Hey Reddit! I figure very few of you know trans people in your every day lives, and might be afraid to ask questions at the risk of offending someone, so I thought I'd give you all the opportunity to learn about being trans/transitioning from someone who will answer your invasive questions (so long as they're respectful - I'm not gonna give anyone fap fodder hah).

I medically transitioned through hormone replacement therapy (HRT), starting a little over two years ago, and put together a little album to show you the changes I went through.

Proof that it's me: https://imgur.com/a/iHKE4 - if you need more proof, I could take a picture of my Adam's apple for you I suppose, or take a video showing my old voice vs my new voice, just let me know!

So ask away!

Edit: the questions are rolling in faster than I can answer them, but I promise I will be going through to answer them all!

Edit2: work is over and I have to get taco ingredients on my way home - sit tight and I'll be back to answer more questions! If i haven't answered you yet, it's either a big question that requires a longer answer (which I will do later) or I haven't seen it yet.

Edit 3: back and eating some tacos, gonna take another crack at these questions!

Edit 4: it's 2 am my time and I have be up for work in a few hours, so I will return to answer more questions in the morning! Here is an older pic of the girlfriend and I since I didn't post one of us like I meant to.

Edit 5: I'm still going, so keep asking away! Still trying to wade through questions...

Edit 6: it would seem an article about me was published and posted to GenderCritical...guess I made the big time! Can't say I'm entirely impressed by the article, it's a bunch of uninteresting quotes without any context behind them that don't give an accurate picture of everything I've said here, I'd much rather people read this AMA to learn about me and my life.

Edit 7: I'm going to officially call the AMA here, but feel free to keep posting questions and sending me PMs, even if you visit this thread weeks later! I'm still trying to get to them all and I honestly didn't expect this kind of response, it's kind of overwhelming. Thank you all so much for your kind words and your questions, I hope you've learned something here :)

Comments: 1704 • Responses: 91  • Date: 

dopadelic465 karma

What was the first experience you had that made you feel like you were really a woman?

imfinethough1176 karma

I was taking the train to go visit my girlfriend and I had femme'd myself up a bit, and I sat down and the guy in front of me turned around and gave me the once-over and said "hey beautiful, whatchu doin", and I thought to myself "well I guess this is going to be a thing that happens to me now, I feel more like a piece of meat than a person".

Bunghole_Liquors109 karma

So you're now a lesbian?

imfinethough470 karma

I'm bisexual, but I'm in a lesbian relationship right now, yeah.

BMikasa123 karma

Got it. I think.

imfinethough383 karma

I'm a woman and I'm dating a woman. Simple enough?

Hellssponge273 karma

Wait, start from the beginning.

imfinethough803 karma

Well, see my mom and dad loved each other very much...

BrockManstrong248 karma

Too far back, jump ahead

imfinethough1441 karma

So it's the year 2112, I'm typing this from my toaster...

IAmTheAsteroid99 karma

Has your sexuality changed at all with the transition? Were you always bi? If so, did you lean more towards preferring partners of a specific sex before, and has that changed at all?

imfinethough368 karma

I answered this a bit elsewhere, but I realize in retrospect I've always been bisexual. I just wouldn't admit to myself that I was attracted to men because that was "gay" (ironic huh?), and I made up excuses to convince myself that I wasn't actually interested in men, despite having fantasies of being railed in the ass by men (hi mom!) with myself being a woman in the fantasy.

Sexuality is a weird thing. If anything, my whole experience has helped me see the beauty in everyone and their bodies. Breasts are beautiful. Forearms are beautiful. Beards are beautiful. Soft lips are beautiful. Vaginas and penises(?), hips and flat chests, muscles and curves...I dunno, they're all beautiful, and I like how different they are on everyone. I like lazy eyes, I like scars, I like stutters, curly hair, straight hair, no hair...a person's body doesn't matter as much to me (but still matters, don't get it twisted).

BMikasa49 karma

So you felt like a real woman once you felt like a piece of meat?

imfinethough349 karma

I felt like a woman when I realized that some men didn't respect me the same way/see me as an equal anymore, and felt the need to catcall me in public. It was the first time that I felt like I was starting to deal with the same issues that other women face on a daily basis.

zaphod_beeble_bro-14 karma

I wish women spoke to me like I'm a piece of meat :( but in all seriousness, being called beautiful is hardly being treated like meat

imfinethough10 karma

It's not the word beautiful. It's the way they look at you when they say it. The licking of the lips and the winking. The staring. The feeling of being undressed by their eyes and you can't stop it.

vtjfvkc1354 karma

I'm trying to decide between mozzarella and cheddar for my sandwich. Advice?

imfinethough444 karma

Depends on the sandwich, but with no context I pick cheddar.

MuonManLaserJab590 karma

This finally cured me of my raging transphobia. Excellent selection.

imfinethough197 karma

You're welcome, my child. Personally I'd pick blue cheese above all, Gorgonzola a close second...

MuonManLaserJab44 karma

My god...this whole thread is making me feel like I'm just like you...this is tearing apart what I thought I knew about my self-image...

imfinethough71 karma

I have that effect on people.

sejintsume338 karma

I just want to say I saw the proof picture first, then the album. And wow. Science is nifty. You're adorable and I'd never question if you were once a dude. Mind blowing, anyways did you work at the same company/place through the transition? If so, how have your coworkers viewed or supported you?

imfinethough452 karma

I've worked at the same company since about the 7 month mark when I started to pass more consistently, managers know and one or two of my female coworkers know, but none of the men in the office know and I intend to keep it that way. I don't want our interactions to get "weird" and have them feel weird about lightly flirting with me because it makes them "gay", they're all much older men and grew up in a different time so I'd rather just let them live in blissful unawareness.

My managers have been awesome though, it never really came up after I was hired. They compliment and critique me on my work and never made me feel like they didn't see me as a "real" woman, and I'm very thankful for that.

1101010100010011104 karma

Our company actually will pay for the surgery, HRT, and other things. We've had a handful of people go through the process. Science is nifty indeed.

imfinethough425 karma

Hey its me ur employee

aryst0krat36 karma

Just a heads up, it's not necessarily a big deal for every trans person, but generally it's kind to avoid saying things like 'were once a man'. It's more like she was always a woman but it didn't line up until she transitioned.

imfinethough170 karma

Yeah it's not a huge deal for me since I know their heart is in the right place with their questions and I don't want to scare anyone off by making them feel like they need to walk on eggshells, but thank you for making the distinction that not everyone feels that way :)

beer_demon287 karma

Did you go through surgery? If not how do you manage having sex?

Does your beard grow?

Do you have to fake a voice or do you just speak normally? How does that work?

Do you still have male strength? I wonder if you feel more confident you could defend yourself if someone harasses you.

Secondary effects of HRT?

Mind if I have follow up questions?

imfinethough390 karma

Not yet - I have non-penetrative sex with my girlfriend, the way most lesbian couples would. I do like butt stuff though.

Not anymore, I've had laser and electrolysis to kill the roots and I'd say it's 98% gone at this point.

I don't "fake" my voice, it's natural to me now, so I just speak normally. I just had to train and exercise my voice to get it to sit comfortably on my upper register, and it sounds really good now.

I've lost all of my male strength. Without working out, I could do like 4-5 pull ups before with just my natural muscle from testosterone. I tried last weekend and struggled to even do 1. I don't feel confident at all with defending myself against any man, I'm 5'6" and 130 lbs.

Secondary effects - my body hair turned vellus, and my orgasms changed drastically, just two examples.

Hit me with any follow ups you've got!

strangerinmyskin184 karma

Can you explain more how orgasms changed?

imfinethough779 karma

Orgasms and arousal both changed drastically. As a guy/on T, it was all very penis-based. It just felt like pressure building up and when I would orgasm, I felt good but it was all in the area around my penis.

On estrogen, it's all over. Like now even if I'm just thinking about something that turns me on, the insides of the thighs will throb and ache a bit and I'll get goosebumps from my neck to my knees. Warm waves of feeling all over me. I need to be stimulated mentally a bit more than I used to in order for everything to cooperate, and when I finally orgasm it lasts a lot longer than before, and I almost black out a bit. I feel it down my thighs and up to my breasts. Oh yeah, breast stimulation feels amazing now, it didn't feel like anything before.

Aaaaaaand that's about as close to fap fodder I'll get for this thread, I think haha

rubberfactory5526 karma

Wtf that sounds so much better

imfinethough363 karma

You're missing out.

KangasaurusRex275 karma

Take it a doctor won't help transition you for the "primo gazms."

imfinethough276 karma

If you're not trans, you'd probably feel really uncomfortable in your body the same way I felt in my old one - cause it won't match. Not worth the "primo gazms" in my opinion.

Zenopus120 karma

That sounds.... Like I need to tease girls a lot more before.

imfinethough163 karma

Ya do. They'll thank you.

beer_demon71 karma

Do you feel your penis as an obstacle? A flaw? A residue? A fun appendix? A reminder?

How do you do it for the beach or swimming pool?

So as a female voice is natural, when using your old voice does it feel faked or do you just have two voices? Can you even do it?

How has treatment on the street varied? Leaving your "I enjoy being female more than trying to be male" perspective aside for a minute, do you think as a woman you get approached, harassed and objectified a bit more in public, workplace or social places?

If a guy hits on you, do you ever explain you are trans? Who do you tell this to?

imfinethough84 karma

It's just...a part of me. It's not his fault that he's attached to me, he's done his best to give me functioning genitals up until this point. So I owe him a thanks for that, but I still want a vagina at some point.

I can go back and forth between the two, but at this point since I use my male voice so infrequently, I just sound like a 60 year old lesbian who's been smoking for years.

Yes, absolutely. For better and for worse, you get way more attention as a woman. There are times where I miss the fact that I'd just be left alone.

Generally no, since he's not getting into bed with me he doesn't need to know. I would only tell someone before things were starting to get serious, sexually speaking.

[deleted]1 karma

[deleted]

imfinethough2 karma

I answered above ^

orangejulius225 karma

What was the most difficult part about transitioning?

What are the noticeable differences when meeting new people as a woman versus when people perceived you as a man?

imfinethough551 karma

Hmm...probably changing my voice. It was way easier for me than it is for most trans women, because I've been singing and doing impressions for a long time, but it was difficult refining the nuances and female speech patterns, it took maybe 4 months of solid practice to get it to where I wanted it, and then over the course of the year following I made it better little by little.

Men go out of their way to hold doors for me or ask me if I need help now. Women are much more comfortable around me now and will give me compliments on my hair or makeup or clothes, and socialize with me more. As a guy, it was kind of lonely because people while people were nice to me, they'd never engage me, and I could tell when women were visibly uncomfortable with my presence when I'd walk back to my apartment from campus late at night. Having been on the other side now, I completely understand why they felt the way they did, but it still kinda sucks, you know?

Edit: Editing in the video of my voice as it is now https://vid.me/LJz5

lobido239 karma

https://vid.me/gaIA

Just listened to you. I would never know you weren't born a female. I am an older fellow, 60, and it kind of blew my mind, I haven't much experience with people who have made such a change. Congratulations to you on your very successful transition! Much happiness to you.

imfinethough19 karma

Thank you for the compliment :) if I ever run into you at the bar, I'll buy you a drink and you can poke my brain if you'd like! Thanks for being open minded at 60 :)

secretcurse85 karma

Did you work with a speech pathologist? There are some that specialize in helping transgender people with their voices.

imfinethough128 karma

I did not, but my cousin is one, and it's a field I'd actually like to work in one day! I posted a video in another comment of what my voice sounds like now

secretcurse34 karma

Cool, good luck with it. Maybe you can help others with something you struggled with.

imfinethough45 karma

That's what I would love to do for a career. Now I just need to find the right connections to make it happen!

Lukavian60 karma

I'm a 6'5 slightly heavy cis guy. I'm not incredibly socially aware but reading your comment about how people respond to you now, made me realize...life as a male really IS lonely. People tend to leave you to your own unless it's easy to do otherwise.

(sorry if this next line is mis-spoken) Maybe you haven't lived as a woman for long enough yet, but why do you think these changes are the case? As you said, the women being uncomfortable around a man makes sense, but regarding people being more open and friendly and comfortable?

imfinethough67 karma

I think it probably just has to do with stereotypes, honestly...as a society, we see women as "social creatures" and they're supposed to be the caring type, whereas men are seen more as the "leave me to my work", stoic type. Women are also, on the whole, less intimidating, physically speaking. I think these two things are probably a big part of it.

SexualPie48 karma

I could tell when women were visibly uncomfortable with my presence when I'd walk back to my apartment from campus late at night

no offense, but you didnt look super intimidating. just a regular, if a little short dude. was that a common thing for you?

imfinethough88 karma

Not uncommon, yeah. It was probably more the fact that I lived in North Philly and wore the hood of my sweatshirt/jackets up most of the time.

BunnyLavaLamp155 karma

What is one thing you wish the general population understood about you?

imfinethough532 karma

I only get to pick one thing, huh? I guess I'd want them to know that I'm a person just like any other...I spend my days dreading the commute to work, I go out to the bar with my friends, I sit at home and watch football on my Sundays off, I have hobbies and hopes and dreams...being trans is such a small part of what makes me "me". It's just a part of my medical history at this point and isn't relevant in my every day life, for the most part. No one treats me any differently at home, work, or anywhere I might go.

For those who might not "pass" as well as I do, that's the kind of life they want - to just be treated respectfully and live their lives as normally as possible.

BunnyLavaLamp163 karma

Then tell me something you love about yourself that has nothing to do with being trans :)

imfinethough246 karma

I love my singing voice! I sing in the shower every morning and it helps me feel good about myself, and confident - this morning I was singing "Monday" by Matt Corby, and the other day I was singing "Me and Mr Jones" by Amy Winehouse, two songs I really love.

similar_observation75 karma

Has it affected your singing voice though? I mean, is it easier to hit that high note on A-ha's Take on Me?

imfinethough144 karma

I was able to hit that before transitioning, if anything just the fact that I exercise my upper register every day made it even easier to hit. I have a very wide range!

DocVozMach23 karma

Can we hear you sing?

imfinethough134 karma

I don't look like the princess I usually do (it's been a long day, cut me some slack) but here is me singing a clip of "Monday".

imfinethough21 karma

Yeah, gimme a lil bit and I'll add it in here. My shift is ending and I have to go buy taco ingredients on my way home!

winofoshosho28 karma

What team do you root for? (Football)

imfinethough222 karma

The Houston Texans.

Just like my parents, I'm used to disappointment.

23baseball362 karma

You don't know disappointment like I do. Go Browns!

imfinethough47 karma

Misery loves company! Good thing you guys have Josh Gordon to ride the franchise on, right...?

Zircon88135 karma

Do you feel weaker as compared to your pre-trans self?

What are your daily requirements to retain your body? (HRT etc)? Any chance that this set of procedures can ultimately be problematic down the line?

What's keeping you from undertaking genital re-configuration?

Which parts are 100% real (ex: boobs from hormones) and which parts are as a result of surgery (shaved Adam's apple, etc)?

How does it look like from a legal perspective? Have you managed to get your sex overturned on your birth cert/ driver's license etc?

I'm sure you've met (and will meet) with a lot of skepticism/unkindness - all I can say is, as long as you're happy, good for you, and fuck everyone else. Good luck for your future!

imfinethough196 karma

I'm much, much weaker than my former self - I'm probably weaker than my girlfriend at this point.

I take estrogen and progesterone, and an anti-androgen to block testosterone from being produced. I don't see it being problematic down the line, especially because I can stop taking the AA once I have surgery since I won't be producing testosterone anymore.

Money, and it's just not the right time - my girlfriend and I are considering kids and the easiest way to have them would be the natural way, and I'll need my equipment for that.

Everything is real, I haven't had any surgery.

I have my license updated with my new name and gender, I just have to update my SS and passport!

Thank you for the kind words :)

peeeeeeet73 karma

my girlfriend and I are considering kids and the easiest way to have them would be the natural way, and I'll need my equipment for that.

How does this work with respect to the hormones, do they not stop sperm production? Do you still, ahem, produce "enough" or would you need to back off on the hormones while you were trying for kids?

imfinethough112 karma

I'd have to stop hormones to have a chance to produce sperm again. It's not a guarantee, but it's worth the risk I think. We'd have some truly beautiful children hah.

cadaeibfeceh5 karma

I thought HRT made you sterile? Is that not true?

imfinethough17 karma

I could be sterile at this point. It's also possible that I could stop HRT and resume sperm production. It's just a roll of the dice, really.

THADDEUSJARVIS134 karma

Hey! You're very beautiful, and I'm glad you found the happiness that you were searching for.

What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?

Thanks for doing this ama!

imfinethough171 karma

I play a lot of guitar and bass, and I play a lot of Overwatch on PC! I also play tag with my kittens :) thank you so much for the kind words, and thanks for stopping by!

spm20199 karma

Ok but let's get to the really personal questions. Who do you main?

imfinethough146 karma

Tracer. I'm pretty good with her too, I reached Diamond this season.

My most played is Mei still though, because I have no soul and I like creating chaos.

everlastingwinter8 karma

Tips on getting to diamond? Stuck in platinum :'(

imfinethough46 karma

Get gud.

Jokes aside, get really good with characters that you can carry with. You need to be so good that you can compensate for your teammates not doing their jobs that well. I recommend Zarya, Tracer, Genji, and McCree for this. Roadhog is pretty decent too for it but not as good as the others I listed. I don't think playing strictly support is too smart because being an awesome healer doesn't mean much if the people you're keeping alive can't kill anyone.

Binary979 karma

pcmr?

imfinethough20 karma

PCMR.

Discarnated7 karma

Are your gaming reflexes any slower than they were before you transitioned?

imfinethough22 karma

Nope. Feel free to ask the piles of bodies I leave in my wake as I blink and rewind around Lijiang Tower.

amaranthine_alpaca95 karma

Was there a particular event that helped you realize your physical sex and gender did not match?

How did you go about telling people close to you that you were transitioning?

imfinethough256 karma

I don't think there was one definitive event that unleashed Pandora's box upon my brain, just a lot of little things - I remember being in 3rd grade in Catholic school and someone asked the teacher what people look like in heaven, and our teacher gave us the answer that was something along the lines of "you can look however you like in heaven, at any age" (we were in 3rd grade, she was not going to make it complex for us hah), and innocently I got so excited to die because at 8-9 years old, that was the only way I knew it was possible for me to become a girl. I wasn't contemplating suicide or anything, just like "wow let's get life over with, I wanna get to heaven!".

I sat them down individually and explained to them that it was something I had been feeling for a long time, and I had done extensive research on the whole thing and knew it was the right choice, and not one I was making lightly. A few of them I had told about my feelings a few years prior to deciding to transition, like my sister, best friend, and ex girlfriends.

hatesdefaultfrontpag88 karma

How has taken HRT changed the way you feel about your penis psychologically? And did you notice any changes physiologically as well?

imfinethough139 karma

Hasn't exactly changed anything psychologically...I still feel mostly indifferent about it. I mean, it still functions mostly the same and it still feels good to be stimulated, so I still use it in that regard, but it makes wearing certain clothes hard and I can't wear a bikini so I wanna get rid of it at some point.

I say it functions mostly the same because it doesn't get hard randomly anymore, and when it does get hard, it feels like it's at 75% compared to back when it was running on testosterone. It doesn't get hard enough on it's own to have penetrative sex, it still bends slightly and makes it painful to use.

bergerfred38 karma

i think i read farther up that you dont use your penis during sex with your girlfriend. if it still feels good, and you still "use it" then why not have PIV sex?

imfinethough112 karma

Mentally I'm not a huge fan of it, and it also hurts to penetrate since my penis doesn't get as hard as it used to, it kinda bends. Ever had a girl riding you and she bends it back a little too far? That's what it feels like.

sin31480 karma

First I have to say you're really pretty and I'm sorry if my question comes out a bit prudent, but if you have any experience in relationships I'd love to hear how different it is to be with someone before and after your inner self aligned with your physical self?

imfinethough131 karma

Before, it was an invisible wall between my exes and I - I was never completely there and I couldn't explain to them exactly why, until I finally did and it ended up being the end of a few of those relationships. I've always felt very submissive and cuddly and affectionate, but I never felt like I could act on those instincts because I had to be the "man" for my exes, and they liked assertive, masculine men, so I became very good at going through the motions. So now I feel truly free to be myself in a relationship and it feels much more genuine.

GreenWaffle78 karma

Have you experienced any differences in regards to your emotional state or thoughts since you started hormone therapy? Like becoming more empathetic, feeling stronger emotions etc.

imfinethough156 karma

I cry more, but I don't cry a lot still. I've always been a very empathetic person so I don't think HRT changed that or anything. As for my emotional state and thoughts, they feel very "clear" compared to how dark and murky they were before, which I assume is just because I'm on the right hormones now and it makes me happy.

tyguytheshyguy69 karma

What do you make of people who say it surely would have been easier/cheaper to psychology "cure" your body dysmorphia than to undergo intense surgery?

imfinethough196 karma

I would say they don't understand being trans/transitioning at all. One, I haven't undergone any surgery at all, let alone intense surgery - take a few pills/shot and go about my day. I also don't think that "fixing" the brain is a good idea - gender identity is so core to a person's being, their sense of self, that I'd probably come out the other side either braindead or a completely different person if someone were to try and psychologically "cure" me, and I think that's a moral and ethical gray area. I love my brain, and everything about me that makes me "me", it was just my body I was unhappy with. Now that it matches how I felt it was supposed to look in my brain, I'm happy.

Sammiesoon57 karma

Hi! You're beautiful! How old were you when you started this journey? Have you always considered yourself a women? Are you planning on going through surgery?

Thanks for allowing me to ask! Good l uck and best wishes to you!

imfinethough94 karma

I was 22 when I started, I'm 24 now. I wouldn't say I always considered myself a woman, because I didn't "allow" myself to think that - I told myself I didn't have the body of one, so I couldn't call myself one. I knew I was always a woman in my brain, though. Yes I plan on having genital surgery one day.

Thanks, hope you have a great day :)

davidemz47 karma

Can I just say you were beautiful before, during transition and you're still beautiful as a woman now! I didn't know this kind of transition existed but I'm glad it does, as a gay man I feel ashamed of being so uneducated about the trans spectrum. Probably cause I've never been in direct personal contact with one. But anyway, thanks for sharing with us and congrats on your amazing change. I just have one question. Do you still have your penis? Did it start acting any differently when you started your treatment? Does it act any differently now?

imfinethough35 karma

Thank you! I do still have it, and I covered the changes in some of my responses above, so read those over and I can elaborate further if you need me to!

stickwithplanb46 karma

When did you start to feel like you were different? Also how did you go about picking your new name? Why did you pick that one?

I work with a FtM transgender person and he goes by TJ, short for Travis something. I want to ask why he picked that but I feel like I'd be an ass. I also thought it was sort of interesting that when I shaved my face, as I usually have a full beard, he was the only person to make a remark about my jawline. I assumed it was because as a trans person he probably spent a lot of time thinking and looking at masculine traits? Is that flawed thinking?

imfinethough63 karma

About when I was 5 or 6 I noticed things were different, because I guess around that time is when you start notice more gendered things and how you're different from the opposite sex.

I picked my new name by changing the first letter of my old one because I'm a lazy fuck lmao. I didn't get to decide my old name, figured I'd just do the same with my new one and keep it as close as possible haha. My middle name I just made the feminine version.

Yeah I think trans people in general fixate on the masculine or feminine traits in other people because they're so much more of a focus for us, and also you're envious of features that you might not have or don't fully have (like smaller breasts as opposed to bigger ones or whatever).

pm-me-ur-window-view41 karma

How much has and does it cost? How do you afford it?

imfinethough81 karma

Hormones cost me like $40 a month, if that. Genital surgery runs anywhere from like $12k to $30k depending on the surgeon and location (out of pocket).

giverofnofucks304 karma

Genital surgery runs anywhere from like $12k to $30k depending on the surgeon and location (out of pocket).

I'm no doctor but I'm pretty sure the best location for genital surgery is on the genitals.

imfinethough197 karma

Lmao fuck you, you got me.

Dankydude39 karma

Hiya! So what was it like coming out to your friends and family? Did you get any negative reactions, or did they all accept it? I've always wondered if anybody is as judgemental today as they were a few years ago.

Thanks, best of luck! :)

imfinethough91 karma

My friends were all very accepting, I only lost a few of the many I have. Family on the whole was very accepting, though it took my parents a little bit to get used to it - they are both on board now. My Born-Again uncle doesn't want anything to do with me anymore and I make him "uncomfortable", but his sons and daughters accept me for the most part (I think one or two are a bit iffy). My other aunts and uncles and their families (including two other Born Again families) still love me and treat me the same and are just happy that I'm happy.

Most of the people I've met are good people and don't judge me to my face, but I've had people tell me I'm an abomination and that I should kill myself, so there's always some bad apples.

MrsIssacDarwin39 karma

Thanks for doing this AMA.

I am very interested in where you stand on this whole "separate bathrooms" debate. I am from Malta and they've only recently brought up the issue. I have to admit that I personally just don't get it. I always considered a trans woman to be a woman and took it for granted that she would use the woman's bathrooms. Is there something that I am missing? I would really appreciate it if maybe you would add a different perspective from my own.

imfinethough143 karma

You're not missing anything. Where do you think trans people have been taking a piss up until now? It's not like we'd retreat to the sewers and pop a squat next to the mole people or something lmao, it's not a huge deal...I go in and do my business, touch up my hair and face a bit and leave.

If someone is going to come into a bathroom and touch people or take videos, no law is going to prevent them from doing that. I don't understand why it's such a big deal now all of a sudden, and why people are focusing more on kids being touched in women's bathrooms but not in the Catholic Church 👀

x204036 karma

I worked at a tech company 10 years ago and was a pretty intolerant bigot being raised in a religious setting and at the end of the internship someone told me they had transitioned from female. I had been urinal to urinal with this guy and that revelation blew my little bigoted mind considering he was pretty nice and helped me out.

I think if people knew more about the people they interact with on a daily basis they'd be less bigoted. Many bigots are bigots because they never encounter what they consided the "others".

imfinethough41 karma

Yeah, I mean I encounter many people on a daily basis who would probably say they've never met a trans person before, yet little do they know...

x204013 karma

If someone said that in a non-work setting would you mention it or is it too personal? What if the person was being an ass? It'd be great to see that reaction.

imfinethough22 karma

I don't think I'd mention it, but if I was drunk I might do it if someone is being an asshole, just for the priceless reaction.

azure_optics38 karma

As a straight man, you look absolutely beautiful as a woman. My question relates to your sexuality. I see you have a girlfriend. Are you sexually attracted to men as well? If so, how did you deal with that when you were "male"? Did you think of yourself as bi or gay? Also, do/did you have disdain for your penis?

edit: Are you at work?? Tsk.

imfinethough55 karma

Thank you! I am attracted to men as well, but I didn't accept it until I transitioned - in retrospect I can see that I made excuses when I was attracted to men by telling myself that I just really respected them or admired them. I always masturbated to thoughts of having sex with men (with me as a woman) so I really should have seen it coming though...and I consider myself bi.

No disdain for it, though it gets in the way sometimes so I'm excited to one day not have it!

I'm at work but I'm still doing work!!

lubeskystalker36 karma

One horse sized penis or one hundred penis sized horses?

imfinethough148 karma

Both absolutely terrify me and my butthole just sealed itself shut.

the_contendr31 karma

What's your opinion on gender pronouns?

Do you feel secure enough in yourself to have discussions with people who might disagree with your sexuality? ( I'm not one of those people BTW). Have you had run ins with super religious people?

imfinethough99 karma

I think that if you know someone prefers a certain pronoun, you should refer to them by it because it doesn't really hurt you to do so. If you don't know what someone prefers, just call them by how they're presenting and hopefully, they'll politely correct you if they want something different.

I realize that this next comment will probably get me some shit from the trans community, and I have the presence of mind to recognize my own short comings as things I can and should work on, but I don't really get neutral pronouns. I mean, in theory I understand why they would want them to be used, and I don't mind using them for those interactions, but I generally don't want to be friends with those kinds of people, I dunno...it just seems like too much effort and more of an inconvenience and I'll probably forget to use the neutral pronouns all of the time and offend them when I don't mean to. At least with male and female pronouns, I can just call people by what I see, which I do out of habit anyway, that's what everyone does. Everyone refers to me as she because that's how I appear to them, it's very easy.

I do feel secure enough, and I've had some discussions with people who don't necessarily agree (my dad's side of the family is largely Roman Catholic, Irish, republican, conservative, and a lot of them are in the military - a few of my dad's brothers are Born Again as well) with my "choice" as they call it, but I just kind of smile and nod and then move on and forget about them.

AnomalousAvocado30 karma

Looks like you weren't all that hairy as a guy (just the little happy trail), but did you have to use any permanent hair removal methods for beard/body hair or did hormones alone stop them from growing?

imfinethough88 karma

I was just a bit trimmed down for that photo - I definitely had quite the beard. My legs also looked like my beard had migrated onto them, it took me over two hours to shave them for the first time (I'll see if I can find the pictures). I used permanent hair removal for the beard, but HRT turned my body hair vellous and kept it from growing in as dark and thick (thank goodness).

AnomalousAvocado24 karma

What permanent hair removal? Electrolysis? Was it expensive? How long did it take? (I am not actually trans but still interested in some hair removal so that's why I'm wondering)

So for body hair you just let it be or you shave/wax what's left now?

imfinethough40 karma

I've had 5 or 6 sessions of laser, and 2 sessions of electrolysis - both at a discount because a family friend runs his own business. I haven't needed many sessions because my skin is very fair and my hair is super dark, making it easy for the lasers to get most of it. I shave whatever's left, which isn't much at all.

thegirlinpajamas30 karma

What were your concerns before transitioning? What/Who gave you courage to let you decide to proceed with the transitioning?

imfinethough80 karma

I was concerned that I wouldn't "pass" and that people wouldn't treat me well because of that, and that I might not be pretty. After a lot of thinking I concluded that I'd rather be an ugly woman than an attractive man, because at least I'd be happy with my body, so I took the plunge. I won't name names or anything, but there were a few trans women whose timelines I saw on Reddit and tumblr that were so beautiful and happy that I just knew I had to at least try and see if I might find the same on the other side. Fortunately for me, I'd say that I did.

kpatrickII8 karma

When did you start HRT, if you don't mind me asking? I kind of struggle with gender dysphoria, but I've read if you start too late it's not worth it.

imfinethough19 karma

I started at 22, when puberty is for the most part "done". I'm sure some people would say I started too late, but I don't think I did!

funkseoulbrotha23 karma

I think a lot of us would be curious to what your voice sounds like. Can we hear your voice?

imfinethough62 karma

Yep! I actually have a video that I made for my cousin the other night because she works in speech pathology, so I redownloaded it from where I sent it to her - I'm sorry for the watered down video quality, but the sound is totally clear! https://vid.me/LJz5

improbablewobble40 karma

100% would never occur to me that you had transitioned MTF. You look and sound great!

imfinethough23 karma

Thank you! That's what I was going for :P

sunshineandskulls19 karma

you have such a lovely voice! way more feminine than mine

thanks for doing this ama - it's been such a pleasant read :)

imfinethough14 karma

Come back later for more responses, I'll be done work soon and can really dig into some of the bigger questions! I'd did not anticipate this kind of reaction/attention, I honestly thought it would get removed...

memesandreams23 karma

What's changed in the way people treat you? What has remained the same?

imfinethough15 karma

Changed - I covered that a bit elsewhere in my other answers

The same - well, for the people who knew me before, they don't treat me differently at all which I'm very thankful for. Honestly I feel like the big part of my interactions with people has stayed the same because my personality has stayed the same. I've always had a slightly upbeat, flirtatious personality, which most people respond well to.

ponytatoronto22 karma

Is it accurate to say that transgender people have the brain of one gender by the body of another?

imfinethough53 karma

I don't know how accurate that is because I'm not a scientist or a doctor, but metaphorically, that's the best way to explain it in my opinion.

pm-me-ur-window-view22 karma

Does your hormone therapy include experiencing what it is like to have a monthly period as a woman? Do you want it to?

imfinethough66 karma

In a way yes, because I take my estrogen shot in cycles and it slightly affects my mood and energy because of that, but I don't get the cramping and stuff that typically comes along with a period, so it's not totally the same. I do wish that I would get a regular period because it would mean that I could have children, but that's not a possibility at this point in time so I just have to accept that and not think about it too much.

nagadabaja21 karma

Are you still attracted to women? How did your friends/family/SO respond to your decision?

imfinethough33 karma

Yes I am, and I answered about my family and friends in another post - the short of it is that most of them were very accepting and got with the program, but there's a few stragglers in my family still.

nagadabaja18 karma

Are there any perks to being a woman, that were not there when you were a man?

imfinethough37 karma

I'll be blunt and say that I probably get away with shit more that I might not otherwise

typeswithgenitals17 karma

How are you?

imfinethough34 karma

I'm doing alright - on my break at work, it's super slow because it's Sunday which is the only reason I have time to answer these questions haha. How are you, u/typeswithgenitals ?

typeswithgenitals17 karma

Glad to hear you're good. I'm using my time off to rest and recuperate. Glad work is slow!

imfinethough17 karma

Rest and recuperate? Just a tough work week or getting over a sickness, etc?

typeswithgenitals13 karma

First week off in a year. Been pretty constant craziness the whole time

imfinethough20 karma

Damn, hope you're doing something fun to celebrate! I'm having my first vacation in two years next week, I'm going to Blizzcon!

Bhilokpa16 karma

Thank you for this candid ama. My question is not one I'd ask in any other context I can think of:

How has your masturbation technique and habit changed since your transitioning?

imfinethough19 karma

Vibrators are magic. I use a magic wand these days.

batsdx15 karma

Transitioned? Do you ever miss being able to pee standing up?

imfinethough54 karma

I wouldn't say I miss it but it was very convenient - if I'm really drunk at home sometimes I'll still do it, ain't nobody got time for sitting down when the seal is broken

spaceship-earth15 karma

Are you sexually attracted to men or women?

imfinethough32 karma

Both

AceOf8614 karma

Do you ever fear that you will regret your transition?

imfinethough58 karma

Not really, no. It's the best decision I ever made. I've known ever since I was maybe 5-6 years old that something was off, and I was jealous of girls my age - I wanted to wear dresses and grow out my hair but I didn't see any other boys doing those things so I knew that it was "wrong", even though no one explicitly told me so. So I just hid it for a long time, though it never went away.

I was so depressed and felt like a shell of a person because I knew I was living in the wrong body - it was never about my sexuality, I just looked down and knew that I should have breasts and hips instead of the flat muscular body I saw in the mirror. I spent many nights in college drinking myself to sleep and there was about a month or so where I was coming home and drinking straight vodka every single night.

I don't do that anymore. I am so, SO much happier than I thought was humanly possible. I go out and be social with my friends instead of staying cooped up in my room, hating myself. I participate with my family during family events and I have a closer relationship with my parents than I ever did before. I actually care about the clothes I wear now instead of throwing on the first thing I grab from the dresser. I'm actually able to maintain a relationship now, and I've been with my partner for two years now.

I can't see myself ever going back to my "old" life, there's nothing there for me.

JDMcWombat12 karma

Has the HRT affected your penis size? (Unless you've already surgically removed it)

imfinethough36 karma

It shrunk a bit and my testicles shrunk a LOT.

Ashleytobe8 karma

It is really powerful that you decided to do this AMA, What made you want to do it?

PS. Great transition, It looks like we started transitioning at the same time and same age, so its awesome seeing how people with similar situations are doing!

imfinethough16 karma

I wanted to make it easier on people like my younger trans cousin. If I can educate a lot of people on what it really means to be trans, maybe they won't have to go through the years of depression that I did.

ShlomoIsGod7 karma

How were you such a cute boy and now you're such a cute girl?

imfinethough12 karma

Pretty much luck of the draw, I ain't complaining.

that_is_so_Raven7 karma

What are your thoughts on Breaking Bad? Is it really the greatest TV show of all time?

imfinethough23 karma

Don't crucify me, but I watched the first season and wasn't really impressed so I stopped watching it :( My favorite show of all time is Friday Night Lights, I don't know what I'd consider the greatest - maybe Twilight Zone? It was so ahead of its time.

DarkSideCubes7 karma

Does HRT preclude the need for any surgical treatment?

imfinethough22 karma

Depending on how young or old you are when you start, yes, aside from genital surgery - taking a few pills is not going to turn a penis into a vagina haha. But I haven't had any surgery so far and you can see that my body looks way more feminine than it did before. Some people might elect to have surgery to make their face more feminine, or breast augmentation if they aren't happy with their breast size after they're done growing, but I don't think I need either of these things.

The younger you start HRT, the less effects of the "wrong" puberty you'll undergo - for trans guys, it'll keep them from developing feminine hips for example, and for trans women it could keep their voice from deepening or facial hair from growing.

shiftyasiankid13 karma

Your mention of not being happy with breast size after they're done growing triggered a question, but I don't know if you'll know the answer. Breast size varies among females, is it the same with males transitioning to female? Does the amount of estrogen dosage you take affect that?

imfinethough19 karma

It varies just the same, it's entirely up to genetics and not estrogen dosage. My mom and sister both have big boobs for their frames though so I'm expecting similar results when all is said and done.

Lunacie1 karma

Am I crazy or did you use to go by u/vacancie or something?

imfinethough2 karma

👀

mic_hall-6 karma

Don't you think that the actions like yours make it less likely by the society to accept different social roles of genders? If we make transgender processes more acceptable (and easier to implement) than simply changing your social role in accordance with your inner needs without medical interventions ... then we risk that the society is more divided at the gender (or sexes) line.

imfinethough2 karma

I'll be honest, I don't really care about society's view of it or where I fit in to the gender/social roles conversation - I did this strictly for my own happiness, and my own well being, I didn't do it for anyone else or to make a statement.

giveitago-10 karma

You cut your duck off dude, for serious? How do you know you don't just have a complicated amputation fetish?

imfinethough1 karma

1) I didn't cut my dick off, 2) you don't "cut your dick off" when you get genital surgery, the simplest way to describe the process is that you're inverting it, 3) I don't want anything amputated

Deepfriedlogic-11 karma

Do you use your old penis as a dildo?

imfinethough10 karma

No, because for now I still have it, but I've considered it for the future when I finally have that surgery.