evisonvaughan112232 karma2013-04-12 06:02:54 UTC
You're definitely in a bit of a situation! If she's telling you it's a turn off when you ask her if she wants to have sex, but then an argument starts when you try and be spontaneous, there really isn't any way to win, is there?
I'd say you and your wife really need to sit down and discuss this issue. Simply ask her what she wants...does she want you to ask, or does she want it to be spontaneous?
You can also try setting aside some "fun time" every week...that is, an hour or two just for the two of you to spend together. It doesn't just have to include sex, but it can if you both want it to. Focus on the emotional connection too, talk about your week, your goals, your relationship etc. and you'd be surprised how much closer the two of you will feel!
If nothing helps this situation, feel free to message me on my website!
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evisonvaughan112219 karma2013-04-12 09:54:13 UTC
Maintaining the spark in a relationship is always hard to do, but especially if one partner craves more sexual intimacy than the other! I completely understand where you're coming from, and it's not fair to you to only expect lots of sex when he's intoxicated (and let's face it, being sober when someone is drunk makes you feel like a babysitter at times!)
If you're comfortable with this idea, I personally would go on an x-rated shopping trip...let him help you pick out some new toys, lingerie, etc. and tell him how much you would LOVE him to help you break in your new purchases!
Ideally you would love for him to always be ready to give a helping hand (pun intended), however, the bonus of buying a few sex toys are that you can always have some fun alone as well!
He could also be experiencing a change in hormones (men, like women, go through periods where their hormone levels change as they age). If you find this problem is continuing, I would try seeing a therapist face-to-face to help work out any underlying issues (perhaps work or family issues are distracting him?), or perhaps have him visit a doctor for a physical and to explain the situation.
Hope this helps a little!
evisonvaughan112218 karma2013-04-12 11:47:00 UTC
I wish I could "like" comments, because this gave me a good giggle! I love "How I met your mother" too funny! :)
evisonvaughan112216 karma2013-04-12 05:56:40 UTC
I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. Life can be harsh, and even cruel at times, but you should be proud of yourself for pushing through all the challenges you've been faced with. Feel free to message me privately on my website (listed above) if you want to discuss this further.
Also, I have two favourite colours: Emerald green (reminds me of being outdoors in summer), and purple (I just like it). :)
evisonvaughan112215 karma2013-04-12 08:42:39 UTC
Believe it or not, I went to University with the intention of becoming an English major! But, (through my own experience and watching my friends), I started to think it was really interesting learning about why people are attracted to each other, what attracts them, and what causes relationships to fail!
I then took my first "intro to human sexuality" class, and after that I switched my major and focused all my assignments and research on couples therapy and sexuality! (Quite the change from English!)
I think a lot of people have some kinks...but what one person considers a kink, might be completely "vanilla" (normal/plain/boring) for someone else! I try to keep an open mind when it comes to trying new things! :)
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