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IAMA girl who spent roughly 16 months as a full time BDSM slave a few years ago
New ! I now have a blog!!!
You will be able to follow my updates and get draft chapters of my future book at : http://rebootedgirl.wordpress.com
I also created http://www.reddit.com/r/rebootedgirl
Introduction
My new boyfriend has been insisting for months that I do a IAMA but I always refused because I feel that this is simply too personal. He told me that it was important I share because it could be an inspiration to others and in the end, he won.
If you want to read it, be patient, because it’s a long one. A summary wouldn’t allow me to truly show what I went through so I decided to spell it out.
My childhood
I was an accident. Both my parent made that pretty clear in my mind, for almost all of my childhood and teenage years. My father was 53 when I was born and my mother 38. They had been unhappily married for 20 years and one night, my father forced himself on my mother years after she had stopped taking the pill and 9 months later, I arrived.
I grew up miserable. My father was an alcoholic. He worked as a carpenter and worked long hours outside of the house. As soon as he came home, he would start drinking and later in the evening, beat my mother for an offense or another he thinks she did to him.
My mother on the other hand is I guess a co-alcoholic and somehow thinks that our life was normal, that every husband in the world is like my father and every wife is like her. You know women who try to pretend that their husband loves them even if he beats her? My mom’s rationalization isn’t that he still loved her but rather than love simply doesn’t exist. She was always a stay at home mom and if she left, not only would should she be alone in life but she would have no money. Needless to say, neither have any real education.
Both pretty much ignored me all my life. If my mother was hungry, she would prepare a meal for lunch when I came back from school, otherwise, I learned to fix myself a sandwich quite early. Only supper was guaranteed to be on the table because my father ate with us.
I couldn’t receive any friends, because of my father and I couldn’t visit any friends, because of their father who were just as bad as mine in my mother’s mind.
So I grew up limited only to meeting kids in school which sucks because real friends see each other outside of school.
I sucked in pretty much every subject. Not getting any help on homework and my inability to sleep until late at night because of my parent’s arguing didn't help.
But the worse was that nothing rang a bell in my mind. It was all normal. It was life. Movies and TV showed fiction including when it involved happy families.
I began lying to friends about my family but I couldn’t realize that they were actually telling the truth. I couldn’t conceive of parents who actually loved their kids. That was on TV, with monsters and fairy tales.
Teenager years
Around 11 or 12, I began drinking. My father left bottles everywhere and I would take a few sips to help me calm down during the fights. I spent my evenings locked up in my room and drinking so I would try to ignore what was going on outside of my room. Like I said, I was mostly ignored. I was like a dog you had to feed. You could fight in front of it, because it couldn’t understand you.
At 12 however, you aren’t a little girl anymore. Guys started to notice me. I was usually wearing awkward clothes and no one bothered to buy me a well-fitting bra.
I was desperate for attention and certain boys quickly discovered it. I lost my virginity at 13 to a guy who was a year or two older.
Drugs
Soon, I was offered light drugs like marijuana, acid blotters and ecstasy. I didn’t need more to get in the sack with a guy so I guess that’s why I never tried cocaine or anything stronger.
Drugs helped me avoid my problems and allowed me to fly through the days either without feeling anything at all or by letting me feel things that had nothing to do with my daily life.
But more importantly, I don’t think I ever took any drugs alone. I would take them with boys who offered it to me in exchange for sex and they all thought that it was the drug I was after when I think I wanted some love and affection. The drugs were just a nice bonus.
Most of the time however, I felt depressed and a few time took a lot of pills to apparently kill myself, but in reality, I think I mostly wanted to know if people would miss me when I was gone. I don’t really want to talk about that, not even with my boyfriend in private.
Death of my father
When I turned 16, my dad died of rectal cancer gone general. He didn’t even realize he was sick until a few months before his death. I had known he had problems on the toilet for years but we never thought it was something that awful.
He refused all treatments and chose to simply die at our home, peacefully. In reality, he simply screamed orders at my mother all day long since he rarely left his bed. He had a colostomy and it disgusted him profoundly until he died.
For a little while, I thought it would be better with my mother now that he was gone but obviously, her problems weren’t caused entirely by him. She mourned for him for years like a normal widow, but in an excessive manner. She stopped making meals altogether but continued buying the same groceries as when we were three in the house, letting a lot of the food spoil.
BDSM
That’s roughly when I started dating a guy who was into BDSM. Sorry it took so long to get there.
He was one of the guys who used to give me drugs but he liked to have it a little rougher. We started visiting a local BDSM dungeon where he would tie me up and whip me or spank me.
In the beginning, I thought it was weird, but it was something to do and he really seemed to like me. Plus, I was stoned most of the time and barely felt anything.
I wouldn’t say I was his girlfriend or anything serious like that. He was just a guy I frequently saw.
Alone in the dungeon
But one day, the dungeon master became furious when he saw weeds and pills in my partner’s bags and expulsed and banned him, leaving me alone in the club.
I should have followed him, but I guess I was already too stoned to do so. I met a few people. I can’t say I had ever presented myself before and felt accepted by them. A few weeks later, I began returning alone, if only to feel welcomed somewhere.
I had dropped out of high school by then and didn’t know anything about anything. I couldn’t do the laundry, I couldn’t really cook, I couldn’t talk politely enough to work anywhere. I simply was a reject of society, a complete wreck.
Of course, back then, I couldn’t realize any of that. I couldn’t see that soon enough I would most likely be left alone on the streets by my mother to become either a prostitute or yet another homeless girl begging for change.
Enter Frank
But I met Frank (fake name). Frank was one of the masters visiting the dungeon. He was single but he wanted a full time slave girl to live with him. He gave classes on bondage and safety in BDSM and helped a lot of people, but he didn’t want a girl to play from time to time. He wanted a full time slave to keep in his loft in a committed relationship.
I think he had noticed me the first time I went to the dungeon with my ex, but perhaps he looked at all girls as possible future slaves. All I know was that he paid a lot of attention to me when I was there alone. He did a lot of bondage demonstrations using me as a model and even practiced his suspensions on me which I kind of liked.
I had stopped seeing my ex since he had gotten banned and I was now cut off from my supply of both drugs and sex to get my mind off of my solitude.
Accepting the proposition
So I began to open to him and one day, after he proposed for the 40th time or so to have me as a slave full time, I simply said yes.
I didn’t know what I was getting into, but I didn’t care. I had nothing in front of me and my mother hadn’t spoken to me in weeks.
I left with him to reach his loft. It’s in an old industrial building. It’s a unit in the middle, without windows or interior walls. It only has a small kitchenette in one of the corners and a small industrial bathroom: there was a man’s restroom with a urinal and a booth for a toilet, but the toilet in the woman’s section had been replaced by a shower.
The rest of the loft was occupied mostly by home-made bondage equipment, apart for a king size bed.
He told me that he wanted a house slave. That I could leave anytime I wanted by saying my safe-word but that until then, I wouldn’t be allowed to leave his loft unless I needed to see a doctor. We went over my limits but I am not sure I was really sure of what I was getting into. I mostly checked no on his list on a few things I was scared off, stuff like branding and needles or tattoos. He did have to explain a few of them to me. I guess today that my motivation was mostly to live somewhere with someone who would care for me and Frank was the closest I could find. We talked a lot and the next day we went to my house so I could pick up my things and say goodbye to my mother who was obviously unconcerned that I was moving away.
It’s only when we came back to his loft that I began my 16 month journey…
My beginning as a slave
Frank carefully helped me pack my few things in boxes for storage and in all seriousness, asked me to strip naked.
At first, I felt ashamed, but a few soothing words from Frank helped me calm down. He boxed my clothes too and I ended up not wearing anything until the day I decided it was enough, 16 months later.
Well, I did wear panties during my periods, but otherwise, I was fully naked around the clock, for more than a year.
Frank works in a factory on shifts. He sometimes works the night shift, sometimes works the day shift, etc…
One of the first things he did was get rid of all calendars and clocks in the house, keeping only his watch and his cellphone for any time references. He didn’t have a computer or a TV or even a radio so even if I wanted to know the time or the date when he was away at work, it was impossible. He didn’t even have a phone at home, using only his cellphone for communications.
At first, our relationship was like most other couples in that we engaged in conversation, had lots of sex with the added kinkiness of me being suspended or tied or even whipped from time to time.
Quickly, as time went by however, it was expected that I would behave more and more like a slave and with less and less freedom of will. He was slowly helping me let go of my resistance to obedience, as he said it.
Getting used to it
Gradually, I began to enjoy it. When he was there, he would train me in doing whatever he wanted me to do, including cooking, cleaning the loft or servicing him sexually. When he wasn’t there, I was left instructions on what to do, like meditation or even just stretching exercises. Rapidly, I lost track of time and Frank insisted that this was his goal. He wanted me to fully rely on him for all information. I realized that sometimes, a Wednesday would follow a Thursday, but I was expected to just accept it and soon enough, I stopped asking or caring about which day we were.
Today, I realize he was almost brainwashing me, but like my mother, I didn’t see any alternatives. I was warm, I was secure, I was loved and unlike her, the few times I was hit I actually welcomed and enjoyed it as it was usually followed by some of the best sex I ever had.
Several times, he invited friends over and no, I was not allowed to dress back up. Most of the people were friends I knew from the dungeon, but I was usually expected to play a certain role, like remain silent for the evening and simply serve food for everything or even just remain on all four and serve as a human footrest for the whole evening.
Only twice did someone else had sex with me, thought in one of the cases, I have no idea if it was really someone else.
Long term roles
You see, some of the things he did were long term rules or roles. I once did pet play for a full month (well roughly three weeks), from the end of my periods to the beginning of the next one. I played the role of the puppy night and day.
But the worst part for me to endure were the 3 weeks or so I spent blindfolded. Not once in those 3 weeks was I allowed to see anything, but I was expected to continue to follow my routine.
At first, I hit everything and I did think to cheat while he was at work, but I remained faithful and spent the whole period blindfolded. During that time, Frank received friends over and I had sex with someone but I am not sure if it wasn’t Frank himself. It sure felt familiar. The other time was for a threesome.
Eventually, he kept pushing more and more. His little stint with the blindfold was notable one of the tipping points. For days after the removal, I was hypersensitive to light and the Chilean miner crisis recently showed me there was a real danger to his fetish.
Getting out
One day, he decided to tie me to his cross like he often did and I just said my safe-word. I had enough. I had been forbidden to talk for the previous few months and I no longer felt good about myself like in the beginning. I had forgotten who I was, what I wanted and simply couldn’t take it anymore.
He confirmed that was what I wanted and brought me some of my clothes to put on my pale carcass. Without any sunlight in 16 months, my skin had never been so white, and I had lost quite a lot of weight under his care. He didn’t drop me on the street like I was afraid he would do or like my mom told me men acted when you said no to them. He asked me the date I thought we were and I was off by a good 3 months, under evaluating my stay. I had just missed my second birthday while in his presence and I was now 20 years old.
I had left the dungeon that night on a hot summer day and when I came out, snow was everywhere. We found my mother but I discovered she didn’t even care where I had been or that we hadn’t spoken for that long. The three of us ate supper without even speaking a word.
I stayed with Frank for another 5 months but I wasn’t his slave anymore. We did continue to have sex and even do a little BDSM play but we were back to the talking phase we had in the beginning. We spoke a lot about what I had gone through and I shared all my thoughts and emotions. He apologized for the last part where he asked me to stay silent for so long.
He mostly wanted to be sure he didn’t somehow break me or traumatize me.
He tried to convince me to try it again, but it was behind me now. I had others things to do even if I had no idea what.
Finding a job and moving out
Two months after I said my safe-word, I found a job in a burger joint, not a big chain but a mom and pop store where I was a waitress serving greasy burgers.
Three months later, Frank and I agreed it would be better if I moved so he helped me find a small apartment and even paid for the first few months to help me get on track, allowing me to find used furniture and even all of the appliances. We stayed in touch for a while, but he was busy finding my replacement. When he did, he stopped calling me as he was now busy with his new slave. I had met her. She wanted to confirm that Frank wasn’t a psycho and I reassured her that I was fine. Frank promised he wouldn’t do the same mistakes he did with me.
Now
I eventually made a new boyfriend, a regular customer at my restaurant, and now I am the receptionist for the office he works for. Somehow, what happened in those 16 months almost helped me reboot my life. I don’t think it was because of the BDSM itself, but perhaps it was simply because someone had loved me and taken care of me almost like a child for the first time in my life.
Conclusion
What scares me today from time to time is that if he hadn’t begun to impose long term rules like the no speaking part, I might still be there, without the attention of a dentist and slowly losing sense of who I was.
But I grew out of that and slowly defined who I was and what I wanted and didn’t want and even learned today to say no to my boyfriend, something my mother was never able to do.
Summary
If you didn't want to read, here is a summary:
- I was an accident and my parents ignored me all my life
- desperate for attention, I slept with boys who gave me drugs
- I eventually dated a guy who was into BDSM and when he was kicked out of the dungeon, continued going
- Frank asked me to be a full time slave at this loft and I eventually said yes
- I spent 16 months naked at his loft as a slave, slowly almost being brainwashed
- One day, I said it was enough and moved out
UPDATE Friday Morning
I am trying to answer the questions I didn't get. I didn't fight with my boyfriend (but he did get a BJ). Here are some of the most asked questions:
- The safeword was "MacGyver"
- No, I no longer do BDSM
- I was with Frank from August 2002 to January 2004, so it was 7 years ago
- Since then, I returned to high school and turned my life around
- I didn't take any drugs since the night my ex was banned, so I didn't take any with Frank
- I was 18 when I said yes to Frank. Not 16 like some understood.
- the problem with Dental care is because my current boyfriend is obsessed with his teeth, but I didn't realize it was an unhealthy obsession
- Yes, I will try to write a novel about my experience
rebootedgirl525 karma
Thank you.
It's just sad someone downvoted me. I guess it will fall in oblivion.
AMerrickanGirl431 karma
Every post gets a few downvotes. Doesn't mean a thing. It's early on the East Coast of the US, but as people wake up you'll start getting some attention. This is a fascinating story.
rebootedgirl330 karma
Yeah, the upvotes followed soon after. Thanks for the clarification !
bizzaro_karma_whore394 karma
"I couldn’t talk politely enough to work anywhere."
For someone who "couldn't politely talk enough to work anywhere" and then spent 16 months in virtual solitude and then worked as a waitress you are an excellent writer.
I would expect yahoo answers style of writing from someone with these experiences, further I would not expect a summary at the bottom from someone that doesn't use reddit enough to understand downvotes and is therefore unfamiliar with the attention span of Redditors.
If you are not a troll, then why is your writing style good compared to that of the average english major ?
rebootedgirl377 karma
Because I grew since then.
I agreed to join Frank in August of 2002. That was over 8 years ago. I grew a lot since.
It was my boyfriend's idea to put a summary at the end.
pbraham23 karma
You see: a pessimist looks at the downvotes, an optimist at the upvotes. You're learning to be an optimist! That's the start of real healing.
rebootedgirl32 karma
Well, when I wrote that, there were 3 downvotes and 3 up votes... now, it's a different story.
Herries41 karma
Don't worry about it. You can post the most universally appealing thing on here and it'll still probably go as far as 20% downvotes.
Anyway, you should be proud for coming out of the whole ordeal (including the bad era with your parents) in one piece. Any lesser a person would be on a track ladden with drugs, alcohol and crime in the end. Probably in bad health too.
How is your life with the new boyfriend?
rebootedgirl69 karma
Anyway, you should be proud for coming out of the whole ordeal (including the bad era with your parents) in one piece. Any lesser a person would be on a track ladden with drugs, alcohol and crime in the end. Probably in bad health too.
Thanks !
How is your life with the new boyfriend?
Quite nice. Pretty normal. We watch movies, have plain normal sex and receive friends for supper every few Saturdays.
rebootedgirl606 karma
Wow, you got a lot of comments !
Indeed, I answered elsewhere, it was MacGyver.
It was his favorite show while he was growing up.
kermityfrog78 karma
I guess he liked pushing boundaries but wasn't really a bad guy. He respected your safe word and took care of you afterwards. He even regretted some of the "experiments" he did. What he did was pretty dangerous psychologically, but I guess it was out of ignorance and not malice.
mrzisme16 karma
Please realize that given you're fathers personality, you will be naturally, instinctively drawn to guys who ignore you, are distant, don't give you the time of day, or all 3 at once. Be always conscious of this. I imagine you've already received therapy hearing the way you describe things, but in case you haven't, in terms of a mate, you should go out of your way to seek someone who seems somewhat "boring".
rebootedgirl18 karma
My new boyfriend is like that. I am the one always pushing for more sexual stuff...
CaspianX2577 karma
Okay, I've got quite a bit to say. But first and foremost I want to say, you have my sympathy for your terrible experiences, and I truly hope that whatever path you choose in life, that you manage to find what makes you genuinely happy.
With that said, I feel the need to offer a counter-point to what you have to say here. I do not by any means argue that what you're saying is a lie, but I can say that what you describe is ridiculously atypical to the point of absurdity.
I've been in my local BDSM community for a little over a half a year now, which I'm sure means I'm still fairly new to all of this, but in my time amongst these people (who I'd strongly argue as being some of the nicest, most welcoming people I've ever known), I've gotten to know numerous people in M/s relationships, and I'm sure that every last one of them would be absolutely disgusted and horrified by what you describe.
Firstly, I think it should be mentioned just what, in this context, "Master" and "slave" actually mean. The perception that slaves are weak people who let their Masters run their lives for them is about as far from reality as possible, at least for a healthy M/S relationship. Rather, people in the BDSM community view M/s relationships as a commitment and responsibility as serious as, if not more than, marriage. Many view the collar as a symbol more meaningful than a wedding ring.
Of course, M/s relationships are as varied as the people who are in them, but in general, they epitomize the concept of "power exchange", in that it is not just a slave giving everything to a Master and getting nothing in return - it involves a huge commitment and responsibility on the part of the Master as well. The slave chooses to give this extra degree of power and control to the Master, a choice that at any time can and should be rescinded if the Master doesn't take his responsibilities seriously, and in exchange the slave is cared for and looked after in many ways makes their needs the primary focus of the relationship - they have to be, because they have surrendered the ability to look after themselves (though again, a slave is a person capable of thinking for themselves, and should never tolerate an abusive relationship, or one where their needs aren't met).
The choice here is very important. Every slave I know is a strong, capable person, able to stand up for themselves and make their own choices. But they choose to be a slave because they enjoy the dynamic, or it simply works for them - a degree of freedom from responsibility, the ability to place complete trust in another, and to dedicate one's self to another are all appealing facets of being a slave.
From what you say, you were in no position to become a slave, and certainly not in such an extreme form. There's a reason many BDSM club owners have a problem with drugs on the premises, even above and beyond the fact that they're, you know, illegal. Mind-altering substances are the last thing you want hanging around when people are doing things with severe potential repercussions. And someone with a substance abuse problem should not place themselves in a position of vulnerability, because they are not fully in their right mind to comprehend the gravity of such a choice. The same goes for someone in severe need of counseling.
However, it sounds like Frank didn't really care about any of that. The man you describe didn't care if you were in your right mind, didn't care about your mental state when you made what may well have been life-changing choices, and ultimately didn't seem to care about you as a person. All the person you describe seems to care about is possessing you, having someone to fill this role in his life.
In any sort of BDSM relationship, you absolutely need to have open lines of communication. The Master or Dominant absolutely needs to know if something is wrong with the slave or submissive, because it is their responsibility to see to it that this wrong is corrected or addressed. And if a Master is going to do something that has serious potential to be traumatic, they need to be absolutely positive that their slave is prepared for it, and that it's worth whatever risk it might have. This is the sort of thing it sounds like your Master didn't have any sort of inclination to do - he didn't seem to care how much the time vacuum, the lack of sunlight, and the constant blindfolding affected you. All he seems to have been interested in doing was pushing you for the sake of pushing you.
If you're sure a power exchange relationship just isn't for you, then I won't ask you to second-guess that decision. But do not for a moment think that the relationship you were in is anything even remotely typical of BDSM relationships. Frankly, the relationship you describe is one I think most in the BDSM community would see as an abusive relationship, and while I have questioned whether you were really cut out to be a slave, I think that most (myself included) would be mortified that this man would ever be in a position to be a Master, as he doesn't seem to have any idea what being a Master really entails.
To a "vanilla" (those not into BDSM), being a Master must seem like all positives - you get to call the shots, you get to be in control, you get whatever you want... but that all comes with some severe responsibilities attached. That's why I'm a Dom and not a Master, and I may never be a Master - the responsibility seems way too intense for me. Apparently, Frank decided to just be the vanilla version of a Master - all the fun without any of the hassle. And quite frankly, that's a very dangerous way to approach the lifestyle.
.
TL;DR - As someone in the BDSM community, I think this Frank guy is dangerously irresponsible, and his approach to M/s gives M/s a bad name.
rebootedgirl200 karma
From what you say, you were in no position to become a slave, and certainly not in such an extreme form.
My former therapist and my boyfriend are in full agreement with you. With time, I began to share their point of view.
But you have to understand that I was raised by a mother who taught me that you couldn't say no to your man even if he abused you.
Having a safe-word to rely on felt terribly safe and comforting compared to what I grew up in.
because they are not fully in their right mind to comprehend the gravity of such a choice. The same goes for someone in severe need of counseling.
I absolutely agree with you. I am guessing there is a reason why he chose to keep me isolated: so that I couldn't figure out all of this on my own.
In the end, I guess I was lucky he not only accepted I wanted to leave, but that he helped me gain independence.
The man you describe didn't care if you were in your right mind, didn't care about your mental state when you made what may well have been life-changing choices, and ultimately didn't seem to care about you as a person. All the person you describe seems to care about is possessing you, having someone to fill this role in his life.
Now I see that. Then, I felt so much loved and appreciated compared to how I was raised.
But I now see the differences between Frank and my boyfriend, who do love me.
In any sort of BDSM relationship, you absolutely need to have open lines of communication. The Master or Dominant absolutely needs to know if something is wrong with the slave or submissive, because it is their responsibility to see to it that this wrong is corrected or addressed.
I agree, and in his defense, he was like that in the beginning. After every session for I guess the first 8 to 10 months, we had lengthly discussions about my feelings and what I thought.
It's near the end that he seemed to lose focus of my importance and that it became frightening.
The 3 weeks blindfold occurred in the last few weeks and caused me to leave. Same thing with the no speaking rules.
All he seems to have been interested in doing was pushing you for the sake of pushing you.
That is quite possible. Perhaps he was just considerate in the beginning because he was afraid I would want to leave and slowly begun to care less and less about what I thought.
If you're sure a power exchange relationship just isn't for you
I didn't have any interests to do anything related to BDSM since I left him.
Thanks a lot for your long text. I wish someone in the dungeon would have explained it all to me before I accepted.
It would have enabled me to make a more informed decisions and if I would have said yes, to set clearer boundaries and get into a more sane relationship.
GutterMaiden180 karma
Every slave I know is a strong, capable person, able to stand up for themselves and make their own choices.
Speaking as someone who helps organize the local BDSM community, I have to say, there are a lot of submissive who are looking for a Dom for all of the wrong reasons, and Doms who mean well that get into serious play with a sub who they think is a strong, capable person, but isn't. Everyone has baggage. We don't have any full time, Master/slave relationships in our community, but I gotta say - most people who want to take power exchange to an extreme extent mortify me. Subs who think they need a Dom to feel safe, or lose weight, or whatever. Someone else should not be responsible for you at that level. Their intentions are good, but is that enough?
But hey, their kink is not my kink. What do I know? SSC RACK and all that, right? There is a world of people that can't understand masochists, or how pain feels good. How can I ridicule someone who wants to lose their sense of time, their sense of self, and be used as a fucktoy when I want to be beat to a snot on a regular basis.
EDIT: Obviously most (and by most I mean practically all) Master/slave relationships are not anything like the OP, and in the context she put it in, I would call it abuse as well. But Re: Caspian32's post, yes, ideally people involved in BDSM are strong, capable people who are able to stand up for themselves and make their own choices, and god damn a fuck lot of them are, and it's awesome, but a fuck lot of them aren't as well. That said, I think the community I'm involved with is very diffferent than Caspian32's community.
datawing52 karma
I personally feel that the other members of the kink community here seem rather eager to decry Frank's actions as those of an irresponsible Master. While I don't agree with many of his choices about how to treat his sub, as a Dom myself I recognize the difficulty inherent in the task of possessing/caring for another person. If you'll forgive for being rude: (on the internet! unacceptable.) I suspect that as a result of you're weighted past you're probably a very difficult person to be a Master to. With that in mind maybe we should judge Frank's ability and responsibility by the outcome of his actions. SSC Safe Sane Conscentual. The biggest safety complaints would be the lack of sunlight and health care, but I have more thoughts on that which I will get to in a moment. Conscentual, He released you upon the utterance of your safe word which was established beforehand. He had you notify him of his limits and he respected them. I would have to say that he passes this test in a manner befitting a true Dom.
So now we come to the last trial. The most difficult one, the trial of sanity. The time when we who engage in extreme kink must stand back from our own desires and try to objectively evaluate our choices to determine if what we are doing/have done is a good idea. By my measure Frank took a very injured individual into his life and led them through intensity to an outcome that can reasonably be regarded as good though not without qualifications. That is harder to accomplish than I feel some of those criticizing him have admitted. I wonder if he thinks you were too much of a challenge for him or if he thinks that you were what he was looking for in a sub. I also wonder if it made him grow as a Dom. I do worry about the fact that he didn't let you outside and the long term use of a blindfold. While it seems consistent with his desire to remove time from your life I suspect that it's one of those activities like breath play where even if it's desirable and seems to add to the situation it should be avoided because it's dangerous. Personally I think he bit off more than he could chew, but in the end handled it fairly well. In my book he passes the test though not with flying colors.
As someone who is a Dom and wishes to continue to be one in the future I recognize the challenge faced in this situation and I do laud Frank for overcoming it. I have a collared sub but we do not engage in lifestyle play. Perhaps in the future it will be something I will try (possibly as a result of your words ;-) rebootedgirl). I hope that if/when I do such a thing I will do a better job of it than Frank. I will certainly be more diligent in establishing and maintaining the lines of communication between Dom and sub than he was (I consider that to be his biggest failing). I strive to do better by my sub, but I swear never to do worse. I suspect that Frank made a similar oath, and I would hope that the other kinksters here would recognize the merit in any Dom who holds themselves to that standard. Indeed it is the only true mark of a "real Dom."
rebootedgirl25 karma
Personally I think he bit off more than he could chew
Most likely. He told me a few times he would respect my limits and learn from my cues when to stop. I might have not really known what my limits were. It's not like I told him: "No, I don't want to be blind-folded for three weeks". I could have used my "Red Light" safe word any time I wanted.
I am guessing that his decision to present me to his new girls was motivated by his attempt to grew out of our experience and not repeat the mistakes he had made with me.
AMerrickanGirl246 karma
Most original AMA I've read in a long time, thank you!
I'm shocked that he neglected the fact that you need regular medical care and sunshine. You say he learned his lesson? Other than that he was a good master and thank god he respected your safe word!
It fascinates me that you somehow equated this to a second babyhood and seemingly managed to partially heal yourself from your lousy childhood through this.
rebootedgirl195 karma
I'm shocked that he neglected the fact that you need regular medical care and sunshine
He gave me vitamin D pills to compensate and I am rarely sick, especially then when I didn't see anyone. What bothers me the most is the lack of dentist visits, but to be honest, it's not like my parents took me there regularly before then.
ther than that he was a good master and thank god he respected your safe word!
Yeah. It's only when my boyfriend mentioned he could have been a pychopath and simply killed me that I was afraid. I guess I really missed basic education in my childhood.
It fascinates me that you somehow equated this to a second babyhood and seemingly managed to partially heal yourself from your lousy childhood through this.
Yeah. To my boyfriend it's rather disturbing, but somehow, I managed to heal myself during that period.
Perhaps I was lost in my thoughts a lot more. Perhaps I simply was away from the negative influence of my mother.
It's hard to tell.
easily93 karma
You write better than 50% of Reddit. Have you gone back to school, is it self taught, or something else?
rebootedgirl169 karma
I did go back to school, finished high school and this time, succeeded rather well.
KindaSimilar43 karma
I made this account just to talk to you. I'm also in a D/s relationship, though nowhere near as extreme as yours. We are a normal couple outside the bedroom, though lately we have let the fetishes spill into the outside too and I think I'm naturally completely submissive to him.
I didn't have a shitty childhood, but I do have a lot of issues in general. My boyfriend is absolutely incredible and he truly cares and loves me. But I always wondered if one of the things that attracted me to this relationship so much was the appeal of having someone who could appease these issues. Particularly considering the nature of what we do (daddy dom). I don't know, but your post made me think, thanks for that :)
rebootedgirl25 karma
Thank you very much !
I am glad to see I am not alone, even if our conditions are different.
JackDurden17 karma
If its worth anything I dont feel you were just lost in thought, rather you learned the ability to self soothe. If your mother durning infancy was more emotionally available and attuned to your emotional needs then you might have internalized this ability. Just wondering, has your overall drug use decreased since this experience?
rebootedgirl18 karma
If its worth anything I dont feel you were just lost in thought, rather you learned the ability to self soothe. If your mother durning infancy was more emotionally available and attuned to your emotional needs then you might have internalized this ability.
Could you elaborate, I am not sure I understand what you mean but it sounds interesting.
I was babysat as a kid by a nice family, because my mother was still working then (I have no idea doing what), but she stopped when I was 4 or 5.
Perhaps that helped me.
I didn't take any drugs since I met Frank.
I try to avoid alcohol today because I don't really know if I was ever an alcoholic, but the few times I took a drink (like champagne at a wedding), I didn't need a second one.
rebootedgirl98 karma
Because I got two cavities ?
Seriously, for some reason, it freaks out my boyfriend more than everything else.
But then again, he goes to the dentist every 6 months, flosses 2 times per day and brushed his teeth 5 times per day (after each meal, when he wakes up and when he goes to bed).
Until now, I thought this behavior of his was normal, but I guess he had problems too.
TheGooglePlex91 karma
So, if you had the chance to make the decisions that you made over again, would you have?
rebootedgirl95 karma
God, that hard to answer.
I certainly would have been more clear on my expectations and my limits and I would have asserted myself more often.
We had a temporary safe-word, you know, to just stop what we were doing at the time but not the entire period.
I should have used it for the blindfolds and the no-talking, but then again, perhaps I would still be there with rotten tooths.
Certainly I would have insisted on regular walks outside and access to a calendar, but then again, the disorientation about the time seemed to have helped me overcome my problems.
I am certainly a better person now, but perhaps a normal boyfriend would have brought the same results.
The question is, would I have been able to find a normal boyfriend ?
mikemcg20 karma
Maybe you needed the kind of attention someone like Frank to get you on the right road? That's definitely not something a normal boyfriend could do. Have you seen the movie Secretary?
pawnzz17 karma
Yeah I think someone who has suffered trauma like yours would need something extreme to really knock you back into your life. It sounds like you were essentially brainwashed from the experience of living with your parents. Not that they tried to force any belief on you, but that they didn't provide you with an opportunity to really learn/discover who you are, and then give you the tools to go out and live your life.
I'm not saying that this was the best solution for you or that this sort of extreme situation would help everyone.
But there's a reason that many monastic orders take vows of silence. It really gives your brain time to process the things that happen to us in our daily lives. Many of us spend so much time plugged in that we forget that we exist outside of our minds.
I dunno, but when you said that this time gave you a sort of restart it made perfect sense to me.
But I'd just like to say that I'm glad you made it out safely. I hope the rest of your life just gets better from here.
Thank you for sharing!
rebootedgirl4 karma
that they didn't provide you with an opportunity to really learn/discover who you are, and then give you the tools to go out and live your life.
Yes, I think you got it exactly !
But there's a reason that many monastic orders take vows of silence. It really gives your brain time to process the things that happen to us in our daily lives. Many of us spend so much time plugged in that we forget that we exist outside of our minds.
And perhaps that's why the last bit of silence caused me to stop it, especially when coupled with the blindfold.
I had nothing to do but reflect on my life.
But I'd just like to say that I'm glad you made it out safely. I hope the rest of your life just gets better from here.
Yes, it did. Thanks !
kitcatcher20 karma
You seem slightly obsessed with the "rotten tooths"/dentist thing. Is there a reason for this? He said he'd take you to see a doctor - did that not extend to dentists?
rebootedgirl39 karma
Well, my current boyfriend, I now realize, is obsessed with dental hygiene.
He brushes his teeths 5 times a way, flosses twice a day, etc...
I think my lack of visits to the dentist for 16 months shocked him more than the fact I spent those 16 months naked.
Since I wasn't really normal, I thought he was actually normal about dental hygiene until Reddit pointed it out.
rogueman99915 karma
At the point you were when he picked you? Hell, even for keeping you away from drugs he pretty much saved your ass. And as boyfriends go, he was very close to what you needed. Plus I have a feeling it helped a lot that he was a bit older and more experienced (you didn't say this, but it's a safe guess). Living and talking with him for more then a year probably was good education for you. Your "mentor" if you will... somebody who's not your parent, nor your friend, but who gives you direction in your life. Many of us had one... I'm still grateful for mine.
rebootedgirl18 karma
At the point you were when he picked you? Hell, even for keeping you away from drugs he pretty much saved your ass
I think so too. Not being in school anymore meant I no longer had a ton of "safe" guys wanting to give me drugs for sex.
I would have most likely ended up on the street as a prostitute to pay for my drugs.
Plus I have a feeling it helped a lot that he was a bit older and more experienced (you didn't say this, but it's a safe guess)
I was 18 at the beginning. He was 37, so he was over twice my age.
Living and talking with him for more then a year probably was good education for you. Your "mentor" if you will.
Indeed. He taught me to cook and do his laundry (I didn't really have any laundry). That was already more than my mother did for me.
But he taught me much more.
Goat_beater10 karma
I don't think so. Most men at this age are off pursuing their dreams and don't have time to give that much attention to a woman. The dream is rarely to take care of a woman. I think it would be odd if you found someone who took care of you as well as Frank did. I honestly think he's a good guy based on your account of him.
I'll also add that your emotional experience is the extreme of many women I have met. Most of the time, it's not hard for me to find a girl who craves attention in exchange for one thing or another. I usually assume it's some parental issue, because I don't see where they would find that a sufficient affection other than through family.
I respectfully think more people should read your story. It would help enlighten people on how abuse affects the people around them. Your story is extraordinary to say the least.
rebootedgirl6 karma
Most men at this age are off pursuing their dreams
Well, he was 37, does that change anything ?
I respectfully think more people should read your story. It would help enlighten people on how abuse affects the people around them. Your story is extraordinary to say the least.
Thanks !
Inappropriate_Remark84 karma
For someone who was described as a "reject of society", you sure know how to format well and write coherently.
If you're not a troll, then +1 for not having your shit all retarded like the rest of your generation.
rebootedgirl82 karma
Well, at 16-18, I was indeed a reject of society.
I am now 27. I matured a lot since then... returned to high school, got my diploma, got a job as a receptionist where I learned to write better, etc...
[deleted]255 karma
This is the most shocking thing I have ever read. I don't quite know how to process this.
...He didn’t have a computer?!
rebootedgirl31 karma
Funny. This was in 2002. He was 37 at the time, so he was born in 1965.
My guess is that he wasn't that much into computers.
rebootedgirl105 karma
The long term safe word was "MacGyver". I know, it sounds weird, but you want to have a word that will not be said by accident. Something that stands out in the conversation.
The "in the moment" safe word was simply "red light". It's apparently very common. "Yellow light" for "slow down" and "red light" to stop.
I used it a few times, notably during long spanking sessions when I had enough.
umilmi8154 karma
I was at a restaurant and a group came in and there was a pretty girl with them. She was wearing a leash. The group sat at a table, but the girl sat on the floor next to the guy holding the leash. The waitress said the girl had to sit at the table but the guy holding the leash said something like "That's ridiculous, why would a dog sit at the table. She'll sit right here next to me and eat my table scraps." The waitress said it was unacceptable so the man took the girl outside and tied her leash to a street sign and went back in and ate with his friends.
One of the strangest things I've ever seen. This was a regular restaurant, not a BDSM club. But it was in a trendy town (downtown Royal Oak Michigan), so there may have been a BDSM club next door for all I know.
rebootedgirl14 karma
I don't think I would have said no to that back then. In fact, pet play was my favorite time so I would have probably enjoyed it. It actually sounds hot.
Today however, I realize that I could have met people I knew but I don't think I had those kind of thoughts back then.
jesushlincoln47 karma
..this should be a book. Simply riveting. Upvoted for great justice.
rebootedgirl28 karma
Thanks. I am not sure I could actually write a book about it. It took all I had to write that much.
But thanks for the comment !
target7 karma
Do feel liberated or vulnerable now that you have talked about it? I would think those would be the 2 feelings that could come from this.
As for the whole father mother thing, it saddened me to hear this. I know that this type of family happens all to much. What really saddens me is no one seemed to care. The school should have seen some issues with you and intervened at some point. Would it be to much to ask what state this took place in? I am guessing PA or NY. Just guessing.
I hope you now enjoy your life. It seems you are on your way to a good one. Also, if you haven't seen it you need to see the movie "The Secretary". What a fantastic movie.
Cheers.
rebootedgirl7 karma
Do feel liberated or vulnerable now that you have talked about it?
I felt liberated when I told my boyfriend back then. I also felt liberated when I told my psychologist.
But today, I am not sure yet.
The school should have seen some issues with you and intervened at some point.
They did, but only about my grades. They didn't seem to care about anything else.
I don't want to share anything about my location.
You are the second to recommend Secretary. I guess I'll have to watch it.
Shizka43 karma
This is an interesting story. Thank you for being brave enough to share. I have a few questions :)
- Do you look back at the life you had with him and miss it or anything about it?
- Did you ever think about running away while he wasn't there?
- After spending so much time inside. What did you do after you said the 'safe word'?
- What was the safe word?
- Do you feel like you are damaged in some way because of what happened between you and Frank?
Thanks again for sharing. You are awesome!
rebootedgirl64 karma
Do you look back at the life you had with him and miss it or anything about it?
I miss the simplicity of it all. No job, no worries, no trouble. Every time I do my taxes or wonder if I can buy a new pair of pants, I have flashbacks to those 16 months.
When we used to have friends over, I had flashbacks to the time Frank had people over and tended at first to remain quiet.
Fortunately, that passed quickly.
Did you ever think about running away while he wasn't there?
No, because I could have simply told him at any time that I wanted to leave, which I ended up doing in the end.
The saddest part, is that I don't think I will ever be happier than in the first 12 months or so that I was there.
Sure, my life is better now, but I know I deserve it.
Back then, I had been miserable up to the moment I accepted to live with Frank. I couldn't believe my luck in short.
He was attentive and loving, at least, in my mind. I am sure that my current boyfriend is much better but back then I didn't know better.
I didn't expect better. In fact I didn't expect anything at all.
After spending so much time inside. What did you do after you said the 'safe word'?
We spoke for a few hours. He asked me why I said it and if he could take back what he had done. I almost agreed to stay, but I guess my heart knew my time was over.
Eventually he gave me some clothes and we went to see my mom. I think he really intended to drop me there and say goodbye but her indifference shook both of us.
What was the safe word?
MacGyver. It was chosen randomly.
Do you feel like you are damaged in some way because of what happened between you and Frank?
I asked myself that question a lot. I think that indeed, something died inside of me. It's weird.
At first, after I said my safe word, I was empty inside. I had no goal, no direction, no idea of who I was.
It's slowly that I rebuilt a new life and that I found some new priorities.
Perhaps I was like a house that had been built on a shaky foundation. Frank helped destroyed it which allowed me to rebuild it over the next few months or years.
But in the end, I think that any remaining damage is mostly my parents fault.
Thanks again for sharing. You are awesome!
Thank you !
[deleted]22 karma
In the spirit of getting both sides, when you look back, is there anything you really regret doing or allowing to be done to you?
rebootedgirl48 karma
The not allowed to talk in the end and the blindfold weeks were horrible and I really regret it.
The cross was also a bit too much for me.
But the rest was usually fun, in a way.
The 3 weeks of pet play were quite amusing. I had a lot of fun and is one of my fondest memories of the period.
If my boyfriend asked me to do BDSM again, I would probably hesitate, but I wouldn't mind doing pet play once more from time to time.
Oh, and the clothespins. That's probably the worst.
One time, he placed over 300 clothes pins on my body. I hurt like I never thought it could hurt.
By the time the last one was in place, the first ones were burning red hot.
When he started to remove them, I almost fainted on the pain.
We had an after talk and I made it clear that if he did that again, I was out.
I think I was shaking for hours and the marks on my breasts stayed for almost 2 days (thought I have no idea how long it really was since I didn't have access to a clock).
The rest, even the golden showers was fine then. I didn't really have a lot of self-esteem.
ImRodneyDangerfield40 karma
Slaves get no respect. No respect I tells ya. I went to a fetish party once. I got slapped around, insulted and degraded. Some guy even used me as a toilet. I was there for a tickle fetish. No respect at all.
So my wife, she says 'Rodney, I want to fuck you hard'. I goes up to the bedroom expecting a night of passion. I'm up there for hours and I'm thinking 'Whats taking her so long? I go downstairs to see all my stuff's gone. She leaves me a note and says 'I fucked you good!'. No respect at all.
I was a slave once. I went to one of them dungeon things. I'm an ugly man though. Just not attractive at all. The slave master took one look at me and used his safe word. It's rough being me, its real rough.
johnnygrant31 karma
Wow, are there any lasting physical effects of the ordeal?
Now that you know more, do you look back at the time, what you endured for so long and triple facepalm or brush it off as something that helped you get out the funk?
Did you shower or keep yourself clean during that period?
rebootedgirl31 karma
Wow, are there any lasting physical effects of the ordeal?
I don't believe so. I did have 2 cavities the next time I went to see the dentist. That's pretty much it.
If I had allowed tattoos or branding, I suspect it might have turned out differently, but I am not sure.
Now that you know more, do you look back at the time, what you endured for so long and triple facepalm or brush it off as something that helped you get out the funk?
It depends on what you mean. I do regret the years in high school I was on drugs and sleeping with pretty much everybody. I am lucky I didn't get into more problems.
But I generally have fond memories of first 12 months or so passed in Frank's company. The last few months were harder but nowhere as bad as in my parent's house.
The few times it went a little too far, I tend to indeed brush it off as accidents but I am not sure I see it as specifically helping me getting out of the funk, like you said.
I think it's mostly that someone cared for me and that I didn't have a care in the world.
For those 16 months, I was like a child : no money worries, no wondering what you happen next. I lived entirely in the present and slowly stopped thinking about the past.
Did you shower or keep yourselve clean during that period?
I generally took a long shower each time Frank was out to work, often until the hot water ran out.
I also showered with Frank every day: I generally had to clean him up.
When I was blindfolded, he washed me. That was rather nice.
johnnygrant14 karma
Thx for the answers
So how do you feel about Frank now? You seem to potray him as an ok guy just with a crazy fetish or ?
You somehow never caught any STDs right (when you were sleeping around)?
rebootedgirl32 karma
Always used a condom. It was in the late 90s and most of the guys I fooled around were scared shit of AIDS.
They all knew I was easy so they didn't take any chances and used a condom. In the end, I don't think I had a single unprotected relation.
rmm451777 karma
For those 16 months, I was like a child : no money worries, no wondering what you happen next. I lived entirely in the present and slowly stopped thinking about the past.
Wait how old did you say you were at the time? 16?
How old was Frank? I thought he was around the same age.
rebootedgirl12 karma
I was 18 when I said yes to Frank. He was 37 at the time. I should have made that clearer in my text.
CommonSense3228 karma
I tend to be skeptical when reading IAMA, because of the huge amount of trolls. I didn't however ones have the feeling that this story seemed made up. It might have been one of the most fascinating stories I’ve read on IAMA yet.
I do have some questions if you don't mind me asking: Could you try to describe Frank a bit more accurate? How was he build and where you physically attracted to him? Did he speak to in an ordinary way or did use a special form of speech?
Did he use any special technique during sex that you think might have advantages for us guys here?
All in All, it seems to me Frank really wasn't a bad guy. I do believe in a way he did take advantage of your state, but I know plenty of people who will in one way or another. In the end he enabled you start a new life, with a cleaner slate.
Tnx for the post and good and happy life, to the both of you.
rebootedgirl25 karma
I tend to be skeptical when reading IAMA, because of the huge amount of trolls. I didn't however ones have the feeling that this story seemed made up. It might have been one of the most fascinating stories I’ve read on IAMA yet.
Thank you. That's why my boyfriend wanted me to post it.
I do have some questions if you don't mind me asking: Could you try to describe Frank a bit more accurate? How was he build and where you physically attracted to him?
I don't think at that point that I was very selective. I used to sleep with almost every guy who would smile at me.
He was a little smaller than me (I am 5 foot 6) and only slightly built. Rather shy really.
Did he speak to in an ordinary way or did use a special form of speech?
Not really. He had nothing that stood out.
Did he use any special technique during sex that you think might have advantages for us guys here?
No, but you have to understand that most of the sex I had up to that point had been under the influence of drugs and only with selfish guys.
So, he was the first to care if I had an orgasm or not (thought in some cases, he forbid me to come for days).
One of the things that I think worked was the extremes of sensations. For example, he would spank me until I almost cried of pain and would quickly switch and fuck me.
That alternating between pain and pleasure made the pleasure that much more intense.
All in All, it seems to me Frank really wasn't a bad guy.
I think so to.
I do believe in a way he did take advantage of your current state, but I know plenty of people who will in one way or another.
I guess he did.
In the end he enabled you start a new life, with a cleaner slate.
I am not sure HE did. I think he placed me in a position where I could lift myself from my old life.
Tnx for the post and good and happy life, to the both of you.
Thanks!
rebootedgirl39 karma
The long term safe word was "MacGyver". I know, it sounds weird, but you want to have a word that will not be said by accident. Something that stands out in the conversation.
The "in the moment" safe word was simply "red light". It's apparently very common. "Yellow light" for "slow down" and "red light" to stop.
I used it a few times, notably during long spanking sessions when I had enough.
lavaeater21 karma
REALLY interesting story. I say Frank seems like a "nice" guy - if by nice one means that he didn't murder you but just sincerely seemed to care about you, like you know, a human being to a different human being.
Well, good luck in future endeavors and... shit, I love my kids. Sometimes I think my childhood was bad (it wasn't) and then I read about people with really shitty ones.
rebootedgirl32 karma
REALLY interesting story. I say Frank seems like a "nice" guy - if by nice one means that he didn't murder you but just sincerely seemed to care about you, like you know, a human being to a different human being.
I think so too. For example, he insisted to repeat my safe word several times per week or so to make sure I didn't forget it and he would hold me in his arms for hours after long sessions, to make sure I was alright.
My guess is that perhaps he too had a rough childhood but instead of being cared for he wanted someone to care about.
Sometimes I think my childhood was bad (it wasn't) and then I read about people with really shitty ones.
Yeah, but the worse is that when you compare, there is always someone who had it worse than you. I wasn't sexually abused or even beaten. I wasn't even spanked once.
So after my time with Frank, I simply decided to focus on my new life and move on.
Rebar4Life14 karma
In a weird way, I admire you just because I would imagine this takes such will power. Question: was it sort of like a challenge in your head to NOT say the safe word as long as possible?
rebootedgirl12 karma
Wow, that's a very good question.
My psychologist kept asking me and I still don't have an answer.
You have to understand that my mother was pretty much beaten every day and drilled into my head that you couldn't say no to a man who was taking care of you.
At first, a lot of things triggered my temporary safe word "red light" for the current event to stop, but somehow, I didn't think to just end the whole agreement. I felt safe. I felt loved. I didn't think I could get anything better than I was getting.
In the end however, he pushed too hard and I realized that I wasn't feeling myself. Out of self-preservation, I felt that the "red light" safe word wasn't enough anymore, so I used the full safe word "MacGyver" which ended the whole relationship.
CFVIGA12 karma
I´m impressed with how much your dental hygene worries you (You mention the dentist issue more than once)
As someone who cares a lot about his teeth I salute you.
rebootedgirl28 karma
Well, I learned from Reddit today that my boyfriend's attitude toward dental hygiene is near to obsessive levels.
I thought he was normal, so I mentioned it a lot.
trailstar11 karma
this opened my eyes a lot...
what does your current boyfriend think about it?
rebootedgirl22 karma
At first he didn't believe me at all, but slowly, I gave him more details.
He is proud of how far I went, but I don't think he would react positively if he ever met Frank.
To him, I was abused by him, but I don't share his beliefs.
In the beginning, he would say things like : "How would you like it if I locked you up for the week-end and kept you naked?"
To try and get a reaction or something I guess, but the reality is that I am over all of that. It's my past.
goshdurnit8 karma
This is a general, somewhat philosophical question about 24/7 role playing:
Let's say you start playing a 24/7 role and you stay in the role for the rest of your life. Then it isn't a role, right? Its your identity. Roles seem to be defined by the fact that you envision the possibility of an end to playing them.
rebootedgirl8 karma
It's an interesting question which may explain why it stopped between Frank and me.
I am thinking that after it had been a year, Frank assumed it was my new life and that I was fully devoted to him. A lifelong obedient slave.
He started to push more and more, perhaps to test me, perhaps because he was no longer holding back.
Eventually, he pushed too hard.
The 3 weeks blindfolding had taken me all I could and it was in the middle of a "no talking except during debriefing phase" which was slowly becoming a "no talking at all" rule.
When he wanted to tie me to his cross, something I always hated other than the fact that it was a perfect occasion to beg him to get me down.
This time, I wasn't allowed to talk and it simply was too much for me, so I cancelled everything, making an end to the role.
But I would be lying if I said that I had a clear distinction between my life and my role during those last few months.
Both began to overlap. I was becoming a full time devoted slave and no longer playing the role.
rebootedgirl5 karma
I am 27. Children is a big part of our fighting. I feel I don't really have what it takes to be a mother and my boyfriend thinks that because of my past, I would make an excellent one.
rebootedgirl5 karma
He didn't believe me at first, and was shocked afterwards.
It did cause problems in our sex life, but it returned to normal.
Sadly, in therapy, I became convinced it was good to open to him and told him more about what I went through, so that first year was ups and downs.
Since then, things are good. It's been 7 years since I left and I met my current boyfriend 6 years ago.
ictoan4 karma
Hi, amazing story. It is good you have rebooted and find a better life!
My question is... were you just a sex slave or did you have to do house chores as well? For some reason, I keep thinking about folding clothes and washing dishes when reading the word slave.
rebootedgirl6 karma
I did both. I did the cooking, the laundry, the cleaning, I washed him in the shower. I shaved him in the morning.
I even cleaned the toys he used on me for him. Apart for the first few weeks when he was teaching me, he didn't have to do anything he didn't want to do himself.
He did cook a few meals by himself, but I did all of the dishes.
mudclub1021 karma
That's a pretty amazing story. Thanks.
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