IamA 24yr old male BORN with HIV. Ask me anything!

Have you considered writing yourself a theme song "Born with the HIV" based off of "Born in the USA"?

Bahahaha!

I'm very curious about the how you handle the impact of HIV when it comes to forming relationships and seeking physical intimacy with others. When do you let somebody know, what steps do you take, do you look for somebody else who is also affected, and how does this all play into your plans for fatherhood that you've mentioned in another comment?

Excellent question man. This has been a challenge. I keep my mind open when I meet someone that I like. I try not to discourage myself from a chance with a beautiful awesome girl. But I imagine I'm not that much different in dating. When I meet a girl I'm interested in knowing and possibly even being with I'll ask her out and let her know my intentions. Maybe 2-3 dates is about the time when I say yay I like her and want to be with her or nay she's not for me. Now here's the difference. If I do want to be with her I tell her right away about my condition. Then the ball is in her court and hopefully I've swept her off her feet and made her laugh enough for her to say yea. As far as sexual relations and kids. Since I'm undetectable I have a low percentage of giving it to her. My current gf and I have talked to my doctor together and asked what can we do sexually?what's the risk? And can we have kids? My doctor said the risk is there but its really low. Like less then "2%" is what he said as long as there are no open wounds. So we'd have to be careful. My gf and I are waiting till marriage to do stuff though(religious reasons) I am however not a virgin..

Wouldn't artificial insemination be the best route to prevent infection? Your semen could be analyzed before fertilization to minimize risk, as multiple specimens could be considered before selecting the one that posed the least risk to your partner.

Yes this is a very good way to prevent infection

2% sounds low but statistically if you have sex with her 50 times she will contract HIV..

Don't know why the doctor said 2%. It's more like "0.05–0.30%" for male to female unprotected vaginal transmission. Since his viral load is so low, it would be on the lower end (0.05%)

Source: Wikipedia -> http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19179227

Maybe I'm not remembering right...but with me being undetectable, my doctors response was very encouraging to having a normal sexual life...but I know this-its going to be very nerve racking. So I'd still take further precautions like condoms, so normal isn't quite going to happen for me until I'm cured unfortunately

I've thought about looking for someone else who is infected. If we don't work out I will...it'll be way less stressful in breaking the news..

Do you harbor any negative feelings toward your mother? How did she get it? What are the chances of it turning into full blown AIDS? Can you take a picture of your meds with a piece of paper with your username on it beside the bottle, to validate this and hush the naysayers?

Do you harbor any negative feelings toward your mother? How did she get it? What are the chances of it turning into full blown AIDS? Can you take a picture of your meds with a piece of paper with your username on it beside the bottle, to validate this and hush the naysayers?

Great questions! No I don't I used to for small time. She got it from doing drugs. If I stop my meds It will progress into aids. And yes I will take the pic with my user name :) and repost..jus a min

http://i1364.photobucket.com/albums/r736/zwd00/IMG_20130412_024102_954_zps52792c00.jpg

Good deal, thanks OP. I would edit the text of your post at the top and put that up there as well. And beware the diehard proof-seekers, they will surely want birth records, medical records, bills and all that shit.

LMAO thanks for the heads up

Stay strong. My sister had contracted it from a boyfriend. She found out before she gave birth to her son (different boyfriend) and they were able to give him meds to stop him from contracting it. He will be 13 this year and is undetectable. She's doing great although has her times where she wanted to feel completely normal so went off her meds. Everything now is well under control. Lots of great science going on out there. She once told me had she known she'd live this long that she would have taken better care of herself, I told her I expect to grow old with her around so she better keep it up.

Attitude is everything, keep up your life, enjoy it, affect others, travel -- live your dreams :)

Thanks, its good to hear such a unfortunate thing is working out positively! I hope she keeps her head up as well

Do you openly tell people? How have previous relationships been for you? How do you tell a potential SO that you have HIV?

I don't openly tell people... but I am here on reddit lol. I don't care as much now-a-days if someone finds out. Previous relations have been a learning experience more so for reasons outside of HIV.

You seem like an awesome person. Thank you for answering!

Thanks for the good question!

While my situation isn't similar, I do have brain cancer and relationships are really hard for me because when I tell a girl, she usually associates cancer with certain death, even though that's not true; so I understand that stress you feel.

My question is this;

Have you ever encountered girls that you have told, and that have seemingly just disappeared?

Like, they won't talk to you, return your text messages, or anything? I've had that happen to me a lot; and I'm guessing it's because the girl doesn't know how to react, so she chooses not to react at all.

This is a fear of mine, I've been lucky twice to not have one run away. I'm sorry to hear that these girls are not mature enough to at least explain their actions. But your most likely right on what they are thinking, I wouldn't tell them right away since its not certain death. id let the chemistry mix a little on some fun dates and let the girl get to know you first. Then when you think the time is right before you actually make a relationship official I'd tell her. If she leaves then all well right? I don't expect a yes and I don't base my happiness in a girl excepting me. That's just me though. Hang in there man, stay happy

That's a very good attitude.

I'm not an expert on HIV but do you find it difficult to mask at times, because it's a part of your life?

I guess what I'm saying is; does it affect your life so much so that if you don't tell a girl the whole story, it would be filled with holes and sound strange.

For me, cancer is a part of me since I was diagnosed at 4 3/4; so I can't really omit it from my life because it's had an effect on so many things.

I hope this makes sense to you - haha

Yes I understand, yea there are some conversations that I could have that if they didn't know what I had they would be a little confused. It is hard to mask cause it is on my mind sometimes when talking to someone. I want to be like. I'm like this because I had to deal with HIV all my life.

http://i1364.photobucket.com/albums/r736/zwd00/IMG_20130412_024102_954_zps52792c00.jpg

Why did you use photobucket?

I'm not up to date with the internet times yo it was what I used in a pinch to get proof.

Haha sorry. I didn't expect a response. Ok, here an actual question. A baby born with HIV was recently cured, do you have hope for yourself now?

Sure..I have hope for the babies! Haha I think they'll come up with something in my lifetime

Why do you stress the word "born" in the title of your post? Do you feel the need to distinguish yourself from people who "brought it upon themselves"? My best friend is HIV+ so I am interested in the ways in which people experience the stigma aspect of it.

Excellent question. I stress born with it because people can ask different questions pertaining to having it all my life without having a choice in the matter. The stigma can suck whether you are born with it or contract it. But for example my current GF wouldn't be with me if I wasn't born with it. But that's just her. I'm sure there are more who'd feel differently. I for example wouldn't care as long as the person who contracted it doesn't have any major problems with drugs or cheating/sex..just a personal want is all

Thanks for answering. I sincerely wish you all the best :)

No problem and your welcome! Its why I made this ama!

What affects your life more, having HIV physically or the social implications of being a carrier? Do you think anything can be done to improve the image of HIV carriers without it being a public health risk?

Basically ignorance is the enemy right now for carriers! Others are just simply jerks and don't care to know the truth as opposed to being stereotypical. Its sad to know there are others out there like me who have it worse. I am very forgiving and generously heartfelt towards people. I love to be there when someone is in need. I know some pain to help others with theirs.

Awesome question! Its the social implications! Hands-down. If it progressed into aids then it would effect me physically.

Hey! :)

I'm in the process of becoming a sex therapist and I am more than interested in hearing more about your life with HIV. My blog is just getting started, and discusses all sorts of things relating to sex/sexuality/sexual health. I would love to write an article about how HIV has affected your life. If you're interested just send me a message in the "ask me anything" section of my site, and we'll talk more about it! https://evisonvaughan.wordpress.com/

Yes I will do this! Give me some time so probably sometime this weekend we can talk. Thanks!

out of sheer curiosity I was wondering if you would mind telling us what race you and your parents are

Sure I am a giraffe

Just kidding. White and American. Mom has some native american in her dad has some Irish and German. But white we are

I know you can't speak for your mother, but have you ever felt like an outcast? Are there things you haven't been able to enjoy growing up, like contact sports?

Unfortunately i wanted to play football but my grand parents never let me. My doctor said I'd be fine because my condition was stable. But grandma was a worry wort.

I feel like a outcast from time to time but I still love to live!

1. Do you feel any physical effects being off your medicine? Soreness, tiredness ect... 2. If someone has contracted HIV would they know it by 'not feeling right' or can there be no effects.

Kind of the same question. Thank you for your time

No when I stopped them I felt normal for the whole time. But I had a bad feeling...I decided to go in to doctors and I did it at a good time. I'm not qualified to answer the affects of someone contacting it...but from what I know it can lay dormant and not cause anything..I know there are signs to contracting it.. I would research it. But best way to know is a few blood tests over a year or so.

Stumbled upon this thread randomly and I read a lot of it and I have to say (I don't know if I just have a totally different mind than most people but) I'm really glad we have people like you in our society who are so positive and just a plain old genuine good person. I love that rare feeling of coming across someone who kind of inspires and motivates me in certain ways and I'd just like to let you know that you sir give me that rare feeling. I wish you all the best with your life and thank you for being such a great dude!

Thank you man this means alot

Thanks for doing this AMA.

What are you going to be doing / looking forward to for the next year, and what are your big plans for your life? What are you doing for a career?

What are your favorite hobbies?

My career is in manufacturing, can't be too specific because my job is one of a kind-but its cool. Im looking forward to some specific opportunities coming up at my work place that will set me up financially-which is basically my goal...my girl wants us to do the amazing race and I want to too...so well see

Favorite hobbies-guitar/drums,motorcycle,bicycling, bf3, gym, beach, movies, and reading

How does HIV impact your life day to day? Is it something that you think about often?

What were the circumstances that caused you to be born HIV+?

I basically forget about it! Some days it makes me sad or feel a little odd man out. Or if I get hurt and bleed I think about it. But everyday I know I have it. My parents did drugs/used needles. My mom had me when she had HIV. She later died in 96 from having aids

Do you feel losing your mother while still rather young yourself has made you mature ahead of your peers?

I think so. Defiantly hasn't helped me be incredibly sociable though. So there's a pitfall too. I can make a entire room of people feel awkward lol

Aah I have a story to tell here: I was once looking for ideas for a birthday present for my mom. So I asked a friend what she usually gives her mother. She replies with "well, nothing". I was not really expecting that answer so asked if that's a family thing or if she just doesn't get along with her mom. She just casually says "no my mom died and I don't get along with my stepmother." Of course I went all :-| and just apologized for her loss, but it didn't seem to affect her that much so I guess it was a long time ago. Do you get a lot of awkward moments like this?

Lol. Situations like this happened to me ALL the time. I would be so nonchalant in the responses-"my moms dead...dads dead too" and "I don't have parents to be mad at" etc ...the other person would react exactly like you did. I sometimes end up trying to make them feel better lol. Other times it was just easier to nod my head and not put someone through that. But its probably bad of me that I get a laugh whenever it happens.

Did you grow up with the knowledge you were HIV positive (hate saying 'have' or 'had' something like that, doesn't define you)? When did you realise what it meant, or did you always know? Who knows around you? What are relationships like? How do you mentally manage it, or is it just 'how it is'?

Thank you for doing this AMA.

Hey man thanks for asking, check above for some of these have been answered :) I mentally manage it with distractions sometimes when it bothers me, other times-since I'm basically over it, I just live adventurously and with lots of laughs recently I've been into comedy. (Ck Louis). The only times its a mental bother are when I am single and want a girl and have anxiety before telling her. It is what it is. Family and a couple close friends know, a martial arts instructor, and when its a need to know. Thanks for asking!

How was it growing up with HIV? Did you experience any bullying, or were people respectful?

Well no because they didn't know. I've been around people, friends at that, who have said we should put all the aids people on a island and nuke it. I laughed but I thought about coming back at him saying...so you'd nuke me huh? Lol I told someone at work once and they freaked out. A older man who was ignorant. He said I can't pee in the same urinal lol. I had to educate him in how its contracted.

What restrictions do you have with HIV and are you afraid of it progressing to AIDS?

Well getting into a relationship is tricky. I avoid physical fights. No military :( police and fire-dept are personal choices not to apply because I don't want to risk it. Giving this to someone is not worth anything. Which is also why a relationship is tricky for me lol

Step over to /r/firefighting or /r/ems and have a chat with them. Having worked in a rig for a bit, I'd say your chances of transmission to a patient or other responder are very, very low and that shouldn't discourage you. If you're taking proper precautions to protect yourself like everybody should, then you're also protecting the patient. Having an HIV+ partner on the rig wouldn't raise my concern for myself, and HIV+ patients are usually "risky" only when they have developed AIDS complications such as hepatitis.

Police might be a bit tougher since that is more likely to lead to altercations, so I can understand that more easily.

Thank you!

When you say avoid physical fights, does that mean that you dont want to exchange blood? or is it something to do with bruises or cuts, I dont know much about this subject.

Yea to avoid blood on blood contact. Bruises and cuts my body can handle. Its out of consideration for the other person

no military with a sad face?

you wanted to be a murderer as well as HIV+? kill those Iraqi kids fighting the guys who murdered their mom and dad?

No I don't want to do that. Military with a sad face because I wanted to serve my country. I was looking into intelligence retrieval, reviewing satellite images and other Intel to help get results. It was a easy way out idea for after high school. Ive seen some videos out there of soldiers who describe there experience in Iraq and the horrible things that happens. And it makes me sick

Has HIV driven your life goals?

Hell yea. Its been a big part of my character today. I haven't faced a challenge and said I can't do it because of what I have.

What is your greatest ambition? Has HIV contributed to it?

Make a difference, travel, help those around me, do crazy things like hang gliding and skydiving. If i were rich id do a lot of extreme stuff around the world. Main thing is simply Get a wife and kids and be a great father and husband. Be a good engineer. Possibly write a book. And yes HIV has impacted these in some way

First of all, yo science is da man!

Also, looking at latest researches for the cure of HIV, how excited are you about a possible full recovery in the future? Being involved in that, do you think those latest discoveries could really work out anytime soon?

Its exciting but...I'm not holding my breath. I think sometime in my lifetime they will have some kind of cure. I think it will be along the lines of getting the bodies immunity to not attack the HIV virus. In this case the immune system simply won't fight hiv (because when it does it looses) if its not fighting HIV then the virus isn't replicating itself and destroying immune system in the process. You'd just be a "carrier"

Have you read about all the recent "Cures" for HIV? Some say will have anti-HIV pills in the future that completely remove it from your system. Your thoughts? Or will this be a bigger impact on non-safe sex because people can just pop a pill?

I haven't read anything recently. But I have heard of pills to help prevent a baby from contracting it during birth. If it does happen to be a "pop a pill for 'safe' unsafe sex" then I'm worried for the adolescent.. in my opinion there are other bad things than HIV that can happen in unsafe sex.

What are your thoughts on the Berlin Patient?

Thanks for the link! I think its pretty cool...and entirely possible...only on way to find out keep testing the theory and comparing the results right? But again I'm not holding my breath

No problem :)

Out of curiosity if it was proven to work in the other two (one of them was born with HIV like you), would you be willing to undergo an otherwise unnecessary bone marrow transplant? Or, in your eyes, is the risk too great?

At the current point of its development since its not a sure thing i wouldn't waste my time...but if they need someone to test the theory is maybe consider it.

Ok, thank you for answering. I wish you all the best!

Thanks

Is your father still alive/involved in your life?

How did your parents explain HIV+ to you when you were growing up and do you remember how you reacted? How have your feelings changed over the years regarding your situation?

My Father died at 5 so I never knew him. My mom at 7. I was told during a routine doctors visit by my doctor and grandmother, I was in 5th grade at the time. I didn't feel anything at first...I just thought Id never have a girlfriend. My feelings have changed. It can bring me down if I let it. But there's way too much of a awesome, beautiful, and hilarious world out there to not enjoy

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No not really. I've always been good with taking my meds on time and that has been the key

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Oh no I think I misunderstood I did find out in 5th. I was 10 born 10/13/88. I thought you were asking something else sorry

Stribild (4 drugs in one tablet) is fairly new compared to the course of your lifetime. How many other different medication combinations have you been on?

Kaletra(6xday) sustiva(2xday)videx(1x) this was my first concoction of meds. As it slowly depleted my viral load my doctor lessened the amounts and put me on a different on(truvada). Then it became undetectable. Fast forward to my stupid years I had the thought "my body can defeat this" and I stopped taking my meds for a good year...the virus grew ALOT and became tolerant to some of my meds. I was "aids defined" in 2010/11 but was put on new meds (the ones in stribild) and it became undetectable in 2012. At that time I was on 3 meds total of 4 pills. Then my doc said hey want to just do 1 pill? And I said yes. Voila stribild

I've been infected less, both as portion of my life and in whole years. I also quit for a time and went "full-blown". I've changed meds several times, always due to side effects. Sustiva was great while it lasted, but really messed up my head. To get it changed I also had to fire my doctor. How many doctors have you been through?

I feel for you. Ive had 2 doctors. 1 when I was a child then one after 20yrs old

Do you have to pay out of pocket for any of your treatment? How much do these medications cost?

No sir. With my pay scale and with grants(Ryan white foundation) and medical assistance I don't have too. But these mrds are very expensive (450$-1000+) a month. Just for one med. Imagine having to take 4 different kinds

How are you?

I am good working right now haha

Thank you very much for doing this. My question is, what kind of side effects do you have from your medication? I am learning about HIV in school right now and it is amazing how much more effective the drugs have become, but despite that I have heard that some people still have trouble taking them because of the side effects.

Just moderate depression sometimes a little moody (says my GF) lol but nothing a good movie and work out can't fix

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A few of the many movies I love are Lord of the rings(all) the new star trek, and troy.

What's the difference between being undetectable and aids?

In lamens termswhen blood is drawn from me one of the things they check is how much HIV virus is in it. When the viral load is below 50 individual HIV cells its considered undetectable. AIDS is "advanced immunity deficiency" basically there's not enough immunity cells to fight off common things like the cold, which then the cold can kill you. The way HIV causes aids is that the individual virus cells replicate themselves using immunity cells. So whenever the immunity cells attack the virus they loose and are killed and the virus then makes another one of itself. Add this up over time and your body doesn't have any immunity cells thus advanced immunity deficiency (AIDS) medications help keep the virus from replicating itself.

When aids happens your viral load is in the hundreds of millions

But can you stop it from replicating at all, or in 50 years will you have aids?

Yes my meds help with that. As long as I keep taking them I'll remain undetectable

Do you ever feel angry towards your parents for your illness?

Yes I have in the past. But now just on a rare moment I may get a split second angry feeling. But towards the question why? Not who.

I know it might come across as hollow when it's typed through a computer screen, but best of luck for the future and thank you for doing this AMA.

Thanks so much!

What was it like being in the womb for 24 years?

ok now for the serious questions.

1. Are you open about it?

2. How about dates and relationships does it affect the type of people you date (ie. HIV postive or negative matter?)?

3. also if you could fight one person who would it be and why?

Lol clever, I am open about it, I hate to bring what I have into someone's life who doesn't have it but am open to it. And I'd fight the dude who plays "IP man" itd be a honor to get my ass kicked but I'd learn from it lol

Really interesting AMA, thanks for doing it. Sorry if already asked, working my way through but just seen that your parents had both died by the time you were 7. Were you raised by family/friends/social care?

Sure thing! Nope hasn't been asked. I lived with my grandparents for the majority of my childhood. Then they died between 6th grade and 8th grade. So after that I moved in with my sister for high school then lived on my own after high school

How old is that? 12-14 years? I'm English so our school years are different. You've had quite a life, haven't you? You have an awesome attitude. Hope you stay as healthy as you can.

My mum's friend son died from AIDS, I think he's the only person I've known with HIV or AIDS. I remember no funeral home would take his body, they went through about 15 before finding somebody who would take care of him which was obviously very traumatic for his mum. This was in the very early 90's. I really hope things have changed for the better since then though there will always be ignorant idiots, I suppose.

I believe I was 13. And that's really horrible about your friends mom..my attitude after everything I give credit to God

Great AMA so interesting and your view on life is outstanding. Sorry for unkowingness but is your sister HIV+ or was she born prior to your mum contracting it?

All my siblings were born before my mom had it. Go figure right?

What's your favorite dinosaur?

The raptor

Great AMA and thanks for doing it, Have you ever passed the infection to anyone else that you know of? or even had any close calls?

Yes I've had close calls! And its scary as hell! But no havnt passed it on.

How do you feel about AIDS jokes? I know my friend and I will jokingly tell each other "it's probably aids" whenever one of us complains of something hurting....is hearing stuff like that offensive?

You know some may be more sensitive but I actually just laughed at that lol if I was there I would've too. i haven't heard too many aids jokes but when I have I wasn't offended.

How did the the first person you told react? If it was negative and they did something rash did they ever apologize?

Surprisingly they were sad and thought I was going to die. I was expecting the more rash responce

What do you think is the worst stereotype of HIV?

I've become quite close to a friend that was positive. I've learned quite a bit about the virus from him. I remember when I was a kid and my mother would almost demonize HIV. So, that stigma stuck with me until adulthood until I learned from my friend that it wasn't as bad as everyone portrayed.

I grew up with family members who told me that the stigma was horrible and to never tell anyone...they were wrong. Personally the worst stereo type I believe to be is associating it with certain groups of people and in also how you get infected. Like kissing and peeing in the same urinal are far-out

Thanks for the answer! Yes, down in the Deep South where I live, there aren't many open + people. But when there are people go on a bloodthirsty frenzy. Good luck to ya though, stay healthy! :)

Thanks!

I have a question. There are several people on here who said they came off their medication for a while to feel normal. Is that a side effect from the drugs? or wanting to feel normal by not taking numerous amounts of medication?

Yea I'd imagine. Before I was told what I have I remember telling my grandmother-why do I take these stupid things? I want to be normal no-one I know has too! I was like 9...but if you have you need to take meds. That's the norm for this scenario...normal is a word hard to define if you think into it lol

With the recent news of cured hiv cases have you taken steps to seeking the same treatment and if not why?

I have not pursued any because its not sure 100%. If I can help with case studies I will tho.

This may be a little late, but you mentioned you weren't a virgin. If this isn't too personal, how did you lose your virginity? Did the person know you were HIV+? Did they know after, and if so, what were the reactions?

I was very immature and 18, she didn't know but I told her a little later...it was horrible of me and I won't ever do that again, she wasn't mad just upset and thought I was going to die. She didn't get infected thankfully

Whats your favorite color?

Varies between blue white black and green

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There are certain medications that the pharmacy must leave sealed in original bottle says my GF who is a pharmacy technician :)

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She says it depends on the amount prescribed vs the amount in the stock/original bottle. Example, if prescription calls for 30 pills and the original manufacturing bottle contains 30 then you can request a sealed stock bottle lol if your prescribed less or more than 30 then they'll put in a pharmacy bottle

She says it depends on the amount prescribed vs the amount in the stock/original bottle. Example, if prescription calls for 30 pills and the original manufacturing bottle contains 30 then you can request a sealed stock bottle lol if your prescribed less or more than 30 then they'll put in a pharmacy bottle

Keep on truckin' mate, we're getting closer and closer to a proper cure. my question is related - How do you feel about the current research into curing HIV?

Its awesome!!

I have no questions, but heard about this pill Truvada that was recently approved by the FDA as "the first HIV prevention pill." Aimed at lovers of positive people, or those involved in risky situations. It's currently INSANELY EXPENSIVE, but just another glimmer of hope that we're moving towards making the lives of HIV+ people that much more "normal." I wish you all the best!

Thanks! I was on truvada and what you say is true.

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Yes