women. Women have so many matches that they swipe left for really small and stupid reasons, and talking about video games in your profile is a bad idea. Instead, mention game night or something along those lines. It's vague enough that it wouldn't be unappealing to most women, but it'll really attractive those nerdy girls you're looking for. There are other things you can do to curate your profile better for gamers, but it would take a while to explain. I talk about it in a few of my blogs, you can check them out for free ;)

WhozURMommy8 karma

I'm married and not looking for your advice, but I do find this fascinating. Would you consider making something like a documentary with some of your clients? Or maybe a Twitch channel where nosy people like me can listen in on some of your calls with customers. Seems like it would be good advertising for you. Sort of like the 2020 version of Loveline.

thotgirlisalady15 karma

I've thought about the twitch channel thing. I've considered having a twitch channel where I game while giving dating advice or people can come in for a free profile review. I haven't set anything up though.

uselubewithcondoms8 karma

I have a white male friend who is really into asian women. I'm hesitant to introduce him to any of my friends because of the cringe factor. He's kind, smart, and attractive though. I read through your blog post on racial preference and I didn't really find "the answer" so to speak that I could just send him that link.

Is unpacking that strong racial preference a service you offer?

thotgirlisalady15 karma

It depends on what you mean by 'unpacking'. Truly unpacking that kind of mindset is more a therapy role, which I don't do with Advice by Chloe. However, I have had many many clients with a strong Asian preference and we have a frank conversation about it. It usually helps a lot when I explain that the way in which they are trying to attract Asian women is actually repelling them.

Goatzinger7 karma

Do you consider a hot dog a sandwich?

thotgirlisalady7 karma

I know it's controversial, but no, I think a hotdog is it's own category.

sonofabutch5 karma

What is the dating world like, post-COVID? Are there still a lot of first dates in person right now, or is it mostly online?

thotgirlisalady9 karma

mostly online, at least in the beginning. It's interesting, because I have a much higher percentage of clients who end up in serious relationships since covid. I think that fact that people are forced to talk to each other instead of meeting up in person has made it easier to develop real connections.

MrAcurite4 karma

It's my day off and I'm playing some OSRS

Total level?

thotgirlisalady8 karma

  1. Base level 82s

Jmememan2 karma

So I'm a young kid (Still in highschool), but me and my friend are creating an online shop to sell photos. We plan on putting 10% of the profits in a bank account for future investments. Do you have any advice for us?

thotgirlisalady6 karma

First work on developing a reputation, even if that means charging less in the beginning. Once you have positive reviews that demonstrate value, you can start charging a more fair price because people will be more willing to trust you. Focus on finding free ways that advertise that aren't annoying to your audience before paying for advertisement! Good luck :)

CrystalF2P2 karma

What’s your favorite skill on OSRS?

Edit: just saw someone asked that already, what’s the favorite quest then?

thotgirlisalady2 karma

I know everyone hates MM2, but it has a special place in my heart because it was my last quest and omg that euphoric feeling when I finished it was amazing.

drbootup2 karma

Have you ever ended up dating a client?

thotgirlisalady3 karma

I've been with my boyfriend since the pretty early days of advice by chloe haha

Markhor-1 karma

Did ya get the idea from Hitch?

thotgirlisalady3 karma

I had never seen Hitch before I started Advice by Chloe haha. I got the idea from being a gamer with mostly male friends who SUCKED at online dating haha.

-OmicroN--2 karma

Does the women who's giving dating advice have a special someone in her life? and/or have you been tempted to date any of the people you've worked with? lol 😁

thotgirlisalady6 karma

I have a boyfriend, who I met on a dating app, but was not a client haha. He's been on a huge part of the journey with me for Advice by Chloe. He actually named my most popular service, The Pocket Chloe haha. He's also the frequent editor of my blog.