IAMA female cashier in a sex shop located in a fully nude strip club. AMA.

Any awkward stories with someone you know coming in?

Not yet. I try to make things as non-awkward as possible. I mean, it's just titties, and dildos, and butt plugs. It's life. People need a sexual outlet, I don't judge.

so deep

edit: daaaaym! somebody just popped my reddit gold cherry! cheers, brah!

we are celebrating here, and my girlfriend just quoted metro man "and i love YOU, random citizen"

my room mate added: "from zero to hero - over night!"

as you see, we are all very excited here ;)

Oh my god. I am so honored. Really, I am.

It's just titties, and dildos, and butt plugs.

Not something I expected to read today.

I didn't expect to sell the most petite man I've ever seen an anus extending butt plug kit. It's a day of firsts!!

If I may, what is difference between a butt plug and an anus extending butt plug?

The anus extending butt plugs come in a series of three or four plugs that get bigger gradually as you become more butt plug experienced.

How many xp do you need to make it to the next level?

You have to be able to envelop the great American challenge.

I'm glad you know what this item is. A friend of mine overheard a man talking about the G.A.C in a adult shop while buying a water pipe like it was a fucking walk in the park. Said he could handle it no problem now days.

When someone finally explained what the Great American Challenge really was, I nearly passed out.

Oh god. He must poop pancakes.

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One time I was helping my friend move across the state and we put a suction cup giant dildo on the dashboard for the whole ride. We got some awesome looks from other motorists.

I mean, it's just titties, and dildos, and butt plugs. It's life. People need a sexual outlet

...

plugs... outlet

Miss, that was pretty funny.

Thanks :) didn't even mean to.

I also just read your comment about "seedy underbelly". You've got talent, kiddo, don't let it go to waste.

Never. I've known that its my duty to share my sexual puns with the world since I was a wee lass.

Is there sex in the champaine room?

Oh god yes.

Chris Rock lied to us all.

No longer allow Chris Rock to be your moral compass, my friend.

Do you guys sell the great American challenge?

We do! It's terrifying!

anyone buy it who seemed to have the intent on using it? or is it mostly a gag gift? and how much does that thing cost?

I'm pretty sure it's just a gag. I couldn't image someone wanting to insert that. It's 75 big bucks, my Internet friend.

I'm here to regretfully report I just looked up the Great American Challenge and found amateur material of female accommodation in both orifices, and male accommodation. Image searching is too easy and I may be scarred for life.

Oh god. Will not look, will not look. Fuck. I looked. I regret it.

Who was the single creepiest customer you've had?

The guy that routinely pisses in the theatre and jizz booths. Fuck that guy. Really. Someone fuck him so he can stop coming here.

^sorry...

C'mon guy. With the advent of the Internet, anyone can get laid. There are sexy singles in your area!!

Favorite pizza topping and do you sell the fleshlight shaped like a foot?

Edit: Auto correct is a motherfucker.

Jalapeños and pineapple. Please tell me that exists.

It exists. It's disturbing. Looks like someone stepped on a broken bottle on the beach. Enjoy: http://www.imagechan.com/img/7032/foot-fleshlight

Oh god. We don't have it, sadly. I want to check it out.

Do you have the tentacle dildo/vibrator? It's even creepier.

Oh boy. That's reallll weird. We don't have that one.

Tell your boss people have been asking for them. Lol.

Hahah, that'd be great. I need to see one irl.

I thought i was the only one! just add some bacon and you've got a nice pizza pie!!

Such a good combo. I don't eat bacon though. I thought I was the only one too!

Did any dildo sword fights occur?

Hahah, way less than should be happening. I work alone so I'd have to find a willing customer!

STORY TIME!!!! My ma used to sell dildos via pure romance, and my brother and I would wash them and label them after her showings (think Tupperware but dildos) and she had two footling double sided dildos one purple and one black. Well me and my brother would get into sword fights with them and they fucking hurt... Edit. Whelp my highest comment is about my Ma selling dildos

We have those! I often fantasize about whipping people with them.

Well don't do it to your very conservative 65 year old grandfather! He won't be pleased :(

Lucky (rather, unlucky) for me I don't have grandfathers!

How do you feel when a creepy guy walks in and looks you over?

A little shafted if he doesn't put a five in my bra.

heh. shafted.

Glad someone got that!

Hold up, is this allowed? BRB going to the sex shop real quick

I'd allow it. Money is money. As long as I can keep my clothes on.

Roughly how many times a day do you get hit on by customers?

Update: 3 younger men just called me a "beautiful blond" and asked what time I was going on stage. Oh man.

Honestly, not that often. Older gentlemen are most guilty of it. A lot of times I think the fellas are a bit ashamed/intimidated.

Are there actually non good-looking people among your store's employees or is good looks a pre-requisite to work there (not counting the strippers / dancers themselves)?

I overheard my manager ask the girl that got me the job whether I was cute or not, so, yes. There is definitely a lean towards the conventionally attractive during the hiring process. The drink waitresses have to fit this guideline as well.

Doesn't that violate some sort of law?

Probably.

Actually I don't think so. As long as they don't discriminate against prospective employees because of race, color, sex, religion, creed, national origin, orientation etc. discrimination against the unattractive is completely legal.

So now you know. I guess being conventionally attractive is half the battle.

So if I thought you were hot and I was a customer (assuming most male customers do), what's a good receptive way to hit on you without coming off as creepy or like every other guy?

Well, try your best to not objectify me or be creepy in general. If you thought I was attractive, you could tell me I was pretty or pick out a feature that you find aesthetically pleasing (let's keep it pg friendly) and compliment me on it. Ask me about my job maybe, if I like it. Avoid pick up lines. Make bad jokes. I like bad jokes.

I'd never piss in your jizz booth. wink

I'd never piss in your jizz booth ;)

Total connection. Let's go get a drink and afterwards play some mario 64.

You read me like a book.

You are awesome. Enough said.

Thanks :)

Avoid pick up lines. Make bad jokes. I like bad jokes.

What about bad pickup lines?

Depends on the delivery. I may or may not have made out with a man in a bar closet after he used a funny bad pick up like on me.

if you had said you were a male cashier i wonder how many clicks you'da got.

i was a male cashier for a sex shop next door to a fully nude sex club. ask me anything.

no i really was. goddammit why doesn't anybody care.

I care. Tell me a story! Please?

Also, I think it's the dynamic between female sex shop employees and the mainly male clientele.

What is the markup on most of the stuff you sale? Do you get commission? Favorite product

Pretty high markup. I get a bonus if I sell a certain amount during my shift. My favorite product is probably this weird delicious smelling pheromone spray stuff. I have no idea if it attracts men but it smells like yum.

That means it is working

That means it is working

Now I want to know what it's called.

Desperation.

Haha. I can't even.

Isn't that stuff meant for men to wear? I mean if you think it smells good doesn't that mean its working?

It's meant for ladies. To attract men, I suppose. I don't really care who it's intended for, it smells nice.

I've seen the same thing marketed for men, and I always assumed it was BS.

It totally is.

How much and what have you sold today?

Lots of DVDs. So weird. Porn is fo' free folks. Way more shemale flicks than one would think. Sold a lot of bachelorette items (penis shaped things). Sold a good grand or so this shift. That's not indicative of most shifts though.

I find it rather unnerving when me and my S.O. Visit these shops and the girls ((Who like you are Unbelivable attractive)) make off hand comennt's like: "ooooh I like this one." Or "This is my favorite. Good choice." Is this done on purpose? Just to make the situation less awkward? Also, have you ever had someone ask you for reccomendations on your products?

Honestly, I just ring people's shit up and try to be pleasant but not make much eye contact. Shit is awkward enough without me telling customers which products i may or may not have had in my orifices. I had a guy get really frustrated with me because I couldn't tell him with production company had the most tastefully done movies. Men always ask me which vibrator is my favorite but I think that's out of perviness.

Well, what is your favorite vibrator?

The we-vibe II. It's kind of fantastic.

FINALLY I meet someone who admits they use it!

I see advertisements for this god damn thing in the newspaper all the time and I think I know how it works, but I don't know for sure.

I assume one end is in your nasty and the other end is on the clitoris, right?

That is correct. Vibration in all the intended areas. Next best thing to a real life penis. Actually, better than some.

Has anyone relatively famous come into the club?

We've had some porn actresses. Peter Pablo came in but we refused him entrance because he was not within our dress code, haha. Manager caught wind of that and flagged him down to get him to come back in because she knew he would make it rain.

You have a dress code?

Dress pants/skirt, white button up top, and a tie. I wear a bow tie.

What are the weirdest things you sell?

As a worker in a strip club how seedy are the guys you get?

We sell this shit that is advertised as nail polish remover but apparently people huff it to intensify orgasms. Also, our fetish masks are terrifying. There are some pretty sketch patrons. The often are very drunk or smell terribly of body odor. I feel bad for the girls that have to dance all up on that.

That...that sounds just awful. Fetish masks freak me out, that's legitimately strange.

Does the nail polish stuff actually work? How in gods name would that be discovered?

People buy it in droves. And when I say people I mean men. I guess it works? I've never used it but I did open a bottle to used to fix my nail polish. I'm proud to report that it works in that way. It's been explained to me as a lesser form of chloroform.

Well that's even creepier! Its selling date-rape!

Christfuck! I didn't even think about that!

• 1) What's the weirdest thing someone ever asked for?
• 2) Who's the creepiest customer you've ever encountered?
• 3) Has an attractive customer ever come on to you?
• 4) Have you ever had to kick someone out for whacking off? If so, how'd that turn out?

1) animal blowup dolls. So weird. Turns put we have a sheep... 2) definitely the guy that posses in the jizz booths. 3) yes, they have. 4) it went okay.

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Thank your mother for the bat idea. I guess I'll be "beating off the men" whomp whomp. I get between 25 and 50 percent off goodies.

How often do you see younger guys come in? Is it usually more middle aged men?

The younger men usually frequent the club whereas I get a good mix of couples, middle aged and older men in the shop.

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Probably when the guy that looked like a busted ass Henry Rollins asked if he could used the display fleshlight. Or when someone pissed in the trash can of one of the jizz booths and I conned the doorman into cleaning it for me.

Jizz booth?

Yep. Little rooms that you can go into and "preview" movies. Complete with tissues and trash cans.

Well, TIL I guess. That is a way better name. Thank you for improving my vocabulary!

Absolutely!

They're technically called peep rooms. I like my name better.

Favorite television series?

Gilmore Girls.

OMG me too! I could watch it endlessly.

I hope you're a man and I hope you're not kidding and I hope we can have Gilmore Girls slumber parties.

Is there some sort of set routine for you if some customer tries to grab or fondle you? Is there like some sort of safe room?

There really isn't. I guess just call for the doorman. Fortunately that has not happened since I've been here.

Do you have a lot of problems at your job with customers getting unruly with you or the dancers????

Not regularly but it definitely happens. That why we have our strong doormen.

I guess the line between cashier/entertainer is completely lost on some men.

Absolutely. Despite the fact that I am fully clothed and usually scowling.

usually scowling

This usually comes with the whole "working retail" thing.

That's definitely what I have found. I'm definitely not unfriendly, I just have the face of a girl that does not fuck around with idiots.

This isn't a question. Just wanted to say that you are pretty and I wish I could have a job like yours.

That's very kind of you, thanks. I am woefully overqualified for this job so anyone can probably get it.

Reread your last edit at least five times... All I can think of is what are you going to do with a pair of ass cheeks? That or a guy showing up with a gift, you unwrapping it and it's ass.....

Hahahaha. That reminds me of the scene in se7en but instead of a head it's butt cheeks.

Spurs or Heat?

I don't really like baseball.

What do you tell your family and friends you do or are honest about it?

Completely honest about it. I don't have parents or a lot of family so that makes it easier. My friends come to visit me a lot, haha.

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They do. Truly.

Hello there! Here's my question: pancakes or waffles?

Waffles. Allllll day long. Gotta have some crunch on them though.

I suddenly like you a little more! Waffles are 1000000 times better than pancakes!

Absolutely.

Not related: I really like the way you wear your hair, how does it look in the back? Do you put it up with a clip or is it like a ponytail/bun?

It is currently in a sock bun.

First off, you're pretty. Just saying. Secondly, has your occupation affected your sexuality, or made you more promiscuous in general, or are you still a staunch traditionalist?

Well, thank you :) I hardly have ever called myself a staunch traditionalist, haha. I've never been real promiscuous and I still am not. I love sex though. I think this job, mostly, has opened my eyes to what's out there. I mean, in terms of the type of people that visit the store, the genres of pornography I most often sell, and different (often intimidating) toys, I'm definitely more well versed in sex.

Two more questions, if you don't mind. First, what orientation are you (and did your job affect that) and secondly, what are some of the genres of pornography you are interested in?

I am straight, though I have been with a girl before but at was well before getting this job. I like really bad parody pornography. We have a Roseanne (yes, the 90s sitcom...) that is hilarious as well as a Seinfeld and Munsters. I also like lesbian and anal.

Not a question but I just wanted to say that hanging out in sex shops is fun. My boyfriend and I go in when we're bored and chat with the cashiers. I wish you were from where I am because you seem like you'd be fun to chat with!

We also always find some little thing to buy because we hate feeling like we wasted somebody's time. Keep up the good work and fuck the haters!

Thanks!! I love when people come and talk to me. Makes things much less awkward.

Were you ever harassed in any way during your job? Also, what was the most awkward situation you had during your job?

Btw, you look really cute.

Thanks for the compliment. The closest I've been to harassed is an overly friendly gentleman named cowboy in a bolo with a tee shirt and a cowboy hat trying to kiss my cheek. I am not flirty at work and I will not permit men to treat me like I'm on display for them.

Have you hooked up with a stripper

I have not. I did find out that a couple girls I went to high school with dance here now though.

Did you get at least a lap dance

I have actually never gotten a lap dance.

Well I highly recommend getting at least 1 lap dance. Often girls can get away with a lot more stuff than what guys can away with.

I went to a strip club in Detroit once and this stripper with the absolute biggest most beautiful ass grabbed my hands and placed them lovingly upon her ghetto booty. I had to change my underpants. I will definitely get a dance one day but it will be from that glorious woman.

Was she black cuz them black strippers are freaky like that

Of course she was. It was Detroit ;)

how much faith in humanity have you lost?

ETA: you are quite good looking.

2nd EDIT: we have matching moles above our lips.

Whatever faith I once had is now gone. But hey, you gotta get your rocks off I guess.

Who's your favorite Simpsons character?

I honestly hate the Simpsons.

dafuq dude?

Real life.

Have you ever tried a fleshlight? What were your thoughts????

I'm a girl so I'm not exactly sure what I'd do with it. I've put my fingers in it and was surprised by how similar it was to a real vagina.

Why can't a nose can't be 12 inches?

Because then it'd be a foot?

Oh, you've heard it... Now this is more awkward than going in that shop for a dildo that's 2 feet long..... Real question now, what's your favorite part of the job?

The fact that I get to be on my iPad all day and look at titties whenever the mood strikes. Also, I get a pretty sweet discount. Downsides are day shift strippers dancing to depressing shit like Long December by the Counting Crows. Day shift strippers have seen some shit.

You look at titties too? We have so much in common. Do strippers ever dance to one of these 3 songs, 1)pour some sugar on me- def leppard 2)you shook me all night long-ac/dc 3)girls girls girls, if so which ones and which is the most common.

Oh god. All of them. Kill me.

Do you actually get a lot "preview booth" customers? Is the internet that hard to come by?

We do get a lot of preview customers. We also have a theatre with ten seats (weird, I know...). It's a lot of older men that I assume are not well versed with computers and jack off with the preferred modes of yesteryear.