IamA 20 year old on the loosing side of cancer. AMA!

I’ve got to know: is there anyone in your life who you haven’t told the full extent of your cancer situation? And if so, have you noticed that they’ve changed their treatment of you back to normal? 21 yo male here who, after getting sick of the different treatment, told everyone I was cured. Made things go back to normal even though I’ll be gone in ~2 years. Edit: thank you for the gold x3!!!! It’s my first ever (now x3, WHAT IS HAPPENING?!) and I’m smiling like hell (x 3,000,000), all it took was having cancer ❤️

I'm sorry to hear you're going through similar shite. The only people I won't tell are people from school who I no longer speak to.

And I’m sorry we’re in the same situation. It’s so cliche, but keep that positive attitude and, as we don’t have much time, eat as much delicious food as you can!

thanks the same for you too and if you see an artist you like get the damn tickets :)

When you first found out about everything what was your initial reaction?? Also, do you feel like people suddenly treat you different because of it??

People definitely treat me differently. My first thought was "oh shit" followed by how I was going to tell my friends and so on.

How did you tell them?

people knew I was recovering from radiotherapy and when I became ill for the second time I told hem that I was back in hospital and that it was incurable.

Love your sense of humour with your /r/roastme thread, what was your reaction to some of the darker jokes there?

Sorry to hear what you're going through, cancer is an absolute bastard. Are there any annoying habits in the way people interact with you or things you wish people would do differently?

I had a great time doing the roastme, hospital gets very boring so it was nice to have a laugh at myself even though the situation wasn't ideal. I'd say the thing that annoys me is that I'm still me and i enjoy all the same things and I don't want to be treated any differently.

How did you feel about so many replies virtue-signalling instead of legit roasting? I get the feeling you were there becasue you DIDN"T want pity and so many people were scared to play along. I get their reaction but if I was on there it would be roast-city or STFU!

Good luck to you, BTW. I hope you kick the shit outta that horrible fucker!

I can understand why some people didn't want to roast but i wanted something entertaining to do in hospital and ive always been one for dark humour.

have you started to cook meth?

NO!!! UHHHHHH. NOT AT ALLLLL

How has your personality post-cancer changed compared to your personality pre-cancer, if at all?

Also, can you describe for us the experience of chemotherapy and radiotherapy, as well as the differences between the two? How painful are they? What are some long-term effects (e.g. on energy levels)?

I had plans for what I wanted to do in life but now I'm just trying to enjoy what I can, I haven't noticed too many changes in myself but I probably value things more. Radiotherapy is in my experience much easier than chemo, it lasts less than a minute and apart from the burns there are not too many adverse side effects.

What were your life plans, what did you want to do?

It a little unusual but I was learning to build guitars by hand and had plans on being self employed. I posted a few pictures quite a while ago.

That’s awesome! Do you have a lot of experience building guitars already or is it something that you would like to learn?

Ive made 6 and sold 3 of them i wanted to take it further but things happened.

What do you wish you caretakers (or friends and family) knew or would do?

I’ve been a caretaker twice- to my mom and one of my best friends. The best help we received were people coming over to do our chores. I remember coming home after a long day at the hospital to find one of my mom’s friends came in and did our laundry and dishes. The amount of relief and love I felt from that was unforgettable.

Sending you heaps of love x

That I still want to feel as normal as possible in this time, going for a drink or a concert aswell as just hanging out with friends.

Who do you want to see perform?

Dirty loops

Just from scrolling through this thread you have almost the exact same taste in music as me. Glad you’re still around for Dirty Loops’ return!

Let's hope KNOWER get something out soon, they're teasing something I'm sure of it!

I hope so, the demo stuff Louis Cole has been releasing kicks ass. He never fails to blow me away

I'll be seeing him for the third time in march

I hadn’t heard of them, but gave them a listen and I like! Might put it on my rotation!

Work shit out is a great tune also their cover of just dance is amazing

Holy crap I was not expecting that Just Dance cover! They are legit.

I wish they had a tour date in the UK but they don't but I don't mind, I saw KNOWER a few years ago and they where insane.

What advice would you give to your fellow 20 year olds?

Quite simply don't be a dick to one another.

Anything you wish people would not say to you in general or in the hospital? What would make visits better? (I saw a lot of people struggle with what to do or say visiting my partner in the hospital when he had cancer.)

Fuck cancer. Wishing you the best.

I like it if people don't mention the illness too much, hospital gets very boring so something entertaining is best.

Can you be more specific? Cer-tainly?

Board games to pay or a film to watch while in getting the chemo (I had I had mine at night)

Are you allowed to bring an Xbox or a PlayStation in there? Or even a larger tv from home?

i probably could but due to the problems with my hand holding a controller would be difficult.

What is your emotion towards the cancer itself? Are you angry, sad, or have you accepted it?

I have gone through periods of being angry and sad but now I've accepted what's happening

What kind of cancer?

Sarcoma

Hi! Me and a few friends (mostly elder friends of our parents, and their friends) have set up a little thing in my country where we send people (whom have been dealt a rough hand) Christmas cards every year, to brighten their day.

Your story hits home for me, as I have had 3 people in my fam die to this wretched disease.

My question to you, would be: can I send you a Christmas card?

Sure, what is the name of the organisation?

It's called Opkikker, but the card sending initiative isn't a registered organisation or something, just a load of people on a mailinglist that send cards with love to those that can use some extra love in tough times.

I'll have a look

Do you ahve a bucket list? If so, what do you want to experience the most?

Lots of support, brother. Stay strong!

I don't have a bucket list as such but I have got 3 concerts planned between now and march

Oh who are you gonna see?

Next week I'm seeing snarky puppy and in February Cory Wong followed by Louis Cole in march (this is the third time I will have seen him in concert).

My husband and I saw snarky puppy in September and they were amazing! Hope you enjoy the show as much as we did!

I saw them a few years ago and when the opportunity to see them again came up there was only one good answer to give :)

I love Snarky Puppy! It’s always a great show and you just feel good after! Enjoy!!

thanks, im looking forward to it.

Three of my favorite acts. Cory Wong puts on an amazing show! Big fan of the new album as well

I got a songkick notification and asked my brother if he wanted to see him, within 10 minuets we had tickets.

What was the primary tumor location?

Where has it spread?

It was originally on the median nerve in my arm and has since spread to the lining of my left lung.

Serious question, was their ever a possibility to have the arm lopped off?

Before I had my operation i was told there was a chance they would have to amputate.

How are you?

I'm doing well how about you?

Dropped out of college, thanks a lot for posting this (in a good way), I sometimes end the day with 'tough day', but then I remember people like you that are (not saying this in any malicious way) having a worse time than I am. Don't know if you're a believer but hope you don't mind if I pray for you tonight. I hope you have a good recovery. How are you doing with the medical bills? I heard that those are real bad in the US?

I'm from Scotland so no medical bills here :)

Don't mean to take over someone else comment but what part of Scotland are you from? I have an uncle who is from Inverness, the highlands are so pretty :)

west coast, i used to live not far from Inverness

I don't have a s/o I'm not sure how they're handling the news but it's definitely been a difficult year for everyone. People react differently but I'm happy to talk about it however they take it.

Do you find it hard to relate to others your age because of what you've been through?

It's definitely hard as not many people my age have had cancer let alone be told they won't be getting better.

What changes happen to your body During chemotherapy.?

Did you feel something is wrong before finding out you had cancer?

I pray for your speedy recovery

I had been experiencing some problems with my left hand before things started going south, when I got ill again I was having breathing problems and had to go to a&e. Chemotherapy caused me to loose my hair and my immune system went to sh*t so I had a cold which lasted for over a month among other things.

How loose is it?

very

Is there any chance that you will beat the cancer or is it pretty much a done deal? I know stage 4 is when it spreads and I would imagine it would be difficult to get rid of it at that point, but I don't know much about cancer and treatment.

I hope you can beat the odds.

It pretty much confirmed that i will not be getting better.

How did you find out you had cancer? Could you tell something was wrong?

How has it changed you? How has it changed the way you’re treated by others?

I started to develop trouble breathing along with moderate discomfort so I went to the doctor who send me straight to a&e where I had a few x-rays and found out that the lining of the left lung had filled with fluid. People are definitely more sympathetic towards me now that I've been told that I won't be getting better.

Is this osteosarcoma or another type of sarcoma?

It tarted out life as a nerve sheath sarcoma which spread to my lung.

Are you scared of death?

I'm not sure but not really

what's the best joke you have ever been told?

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

...why?

He couldn't see that well.

What is the most ridiculous piece of advise someones given you to treat it? Also, whats the funniest thing someone’s said in an attempt to appear supportive?

Probably people who recommended herbal remedies. I got some good responses on my roast which where funny aswell as supportive.

So you’re telling me that the garlic enemas DONT work?!

Nah they work best on vampires.

How has cancer changed how the people around you interact with you? Have people been extra nice, have you lost people?

Some people end up being extra nice and I definitely appreciate that but it's better if I'm just treated normally, being ill sucks but I don't want to feel worse about it.

Oh, how did you know you had it?

Is it, like, glaringly obvious whenever cancer develops?

I’ve been trying to google what it “feels” like (like does it cause pain in the area), but google just basically says “DePeNdS!” which is probably true, but very unhelpful.

The first time around I was experiencing issues with my hand and more recently I was having trouble breathing but it varies depending on the person aswell as the type of cancer

Oncology nurse here!

What regimen are you on? Do you feel your medical team gave you adequate information about what to expect? (I do care management and focus on education and management of side effects) Have you been able to try marijuana for side effects? If so, how did it work for you?

I was getting treated at a hospital in Scotland called the Beatson the people there where incredibly helpful. The green stuff is still illegal here so I've been unable to try it.

how do you stay positive in the face of grief & your families reactions to your illness? what did your family do that really help you? my mother has stage 4 terminal cancer & I want to know if there’s any advice you can give for her to stay positive & for me to make that easier for her.

I personally like to keep things as light hearted as possible but it depends on the person.

I had a friend pass away from brain cancer. She first got her diagnosis and treatment at age 21 and passed away ten years later after 9 years of remission. I never asked her her thoughts in her impending death.

What are your thoughts on a pending death? This friend could be a big jerk sometimes, how do you feel about people thinking back on your life and remembering parts of you that cast you in a bad light?

I don't mind but as long as there are some good memories in there.

What is the most difficult aspect of treatment? What has been the easiest?

Hospital stays are extremely boring and it's difficult to sleep with people constantly walking in to give me medication also not being violently sick when the chemo kicks in. Haircuts have been very easy ;)

How do you think people should handle talking/commiserating with those experiencing cancer?

It's hard to know what to say. Some people don't want to hear "gosh that sucks man, I am so sorry" because it brings up negative feelings, others don't want to hear "stay strong, you're going to pull through" because they don't really know they will, or know they won't, and others pretend like everything is normal, even though it's not normal and there's a big scary elephant in the room.

It's one thing to take your cues from the person directly, if they offer them, but sometimes it's hard to gauge, or you don't have enough info. Are you okay with any/all of the above?

It varies from person to person, I personally want people to treat me no differently than before hospital gets boring and Ive heard enough bad news so I like to have a laugh mostly

What do you love more than anything in this world?

good company and good music

You fuck with the fun shit yet? If the drawback heroin/coke/crack/meth is that it'll kill you, but you're gonna die anyway, is there really a drawback?

/s

who says i dont ;) (no Mr prosecutor that was a joke)

hoping it doesnt happen but do you feel any kind of relief that it might finally be all over incase you don’t beat it?

yes but there are still things I wish I could've done/experienced

How did you find out? I mean, it's not typical for younger people to be checked for cancer in the first place. At least not where I'm from.

I have a condition called neurofibromatosis type 21 which can cause benign tumors to grow on the nerves so when I started experiencing problems with my hand I was scanned and a large tumor was found on the median nerve in my left arm, after more scans I was told it was malignant.

What kind of scans? Sorry to hear this. Fuck Cancer.

Ultrasound, pet/ct, MRI and a biopsy.

What kind of problems with your hand?

Worsening numbness and a loss of function in the fingers.

Can you work? How's your social life?

Unfortunately I can't work and I had to stop college some time ago. My social life is fine I still get to meet friends when I can.

How long do you have left?

As the cancer was static when I had my last scan it's unknown but it's sarcoma in my lung so I can't be too optimistic.

What stage is it?

Stage 4 it started in my arm and the tumour was removed but the precancerous cells had already spread

First of all, I’m so sorry for your situation. I know that literally means nothing coming from a stranger on the internet, but I am sorry.

I guess I was just wondering if you ever try to use the situation to your advantage? Like in terms of dealing with other people - guilt-tripping, rather.

No judgements if you do, I’m sure most people would! It’s just something I was curious about

I generally don't but if I'm with my brothers I might jokingly say "but I have cancer" if I'm asked to do something.

I’m sorry to hear it. I lost my cousin to testicular cancer a couple years back now. What would be the one thing you want people to remember about you when you’re gone?

I want people at least be able to have a laugh and remember me not hooked up to numerous machines in hospital.

Hey, OP. If you could do one thing differently, what would it be? Also, sending you loads of love and good fortune. I'm 20 too and I can't imagine what it must be like. Stay strong <3

not spending as much time with the wrong people, it sounds minor but Ive only recently realised ow much it effected me.

First, my condolences, on the cards you’ve been dealt.

What are your thoughts on people your same age who are otherwise well trying to commit suicide? Do you see it as a waste of life?

I wouldn't be able to say as i've never been suicidal and I don't know what they're dealing with. Sorry if it seems like i'm avoiding the question but I don't want to talk for other people.

What is your life advice for 20 year olds that are healthy?

Also: It breaks my heart to read all your answers in this thread. All I can say is that I will pray for you and don't lose hope, miracles can happen.

Enjoy what you can and dont be a dick.

What's your favourite book/movie? Why?

Baby driver is by far one of the best films i've seen, Edger Wright is brilliant.

Sorry if the question sounds harsh, I'm not intending to.

But have you had a chance to find love in your life. If so, how did that turn out? If not, do you wish you had that chance?

I've always been single and I wouldn't want to put anyone though watching someone slowly die due to the cancer.

Have you thought about your funeral?

No but as the last year has been so bad I'd like to at least have a light hearted send off.

First im so sorry for what happend to you. do you fear death? Cause i do

not really

How did your arm feel when you got cancer? Something must have felt off for you to get it diagnosed. Was there a warning sign?

It had become numb and I was losing the use of my fingers.

Congrats for the strength and positivity! My question is: Do you have any regrets?

Spending too much time with the wrong people, i didn't realise how negatively it effected me.

How do you feel about death? Did you come to terms with it?

I'm not sure how I feel about death it's self but I've come to terms with the fact I will kick the bucket sooner than most.

Did you try weed for treatment? What do you think about it?

THC is still illegal in the UK I've tried TBC but I didn't notice any changes

What is TBC?

*CBD my mistake

I'm really sorry, that sucks. I really hope you can enjoy as much as possible with the time you have.

My question is: what does the media/pop culture get wrong about it?

Sometimes it can be over glorified

How did you discover you had cancer? What were the symptoms like and how long did you have them before you got diagnosed?

I’m young and don’t go to the doctor as often as I should. I sometimes wonder if I had cancer if I wouldn’t find out til it’s too late. What’s your advice to young people on cancer awareness and general importance of monitoring health?

The first time around (when it was in my arm) I had noticed a numbness/ loss of function in my hand. With my re diagnosis i had breathing problems as it ad spread and was growing in my lungs. My advice is get anything unusual checked out.

Are you scared?

What of?

Is being alone difficult? Things like falling asleep or just sitting in your house I imagine are rough just due to what our minds will wander off to.

I've moved back home but it's difficult not doing what I would otherwise be doing.

What symptom made you check for cancer?

I was having difficulty breathing, I had been given the all clear but unfortunately the precancerous cells had entered my lung and caused a build u of fluid.

What about your sex drive? Does chemo and everything just kill it?

I just gotta say FUCK CANCER and you will be in my prayers everyday. I love how you’ve been handling it, much love!

Dead as a dodo

How often does your oncologist follow up with blood work and scans the to check for any relapse? Do you feel it is frequent enough? If it does show signs of returning have you been advised of any new chemo or radiation regiment?

During chemo i had blood taken ever week but now that i'm out its less often.

What is your favourite food?

Tandoori style curry.

Have you taken any peptides?

I haven't

I'm not sure if you've ever been to /r/ChoosingBeggars but the general gist is that everyone who wants something for cheap or free has cancer. It's actually a running joke over there. So I guess what I'm asking is, ever use your cancer to get laid?

No and anyway chemo would cause........ Issues

Have there been any advantages to having cancer?

Not really, I did get the travel to a concert covered by a make a wish type charity which was good.

Where did you learn to spell?

You talking about writing loosing instead of losing? Sorry bout that.

Have you tried full Extract Cannabis Oil? I know several people that are in remission from stage 4 cancers.

It's illegal in the UK unfortunately and CBD didn't help.

Yeah you definitely need the THC and not just CBD. This is so frustrating. It's a damn plant! Make it legal!

People are definitely interested in it becoming legal but every time it's up for debate the lack of research is the killer.

Have you heard of, or considered the Ketogenic diet (used in conjunction with traditional medicine)? I've read a few studies on it, and although it's certainly not considered a "cure", studies suggest it may help the chances (I am not a doctor or medical professional). I first heard of it on the Joe Rogan podcast with Dom D'agostino (1167) and I'm always curious to hear real stories of anyone actually tried it for cancer treatment.

Sorry to hear about your situation and I really hope you do eventually win the battle. Must be very difficult but try and stay strong and never give us hope!

Thanks. I've not heard about the ketogenic diet before.