It’s been about 2 years since the last time I did this, and much has changed for me - both physically, emotionally, life in general. I figured it would be a good time for an updated AMA, especially since there’s many people who couldn’t ask their questions years ago!

I posted this picture recently as an updated photo comparison with no makeup, to give the best example of how subtle changes in the face can make all of the difference in how you’re perceived! But here is a comparison with day to day makeup.

If the mods require more proof just let me know, but you can see through my extensive post history and my AMA in my submission history that I am who I say I am. So ask away! What is it that you want to know about trans people that you might have been afraid to ask otherwise? Or just questions you have in general!

Edit: and a body comparison.

Edit 2: I’m answering questions as fast as I can but every time I answer one, 3 more pop up! Be patient as I’m trying to get to as many people as I can, and also see if I answered your question already!

Edit: I’ve got 400+ unread messages in my inbox pls bare with me omg

Edit: gonna take a break as I’ve been doing this for hours but I’ll answer more questions I promise!

Comments: 5803 • Responses: 100  • Date: 

Franconio2466 karma

I've always wondered how do you approach someone who you are attracted to in this situation (since you have male genitalia), when/how do you tell them that you are a trans woman?

Also, how have your sexual interactions changed?

I wouldn't ask if you haven't said that you are ready for invasive questions, hope it's ok!

imfinethough3217 karma

I approach them if I’m attracted to them, and start up a conversation. I will tell them my situation if intentions are made clear that they want to sleep with me, as that’s something they’ll now need to know. If they aren’t interested they can say no and I won’t be offended. Most of the time people do not care, as I’m pretty and feminine and interesting, which checks off most of the boxes for people interested in women hah.

Honestly they haven’t really changed at all, I’m lucky!

macboot1387 karma

So, another rather invasive question I guess... Does this mean that the straight men you sleep with have to deal with your not having a vagina? I'm gay, so I totally get and enjoy dick-on-dick action, I just can't imagine a straight guy knowing what to do in that situation?

imfinethough2982 karma

You’d be surprised what straight men will do when their dick is in your asshole. All bets are off, man. Haha.

SHMUCKLES_3703 karma

“Hey baby, wanna come back to my place?”

“I have a penis”

“Oh... do, do you want another one?”

imfinethough3116 karma

Legit if a guy said this to me I would probably blush and call him an idiot and kiss him/casually fall in love.

beezn1556 karma

A tale as old as time.

Yo_Soy_Crunk149 karma

A Tale of Two Penises

imfinethough303 karma

SAID IF YOU

WANT TO CALL ME BABY

JUST GO AHEAD NOW

DCooper323118 karma

Hey baby, want to come back to my place?

imfinethough180 karma

I have a penis.

DCooper323165 karma

Oh..

Well do you want another one?

imfinethough371 karma

Lol you’re an idiot.

Take me now you handsome devil.

conundrumbombs837 karma

As a straight man, I honestly wouldn't know what to do in that situation, myself. I'm not transphobic, but I think that would be a turn-off for me. Which is a little sad, considering how pretty and bubbly u/imfinethough is. She's very attractive. It's just... I like vaginas... and that's just a thing for me. (I hope that doesn't make me transphobic.)

imfinethough1240 karma

You’re allowed to have your preferences! I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay.

ShadeofIcarus510 karma

It doesn't. I'm very much in the same boat.

One of my closest friends is Trans. I was one of the first (I think the first?) people she came out to. She was worried that our friend group would shun her and hate her.

See, I knew the opposite to be true because she was one of the most amazing people I knew. She came out, and everyone embraced her (perks of living in the SFBay I guess).

She really came into herself over the next few years. Came out to her Parents, stood up to her shitty dad, got on Horemones. I remember getting invited to picking out the new outfits trip with the girls because she wanted a "Male Opinion" it was fun.

We had a whole conversation about love and relationships at some point. I remember her asking me "Would you date me".

It was a hard question to answer. It took me a solid minute to put together my thoughts.

In all honesty, if she had been born a Woman, in a heartbeat. Unfortunately the things I look for in someone include wanting a biological family, and well... I like vaginas (don't get me wrong, Anal is fun, but just the thought of a penis that isn't mine turns me off, its why a lot of porn isn't my thing). I told her she shouldn't try to force something with someone that isn't attracted to her, but find somone that would love and embrace her for who she is, and that there are plenty of people out there who are attracted to exactly that (Again.... San Fran and some examples in this very thread). We got her dating, and her self esteem skyrocketed.

But to me that's what's so cool about sexuality, different people are attracted to a huge variety of different things. None of it is "wrong" really. Its not like you can control your sexuality. You can control your actions and how you treat people, and that's where being transphobic is. Treat them like a human with their own feelings, needs, and desires, and respect those.

Its the same as not being homophobic. You don't have to sleep with a gay man to not be homophobic. You can politely turn down a come on, buy them a drink, then play wingman.

/u/imfinethough I get that about right?

imfinethough290 karma

Pretty much. I don’t need every woman or man to be into me, just the one that I’m dating :)

bladearts185 karma

How do you feel about some trans women who think it's okay to wait until you're in bed together to tell their partner about it? I've heard justifications from some trans girls and it seems incredibly dangerous to me.

imfinethough553 karma

Seems dangerous and foolish to me.

wordswithenemies2381 karma

I’m curious to know if hormones help curb male pattern baldness. And if not, how do you manage that?

imfinethough4430 karma

They do, it reversed my receding hairline a bit. Thank fucking god lmao.

Profun1949 karma

Hi! I’m a nurse practitioner who will, in the near future, start caring for some transgender patients. Anything you wish providers would know? How can I be a good provider to these patients??

Edit: I have fixed my error. Thank you to the 20+ people who have corrected me.

imfinethough1970 karma

Just be respectful and ask what they prefer! I’m not going to the doctor to make friends, I’m going to have my health taken care of. Just be professional.

Warskull1644 karma

Hormones impact a lot, have you found your food preferences have changed since you began HRT?

imfinethough1550 karma

Hmm that’s a good question...they have although I’m not sure if it’s attributed to hormones or not!! I have grown MUCH more fond of Mexican food, I go through burritos like it’s my job bahaha. I used to hate spicy food and now I like food that’s got a kick to it!

Signs801338 karma

I go through burritos like crazy too except I'm just a regular fat guy lol

imfinethough1056 karma

Let’s get burritos together my dude

GotAhGurs1557 karma

What’s the trick to rapidly figuring out the mess that is women’s clothing sizes? It’s one thing to be introduced to it very gradually over one’s adolescence, but another to have to learn it on a more compressed scale.

imfinethough1121 karma

Trial by fire. And it’s a constant effort because your body is changing drastically over a relatively short period of time. So things I bought around the 6 month mark fit me differently from the 1 year mark, and some of that stuff doesn’t fit me right even now...you just gotta kind try a bunch of stuff on and figure out how it works with your new body! And also have honest friends come with you and give opinions haha.

moongoose1416 karma

With my boyfriend being a nurse, this question came up alot in his schooling, but when you go to a doctor do you tell them what gender you were at birth?

He's told me with certain medications and the like, the dosage completely depends on stuff "not visible on the outside" so to speak.

Edit: WOW thank you everyone for the answers!

imfinethough1324 karma

Honestly I haven’t gone to a doctor who didn’t already know about my transition because I go to place in my city specifically for LGBT people. So it hasn’t really come up yet.

jerisad1334 karma

My partner came out as mtf to me on Friday. We are still sort of waffling through things together but now that she's being honest with herself the dysphoria is hitting pretty hard. Any advice for a partner on how to help in the very early stages of transition?

imfinethough671 karma

This is going to be very hard to hear and obviously there are cases out there where it does work for couples, but my advice would be for you to both have your own space for a while. It’s a super tumultuous period for someone going through transition, and I wish that I had given myself time to adjust to my new life without involving a partner. My relationship of 4 years ended recently because I was not happy, and that unhappiness stemmed from not having the freedom to figure out my new self - to live on my own, to experiment with my sexuality, to have the freedom to move or go where I want without having to worry about someone else.

It’s obviously not the answer anyone wants to hear but it’s just my experience.

FanaticDamen1288 karma

I've always wondered about voice. When you transition, does your voice naturally change? Stay the same? Did you have to coach yourself to talk in a more feminine pitch? How large of an obstacle was it?

imfinethough2118 karma

It does not change naturally if you are MtF. I had to change my pitch, resonance, and patterns of speech to be more female - it was a difficult process but was easier for me as I’ve always been good at manipulating my voice for singing and impressions and such. You would not know that my voice was anything other than a normal woman’s just from taking with me.

freefenris636 karma

Do you ever consciously (or unconsciously) find yourself talking in your old voice? Has your inner voice changed along with your outer voice?

imfinethough1120 karma

My inner voice has changed yes. It’s very jarring listening to old recordings or videos with my old voice because I haven’t heard it in so long. I can try talking in a “male” voice sometimes but it is never, and will never, be the same as it used to be.

TheMonsterWithinYou324 karma

As a woman with PCOS, would the medications you take to transition help me stay feminine? If you’re able to answer this at all.

If you don’t know PCOS affects women and makes them have male pattern baldness, hairy face body etc

imfinethough493 karma

The things happening to you are because of androgens, in this case specifically a higher amount of testosterone. You could take an anti androgen like spironolactone like I do and it would help to suppress those things in theory. However it’s not safe for everyone to take and might not be an option for you. But you should ask your doctor.

GlitteringAerie57 karma

So it's not your natural voice? You have to make one up to pass as female? What happens if you get drunk or tired, do you ever get lazy with it?

imfinethough152 karma

I get lazy with it around familiar company but it never sounds like a man, just a woman talking like a man I guess...if that makes sense.

SorryToSay20 karma

Do you have an example of this?

I'm completely supportive of you in every way and I believe what you're saying, but from just an objective standpoint I've never heard a convincing voice from someone that's transgender. I wanted to believe it was possible but I guess I just didn't have any evidence of it. There always seems to be that telltale shift and twinge in the voice which I can't imagine is fun for people who are concerned with passing.

It feels rude to ask but I guess that's kind of why we're here today.

imfinethough85 karma

I could probably record something but I can’t say that it would be fair for me. Anyone listening would be looking for “tells” because they ready know my “secret”. It would be different if you heard it without knowing. I find that’s a thing people do in general - you can give people two of the same exact picture and tell them there is a difference and ask what it is, and they will try and give you an answer even though there’s nothing there. Understand what I mean?

sedermera5 karma

Do you smoke? I follow a trans lady's blog who has female speech patterns but still a deep voice. She smokes, so I'm wondering if that makes it harder.

(Or it might just be different priorities, since you said it was a difficult process.)

imfinethough16 karma

I do not smoke. I’m sure it would be an added difficulty but to what degree I can’t be certain.

SheriffLevy1025 karma

Packers are giving 7 1/2 to The Bears tonight in Green Bay, any thoughts on that?

imfinethough1277 karma

I can’t believe the Bears stole Khalil Mack at the apex of his career.

YellowFellow95455 karma

Fuck I'm not safe anywhere

imfinethough399 karma

Get rekt m8.

(I do like the Raiders though and wish you the best this season)

daedius751 karma

Is there any behavior about women you used to complain about/think was ridiculous that you now find yourself doing?

imfinethough2155 karma

I’m about to be very transparent here and admit something that’s going to probably get me a lot of hate, but I was a short man (5’6”) before and it always sucked to be rejected by women for my height. And although I have not rejected any men yet because of their height (two have been the same height as me in fact) I can’t help but find taller men super attractive 😩😩😩 I realize I’m a hypocrite but I can’t help what I find attractive!!!!!

stoutyteapot337 karma

Have you always been bisexual?

imfinethough753 karma

Yes but...not always aware/acknowledging it. In retrospect I realize I had crushes on boys but disguised it from myself by saying oh I just really respect him a lot, or I can see why women are crazy about him, blah blah blah...

FoxInKneeSocks53 karma

That's just an instinct! Of course today things are much different but a long time ago women chose taller/stronger men who could protect them from all kinds of things. We see this in countless species of animals too.

imfinethough78 karma

I kinda figured it had something to do with that. It’s a nice protected feeling. And also really hot when they carry me to the car lol.

ZestyVibes43 karma

I’m a guy who is 5’6”

guess I know why I’m single

imfinethough37 karma

If I was into you as a person your height wouldn’t bother me :) don’t worry about it man, women will love you for so much more than something as stupid and arbitrary as height.

scrumping750 karma

Boob question, I hope this doesn't come off as rude! In your body pic, your breasts look fabulous. But since you haven't had any surgeries that's ALL from the hormones? Looks like a huge change. What bra size are you, and are they still growing?

imfinethough1018 karma

Yup they’re real. And still growing. I’m probably a 34B right now. I’m pretty confident about them but not not enough to plaster them across the front page of reddit hahaha

filbertsnuts683 karma

To what extent do you credit being born an attractive man assist in being an attractive woman post surgery?

imfinethough1058 karma

A lot. But I haven’t had surgery. A lot of the same facial features that are attractive in men are also attractive in women. Makes sense that attractiveness is transitive too.

KonohaBatman624 karma

How did your friends and/or family react or respond to you coming out to them?

imfinethough1548 karma

My parents initially had the hardest time - my dad came from a very religious, Irish Catholic, conservative military family so I was very much the black sheep. But he came around relatively quickly. My uncle on his side of the family did not want me at family events and did not speak to me for 3 years. His family and a few of his brothers are Born Again Christian, so it was hard for them to accept me. They’ve finally come around though and are trying hard! I saw them at a wedding for my cousin during the spring and they were very excited and happy to see me again, I missed them as well.

Friends were all pretty accepting though my friends have always been on the more...”alternative” side of life so no surprises there.

ComposeTheSilence608 karma

On a lighter note, what do you do? What are you passionate ahout?

imfinethough1006 karma

I’m a musician! I play guitar and bass and I sing. I’m the bassist in two bands currently, and play shows in the surrounding area! It’s so fulfilling and I feel like it’s my calling in life. I’m working on my own album right now!

ComposeTheSilence188 karma

Awesome. I'm a composer myself. Nice to see another musician here. If you care to share your kusic/band, ill be sure to support.

Have a good one.

imfinethough248 karma

I don’t have anything official out there but I’ve posted ideas/songs I’m working on on my soundcloud so I can listen to them while out and about! Most of them are older but you can still check them out :) is link my instagram where I post more recent stuff but I’d rather not have my profile carpet bombed by reddit lmao

https://soundcloud.com/alitttlebit/a-house-in-donnegal

FullBitGamer547 karma

As an M to F transition what are your thoughts on surgery for reassignment? Are you contemplating getting surgery or have you already?

I have a friend who tranistioned (F to M) and he considered treatments to (not sure how to say this...) "grow" the proper equipment. But ultimately did not do it. He said mentally he is a male, physically he is a female, but in the end he is just himself. Is that something you relate to?

Thanks.

Also, I think you look fantastic, your eyes are so stunning.

imfinethough710 karma

Thank you! I do plan on getting SRS one day.

He said mentally he is a male, physically he is a female, but in the end he is just himself. Is that something you relate to?

Yes, mostly. I am physically and mentally female though - it’s been 4 years, literally everything on my body is female now except my genital situation. But at the end of the day yes, I’m just myself, regardless of what my body looks like.

piles_of_it481 karma

Do you still jerk off?

Saw you don’t penetrate partners yet you’re bi. I take it you’re considering relations with another girl to be the gay part of the bi coin and hooking up with a guy as straight?

You look great. Hope SRS goes well.

imfinethough434 karma

I use a vibrator and dildo mostly.

Yes that’s what I consider those experiences!

Thank you.

piles_of_it92 karma

Wasn’t trying to be obtuse. I have a few lesbian friends who are really open about their sex lives and have heard a lot about fucking your partner with a strap on. Was kinda thinking that being a woman with a dick would be a pretty big plus in this situation. Fee like the female hormones would totally change the orgasm and make it way different than fucking as a man. Thank you!

imfinethough204 karma

Using my penis to penetrate someone makes me feel like a man and I don’t like to do it. I’ll gladly use a strapon though.

Kelpsie415 karma

How old are you/were you upon starting HRT?

I've wanted to go through with it for over a decade, but I've always been too scared. I've been too vain to risk ending up looking like a man that went through HRT, rather than a woman. I've never been desperate enough to risk it, I suppose.

Not sure if there's a question in all that, just using your AMA as a place to ramble I guess.

PS: You look fantastic. If I could have any guarantee of coming out the other side looking like you, I'd jump on the opportunity in a second.

imfinethough788 karma

I was 22. I waffled on it for a long time. I thought that if I couldn’t come out as an attractive woman then I’d rather just stay in a male body I was unhappy with, because at least other people could appreciate my body.

Then I realized I was an idiot and that being an ugly woman would be better than being a miserable man lol. I didn’t care how it planned out anymore. Luckily for me it turned out well.

H_P_13398 karma

Wow, first off you were a beautiful man and today you are a beautiful woman! Congratulations on your transition! My question out of sheer curiosity is what all have you had done surgically and also at what moment did you truly feel like a woman?

imfinethough601 karma

I have had no surgery done whatsoever, but I do plan to have bottom surgery when my financial situation allows.

I’m not sure there was any specific moment. Ever since I could think with some level of self-awareness, I’ve felt that I was female - that I should have a woman’s body. I think the moment I looked down and saw breasts developing and felt this overwhelming feeling of “rightness” or general comfort, a feeling of “this is how it should have always been”, was probably the most confirming moment of my life.

Retardedgoblin246 karma

How did you know that it was a matter of being the wrong sex specifically? Versus not feeling right being expected to conform to traditional gender norms? How did you know you were a woman vs being a "feminine" or even agendered male?

imfinethough345 karma

I’m not sure that there’s a 100% foolproof way of knowing beforehand, but living day to day in a completely female body and being gendered as female and changing your voice to be female seems to be pretty confirming to me. I don’t know any effeminate men who want to actually be female 100% of the time. Because they’re men.

Throwaway123abc987227 karma

Will you save some sperm before doing the surgery?

Do you ever want children? (Adopted or biological?)

Your makeup is on point btw 👌

imfinethough261 karma

I did not, but I do want children someday...I think. I’m open to that changing over time. It makes me existentially sad to know I won’t ever be able to carry children myself but c’est la vie.

Shartina_Oduriss203 karma

I remember you from your previous AMA. You're looking fantastic!

What would you rate your happiness level, compared to 4 years ago?

imfinethough393 karma

Compared to 4 years ago? It’s like fucking night and day, man. I used to be a husk of a person and I was alive but not living. Now I’m out there actually living and having the time of my life :)

Shartina_Oduriss105 karma

That's really wonderful to hear! Would you mind sharing a wee bit about your experiences as a woman in situations where you know from your previous life that you had an entirely different experience as a man?

imfinethough648 karma

Sure! Uber rides are very different obviously...I used to be able to take silent rides as a guy and now men are very chatty. Sometimes too interested in me. I once had a guy keep the doors locked and wouldn’t let me get out at my stop until he “got one last look at me”.

Also I work with guitars as they’re my passion and I get male customers who ask to speak to a male coworker or manager instead of me, or question whether or not I actually know what I’m talking about...when in reality my coworkers frequently defer to me for answers for their own customers.

It just constantly feels like I now have to fight to earn respect in situations where it used to be given to me by default.

NicooooZilla220 karma

I (33F) manage a warehouse that has 13 male workers. I regularly get asked by vendors or maintenance workers for the "man in charge."

imfinethough245 karma

Girl I feel you on so many levels. It’s degrading.

RavenTaco174 karma

Thanks for the AMA!

I think for me there is a lot of solid info out there but it’s some times hard to get a personal perspective on some of my questions, so thanks for doing this! Also, one of the classes that I teach is Anatomy and Physiology so I’d love to get your own experiences to make sure our ‘Sexual Health’ unit is more encompassing :)

How do your birth genitalia play into your sex life? Do you still get physically aroused like you did before HRT? I don’t know your sexual orientation but as a women do you still penetrate your partner?

What kinda surgeries, if any, have you had during your transitions? How do you pay for the treatment?

What kind of physical/biological changes happens to your body after you started HRT?

Also, some general questions:

How often do you feel like you’re ‘passing’?

How did your friendships change after you officially started transitioning?

How’d you choose your new name? (If you did)

And what was the last TV show you binged?!

Thanks for your time!

imfinethough336 karma

How do your birth genitalia play into your sex life? Do you still get physically aroused like you did before HRT? I don’t know your sexual orientation but as a women do you still penetrate your partner?

No, it’s drastically different. When a man is aroused it’s pretty straightforward, they just get hard lmao. For me, I usually get wet and get shivers all over and sometimes my thighs will twitch and get hot. I’m bisexual and no, I do not penetrate any partners.

What kinda surgeries, if any, have you had during your transitions? How do you pay for the treatment?

None! And I have insurance so payments are very low.

What kind of physical/biological changes happens to your body after you started HRT?

This is a much more involved question I’ll have to answer separately.

How often do you feel like you’re ‘passing’?

24/7. I literally can’t remember the last time someone thought I was a man. I’m 5’6” with a feminine voice and appearance.

How did your friendships change after you officially started transitioning?

I grew even closer to my female friends and a little less close to my male friends. But I’ve kept 95% of the same friends and made many more :) the few who left my life were not important to me at all so I don’t care.

How’d you choose your new name? (If you did)

My old name was very important to my dad and as a sign of respect to him I decided to keep it as close as possible and just changed one letter :)

And what was the last TV show you binged?!

Sex and the City!

snaaa156 karma

My best friend is MTF and has her first appointment with the gender clinic next month. She's scared they'll refuse treatment because she's got to a good place with her dysphoria. Do you have any advice for her? And how can I be supportive without being overbearing or making everything about her trans-ness?

imfinethough183 karma

she's got to a good place with her dysphoria

What does this mean? I don’t really see it being an issue because anyone going to a gender clinic for treatment is clearly not “in a good place” with their dysphoria, despite what they might say. It’s not a place you go to for general “check ups”, you go for a purpose.

As for support, the best thing you can do is just try and act like a normal friend and be a good listener. I have lots of close friends and none of them could ever possibly relate to my situation, and I don’t expect them to. They’re just good friends by listening to my rants every now and then.

juicedhunts140 karma

I've never asked this question before but I've always wanted to know the answer sorry if it's too invasive!

If you have a prominent Adam's apple does it cause you distress and if it does are there ways of making it smaller?

imfinethough190 karma

It was very prominent but is less so now - I’m not sure why that is tbh. It does make uncomfortable but I never lift up my neck for people to see it so it’s not a big deal most of the time honestly. But I can’t wait for it to be gone.

mewtools109 karma

I'm a trans guy, and I was wondering if your family still supports you? Mine doesn't and it sucks, and I just want to reach out and make sure you're also doing okay.

imfinethough110 karma

They do. I appreciate you reaching out and I’m so sorry that your family does not. I’m here if you ever wanna talk about it.

voyto96 karma

When you are sexuslly aroused, do you get an errecton like I assume you did before taking hormones? Just curious to know how the hormones would affect that function?

imfinethough172 karma

Mmmmmm sometimes? Idk it’s weird, it’s different then before. Sometimes I can be sexting a guy and start to get a bit hard, and other times I can be drilled in the ass and I’m totally soft, even though I love it and it feels good. It just kinda does it’s own thing.

Sir_Player_One74 karma

I know I'm a little late to the party with this but I've had some questions I've wanted to ask a MtF trans persons for some time. But first, some back story.

I've struggled with thoughts of transitioning for about a decade now. It all started when I was a young boy (<8 years old). My sister would crossdress me (she found it funny) sometimes when we played together. At the time I acted like I was only doing it for laughs (it was a bit funny, but not that much), but secretly I liked it. I felt pretty and soft when I did it. As the years went on, I realized a boy wasn't supposed to do such things, and stopped. With the exception of experimenting with doing girly things when I thought no one was looking, I mostly had and average childhood up until puberty. Once I started developing sexually (~11 years old), I soon got back into crossdressing. It felt so nice to do so. I felt pretty, cute, and desirable. I don't know if I can say I was ever "uncomfortable" with my male body, but I have always found it ugly, gross, and unattractive. It disgusted me. It lead to me being obsessed and critical of my appearance and I strongly desired to feel attractive. And I found that in femininity. The clothes, the hair, the make-up, the mannerisms and ways of carrying yourself. It made me feel so attractive. Desirable. I found beauty in myself. It quickly escalated to fantasies of becoming a girl (whether through transitioning, a freak accident where I lose my "boy parts" and have to transition, or through straight up magic), dating/having sex with cute boys (I learned quickly that I wasn't attracted to just girls), and doing traditionally feminine things. I loved it. It felt so right. But I soon realized that I absolutely had to hide it. My parents would never approve, and I couldn't bear the thought of them shunning me. Plus, I could never afford everything I'd need to properly transition. We were way too poor for that. So I tried to bury it and purge all evidence. Lead a "normal" male life. On the outside I was able to push an effective male persona. At the most people would only question my sexuality at times, but usually they bought it that I was a fairly regularly guy. But on the inside, and in secret... I relapsed. Time and time again, I'd go back to it. It was stuck in my brain like a splinter. I would fulfill my fantasies, reach a critical point where shame over took me, attempt to purge it all, try to lead a "normal" life, and then soon relapse. This has happened several times. I'm 20 now, and am still questioning things and struggling with this. The dichotomy between my outward male persona and my secret feminine one is causing me a great deal of stress, and I'm desperate for answers. Which brings me to my questions:

How do you know for sure when transitioning is right for you?

Am I a valid trans person, or just a broken, perverse freak?

Should I ignore/suppress these feelings and contine attempting to live "normally"?

I'm sorry if these aren't appropriate questions to ask you. You're not an expert on the subject, and ultimately your experiences transitioning are your own. I also realize it is (or has been) a hotly debated topic within the trans community on whether guys like me are legitimate trans people or just fetishists. Honestly, I don't know anymore what I am. All I know is that I want to be beautiful. Any advice or help you can give would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

imfinethough54 karma

Obviously I cannot tell you if you’re trans or not but what I will say is that a lot of your post resonated hard with me. I know the feeling of the purging and relapsing, the shame, the fantasies about ending up female under circumstances you can’t control so you don’t have to be responsible for the way you feel...it resonates with me and a lot of the trans women I know.

There’s no one correct way to be trans. All I know is that when I was in a similar position, I realized there would be no escape from the cycle, from the feelings, unless I transitioned. And once I started I couldn’t believe it took me so long, because I had known who I was the way you know your name, or that water is wet.

Definitely consider that you might be trans. Reach out to me in a few days when this quiets down if you want someone to talk to. And good luck.

truthinacan32 karma

Hello! How do you approach going on dates? Do you feel the need to discuss your situation up front or do you let things play out organically? Thank you!

imfinethough105 karma

For the past 4 years I had been in a relationship and it’s only been a recent development that I’ve actually been out there dating as a trans person myself, so I’m still trying to figure it out. As of now I advertise that I’m trans online, but in person I just let things happen naturally. Without sounding too vain, I’m confident and attractive and it hasn’t really been an issue regardless hah. I’ve found with men specifically that as long as there’s a hole to use they’re cool with it lol...

h00paj00ped32 karma

Would you consider the US military justified in not placing trans people on the combat line due to the need to take HRT drugs? I know they won't allow diabetics on the front line for the same reason.

I guess what I'm really asking here is if it's true that you become a little unstable if you go off the HRT drugs?

imfinethough78 karma

I think it depends...I can see the concern as being if someone loses access to HRT, will they be a liability? Personally it does not hurt me physically, there have been periods where I missed s month due to a lapse in prescription and while I was anxious, I was still able to function day to day. It takes a long time for HRT to change your body and it takes a long time for the effects to be reversed as well, mission a month is just a drop in the ocean of time. Also there are people that just take a shot and they’re good for the month, or have slow-release pellets under their skin. They should never have an issue in the field.

Messianiclegacy31 karma

How do you feel about the social theory that a trans person can never truly 'cross over' to the other gender? For instance a man can have full reassignment surgery and live as a woman for years but since that person has not experienced being a woman from birth then they have not earned the right to be called a woman. That person will always be trans, something that deserves its own category and its own status.

imfinethough164 karma

I think that’s moronic. My sisters experience as a woman is vastly different from my mom’s experience, whose experience is vastly different from my ex girlfriend’s experience, etc. There is no “one way” to be a woman or experience life as a woman. If you appear to be a woman, and everyone treats you as such, how is your experience different from any other woman’s? Most women do not understand what it’s like to live having been born male, that’s true. But I don’t know what it’s like to live with a wheelchair. Or cancer. Or OCD. Everyone has their own shit.

enki94126 karma

The whole situation with trans-people seems to have recently taken on a lot recent media attention and political reactions from both sides, to the point where many laws or policies have been put in place that have attempted to protect the perceived emotional welfare of trans-gender people, often at the expense of the civil liberties or free speech of others. I am referring specifically to the use of pronouns, where groups are pushing to either eliminate he/she altogether or push towards having additional "non-binary" pronouns included, as well as punishing people who either accidentally, inadvertently or due to their own beliefs identify someone using a pronoun the recipient doesn't agree with.

As someone who falls into this category, what is your opinion on the matter? Do trans-gender people even give a shit about this, or has it become just a crusade by overly zealous people to push forward a "progressive" agenda that isn't even their own? In your experience, what do you and others you may associate with feel about the topic and do you feel that non-trans people have the right to continue using the pronoun based on the biological equivalent of what someone looks like?

imfinethough114 karma

I will be extremely blunt with my answer here - being just one person, I can’t speak for all trans people on the issue, and I won’t say what other people should or should not do in regards to pronouns or whatever.

HOWEVER. I do not give a damn. I literally could not care less because I never meet anyone like this in real life, and it’s so vastly unimportant in relation to everything else in my life, I just simply do not bother with it whatsoever. My rule is - I call people by what they appear to want to be perceived as. If you look like a dude, I’ll refer to you as such. If you look like you’re trying to look female, I’ll refer to you as such. If you correct me and tell me that you prefer something else, I’ll be polite and change pronouns because I’m not an asshole, but it’s unlikely I will want to be long-term friends with anyone like that. I prefer my life to be as easy as possible.

enki94116 karma

Thank you for your response.

And to clarify, I wasn't implying that I would take your answer as an official spokesperson for the entire group of people who fall under that category. I was just curious as to what your individual or, if applicable, the people you are familiar with, feel about the issue. As mentioned, it has become a hot topic for debate with people arguing both sides of the issue, so I was curious what the somewhat non-politicized opinion of the issue was from people within those groups. I've found that with most contrasting and hot topic issues these days, in most cases the people who are actually affected by the situation actually "do not give a damn".

imfinethough24 karma

Yeah I can’t fathom being upset by something that doesn’t actually apply to me ya know? I don’t have time for that lmao.

The_Real_Solo_Legend24 karma

What’s the biggest difference you’ve noticed in the way strangers treated you after you transitioned to a woman?

(Sorry if I’m not using the right terminology)

imfinethough25 karma

People are MUCH kinder or more likely to offer me help. People smile at me more. People go out of their way to speak to me or ask if I need anything. It honestly felt so lonely living as a man by comparison. Everyone leaves you alone. Which can be nice sometimes honestly as people (men) can be the worst at talking to you and hitting on you when you just want to be left alone....

_Malara18 karma

What was the most surprising thing you found d changed in your day to day life after transitioning? Btw your makeup and skin are AMAZING

imfinethough25 karma

Thank you so much!! I’m still learning!! I guess I was surprised that after wanting breasts my entire life, i didn’t expect to want my bra to come off so quickly as soon as I got home lmao.

zappapostrophe16 karma

Would you consider dysphoria necessary to be transgender?

I ask only as there’s a small and vocal community called “tucutes” who believe you don’t need dysphoria to be trans. Personally, I believe you do require dysphoria and it’s insulting to actual trans people to claim that no dysphoria (and all of the accompanying mental anguish) is needed, and that you simply need to say you’re trans.

imfinethough16 karma

I would agree with you. Don’t really have much else to say other than that haha. Also I’ve never even heard of that tbh.

Juaness9816 karma

Would you be insulted if someone declined to date you because you’re a trans woman?

imfinethough52 karma

No. Their loss :)

Caimthehero16 karma

Ok I'm going to get hate for this but I'll ask anyway. Is it unreasonable to identify you as a person that was born a man? If anyone asked what biological sex you were born as is male included in the answer? Do you tell men that have shown interest in any sexual relations that you are trans? Thank you for keeping this civil please.

imfinethough20 karma

I mean, it’s a true statement so I wouldn’t say it’s incorrect or unreasonable in that regard...but it’s completely irrelevant outside of the bedroom/romantic relationships so in that sense I would call it unreasonable to define me like that outside of those situations. I do tell men, yes, it’s impossible for them to not know if they want to be with me.

AnarchistBusinessMan15 karma

Please don't take this in a negative way. I lived with a person (MtF) that decided to go through HRT by ordering everything illegally over the internet because they thought the doctors were taking to long to approve everything. Things went down hill quickly and I'm wondering if this was a normal thing or a one off situation. It was like living with a teenage girl going through puberty (which I guess is kind of true) except that this "teenage girl" would get violent, aggressive and a complete personality change the the most negative way. I understand that HRT his hard on the body but how often do you think this kind of things happens and what are you're opinion of people doing it on their own by ordering meds off the internet?

How did your personality change as you went through your transition?

On a littler note I ran into her later (I had to break the lease because of the threat of violence) and the first thing they said to me was "Hey Anarchist, I have boobs!" while squishing them together! It still makes me laugh but still that relationship was ruined because of the way they treated me and others while transitioning. It was sad to see, they lost many of their friends because of how they treated everyone. I ran into her best friend (who was super supportive and I was as well) and they told me that even they had to let them go as a friend.

imfinethough33 karma

I’m honestly not sure how much the effect of HRT on people is some sort of confirmation bias...like they expect it to have massive effects on their mood and so it happens. It was never like that for me. I’ve always been pretty even-keeled. But my personality shone through a lot more because I wasn’t afraid to be myself any longer. I have a pretty cute/flirty personality and didn’t feel comfortable acting like that as a man.

snarkitout12 karma

This may be silly, but do you need to take HRT for the rest of your life? Or once you've taken it, the effects will never reverse?

imfinethough16 karma

I need to take estrogen for the rest of my life but once I have surgery I won’t need spironolactone anymore!

snarkitout12 karma

Ohhhh okay, that makes sense. Kinda like how some women get their ovaries/uterus removed and need estrogen to keep the hormones in balance?

imfinethough14 karma

Exactly! I’m not producing it on my own, so I need to supplement that.

Playshay7106 karma

What do you have to say for those who believe that transgender in a mental sickness?

imfinethough37 karma

Trans people are not hurting anyone, and their lives and what they do to be happy has absolutely zero bearing on your own lives. I think you should focus more on your inability to leave other people alone when they’re not bothering you. Projecting hate onto other people is a mental sickness.

Jaycameron6 karma

In your journey as a transgender, at what point do you stop being transgender, and just be a woman? With all the phobias and hatred towards the trans community in our society, I cant think anyone would want to be labeled transgender all thier life. I may be wrong about this, and since I dont understand, clarification is all I am looking for.

Bot removed this question before due to no ? even though this statement of a question does not require an actual ?. Because the ? raises the intonation of the sentence at the end. I am not questioning you as a woman, as a ? will now make it sound.

imfinethough20 karma

I refer to myself as a woman and only disclose that I’m trans in online situations like this, or if I have to. I prefer to just be seen like any other woman, because I pretty much am.

commandrix4 karma

No downvotes here. But what resources have you found that are helpful for trans people who are going through a rough time / being bullied for being transgender?

imfinethough5 karma

I would look for a local LGBT cloning as they could put you in touch with someone to talk to about what you’re going through, but honestly I think it’s more productive to have friends going through the same thing to talk to. Reddit is a good place to meet other trans people and talk about the issues you’re all facing, it helped me when I was new to all of this.

bbenok4 karma

Congratulations on following your beliefs! Do you mind me asking if you make a point of telling people about your transition while dating?

imfinethough21 karma

I do tell people because honestly it’s just not worth the anxiety of waiting to tell someone - I’d rather they want to date me because of who I actually am rather than who they think they am. Fortunately I have had no shortage of interested people!

Ender03113 karma

What is HRT? Never heard of that before. I’m guessing a hormonal drug?

imfinethough21 karma

Hormone Replacement Therapy. The catch-all term for hormones.

rockarollawmn2 karma

Do you thank the fates daily for those giant, blue anime eyes?

imfinethough3 karma

Yes. They’re not blue though! They’re more green/grey like they look in this picture.

RadiatorPls2 karma

How does dating work? So do you seek men or women, and does being trans put some people off of dating you? (Btw happy for you being so comfortable and open about your identity)

imfinethough7 karma

I answered this elsewhere but I’m bisexual. I’m sure being trans puts off some people but I don’t pay it any mind, I don’t worry about things I don’t have control over. There’s pleeeeeeenty of people into me for who I am as is and that’s just fine with me.

thecitizenredux2 karma

What is HRT?

imfinethough-3 karma

Answered elsewhere!

76mumbles2 karma

How did you handle your facial hair? What’s the process for getting rid of it?

imfinethough2 karma

Lots of laser and electrolysis to remove it, and anti-androgens to keep it from growing back!

nushkii2 karma

Congratulations on the beautiful transition! Just one question, did you grow out the hair? And how? Were you given something for it or it just grew naturally?

imfinethough2 karma

It just grew out naturally!

RubberDong1 karma

how do lesbians protect themselves form STDs?

imfinethough1 karma

I’d assume by testing themselves and their partners regularly.

ghosting121 karma

Im also a trans woman. I haven't started hormones but I've been seeing a therapist for a while. How do i progress in transitioning?

imfinethough5 karma

See if your therapist can point you towards and informed consent clinic or someone who you can speak with about obtaining a prescription!

ComposeTheSilence0 karma

how you are feeling? This world is a mess right now especially towards lgbt community. I'm queer and find myself facing off with other queer folks who totally dismiss trans folk. How in the world do you navigate a world like that? It gets frustrating fending off cis normative anti lgbt bs but it's even more exhausting hearing the same rhetoric from lgb folks.

imfinethough14 karma

To be honest I don’t really deal with it...I don’t run in LGBT circles, music is my main hobby and the focus of my life so trans stuff never comes up in my life. I actively try and avoid anything like that because it’s too hard to navigate it lmao. I have gay/bi friends but we don’t really talk about stuff like that...it’s just very easy to talk about whoever we’re dating without having to feel weird about it I guess? Otherwise it’s just not a focus.

Chloe_Zooms1 karma

How do you feel about the people who talk about that stuff every day and hang out with only non-cis gendered people?

imfinethough1 karma

If it makes you happy then do it, I don’t care! As long as no one is being hurt, I don’t care what people do as long as they’re happy.

However I will say that your world view is supremely limited if you only associate with people just like you. That’s why I have friends from all walks of life.

astraydoge0 karma

Holy shit, as a transwoman, any diet/exercise tips? I wanna be you 😍

Also, when did you start hrt?

imfinethough3 karma

I just try and eat healthy as much as possible, I don’t do nearly as much exercise as I should! I’d love to start doing it more though.

4 years ago!

[deleted]-1 karma

[deleted]

imfinethough5 karma

Get lucky, honestly. There’s no specific place you’ll find me. But your approach decides if I’ll want to go out with you or not. I do not appreciate guys who start off conversations with “I’ve never been with a trans woman but I’ve always been curious...”. I’m not looking to be anyone’s experiment and I don’t want to have to waste my time showing them the ropes...the only exception I would make for that is if I met a man at a bar who isn’t looking for trans women but decides that he likes me and wants to try. I generally don’t go out with people looking specifically for someone like me.

Sneakiest_reinhardt-8 karma

Who cares?

imfinethough6 karma

Plenty of people apparently, have you seen the many questions here? Try being kind.

hateful_asshole-16 karma

how's that mental health problem working out for ya?

imfinethough13 karma

I’m not going around trying to make other people feel worse about themselves. I don’t know what I have done to make you so angry towards me but I truly hope that you find happiness one day. Misery is unbecoming of you.

BigTitGirlGamer-18 karma

How big is you're cock?

imfinethough25 karma

One of the very few questions I’m not going to answer, sorry