Your intrepid vacuum technician has since been promoted to managing and being the one man show in his own shop. Now, in the wastelands of "Siberia", he is back to answer your vacuum related questions. No need to ask about Max Extract filters this time.

  • Edit: This is an ongoing AMA, and has no time limit until archival. Feel free to ask your question.

Original AMA

My Proof

Here's some basics to get you started:

  • Dollar for dollar, a bagged vacuum, when compared to a bagless, will always:

1) Perform better (Actual quality of cleaning).

2) Be in service for much longer.

3) Cost less to repair and maintain (Often including consumables).

4) Filter your air better.

Virtually every vacuum professional in the business chooses a bagged vacuum for their homes, because we know what quality is. * Things you should do to maintain your vac, regularly:

1) Clear your brush roller/agitator of hair and fibers. Clear the bearing caps as well, if possible. (monthly)

2) Change your belts before they break. This is important to maintain proper tension against the agitator. (~ yearly for "stretch" belts)

3) Never use soap when washing any parts of your vacuum, including the outer bag, duct system, agitator, filters, etc. Soap attracts dirt, and is difficult to rinse away thoroughly.

  • Types of vacs:

1) Generally, canister vacs are quieter and more versatile than uprights are. They offer better filtration, long lifespans, and ease of use. They handle bare floors best, and work with rugs and carpets, as well.

2) Upright vacuums are used mostly for homes that are entirely carpeted. Many have very powerful motors, great accessories, and are available in a couple of different motor styles. Nothing cleans shag carpeting like the right upright.

3) Bagless vacs are available in a few different styles. They rely on filters and a variety of aerodynamic methods to separate the dirt from the air. In general, these machines do not clean or filter as well as bagged vacuums. They suffer from a loss of suction, and tend to clog repeatedly, if the filters are not cleaned or replaced often.

4) Bagged vacuums use a disposable bag to collect debris, which acts as your primary filter, before the air reaches the motor, and is replaced when you fill it. Because this first filter is changed, regularly, bagged vacuums tend to provide stronger, more consistent suction.

  • My last, best piece of advice is to approach a vacuum, like any appliance; Budget for the best one you can get. Buy one with idea you will maintain it, and use it for many years. And, for the love of Dog, do not buy from late-night infomercials or door-to-door salesmen! Stay out of the big-box stores, and visit your local professional who actually knows what they're talking about.

Comments: 2996 • Responses: 106  • Date: 

mar10wright1219 karma

I loved your last AMA, I took your advice and bought a Miele and it really sucks! Thanks for the AMA man.

touchmyfuckingcoffee732 karma

Thank you. I am glad to hear you're happy with your Miele. Keep your filters changed, and acetone nail polish will remove any paint scuffs, when they occur.

RangerLt486 karma

That's how you know you've made an awesome post, when a redditor loves it so much that they live that shit. Vacuums are this man's life now. I hope you're proud, sir.

touchmyfuckingcoffee356 karma

That's very kind, thank you.

MehPsh691 karma

Did you ever expect that you would be legendary on the internet for vacuum knowledge?

touchmyfuckingcoffee1107 karma

I had absolutely no idea. I'm just a guy who likes a good cup of joe, and a little salty language.

Max_Troll85 karma

I'm pretty sure you are already known as one of the best AMA's on reddit, and I'm pretty sure you'll eventually be added to /r/MuseumOfReddit.

I mean, I'm bad at reddit, and even I know who /u/touchmyfuckingcoffee is. The only other redditor I know off by heart is /u/unidan, but everybody knows him.

touchmyfuckingcoffee48 karma

/u/Unidan is a hero of mine. I am a biologist at heart.

motherstep538 karma

Is your username a warning or an erotic instruction?

touchmyfuckingcoffee677 karma

More of a warning/dare. But, I like the way you think.

worstdeafpersonever509 karma


Okay, so I'm broke, but I still want to keep a semi-clean room. What would you recommend on the cheap options for vacuums? and If possible, what would be a good handheld version?

touchmyfuckingcoffee647 karma

Go with a Riccar SupraQuick or the Eureka Mighty Mite.

oniiesu265 karma

I just wanted to thank you so much for your last AMA. You convinced me to put the money into a Miele canister vacuum and it's honestly the best machine I have ever used. It has amazing suction, cleans all areas of my house, and is so quiet that no only can I hold a conversation when it's in use, but it doesn't scare my dog into a barking frenzy.

touchmyfuckingcoffee174 karma

That's a great testimonial. Thanks!

silence1545262 karma

No question, I just wanted to tell you that I bought a Mighty Mite after your last AMA and it changed my life. I really wanted a Miele, but I just couldn't afford it.

But the Mighty Mite has done beautifully on my hardwood floors and carpeted bedrooms, plus it's gotten all the cat hair off my sofa that I thought was going to be there forever.

Thanks for the recommendation!

touchmyfuckingcoffee191 karma

I'm glad it's working out for you.

IdealisticAfrican236 karma

Do you ever contemplate using your internet fame and powers of vacuumery for evil?

Becoming the head of a ruthless gang of feral cats and dogs by instilling obedience through fear would be just one such an application of your powers.

touchmyfuckingcoffee268 karma

I like the way you think. But, I learned long ago to come to terms with the fact that I am on this planet to do good. I don't even torture bugs with my vacuums.

mdlost199 karma

Your telling me you've never sucked a spider up with a vacuum wand?

touchmyfuckingcoffee245 karma

Definitely not a spider! I usually remove those by hand. Though, I would totally suck the shit out of a Brown Recluse if I came upon one, whilst vacuuming.

Genus_Apis208 karma

I'll be buying a vacuum this Friday for an entirely carpeted, drafty (dust gathering), upstairs apartment. I would like it quiet, easy to maneuver, and must use it on steps. Here's the kicker: I have a tiny hernia and can't be pushing a beast around. What do you suggest?

touchmyfuckingcoffee311 karma

I'd suggest a compact Miele, with a powerbrush head. They're nice and light, and will get the job done well.

Bslo1892 karma

is there a specific brand? Sorry for all the questions, we are in the middle of the research for a new one right now but dont want to kill the bank.

touchmyfuckingcoffee251 karma

Miele is a brand. Just buy the best model you can for your budget.

Bslo1887 karma

thank you for this AMA so much!

touchmyfuckingcoffee122 karma

I'm happy to help.

fortnight04177 karma

What are your thoughts on the Dyson Models, better or worse than the average vac?

touchmyfuckingcoffee416 karma

Dysons are better than most bagless vacuums.

Dysons are worse than most bagged vacuums.

ArreoTheCynic173 karma

If you were buying a vacuum on Craigslist or at a garage sale, how would you go about giving it a checkover?

Besides the obvious plugging it in and turning it on.

touchmyfuckingcoffee301 karma

Check the powercord for any frays, knots, etc.

Check the brush roller/agitator for free spinning bearings.

Check the belt stem on the motor for rust, buildup, etc.

Check the duct area for caked on wet-debris that has gone into it.

Listen to the motor when you shut it off. It should spin down quickly-ish, and should sound smooth, with no moaning.

Good luck

masturbatingmonkeys53 karma

So moaning = bad?

touchmyfuckingcoffee118 karma

In electric motors, yes.

mrnoise11123 karma

Would it sound like a ghost moaning or what?

touchmyfuckingcoffee59 karma

Not like in Scooby Doo.

savyleigh163 karma

What are your thoughts on refurbished or used vacuums? Is it a waste of money?

touchmyfuckingcoffee264 karma

I certainly wouldn't buy a used cheap vacuum. Stick to the premium brands, and buy from a local repair shop that offers a warranty, preferably a 1 year warranty.

Mine is a refurbished

teabag69160 karma

So what has changed in your life since the last IAmA?

touchmyfuckingcoffee431 karma

Well, I am now managing my own shop. Thank Dog it's quiet today.

I did a consulting gig for Esquire Magazine for their April Issue, and talked with NPR, as well. There's talk of a book of my life story.

toniMPLS285 karma

I don't give a shit about vacuums, but you make them sound interesting as fuck. I would buy that book yesterday.

touchmyfuckingcoffee170 karma

That's very kind, thank you.

Karma_Smurf73 karma

I'll be at the book signing, but will hide my broken bissell out of shear embarrassment. Seriously, I have a Bissell Power Swift Compact pet that is making weird noises. Checked belts, hoses, filters everything and believe the issue is related to the motor. It's only two years old and rarely used. Should I take it in for repairs? How much on average would it cost, or should I just get a new one? I sincerely appreciate your expertise since this issue has been burning for a while.

Tldr: my vacuum sucks because it doesn't suck.

touchmyfuckingcoffee102 karma

Thank you. Don't waste your money, repairing the Bissell. Get yourself a good bagged machine, and walk away from that old one.

Froghurt127 karma

I recently bought this vacuum for about $40. I live in an appartment. Was this actually a good purchase or is it just shitty?

touchmyfuckingcoffee527 karma

The good news is you didn't waste much money.

ArmchairScholar125 karma

What do you think about robot vaccuums? Neato, roomba, etc.

touchmyfuckingcoffee167 karma

I am not a fan, and have not been convinced they actually clean well.

DontBeMoronic100 karma

Been using Roomba for years, absolutely love it. You're correct in that they don't suck as hard as a trad vac, but when used correctly they can deliver as good a result. Fail to follow best practice and they'll suck in a bad ineffective way. Top tips for your future reference....

  1. They suck less, but they are relentless. Run it every day or couple of days and the overall suck applied to the floor will exceed that of a regular once-a-week vac.

  2. Empty the bin and fully clean all brushes after every use, or suck is compromised.

  3. Roomba-proof the room so it can easily access as much floor as possible. They're pretty clever about not getting stuck but arrange furniture and ensure there's nothing like loose cables to get sucked up / snared on.

Whenever I've moved into a new place I run it daily to begin with. After a couple of weeks it has dropped so much suck that the bin is almost empty after every cycle, and the place feels noticeably cleaner and dust free.

If your room is compatible, and you like the sound of a vacuum cleaner that works by you pushing a button and then going to work/out for an hour or so while it cleans, Roomba is for you.

Only fails with it are its inability to do stairs or furniture cushions. But I keep a little hand held for those situations (also not living somewhere with stairs for the last ten years helped).

touchmyfuckingcoffee94 karma

I want to know, from experience, whether a Roomba can actually remove dirt and dust from the carpet padding underneath, as that is the standard for being a decent vac, to us vacuum guys.

I've not yet seen any studies to document this, nor have I had the chance to test this. For this, I remain incredulous.

fortnight04107 karma

If you could have the exact make and model of vacuum that you want or always wanted, for free with a 2 year warranty which would it be?

touchmyfuckingcoffee255 karma

If money was no option, I would go with the Miele Uniq. It's simply one of the best vacuums in the world, and has a factory 10 year warranty, which is the best in the business. I would pair it with the 228 or 236 powerbrush head, depending on my carpeting, and I'd get the flexible crevice tool, and the universal brush attachment.

chchad121 karma

$1,499 on Amazon, comes with 236 powerbrush head. Crevice tool and universal brush would add another $70.

touchmyfuckingcoffee180 karma

That's a model that isn't supposed to be available online. I wonder if it "fell of a truck".

ahotw69 karma

I highly doubt it "fell off a truck" as Amazon is selling it (and not a third party seller). Heck, they'll even ship it to you for free.

touchmyfuckingcoffee128 karma

It seems as if Miele has changed their sales policies on this model. They offer some models through dealers exclusively.

chchad59 karma

Not sure, but it looks like the same one can be purchased from Miele USA online.

touchmyfuckingcoffee96 karma

I suppose they changed their policy.

kangaroooooo93 karma

What's the best approach to vacuuming itself? The good 'ol back and forth? Or is there another way I've never heard of?

touchmyfuckingcoffee189 karma

Attack your carpet areas from different angles, to get the best cleaning. It's important to not race through the job, but to take your time and be thorough.

fractalmint93 karma

Hi Vacuum Guy, I'm thrilled that you're back! Thank you for doing another AMA. I have a Kirby that's older than I am, and I'm running low on bags. Where do you turn when you need to find bags for ancient vacuums?

touchmyfuckingcoffee140 karma

If you have a local vacuum repair shop/dealer, you can buy them there. If you're stuck with shopping online, is a good recourse.

-Navajo-88 karma

I need a new dust filter for my Hoover Max Extract Pressure Pro model 60, can you help me with that?

touchmyfuckingcoffee128 karma

That vacuum doesn't have a dust filter.


TjallingOtter86 karma

Could you perhaps give a recommendation for good overall canister vacuums in different price ranges? I think that'd be a useful reference for a lot of people.


  • < $100
  • $100 - $200
  • $200 - $300
  • $300 - $500
  • > $500

touchmyfuckingcoffee133 karma

  • < $100 Nothing
  • > $100 - $200 Panasonic, Hoover
  • > $200 - $300 Panasonic, Hoover, Kenmore
  • > $300 Miele, Riccar, Sebo, Simplicity, Maytag

hankwareagle85 karma

If you could add any feature to a vacuum would you add?

touchmyfuckingcoffee226 karma

A cupholder for my beer or coffee.

What's more important is what all people should have in their vacuums: Bag indicators, brush indicators, HALL sensors, variable suction, easy to maintain.

hankwareagle62 karma

Ha the last vacuum i owned had a holder for the suction tip attachment on the hose, it was the perfect size for a can

easy to maintain

Wouldn't this kinda put you out of work?

touchmyfuckingcoffee117 karma

There will always be reasons to take your vacuum to a repair guy. When I speak of easy maintenance for the consumer, I mean things like belt replacement, brush removal, filter replacement, etc.

billymeehan84 karma

What is your dream haircut?

touchmyfuckingcoffee220 karma

I'm a seasonal guy. I shave my hair short in the summer, and grow it for the winter months.

I'm really fond of pixie cuts on women.

savyleigh73 karma

What vacuum would you recommend for someone who has a lot of dogs? My parents have two huskies and they shed like crazy.

touchmyfuckingcoffee143 karma

In cases like these, I go with the Germans. Those bastards have been breeding shepherds for generations, and they know how to get rid of that hair. Miele, Bosch, and Sebo all are great for dog hair.

freudasaurus44 karma

Any specific ones perhaps aimed at a student budget and dogs?

touchmyfuckingcoffee80 karma

If you're short on budget, look into the Bosch. Panasonic and Kenmore canisters are pretty good too.

Facerless67 karma

Are there any home vacs that could function as a light duty shop vac?

touchmyfuckingcoffee114 karma

I use a Miele residential vacuum, here at the shop, as my bench vac. But, with the bags I go through, you might very well prefer a conventional shop vac for your needs. Residential vacs lack the large ducting and hoses you want for larger items.

Facerless53 karma

Thanks! I do a fair amount of small wood working as a hobby and our home vac kind of struggles with the saw dust.

touchmyfuckingcoffee341 karma

Yeah, don't do that.

sparkplug4936 karma

Any experience/thoughts on a good shop vac recommendation for light duty, wet/dry?

touchmyfuckingcoffee70 karma

I do not have enough experience with shop vacs to suggest a brand. Look for one with a good warranty, HEPA filtration, and preferably, good sound dampening.

AFantasticCat66 karma

Is it safe to stick your penis in the sucky tube thing?

touchmyfuckingcoffee169 karma

More than 2500 cases of vacuum-related mastubation accidents occur in ER's in the US alone.

Do not do this. But... if you're going to, make sure you have a vacuum with variable suction.

bonerjones55 karma

I know you recommend some expensive specialty brands, but what brand would you recommend for someone who absolutely refuses to shop anywhere but a big brand department store for their vacuum?

touchmyfuckingcoffee210 karma

Let me ask you, Why do you insist on shopping in a big box store? What is it you think you're gaining by ignoring other legitimate buying options?

Do you always insist on getting less in life than you deserve?

bonerjones111 karma

Hard-headed mother that won't listen to reason.

touchmyfuckingcoffee110 karma

Well, there's not much to do with that.

Panasonic and Hooser are good brands. Avoid (in order) Bissell, Shark, Vax, Electrolux, Dirt Devil, Eureka, Dyson, and Oreck.

Get a bagged vac. Just do.

mdlost155 karma

Yay my Dyson is almost at the bottom of the list of machines to avoid! After your last AMA we've grown apart. I think she can sense my envy of a newer German model.

touchmyfuckingcoffee77 karma

Finish Her!!

She should be jealous. Just read all the former Dyson/current Miele owners in this thread.

skzepplin55 karma

What are some other uses to a vacuum rather than cleaning?

touchmyfuckingcoffee162 karma

What do you have in mind? I wouldn't try cooking meth with one, but some of them make great inflators for sports balls, beach toys, etc.

thfc1118954 karma

Is there a compact vacuum I can use for both my small wood floor room and for the cloth interior of my car?

touchmyfuckingcoffee110 karma

Yes! Riccar has a model called the SupraQuick, and Eureka has "The Boss" or Mighty Might.

If you're not buying quickly, Riccar has a new, updated hand/portable vac coming out in July. I think it's a big improvement.

ketocorral37 karma

What's the difference between the Mighty Mite and Mighty Mite Pet Lover? Is it worth the extra cash for the pet hair one?

touchmyfuckingcoffee54 karma

The only difference that I am aware of is the Turbo Tool. They're usually ~$20.

lilshawn50 karma

I have a cheapish bissel bag less upright... And vacuum all the time, but my carpet always has stuff I'm finding on it. Is it just a shitty vacuum, a shitty job of vacuuming, or are my kids just slobs with a constant stream of shit falling off them?

touchmyfuckingcoffee89 karma

Well, two of those are right.

Bissell makes seriously shity vacuums. I clear more clogs from Bissells than any other brand. And, your kids are making a mess.

Get yourself a good bagged vacuum, with real suction.

stevothepedo41 karma

And murder your children and make new, cleaner ones.

touchmyfuckingcoffee37 karma

Well, I didn't say that...

NorthernDen47 karma

Are central vacuums worth the money? I have hardwood and short carpet. a budget of about 800$ all in. And I can install the vacuum myself if needed.

I'm looking for longevity if possible.

touchmyfuckingcoffee76 karma

With that budget stay away from a CV unit. Get yourself a good canister vacuum, and enjoy life.

madison1230419 karma

Let's say there is a central vacuum already installed in the house. What would you suggest for a hose kit with all the attachments?

touchmyfuckingcoffee18 karma

Those are usually brand specific. You're going to need to talk to a local installer/dealer to find out what is compatible with your system.

Marsox3345 karma

What is your opinion on Henry (or the pink female Hetty) Hoovers?

touchmyfuckingcoffee77 karma

I do not have any personal experience with them. But, I hear from my counterparts across the pond that they are gimmicky, cheap vacuums.

Marsox3335 karma

Interesting, I have always quite liked them. In general what is your opinion on the (don't know the right terminology) little hub vacuums with the hose?

touchmyfuckingcoffee65 karma

Those are called canister vacuums. I prefer canisters over all other types.

edotwoods31 karma

Is there an International Vacuum Repairperson Convention? Or do you guys have a forum you all post to?

touchmyfuckingcoffee33 karma

There are forums, and there are conventions for the vacuum industry. There is not anything dedicated solely to the technician.

doinkydoink43 karma

I see a kirby in the back! Do you think they are worth the money? ( quality, durability wise)

touchmyfuckingcoffee73 karma

I am not a fan of Kirby vacuums. So, I will say only this:

A Kirby is only a viable option if you're actually going to use all of the accessories, including the shampooer, inflator, and hose/floor brush. If you're not going to use those, there are far better vacuums for far less money available.

Darathin39 karma

I bought the Miele S8 cat & dog after your last AMA. It's awesome, thanks for recommending the brand and convincing me to go canister (our house is 1/2 shag 1/2 hardwood, and we have stairs, the smaller vacuum means our stairs are really clean for the first time in a long time).

Regarding your "maintenance" list - how do you clean the bearing caps? I don't find any info online. I'm not in front of my vacuum right now, so I can't look, but do I just pop them out and pull anything that has gotten in there out? Do you recommend adding some dry lubrication to them?

Also, on your last AMA you mentioned something about hacking your Miele for more power. Can you explain what that entails?

touchmyfuckingcoffee34 karma

Which powerbrush head did you purchase? Just pull out the brush and remove all of the hair that you can. That brush used bushings, rather than bearings. You should pay attention to the bushing holders on the sides of the brush as well.

I didn't hack my Miele for more power, but to have the power adjustments on the handle, like the top-of-the-line models.

Mental_Moose37 karma

I have a Delphin DP 2002 that my parents gave me a few years back.
How does it compare to other brands?
I don't really have anything to compare it to, so I'm curious, though it seems to work great for my use.

touchmyfuckingcoffee64 karma

I'm really sorry about that.

If you find a place to get parts, let me know!

The truth is there are so few of those out there, that I know next to nothing about them. But, I've had folks coming to me recently, trying to find parts. I've got nothing.

Mental_Moose19 karma

Hehe. Thanks.
So far, everything works as it should, so hopefully that will not become a problem for a while.
My stepfather (whom originally bought it) claims that it should be absolutely top of the line and a most excellent product, but then again, he is also the kind of person that believes anything a sales person tells him ...

touchmyfuckingcoffee44 karma

Most of the door-to-door vacuums are really well built machines. The problem is getting them repaired, getting supplies, etc. GTS, brother.

mrsmph28 karma

From your recommendation in the 1st ama, I recently purchased a Miele canister vac, could not be happier with it!!! Thanks so much! :) Blows doors on my old Dyson.

touchmyfuckingcoffee31 karma

I'm glad you're happy. That's just the sort of thing I like to hear.

Theyoungbear27 karma

Hi! I recently bought a Henry the Hoover, you may have heard of it. How long will it last me? Did I make the right purchase?

touchmyfuckingcoffee76 karma

I hear from techs that they're shit. I hear from consumers that they're great. That speaks to the differences in expectations.

i_like_bare_foot27 karma

Why do Dyson vacuum cleaners look so bad ass? Is the coolness of it's outer appearance necessary for it to perform as well as it does?

touchmyfuckingcoffee65 karma

I'd say the ridiculous appearance of them has done nothing but make them poorly performing vacuums.

Dysons have some ridiculous designs.

king_bestestes21 karma

What are some qualities to look for in a good handheld vac? Any recommendations? I'm looking for something to clean my car that I can keep in the trunk.

touchmyfuckingcoffee38 karma

Look into the Riccar Supraquick or the Eureka Mighty Mite.

eatmystreak20 karma

Are hoover any good? And Dyson any good for what they cost?

touchmyfuckingcoffee36 karma

There are some pretty good Hoover vacuums out there. I do not like their bagless vacuums.

While Dyson does stand by their warranty very well, I do not believe it is a worthwhile option for the money.

Get yourself a good bagged vacuum.

jinntakk20 karma

Are the infomercial vacuums all they say it's going to be, or are they just playing me?

In your opinion what's the one brand you'd always go with over another?

touchmyfuckingcoffee41 karma

Has anything you've ever seen on infomercials as good as they said? The answer is no.

Always go to a vacuum repair store/dealer. Talk to people who know what makes a good vacuum.

My favorite brand is Miele. There are other great brands, but I'm sold on them.

auxilary19 karma

Best bagged vacuum: go!

touchmyfuckingcoffee41 karma

There are too many variables involved to simply pick a single, best vacuum.

Best for what purpose? Best for what budget? Best for what environment? I think you see my point.

Bslo1819 karma

My fiance and I have been debating on the best time of vacuum for rugged stairs. We honestly are having problems deciding, can you recommend a brand/direction for us?

touchmyfuckingcoffee42 karma

The Miele Quickstep was designed specifically for stairs and has a long powercord, powerful motor, and a great warranty.

Bslo1820 karma

Should have said medium to high pile carpeted stairs and 1 bedroom apartment. Sorry, multitasking at work.

touchmyfuckingcoffee33 karma

That would do fine, with a powerbrush head.

ZeroAccess18 karma


touchmyfuckingcoffee53 karma

I would absolutely avoid anything made by Shark. They really are shitty vacuums, with ridiculous designs, and a less-than-reputable warranty.

The most basic rule is that you get what you pay for. The best, premium brands all have the best warranties, because they can stand by them. Don't buy cheap vacuums, and try to find out what the warranty/repair policies are. A local warranty repair station is always preferable.

edotwoods21 karma

DAMMIT. I just bought a Shark iron because it seemed as good as the other one that was $10 more. I haven't opened it yet. Maybe I still have the receipt.

touchmyfuckingcoffee39 karma

I haven't tried the iron. But, I'd seriously consider returning it.

ZipMcCockup17 karma

I just bought a Neato XV Signature Pro robot vacuum this weekend. Anything I should know? I haven't figured out how it's going to clean my whole house (~2000 sq feet)

touchmyfuckingcoffee48 karma

It likely won't clean your whole house. I've not seen one yet that could reliably navigate a home that big. If you have pets, be very wary of the vacuum dragging animal waste or vomit throughout the house.

ningrim15 karma

I've been scanning ebay for Miele cannister vacuums.

Are any of the powered floor attachments acceptable or is there a specific model I should look for (last AMA you recommended a specific powered head model)?

touchmyfuckingcoffee23 karma

Any of the Miele accessories will work. The best powerbrush heads they have are the 228 (plush carpet) or the 236 (standard carpet).

nicko37815 karma

touchmyfuckingcoffee41 karma

I want one. But, not because I expect it to do anything.

prunepicker15 karma

I have an Oreck. Good or bad purchase?

touchmyfuckingcoffee39 karma

They are not the best vacs for home use. I hope it's an older XL model, made in the US. The new, Chinese machines are complete shit.

Oreck went bankrupt in 2013, and was bought by the TTI Corporation. It is my opinion that they are killing the brand.

the_dude_abides2411 karma

how much sucking power did it take to clean out John Holmes

touchmyfuckingcoffee55 karma

Your mom said, "Not as much as you'd think."

thetoastmonster11 karma

Last month I bought a Hoover TTE2304 Telios Bagged Cylinder Vacuum. Do you think I made a good purchase?

touchmyfuckingcoffee23 karma

I've not yet had my hands in one of those vacs. But, based on the price, I'd imagine you got a reasonably good vacuum, for the money.

MooseDoesItLive10 karma

Do you enjoy what you do, Mr Vacuum man? Do you see yourself continuing in this profession for the years to come?

touchmyfuckingcoffee26 karma

I like what I do, well enough, and the money isn't bad. I am seriously considering training in robot repair, as there will only be a growing market, in the future. I like tinkering, but it gets more difficult, the older one gets.

Shia_LaBoof8 karma

Not much of a question but almost once a day ill be talking with my brother and then casually ask him "you know what sucks?" "What?" "A vacuum" "Burn in hell" If you have anyone in your life that you want to passive aggressively annoy I recommend you try it out yourself!

touchmyfuckingcoffee14 karma

Not really my style, but thanks.

Thehunterforce7 karma

I have no idea what vaccum bags I need for my Vacuum. Can I modify any I buy so they fit ?

touchmyfuckingcoffee20 karma

NO! Is it so hard to look the model up on Google to find out?

Alimoose6 karma

I'm looking for a good vacuum that mops/scrubs and vacuums hardwood floors in one vacuum. Which is the best choice for this type of vacuum?

touchmyfuckingcoffee7 karma

There are not many options for your requirements.

Koblenz makes a good twin-head scrubber/vacuum. Look into the Sebo Felix with the rotating brush head, as well.

TheHurtLiver6 karma

What type of vacuum would you recommend for a smallish 1 bed 1 bath apartment that is all hardwood? I refuse to mop.

touchmyfuckingcoffee15 karma

You'd love the Miele Quickstep. It's powerful, lightweight, has a great warranty, and can use any Miele accessory.

TheMichael226 karma

Thank you for another AMA, kind sir.

touchmyfuckingcoffee9 karma

You're welcome.

Camaramalama5 karma

Hey, Mr. Vacuum Guy, I'm really enjoying reading your comments. I'm getting married at the end of the month and we are in need of a vacuum! If we were going to get something from Amazon, with a budget of say $200, what would you suggest for cleaning an 1100 sq foot townhouse? No kids, no pets, just 2 adults trying to keep it clean.

touchmyfuckingcoffee11 karma

I like the Panasonic bagged uprights for that kind of budget.

grizz2815 karma

where did you get that fantastic coffee mug

touchmyfuckingcoffee15 karma

It's from 7-Eleven. It's a few years old, and I haven't seen a suitable backup yet.

firstpostgavegold5 karma

Whats your opinion on vacuum cleaners with the "water thingy I don't know the name of in English"?

I got a rainbow from my dad that I absolutely love.

Please be gentle and don't bash it to hell :D

touchmyfuckingcoffee8 karma

I'm not a fan, due to the excess maintenance required by the consumer. There are better, easier to use options.

MoritaKazuma4 karma

Can I touch your coffee?

touchmyfuckingcoffee7 karma

I'd really rather you didn't.

Male_Librarian4 karma

What are your thoughts on built-in central vacuum systems? Do they work well for the price? How do they hold up over time?

touchmyfuckingcoffee7 karma

I think they're ok for new home builds. I don't think a conversion installation is worthwhile. I don't know any CV owners who don't also own a conventional vacuum.

sloppymcnubble3 karma

Damn man I wish I would have read your posts before I made a purchase.

I got a Hoover Platinum Collection upright/canister a couple weeks ago on sale for $170. Thats about the most I want to spend. Should I return it for something else? I really like having both units, really handy. My house is hardwood/carpet with lots of rugs, and 1 dogsworth of hair. I like them so far, sucks hard and my air is noticeably more dust free than my old bagless. Thoughts?

touchmyfuckingcoffee6 karma

That's a pretty good setup, particularly for the price. Hold on to it, it should last you a good while.

kangaroooooo3 karma

What is your vacuum education? How do you know what you know?

touchmyfuckingcoffee5 karma

I have a background as a mechanic. So, I generally know quality workmanship when I see it. I had no previous experience with vacuums, when I got the job as a technician. I've learned what I've learned from experience, working with other technicians, participating in tech updates, researching repair and warranty data, endless video and brand based instruction, etc. I participate in forum discussions with flooring and carpeting professionals, vacuum professionals, etc.

to-to-rooooo3 karma

Hi there! Can you give me a recommendation for my home? I have pinewood floors throughout and a few rugs. I have two short-hair Bengal cats who shed, and a small child who enjoys the finest sandbox in his area. I'm in Europe so European brands are preferable to American brands that are not easily available out here. Thanks!

touchmyfuckingcoffee3 karma

You're going to love a Miele canister vacuum.

drftgto3 karma

Hello Mr. Vacuum Man! Here is a picture of the vacuum I use:

It was given to me as a hand me down. It is a Hoover T-Series. What's your experience with these vacuums in terms of reliability, serviceability and general performance? The carpet in the pic is what it is mainly used on. Am I getting a decent clean with it? I haven't really had another vacuum to compare it to. Looking forward to your reply!

touchmyfuckingcoffee7 karma

When that T-Series dies on you, get yourself a good bagged vacuum. You will love the difference. I wouldn't put any money into keeping this vac operating.

americalexander2 karma

So I'm moving into a house that mostly has hardwoods covered in rugs that shed like crazy. Got a recommendation for a vacuum that will get the rugs clean without tearing them to shreds?

touchmyfuckingcoffee3 karma

A canister with variable suction and a rug brush head would do the trick.

thewrz2 karma

Yes! VACCUUM GUY! I have pimped you so many times to my friends about how awesome you are. They look at me like I'm a crazy person.

QUESTION: My wife made me replace our entire 1400sq ft single story home with laminate. No carpet to be found. What vacuum? (currently using a Rigid shop vac, needless to say, we're not thrilled with this solution).


touchmyfuckingcoffee1 karma

Thanks, bro. That's mighty high praise, indeed.

Get yourself a Miele bare floor machine. It will last forever, do its job quietly, and can be upgraded with a powerbrush, if needed.

no_poop4U2 karma

How are rainbow vacuums? I have heard good things but they seen quite pricey.

touchmyfuckingcoffee4 karma

I am not a fan for how hard they are to maintain, by the consumer. I also do not like they powerbrush heads.

no_poop4U2 karma

Thank you! I think I will cancel my appointment with the salesman.

touchmyfuckingcoffee3 karma

If you prefer. There are many options that perform better for less money, and are easier to use.

vswr2 karma

Is there some sort of a generic muffler or baffle or something that can be purchased or built to quiet older vacuums? I have a Hoover Windtunnel from about 15 years ago and it's still awesome, just loud.

And you're totally right about maintenance. I change the motor filter and the exhaust HEPA filter regularly, change the belt, and keep the brushes clean. Still sucks as much as, well, you know.

touchmyfuckingcoffee3 karma

You could try installing some batting material for sound insulation, but you run the chance of running the motor hotter, if you don't maintain proper airflow.

KillerCoffee2 karma

Sorry, I don't have a question. Just wanted to say thank you for your really enjoyable AMA!

touchmyfuckingcoffee2 karma

I appreciate that.

pancakes_pancakes2 karma

I'm moving to a house that comes with a central vacuum. And advice on how to maintain?

touchmyfuckingcoffee5 karma

Change the bags regularly, try to avoid crimping the hose, and get yourself a good, lightweight vac for quick jobs.