IamA 12 year Navy vet with 4.5 years on a US Submarine and time in the Navy Reserve. AMA!

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Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

Lol. You're asking the wrong guy.

Just be wary of innocent looking rabbits...

Like I wouldn't bring a goddamn holy hand grenade......

Out of curiosity, what type of food did you eat while on a submarine?

How much food did you get?

How did you pass the time?

Best food in the Navy! Made to order eggs every morning for breakfast. Typical shit for lunch and dinner. Sandwiches, pasta, burgers, whatever. We'd usually get at least one steak and crab leg dinner on a deployment. They kept us pretty well fed. I usually had enough to not really feel hungry at any time. There was always fresh fruit sitting out if you wanted a snack too.

Passing the time usually involved cards or watching a movie. There was a LOT of fuck off time so we'd mess with each other a lot too. Had one guy that kept bringing down a guitar since he worked in sonar and had room to stow it. I'd hijack it and play once in a while.

I bet you guys have access to the VERY BEST crabs...

Understatement of the day right there.

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49 couples and two pissed off sailors. Get it right. Lol

I always heard 49 couples, a golden gloves winner and a bodybag.

Haha. Well played.

Jesus Christ, I see a whole lot of "I fucked off" and "I slept alot". Sounds like a typical fuckin' coner to me! Just kidding bro. I was a nuke EM on a fast boat. People always have the same questions, right?

Lol. Fucking nukes. Get in the back and push!!

I enjoy answering them. Makes me happy to know I did something that has the interest of people.

Coners - Always asking us to get in the back and push.

I wasn't asking.... :)

Yes, darling. I'm definitely a female.

Phew. The tension was running high there for a second. Lol

And I'm flattered.

Do you play the bass? If so, upright or electric?

I do play. Have been since '97. Hence the username.

I can play either, but prefer an electric.

Not a question, but if we knew each other better, and were closer to each other, I'd kiss you like that old picture from the end of WWII. A salute and an upvote will have to do, I suppose. The sentiment is still there, sir!

Please be a female... Please be a female.....

I appreciate the kind words.

Did you ever meet any special operations guys? and if so what was your impression?

I met a master chief that was a Navy Seal. He was supervising some training that they were doing that involved the boat and he didn't want me shooting them or causing a scene if I happened to see them. Truth be told, I would have never seen them if he didn't point them out. They simulated planting a bomb on the bottom of the boat in the middle of the night and it impressed the hell out of me. Those guys are super badass.

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The most technologically advanced diesel submarine in the Swedish Navy. The only problem with diesel boats is that they are noisy as hell when they come up. Submerged, however, you can't hear a damn thing because they run on battery power and it's kind of a bitch to hear a battery.

I never had an encounter with a Gotland class submarine, but I did conduct a couple wargames with an Australian Collins class sub. They kicked our asses.

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That's a pretty awesome news clip. Running a sterling air powered motor underwater to keep the batteries charged is pretty slick idea. So it's not really "driven by diesel while submerged", but something really similar. It would be really interesting to see what would happen if the US had to go up against one of these.

One thing that stood out in that story was that it "sunk" the Reagan. Aircraft carriers are huge fucking targets and relatively easy to get at in wargames. When all bets are off and they're in a battle group though, there are quite a few ships there protecting them.

When we did RIMPAC off the coast of Hawaii, we went up against a lot of other countries and one Australian sub. We dominated the surface ships but got our ass kicked by the Australians. They were the only ones that even found us. We handed back the ass-kickery at times but overall, they were pretty creative and elusive.

Yeah we Aussies with any military interest get to hear that story quite often, the RAN is pretty damn proud of it. Many years ago I went to the sub base in Perth and yup, they told us. They took a picture of the stern plate didn't they? Then presented it to the captain of the carrier over dinner or some typically Australian thing. Is that true?

Absolutely true

What do you think of the Australian Navy in general? Technologically competent and compact is how I've heard it described.

I would agree. The people I met were really friendly and fun to be around as well.

My dad was in the Navy for several years. He once told me a story about the "Phantom Shitter"; one of the men would take a shit in the middle of a very public place, and no one ever found out who it was. Did you ever experience anything like that?

Who the fuck just shits on the floor and walks away?!? I heard about them, never saw one. We did have a guy threaten to drop a deuce down the weapon shipping hatch because we couldn't find him a relief while he was the topside watch in port. Would have landed a few feet from the CO's stateroom. Would have been amusing.

We had some goofy stuff though. Dude that put on the CO's underwear and pissed himself then put his laundry back in the dryer. (Officers don't have to do their own laundry) "Super Nuke" was a nuke that would wear a cape and his belt and run around. That was all he was wearing. A site to see while you're trying to eat lemme tell you.

Why didnt he just piss onto the underwear instead of pissing himself while wearing it?

It's awful lot funnier to see him standing in the shower doing that than just pissing on fabric.

I didnt realize he was in a shower, I just visualized him in a laundry room stealing underwear, putting it on and then pissing himself just to take it back off and put it in the dryer

Lol. It's so much more horrible when I read it. But yea. He grabbed em, ran into the lower level head, stripped down, threw on captains skivvies, hopped in the shower and just started pissing. He was giggling like a school girl the whole time. Then he ripped em off, tossed em in the dryer to dry and went back to work. I'll never forget it.

People have a real funky sense of humor in the military lol. When I was in basic training getting yelled at by a drill sergeant a guy behind the drill sergeant would stick his dick out through the fly of his pants to make you laugh while getting yelled at. It was a blast trying to make up excuses to drill sergeants whats so funny.

Sounds exactly like the Navy. The guys on sticks aren't allowed to let go when we are moving for fear of getting their ass chewed by the senior diving officer right next to him. Had a guy that used to set his dick on your shoulder while you were driving. Can't let go of the sticks!! Best defense ever was the failed attempt at a kids on it. He quit doing it shortly after that and the new guy driving became a rockstar overnight.

Are there still any good mythical sea creature sightings?

Not to my knowledge :)

What's it like being feet away from warheads at all time?

You tend to get really complacent about it. We would actually have beds next to the torpedos most of the time. I remember fucking off near them often, but never with them.

Former FT2 checking in. Norfolk SSN 714 '99 to "03. I was a nuke drop too. What boat and years were you on there?

Chicago SSN 721 from 2002 - 2006.

Who was the XO in the Chicago when you got there?

Commander Herrington. RIP. He was a great guy.

McHale's Navy or Down Periscope?

Down Periscope. No question in my mind.

What do you do to cope when you feel like you need to get out.

Suck it up? Once I got qualified and was finally getting into the groove of everything, I slept a lot actually. I made sure all my shit was done, but had plenty of time to just go chill out and hang out. I'm a smoker to so I'd hang out in the smoke pit and bullshit with anybody that happened to swing by. The people absolutely make the job worth it.

What were the best pranks on the sub

All of them involved cocks and balls and messing with each other. If you've ever seen the movie "Waiting", I'm convinced it was written by a submariner.

In that case, your submarine chow probably had lots of extra ingredients.

One of the reasons you don't fuck with the messenger too much. Unless you want the rim of your coffee mug dripped in balls.

Did you order the Code Red?? Did you order the Code Red???? I think I am entitled!

I want answers!!!

I want the truth!!

YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH!

You want the truth?

is it difficult to become a submariner? compared to other force e.g navy army etc

I can't speak for the other branches, but you have to learn everything there is to know about that boat the first year you're there. We each have our own jobs to do, but we all are required to get qualified in submarines and show the ability to overcome any ships casualty without even thinking about it. It's crucial to each of our lives that it's like that too. We don't have a damage control division like the surface ships do.

It's obviously not impossible, but it doesn't come easy either.

Hi, I have always wondered why sailors in the control room of a battleship/destroyer wear a white head cover during engagements. Is there a particular reason?

We don't. That's a flash hood worn to prevent burning if something catches on fire. The only time I ever wore one of these was during fire drills.

What was it like on a sub? was it crowded and noisy like you'd think?

Cramped and crowded? Yea, but it wasn't too bad for the most part. You'd be amazed how little of a space you really need to fit into some spots and once in a while, you might freak out, but you'll be fine. The only time you really get any privacy is in your rack or the shitter.

Do submarines dock in cool places, or just take off and go. How long were your tours?

Typical Westpac tour is 6 months out. Fast attacks get to go to pretty cool places. I lived in Hawaii, but the boat took me to Alaska, Seattle, San Diego, Japan, Singapore, and Guam. I've been to all but 8 states now. I have friends that haven't even left IL yet and I'm in my mid 30's.

When we would go to foreign liberty ports, we were usually in for a week or two. Depends on the schedule and what we were doing.

I actually thought about yanking your chain a bit, and saying that I am a dude. But, I wouldn't want to do that to you. Besides, I love a man who begs.:)

Takes more than the thought of a kiss from a dude to fuck with a submariner. Just saying. Still happy you're not though. Lol

Sincerely - thank you for the sacrifices you make to keep the rest of us safe.

Thanks. I appreciate that.

For how long are you typically submerged and how does that affect you or others (maybe someone having a breakdown)? tnx for ama

Longest run I did was 48 days with no sunlight. You just sorta deal with it. You don't really have the option to have a breakdown and if you do, we're just gonna fuck with you because of it.

Great question!

When you're down like that, does it feel like an adventure even though you can't see anything, or does it just feel like you're living in a cave?

Feels like I'm sitting in an office with rounded walls and somebody spilled oil. Can't find the spill, but you can smell it.

What was your weirdest underwater experience during your service?

We used to tie a string to a few deck joints in the fan room. When we went deep, you would see the slack in the string. Just the fact that the entire boat is being squeezed is a little mind blowing.

Are there some common misconceptions about the Navy/general combat that you wish to clear up?

Like what?

We fuck off a lot but know how to have a good time.

We're not a bunch of gay guys fondling each other.

Fucking with a sailor is a bad idea because he's always hanging around his best friends and we don't know what a "fair fight" is...

We're not a bunch of gay guys fondling each other.

You're a bunch of straight guys fondling each other to see who gets uncomfortable first.

Source: Surface ET.

Exactly!

Otoh, sailors, particularly submariners, are the neckbeardiest bunch in the whole military. His best friends are probably all off raiding in wow.

Lmfao. Nope. But the beard is in full force for sure!

What was/is your rate/rank?

I'm a brand new hospital corpsman, I hope to be the IDC on a sub eventually. Six years from now that's where I want to be. Thank you for your service!

Thank you as well!

I left the boat as an ET2 and got out of the reserves as an ET1.

Doc on a boat is kind of a hookup since they don't really have to do much other than manage inventory and keep us inoculated for diseases in whatever country we visit. However, when the shit hits the fan, he's the go to guy for anything and everything medical. Setting broken bones and stitching people up are probably the most common things.

Any advice for advancement, evals, career in general?

Pay attention to the things you're doing and read about the maintenance that you might not actually perform. It seems like the exams always had some crazy little questions of things you never really looked at. When you finish that first exam, go write down some of the stuff you weren't so sure about and look it up in your free time. Doing so is just going to broaden your knowledge of your rate and make you better at what you do.

As for the career advice, just stay out of trouble. Be intelligent about what you're doing and be honest and upfront about anything you do wrong. If you screw something up and you just outright admit you fucked up and that you're not going to make the same mistake, they don't really have a reason to punish you. I watched a few guys make some pretty stupid mistakes while they were drunk and then they lied about it. You're gonna get screwed over sooner or later if you lie about something. Karma is a bitch.

Thank you for the advice, I'll do my best to keep it in mind.

No problem! I appreciate the question as well!

nuke or non nuke et?

Technically both. I went in as a nuke and failed on the last day of power school. Wound up being non nuke on the boat.

Did you have any supersticious beliefs on the submarine?

I didn't. Traditionally, there were a couple guys that had a chicken and pig tattooed on their feet (they always return to land). But I can't think of anything else.

When you came topside where you got cell service did you always worry when checking your voice-mail?

Texting had just become a the popular new thing while I was in and my phone would blow up when we first pulled in. I didn't have much to worry about though as email kept me pretty up-to-date with anything going on back home.

How do you stay active?

I was a lazy fucker. But there was a treadmill and a stair climber on board. We had some free weights as well. I preferred sit-ups and push-ups if anything. They were easy and you could do them anywhere.

Hey, thanks for the AMA. When I was in (86-90) we had a guy 'talk to Ralph' all over the helm of the FFG I was stationed on. What's the worst seasickness you've ever seen on a sub?

Ironically, I get seasick as fuck. Never knew until after I got to the boat and it's a little late to be making career choices at that point. When we were deep, it was exactly how I feel right now sitting at my desk in the living room. Except we took the occasional angle when maneuvering.

On the surface though.....goddamn.....Dramamine was my buddy for sure. It actually works! Since the boat has a round hull, up...down...left...right.... all at the same time. Ugh. When it really got in the shits though, we'd just go deep.

• What was your mission while serving in a submarine?
• What was kind of preparation was there for being in a submarine?
• How do they filter those who may be claustrophobic?

I navigate and was in charge of everything electrical in the front end of the boat.

School....lots and lots of school. A lot more than other people. In general, we were in A school for at least a year before we even got to the boat. Learning your job and general submarine shit.

Nothing really prepares you like showing up to the boat though. By the time I got to mine, I had already toured a couple of them in Connecticut at subschool just because they were there and why the hell not?!

The claustrophobia thing doesn't really exist much. In all, you deal with it or we'll make your life hell. There was still plenty of room to stretch out in certain areas and I never really felt too crowded except when we were piloting out of a channel to the ocean and there were a kabillion people in the control room. You just sorta ignore it though because you're busy as hell at that point.

I introduced my son to the movie Das Boot last night.

Have you seen the movie? Did you have any experiences similar to any scene?

I haven't seen it in probably 10 years now. I don't recall anything like that though. Realistically, it was a lot of fuck off time and cleaning the boat. Can't go to war on a dirty boat! We had a few ship's casualties (fire/flooding/etc) and I've always joked that you haven't lived life until you've been through one. The guys on the boat are all highly trained pro's though and I never really worried about too much.

Without time or the option to shower, what's your next best option?

Baby wipes. It's amazing how good they feel when you have nothing else.

For how long or far could you be out in the waters swimming till the fuel tanks empty and you need to come back to port for a refill?

I'm assuming you didn't mean to say swimming..... The only limit on the boat to return to port is food. The boat doesn't run out of fuel for about 25 years or so. US Navy submarines are nuclear powered. I think we have 1 diesel boat left.

I can tell you that my longest underway was 48 days with no sunlight and we had plenty of food. As a general rule, we usually bring 6 months worth of food onboard when we leave and we can make that stretch if we have to.

What is Naval Training in general like? I was considering joining the Navy but I didn't get too much info out of some recruiters.

I started off in the nuclear program. I wound up failing out on the last day of power school so I was there for about a year. Definitely the hardest schooling I've ever done in my life.

Afterwards, I wound up going to Connecticut to learn basic submarine stuff and another "A" school to learn about electronics (of which I already learned in nuke school). So it was a cake walk.

I'm an electrician so it was just a bunch of math for the most part.

What power school class were you in?

I can't remember the number. But I wanna say it was 0102 or something like that. Power school started in January 2001 for me.

Not sure if you're still answering but had a question. Since you've done both active and reserve duty, do you feel that reserve folks are taken advantage of in a sense? I'm not sure of the ratio of the two sent into battle/theatre. Seems to me the reserve/national guard soldiers are sent in kinda like the South Park, "get behind the darkies" senario. Any thoughts?

Sorry I had to. I don't think the reservists are taken advantage of. I never got called up and the guys that went overseas wanted to go pretty badly so they volunteered. The fact that they sit around and do jack shit the whole time completely warrants some of the stuff they have to do deal with. If it weren't for my kids, I would have much rather done 6 more years on active than in the reserves.

Much respect man! I almost went back in after 9-11. Had just got out in 98 and was in college. I'm still kinda pissed at myself for not going back. Eats at me.

Don't let it. I look at it like this. The guys that are doing it now are doing it so that I don't have to. They're also doing it so that we can do whatever we're doing right now.

I don't always support the political side of the military or their cause, but I'll always support the people that are serving.

Haven't you heard of the emancipation proclamation?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nrh5YOQHvFw

Reference for anybody who didn't get that.

How do you adress person ranked above you in the US army?

I don't. Actually, I never did.

In your experience, could a submarine be retrofitted as a cruise ship, or is it fundamentally a functional vessel?

It would be expensive as hell and it takes some talent to operate a nuclear reactor. I do think it would be really cool if the public for a chance to check it out for a few days. The other issue is that it's an inherently dangerous environment and everybody would be taking a risk on every underway.

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Groton was an amusing place. It killed me that the city shuts down as soon as Walmart closes though.

I just checked your pictures and there was one of you with scruff. You guys don't have to shave while out at sea?

Not on deployment. One of those huge perks to being on a sub. Had to shave as soon as we got close to land though.

What was it like going underwater for prolonged periods of time? Did you have communication with your family or connection to the internet while down there?

No internet or communication with the outside world. Email is delayed and only transmitted when time allows which is rare.

My family knew that no news is good news and they would hear from me when we get wherever we are going.

HM here. Not quite sure what a submarine even looks like.

I just have a few questions;

1. What do smokers do on a submarine? With my very short shipboard experience half the sailors were out on the smoke deck multiple times a day.

2. How fast does the ship store sell out of things, and on a related note, can a submarine restock while underway?

3. Do you get liberty ports on a sub?

Smokers smoked. At least when I was in. New laws are now preventing that. I can't imagine it because it's the one stress reliever we were allowed.

There is no such thing as a ship store on a submarine. Bring what you need and if you run out, you're done.

We definitely went to a few liberty ports. Singapore, Japan, Guam, San Diego, and Seattle to name the ones I went to. Australia, Thailand, and Hong Kong are the ones I never got to see.

when joining the navy can you say that you want to be on a submarine or does the choice just come to you later on in your career?

Thanks

You can volunteer for it anytime I believe. It's easiest to get into it when you first enlist though.

I signed up for subs on day one. I knew what I wanted.

Here's kind of an odd question, I've always wondered this. Are there any windows on the sub? I always wondered how navigation was done, if it was done solely by nav. charts and sonar type things... basically you're driving "blind". In all the sub movies, it just amazes me how they know where they hell they are to navigate underwater without running into anything like undersea mountains and such.

We have a thing called ring laser gyro navigation. You enter a GPS fix into it and it senses movement based on acceleration in a 3d environment and calculates where you're at. It's actually pretty accurate. We plotted position about every 30 minutes based on where we were (closer to land we did it more often) and would make an educated guess where we would be in the next hour based on speed and direction traveled. As long as we were inside the circle of uncertainty, we were good and everything was working.

We have a thing called ring laser gyro navigation. You enter a GPS fix into it and it senses movement based on acceleration in a 3d environment and calculates where you're at. It's actually pretty accurate. We plotted position about every 30 minutes based on where we were (closer to land we did it more often) and would make an educated guess where we would be in the next hour based on speed and direction traveled. As long as we were inside the circle of uncertainty, we were good and everything was working.

And no. No windows. Just the periscope and those are down unless we are shallow.

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That's something new. Not allowed to smoke on boats anymore. I can't imagine how the hell they prevent it. It would drive me bat shit.

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It was in designated areas that had the vents for the fans right next to them. All the air is filtered. If you weren't standing in the smoke pit, you'd never know we were smoking.

What's the grossest thing on a submarine? An article on cracked mentioned jizz covered walls of the shower that are impossible not to bump up against when the sub is pitching and rolling on the surface. Is this true?

Also did you ever sleep in the torpedo tubes? Willingly or unwillingly.

Here is the article in question.

Hahaha. Never slept in the tubes. Nor did I know anybody who did. That's incredibly dangerous. I did sleep in the torpedo room once in a while though. One of the shittier racks onboard. There were stories if torpedomen lining something inside the torpedo tube or writing their name in chalk on the inside walls and the senior guys shutting the tube behind them just to freak them out. But that was just momentary.

As for the shower, it's customary to squeegee the entire thing when you're done. But you sorta just knew that dudes jerked off in there. The place is kept pretty clean for the most part.

Cool. And what do you mean shittier racks? I imagine rooms built on the sub dedicated to sleeping, bunk rooms as it were but that doesn't sound like it from your comment. Do they just squeeze beds in everywhere you can and you get assigned to one? And of course it's a military vessel. Half your time is cleaning.

We still had designated racks in actual berthing areas, but if we had a few too many people on board we would put a few racks in the torpedo room as an overflow. Assuming we didn't have a full load out. Those racks generally suck. The chow line went through the torpedo room so you had people standing in line for chow when you're trying to sleep and a torpedoman on watch in your space. If the had to move weapons, your ass is getting up so they can do it.

I've got a good buddy coming out of ROTC and going into sub school or one of the other 6-12 month schools (nuke school?). Have any advice for him for the next few years?

If he's going to nuke school, studying comes before anythjng else. You'll have time to go out and have fun when you're done. If you're struggling to understand anything, get help. And get as much as you can it else you'll fall behind and get run over by the academic train that is coming.

I gotta know: even with filtered air, was there ever a "beans day" on the sub? Also, did farts echo?

Yes. And often. They don't echo though. Definitely some smelly ass going on, but you can expect that when you have a room full of dudes.

haha! Now I have a "Blazin Saddles" submarine scene in my head!

The first time I ever saw that movie was onboard!

Watched it with my LPO, he was black as night and proud of it. I just remember him going "what kind of racist shit is this?!" We were all cracking up.

I'm a Navy reservist and I'm at my NOSC right now (I'm an E-5). On a scale of 1-10, how lame do you think the Reserves are??

If 10 means they are pretty lame, it's gonna be about 151.

Nuclear or nucular?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoASZyihalc

George Bush fucked that up all the time. It's nuclear. Nuke-lee-er....not nuke-ya-ler

Did you see any kayaks through your telescope?

Saw some dynamite fishermen off the coast of country X, that was amusing. No kayaks though.

Worst training you had to go through?

My last couple months in nuke school were hellish. I was doing 80 hours a week of just school. That sucked pretty hard. All the firefighting and flooding or security training was pretty fun.

How often to you guys make riffs on "going down" after a few months at sea?

making riffs? I'm not sure I completely understand the question.

But I can tell you that submariners go down deeper and stay down longer....

Has there ever been a bed bug problem on a sub? Any insects at all for that matter?

Edit: Just looked at the pics. What the hell is an M16 doing on a sub?

Not on mine. They take pretty good precautions for that stuff. Our matresses are antimicrobial and sterile for the most part. Bugs really don't hang out on the boat too much though. I always wondered why. One would think something would sneak on there with all the food, but I never really saw it. The fans do a good job circulating the air so even flies don't last too long if there actually is one on the boat.

I think the biggest health problem I saw involved the risk of staph infection as we all got these weird "zits" once in a while. Watched doc cut one out of the back of a guys neck, another out of a buddy's knee, and one out of my best friends elbow. Pretty nasty shit. I'm sure you've seen staph infections on Youtube at one point or another. Usually the epic zit shit.

Thanks for the reply. Now, about that M16...

One of my last days on the boat and I caught torpedoman cleaning it. I asked him to take a picture of me with it since I'm standing next to a torpedo. I love to shoot and I'm damn good at it too! :)

But, I want to know WHY there's a ground combat weapon on a SUBMARINE.

It's gonna be tied to the pier sooner or later. On the surface, our only defense is small arms. M16, 9mm, shotguns, grenade launchers, and a few M240's.

Thank you kind sir. Marine here. Rock on. Oh, and OOH RAH!

Damn Jarheads... :)

Meant with the utmost respect of course.