I've been a mechanic for about three years now. Never been deployed, but I was in Korea for a bit before being stationed back in the States. Here's a little album of the birds and some of my buddies. http://imgur.com/a/wdtpY. AMA!

Edit: The reason I can do an AMA is because I am on Staff Duty which is a 24 hour shift. All I do is sit at a desk and answer a phone if it rings. I am not working on aircraft during this 24 hours. And nothing I have post is a security risk. None of the photos risk anything. I appreciate the concerns, but y'all need to calm down.

Comments: 2025 • Responses: 130  • Date: 

NOT_TALIBAN1397 karma

What's the weakest part of an Apache?

stupid_crap1587 karma

The pilots haha :p

Not_Al-Qaeda359 karma

Which part of the pilot specifically?

stupid_crap744 karma

His brain.

WhiskeytehFoxtrot340 karma

Aircraft mechanics, using a high diploma to fix what a college degree fucked up.

stupid_crap299 karma

Hahaha yup for real!

ilofty53 karma

And alot better than military police..

stupid_crap71 karma

Who likes them anyway???

relmfu47 karma

It's true though, isn't it? To an extent. Afaik some guy hit an Apache pilot with a PK or something similar.

stupid_crap72 karma

Well they're not completely invincible, but they should be!!

DisKingShit809 karma



ThatForearmIsMineNow276 karma

redditor for 5 hours

Holy shit these guys are efficient. He did say he's not a taliban though. We'll have to get our Top Men to handle this.

stupid_crap133 karma

I started a new account for this because my other is jacked up on my phone.

SavageIndustries221 karma

Can't work phone properly, but responsible for multimillion dollar aircraft and the lives of two?

stupid_crap282 karma

Yeah pretty much

Not_an_Enemy482 karma

Hello Comrade. What are the launch codes? I am curious only with intentions of good. I am friend so it is okay.

stupid_crap362 karma

Its ABC123.

Not_an_Enemy248 karma

...baby, you and me girl!!!!!! I just buy tape at market yesterday with song!!!! That was easy comrade, much thanks!!!

stupid_crap122 karma

Of course!!

maninthesky76 karma

i have the same combination on my luggage!

stupid_crap48 karma

Say whaaaattttt?!?!?!

Theorex402 karma

A while back another Apache mechanic was on here and said that one night before the end of their shift they stuck their dick in the barrel of the M230...so have you felt the power of the M230 on your manhood?

stupid_crap353 karma

Haha no I haven't :p

dick_wool415 karma

Well if you do, make sure you use protection. Theres no telling how many dicks have been in that M230.

stupid_crap271 karma

Good idea, I'm glad you mentioned it!

stupid_crap149 karma

Yeah I've heard they're talking about moving to that. I can only pray for it!

Blazlyn7 karma

wrong comment?

stupid_crap13 karma

haha yeah i have no idea where that was supposed to go :p

Theorex63 karma

Some guys just have too much free time on their hands. Hope your keeping yourself busy, my brother must have watched hundreds of hours of stuff on Netflix while on 24hr watch. He had the pleasure of being an intel officer aka someone lost their keys, time to fill out paperwork.

stupid_crap66 karma

Oh yes, plenty of time to catch of on movies and TV shows.

dougbdl397 karma

How the fuck does the army think anybody is any good at anything after 12 or so hours?

stupid_crap770 karma

They're all just a bunch of good idea fairies.

Reaper81591 karma

I was wondering the same thing, are they understaffed or something? not sure it makes sense to have someone who is probably tired fixing very expensive toys. how often do you have to do these types of shifts?

stupid_crap158 karma

Its like free labor, just less people they have to hire. I do it once every few months.

Knutvals281 karma

How long does it actually take for an Apache to take of, from stationed to of the ground? My experience in Battlefield 4 is kind of unrealistic :P

stupid_crap329 karma

Haha well if the pilots are on time and everything goes smoothly, at least 30-45 minutes.

NOT_TALIBAN337 karma

30 minutes?

stupid_crap467 karma

Well for you we make special extra fast launch times :) Enjoy those Hellfires! :)

Knutvals88 karma

Wow.... So even if America's alarms were to go off.. It would not take any shorter time?

stupid_crap210 karma

Oh no way quicker then. Downrange the QRF is ready in like 5-10 minutes. That's just the regular training stuff that takes forever.

1776cookies239 karma

Does the Apache have a "Jesus nut"? ( a single piece of hardware that, if it fails, oh boy...)

stupid_crap260 karma


MariaCallas194 karma

What's the best and worst thing about your job?

stupid_crap345 karma

Best thing is getting to shoot all the cool super hooah guns. Since I'm not combat arms its far and few in between ranges. The worst is doing stupid tasks that come up, like cleaning the motor pool or the butt early formations because one person screwed up.

chance3000185 karma

I was a wrench for yrs at Ducati. Every good tech rode the bike after doing anything to it to make sure it preformed properly. My question is, do u get to take them for a quick lap after fixing them?

stupid_crap214 karma

I wish! We have test pilots to do checks.

chance300069 karma

Damn. I know it's not comparable but I used to love putting the customers property through the paces! This AMA would've had a lot more stories, and consequences! Haha

stupid_crap68 karma

Hahaha yeah it'd be epic if we could!

Evomon55 karma

Why test pilots ? are they not as valuable as regular pilots ?

stupid_crap215 karma

No they are the more experienced ones.

HeartThrowUT170 karma

Why did you join the army and how did you became an apache mechanic?

stupid_crap237 karma

Well I didn't wanna do college and many of my family members were in as well. Its a cool opportunity if you are ok with everything it entails. And I loomed at all the jobs they had and thought it'd be cool to be a crew chief for the most badass helicopter ever.

oxbeansxo86 karma

you cant call yourself a crew chief if you don't fly on the bird, silly. pfft. 15R's. :P

the_goodnamesaregone94 karma

Runner upper dude, run

stupid_crap110 karma

This guy gets it.

rickfinkel137 karma

How did the Native American fix his teepee?

stupid_crap207 karma

Very carefully so he wouldn't have to do it again.

rickfinkel284 karma

Apache here. Apache there.

stupid_crap121 karma

Where is here? Isn't here just there without the "T"?

Kaingon15 karma

I think that was accidentally more profound than you meant it to be.

stupid_crap30 karma

Actually I've been saying that for years and have spent a lot of time thinking about it.

Iplaymeinreallife124 karma

Do you fix Apache helicopters, or are you a more general purpose mechanic of Apache descent?

stupid_crap105 karma

No I am specific to the Apache. However, it wouldn't be too hard to cross train to another airframe.

MrBlandEST60 karma

Woosh (not the sound of a rotor). I think he was asking if you are an American Indian.

stupid_crap89 karma

Haha yes I see that now. No I am not, but I am extremely tired.

nostra77118 karma

What's your next goal?

stupid_crap386 karma

My next goal is to get out and propose to my girlfriend and finally settle down.

nostra77127 karma

Oh congratulations

stupid_crap109 karma


DepressedNarwhal74 karma

So you haven't proposed yet?, does your girlfriend know that you will be proposing to her?

stupid_crap69 karma

Kinda. She thinks it'll be a different time though haha :p

ImHereToKickTyres129 karma

Have you thought of how you're going to propose?

My suggestion: Have one of your machines fire a rocket at her that explodes and releases the ring in a parachute. It's an elaborate and massive misuse of government property but it'd be so romantic.

stupid_crap86 karma

And totally badass!

i_believe_in_pizza2 karma

Which do you love more, the Apaches or this woman?

stupid_crap3 karma

My woman for sure!!

TheBagman0794 karma

Is there any section of the aircraft that just sucks as a mechanic, i.e. Hard to work on or just poorly engineered?

stupid_crap156 karma

Yeah the back of the transmission bay where it meets the catwalk on the tailboom sucks. Its a tight space with a buttload of crap that's awkward to fix sometimes.

groundciv69 karma

Try almost anything in the nose section of a Kiowa sometime. I'm very excited not to have to work on them anymore.

stupid_crap55 karma

Yeah I've heard they're they worst.

Imagineallthepeeps68 karma

Do you guys specialize on a specific system or generally do everything?

stupid_crap105 karma

There's two MOS's for the Apache. A 15R is the mechanical side, which is what I am, and the 15Y which is electrical. So between the two jobs we can pretty much fix 99% of the broken things.

lkqjwlejkjqq54 karma

What is that last 1%?

stupid_crap167 karma

Like when it does a crash landing, they usually just blow it up if its overseas.

LAteNutz107 karma

3rd MOS: EOD

stupid_crap51 karma

Haha yeah pretty much!

GroteStruisvogel7 karma

So it has a self-destruct option?


Do they also have ejection seats, how does that work? Do they blow the propellor off with seperate explosives?

stupid_crap10 karma

Bahahaha I love hearing this!!! Nope none at all actually!

Wdwdash8 karma

You don't have an airframes/hydraulics shop like we do in the Marines?

stupid_crap16 karma

We do have airframe which we use sometimes. We have a hydraulics guy, but he's pretty much useless for the -64. We don't repair hydraulic lines, we just replace them.

i_believe_in_pizza3 karma

Do you always have/get all the parts you need or do you sometimes need to improvise?

stupid_crap4 karma

Yeah every now and again we have a part rushed out to us.

deadendstory48 karma

My roommate is a veteran and I'm still active. He swears one of his buddies who was an apache mech said you couldn't wear a digital watch around the chopper cause it would arm the weapon system. I said that must be complete nonsense. Confirm or deny?

stupid_crap76 karma

Hahaha no not at all! But you can't wear watches while working on it anyway for safety issues.

sobermonkey24 karma

I'd assume the weapon system being armed while you're doing mechanical work would be a bit of a safety issue.

stupid_crap15 karma

Hahaha extremely :p

Kalibos37 karma

How does an Apache work?

stupid_crap121 karma

It defies all gravitational laws. Its kinda like the badass outlaw.

robroy78112 karma

Helicopters don't fly. They beat the air into submission.

stupid_crap46 karma

I couldn't have said it better!

GaScan9835 karma

What do u do on your freetime sir?

stupid_crap151 karma

I love driving, fishing, building computers, and I'm also a youth leader at my church.

DrGiggleFairies50 karma

Don't listen to that guy, there's a lot of soldier/Christian bashers. You get used to them

stupid_crap56 karma

Oh yeah I know, those people don't phase me at all. Especially on the internet haha :)

MysteryAssassyn30 karma

Is there anything you really love or really hate about your job?

stupid_crap97 karma

I love shooting guns and seeing the birds work with tanks in exercises. I absolute hate running at 0630 on Mondays.

CalmAndSense26 karma

What does your tribe think about you working for the US government? I imagine Thanksgiving is tense.

stupid_crap38 karma

There's been a lot of confusion on that. I'm an AH-64 Apache helicopter mechanic.

jmact118 karma

Isn't it true that Chinooks are faster than Apache's- Unless, of course, the Apache is in a sling under the Chinook?

stupid_crap46 karma

Yup chinooks are the fastest helicopter the army has!

NewsBinger15 karma

The Apache came out in the 1980s...does the technology feel dated at times? How?

stupid_crap22 karma

Well they just came out with a new Echo model and its pretty badass. So yeah, not so dated.

shmeowPRO11 karma

Is an Apache American made? Surely. And is it put together by using metrics or standard?

stupid_crap35 karma

Its built down in AZ using standard. 'Murica!

DC12V5 karma

I remember reading on reddit that Army helicopters are forever dripping hydraulic fluid, and the mechanics would alarmed if they weren't.
Is that true?
I like the idea of it, but find it hard to believe.

stupid_crap8 karma

Well its not like a constant drip, but a bit here and there happens, especially during maintenance.

ErinDidNothingWrong5 karma

Shouldn't you be working?

Isn't a 24 hour shift against the law. How does the Army manage fatigue for such shifts?

Joliet_Jake_Blues5 karma

Shouldn't you be working?

I feel like if any other government employee (non-military) took time off to do an AMA, the libertarians would be in here having a fit.

stupid_crap8 karma

I'm not taking time off. I am on duty doing exactly what I should be and that happens to be sitting at a desk for 24 hours.

lilSalty3 karma

Apaches are so OP. If a pilot fires off all his biggest baddest guns at once in one of your Apaches, roughly how much destructive energy is the thing dealing out per second?

stupid_crap9 karma

It has all the DPS. ALL OF IT!

thatbloke833 karma

Do you not think that a 24 hour shift is potentially dangerous? Tiredness is a thing and I know after being awake too long mistakes can happen...

stupid_crap6 karma

Oh extremely. But the army has all this free labor. Its super stupid.

Faith_and_Void3 karma

A never-deployed Army crew chief? Wow. And you're taking pictures of the flightline as well as the flight deck? Smooth move.

As a fellow aircraft maintainer (Air Force) i would think twice about those photos.

stupid_crap8 karma

First of all, its the flight line. Second, we all do it all the time. Just can't post open panels. Calm down Mr. Chair Force.

Faith_and_Void1 karma

Your best response was that i made flightline one word? Chair force? You obviously don't fix planes.

stupid_crap1 karma

Alright, don't believe me. See if I care. Call me a phony. Whatever helps you sleep.

ccontraaa3 karma

Hey, happy armed forces day! Thanks for serving.

My boyfriend's in the reserves. You've said you haven't been deployed, so just for future knowledge, what's your best advice for being overseas for so long (for the soldier, but maybe even for the SO, since you got a girl at home)?

stupid_crap5 karma

Well there's a lot of things. The biggest is to keep in contact in anyway possible. Heay get lucky and go somewhere with internet and phones. Either way, send lots of physical mail and care packages for him and his buddies. See what they need that is really hard to get, like the basics. Snacks, batteries, toiletries, magazines, newspapers from home, photos and stuff like that. And always make sure you tell him how you are feeling. Long distance is soooo crappy but it is more than worth it when he gets back.

stupid_crap0 karma

Well that's not an apache, but yes it could. And if not, then it'd be more than capable of demolishing it.

ayures2 karma

Why didn't you score higher on your ASVAB?

-With love, USAF avionics/CDDAR (our version of your DART) <3

stupid_crap2 karma

Actually I scored a 90 on it.

HeartThrowUT2 karma

How was life like in Korea?

stupid_crap4 karma

It was pretty cool being there. Going up to Seoul was always fun. Unfortunately the snowboarding sucked but the culture and food was really good!

Sinophiliac2 karma

I just wanted to thank you for your service.

Did you enjoy Korea? If you weren't deployed, what did you do there?

stupid_crap2 karma

I did enjoy it! And its just lime a regular duty station now.

gaseouspartdeux2 karma

Who is your CIC of scheduling? I want to rip him a larger asshole. 24 hour shift is ridiculous working on expensive high tech equipment. Pilots depend on you not making an error in judgement. You better be getting several 2 hour breaks to nap.

stupid_crap0 karma

Haha well the entire military does it. We get the next 24 hours off but it still sucks.

RZHREJ2 karma

Since your around the planes have you ever thought about being an actual pilot?

stupid_crap2 karma

I have put a lot of thought into it. It'd be a freaking sweet job, but I don't want to have to move my family around all the time. Its definitely family over work for me, but its not like that for everyone.

s0m3th1ngAZ2 karma

Do you have as many dumb-ass FCF's as we do with H60's? What kind of maintenance information system do you use? Why did you have your phone on the flight-line?

stupid_crap8 karma

Yeah we do, I can't answer that question and because no one cares.

cp51841 karma

What's a typical schedule for a 24 hour shift? Light to nothing from 9pm to 9am?

How long does it take to learn how to work on helicopters? What was the most difficult thing to learn? What's the most difficult part of your job?

stupid_crap1 karma

Yeah pretty much. Cleaning sometimes too. And training for it was 4.5 months. Lockwire aka safety wire is probably the hardest and it sucks.

Pink_Sledgehammering1 karma

Isn't safety compromised making you work 24 hour shifts, when repairing highly technical vehicles, later on in the shift?

stupid_crap0 karma

I don't work on the helicopter while on the 24 hour shift due to the safety concerns.

OmgAPuppy1 karma

I'm here in Korea right now. Were you with 602 or 4-2 during your tour?

stupid_crap2 karma

I was in D Co 4-2. What are you in?

godfather_actual1 karma

You have a cool job. It's far before your time, but do you have any thoughts on the Boeing-Sikorsky RAH-66 Comanche? Is there need for a leap forward in attach helicopter technology that the Apache platform cannot be upgraded to and are are Apaches showing their age in any way?

stupid_crap0 karma

Well from what I've heard is that the -66 isn't worth it right now. Its retarded expensive. They are actually just phasing in a new model, the AH-64E. Its a definite upgrade for sure.

Doctor__Krieger1 karma

What is the minimum eyesight requirement to be a helicopter pilot? Just curious :P

stupid_crap3 karma

You have to have pretty much perfect vision. Its ok if you had PRK bit if you got Lazik then its an automatic disqualification.

Doctor__Krieger2 karma

Why would having Lazik disqualify you?

stupid_crap2 karma

Its because of the way the do the surgery. LASIK and PRK are different some how and that's all I know.

QuasiGizmoto1 karma

Just out of curiousity, when did you ship for basic? I was slated to be a 15r and ship out Dec 09, but ended up in the Air Force instead.

stupid_crap2 karma

I left in April 2011.

RaczOnRacz1 karma

I'm currently in the Army and plan on dropping a flight packet in the next year or so after I get back from Afghanistan. How much maintenance (if any) do the pilots do, and is there any way to learn how to do it without being an actual helicopter mechanic?

stupid_crap1 karma

They just check out the bird to see if there are any tools or things left on it and to make sure everything looks good. Its very minimal. And if you get accepted they'll teach you all of that in training.

Paradigm_Pizza1 karma

My father was a 67 Tango (UH-60 mechanic. Have you ever played any Apache relates pranks on people?

My dad told me of a time when a young green LT was being an ass, so when he went to run up one of the Blackhawks after a phase completion, he rolled a Jesus Nut down the windscreen and made that young LT scream like a girl.

stupid_crap1 karma

Haha haha that's freaking hilarious!

paultjeb1 karma

Are the pilots happy that they put their lives in the hands of a maintenance crew who's been on duty for 24hr?

jdf09c0 karma

Nice snivel gear, dirtbag.

stupid_crap2 karma

Completely authorized on the flight line dick nugget.