IAmA 26M from Fiji spending the next few days in an Indian hospital as I've just donated a kidney to my father. AMA whilst I recover.

Hows your father doing?

It's been 2 days since surgery, and I haven't seen him since. As a donor, my recovery is speedier, and I've only spent a day in ICU. My father on the other hand hasn't come out of ICU yet. I honestly don't know how he's doing, but I hope he's recovering well and that his body is not rejecting my kidney. Updates to follow.

Are the doctors unable to update you on his progress?

He's in a private and isolated ICU. I just asked the doctors for an update and I'm glad to say he's recovering without any problems.

It might be another day or two before tie allowed to see him since his immune system is quite suppressed at the moment.

Quite true.

How is your father doing and how is the prognosis ?

Also, Good on you for saving your father.

And Congratulations to your father for having such a great son!.

Hope you both live a happy, healthy and long life.

• (From your Indian cousin :-).

Haven't heard from the doctors regarding my father as of yet. I can only hope that he's recovering well in ICU. Hopefully I'll get to see him before I get discharged. Thanks so much for your kind words.

How you doing?

When I woke up, it hurt like hell.. But my recovery is going well. I'm beginning to breath better and I'm starting to walk around, albeit a little sore.

The more you walk the faster you'll heal. It's a bitch to get in and out of bed and chairs but it gets the anasthetic out of your system faster and the blood circulating will help you heal better.

Yeah I've had these things wrapped around my legs to help circulate the blood. It is a bitch to get in and out of the bed but it's getting more and more bearable the more I exercise.

..............soooooo....What do they eat in terms of "fast food" as a staple in Fiji? Anything I can find in Canada?

Although Taro and corned beef is a good drunk food, McDonald's and Burger King is what we have

How do you cook the taro? Boil then mash?

Just boil and eat lmao

I freaking love that stuff! My bf is Fijian and I'm Indian. You guys have the best freaking curries and pulao.

Lol I know the curries in Fiji are so much better than curries anywhere else! Preach it sistahh!! Hahah

Duck curry mmmmm :))

Hahaha what even is "butter chicken"? A good duck curry is the perfect chaser.

Or make chips

Bruh. My family is from PNG Taro and corned beef is the fucking beeeest. Like I'll kill a man for some Ox and Palm.

Hahahaha Ox and Palm is gold!

Taro and corned beef

Am in NZ please tell me this facination with taro. I keep hearing it's poisoness!

Lmao it's not poisonous. It just makes your throat itchy if you eat it raw or uncooked.

You are an awesome human being, in order to make this a question...Do you have a favourite memory of your father from growing up? Or something you would never let him forget?

Thank you for your kind words!! My father is a hydrographic surveyor. He owned a big boat and he'd map the sea floor for possible oil wells, shipping routes and shipwrecks etc. My favorite memories with my father are being with him exploring the South Pacific Ocean with CCR playing on the radio. And diving together when we discovered shipwrecks.

That sounds so cool. You had the best 'take your kid to work' days ever.

Hahah I truly did. Thanks!

What kind of side effects will you go through?

According to my doctor, transplant specialist and the nephrologist, after two weeks I will be back to normal and can go ahead with life as normal. I just need to quit smoking and not become an alcoholic.

You didn’t have to quit smoking first? (No judgement, just curious.)

Actually I did have to quit before surgery, and I did. Now I just hope to continue this no smoking rule after I'm discharged from hospital.

What’s it like living in Fiji? Being from America, it’s always been a dream to visit Fiji.

Fiji is an amazing place to live. An amazing lifestyle. But working in Fiji can be a bit of a hassle as everyone seems to be on Fiji time. Other than that, we work, then on the weekends we have so many choices of things to do, from fishing, to island exploring, to 4wd-ing to waterfall exploring to hiking and so much more. Let me know if you ever come over.

Care to elaborate on “Fiji time”?

'On Fiji Time' can be anywhere between 5 minutes to 3 hours after any said prescribed time. It means everything is casual and there is no schedule. Makes it hard if you're working and need something done pronto hahah. But Fiji is amazing and the people are too.

Why India, cheaper? How is the general professionalism?

Good on you though!

Indias medical industry is just much more advanced than Fiji. Needless to say, they are highly professional here & we've been looked after really well from the moment we landed in Delhi.

Why not New Zealand or Australia? They’re much closer.

Actually, We're also NZ citizens. My father could have done it in NZ for FREE. But he's been in the system (on the list) for the last 8 years. Aside from that, they do not allow living and consenting donors (like me). So aside from being on a list that prefers children etc., he'd also have to wait until a registered donor died before receiving a kidney. They practically wanted him to just go on dialisys, but that just wasn't going to be an option, as our whole lives, and careers are based in Fiji. Going to NZ would not have been viable. (No house, no income etc.) So we decided India was a better option, quicker and more professional.

Are you allowed to eat Indian food while your kidney pouch heals? You are a porcelain skin beauty.

You are a porcelain skin beauty.

wtf does this mean ?

That's definitely a first.. Haha

There is a very large ethnic Indian population in Fiji, it could be his fathers home.

True, but not the case! Haha

So what's the hospital food in India like?

Actually, it's quite alright. I don't have a problem with it at all. It's not strictly curries you can get anything at the hospital here!

Is any of it covered by insurance? I imagine it's really expensive?

Not covered by insurance. I think the operation alone has cost us $16,000 USD. Which is pretty much doubled when converted to our Fijian currency. And we haven't even factored in accommodation and meals.

Wow 16,000! Do you have a go fund me or anything set up for costs or will you be able to handle that okay? Mine transplant in the US cost almost a million. Luckily I had multiple types of insurance.

No, no such thing. We had to sell a few assets to afford the transplant costs. So we're handling it all on our own by working hard and saving.

A million? WTF..

I'd imagine you can't get health insurance for another country

Yep. And right before a surgery.

Did you have any fears or anxiety before going into surgery?

Yeah, only one fear I had. Ever seen the movie 'Awake'? It's where this one guy goes into surgery and the anesthesia doesn't work properly and he's still conscious but can't move or speak.. Thankfully it never happened hahaha.

I know medical tourism is a thing in India as I see many middle easterners and north african patients in any of the big hospitals here in India. How did you come about finding which hospital you wanted to go to? Are there people who plan this trip out for you? And are you charged extra for being a foreign national?

Yes we had an agent in Fiji who happens to be a family friend, and all her clients seemed to be very happy with the service. Yes - allot of middle eastern and North African nationals in big hospitals here in Delhi. We paid international prices.

When you and your father recover, how are you going to celebrate?

Probably travel to Kathmandu, Nepal and view Mt. Everest and all the old Hindu and Buddhist temples. It's only a 3 hour flight from Delhi.

Bula kimuni! What do you do for work in Fiji?

I work for an engineering firm and consultancy!

What is your favorite kind of soup?

The eight variety hot and sour soup from The Grest Wok of China every Wednesday.

What's the first thing you are going to do when you leave the hospital?

My former self wouldve said "have a cigarette", but that definitely won't happen, so the first thing I'm going to do when I leave hospital is eat some ice cream. It's a toss up between butterscotch or Belgian chocolate.. What do you think?

Have the Belgian chocolate at an ice cream chain in Delhi called Giani's. Beware, there are many fakes. I loved it so much that I brought it back with me whenever I travelled to New Delhi!

Awesome! Thanks for the tip, I'll go check it out!

What do you enjoy doing for fun with your father?

Going fishing, and restoring antique engines with my dad just about sums up what we enjoy doing together.

How long did the process take for them to approve you as a donor? And how much time elapsed between being a defined as a match and the surgery itself?

The process to approve me as a donor took exactly one month, and included cross matching, psych evals etc. And if I recall correctly, only 2 days had passed after I was defined as a match before I went into surgery. Quite quick.

This is amazing to hear. You're a really great son. I wish you both speedy recovery. I have a doubt, will you both be able to live the normal way and up to the normal lifespan if you follow a good diet and things go well?

Most definitely. As long as we remain active, hydrated and follow a healthy balanced diet, we'll live quite normally. In fact, most people are born and live realitvely healthily with only one kidney throughout their whole life!

My mom was born with a single kidney, she's 64 now and still healthy.

Yep, there's a few people I know that were born with one kidney and remain healthy. It's a little common!

Facing exactly the same situation myself with my father. What does getting tested as a donor involve? How do they determine if you're a match, or not a match? And are there any tests done to test the donor's susceptibility to developing kidney disease in the future in which case it wouldn't be ideal to donate if there was a high probability (No idea if such a test exists but would seem prudent). Is there any reduction to life expectancy for the donor?

Send me a personal message man, and I'll show you all the tests I had to do etc. It took a month of testing to finally get a surgery date.

So, when are you planning to go on your walk-about?

Pretty soon! I can feel a poop coming soon hahaha. Oh this one's gonna hurt.

Wishing you and your father a speedy recovery!

Why did you chose to do the donation in India?

Thanks for your kind words. India, is much quicker, more reliable and more professional than Fiji.

Is your father Anthony Cooper?

Not since I last checked

Do you leave near a beach? If so, what issues arise from living close to a beach? I live in a huge city in the Philippines, but I'm thinking of moving to a different island and living in a beach town.

Go live on a beach my friend. Only two issues, if you get a house right by the beach, be prepared to sweep sand off your floors everyday and wipe salt from your windows too. And also, beach life can get relatively slow compared to the city. But worth it though.

Did you fear dying while going into the surgery? If so how did you control it?

I did at first, but then it's all over with before I even realize it's happened

What were your thoughts when you found out you were a match? Were there any considerations that could have held you back?

No considerations whatsoever. It was just a straight decision from the moment I found out I was a match. Nothing could've changed my mind. I knew it was the right thing to do.

Do you weigh less?

I havent checked yet but boy I really hope I do weigh less.

If you could have any rugby player in the world play for Fiji,who would you choose? (Preferably not someone of Pacific island descent as that's just cheating)

Oh it would be a toss up between Rory Best as hooker or Rob Kearney at full back. Whaddya think?

I have been waiting for my recipient to get medically cleared since July when we were matched. He is an old friend and had cancer. We should be cleared to proceed to scheduling this month and the transplant should be next month. Was yours a laparoscopic surgery? I understand they make two small holes (or ports) around your rib cage and a big incision at the beltline. What else can you tell us about the procedure itself? Thank you for sharing your experience with this AMA!

Hey! You're a good person for donating to your old friend. I'm sure he is really grateful for it. Mine was laparoscopic surgery. That is how they perform most transplant surgeries for the donors. The doctor told me that they only cut you right open if something were to go wrong midway through, as the donor is the most important person on the table.

Donors are typically in hospital for around 5 days from admission, including 1 day in ICU. Recovery is quite speedy for the donor. It'll be over in no time, so no need to worry about it. You'll be fine. The recipient however will most likely be in ICU for 5 days, and then on hospital rest for a further 5 days before he is discharged. That is our experience.

If you have any more questions, just send me a private message buddy. You're a good person! And I'm sure your friend is very grateful for ya.

In your most honest words, what does your father represent to you?

Well, quite honestly, he's a LEGEND. He raised me well and taught me how to become a good standing citizen and a good man. He has a big heart and I admire that.

can you still drink alcohol with 1 kidney? maybe a dumb question but i always wondered... what other (if any) life changes will you have to make living without a second kidney?

I can indeed drink alcohol with one kidney. I just have to stay hydrated, adopt an active lifestyle and eat a balanced diet.,

Not to be insanely rude but you have a bit of a tummy. Did this complicate anything? I have a friend whos always wanted to be a donor but is rather large and i always thought it would REALLLY mess things up.

The doctors were not concerned whatsoever. They did tell me to partake in a more active lifestyle post op though, and a healthy diet. Which I admit I never did before surgery.

Fiji is great and so is India. However, you must have been shocked by the difference in culture even if you have an Indian heritage. Are you Hindu or Muslim? What we some of the biggest surprises? What city did you go to for the operation? Have you driven ...at night too? Feel crowded?

The culture shock is crazy. I'm not of Indian descent. I'm half Fijian, half NZ. The biggest surprise in Delhi is how nobody obeys road rules hahaha and the smog is crazy. I haven't seen the stars ever since I arrived here. It's very crouded here.

Sorry to assume your heritage. If you have time check out some of the historical sights and or temples. Street food is great but make sure you watch it get cooked. Have friends who plan to do a tuktuk race from northwest to southern India. They've never been there. I told them it's crazy. I've made several trips there and loved it. Trains are usually late and domestic flights canceled on me 3 of 5 times. But it's so exotic... Great place to see the sights. Btw where in Fiji are you from?

Wow tuktuk race across India?? Sounds epic! Hahaha I'm planning on going to Nepal afterwards. I've been to a few historic sites already, including the Taj Mahal! I'm from Pacific Harbour!

I lived in Fiji for a few years as a kid. Do the Suva swimming pools still have a fried rice stand?

How’d the coup(s) affect you and your family?

I grew up with, and still have a pool at my house, so I'm unsure of that fried rice stand hahaha. The coups did affect our family greatly, as our business was largely funded by the US. Once the coups happened, and then GFC of '08, the US cut their funding and it was hard for us to gain back our business. We got through it though.

Where in Fiji are you from? My husband was born in Suva, but grew up in Labasa and we have family in Tavua. Hope you're recovering well, and your father as well, you are a hero.

Hi! We're from Pacific Harbour..

Thanks for your kind words

How's Delhi?

Crowded, hectic, crazy, lots of smog. Big culture shock haha

How would the procedure in India differ from in Fiji? Why did you decide to go to India?

Kidney transplants aren't a thing in Fiji as of yet. We dont have that many specialists. We decided to go to India because it was quick, reliable and highly professional.

How long was the process for you as a donor? Is this his first transplant? How long was he on the list?

My sisters and I were all potential donors for my dad until he had a change in antibodies and we went on a paired exchange. He got a miracle call on January 15th and got a donor! It was 19 months of dialysis and this is his second transplant (first one lasted 17.5 years).

If anyone else is reading this, be sure to be an organ donor and consider being an altruistic kidney donor - call your local transplant center for more info!!

Wow! I'm so happy for your father and your family. I'm glad you were able to get a good and deserving outcome. My dad was on the list for some 8 years and when we decided to get it over and done with in India, I put my hand up for the job. This was his first transplant. It only takes me 5 days in hospital including one day in ICU as a donor.

Yes people - donate, donate, donate!

How's the water in Fiji?

Like Fiji Water?

What a coincidence! I too just underwent kidney transplant in Delhi.Which hospital btw?

Max Hospital in Ghaziabad

Bula si’a! Where are you from in Fiji?

Io Bula! I'm from Pacific Harbour 😊😊 And I can't wait to go back home haha

I work with a Fiji Iguana. How aware is the average Fiji citizen of conservation work in your country? How supportive is the government and people of preserving species?

Conservation is quite big in Fiji. Our Prime Minister is a very big advocate, and he addressed this topic at COP23 summit. In fact, we used to own a large boat and most often our clients were organisation's that needed to get out to small islands for conservation efforts. A lot of my friends from school got into conservation. Our nation is quite involved when it comes to recording and notifying relevant authorities on endangered species. Im quite proud of my country for this!

Hey, I was wondering are there any difficulties that can happen in future because of this? Also, you mentioned in one of replies that you have to stop smoking and not to become alcoholic, does it mean that alcohol is forbidden for you now, or only in big doses?

Thanks for replying in advance, and good luck with recovery!

Alcohol is not necessarily forbidden, I just can't be going out every second or third night and getting drunk. A drink or two after work is fine, or alternatively, a nice night out with friends on a Saturday. And as I've mentioned in other replies, I just gotta maintain an active lifestyle and diet. And stay hydrated.

Wish you and your father a quick recovery bro, your father will be proud of you. I'm just CURIOUS, why didn't you have the surgery in Fiji (wouldn't it be cheap?) Or Australia?

India is more reliable, professional, and a much quicker process. Thanks for your kind words!

Since all the good questions have already been asked... can you please tell me all about Fiji? It’s been my dream vacation for so long and I’ve never known anyone to have been there or been from there to know if I’m wasting my dreams...

Your not wasting your dreams. Fiji is amazing and any attempt to describe it would be unjust. Work hard, save up, and go see for yourself.

What is the reason for being transferred to an Indian Hospital as opposed to a hospital in another country eg New Zealand or even being treated in Fiji ?

India is much more quicker, more reliable and more professional.

Doing alright so far?

Recovering well so far. Starting to walk. Breathing better. Hopefully I'll be out soon.

Awesome!! Take it easy, but for sure get moving sooner than later if the doctors/nurses say it's ok. Moving around prevents pneumonia and blood clots and stuff. Also, I have found a video that I have prescribed you to watch to feel better:

https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/ap15na/fastest_boi_i_ever_saw/?utm_source=reddit-android

Hahaha thanks! I needed that!

Was it a difficult decision for you to make to donate?

How many of your relatives were tested?

Were you the only approved donor of your family/friends and if so why did they decide on you?

Thank you for reading.

Both my brother and I were tested and a match. But I put my hand up first. It just was a no-brainer for me, I knew I had to do it.

Do you know my friend Dinesh Patel?

No, why?

Do you notice you are missing an organ?

Only by the pain that I'm feeling right now hahaha but other than that, no, not really.