I'm Jamie Tworkowski and I'm the founder of To Write Love on Her Arms. This week is National Suicide Prevention Week, and tomorrow (9/10) is World Suicide Prevention Day. AMA!

Random question (and I ask because I'm trying to write a WSPD post), is this the order of TWLOHA's campaigns?:

2013: You Cannot Be Replaced

2014: No One Else Can Play Your Part

2015: We'll See You Tomorrow

2016: And So I Kept Living

2017: Stay. Find What You Were Made For

2018: Tomorrow Needs You

2019: You Make Today Better

This looks right to me! It's cool to see all of them in one place : )

How would you go about breaking up with a mentally broken and illness stricken individual who threatens to kill herself?

I'm not happy with her anymore and I just want a normal life...

Edit: holy shit this blew up I broke up with her this evening and she took it hard but won't kill herself, now I just need to move all my shit out.

This is an incredibly hard one. Would you mind emailing [email protected] so that we can give you a better response?

I’m going to school for public health and hoping to pursue a career in mental health advocacy. What advice would you have for getting starting in this field while maintaining your own mental health?

To take the advice you hope to pass along to your future clients. We're often good at telling others to be healthy, get help, etc. It's another thing entirely to take that advice in our own lives, to live and work in a way that's sustainable, that protects us from burnout, etc.

What are some key ways that we can change how we use social media to interact with the world around us to reduce the feelings of anxiety and stress that many of us feel when we use it? In the world we live in, its not always feasible to simply not log in and not use it.

Good question. i think it's all about boundaries and balance, and that will look difference for each of us. i have one friend who gives himself 20 minutes a day for Instagram. He's decided that's a healthy amount for him personally. i think how we think about social media relates a lot to mental health in general. We all have to figure out what healthy boundaries look like, what a good self-care routine looks like. We certainly balance time online with time offline, with relationships and exercise and rest...

I'll try not to be lengthy.

My family has this habit of ignoring mental illness and not talking about it (or feelings in general), or even refusing to believe anyone of us could suffer from depression. After many years (about 10 years at this rate) of trying to tell them (mainly my dad) that I have depression only to be shut down has put a wedge in our relationship. How do I bridge the gap and try and reconnect with people who only hear their own voices and not others? I'm exhausted and honestly close to just giving up on being close with them.

Thank you for everything you do. Been following TWLOHA since 2009 and it's been a lifesaver. 💜

This is really hard. We can't control anyone else. We can't make anyone "get it." But we deserve healthy honest relationships. We all need people who help us feel supported and understood. i think this question is a great one to process over time with a licensed counselor. Because there's so much wrapped up in it. Your needs, the need for boundaries... i believe a counselor can help you walk through it.

If you suspect that a friend is struggling, what is the best way to approach them about getting help?

My friend Aaron Moore is a licensed counselor and he talks about the need to balance honesty and compassion. Honesty means we tell the truth, we express concern, we ask the hard question. Compassion means we make sure the friend knows we love them and that we'll stick with them. It's good to express concern and to keep showing up, and to make sure the friend knows we're willing to be part of the process of them getting help. Specifically, we believe that seeing a licensed mental health professional is often a great place to start. https://twloha.com/find-help/

Hi Jamie,

Thank you for everything you do. Do you have any thoughts on how to be of service to others when struggling with your own mental health?

Reminds me of the social media question we started with. i think it's all about boundaries and balance, figuring out what we can give while also keeping in mind what we need. i am certainly someone who struggles with depression, who also hopes to be of service to people who struggle with depression. There is a lot of value in telling our own story, being vulnerable about needing help and getting help. Exactly what that looks like is a great thing to process with a counselor and people who know us.

What do you think of the push to give the suicide prevention phoneline the three-digit number of 988?

i'm all for anything that makes it easier for people to get help. Three digits are certainly easier to remember, so that would be a great thing in my opinion.

Any opinions on 13 Reasons Why?

https://twloha.com/blog/in-response-to-13-reasons-why/

How's your heart? What is your favourite part of this year's campaign?

Heart is doing well! i feel a sense of purpose and a lot of excitement because of the campaign. i'm incredibly proud of our new video. https://youtu.be/xFu8IXDSy1s

I’ve been struggling with mental Illness all my life. For the last(almost) ten years I’ve been fighting with social security and I’ve finally received a decision which pretty much makes it final and that decision was that I didn’t qualify for SSDI and/or SSI.

I’m at loss on what to do. I see my psychiatrist at least once a month and he’s the one that tells me that yeah I can’t handle working a full-time job. There is years of him saying and it’s all over my medical records but they somehow still declined me.

Anyways, on to the meat of my comment.

I really have no idea what to do next. It’d be nice to find work that I’m able to do but, I haven’t worked in 11 years. That looks bad on a resume. I know that. Not much I can do about it.

What I need is some resources to help me get back on my feet. I’m in Florida and support for people with mental illnesses here is horrible. My p-doc actually asked me if I could move to a state with more support for people with mental illnesses. I was stunned. I can’t do that. I’d be homeless. I already am technically homeless but that would put me on the street.

I’m lucky to be in the position I am and it’s not with my own family. Some friends took me in and kind of adopted me and I help take care of them to make up for them paying my bills. But, I am literally one bad day away from being homeless living on the street.

This terrifies me and at the same time even looking into this stuff makes me extremely overwhelmed. Where do I start and what can I do to find assistance to my life going again?

First off, i'm sorry. This sounds incredibly hard. Two things come to mind in answering your question.

1. https://twloha.com/find-help/ You can enter your zip code and find a list of local resources including free and reduced-rate services.

2. You're welcome to email [email protected] to get a longer response from our team.

Peace to you. i'm rooting for you.

What is your best advice for friendships where they just don't seem to be around in times of struggle/do not understand what you're going through in terms of depression/anxiety/mental illness? Do you have any advice on helping people to understand? I know you can't make people care if they don't, but I struggle with knowing if some friendships are meant to just be more "surface level" and notice myself taking it personally/feeling down about it.

See two answers above. i think the same stuff applies. i think we can all relate to wishing some friendships were closer/details, wishing more people or certain people would "get it." i do believe we all need a few close people. We all need a support system. It's worth fighting for. It also makes a strong case for professional help, because their job is to "get it" and to help us feel understood, help us heal, etc.

Hi Jamie, thank you for doing an AMA, I appreicate all of the work that you and the whole TWLOHA team are doing and I love being a part of this community.

How do I foster a community of openness and vulnerability among people who have struggled with depression and suicidal ideation on my college campus? I’m kicking off my attempt at this tomorrow for WSPD by putting up a display of all the promo material from the campaign package in addition to a poster of important crisis contact info, but I’m not sure what my next step is. My purpose of putting it all on display (anonymously) in a public part of campus is to let others struggling know that they are not alone and someone cares, but I don’t want to stop there. I would love to get a community of people together to talk about mental health and suicide prevention, not necessarily a club, but it’s hard to do so because people often don’t come forward about their experiences with these stigmatized topics. Advice from anyone is appreciated!

https://twloha.com/uchapters/

University Chapters are our best answer to bringing the conversation to college campuses! You can also email [email protected] with questions. i love to remind people that big things often start small. The first gathering i ever hosted, ZERO people showed up. With TWLOHA, it started with trying to help one person. If you can help a few folks feel cared for, if you can help connect a few people, there's a good chance it will grow!

I was thinking that maybe instead of doing it totally anonymously, I could leave my phone number for people to reach out, but there could be some privacy and safety issues with doing that.

i would advise against that. Speaking from experience, it feels so good to point to solutions that are bigger than me and more qualified than me. You'll find lots of good resources here, including 24/7 helplines: https://twloha.com/find-help/

What is the origin of the name To Write Love on Her Arms? I've seen it for years, but never quite understood it.

https://twloha.com/learn/story/ It was the name of this story, which i wrote back in 2006 about getting to know and helping a friend.

Hey Jamie,

Thanks for doing an AMA. Just two questions.

1. How is Renee?

2. Where would you be if TWLOHA wasn’t created?

1. She had a baby boy a few months ago! So i think she's enjoying this new chapter, of becoming a mother and taking care of her little guy. i'm super proud of her and excited for her.

2. Not sure. i was a sales rep for Hurley prior to all of this. i'm pretty sure they would have fired me by now. i'm thankful for how things turned out. i feel grateful to be able to do the work i do now.

Hi Jamie,

As someone starting out on their own journey of helping people is there any advice for starting an organization or a mission like twloha.

I have wanted to help people, mainly children, with at risk behaviours and mental health needs since I was in highschool and I find that now that I am working in the field and able to help them I might not be making the biggest impact I can.

In your book I remember you saying that you never knew you were going to start twloha until it had already started. Is there any hints or tips to starting a mission like twloha or do you think this is a field that you just fall into?

i love to remind people that big things often start small. TWLOHA started as an attempt to help one friend. No mission statement, no business plan, no five-year plan. i wrote a story, made a MySpace page and ordered 100 t-shirts. We never know where things might go. i like to invite people to be creative, honest, brave, and bold in meeting needs. We can't control how "big" something gets, but we can do our best to do great work in helping people.

I am literally cobsidered a terrorist in my country for doing nothing and our passports got cancelled so no way out. My parents dont have jobs and we are struggling. So I would like to ask you how you prevent someone like me from killing themselves?

First off, i'm very sorry. i can only imagine how difficult this is. My best answer is that i still believe life is worth living. i still believe that you are made to be known and loved, and you're made to know and love other people. i believe that for folks in jails and folks in hospitals. i believe there is always still beauty and wonder and goodness to be found, even in the darkest seasons and darkest places. You deserve love. You deserve a support system. If you're able to join us for this chat, i wonder if you can also use the internet to connect with mental health and suicide-prevention-related resources. https://twloha.com/find-help/ You're also welcome to email [email protected] Peace to you. i am absolutely rooting for you.

I have two questions, one is an in general, one is more personal directly for you.

In speaking about depression/anxiety/ honestly any mental illness... what is the best way to approach the topics with your family/friends? I know personally I have a very old school father, who has always just said that people need to “snap out of it”, so I never share what I’m dealing with. What would be the best way to start a conversation that would be open and helping, rather than close minded and criticizing?

For you specifically, I listened to an interview with you recently (and your Instagram posts, book, all that jazz lol) where you mentioned one of the harder things you’ve dealt with was love and heartbreak, but how you’ve now found yourself hopeful for love and getting married, etc... how did you get to that point? (Again) personally I feel like I can identify with those feelings. I’ve been really hurt in the past to where I closed myself of to thinking those things for my future, but lately I’ve found myself almost mourning the future I could have had, instead of looking forward to any possibilities. I want to say I’d love to find those things, but I guess it’s just baby steps... if that makes any sense lol.

But after all that, thank you for the work you do. And for being a kind soul in this world. I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but you’re heart is in the work you do and the people and stories and you make the world feel like a not so lonely place for people like me cheering you on.

~Paige

Hi Paige. i would say a couple of the previous answers would apply to your first question. It's hard because we can't make anyone get it. We can only be honest and do our best and it's hard when we don't get the response we're hoping for, when it just feels like someone doesn't understand... We all need at least a few folks who come with us on this journey.

As for the second, i would say i've always been hopeful as it relates to romantic love. i've always loved love! The challenge is that heartache and heartbreak can be so devastating. Counseling has been a big help, and i think time helps too. And learning that love can come from other places. We can fill our lives with good stuff even as we wait and hope for that special someone to share it all with. i got a puppy a few months ago and i can't recommend that enough : )

No questions for you. Just want to say that I appreciate you and the story/mission ever since I heard about you guys and bought a shirt back in 2006-07?

Keep up the fantastic work.

Wow! Thanks for your support then and now and in between. That's amazing and we are grateful.

Hi Jamie. Do you have any favourite apps/blogs/resources that you could share that help you to maintain your self-care and mental health?

i'm biased but i'm a big fan of the TWLOHA blog and our FIND HELP page as well. https://twloha.com/

A friend was telling me how much the Calm app has helped him recently. It's cool that there are more and more tools to help people with self-care and mental health.

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i have not. But i'm someone who struggles with depression. Counseling and meds have helped me for years.

What advice do you have for people struggling with this but haven't asked for help and don't know where to begin or what to do?

That it's okay to ask for help, and it's worth it. Talk to a friend or trusted loved one. From there, we believe in professional help. i'm someone who struggles with depression and counseling has helped me so much. https://twloha.com/find-help/

My adult daughter’s boyfriend committed suicide 7 months ago (the day before her birthday, by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge so it’s especially horrifying) and now she finally is admitting to feeling suicidal herself. She has promised me she will seek professional help. I am 7 hours away by plane. What can I do to help her? What resources are available for survivors of partners who kill themselves?

i'm so sorry. https://afsp.org/ comes to mind. You can also search for resources by zip code here. https://twloha.com/find-help/

AFSP will have some specific resources for survivors. And then we would certainly recommend counseling for anyone who is struggling. i hope those two websites can help and then you're also welcome to email us at [email protected] i'm rooting for your daughter.

I'm entering a treatment program. I found myself gaslit and misled by people I thought were my friends. I am seeking help because this has reopened old scars while bringing up new trauma. Can you fix things you've messed up while on a downward spiral?

i went away for a week of therapy at a place called Onsite a couple summers ago. The motto there is "Trust the process." That comes to mind here. It's not easy to ask for help but i do believe it's worth it. i do believe that it's possible to heal and possible to change. And the good news is you don't have to do it on your own.

How do you decide on who gets help and who doesn't? What are the ways that the program finds those that need help and then how is it provided? Asking for a uh...friend.

There is an application process. Feel free to email [email protected] to learn more. We actually have a full-time person dedicated to helping folks connect with help, as of this year. It's my buddy Aaron and i love his work.

Hey before my question I want to share a story. I used to rock your shirts back on tour in like 2008, and I ran into you again in 2018 at TwitchCon and you gave me three different bracelets, one each day, and I’ve worn them since. I want to let you know that I was prepared to commit suicide around that time and contemplating the “You Belong Here” message literally saved my life. Something as minor as a bracelet (ok three bracelets) really helped, and I am so thankful that you’re still keeping the mission alive. Thanks for saving my life.

So my question is, do you still sponsor tours or provide tour support for artists? I discovered you from the rock scene but I don’t see the connection to the music scene anymore, and I think it’s a space where TWLOHA can really reach a lot of people going through some stuff.

First off, i'm so glad that you're still alive. So glad something as simple as a bracelet was helpful to you.

As for our connection to music, it's alive and well. We're covering more ground than ever in terms of having a presence at music festivals. Our annual event, HEAVY AND LIGHT, at House of Blues Orlando, is coming up later this month. i'm heading to the UK with Noah Gundersen in January. And our World Suicide Prevention Day video features several music-maker friends : )

Just wanted to say that you gave a speech at a convention in orlando in 2010 that I was in the audience for, and it was truly the best night of the convention. To this day, I can recall you telling us about how the phrase “To Write Love on Her Arms” was coined and it truly changed my life and helped me so much. Then, at 15, I was in a very dark place that only got darker over the next few years, but I survived in no small part to the words you spoke that night. Now I’m 24 and happily married, and while I still struggle with depression, I haven’t had a single suicidal thought in the last two years. At 15, I was contemplating it nearly every night.

As for my question, is Emily still cool with the summer set? I used to love the relationship they all seemed to have but I’m no longer on twitter much these days.

The Summer Set broke up! But Jess Bowen is one of her best friends : )

Meant to respond to the first part. Wow, that's so cool. Thank you for sharing. i'm so glad that night was helpful to you.

Thanks for your work in this facet of humanity Jamie.

While it may seem like semantics, what are your thoughts on the societal label of depression and suicidal thoughts labeled as a mental "illness"? Do you think this is accurate? And why or why not?

Personally, i find myself saying "mental health" more than "mental illness." i think language really comes down to what people are comfortable with. The flip side is that it can be helpful to frame depression as an illness instead of a character flaw. We understand that the body is fragile. The brain is the same and certainly the brain is part of the body.

Jamie, I can’t tell you enough of much of an impact you and To Write Love On Her Arms has made on my life. I love how open you are on social media even about your struggles and how you have been to therapy. I just recently started going to therapy and I guess I want to know a little more about your experience with it, how it is impacting your life? And any advice for someone who’s trying to figure out their own head in therapy.

Again thank you for all that you have done and showing that hope is real.

-MM

It impacts so many parts of my life. i love that counseling is a place i can talk about absolutely anything. Literally, in recent months, i've talked about getting a puppy, relationships with family, dealing with depression, navigating dating, crushes, rejection, etc. Counseling is a safe place to talk about whatever we might be dealing with. i'm so thankful for it. My advice is to be honest and to trust the process!

How do you deal with a suicidal friend? Seriously asking right now because I have one

Here are two resources to help: https://qprinstitute.com/ https://afsp.org/ You can also always text Crisis Text Line at 741-741. If you're worried for someone's life, please call 911.

How do you let someone know that you're there for them? after telling them that you're there for them, will listen to anything they have to say...

Someone very close to me attempted and I'm just.... I don't know what to do

My first thought is, do they have the help and support they need? Beyond that, your presence is likely a huge gift, even when you don't know what to say. You showing up and listening and loving this person matters a ton. From there, i think it's just about speaking truth to them, pointing to good ideas and good help, reminding them that life is worth living and that you want them to have the help they need and deserve.

Also, it's a heavy burden to carry. You deserve help and support as you carry walk through this.

How did you get involved in twloha?

i wrote the story back in 2006 and started selling t-shirts as a way to help my friend Renee. The non-profit was born from the surprising response to the story and the shirts : )

I'm not familiar with the story. Could you link it?

https://twloha.com/learn/story/

On days when you find yourself struggling the most, what do you do to snap yourself out of that mindset?

Perhaps "snapping out of it" isn't the goal. Maybe being gentle with ourself is better. Sort of like if you twisted your ankle, you wouldn't try to run on it. You would figure out what the ankle needed to heal, so that you could eventually run again. For me, counseling is huge. Some weeks when things are really hard, i'll try to go twice instead of once. Beyond that, i think a lot about self-care. Which for me is everything from time with loved ones to watching a show i enjoy to getting enough sleep.

What are you shoes do you wear?

i tend to wear Nike high tops, but sometimes Nike low tops. i grew up playing basketball : )

How are you doing?

i'm good! So proud of the video we released last night! Excited for more folks to see it. https://youtu.be/xFu8IXDSy1s

How do you, as someone who has devoted themselves to mental health issues, anti-addiction, anti-suicide and self-harm campaigns, keep yourself from burning out in doing so? I've heard a lot from therapist/social workers that this sort of burn out and disillusionment in this field is high.

i've definitely had seasons of burnout, and also seasons of simply dealing with heartache and depression. Counseling has been a huge help. Meds have helped. And then also, learning about self-care. Beginning to value life beyond work, meaning relationships, sleep, exercise, hobbies...

First, thank you for existing. Without you, Renee, and TWLOHA, I wouldn’t have gotten through some dark times. That being said... is there anywhere I could buy the Paramore shirt?

You're so welcome. i don't think we've printed that one in years! It's a collector's item at this point : )

Hi Jamie! I have a friend, 19yo, who has self-harm and ED issues who seem to always want to do "fun" things with me while still being dysfunctional with their self-care and actively harming themselves. I am not sure how to approach the situation, and I have told them time and time again that I am not comfortable/interested in doing "fun" activities while they are refusing to eat and actively harming themselves when alone.

I honestly am just not sure how to continue to be a friend, as I feel like at this point I am a repetitive cheerleader who pushes them to tackle their issues with their therapist/family/support team and pushes them to reach goals.

I feel guilty that I do not want to continue the friendship, but I don't feel like it's giving them any kind of benefit. What are your thoughts?

This is a tough one. i think it would be worth talking to a licensed mental health counselor about. It's a lot to process. You're also welcome to email our team at [email protected]

What is something you think schools can do to help students with their mental health?

We are about to launch a high school program, so stay tuned for that! We also have a University Chapters program. https://twloha.com/get-involved/community/ i'm a fan of anything that brings the mental health conversation / resources / information to students, from classes to small groups to big events. It all starts with talking about mental health.

Hi Jamie! Hope all is well with you. Thank you for opening up this question forum. I find many things that you share inspiring, encouraging, & thought-provoking. I enjoy reading your posts daily or as they come up. Here's a few questions at once...What inspires your writing~books, short stories, posts, etc? Who influences you to do the work that you do and why are they your influencers? How is your second book coming along? I look forward to reading your next one? :)

Hi! Thanks for your kind words. i tend to write about things that happen, especially in my life but also in the world around me. From a line in a movie to a conversation with a friend to a story that makes headlines around the world. i write to make sense of things and of course the goal and hope is also to encourage people. As far as influences, there are lots! My family, friends, music, movies... Matt Haig is someome i look up to a lot. Bono is my hero. Glennon Doyle inspires me. i'm a fan of folks who are honest : )

Oh and second book is coming slowly! Been so busy with our big campaign lately. Hoping to switch gears to get more writing done after this week, which is the most important week of the year for TWLOHA.

Jamie, do you think it's a viable strategy to engage a suicidal person in an in-depth analysis of the modes of suicide, thereby jump-starting a thinking process that might give them a sense of purpose, until the situation is resolved? Has it been tried or would it be considered too risky?

This one is beyond me. My best advice is for people to go thru the QPR training and to trust the experts there. https://qprinstitute.com/

AFSP is of course another great resource: https://afsp.org/

What are your top 3 favorite books? favorite bar drink?

East of Eden by John Steinbeck, The Road by Cormac McCarthy, Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig.

Favorite bar drink is Red Bull or Dr. Pepper : )

hi, jamie!! i've been a big fan of what you do for years now, and you inspire me to advocate for mental health in the future as a counselor and maybe in some other ways in the future. how would you suggest getting started in the world of mental health advocacy, career-wise? also, is there any way that an adult who can't open up a chapter of TWLOHA on a college campus or anything can be involved in TWLOHA without moving to florida?

Career-wise, i would say to look into the education that's required to get started. It could also be great to connect with someone (or multiple people) who work in the field to ask them what it's like and certainly to ask for their advice. As for getting involved with TWLOHA, we want to invite everyone to join our World Suicide Prevention Day campaign. https://twloha.com/youmaketodaybetter/ Beyond that, here are other ways to get involved! https://twloha.com/get-involved/

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At the moment, we would love for everyone to get involved in our World Suicide Prevention Day campaign! https://twloha.com/youmaketodaybetter/

Beyond that: https://twloha.com/get-involved/

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https://twloha.com/learn/story/

It was the title of the story i wrote back in 2006, about getting to know a friend and trying to help.

Is this the same thing (cool Tshirts) I saw a decade or more ago on MySpace? If so cool, what made you start it?

If not, ignore me and my deteriorating memory.

We still offer t-shirts, yes, but there's a lot more to it than that.

Here's the story we started with: https://twloha.com/learn/story/

From there, you're invited to learn more! twloha.com

https://twloha.com/

Hi Jamie,

Fellow believer in your mission and Satellite local here. Few questions for you.

Do you have a brief cool story you can share about Jon Foreman? Another amazing human right there.

Do you still surf? If so we should grab a surf sometime.

Lastly, have you ever read Neville Goddard? His message seems so important in this context. Specifically how that imagining creates reality. Suicide is first an imaginal act before it is carried out. It seems to me in all of our upbringing and education, there is no importance placed on understanding the power of imagination and how to harness it for good, benefit, constructive purposes, etc. versus evil and destruction. I feel like we'd change the world if we taught people (young people especially) to imagine better.

You don't have to answer anything you're not comfortable with. Regardless, keep up the good work!

Hello from down the road : )

Jon Foreman is quite simply the most extraordinary person i know. His brilliance and talent is of course off the charts, but he is just incredible as it relates to caring for people. From bandmates to his crew to venue workers to fans, i'm just always impressed with his ability to be present and his ability to be kind.

i do surf but not nearly enough.

i need to check out Neville G.

Thanks for the kind words!

What is the saddest story you have been told?

Every time we hear about someone lost to suicide or an overdose, it's incredibly sad. We never get used to hearing those stories.