I’ve been a stripper, sugar baby, erotic masseuse, brothel worker and escort. Ask me anything.

Disclaimer: My experience in this industry is one of great privilege, being white, young, able bodied, cisgender, relatively thin, educated and mostly working where sex work is legal. While I do inform myself with their experiences, I don’t speak for sex workers that face disadvantages I do not.

Proof- pic of my payment page proving I subscribe to an escort advertising website https://redditproof.tumblr.com/post/187618924077

Edit: Whoa, totally overwhelmed with questions, thanks folks! I’m going to bed soon, but I’ll work through as much of them as I can in the coming days

Okay seriously it’s on front page now, that’s enough questions 😂

Comments: 3731 • Responses: 113  • Date: 

omfglaurenpaige2362 karma

You said you avoid younger guys, is there a reason why?

dckholster3304 karma

To be clear, I avoid them if they seem entitled/arrogant, but mostly I just dread them haha.

Because they’re usually much harder work

insertcsaki1049 karma

What makes it harder work? (If they are not entitled/arrogant.)

What counts as young?

dckholster2963 karma

Conversation doesn’t flow as easily, they feel like they have something to prove and it’s harder to create an intimate space, they’re so wrapped up in their own shit that they don’t let me do my thing and it just ends up being tense

phi_array2063 karma

In general, what kind of clients do you get? Are you afraid of some?

dckholster3312 karma

They’re just normal dudes. Mostly work in trades, IT or engineering, 30’s-50’s.

I avoid young clients, guys who seem too arrogant and guys on drugs when I can, so very rarely am I afraid

Sacto431573 karma

Man...as an engineer I'm gonna have a hard look at some of my coworkers...

Edit: Thanks for gold kind stranger. I cant wait to tell me wife I got my first gold star on a thread involving engineers and a sex worker.

dckholster4104 karma

The stats are there, my friend. Y’all have too much money, not enough time and certainly not enough female energy around you

maimeddivinity770 karma

How do you get to find out that info beforehand (if you have to)? Is there two-way communication / do they have profiles you can view too?

dckholster1004 karma

I speak to them on the phone

Six10H1883 karma

What's the least sexual service you've provided? Or what is the least sexual offer you've gotten?

dckholster2572 karma

Just cuddling, that’s happened a couple of times

FinishTheFish1327 karma

A magazine here ran a big interview with a sex worker years ago, one thing that stuck with me was she said people would be surprised by the amount of clients not wanting any sex at all, they were just lonely and this was the only way they could talk to someone, even married guys. Had any of that?

dckholster1212 karma

Maybe it’s something about me, but sex is almost always a part of it. If that’s just the excuse to get the rest of the experience, I can’t say, but I think that’s the case pretty often

FeetBowl119 karma

That actually makes me wonder if it's the "mommy" types that get clients asking for cuddles more often! It makes sense to me!

dckholster136 karma

Yep, there are people who cater to that market specifically

ScenicHwyOverpass1833 karma

You say sex work is a daily grind like all jobs, what would you say a "good work day" looks like versus what a "bad work day" looks like?

dckholster3444 karma

Good: Lots of clients who are easy to organise an appointment with, understand the transaction, are respectful, take what they need, have a nice chat and leave on time.

Bad: few clients, all of whom want you to dirty talk them to secure a booking, pester you about dating them, push you for services you don’t offer, hang around for ages and won’t leave.

Bradl4502414 karma

Fucking lingerer man

dckholster4371 karma

Over the years I’ve realised that “I have another client coming, do you want to meet him?” teaches somebody how to tie their shoes pretty quickly

supercharged07081864 karma

“Yes, lets have a threesome”

dckholster3267 karma

Yeah that did happen once, cue back pedalling

Passe_Myse1506 karma

Always wanted to ask someone of your profession what your thoughts about your customers and humans in general. Or to ask in a different way: What have you learned about the rest of us that we may not know about?

dckholster3626 karma

A lot of men come to see sex workers for the sex, sure, but I think sex is the only way they know how to get intimacy and intimacy is what the lonely are really craving. I’ve learned how important non sexual touch an intimacy can be by seeing so many people get it from me for the first time in a long time. So I guess what I’ve learned is that if I feel like I’m craving sex and that becomes dysfunctional in any way, to try and dig into that and see if it’s about intimacy or even just touch, because those needs can be quenched in other ways too. I’ve learned to look for that need in my friends and lovers and I think it helps.

Healyhatman1354 karma

Do you enjoy sex outside of your sex work, or is it just more work?

dckholster1763 karma

I do! I have different kinds of sex outside of work, which is why I keep work so vanilla

KinimodZoro1342 karma

What was the most WTF situtation you had on your work?

And did you ever develop any feelings for your customers or are all of them just paying customers and nothing else?

dckholster2787 karma

There’s a guy who is notorious for asking you to run him over with your car, that was pretty WTF.

That has happened for some of my colleagues, but never for myself. I’m primarily romantically attracted to women, and even if I wasn’t I am very good at separating work from personal in my head, and I can’t really turn that off. I have regular clients who I love very much as friends, but it’s never been romantic

Edit: actually my biggest WTF moment was when a client used an ENTIRE full sized bottle of body wash in his shower before the booking. Bubbles were coming out of my drain for days.

BoisterousPlay980 karma

This is hilarious. Of all the WTF moments I could imagine in your line of work, it’s something this mundane.

dckholster1140 karma

The sex stuff just becomes unremarkable after a while, but the mundane stuff sticks 😂

ArbitriumVincitOmnia458 karma

“...notorious for asking you to run him over with your car”

I have so many questions I don’t even know where to start.

dckholster474 karma

Same

Gankstar1315 karma

Does attractiveness of your client matter to you? Do you charge less for more attractive clients? Would you turn down unattractive clients?

dckholster2349 karma

Nope, not at all. I’m actually pretty weary when somebody attractive walks through the door, as they (not always) can be much life arrogant and entitled. Lube exists and I’m not doing this for fun, so what they look like isn’t relevant

couchsweetpotato816 karma

Are there ever any clients that are just so repulsive you don’t think you could possibly be in close contact with them?

dckholster1627 karma

Not physically, I’ve had sex with some pretty rancid situations. But if the hygiene is to an unacceptable level I ask that they have another shower and supervise them.

coffeeBM1260 karma

What do you like to do for fun?

Has SW impacted your own sex life in any negative way?

dckholster2226 karma

Cook a lot, read, study, play games, garden, fuck, see friends, music.

It’s warped my perception of money, for sure. And when I was doing high volume brothel work I lost touch with my body sexually, but I’m a therapy junky so I’ve gotten that in check now

rosebuds-his-sled639 karma

What’s a therapy junky? What therapy have you done and what works for you or your situation?

dckholster1178 karma

I find therapy really enjoyable and useful.

Mostly just with psychologists, the usual talk stuff

Quackenstein393 karma

I just want to say that, judging by your responses here and attitude, kudos to your therapists.

dckholster491 karma

Aww! I should show this to him, except I screenshot the one about wanting to fuck him too 😂

Cereborn20 karma

Do you have a hard time finding good psychologists?

I've heard stories from other sex workers about how difficult it is for them to seek therapy, because the vast majority of therapists will just tell them their problems are because of sex work.

dckholster26 karma

I have relied heavily on reccomendations from Other workers

rachbbbbb317 karma

I'm not OP but sex work has left me almost celibate!

I am so fed up with looking for a fling, only to have it be a let down and have me wish I had just worked instead.

The trusty wand is my companion now. Never lets me down. I miss the intimacy, but not enough to put up with a man/woman for long enough to breed true intimacy.

dckholster290 karma

The wand makes an appearance, haha

WhipsandPetals986 karma

What are your normal rates and how do you protect yourself from STDs?

dckholster2457 karma

I charge $500/hour, which is mid-high range where I am. If it’s quiet I make a second persona and charge $300/hour.

Strict condom use, alcohol mouthwash, keeping a ‘clean hand’ and a ‘dirty hand’ for touching our respective junk, visual health checks before I put them in the shower before a booking, post exposure prophylaxis if there’s an accident with somebody I think is risky (this is very rare), and regular STD screening for myself

DCPirate161268 karma

An hour is far too long. Can you prorate it to $83 for 10 mins?

summon_lurker938 karma

Since we’re here, how about $25 for 3mins.. and btw I take really quick 2min showers.

dckholster2217 karma

You joke but this is exactly the shit I have to navigate every day 😂

WhipsandPetals443 karma

Kudos to you. I'm pretty scared of people tampering with their medical certificates because of the stigma surrounding std. Still, please take care and be sure to always stay healthy.

dckholster441 karma

Yeah I would never ask for a medical certificate as proof of anything from a stranger. If I do anything risky in my personal life it’s because it’s with somebody I trust to disclose, and I make that a comfortable space for them to do so (and if they disclose I obviously take necessary precautions)

Steampunkz823 karma

I definitely agree with your statement that some men are just into it for the intimacy. Had you ever had the case where a client wanted just exactly that?

dckholster1026 karma

Most of them want intimacy, but I’ve had maybe 5 bookings in 6 years where we didn’t have sex in some capacity

M_Messervy2179 karma

I mean, I go to Benihana for the showmanship but that doesn't mean I'm not going to eat the food.

dckholster596 karma

Ha!

rrickitickitavi771 karma

Do you consider Sugar Baby situations to always be sex work? There are those who claim to find ambiguity.

dckholster1419 karma

In my opinion if you’re providing a sexual service for money, that’s sex work. And the vast vast majority of sugar babies provide a sexual service.

polluxstoi757 karma

Thanks for the AMA, hope I'm not too late.

What's the best way to ethically find a sex worker? To be confident that the person is not being exploited? Given the legality (and the whole FOSTA thing) it seems very hard now to safely find someone and be sure they are doing sex work on their own choice. EDIT: See you mentioned you are somewhere it is legal, but maybe you still have some insight?

dckholster639 karma

It’s hard for me to say because it’s legal where I am, I’m not super familiar with how all of that works elsewhere, I’m sorry. FOSTA really fucked with us here, I can’t even imagine how bad it must be in the states.

My best advice would be to find somebody who will speak to you on the phone for a short time, so you can gauge the vibe that way, clients do that with me sometimes

aBigBottleOfWater474 karma

What made you decide to become a sex worker and not something else?

dckholster784 karma

I thought it would be cool, and it is an easy job to get. I tried it and it suited me well so I kept doing it. Wish it was a more interesting origin story lol

anon33312267 karma

But why did you think it would be cool?

dckholster816 karma

I thought sex was cool and I thought subversion of social norms was cool, very 19yo of me but I was right, haha

anon33312185 karma

Do you ever have dreams of doing something different?

dckholster460 karma

Yes, but they don’t necessarily preclude me from doing sex work as well

PotentialWorldChamp461 karma

Do you have any safety precautions to make sure you will not be in danger?

dckholster1189 karma

I have priced myself out of the worst of the riff raff tbh, other than that I don’t take bookings with new clients after 10pm, I always work in a secure apartment buildings, and I’m really good at conflict management and deescalation. But primarily please refer to my disclaimer about privilege, it’s very relevant here

Marrionetta212 karma

Follow up question, how did you build your conflict resolution skills?

dckholster293 karma

A lot of it was necessity and time spent in more controlled environments before transitioning to working by myself, and doing some reading about it and trying to put those tips into play

SwimmingCoyote413 karma

Thanks for doing this. You say you’re young but that you also plan to stay in the sex industry. My assumption is that older sex workers are less in demand. Am I incorrect? How do you see your career evolving as you age?

dckholster804 karma

Less in demand on average, yeah, but not in a way that prevents them from working. Especially if they’ve been in it a long time and have an established brand and bank of regulars. Some of the most successful workers I know are in their 40’s.

I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing for as long as it’s lucrative, invest my money and keep studying and getting qualifications for things I love

Batchagaloop135 karma

How old are you?

dckholster285 karma

25

Spinyhug80 karma

That's amazing, kudos to you! I'm not going to ask you what you study, but I am wondering how you combine it? Are you able to attend classes, or does that cause you to miss to many clients? Do you think you would and could combine your current line of work with a part-time job in another sector, and are you ever worried prospective employers will find out / judge you for your current profession?

dckholster164 karma

Right now I study about 3 days a week, work 2-3 days a week, and there’s down time in that work period for study. That’s varied a lot over time, but the beauty of sex work is that it can fit around other stuff. It’s just like any job anyone has while they’re studying.

I will do other work as well at some stage, but I’m pretty pig headed and would make a pretty huge legal scene about it if somebody discriminated against me in the workplace

Coiledviper354 karma

Few questions for you.

1 What do you want to get across to the general public that most if not anyone knows about sex workers?

2 What percentage of your clients are married vs percentage of your clients are unmarried?

3 My brother went in as a sex worker (Gay) He loves it and probably makes more in a week than most do in a quarter. He has had few close calls where they have tried to rob him so now he has a firearm or other forms of personal protection do you?

Thank you in advance and hope you have great day.

dckholster609 karma

  1. We walk among you! It’s normal! Quit acting like sex workers are always wearing pleasers and fishnets to the grocery store!

  2. I have no idea, I don’t ask. But married clients are not rare.

  3. I’ve never been robbed thankfully, but it happens. I protect myself in preventative ways, but if that were to happen I wouldn’t want to bring a weapon into the mix, I can make more money.

elezarfig341 karma

What’s something about your profession(s) that you believe would surprise people?

And, what would you like everyone to know?

dckholster916 karma

That it’s just a daily grind, normal career once the novelty wears off. Also the fact that we all work with our periods, haha.

I would like everyone to know that we are not necessarily being destroyed by this work! It can be as benign as being a massage therapist for some people. And for the people who are negatively affected by it, criminalising it and shaming us/our clients only makes that problem worse.

TeddlyBear184 karma

How do you work when you have your period? Only oral at that time? Do you tell your clients?

dckholster460 karma

Put a sponge up ya and don’t take long bookings, they never know

LA_Nail_Clippers288 karma

What are you doing in terms of health insurance, retirement, later working years, etc. (depending on your locale of course)?

I have a few friends who did some less-than-legal work in the cannabis industry for years, and are now in their mid 40s and realized they haven't contributed enough to retirement, and have had a tough time getting 'real' jobs now that they want to go legit. It's an unfortunate circumstance.

dckholster491 karma

I live in Australia so I don’t need health insurance. I’m investing money and contributing to a superannuation fund, and also getting qualifications in other industries (though that’s mostly for fun at this stage).

I dunno, I know a lot of parents who have gone and gotten jobs after decades off to raise children, I don’t see why it would be any life difficult for me. Plus you wouldn’t believe the networking I get done with clients!

MadDany94255 karma

How do people find you?

dckholster378 karma

I advertise on escort directories

Aluminum_condom175 karma

How does one find escort directories?

FeetBowl862 karma

Google

dckholster808 karma

Somebody crown this guy

Cutezacoatl231 karma

Are there any legal changes or protections you would like to see in the sex industry where you work?

dckholster566 karma

Universal decriminalisation, unions!!!, anti discrimination legislation and more precedent cases for SW successfully prosecuting their abusers/rapists (this is getting some slow but promising traction)

Momentum-7110 karma

Do you think unionization of SW is something that can form?

As well, what would the benefits of unionization be?

I find this whole thread super interesting, thanks a billion for doing it!

dckholster181 karma

I don’t see why it couldn’t, but I don’t know very much about the process.

As it stands there is little to no regulation of our working conditions in a way that protects us, only ones that make it more dangerous. I would hope that unions would help brothel workers be able to demand respectful and humane working environments.

Fat_Ladyy220 karma

Serious question, my new significant other recently came to me and told me that she used to be an escort. I'm not phased by it because I love her and honestly would do the exact same thing if I were a woman...

Do you have any tips on how to navigate the situation without offending her if and when we do decide to talk about her past again?

dckholster368 karma

Serious answer; what do you need to navigate, if you aren’t phased by it? If you aren’t phased I don’t imagine she’d be offended, probably relieved she could talk about it with you

Edit: I want to give a more complex answer to this but I’ll need some more detail before I can

shimmybee219 karma

Do couples ever request your services? Or do you even allow couples?

dckholster340 karma

They do but I never see them anymore, it’s too much for me to navigate and it stresses me out

Six10H190 karma

Do you enjoy your work? What is the best part of it?

dckholster494 karma

I do! Not in a ‘the sex is awesome’ way but in a ‘this job makes me feel good and suits me’ way.

The money, honey. But also the flexibility

Six10H108 karma

Has their been any point at which you've wanted to quit? If so, what made you keep going?

dckholster332 karma

There’s one guy I have saved in my phone as ‘makes me want to quit the industry’ but that wears off after the booking 😂

sjp245188 karma

If I live in a country where sex is illegal but erotic massage is legal, and there are red light districts around major train stations, how can I get the service I want (pretty vanilla sexual experiences) without supporting a situation where woman who is being taken advantage of?

I would be one of the "good" customers who replies promptly to arrange a meeting, understands the transaction, is respectful, and leaves after getting what they need. The barrier between having never done it and doing it is quite large in my opinion. I don't want to support an oppressive industry, but I also want to get the release, if possible.

Also, how do I protect myself from being blackmailed, assaulted, robbed, or drugged before, during, and after the "transaction."

Thanks for your time!

dckholster200 karma

Without an intimate knowledge of how it works in your area I’m not sure I can help you there, I’m sorry, but I really respect your question. Have a google and see if there are any local sex worker organisations you could reach out to?

For the latter point, for escorts see if they have any reviews available? The advertising sites usually have them

cuzitsathrowawayday187 karma

Do you pay taxes?

dckholster432 karma

Yes, unfortunately. Tax time sucks because everyone else gets money back and I have to pay thousands 😢

jhairehmyah208 karma

Everyone else who is not self-employed or run their own business. True, this is the most understood part about self-employment, but let's not forget there are lots of us who share this sad truth... paying in April, not partying with a refund. :(

dckholster383 karma

Truth. I just have to hope that all my clients who do get a refund spend it on me 😂

scrodytheroadie121 karma

You should be making estimated payments throughout the year so you're not paying it all at once. If you estimate too much, you could get a refund as well. Refunds are overrated though. It just means you leant the government money without making any interest. It was always your money, they were just holding it for you.

dckholster60 karma

I’m actually starting to pay it quarterly this year, good call

MeshColour29 karma

In the chance you don't know: They get the money that was withheld back, you have the opportunity to invest the money over the year getting a small amount of interest on it, where theirs just sits in an IRS account. That policy was started because the average person couldn't plan and save the required amount to live and profit in this country

dckholster34 karma

Not in your country, but it works in a similar way here yes.

iamspiderone172 karma

What's the most uncommon but respectful request you've ever had ? Did you accept ?

dckholster547 karma

I don’t do fetish work so I don’t get much outlandish stuff. As far as genuine inquiries as opposed to the ones that send weird shit out to everyone for fun, the weirdest one I accepted was him wanting me to jerk him off with a precious clients cum. Which I did, but I waited until I had a regular who consented to that because I’m not into using people’s bodily fluids like that without their consent

bikebum161 karma

Did the client who offered up his jizz get some store credit?

dckholster245 karma

Haha he actually did 😂

CahkShlap161 karma

What’s the difference between being an escort and being a prostitute?? As I understand it, an escort is the same as a prostitute but you pay more for the girlfriend experience, like dinner and a movie before. Is this true?

dckholster285 karma

Prostitution encompasses all sex for money, escorting is a specific format of doing that (not street based or in a brothel)

_Queentini161 karma

What is your screening process for clienst to ensure your safety?

dckholster413 karma

This one I’m not prepared to go into detail about, sorry! Industry secrets.

DrC8H10N4O2115 karma

Which job type did/do you enjoy most? What was your best on the job moment from all of them?

dckholster292 karma

Escorting, for sure. Best moment was getting a super heartfelt message from one of my regulars after a booking about having changed his life 🥰

interspar91 karma

How much did you get from your sd per month? How much would you demand for spending a night?

dckholster268 karma

I had a few different arrangements, but honestly this was my most hated venture in sex work and I never stuck with it more than about 6 months. All of them averaged to about $2k a month where we met up once a week for dinner and sex and had casual text based contact between that. Occasionally they would buy me other things, but I don’t like shopping so I never ‘demanded’ (lol) anything for that. Just not a shit restaurant.

It was basically glorified escorting tbh, because for the vast majority of sugar babies they’re getting less than escorts for doing more sexually and I can’t abide by that

Itwillbegrand86 karma

You have a wide range of jobs. Of all the different sex worker jobs you have had, which are your top 3 and why. Which would you not do again any why?

dckholster240 karma

Escorting is great, brothel work is solid and easy? Erotic massage was fun. Stripping was really hard work and I hate sugaring tbh, too much pandering to people trying to hustle me

Slh31383 karma

In your opinion do pubic hair are a turn off ? I don't like having pubes down there so I always shave but I don't really know if girls like no pubic hair at all

dckholster164 karma

Nope, if I had to choose I’d say I prefer a trimmed situation, but as long as it’s not getting in the way I don’t mind

CaptainBlau82 karma

I wonder, do you have a favourite time of day to work?

dckholster278 karma

Middle of the day, fucking in the sunlight is the best after years of night work

pmiller6179 karma

How did you get started in sex work?

dckholster190 karma

Called my local strip club and asked if they’re hiring, came in for an interview and started that weekend

Spank00771 karma

What’s the quickest a dudes ever ‘finished’? And what’s the longest? And what do you prefer?

dckholster188 karma

I prefer as quickly as possible.

One time a guy came without even touching his dick, that was awesome

Nikpick10067 karma

Do you have any member of your family that knows what you're doing? And if so what do they think of it?

dckholster354 karma

My whole family knows what I do, I’m lucky that I don’t have to hide it. I have a very small and close knit family, it wouldn’t be possible anyway. They’re fine! Parents were worried at first but they settled when we had some conversations about it, I don’t talk in great detail about it with the older relatives.

Little brother thinks it’s hilarious and unfortunately opens up to me about being a furry because he knows I’m comfortable with sexual weirdness 😂

NemoEsq335 karma

Little brother thinks it’s hilarious and unfortunately opens up to me about being a furry because he knows I’m comfortable with sexual weirdness

As a father to a boy and a girl, and someone who tries to be very "woke" and modern, I think I could learn to be ok if my daughter went into legal sex work. But a furry son? I might have to draw the line there 😂

dckholster266 karma

That’s what mum says 😂

Stambro164 karma

When’s the last time you had a personal relationship (dating, bf & gf or gf & gf) with someone? Did you tell them what you do for a living?

dckholster185 karma

I just broke up with my gf of 2.5 years recently 😢 before that I am kind of a serial dater so I haven’t spent a lot of time single at all. Of course I tell them, it’s my only income and a huge part of my life and my communities lives

rottingpisssmell58 karma

Ever had a dude start crying?

dckholster128 karma

Yes, love it

MJJean48 karma

What's the sex tip or trick you think everyone should know how to perform and are shocked so few do?

dckholster156 karma

Best way to give a blow job? Use your hands Best way to give a hand job? Use your mouth

KirbyTheSamurai45 karma

Have you ever gave discounts to anyone? Like close customers or something similar?

dckholster173 karma

Occasionally, yeah! Never with new clients as it sets a precedent. I have one regular who I see at a reduced rate because he’s spent a fortune on me and he’s a good friend, one who lost his job and had to get a lower paying one, and with my other regulars if I’m having a quiet time I’ll offer them a discount as an incentive. Also if I have scheduling issues and I’m needing somebody to work around me in a way that might inconvenience them I will offer a discount

IamRick_Deckard42 karma

Can you talk through a bit of the social/emotional dynamic? For instance, what do you do to make people comfortable? And you must pretend you like what's happening, and these people buy it?

dckholster80 karma

Studied up on body language stuff and developed a good small talk routine over the years. Smile a lot. Lots of eye contact, lots of non sexual touch as well. I pay attention to what makes me feel connected and intimate with partners and replicate that. They seem to buy it, yeah! I do encourage them to do things for their own pleasure rather than mine, but that never works lol

MrJAVAgamer31 karma

Have you ever had problems with authorities? If you did and you were face-to-face with a cop, what were their stances on your work?

Do you work in an organized group, like an escort company, or are you a freelancer? If you work in a group, do you get benefits, monetary or not?

Have you been in conflict with another escort?

dckholster62 karma

It’s legal where I work, so no, I avoid cops anyway though.

I escort independently, I don’t work for anyone. But even people who do work for agencies get no benefits, it’s all independent contracting.

I try pretty hard to keep my head down and not ruffle any feathers and be good for the community. I’ve had the occasional online spat, but I got most of that out of my system

wordofthe_bird29 karma

I'm thinking about escorting myself, im a straight guy in his twenties and living in aus too, any tips for me?? Do you recommend it for someone like me?? Thanks in advance :)

dckholster66 karma

I have met a grand total of one straight male sex workers who I don’t hate so honestly I can’t give you any advice there sorry!

milkyballsunited26 karma

What was your first experience which pushed you out of your comfort zone like?

dckholster42 karma

Starting any new job in this industry pushed me out of my comfort zone, new job anxiety plus all the hype and stigma around sex work puts first day jitters on steroids! But once the initial shock wears off, it’s just normal

Daddy_010324 karma

Your proof is lacking...?

dckholster46 karma

Oh shit hold up let me try and fix it.

Edit: couldn’t for the life of me get an imgur link to work

Kva123424 karma

How many clients do you get per month?

dckholster46 karma

0-50, depends on the month

bulwerk23 karma

Do you plan on having a mainstream career in the future? If so, do you think your current work would create any issues?

dckholster65 karma

I plan on having other jobs/pastimes around sex work, but I’m not planning on leaving the sex industry and letting other things take over unless I fall in love with something else.

Not so much the work, but the lack of ability to put it on a resumé is an issue. But that’s what qualifications, charm and lies are for!

bananasmatter21 karma

Have you ever had to deal with depression or just overall low self-esteem? Do you feel pressured?

dckholster76 karma

Yeah, definitely, but never because of my job. In fact, sex work pretty much cured my body image issues and a big stint of work often pulls me out of a depressive episode, as I’m being productive and interacting with people. This isn’t the case for everyone; I’m very lucky.

Sometimes I feel pressured outside of work to be more productive, as I work fewer hours than a lot of people in other industries. That can impact on my self esteem, but I’m trying to see that as a motivation to develop myself in the ways that I want (hobbies, education, skill building, relationship building), rather than trying to find self actualisation in another career that has more built in productivity buttons, y’know?

cursed_deity17 karma

if you ever entered a relatioship would you always tell your SO about your past even if it might mean he or she is going to leave???

dckholster39 karma

I have been in a few long term relationships as a sex worker and I always tell them, it wouldn’t be impossible for me to hide. Ones job usually comes up before entering into a relationship so somebody leaving me because of it has never really crossed my mind

phoenixbbs15 karma

Is there anything you've ever flat-out refused to do ?

Was it primarily a source of income to live, or could you be choosy about your clientele ?

What's the scariest situation you've found yourself in, and was it also the most dangerous in reality ?

dckholster64 karma

Oh lots of things, I’m pretty vanilla in what I offer at work. I don’t do anal, unprotected stuff, fetish work, golden showers on them (mind is willing, body is weak)...

I have only ever worked in the sex industry, it’s always been my primary income. But because of my privilege, I do okay so I can refuse clients if I need to (but I don’t unless there’s a valid reason).

The scariest situation was when I started getting death threats, I don’t even know if it was from a client or not. It never eventuated to anything but the way the police handled it helped me feel pretty unsafe (“haha, track their IP and go to their house and ask them to stop” - I’m not even exaggerating)

GrahamKad14 karma

Do you do your own taxes? Does someone handle your taxes? Or do you choose not to disclose income to irs? I assume your transactions are cash based meaning taxes at the end of the year would be exorbitant.

If you do not wish to answer that question I have other questions for example, have you ever feared for your life while working this field?

dckholster35 karma

Both, I’ve done my own and gotten an accountant for it. I need to get on to either one of those right now actually, thanks for the reminder 😒

I have thankfully never feared for my life in a situation with a client, just kind of in general when I hear about awful things happening to other workers/see people making dead hooker jokes

Nudnikorama12 karma

How much?

dckholster22 karma

How long would you like to book for?

Nudnikorama34 karma

I would love to reply 2 hours but let's be realistic... 12 minutes ?

dckholster44 karma

My 15 minute service is $200 for new clients

spaghettilee21129 karma

Do you think legalizing sex work where sex work is illegal would help or hurt with human trafficking?

dckholster20 karma

It would definitely help trafficked people. In places where sex work is legal, trafficking is already illegal

rollie826 karma

Do you ever feel you are taking advantage of lonely guys that feel they just aren't good enough in the normal meat-market?

dckholster98 karma

Are restaurants taking advantage of the hungry people that walk in?

bgumsmurphy4 karma

How did you get started in the sex industry? Were you influenced by someone else or was this something you considered for a long time and decided to go for of your own volition?

dckholster8 karma

I’d always thought it was cool, and did a lot of research, so when I moved to the city when I was 19 and needed a job I contacted a local strip club and that was it! Thankfully my then partner was supportive, and my family was mostly supportive but ill informed (they came around with conversation)

bgumsmurphy8 karma

Are you annoyed that most people pity sex workers? You guys are kind of viewed as tortured souls. I certainly feel bad for street prostitutes when I see them. Never really heard from the other side what the motivations and feelings around it are though.

dckholster10 karma

In my community most people don’t pity sex workers, so while I like doing this sort of thing and engaging with a wider community, I don’t always have to which mitigates that annoyance. But yes, it’s frustrating.

Party_Time_Bob4 karma

From reading the other questions I am figuring you don’t have a pimp. Is this usual in your level or do prostitution managers still exist at. Your level? Have you ever had one and what was this like? Are you still courted by pimps?

dckholster5 karma

Where I live and in general (I think) it’s really not common to ‘have a pimp’. There are escort agencies and brothels for that purpose.

I would love for a lover to come with me on a work trip and handle all of my admin for me, but alas I haven’t been able to make that happen yet lol

necro_sodomi4 karma

The top money girls in my area are latina. Are you sure that white privilege helps you earn more?

dckholster66 karma

The privilege comment is not just about earning more, it’s mostly about the way we are treated. This often equates to what we can get paid, but not always.

The top money girls in your area are Latina, but what is the racial demographic of the lowest earning girls? High end is not and will never be indicative of how privilege and disadvantage works in any industry. Those girls probably had to work a lot harder to get to where they are than the white girls in the same position did

smarquezramos17 karma

Cheers to this comment, very thoughtful response!

dckholster13 karma

Thanks!

Sarpedon2344 karma

You are the type of person i would love to drink a cup of coffee !
As for the question , have you ever had a trip with your client for a longer period of time ( and if so , was it good company or shitty one) ?

dckholster10 karma

Thank you!

I haven’t, the longest booking I’ve done was 12 hours. I don’t think I would really enjoy trips with clients, I’d struggle being ‘on’ for such a long time so I don’t advertise as available for that

ral44403 karma

Which country are you working at?

dckholster5 karma

Australia

snellickers3 karma

With all the hysteria around ‘sex trafficking’, can society distinguish between economic migrant sex workers who come to wealthier countries for opportunity versus those brought against their will?

dckholster2 karma

I certainly fucking hope so. But the bottom line is even if they can’t distinguish that, protect them anyway

MiffedCanadian0 karma

You're 25. You haven't had a real job, and have never used your degree. Changing careers now is going to be extremely difficult, and even if you do, it'll be way more work for much less pay than you're used to. You're single. You're "working" in a field that almost every successful/respectable person would never date. Time is against you. You're at the end of your prime. Those rates you can charge are going to start dropping, and never rise again. I feel like it needs to be said again, you're 25.

How do you plan to survive long-term? Have you been smart and saved a huge fortune to help you coast by afterwards? What do you envision your 30s, 40s, 50s, and even 60s looking like?

dckholster1 karma

I disagree on pretty much all fronts, and you’re the sort of person I don’t want to give any more time to for free, sorry!

john2find-6 karma

How much extra one need to pay to make a SW agree for anal ?

how do I identify a SW on a busy street ?

dckholster4 karma

This might surprise you, but SW are not one homogenous hive mind and so all have different boundaries around anal.

I’m not that familiar with street based work, sorry. Where I live there are some streets/areas that are known for it, but I’m not sure how people organise outside of that

GodsGunman-8 karma

Why call it sex work when it's been called prostitution forever, or otherwise known as being a whore? Are those terms offensive to you and other people in your trade, and if so, why when that very accurately describes what you do?

dckholster1 karma

Language evolves to suit changes in context, society, to accomodate diversification etc.. Sex work is also an umbrella term that covers lots of things other than being a whore (full service work).

It could be argued that the N word accurately describes African people, do you understand why that term is offensive?

It being offensive or not is a matter of intent and context. My colleagues and I call each other whores as terms of endearment all the time, but it’s not coming from the same place when coming from a non sex worker. When people are just trying to be edgy, though, it’s hard to even care enough to get offended. Sorry.

SchlomoHarambe64-26 karma

If a male sex worker and female sex worker have sex who pays who? Or does it depend on who is more expensive?

dckholster22 karma

Sex workers can have sex for fun/for free in their personal lives, so if they’re just doing it for fun then nobody pays, like normal.

If one is booking the other, then that one pays. Is that what you meant? I’m a bit confused by this question

I just recently ended a 2 year relationship with another sex worker and we didn’t pay each other once!