The trajectory of my life changed the day I lost my job in May 2019.

I was a poor grad student just trying to pay rent, and when I lost my job I quickly ran through my savings. Within two months I had eviction notices being pinned to my door, threatening calls and letters about late bill payments, and my electricity was 24hrs away from being shut off. I wasn’t able to find full-time work and I got desperate enough that I was answering surveys online for ten cents each, doing people’s homework on “tutoring” websites, and selling off anything I could carry out of my apartment when I randomly discovered r/slavelabour. I posted an offer to review Redditors’ dating profiles for $5 an hour. Within a few minutes my inbox had exploded with responses. 24hrs later, I had made enough to pay my light bill. A week after that, my rent. 2.5 years later, It’s still the highest upvoted seller post in slavelabours history.

Now, Dating Advice by Chloe is a thriving business and I’ve never felt happier or more fulfilled. I earned my masters degree in clinical social work, but I decided I preferred Advice by Chloe over practicing traditional therapy. The advice I provide is based on human behaviour, marketing, knowledge of dating app algorithms, and data collected from academic research. Where there are gaps in what’s currently published in the field of dating psychology, I’ve started running some experiments of my own.

This has been the craziest and most amazing experience of my life. Within a few months I went from being on the brink of homelessness to running a successful business, and today my life is completely unrecognizable from what it was before.

I did an IAmA about 7 months ago, but I wasn’t able to answer all the questions due to time constraints. It’s a new year, Valentine's day is in a month, and we’re all (yet again) trapped inside because of Covid- so it feels like the perfect time to talk about online dating… or we can just chill while I grind in OSRS. Ask me Anything ;)

What’s changed in the past 7 months?

  • NPR is doing a documentary on Advice by Chloe, including interviews with myself, several clients, and following a client over the course of months as he gets back into the dating world for the first time in years (coming soon)
  • I was invited by a major radio station to co-host in a podcast about dating
  • I was listed among one of the most inspiring women of the year in The NYC Journal
  • I was rated as one of the top 5 dating consultants to look out for in 2022
  • I did a few interviews and radio shows
  • I created a Discord server as a way to connect with my clients. We have game nights, book clubs, and a place for people to talk about their frustrations and success with online dating.
  • My website did some growing and I added new services based on demand
  • I bought a car. Her name is Coco Cruze and I love her.
  • I got a house. We’re just getting to know each other, I don’t know their name yet.
  • Starting next Sunday, I’m starting a series on my brand-spanking-new Twitch channel called Chaos by Chloe - where I’ll answer dating advice questions while playing video games every Sunday at 8pm ET.
  • I’m now base level 86 in OSRS
  • It is very cold

Verification photo

My website:

Comments: 679 • Responses: 83  • Date: 

NordicDork993 karma

How does it feel going from $5 an hour freelance work to being featured in the NYC Journal?

thotgirlisalady725 karma

good man, it feels pretty good lol. It's been a long, crazy ride. It's hard to wrap my mind around when I really think about it. Mostly, I'm just suuuuper fucking greatful.

CardboardSoyuz239 karma

I remember seeing that when it was first up. I'm long since married but as soon as I saw it I knew you'd hit on something. This internet stranger is really proud of you.

thotgirlisalady128 karma

thank you. You just made my day <3

neuromorph7 karma

What is your current rate?

thotgirlisalady26 karma

My current rate for online dating appointments is $69 per hour. Pun intended. I have other appointments that go up to $120, depending on what we're focusing on for the hour :)

Zeen13276 karma

What are some of the most common mistakes men make? What about women?

thotgirlisalady781 karma

Bad photos, 900000%. Most people just use the photos they happen to have on their phone when they're starting a dating profile. The problem is those photos were usually taken to commemorate an occasion rather than provide an accurate and flattering idea of what you look like.

The most common reason people swipe left is uncertainty. The second most common is lack of attraction. This means that even if they find you attractive, they will swipe left if they experience any level of uncertainty about what you're going to be like on a date. If you're taking a photo next to a mountain, you're going to look 3 inches shorter than you are, if you're in the middle of a hike you'll have pit stains, if all of your photos are staring blankly into the camera you're going to look like a serial killer, etc... using a bit of strategy with regards to your photos goes a long way.

improbablydrunknlw207 karma

I can't figure out how to ask this without sounding weird. Is there a reason you hide your face? I was reading the linked articles and noticed your face was hidden in everything, just curious if that's to keep you anonymous to give better advice, or just general privacy.

thotgirlisalady642 karma

It's for a few reasons. The primary reason is that I'm also a practicing therapist who works with at-risk children and my PhD studies in clinical psychology are focused on at-risk children. It's important to me that Advice by Chloe and my clinical career are kept separate. If a prospective employer or the parent of a child I'm working with decides to Google me and finds blogs like, "Lick it now, lick it good, give her foreplay just like you should" or "How to get me in bed by talking about Harry Potter" it would be a problem... lol. Because I've decided to use my education in two very different fields of psychology, having that boundary is important.

Zeroharas112 karma

How do you keep yourself from getting burnt out? It sounds like both of your jobs are kind of caretaker oriented. I'm a manager at a group home, and I feel like I get burnt out from the level of need placed on me, from clients and staff.

thotgirlisalady248 karma

Lots of self-care. I've learned to put strict limits on my work/life balance, which has helped a lot. As difficult as it can be, I also let go of any concerns of frustrations from the work day as soon as I go into my personal space, and vice versa. It makes for a healthier and happier me.

Oh, and having a dedicated workspace was super helpful. I used to just work from my room. I'm now in a house with a dedicated office, which helps with the transition from work to home and back.

Something my mentor taught me in my first social work internship is to give yourself dedicated stress-out time. Set a timer for 15 minutes. During that time you can worry about your clients, stress out about the day, cry over things that are painful, etc... and then as soon as the timer goes off, you have to brush away the tears and go back to living your life. It allows you to feel what you need to feel without allowing it to ruin your day. It was a pretty invaluable tool for me in the early days. I still use it on the particularly hard ones :)

Master_Jason15 karma

I'm working with decides to Google me and finds blogs like, "Lick it now, lick it good, give her foreplay just like you should" or "How to get me in bed by talking about Harry Potter"


thotgirlisalady7 karma


wyatte7457 karma

bruh its not difficult to find out what she looks like. quick google search...

thotgirlisalady88 karma

dude. my heart stopped for a second. Nice one.

Deadlyflyingrat182 karma

As someone looking to start my own small business. Any tips or advice you wish you had starting up? Or general advise you would give others?

thotgirlisalady434 karma

If your business is online, I found that displaying value before raising my prices was super helpful. Initially, my prices were dirt cheap, so people didn't feel like they were taking a risk by hiring me. Their success with my services provided me with credibility and testimonials I could use to display value when I raised my prices. Obviously this only applies if you're providing a service that is based online. As far a general tips, as corny as it sounds, I wish someone had told me that it's ok to protect my vision and my brand from well meaning people who wanted to help.

KarmicPotato142 karma

I wish someone had told me that it's ok to protect my vision and my brand from well meaning people who wanted to help.

This is intriguing. Could you elaborate on this please?

thotgirlisalady350 karma

When I started I had no idea what I was doing, and because Advice by Chloe went viral really quickly, there was a plethora of people who felt super comfortable telling me what I should be doing differently. In the beginning, I did what they told me to because I trusted them more than I trusted myself... and then Advice by Chloe started to become something I didn't want it to be. I grew a back bone and some self confidence and decided to trust myself. I still appreciate advice, but I'm also confident enough to trust my gut. Learning to tell people no was a big step for me. I feel like Advice by Chloe and I grew up together. I'm a much stronger and happier person today than I was three years ago, and I honestly think that I owe a lot of that to Advice by Chloe.

throwaway92715120 karma

Hey, it's called Advice by Chloe, not Advice for Chloe

thotgirlisalady42 karma

hahaha, it's a bit of both man.

Ikkakuocity168 karma

Hey there! What advice would you give to someone who recently got out of a 10 year relationship?

thotgirlisalady483 karma

Make sure you're doing a lot of self-care. Breakups are brutal. In a 10 year relationship, they weren't just your partner, they were probably an integral part of your life and identity. I'd give yourself some time, be kind to your heart and your body, and focus on learning who you are alone. <3

BunnyDubu_115 karma

Have you found someone during the boom of your business, if not how is the quality of life physically, mentally, and emotionally for you?

thotgirlisalady278 karma

I try not to talk about the ins and outs of my dating life because that can get weird with clients. I will say that I'm actually in a really amazing place in my life. The past few years have been really hard, Covid has been really hard. I've lost people I loved very much, I've made some pretty big mistakes, earned some pretty big accomplishments, and am trying to live in this world as thoughtfully as I can. The past 6 months have been an exciting, but terrifying ride. I bought a car, I got a house, big stuff started to happen with Advice by Chloe. I'm a kinda tired, a lil terrified, and very excited to see what happens next :)

BunnyDubu_56 karma

Sorry if it seemed too personal just wanted to ask about you since probably people would be asking about your business and such. You are doing great things and I am rooting for you.

thotgirlisalady49 karma

not at all, it's a totally fair question :)

bobers65429 karma

Your story is really inspiring. I rarely comment about things like this but your story caught my attention. Im glad it worked out for you!

thotgirlisalady7 karma

thank you so much!

JNurple20 karma

"The 'ins and outs' of your dating life" eh? Nice

thotgirlisalady25 karma

haha oh fuck. I didn't even do that on purpose.

adminhotep102 karma

Your site looks very personal and uses terms like "me" (I don’t sell your information. Your stuff is safe with me!) indicating you do this all yourself, but do you?

With such a successful business, and only having so many hours in the day that you yourself can actually fill appointments, do you have any employees who provide some portion of the same service, like a ghost writer? A ghost Chloe?

thotgirlisalady222 karma

haha there is no ghost Chloe. I've had a lot of offers, and sometimes it's tempting, but I'm super protective of my clients and the quality of my services. I have an assistant who helps with paperwork, marketing, editing, and brainstorming (he also mans the live support chat on my website). My sister is a lot more creative than me and designs the visuals for most of my ads. Other than that, it's just me.

International-Ice72290 karma

How do you choose a life partner? Should you make an informed and calculated decision or just go with the flow with whom you hit it off really well?

thotgirlisalady130 karma

I think that's a very different answer from person to person. My process is something slap dab in the middle. My job is to help people accomplish their goal, not to define their goal. I think most people prefer option number two or the middle ground :)

TehMekinik56 karma

Is this the annual self promotion post?

thotgirlisalady229 karma

I mean, of course it's promotion. What AMA isn't? I'm also a devoted Redditor who uses this platform for connecting with people in a million different ways that aren't Advice by Chloe. Covid is going insane in NY. I haven't left my house in a month, it's really friggin cold, and this is fun. Porque no los dos?

zoglog12 karma

I actually want to see response to this since the response will tell you alot about a person when faced with critical questions.

thotgirlisalady27 karma

your wish is my command... with some pretty heavy exceptions

Articunozard53 karma

Hi! Thanks for taking the time to do this, one of the more interesting and niche AMA topics I’ve seen. Hope you don’t mind I have a couple of questions.

  1. Do you ever get clients with profiles that are already as good as they can get, and the client themself is the issue (whether looks or personality)?

  2. Are most of your clients looking for the same thing from dating apps (I.e. a relationship) or does it vary?

  3. Regarding your mock-date service, I imagine you have to set some hard boundaries so nobody gets the wrong idea. Have you ever had anyone get…. creepy, for lack of better word?

  4. I imagine most of the people who come to you for help are men, but do you also feel like you can provide similar positive results for women? Do you actually get women clients?

This is a topic that is super interesting to me and these are just the questions off the top of my head, so thanks again for doing this!

thotgirlisalady101 karma


  1. Occasionally, but very rarely. If the problem is their personality, I'm super straightforward about the fact that they're coming off like a douche. Most of the time it's a defense mechanism rather than their actual personality and addressing it head-on is helpful. If they're significantly below what is considered conventionally attractive to the point that online dating is going to be a constant struggle, I'm honest with them as kindly and straightforwardly as possible- and then we start talking about alternative solutions. Online dating focuses almost exclusively on physical appearance, but there are lots of other options for finding love/connection/sex.
  2. It varies. Lots of relationship seeking, lots of casual seeking, lots of hookup seeking, the occasional poly, enm, or kink-focused.
  3. Yes, it's happened, but rarely. When you sign up for the Mock Date or Let's Talk about Sex appointment they are required to click to agree to no creepiness with the understanding that I will end the call if they pull out their genitals and they will not get a refund. However, most of my clients show up ready to work. They take notes and they take it seriously.
  4. I get female clients, but rarely- probably less than 5% of my clients. The solution to the issues women have on dating apps are quite different and lot harder to address in a consistent way. Also, if we're being super honest, most women don't suffer from a lack of matches.

Mcbadguy68 karma

Also, if we're being super honest, most women don't suffer from a lack of matches.

I just use a lighter

thotgirlisalady20 karma



How did you learn to market your business and what made it stick?

thotgirlisalady106 karma

First of all, A+ on the name. I learned to market my business on the fly lol. It all happened really fast. A lot of trial and error. Google Analytics has been amazing. The ability to keep track of where people typically access my site is super helpful. I learned that even though my blogs don't get a lot of comments, they're incredibly effective at getting appointments. If someone Googles a question about dating and my blog pops up, it's passive marketing.

As far as making it stick, I think the fact that my prices were initially dirt cheap was helpful. People didn't feel like they were taking a big risk by hiring me, and their success from my services provided me with credibility and testimonials, which made future clients more comfortable taking the risk of paying a higher fee.

Chiri-Theoden13 karma

As far as your blogs showing up highly on Google, are you actively practicing any SEO/do you contract someone to help you with that? Or are you just answering such specific and unique questions that you’re ranking highly naturally? Ranking highly on Google search results is definitely one of the best “passive” marketing tactics out there, for sure, and if you’ve been able to crack the code for that without any real, concerted effort, that’s both an impressive feat for you and something that gives me hope in the changes Google is making to its search algorithms.

thotgirlisalady30 karma

I hired a professional for an hour to give me a basic lesson. I took that information and used it to grow my knowledge and start practicing. I'm by no means an expert haha. I'm still learning as I go, but I'm getting there.

Master_Jason44 karma

Wow! I remember linking my friend to that post on r/slavelabour ! That's awesome - congrats!

My question: Pictures aside, what's one of the most common mistakes people make on their profiles?

thotgirlisalady104 karma

This is going to sound broad, but it's definitely the most common issue. People tend to have a fundamental misunderstanding of how to effectively use dating apps. They have the impression that should find a way to most accurately describe who they are and what they want. While that's important, it's crucial that you do it in a way that is successfully marketing you to your intended audience. Dating apps are too competitive to be a space for genuine connection and earnest expression (at least consistently). Treat it like a marketing campaign, that's all it is.

Master_Jason19 karma

Thanks for taking the time to respond! I may need your services one of these days haha

thotgirlisalady23 karma

I've gotchu ;)

Parictis41 karma

Way to take the leap and flourish! Just doing the damn thing is so often the hardest part. Now that things are blowing up, will you be recruiting other licensed clinical social workers (or unlicensed) to provide individualized services or moving toward big data analytics or both? The benefits of big data are obvious at this point but it seems like your growth wouldn’t have occurred without the connection clients have to you.

thotgirlisalady39 karma

That is a question I wrestle with on the daily. I'll let you know as soon as I know haha.

TheSyffy36 karma

Do you use any apps to help manage your time? I'd bet keeping everything on your calendar straight probably takes some excellent organization!

thotgirlisalady133 karma

omg organization has been a constant struggle. Ok, so here's what I use and why I like it (I'm about to geek out, sorry if this gets long lol)

  1. Acuity scheduling: to be fair, I haven't used any other scheduling app. I got this one, and fell in love. I think it's owned by Squarespace. It integrates into my website and allows clients to schedule themselves, allows me to use coupon codes, send automatic confirmation emails, reminder emails, etc... it was a lifesaver.
  2. Squarespace: I knew nothing about coding or creating a website. I used a coupon code from a Jenna Marbles podcast to create a Squarespace account haha. It walked me through everything step by step. I'm thinking about eventually switching to something that offers more customization because I'm starting to hit barriers- but for a beginner, Squarespace is so friggin user-friendly.
  3. Discord: I'm a gamer, so Discord will always be my bae. However, it was also a great way to connect with my clients in a more casual way, and there are a lot of community features that make my life a lot easier.
  4. Loomly: I'm gonna be real honest, I suck a social media. I hate social media. It's just not my thing. Loomly allows me to preplan my posts to all social media, it generates hashtags, and advises on the best times to post on each day of the week.
  5. I know it's not an app, but I wouldn't be able to survive without my Power place daily planner. I put everything in it. It keeps me sane.
  6. Zoom and Whatsapp allow me to do voice calls with international clients
  7. Stripe is the best payment processor from everything else I've used. I also take Venmo business and Paypal Business, but Stripe is just so much more user friendly.

There's probably a lot more, but I've been typing for a long time lol.

everythingisblue12 karma

I used Acuity like 5 years ago when I was running a small business and I LOVED it. Their customer service was excellent and the software was great.

thotgirlisalady10 karma

It's so good I was never tempted to switch to a slightly cheaper option.

Chomp3y32 karma

Whats gonna be your first 99 skill on OSRS? Favorite quest so far? Have you beaten Monkey Madness yet? Annnnnd are you excited for Leagues 3 on wednesday??

thotgirlisalady39 karma

I think it's going to be hitpoints, which is pretty rare and I'm super excited about it. I'm crazy person who levels everything evenly, so hitpoints is always my highest skill haha. I've had my quest cape for a year. Monkey Madness was annoying, but I thought that Dragon Slayer 2 was a lot harder. I died to that fucking dragon like 5 times lol. I've never really done leagues, it feels bad to spent time on a temporary account. It's also the reason I haven't start group ironman. I love the idea of it, I just only have so much time and I want to level my main. HBU? I'm always down to talk OSRS haha

homie_down2 karma

Just have to say I found it funny you listing all these cool and serious things and then saying base 86s in osrs lol

thotgirlisalady5 karma

base 86s is serious. I worked hard for that shit haha.

UncleGizmo30 karma

First, congratulations on your success! My question is related to the business side of starting out. When you started Advice by Chloe, how much of your time did you spend building your business model vs. promoting your business? It seems like you’re doing a bunch more than just giving advice off the cuff, but to grow a business you’ve also got to promote.

What was a typical day like in the beginning? How much time a day did you spend on providing your advice service, vs. promoting, vs. doing other research, administration, etc. to keep your business model up to date?

thotgirlisalady49 karma


When I started Advice by Chloe I spent zero time on promoting my business. I was extremely lucky in that I went accidentally viral and within a month I was solidly booked-out for 6 months. In that time I focused on increasing the quality of my appointments, collecting data to better inform the advice I provide, studying the algorithms, getting an LLC, learning how to do taxes, etc... The first year was a blur. I was chronically exhausted, but I learned so, so much. It felt like the first year of having a baby haha. (I say this as someone who does not have children... but plenty of nieces).

In the beginning I was working at least 12 hours a day. I spent about 8-10 with clients, and the rest on research, working on my website, figuring out pricing, etc... The second year was when I started learning how to market. I found Google Analytics to be super helpful. I started studying SEO, I learned to write blogs with titles that people Google, etc...

SovietHound9928 karma

Have you had any clients ask you out? Putting the skills they just learned to immediate use? Was it awkward?

thotgirlisalady103 karma

lol yes a few times, and yes it was awkward. I usually pretend to believe that they're just practicing on me, and then I critique their moves. It's a pretty effective way of shutting them down without embarrassing them.

danger_one23 karma

I hope you have that fireplace and chimney inspected before using it. It looks like there might be some high temp mortar missing between the fire bricks, but it's hard to say for sure from that picture.

Since all comments have to be a question, have you used the fireplace yet?

thotgirlisalady23 karma

haha thanks. I have not used the fireplace. I was in fact told not to use the fireplace until it could be inspected, but thank you so much for the consideration. Until then, it looks pretty and my gas heater is bomb.

MacDegger22 karma

To be blunt ... considering the hypothetical 7/10 looking male with decent pictures ... what is your success rate in adjusting their profile?

Do you track that kind of thing (maybe even process it in SPS or use R) using factors like perceived positive change in picture/profile text quality vs success rate?

And is it their profile text, the pictures or a combination which make the difference?

thotgirlisalady59 karma

It's difficult to answer this question with in any real straightforward way, because if he's 7/10 and actually has decent photos (rather than he perceives himself to have decent photos) and isn't getting matches, something else is going on- so we would be troubleshooting his profile. Going over his filters (kids, education, smoking, drugs, etc...), making sure he didn't do something to get shadow banned, decrease his visibility, or clicked the wrong button. It could also be his location, etc... so, so many factors.

In terms of how many of my clients perceive that the results they received were worth the money they paid? 93.9% said yes, about 4% said somewhat, 1% said no, and 1% said that they're unsure. This is based off of an anonymous survey that gets sent out to clients 1 month and then 6 months after our appointment. In the 3 years I've been doing this, only one client has told me that they found my services unhelpful to them. Of course, the only people who will take the time to fill out a survey are those who feel strongly one way or another... but I'm also an online based business with literally no bad reviews. I'm not trying to paint the picture that I'm a miracle worker here.. just that I'm straightforward and action oriented. If I don't feel I can help a client, I tell them so and give them back their money. If I think their results will be limited in a way that I can't change, I'm straightforward and let them make the decision for themselves whether or not they want to continue. I try really hard not to be a cock.

Sevourn6 karma

I wonder if part of the problem is that seven out of 10 males think they are a seven out of 10 male.

thotgirlisalady3 karma

you just made me choke on my coffee lol.

Donkeyhead14 karma

Why do you get threatening calls after only two months of not being able to pay bills?

thotgirlisalady37 karma


ATLguy9014 karma

How did you get into OSRS?

thotgirlisalady36 karma

A friend of an ex told me about it 4 years ago. I fell in love. I'm working on getting base 88s and I bought a dragon hunter lance a few days ago haha. It pokes those dragons real good.

juniorspank6 karma

This whole comment brings me back.

DunK1nG11 karma

Advice by Chloe: Poke those dragons with lances!

thotgirlisalady6 karma

hell ye

poiuytygo3 karma

You should stream some osrs on twitch.

thotgirlisalady5 karma

that is a really good idea. I think I'm going to do that during the AMA right now haha

MrLoadin12 karma

Since you have a background in therapy and social work, what is your opinion on the potential mental health negatives of your clients creating a paid parasocial relationship with a dating coach/therapist-ish person like yourself?

I feel this is quite a risk with what you are doing given how Discord and Twitch work as platforms.

thotgirlisalady21 karma

If I was their therapist, it would be a very very very bad idea. However, Advice by Chloe isn't therapy. It isn't close to therapy. I have good boundaries, and I'm good at enforcing attempts at crossing them. I rarely have an issue with gaming with clients in a group setting. Obviously, I don't date my clients- but group activities are a lot of fun and in my opinion don't decrease the quality of our professional relationship. However, I also don't out my clients. Unless they bring it up in a group environment, I never mention who I've worked with and who I haven't.

labelkills133110 karma

Ok but what I've always wanted to know, is Chloe pronounced like Klow or Kloweee?

thotgirlisalady15 karma

I'm a Kloweeeeeeee haha

diablo190310 karma

No offense, but what sort of advice could possibly be worth 70$ an hour?

I assume it's just going to be pretty standard stuff like, some minor description changes and to get better photos - which I think everyone is aware of.

So I guess I'm asking what makes you unique from any sort of free advice people offer online?

thotgirlisalady15 karma

I’m not offended. I understand the doubt.

First, it’s $69 an hour, which is both cheaper and more clever.

Second, dating apps are essentially a marketing campaign. Making changes to how you represent yourself will frequently have significant results. I regularly receive emails by excited clients saying that they’ve had more matches in the past few weeks since our session than they’ve had in years. It isn’t because I’m a miracle worker, it’s because I’ve taught them how to market themselves effectively.

Online dating is extremely competitive for straight men, and your results are strongly affected by the quality of your photos, how you present yourself in the bio, and the ability to initiate an engaging conversation with a profile that is basically empty. There’s a lot more that goes into it than “be confident” or “smile in your photos”.

At the end of the day, I charge a livable wage and people pay it, and then leave positive reviews expressing excitement about their match rates. I totally understand that it isn’t for everyone, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t valuable.

DoneStupid8 karma

Are there any noticeable differences in the approach to dating apps for people in different age brackets?

Like, what works for someone in their early 20's, but absolutely wouldn't for someone in their 40's? Do the pictures a 35yr old would/should use differ greatly in terms of content to that of an 18yr old?

Second question, how do you stay up to date with general dating trends, app features, and other aspects of the dating world? It doesnt seem like there is a wiki page for 'answers to dating' so you must have to do a lot of your own research?

thotgirlisalady12 karma

The short answer is yes. The long answer is very long haha. The apps you use, the photos you take, how you approach the bio changes based on your age, your target demographic, and the type of relationship you're looking for. Ultimately, it's just human behaviour. What will your target audience find most attractive? Then we do that.

As far a algorithms, I have a few contacts for information. I can't say a lot more than that because they will be less keen to help me if I get them fired.

thotgirlisalady9 karma

It's 2am and I should be in bed, but you just made me laugh out loud.

Ashed_Potatoes8 karma

Hi, I was there for your first AMA, congratulations on your success!

My question is, what happens if your client actually does have a good profile they are just conventionally unattractive? Since it seems like its just you and your assistant, do you get overwhelmed with all the work coming in? Ever run out of advice?

thotgirlisalady25 karma

If they're beneath the bar in terms of conventional attraction to the point that online dating will be a constant struggle for them, I'm kind but straightforward about that.

To do anything else is just really freaking cruel. I hate that there so many in my field who prey on the vulnerable. It's a really awful level of fucked up to convince someone to hire you, make a bunch of false promises you know will never come to pass, and then make them feel like their poor results were due to not trying hard enough or needing more appointments.

However, just because online dating won't work for them doesn't mean that other methods won't. In those cases I focus on platforms and ideas that allow their personality to shine rather than relying almost exclusively on physical appearance. Either way, it's a difficult but important conversation we have and then we go from there.

MrsBonsai1717 karma

Congratulations! I love hearing stories like yours. How did you learn the business side? I'd love to start a business but I don't know anything about starting one.

thotgirlisalady22 karma

Quickly and in the middle of the night lol. I found Reddit r/smallbusiness to be super helpful with my millions of questions. I also quickly learned the value to hiring consultants to help me. I couldn't afford to hire their services, but I could afford an hour of their time to ask them lots of questions. That got me through the early days :)

allonzy9 karma

I am starting a small therapy business (just became official yesterday!) and this AMA is really helpful and inspiring.

thotgirlisalady8 karma

I'm so glad :). If you're opening a private practice, make sure you get good insurance. I've heard horror stories from friends I graduated with.

viperex7 karma

How can I get a reminder when the NPR documentary comes out? What show will it be on?

thotgirlisalady11 karma

Right now we are expecting it to be out in May. They are following one of my clients for a few months, so it's taking a while to do. I'll definitely be screaming out it on all of my socials when it comes out haha. You could join my mailing list, Instagram, subreddit, etc... I assure you that I'll be posting it literally everywhere in my excitement haha.

*edited due to slippery fingers

letsbefrds7 karma

Do you think having a bad profile on these apps long term destroys self confidence?

Let's use tinder for example, every guy I know goes with this approach swipe right for all, filter once matched. I'm not sure about females but they're probably more picky.

That being said, it must do a number on someone when you're in NYC and swiped over 400 ppl and don't have a single match.

thotgirlisalady40 karma

oh yeah. Studies are showing that online dating is pretty terrible for our mental health- especially among men. It's associated with increased feelings of depression, anxiety, and hopelessness. This is part of why I try so hard in my appointments to make it very clear that your success (or lack thereof) on dating apps isn't a statement about your value. It's a statement about your ability to effectively market yourself to your intended audience.

Dating apps try very hard to make people believe that online dating is an easy way to have long beautiful conversations with a stunning beautiful human who would love nothing more than to suck your dick and caress your soul... but it's bullshit. Online dating is far too competitive for that to be a realistic expectation. It's just a tool. It's not something you should ever place in charge of your sense of self worth.

If no matter how hard you tried, you burnt every single slice of toast you put in the toaster, you'd probably assume that either a) you're not doing this correctly or b) there's something wrong with the toaster. It's unlikely you'd assume that you're an idiot or incapable at making toast... because a toaster is just a tool.

Online dating can work for most people if they learn how to properly use it as a tool. However, whether you find success on the apps or you don't, it means literally nothing about your ability to be a good life partner.

Does that make sense or did I just talk far too long about toast? I'm kinda hungry lol.

GenarationHD6 karma

I'm 23, currently also jobless and somehow hopeless about my future since all company's I've worked with have been absolutely horrible so far. So now I'm thinking about starting my own marketing agency since I liked what I was doing and was pretty good at it but my employers were just horrible. Do you have any advice?

thotgirlisalady22 karma

My advice would be, if you can afford it, to start off with low enough prices that people won't be taking a huge financial risk to hire you. They should be able to do it without a lot of thought. Use their success to increase your credibility. Ask them for testimonials, post those everywhere, and then raise your prices. People are more willing to pay a premium price once you've displayed value.

thespicyroot6 karma

Congrats on your success. Sounds like a great business, especially during these trying times.

I am guessing most of your clients are those who find dating a challenge. Do you ever get contacted to give advice to those who are successful at dating and looking for a new and refreshing angle? Not talking about playboys/playgirls but those who have figured out how to communicate at a deep level from the get go, aka initial online post?

thotgirlisalady8 karma

oh yeah, that happens a lot more frequently than I would have initially thought it would. I get lots of clients who do well but want to know how to do better, checkups, and people who are getting plenty of matches, but not from the demographic they're looking for. I really like those appointments, they're a different kind of challenge.

JustPassingShhh6 karma

OK choosing only from "fast food" choices, no price limit, what are you having for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner for one perfect day?

thotgirlisalady12 karma

hmmmm ok. So, Starbucks impossible sausage and cheddar breakfast sandwich with a BIG ASS iced caramel macchiato for breakfast, Arbys curly fries and mozz sticks for lunch, and MSG filled Chinese takeout for dinner, extra rice, extra eggroll.

Thanks for making me hungry btw haha.

envelopepusher5 karma

Firstly, congratulations on finding what makes you happy and abundant simultaneously. You Nailed it!!!

I am a 50year old single woman, been divorced for 20+ years, chose not to have kids so that I could dabble in a few different careers, travel, work on my PhD..... I am currently living with and caring for my elderly dad (not much time left), but would love to casually date. Do I start the online dating thing now? I have had experience with online dating since 2004 so I know how it goes but not really wanting to wade through the male bullshit.

Which online dating site would you suggest?

thotgirlisalady11 karma

Sure, if you want to- but there will always be bullshit unfortunately. Focus on building a quality profile with clear and accurate photos that provide a lot of clarity. If they can't look at your photos and feel super confident about knowing exactly what you're going to look like on a first date, they're more likely to swipe left. The better your profile is, the more high quality profiles you'll attract. The success of certain dating apps are usually best determined by location and what you're looking for. It's difficult for me to answer that with limited information. I'd sign up for a couple of them, measure your results, and focus on the ones that do you best in.

Light_Dark_Choose5 karma

What licenses/permits did you require for your business?

thotgirlisalady13 karma

For a dating consultant? Other than an LLC to make the legal, nothing. What do I have? I masters degree in social work, I'm a practicing therapist, and I'm working on a PhD in clinical psychology.

Light_Dark_Choose2 karma

Are you doing a PhD in the US? Was it very hard to get into the PhD Clinical Psych program?

thotgirlisalady3 karma

yes, it's in the U.S. There were a lot of hoops to jump through for sure.

Howdoyoufeelboutthat5 karma

Since your business has grown so much in such a short amount of time, are you able to keep up with the demand? Do you ever get more clients wanting your services than you have time to accommodate?

Related follow up question: are you hiring or do you ever need to contract out work? :)

Congratulations on your success and everything you’ve accomplished! The grad school struggle is real so it’s amazing that you were able to turn that into such a booming business.

thotgirlisalady8 karma

I usually raise my prices when the demand is higher than my ability to meet it. That way, I have fewer appointments but I'm not losing income. I will eventually need to hire out. I'm just super protective of my clients and it would take a lot of training to teach another "chloe".

Thanks so much :)

crisps_ahoy4 karma

What made you buy a Cruze?!

thotgirlisalady17 karma

She was on sale, and she was very pretty. It was mid pandemic, cars were insanely expensive, and she had a small defect on the bumper that I didn't give two shits about- so I got a great deal and now we do exciting stuff like visit the Starbucks drive through 6 times a week together.

Sharky-Li3 karma


thotgirlisalady10 karma

If you’re asking if I’ve dated… the answer is yes. However, basing my business around my own personal experiences in the dating world isn’t actually helpful large-scale. They would just be my personal experience, as one women, living in one very small corner of a very big world. My advice is based on data collected from huge sample sizes that applicable to large audiences. Yes, I date, no it doesn’t really inform my advice. Anecdotal evidence is rarely the way to go when it comes to providing consistent and repeatable experiences.

Sharky-Li2 karma


thotgirlisalady9 karma

That's fair, sorry I misunderstood.

There are a few benefits to using my services over other dating consultants.

First, I have the background and education to back it up. I have a masters degree in clinical social work, I am a practicing therapist, and I'm working on a PhD in clinical psychology. I also have a background in research.

Additionally, the services I offer are based off of data from peer-reviewed articles with large sample sizes- rather than my personal opinion of what works or relying on pseudoscience.

More importantly, my services are actionable. Meaning, their intent is to teach you a skill that you can then use without me. You will find that my field plagued with consultants who's entire business model is fostering dependence. I find this to be predatory and incredibly unethical.

I will also add that my website is full of traceable testimonials from real people who have used and had success with my services. My traceable I mean that you can literally click on their names and it will bring you to their Reddit username. I refuse to add any reviews that aren't published publicly on Reddit or Facebook because I've always been wary of website that claim to have hundreds of testimonials they could have just written themselves.

Everything about Advice by Chloe has been excruciatingly and carefully curated to ensure that I am helping people in the most efficient way possible without causing harm. I am really proud that I have an online business that has literally never received a negative review. It's not because I'm a miracle worker- it's because I genuinely care about my clients and I do everything I can do ensure that no one walks away from me feeling taken advantage of. I'm a social worker at heart, I can't really express how important it is to be that Advice really helps people. I will always choose the client's wellbeing over eking out as much money as I can get out them.

NuclearStar3 karma

How do you prevent yourself from being bias, I mean how do you know the profiles you don't like are just because it clashes with your own personality and that someone else who may be that person's perfect match might actually have liked that profile?do you get second opinions from friends?

thotgirlisalady11 karma

I don't base the advice I give on my personal preferences. I rely on peer-reviewed articles with large and diverse sample sizes. There's a lot a lot of really good stuff within dating psychology now and new studies are popping up every day about dating apps. I don't get second opinions from my friends because my sessions rarely include anecdotal evidence or personal preferences.

Dating apps are extremely competitive for straight men. An attractive female in a fairly large area can get up to 100 likes a day. It's so competitive that unless we use strategy it's easy to get overlooked. My job is to make difficult for her to swipe left on him unnecessarily.

darshilj973 karma

Hey congratulations on your growth. What's your next plan of action ?

thotgirlisalady8 karma

I'm going to start streaming on Twitch, within the next few months I plan to start do YouTube videos with dating advice, a podcast, and I'm in the process of creating workshops. A lot of things I'm excited about, time is almost always my limiting factor haha.

davenport6513 karma

I skimmed the questions and couldn’t find one like this: I’ve heard a lot of people say that no one in our country should ever be at risk of being homeless, hungry, or fearful for their survival (aka “capitalism is evil”), yet you are living an example of personal desperation causing a highly valuable service to be filled in the marketplace.

Do you feel like your service would have ever been created without that moment of desperation? Where do you see your life if you would have been taken care of by adequate government support?

thotgirlisalady6 karma

I get asked this question a lot. I was actually asked by Fox news to come on their show after my first AMA to talk about how I pulled myself up without government assistance and I refused.

Here's the thing. My post going viral on Slavelabour was luck. I was in the right place at the right time with the right idea. I'm not trying to minimize my success- once I got lucky I worked really hard to keep it... but ultimately, I got lucky. People in the richest country in the world shouldn't have to rely on luck in order to avoid homelessness.

59% of Americans are one paycheck away from homelessness. Most people in this country are one tragic circumstance or one mistake away from losing everything.

I'm a social worker, I've worked with people living in poverty for years. I can't even begin to tell you how many stories I've heard from people who went homeless because they couldn't afford their medical bills, or single moms who are literally working 3 jobs to support their kids. I very strongly believe that 1 full-time job should pay a livable wage, and that government support is vital as a cushion when hard times come.

Please don't use my success as nod towards the callous way our government often treats people living in poverty. Working $5 an hour, 12 hours a day, 7 days a week isn't a great success story. It's something I had to do to survive and it was terrifying. I'm very grateful that Reddit was there for me when I really needed a helping hand... but they shouldn't of had to have been.

jayb5566773 karma

Just to confirm, you think the threat of being made homeless is a good motivator and a positive example of capitalism at work? Do you think the people who didn’t succeed and lost the game of thrive or die are a fair price to pay? I say this as someone who came to this country as an immigrant, I have been exceptionally successful but I still don’t think we should use the threat of destitution as a motivation tool

thotgirlisalady3 karma

100,000,000,000% agree

snorlz3 karma

How do you combat racial/ethnic preferences? Most people are aware of the Okcupid data analysis that showed asian men and black women have the lowest match rates (and ironically asian women and black men have high rates). If you live in a diverse city like SF or NYC, this is probably not a huge issue, but what if you live somewhere where 95% of the population is white?

thotgirlisalady8 karma

About 50% of my clients are people are color. We talk about stereotypes and how they're affecting their match rates, what we could do to combat it, what they feel comfortable doing to combat it, and then work from there. This is a long and complex answer that is difficult to respond to broadly. With clients of color, especially Asian men and Black women, we address the elephant in the room right away. How we address it depends entirely on their comfort level. What is most effective will sometimes hurt your soul. Your soul is more important than algorithms. It's a case by case situation.

Fumblerful-3 karma

I have two questions, if you have the time. The first one is what are subtle ways Reddit has influenced you?

The second is the biggest issue I have found is I lack hope in the dating sphere, if that makes sense. I used to not care about being single, because my priorities lay in different areas, academics mostly. But then I realized that nearly every RPG character I played would die unmarried and childless. I woke up to the fact that I was just roleplaying different versions myself and seeing the consequences of these choices was seemingly grand achievement, but little actual personal value. I just don't know how people date, or even how to be attractive in a way I enjoy.

Thank you!

thotgirlisalady5 karma

To answer your first question, I don't even know how Reddit has affected me. I think that social media in general affects us in so many super obvious and imperceptible ways.. I get most of my news from Reddit, so that actually has a pretty big impact on how I see the world.

In terms of my business, Reddit is also very dear to my heart because I posted to Reddit when I was in a complete state of just... terror. I was treated with a level of kindness and grace that I can't really describe. Even when I was charging $5/hr, clients were giving me $50 tips. One of my clients tipped me $200 and told me to go buy a good microphone and told me he thinks I'd be really good at this. $200 was a life changing amount of money at the time. It was so critical to me getting my life back together.

I'm honestly not sure if I would have been able to pay my rent on time if I had really, genuinely been working for $5 an hour. People were really kind to me in a way I'll never forget. So Reddit has a very precious part of my heart. I'm also a super fucking nerd, so Reddit is where I go to geek out about Critical Role, Old School RuneScape, or to find people to play games with. Reddit is a community that I use for almost everything. So how does it affect me? A lot, and I'm sure even in ways that I'm completely unaware of.

For your second question: First, I would say DON'T PANIC. I have 3-4 clients a week who come to me in a state of panic because they've hit an age in which they assumed they'd be married and they're not - and they're afraid it'll never happen for them.

You really don't need to panic. However old you are, it's ok to start dating now if that's something you want to do.

For getting started, I can see how that would be overwhelming. In terms of specific advice I can give, it's difficult because I don't have specifics about which part of dating you're struggling with, so I'm going to keep it broad.

When it comes to how to be attractive in a way that you enjoy, I'm not sure if you mean your physical appearance or as a partner overall. With regards to online dating, it's largely a marketing campaign. Success and failure is largely based on how successful you are at marking yourself. I would suggest that you take a little time before jumping into the dating world to figure out what you want. Do you want to just date and kind of get a feel for that? Or are you looking for something long term? I'd also suggest that you take some time to figure out what you want, what your boundaries are, etc. It's important to do that before jumping into the dating world- because otherwise people will often base their boundaries on the boundaries of their partner. I would sit down, have some self reflection, take a deep breath, and then go from there.

erm_what_2 karma

Hi! This is a really cool story and it's great to see someone successful and doing something they're happy with.

I have a couple of questions:

  • Was there a particular job or moment when you realised you preferred doing this over anything else? Or was it a gradual realisation? I'm doing a job I enjoy, but I am always looking at other jobs/careers and thinking they could be better, especially when they help people as much as you do.

  • On a more personal note for myself: I am polyamorous and use dating sites/apps that account for that to varying degrees - some have it as an option, others seem unaware that everyone isn't the same. I'm always very upfront about it and it's in my bio, but I worry the societal perception of my lifestyle/sexuality puts people off more than the reality of it. I'm not someone who defines themselves by their sexuality and I think I convey that I am a fairly normal guy, and sometimes even pretty interesting. I think the misperception that polyamory/ENM = slutty/unfaithful is a common problem for people in the community. Finally getting to the actual question: Have you come across any good ways I could communicate being polyamorous without people thinking I'm a creep that wants to sleep around and deceive them?

thotgirlisalady10 karma

oooh, I like your question because it's something I struggled with for so long.

It started with a plan to only do Advice by Chloe until I finished grad school... but then I finished grad school, and I wasn't ready to give it up, so I told myself I would keep doing it until I started my PhD.. but then I wasn't ready to give it up, so I told myself I would keep doing it until I finished my PhD. I no longer qualify it. I love Advice by Chloe. It makes me really happy and it's sustainable income. As long as those two things continue to be true, I'm going to focus on this. It's not that I don't enjoy being a therapist or a social worker. I do, I just really love what I'm doing right now. I just had to reach a point where I was ok with that.

I have a surprising number of poly clients for that exact reason. You're always going to get less matches when you're poly because it's a much smaller audience that is interested in that dynamic.

First, It's super important to first clarify the important stuff: that you are poly, that your partner is aware, and that you're both happy with the dynamic of your relationship.

Second, humanize the hell out of yourself. Otherwise you're going to accidentally define yourself through your lifestyle. Tell a funny story, add some personality. You're a person who is poly. Poly is not who you are. That distinction is important.

Thanks for the cool questions, and good luck!

delishuz1 karma

I’m now base level 86 in OSRS
- Ironman account? ;D

thotgirlisalady3 karma

no... I'm a basic bitch with a regular account lol.

InfernoFlameBlast1 karma

Can anyone become a dating coach? Or are certain credentials needed?

thotgirlisalady2 karma

Technically, there are no credentials. For myself, I have a masters degree in clinical social work, a research background, and working on my PhD. I work very hard to make sure that Advice by Chloe is backed by data, not pseudoscience or predatory tactics.

SupremePooper1 karma

How do you get your compensation, and how much time proportionally did you have to spend sifting out the garbage requestsfrom the valid ones?

thotgirlisalady7 karma

I use payment processors such as Stripe, Paypal Business, or Venmo Business for compensation. I honestly don't get a lot of garbage. Everyone once in a while someone will send me a million emails trying to eek out as much free advice as they can without any intention of making an appointment, but they're pretty easy to spot and thankfully a rarity.

liamemsa1 karma

How much do you think your physical attractiveness played into your popularity with men seeking you out for dating advice?

thotgirlisalady4 karma

eh, somewhat? I don't show my face, and up until recently, I didn't have photos on my website. I'm a girl. This is the internet. The tatas will always help a bit, but I doubt people would continue to invest $100 an hour if I wasn't actually helping them.

Jollywog1 karma

Do you still nomad about? Do you like it? Do you go overseas?

thotgirlisalady3 karma

Covid isn't compatible with the nomad life haha. I'm a real grownup now. I have a house and a toaster and everything.

GuntherMontez1 karma

I'm going to be moving to a new city in 3 months. As such, I've stopped checking any dating apps the last few months, it seems counterproductive to keep looking for matches in my current city and too early to look for matches in my new city. Do you recommend starting active searches in the new city before the move happens or waiting until after? If before, how long before the move would you suggest? If it makes a difference to the advice, I'm a man in my 40's.

Thanks for reading!

thotgirlisalady3 karma

How far away is the new city? Would you be willing to drive there for a date? If not, I would start a week or less before you move. It would suck if you connect with someone you like and then it falls apart because of distance. Ideally, you should be asking them out on a date relatively quickly after matching. Gl on you move!!!

worrylessknowmore-4 karma

Why are your services so cheap? You could easily double what you're charging for. You've got great references and looks like more exposure is just around the corner. Increase your prices, dammit! And well done. Also have a "insanely" expensive offer or two for those who equate price with value.

thotgirlisalady17 karma

haha I get told that all the time. It's a constant struggle for me. First of all, $69 is a hilarious price pun I'm not sure if I'm willing to let go of. I also worry about college kids not being able to afford me, and as much as I like money, it's also important for me to feel like I'm actually helping people who really need it. The 18 year old college kid who has a lot of questions with no one to ask is very close to my heart. I've been raising my prices a couple of times a year, and I'll probably continue to do so- but I feel guilty each time it happens haha.

GOATOwens-11 karma

Holy shit what an amazing story that is, when are we seeing a movie on your life ?

thotgirlisalady-3 karma

lol dude, I'm so in.