Comments: 2303 • Responses: 61  • Date: 

idrumwithnohands2205 karma

I want to make a Remake of Britney Spears's music video "I'm a Slave 4 U" but replace Britney with Zach Galifianakis, and all the dancers with You, Louis CK, Jonah Hill, Kevin James and Jack Black.

How interested would you be in doing this?

EDIT: Wow, my most upvoted comment. I doubt I'll be able to deliver, but I'll sure as hell try.

IAmPattonOswalt2390 karma

Why are we still talking? I'm on my way over.

FuckNug1297 karma

Did the King of Queens cast/crew know you were going to not move at all in this scene?

IAmPattonOswalt1527 karma

I think that might have come from a bet/dare with the writers or producers. There was such a huge stoner contingent amongst the writers and producers on that show. My "motionless" scene is just one of the many oddities hidden in episodes. Listen for the word "Yuspa" and the phrase "Hey, Eddie!" when you're watching re-runs. They appear with alarming frequency.

IAmPattonOswalt1005 karma

Okay guys, that's it. Thanks for all of your questions. This was fun and lively. I like typing!

courtachino840 karma

So how awesome was it that Adam Savage (from Mythbusters) built you a Doc Ock costume? I have seen the pictures and it looks so damn cool! Do you still have the costume? Admit it, you still wear it even though it's not Halloween ;)

IAmPattonOswalt1478 karma

It was ridiculously nice of him to do that. I gave it to The House of Secrets comic book store on Olive Avenue in Burbank. Stop by and marvel at it sometime...

kippersandtoast671 karma

You were the best guest star on Dollhouse. Do you have plans to work with Joss again?

IAmPattonOswalt1828 karma

If Downey doesn't do AVENGERS 2, and Joss can explain a sudden Tony Stark weight gain, I'm in line for the Iron Man part after Jonah Hill, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Will Sasso, Bobby Moynihan, Rick Ross and Paul Giamatti turn it down. Fingers crossed!

dakdia648 karma

When you were a kid, did you have many funny friends or were you the "funny guy" in your group?

IAmPattonOswalt1244 karma

I had a whole circle of comedy nerd friends. And thankfully -- and this is true today -- I was nowhere near the funniest guy in my group. Made me try harder. Still does today. All of my friends are funnier than me.

satoriko549 karma

Patton, you've helped give me a different point of view on depression, and laugh when shit got serious. How's your headspace these days?

IAmPattonOswalt2005 karma

It's good, but I know the blues are always lurking. It's my job to stop 'em from darkening into blacks. Yours, too, if you've got it. It's workable, and once you realize it's a visitor that comes around every now and then, and you can wink at it and welcome it before you send it away for awhile? You'll be okay.

SwellsInMoisture523 karma

One thing I like about you is that you're always trying to bring new, aspiring comics to the public's eye. Who are some of the comics we don't know and should be YouTubing right now?

IAmPattonOswalt1220 karma

Emily Heller, Beth Stelling, Dominic Dierkes, Eliza Skinner, Brooks Wheelan, Whitmer Thomas, Eric Dadourian, Jake Weisman, Dave Ross, Paul Danke, Shelby Fero, Ronald Funches, Hampton Yount, Joseph Ocon, Pedro Salinas, Will Weldon and Chris Thayer

gargamelbrooks491 karma

Is there anything you stopped caring about in the last few years that has surprised you?

IAmPattonOswalt1287 karma

I care less and less about music and films that I hate. In that, I don't listen to them instead of wasting energy telling people that I think they suck. And, along with that, I've cared less and less what people think about me. There's nearly 7 billion people on this planet -- not all of them are going to like you. So the fear of not being universally loved has faded the more aware I become of the numbers.

Rob_Saget433 karma

Thank you so much for all the laughs over the years and this AMA!

  • What inspired the ad-lib on Parks and Rec about Star Wars?
  • Of all the many comedians you have worked with and been around, which have made you laugh the hardest?
  • Any plans for a second Ratatouille?
  • Would you be interested in coming on my podcast to talk about Star Wars and nerd culture?

Thanks again for the AMA and look forward to your responses!

IAmPattonOswalt1140 karma

  1. The PARKS AND REC ad-lib was my terror at them never calling "cut."

  2. In terms of gut-blasting laughs, Todd Glass.

  3. I'll be the last to know if it happens.

  4. No.

marcellnation395 karma

Hi Patton, thanks for coming to do an AMA.

Do you get nervous before shows even after all these years of performing?

IAmPattonOswalt739 karma

Yep. Every time. The day I stop being nervous is the day I get boring.

East_Threadly285 karma

Hey Patton, big fan here. My question is, whose body is going to give out first: yours or Brian Posehn's? (I cant spell that)

IAmPattonOswalt971 karma

Brian's gave out in 1994. His head is sitting on a coal-powered, Mark VII Mobility Walker. If you press his elbow, his left tit expenses Orange Fanta. Try it the next time you see him.

Ohmydarlintangerine284 karma

I just wanted to thank you for your comedy. Every time we moved state (I'm a government brat who grew up in Ashburn, VA) my mom and I would listen to one of your albums. "The Miracle of Childbirth" made us pull over until we were done laughing. Following your work and insight on current events has made me a more confident and outspoken person. I get eye rolls from time to time, but as a 6'2" lady and now a teacher, I know I am a better person for learning to stand tall, be proud of my comic collection, and speak my mind.

IAmPattonOswalt355 karma

Aw, thanks! I was a Marine brat growing up, so I know what it's like to land in a new town every few years.

Memphish_Boognish271 karma

Patton, I have loved all of your appearances on the Comedy Bang Bang podcast (especially the ones with Dom Dimello and iBrain) and was wondering if you had any plans to make another appearance anytime soon

IAmPattonOswalt312 karma

As soon as my schedule allows. This past year has been gloriously, maddeningly, exhaustingly busy for me. There's a long list of podcasts I love that, once my days clear up, I'll be popping up on.

unoriginaljames240 karma

What book or comic book series do you think everyone should read?

IAmPattonOswalt623 karma

Michael K. Vaughn's SAGA. I'm genuinely envious of and pissed any anyone who gets to read it for the first time. I'm all caught up and have to wait month to month. I GET TO LIVE OUT MY LIFE LIKE A SCHNOOK.

unoriginaljames234 karma

What has been your favorite guest starring role?

IAmPattonOswalt709 karma

Well, Constable Bob on JUSTIFIED was the most brutal and exhausting, but ultimately rewarding. Garth Blundin on PARKS AND REC was flat-out the most fun. The hardest to play -- and the most satisfying when I somehow managed to pull it off -- was Joel Mynor on DOLLHOUSE. Joss gave me some amazing dialogue to play, and when you're handed Glengarry leads like that, it's all on you if you blow it.

daybreaker220 karma

I saw you interview Bruce Campbell in San Fran a few months ago. It looked like you were having a fun time and it was amazing. How has it been working with Bruce and the Burn Notice gang? Any fun on-set stories from your episodes?

IAmPattonOswalt429 karma

Amazing. If Florida hadn't been a non-stop steam bath that smelled like a zombie's taint, it would've been perfect. But all of them, Bruce, Jeffery, Gabrielle and especially Coby? Fantastic. I only got to meet Sharon Gless for like two second and she was terrific, too. Also, Coby has a song about the heat in Ocala that had me on the floor. It's also unprintable.

stilkon189 karma

Hey Patton, I love your work, and thanks for doing this.

In a couple pieces of aforementioned work, you've hinted at meeting Bill Hicks. I was just wondering if you had any notable encounters with him, and if you ever happened to open for him. Thanks in advance!

IAmPattonOswalt369 karma

I opened for him a few times. He was polite and pleasant but not overly chummy. The one thing he said, specifically to me, was, "You gotta walk 'em to the edge, Patton."

HeyZeusCreaseToast158 karma

I really love Ratatouille, but it always makes me really hungry when I watch it...any suggestions on how to combat this problem?

IAmPattonOswalt641 karma

Eat something when it's done. You're welcome.

cubosh142 karma

would you want to be a court jester back in court jester days? because when you get real excited during your act, you sometimes sound like one. this is a good thing. renaissance man.

IAmPattonOswalt392 karma

Hell no. Didn't they get murdered, like, constantly?

Ifriendzonecats140 karma

What's the one question you never want to be asked again (it's been asked too many times/or every time someone asks you it just pisses you off)?

IAmPattonOswalt275 karma

"What are your favorite/least favorite bits you do?" "What's it like being a comedian?" And, the granddaddy of them all, and this is asked by every print interviewer, "What can the audience expect from tomorrow night's show?"

_vargas_130 karma

Back in your wedding DJ days, what were your favorite/least favorite songs to play?

IAmPattonOswalt416 karma

i hated hated HATED that "Almost Paradise" duet between Mike Reno and Ann Wilson. I liked playing Dion's "Runaround Sue" because it's a sunny, danceable song about a sociopathic pussy hound.

PhillyCheeseBlunt129 karma

My brother recently began working with HotHouse Productions, and you were kind enough to pose for a picture with him while you were there filming a project. I'm curious what that project was, if you wouldn't mind telling us a little bit about it.

p.s. I thought your Parks & Rec filibuster was the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. Thanks for being so great, I love your socio-political commentary on FB as well.

IAmPattonOswalt170 karma

Oooh! I can't say what this is yet. It'll be announced soon. All I'll say is I'm VERY VERY VERY excited about it.

ClockworkTony126 karma

First off, thank you for doing this AMA. I'm a huge fan of yours. I love your comedy and your commentary on politics and pop culture. I had the chance to see you last year in San Diego in Spreckels Theatre with two friends, both of whom had never heard of you and only went based on my recommendation. They loved the show and when I told them you were taping an album in San Diego they were ecstatic to go.

Onto my question, any chance for a second book? Zombie Spaceship Wasteland is a great pick-me-up whenever I'm in a rut.

Can't wait for July 20th! Thank you for being a bubble of sanity in this messed up world of ours.

IAmPattonOswalt235 karma

I'm finishing up my second book right now. It's a memoir of my time in L.A. between 1995 through 1999, when The Largo was ascendent, the internet was in its infancy, and I was an OCD film fiend trying to figure out how to segue form doing comedy to directing films. Pipe dream as fever dream.

fartmasterzero115 karma

What was the worst podcast experience you ever had?

IAmPattonOswalt249 karma

I gotta say, every podcast I've done has been great. It's radio that tends to be a huge bummer.

icetgoatee114 karma

You described your love scene in Young Adult as "a nightmare". With the benefit of hindsight, do you have any fondness looking back on that particular experience?

IAmPattonOswalt213 karma

The whole movie was amazing. What was so scary about that scene wasn't so much the nudity, but the fact that it's the only time in the movie where we're not speaking with each other. Do we even exist as a couple -- as friends and lovers -- if we're not pissing on the world? That's where the nervousness of the scene comes from.

whywontyoowork114 karma

What's your favorite scotch/region?

Also, when is Rape Stove coming? Did you get stuck on the script?

IAmPattonOswalt144 karma

I don't know regions. My two favorites are currently Auchentoshen, from Glasgow, and the late, lamented McCarthy's, from the Clear Creek Distillery in Portland Oregon. McCarthy's, alas, is only available on eBay.

MikeyWhoa108 karma

Just recently finished re-watching the Mr. Show series. Was again riveted by your powerful performance of Famous Mortimer.

Which Mr. Show skit would you say is your favorite?

IAmPattonOswalt249 karma

"The Audition", hands down.

unoriginaljames106 karma

Who were the most influential comics that impacted your career?

IAmPattonOswalt225 karma

Before I started: Winters, Pryor, Carlin, Martin. After I started: All of my comedian friends.

larsao3102 karma

You were a great replacement for Kevin on Babble-On! May that happen again sometime soon?

IAmPattonOswalt125 karma

We're working on it!

JenzelWashington86 karma

Hi Patton, what's your favorite videogame if you play them at all?

IAmPattonOswalt350 karma

I don't play videogames. Not anymore. I had an Xbox, Game Cube and PS2 back in the day, and after I lost 4 days playing LUIGI'S MANSION, I knew not to stick the GTA or HALO needles in.

hitokiro75 karma

Long time fan here. Thanks for answering questions!

When I was first listening to Finest Hour when it was released, I noticed that after your "Dr. Suess on an angry pussy hunt" punchline, you told the audience to "strap in". This stood out to me as I recall you saying ealier in your stand up career that whenever a comedian tells you to strap in, or that they're dangerous, that the next material is inevitably about how dogs are different than cats.

Do you find that topics you covered when you were younger, or attitudes you had about comedy, have changed a lot as you've gotten older? Aside from the fact that you once described a trail of comic books leading into your wife's vagina as a trap to get her pregnant, and now have a daughter, what are the most significant differences in your comedic world view that you can think of?

Once again, thanks so much for: all the albums, the graduation speech you posted online, Comedians of Comedy, your parks and rec star wars rant, etc.

IAmPattonOswalt170 karma

I said "strap in" specifically as a mocking reference to that earlier statement.

And of course the topics I covered when I was younger change as I get older, because the experiences I have change. Nothing's sadder than a mid-40's comedian going over the same confused, angry ground he trod as a 20 year-old.

Micro_fin73 karma

"Some of the water in this pool was probably part of our snow fort," says Mike. But we're playing Shark Hunters now, and I don't understand what he's trying to say until much later in my life.

^ Could you explain this paragraph from Zombie Spaceship Wasteland? I've listened to this chapter on Audiobook several times and I never felt like I never quite understood what Mike is trying to say.

IAmPattonOswalt181 karma

I meant it as the beginning of realizing that memory and matter are connected, and had it rendered inarticulately through the mouth of a friend of mine who's so damaged by his parent's divorce that, even in beginning to realize it, he's repelled by it and turning away from the knowledge. The reason I understand it "much later in my life" is because that, while my childhood is much less traumatic than his, I don't realize some of the harsher lessons 'til I'm older but, unlike him, the time lag gives me the wisdom to accept it without it hurting me.

yobetabitch71 karma

What's your favorite city to just walk around in? Why?

IAmPattonOswalt225 karma

Providence, Rhode Island is a great walking city. Probably 'cause I'm such a Lovecraft fan. You can catch the inspiration in the bricks and sidewalks.

IAmPattonOswalt192 karma

Providence, Rhode Island is a great walking city. Probably 'cause I'm such a Lovecraft fan. You can catch the inspiration in the bricks and sidewalks.

VictorBlimpmuscle70 karma

Hello Patton, great to see you do this AMA, thanks for it.

My question is - is there a TV show currently airing that you have not appeared on that you like enough that you would want to be part of? How about TV show from the past?

IAmPattonOswalt203 karma

There are so many amazing shows on TV right now. TV is more exciting that movies right now, in my opinion. Definitely VEEP and GIRLS. Also HANNIBAL. Maybe I could be an annoying haberdasher that Lecter turns into spats.

JeanRalfio62 karma

If you could be the villain in any superhero movie who would you be.

PS loved the Doc Ock cosplay with your kid

IAmPattonOswalt148 karma

I actually think Doc Ock would be fun to play, but so would The Penguin (if he were played as a club owner who was working Batman and Batman's rogue's gallery to his own advantage). Also Perry from ELEKTRA: ASSASSIN would be amazing. Oh, and The Owl from Daredevil.

lwaynehicks58 karma

How do you pick the artists to produce your wonderfully inventive concert posters? Do you use the same people over and over?

IAmPattonOswalt98 karma

There are certain people, like Mike Holmes and Keegan Wenkman, that tend to use a lot. But I'm always looking new talent and, thanks to the magic of the internet, they tend to find me!

Micro_fin58 karma

What is your favorite heckler memory?

IAmPattonOswalt229 karma

I actually don't have any. That's the ultimate tragedy for the heckler -- and so few realize it. Us comedians have had so much experience in dealing with hecklers that we can do it while pretty much shutting down our present awareness. It's a foregone conclusion that we're going to win, shut it down, and get the show back on track. Any heckler who walks away from the club, chest puffed, thinking they "helped" the show and made it memorable? I wonder how they'd feel if they knew that 99% of comedians immediately forget about them the second they're dealt with. I wish clubs would give out free T-shirts to hecklers that said, "I'm not even a blip!"

BumblingOtter51 karma

Thank you very much for spending some of your time to do this for us.

I know you've recently gotten caught up in some issue about being offended, and I won't ask you about that particular incident, but my question would be: Do you think the threshold for being offended by stand up comics in America is lowering and will continue to get even more frequent, or will the ability of comics to build their own audience themselves help calm this as time goes on by people being able to avoid those that offend them?

Thanks again and I hope NYC isn't being too hellish while you're there.

IAmPattonOswalt137 karma

The threshold for being offended hasn't been lowered. It's just that more people have access to a public forum where they can express their ire. They were always out there, but now everyone has the microphone and the guillotine. Neither side is necessarily wrong, either. The pendulum is going to have to swoop back and forth for awhile, and whomever's left hanging on will decide the way forward.

s46050 karma

How much of the story about you and your wife interrupting an orgy is true, and how much is artistic license?

Thanks for doing an AMA, huge fan!

IAmPattonOswalt89 karma

That happened exactly as I described it. I'm not exaggerating -- no embellishment. It was awful.

ImRichieDagger46 karma

Has your opinion on DC Comics changed any since they tried to force a new 52 survey on you?

IAmPattonOswalt77 karma


tothegabe46 karma

Who are your dream casting choices for Hoke Moseley, Fletch, and Travis McGee?

IAmPattonOswalt80 karma

Oooh, nice. Well, I loved Fred Ward as Hoke, but then I read that Willeford always pictured him as Harry Dean Stanton. Wouldn't Bryan Cranston make a great Hoke?

For Fletch? In the books he's such a lady magnet. He's also very relaxed, funny and borderline amoral. Maybe Ryan Gosling?

Travis McGee has to be a big bruiser, but a bruiser who's good at hiding his ferocity by seeming clumsy and awkward, which is a strategy McGee uses in a lot of the books. Maybe. Hmm. I gotta think about that one. Ex-football player type. Street fighter.

danielsan170144 karma

Any advice for a huge fan of stand-up who doesn't know where to start writing his own material? I always wanted to be a stand-up (or thought I did), but got into improv when I felt I didn't know what to write. I now have years of stage time & comedy experience via improv, but still feel like I wouldn't know where to start with writing stand-up material.

IAmPattonOswalt123 karma

Go onstage. And then do it again. And then do it again. Over and over again. That's the only way it works.

reverendsteveii44 karma

The Heart She Holler was one of my favorite works of yours. Any chance of doing any more work with PFFR, with adult swim, or in generally more experimental TV?

IAmPattonOswalt77 karma

Well, we just shot 14 new episodes of THE HEART, SHE HOLLER. Stay tuned...

Devdogg42 karma

How much of your Star Wars filibuster in Parks And Rec did you think of beforehand, and do you have more of it that didn't get filmed?

IAmPattonOswalt93 karma

You saw the whole magilla, boss.

dirtymoney42 karma

hey Patton, I think I once saw you do a bit about living in the south and doing a special half-wide stance move in public to unstick your hot balls from the side of your leg.

My friends dont believe me and I cannot find ANYTHING online about it. Am I correct that you did this bit? I need to know. Its been something that has been driving me nuts for years.

IAmPattonOswalt67 karma

I think I riffed that for a few nights in Atlanta, but it ended up being kind of boring for me to do, and I didn't add it to the repertoire.

saintgutsfree36 karma

What are some bands you have been listening to recently?

IAmPattonOswalt93 karma

I've been on a huge The Coup jag, of late. Just listening to everything, from KILL MY LANDLORD to SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. Great stuff to write to. Listen to "We've Got A Lot to Teach You, Cassius Green", and imagine Paul Thomas Anderson filming it.

leperaffinity5635 karma

Hey Patton, (insert generic compliment here!)

What's the most starstruck you've been since becoming a fairly famous comedian, and are there any other rising comedians out there we, the public, should keep an eye out for?

Also, what's your honest opinion of Obama. I know you were stoked when he was elected (we all were),but has that changed any?

Oh, and you do, indeed, rule.

IAmPattonOswalt113 karma

I've been reduced to nervous silence around people like Neil Gaiman, Carl Gottlieb and Shane Black. It's always more thrilling to be close to the Source.

Obama is difficult for me. He's done some stuff I am seriously unhappy with. Now I know what 2-time Bush voters meant when they said, "But he's my guy." When a leader you endorsed stumbles and errs, you want to get behind them harder, partially to put them back on the right track. So that's what I'm hoping for -- and AGITATING FOR -- Obama to do. We'll see.

lairdhenn34 karma

I've found so many great books through your recommendations, do you have any recent ones?

IAmPattonOswalt88 karma

The upcoming ASSAULT ON SUNRISE by Michael Shea is incredible. Mary McClane's I AWAIT THE DEVIL'S COMING, which came out last year from the Neversink Library, is a mind-cracker. It's basically the diary of a bisexual, rebellious, punk-rock aesthetic teenage girl -- written in Butte, Montana in 1902. Truly, a time-displaced rarity in a cold, cruel landscape. Required reading.

iamkoloss33 karma

PATTON!! Who is the biggest piece of shit currently alive, in your opinion?

IAmPattonOswalt163 karma

Crapling V. Turdsworth, IV

Rockabillyjay32 karma

Hi Patton..who are your favorite people on Twitter?

IAmPattonOswalt50 karma

Sean Tejaratchi (@ShittingtonUK), Shelby Fero (@shelbyfero) and Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene)

stuman8925 karma

What specifically are you doing these days? How can we best keep up with you and your work?

IAmPattonOswalt42 karma

My website --, my Facebook fan page, and my Twitter. I always give plenty of notice of everything coming up, I promise.

RAPE_CH0KE21 karma

Are you ever going to go on the Joe Rogan podcast, or are you scared of Joe?

It's been over a year since you had to "reschedule".

IAmPattonOswalt40 karma

We've been trying to schedule that for a year. We're jinxed. It will happen.

dtouger19 karma

DO you like doing standup or tv shws more?

IAmPattonOswalt28 karma

They're so different there's no comparison. I like 'em both equally.

saltytrey19 karma

Have you thought about voicing a guest spot on the Venture Brothers? I can see a scene with Henchman 21 discussing various comic book crossover scenarios at various levels of Nerd Rage.

IAmPattonOswalt73 karma

You mean, another one after the one I already did?

MrRiesling19 karma

Whop are your favourite clean comics?

IAmPattonOswalt70 karma

"Clean" and "dirty" comics are meaningless categories. All that matters is "funny." Louis CK is just as brilliant as Brian Regan.

kozmund13 karma

Is it strange that I conceptualize the career progression of a comedian's material in the same way I think about The Letters of Thomas Jefferson, The Fear and Loathing Letters, the unedited Thoreau journals, or Twain's autobiography? In contrast I think the closest thing to how comedians tend to do things is Kafka burning the vast majority of every creative work he had created before he died.

How frequently do you record your sets and retain the recordings? How much do you weigh curating the material you release as a fully formed piece versus leaving behind a complete record for future academics, comedians, and nerds?

(p.s. I've been cheering for you since 1996, and am incredibly happy that you've found the dramatic, creative, and commercial success that you have. That's the briefest fan statement I can make.)

IAmPattonOswalt34 karma

Ugh. The idea of spending time "curating" the enormity of my past recorded sets, rather than working on new stuff and moving forward, is abhorrent to me. Why tinker with the past when you can revel in the present, and conceive and execute the future?

saintgutsfree10 karma

So I've seen you do random things and have grown to love your stand-up as well. I think you talked about it on some special, but how was it trying to adjust to being a children's character and acting appropriate for those events when you are usually much more crude? Cause I'm sure being Remy has changed the way you live somehow.

IAmPattonOswalt20 karma

Well, Remy was scripted by Brad Bird. It wasn't like they told me to voice him and "watch my language." I was an actor, very fortunate to be hired to perform that role. It was no trouble at all, in the end.

thatldopig8 karma

What would Ulvaak say about your making it as a lovable and talented nerd?

IAmPattonOswalt16 karma

Something in Orcish that involved the words "flaying" and "hilt."

jcook74 karma

Hi. My dream is to become a stand up comedian. What advice would you have?

IAmPattonOswalt8 karma

Go onstage. A lot.