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About Susanna Brisk

Susanna Brisk is a Sexual Intuitive® who coaches clients to uncover what they like, what they need, and how to get it. She coaches a variety of ages, genders, and orientations worldwide on Skype, as well as in person at her Topanga Canyon office. She was born in Estonia, grew up in Australia and moved to New York where she continued a successful career as a model, comedian, and actor before switching to sex ed. Susanna is a gifted public speaker, author, and broadcaster who has taught workshops in Los Angeles at the Stockroom and Sexual Health Expo LA. She has been featured in LA Weekly and on Vice, as well as on Fox, Sirius XM,, The MILF Code, and Playboy Radio. Her tell-it-like-it-is missives have been read by the better part of a million people on yourtango, After Party Magazine, sexpert, Sexual Health Magazine, and her own popular site Real Sex Daily. More info and testimonials on coaching are available at

About The Book

Full Press Release

How to Get Laid Using Your Intuition is the sex-positive guidebook we've been waiting for to take us through the complexities of modern dating. For anyone who’s ever had confusing and disappointing experiences when it comes to sex, dating, and relationships, How to Get Laid Using Your Intuition presents a new, intuitive way to be to get our hottest needs met.

Whether newer at dating or coming back after a hiatus, Sexual Intuitive® Susanna Brisk uses research, humor, and common sense to walk us through a system designed to rewrite any negative scripts we may have internalized that stop us from getting what we want, the way we want it. With practical exercises, easy-to-understand analogies, and sex ed resources, if we're willing to be brave and honest with ourselves, we’re invited to reap a more wildly fulfilling sex life than we thought possible.

Full Book Summary

A Testimonial

"Whether you’re looking to casually hookup, find your soulmate, or anywhere in between, How to Get Laid Using Your Intuition is for you. Forget the tired gender stereotypes, dating rules, and pick-up-artist ‘techniques’--this practical, irreverent, and concise guidebook will help you tune in to your intuitive compass and navigate the clusterf**k of modern dating. Susanna has crafted a new language for relationships that revolutionizes the way we connect with others. You’ll be empowered to live more authentically, read people with deadly accuracy, and communicate like a badass to get exactly what you want in the bedroom—or on the kitchen counter, or in the dungeon—wherever you want to get it on.” - Sunny Megatron, Sex Educator and Host of Showtime’s ‘Sex with Sunny Megatron.’

EDIT 1: Hi Reddit! I'm so gratified and humbled by the response to the AMA. Honestly floored. I will continue to check back and diligently answer questions for the rest of the day, and in the coming days, but please feel free to check out or email me directly [email protected]. Thank you for firing up my passion for empowering people to trust their instincts in sex, dating, and relationships.

EDIT 2: Gold! Thank you so much, and also, the book went to #1 on Amazon in both Paperback and Kindle. So grateful. Please leave a review once you're done reading! Meanwhile... The conversation continues... keep 'em coming. I'm still answering questions. Feel free to PM or Chat me a link to yours if you feel it got buried or see above on how to get in touch directly.

EDIT 3: Reddit! (Otherwise known as the new home where I live.) still faithfully answering every question I can get my hands on. I am committed to getting to every last one. Thank you for your openness and honesty in sharing your stories with me (and the internet). I am certain that each one of them made someone feel less ‘weird’ and alone.

Comments: 2326 • Responses: 44  • Date: 

jseyfer2415 karma


So, here you are doing an AMA and no customers yet. It’s always awkward when that happens. I’ll be on here and some kid who just floated here on a raft from Cuba throws up an AMA and it’s crickets. So almost out of a sense of duty, I’ll ask him if he’s ever tried a Three Musketeer’s Bar or something to get the conversation going.

I’ve been married for 22 years to the woman I love so sex isn’t a problem for me. We just stopped doing it a few years ago. Easy. One thing off both of our lists, right?

So... ahem... Want to say a little something about yourself? It’s an interesting line of work. Does one’s sense of intuition work on other areas in life? Can intuition be honed? What I mean is- is it possible to increase your sense of intuition or are we stuck with the intuition we’re born with?

Are those even good questions? I have no idea. If that’s dumb we can switch to something else if you’d prefer.

Have you ever tried a Three Musketeer’s Bar? 😶

susannabrisk427 karma

A Three Musketeer's Bar sounds like a sex thing ;-) I absolutely believe that the intuitive gift can be honed and refined over time. People pay me money to look at profile pics and other pictures of potential partners, so I know I'm good at it, but if I didn't feel you could develop it too, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing ;-) It's interesting what you mention about you and your wife, thank you for sharing. Do you identify as asexual or demisexual? If not, how do you get your sexual needs met? Do you have an agreement that she can get her sexual needs met in other ways?

jseyfer2388 karma

No. We both just lost interest.

She’s 12 years older than I am and isn’t in the best of health. She’s on medication that lowers her libido. She used to occasionally want sex but had a really hard time reaching orgasm.

So, one Saturday afternoon, I’m watching the ball game while she was resting in the bedroom. A commercial came on for Subway and I realized I was starving. I get up to go make a sandwich when she calls out. I go in the bedroom and she tells me she’d like to try. My stomach growls in protest- but what can I say?

So I jump in bed and we spend the next 6-8 minutes getting our foreplay on and I climb aboard. It had been around 2 months since this golden opportunity had last come my way- so you pretty much could have used my performance to time a soft boiled egg.

But now it’s her turn. So I grab her rabbit and start working her up with that, and she’d get close to orgasm but then she’d lose it. We had a stronger vibrator in the drawer but it needed batteries.

“I’ll be right back. Keep thinking about George Clooney or whoever it is you do when we’re at this.”

I go downstairs and rummage through the kitchen drawer where we keep the spare batteries. I get the ones I need and stop: we’d just gotten a nice, fat rotisserie chicken at Sam’s Club the night before, so I break off a leg and run back upstairs.

Clenching the drumstick between my teeth, I insert the fresh batteries and hand her the thrumming device.

She’s got her eyes closed.

This chicken is fucking amazing!

Eyes closed tight in fierce concentration. Moaning.

“You’re doin’ great, Honey! Don’t look at me. Just keep doing your thing!”

She stops. Eyes still closed: “Are you eating?!?

“Um... what?”

“Why do I smell chicken?”

“I’m sorry. It’s just a snack. Don’t mind me. I’m with you, Sexy Girl. Work that thang! Whoo-whoo!”

“You’re EATING???”

“Don’t look! I’m not proud of this!”

“I don’t believe you! My God, John!”

“Whaaat? I’m starving! What about my needs, Baby?!?”

And as it happened, that was the last time we did it. Everything is fine between us except we don’t do that.

Weird or semi-normal? I’m 55 and she’s 67.

Ezl502 karma

Oh Jesus.

jseyfer439 karma

What? Should I have just gone for a banana? Probably, right?

susannabrisk482 karma

You know, weirdly enough, the chicken was probably better! A banana has a lot of sugar that would unbalance her vaginal ph even more. That said, GREAT STORY! Not even the weirdest or kinkiest I've heard, but a great advertisement for having a large assortment of body safe silicone sex toys on hand. If your wife is on meds that affect her libido, and you are meeting your sexual needs in other ways, then there is no problem, so we don't need to make one! However, if you're finding yourself climbing the walls, then it is important to take your own needs seriously, because no matter how old we are, no one knows how much time we have left on this planet. Read my book ;-) Thank god it wasn't a live chicken, they can't consent...

jseyfer265 karma

Lol! Nice one! I am buying your book! You’re a great sport!

susannabrisk188 karma

Thank you! So have you!

4kidsinatrenchcoat176 karma

I’m so disappointed this exchange is over. I was just settling in for what I was hoping was gonna be at least 20 minutes of banter.

TheLordVader41 karma

I feel like too much emphasis is placed on climax both for women and man. Everything about sex is orgasm when we insert climax as just one stage in orgasm... I noticed that when I focus on sensation (all of them that are happening with touch and intimacy) I feel more nourished than when I or my partner are just pumping or pulling for climax.

susannabrisk28 karma

So glad to read this. Chapter one in my book: To Get Laid Stop Focusing on Getting Laid. Not only is orgasm not the trophy it's sold to us as, but neither is penetrative sex. I love the word 'nourished'. You are the future.

ATReade117 karma

Absolute gold dust, when you start a podcast your first sub is right here

jseyfer582 karma

Thank you. But I didn’t mean to ‘jack this lady’s post. This is honestly how our lives have gone. We’re best buds, but with her problem, sex became too much like work. I mean- you ever try fingering somebody for 45 minutes? It’s insane! You’re working it and working it and she gets close- and soon as you think the agony is about to end she tells me I “Lost it”.

“Whaaat? Whaddya’ mean? We were doing good!”

“No. You moved.”

(Wiping hand off on curtain next to bed)

“I didn’t move! Don’t tell me I moved! That... thing of yours- it has a mind of its own! You’re the only woman I’ve ever met who’s got a traveling clitoris!”

“Aggghh! So frustrating! I was SO close!”

“Nice. Now I’ve got carpel tunnel and a guilt complex!”

susannabrisk387 karma

"Keep doing what you're doing" might be the most underrated of bedroom communications.

lostmyselfinyourlies66 karma

Everything is so not fine, dude...

susannabrisk180 karma

Hey, don't drumstick shame. #notalldrumsticks

jseyfer67 karma

I’ll wait for the author to chime in. I’m sure she’ll tell me this happens to everyone at some point.

susannabrisk94 karma

Hahaha. Some version of everything has probably happened to somebody at some point. But a chicken leg is pretty unique I grant you...

xbgpoppa46 karma

You need to go for the trifecta.

susannabrisk53 karma

What's the trifecta?

Thx4theFish4274 karma


Wow, thanks. Never heard of that. I'm long married but I have always wondered why in the past I would be attracted to someone but have trouble with sex unless there was already some intimacy established. TIL

susannabrisk41 karma

Oh yay!

BreadOfLoafer1365 karma

You help people who need to get laid? Reddit welcomes you. Edit: Spyelling

susannabrisk521 karma

Hahaha thank you! I have repeatedly been told that I'm doing the 'lord's work' and I think it is true to the extent that the more people get laid with the kind of sex they want with the kind of people they want it with, the more peaceful our world will be! Thanks again for the laugh, have been typing for 4 hours straight and needed it.

gilliganxr35984 karma

Is there an exercise or technique I can use to prevent premature ejaculation? Trying to say the alphabet backwards doesn't seem to help anymore.

UpperEch2356 karma

Look, as a man who has suffered from this in the past I’ll tell you what helped me. Disclaimer: this may not be the healthiest approach.

A friend and I were talking about this subject once, and he is a supremely confident guy, married with kids, awesome person. He said it’s all mental. 100%. It’s all in your brain. There’s no trick or shortcut. Next time you have sex, get in the right frame of mind as it starts to get hot and heavy. Realize that you’re about to put that work in. And then go out there and put that work in. Don’t be surprised by the fact that you’re getting laid. Don’t be overwhelmed by how good it feels. Do your job. And after 10 minutes or whatever, you’ll realize you’re crushing it. At that point you’re free. Get lost in how good it feels. Cum whenever you want. Your partner will be stoked that she got you off, and you will probably have just had the best sex of your life, because you know you got her off also

Couple notes: -It’ll probably still happen from time to time no matter what, and it’s not a big deal. If you’ve made a habit of crushing it, that will probably be a nice/funny little ego boost to your partner

-EAT. THE. PUNANI. Make yourself an absolute aficionado of oral pleasure. It will pay dividends

susannabrisk1425 karma

I fucking love this guy! This is a great example of an intuitive rather than an ego- or fear-based approach. When you are responsive to your partner it puts you in a less 'endgame' frame of mind. That's what kills a lot of people who've been socialized male, this toxic expectation that you have to be a 'something' as opposed to really being down for this particular experience with this particular (in this case) woman. Keep eating it, my friend. You're doing god's work.

CynicalCouch283 karma

By replying to this comment I am fully aware it is implied then that I too suffer premature ejaculation.

Regardless I am genuinely curious what her response could be to this or if she does at all.

susannabrisk633 karma

There are many resources on the internet and IRL for dealing with premature ejaculation from practicing with a Fleshlight to masturbating to reduce sensitivity to many other methods. We have come a long way from repeating "Baseball, apple pie, and Chevrolet," maybe because just thinking about these things might make some Americans cum ;-) I don't want to trivialize your question, because it is a serious one that has likely caused you at least some level of frustration or upset. What I coach people on, and talk about in the book, is strengthening the connection between the Cerebral, the Emotional, and the Genital. If you're cumming quickly, in my way of working it is probably connected to something you either think about yourself, or feel about the other person or yourself, as opposed to strictly a mechanical or Genital issue. We would set about uncovering where the connection between these three parts is being disrupted. Losing control is an admirable trait in the bedroom, and it is so unfortunate that so many people socialized male have been taught that they have to "perform" when it comes to sex. We would work on lowering the pressure you're feeling, so you're more free to create the experience you want for yourself and your partner.

CynicalCouch258 karma

This is a complicated and interesting answer for a problem I’ve heard a lot of people sum up as just one shameful issue. Neat.

PurpleAriadne253 karma

Also, maybe stop considering it "premature" and see how quickly you can get hard again. I am not a therapist but my marriage was plagued by bad sex. He would try to hang on to his 1st hard (which wasn't very long) and then fall asleep right after.

What I've learned from a new partner who is a repeater is my best orgasms come from his 3rd or 4th go. Now he isn't nearly as hard, sometimes barely, but because we are fluid bonded the lubrication left behind creates an entirely different experience. Usually by this point I am on top and his member is primarily used as a clitoral stimulas. His first orgasm is my warm-up and I love riding that wave with him. My last and most potent may not do much for him but he loves riding that wave with me.

susannabrisk20 karma

This is a great, creative example of what happens when you reframe your idea of 'too fast,' 'too soft,' 'not wet enough,' and all the ways in which we pathologize our responses. I love the book 'Come As Your Are" because Emily Nagoski talks about arousal non-concordance and how much we compound things by adding a layer of, "There must be something wrong if..."

agwe21 karma

We would work on lowering the pressure you're feeling, so you're more free to create the experience you want for yourself and your partner.

I've read this answer before and never understood it.

Pressure to hold out is not what makes men orgasm too quickly. The pressure only exists in the first place because men naturally orgasm too quickly.

For most men, if they just let themselves go, they would orgasm too quickly and it wouldn't create the experience they or their partner wants...

susannabrisk87 karma

I don't think you can say "most men orgasm too quickly" without data to back that up. I have known many men who have trouble reaching orgasm even after hours of fucking. This is why I resist giving 'advice' because I don't know the 10,000 circumstances that have made you who you are, or are specifically affecting you at this time. Generally, I have noticed with both clients and my own experiences that there is some level of 'energetic tension' or some patterns of being that get repeated over and over and are reinforced by 'compound emotions'--the feeling we have about something that happens rather than the thing itself. When we can start to take off some of the "IT MUST BE BAD THAT THAT HAPPENED" and really see what is operating for that individual. If you've seen a doctor and ascertained that there is no biological reason why you have to cum quickly, then the reasons are more psychological, or in my way of working 'ontological' or 'energetic.' Of course if this kind of approach doesn't make sense to you, then that is valid for you and I won't attempt to change anyone's mind on this or any other thread ;-)

dMarrs64 karma

Do you clear the pipes before a date? Doesnt hurt to rub one out beforehand.

susannabrisk234 karma

That doesn't work for everyone, but is a good idea in my experience. It may also make you less 'desperate' because you know that whatever happens, you can always give yourself a satisfying orgasm at the end of a date (like later at home, not over desert).

Hautamaki759 karma

What do you think of the 'step 1--be attractive' meme? Is that harmless fun, a harmful misconception, or 'funny because it's true'?

jd09092852 karma

Figured I could lend some insight here.

I am an attractive guy and have worked out for years. Back in college, I played guitar (lots of open mic's), sang, had muscles, and was a good looking dude. Getting laid wasn't too difficult.


I had a friend of mine, who was pretty ugly. Talking like, 2/10. Overweight as well.

... And he got way hotter girls, way more often than I did.


Easy. He had personality. He was the life of the party, he was super outgoing and was fucking hilarious.

Women love that shit. Guys put much, much more emphasis on physical attraction than women do.

Men care how you look. Women care how you make them feel.

EDIT: /u/honestduane you sum bitch! Appreciate the gilding.

susannabrisk942 karma

Wish I could upvote this 1,000 times.

pnloyd161 karma

I have social anxiety, am socially akward. Have no issues because I do step 1, it's true for sure.

qqqsimmons49 karma

step 2 should be: be around women who you are attracted to and want to have intercourse with.

susannabrisk232 karma

I think 'waiting out' platonic relationships to see if they might turn into sex can be a painful approach. Surrounding yourself with people who are turned on by the same things as you are might be more sustainable.

ThugLifeTom412 karma

I’m a male, divorced and under 30, never really have had the confidence to be vulnerable with many women. But I do have a high desire for monogamous sexual relationships and companionship. Ive gone years without sexual partners/intimacy and seems like when I do encounter intimacy its great until its not and most of the time there is no closure to the ending.

Can your intuition be hindered by co-dependency within intimate relationships?

Pretty much any advice? 😬

susannabrisk292 karma

I address this in the book. I think we are a little too quick to diagnose ourselves as "co-dependent" or someone else as a "narcissist." Rather than trying to pathologize, what is it about you that you feel is co-dependent? Not having the 'confidence to be vulnerable' is a very real tendency that has been faithfully inputted in you by a culture that seeks to disallow the right for men to show vulnerability. So, having this tendency actually makes you 'normal,' unless you can escape this cultural programming to create a new paradigm for yourself. Is there something that happened in your past that you feel might make it harder for you to be vulnerable?

Rcirae20332 karma

I just married the love of my life. We’ve been together for six years all together, but I’ve never been in a relationship with a person who identifies as asexual (which my husband sometimes does).

How do I not have hurt feelings and misconstrue his asexualism for dislike of my body and sexuality?

Also, How do I entice him to be more sexual (to match my needs)?

susannabrisk246 karma

This is such a tough one! Mismatched sexual needs are a huge cause of problems in relationships, most especially when it comes to thinking you can 'change' someone. At this point, I think it is really important that you validate that your sexual needs as important. Period. Also, someone being asexual has absolutely nothing to do with your body, or even anything to do with you. You cannot 'entice' a giraffe into becoming a lemur. Being asexual or demisexual is in his DNA, just as having a normal, healthy appetite is in yours (and being asexual is also normal, for asexual folks). I urge you to consider coaching with me, or hiring some other sex professional, to start to parse out the ways that you can get your valid needs met before you threaten the wonderful connection that is between you. I speak from hard won personal experience, and I absolutely believe that you can create a life in which most of your needs are met, most of the time. Knowing what options are available, as well the conversations that need to be had (and when to have them) is key.

Rcirae2073 karma

Thank you, Ms Brisk, for such a well though reply. I don’t expect to change him, I don’t want to. I married him because I love him, with or without sex. I am vocal about my needs to him, and we work through it. I will be seeking out a sex therapist in the near future to get some help.

susannabrisk41 karma

That is wonderful to hear! You're so welcome.

KSwhovian36 karma

As a parent of twins who works 45 hours a week opposite my equally hard working husband, I thank you for this. I have come to the realization that I may be asexual. It's been ridiculously difficult to reconcile his over-drive sex urges with my completely non-existent ones.

It's really damaging emotionally to me to deal with this sometimes, and I know he isn't forcing me in to anything, but it's still hard to deal with sometimes when he acts like its the end if the world for him not to get regular sex.

I'm going to just try not to cry now, because it's absolutely amazing to see a sexual teacher recognizing and dealing with asexuality in a positive, helpful way.

susannabrisk20 karma

Thank you so much for the acknowledgment! Beyond the personal, I understand how painful it can be to feel at odds with the messaging we get culturally about sex, and it makes no difference if you feel you want it 'too much' or 'not enough,' it is still designed to make you feel bad about yourself. I hope that you and your husband can work on ways to respect both of your needs, no matter how they differ, in a manner that feels good to you both.

LeafInTheBrokenWind215 karma

My girlfriend doesn’t know her kinks. Besides trying every little thing, what would be a good way for us to find out what she craves? She isn’t conservative, but she doesn’t watch porn or masturbate or anything like that.

latinamuslim159 karma

Not everyone has kinks? If your girlfriend has sex with you, why is there a need to push for her to have kinks?

I don't crave much of anything except alone time. Sex is Sex and while it's amazing and enjoyable I don't give it more attention than other aspects of my life.

Maybe try having better vanilla sex? Is she having amazing orgasms? If not she might not think sex is that great. If you're not truly intimate meaning emotionally connected during sex it's no use looking for kinks. The baseline of pleasure isn't there

LeafInTheBrokenWind55 karma

I guess I meant kinks as in what she likes during sex. She just doesn’t really know what she likes. She knows she can’t come from penetration alone and that’s about it.

When we have sex she enjoys it, I just want to make it amazing for her, not just great. I don’t know, maybe I’m just a perfectionist. I just want to make her happy.

susannabrisk108 karma

Here's the thing, there is an opportunity here for your gf to uncover what it is she's into, but it can't be simply at your urging. The process can be slow and difficult, and if someone feels that nothing is missing, and that they're happy with simple penetrative intercourse, they may not want to rock the boat which is perfectly fine. I would have her check out that's a good one as well as, a new sex ed online platform. These don't require sitting in a room with other people, and may start to have her get in touch with her sensual self. Many sex educators (including myself) recommend that women start out checking out their vulvas and clits and bits in a hand mirror, and really start to get familiar and comfortable with themselves, as opposed to a vague 'down there.' You cannot do this for your gtf, she has to be willing and feeling an urge to explore. As someone who sleeps with her, you may have a little too much skin in the game.

SusieSuze93 karma

I always thought intuition was just being super observant. Making certain moves and observing responses...

I’d imagine asking good questions helps too.

What else is involved?

susannabrisk113 karma

Intuition is what happens BEYOND observation. It's the ability to synthesize all the clues and facts, and then make a determination that may even seem irrational, but takes what you observe into account. It is very much about tuning into what's happening in your body when you observe someone or something, what is it telling you? I have a grounding exercise in the book that helps you tune into your physical sensations to develop this kind of innate intelligence. Some people call this "somatic" work, as "somatic" means "of the body." It's the different between an "idea" and something that motivates you to take actions from your core.

Fredstien85090 karma


susannabrisk187 karma

Oh my dear, thank you for this. There are so many people who have given up on thinking they will ever get laid, but I assure you it is possible for everyone. I say in the book that everyone is fuckable, because everyone has people that match their Fuck Frequency perfectly. Or as people say in the South, "There's a lid for every pot." Do you feel comfortable sharing more personal details of your own experience?

rezonanaddict71 karma

What if your intuition fucks up your life?

I followed my intuition into a secret affair with a smoking hot runner. We could read each other like a book, effortlessly switch sub/dom roles on the fly, and on a couple occasions when it was possible spent all day wrapped up in each other. She expected me to change in some core ways though, mostly related to my fluctuating mental health. Then one night she called me, drunk, threatening to slit her wrists. Things actually got worse from there... rather than go into detail I'll sum it up as, "rape allegations against me and male members of her family."

Ever since I haven't had a satisfying sexual experience, but I've also purposefully avoided experiences because of how FUBAR my experience is.

Since you're a sexpert maybe you can give some input that unfucks my head about the whole situation.

susannabrisk93 karma

Thank you for sharing this! I deal with this very specifically in the book. Just because you believe your instincts led you into trouble before, doesn't mean you have to shelve them entirely. in fact, it's a sign that you are in touch with what our needs are, and for whatever reason, you had to have this experience with this particular person. Of course, I am sorry to hear about the chaos you experienced in this instance (especially when it splashed back to your family) but I think your clues lie in the 'fluctuating mental health' observation. Many times people we become involved with represent an opportunity for growth, and we can't always control whether we (or the other person) are ready to take up the opportunity and handle any issues we need to to have a positive experience going forward. These are nuanced issues that have to be unraveled over time, but your question lets me know that the last thing you should do is decide your intuition is not worth listening to. You can harness the fact that you understand the kind of sex you are interested in to attract a more optimal situation that inspires you to handle parts of your life you may have been avoiding, and inspires the same in someone else. Some people are attracted to more emotionally unstable people, and I don't see this as a negative but more as proof that we are not 'broken' because we have mental health issues. Not everyone wants to be with Suzy Stable-pants or Johnny Wholesome.

cdrdhl69 karma

I could never get laid and then I lost a bunch of weight and I was getting almost every weekend by a new hot girl... to me that seemed like superficial attraction, is this off base?

susannabrisk86 karma

That's a really interesting question, thank you! Sometimes it can appear that the superficial is all that is at play when it comes to dating and getting laid (especially in large cities like New York and Los Angeles where I have lived and dated). In my experience, and that of clients, though it seems like external changes are driving attraction, really it can be a difference in inner confidence you are exuding which in the book I call your "Fuck Frequency." The idea is to get your Fuck Frequency to be match as closely as possible to how you feel inside, and when it does, people are attracted to you like fireflies--even those you never imagined would be.

lost_in_life_3416 karma

People have made up all this mystery about love and sex, but in the end it’s what can you do for me and do you look like someone with genes worth passing on.

susannabrisk41 karma

That is an interesting perspective, but what about if you're not looking to procreate, so genetics don't even come into play? What if you're not heterosexual, so genetics to pass on literally don't matter? What if your particular kink or need is to serve someone or take care of them? In all my work I try to stay away from a black and white or binary way of thinking, because even the data supports that this is a limited POV. The mystery is not made up, there is an 'unknown' component when it comes to attraction. In both my writing and coaching, I focus on getting people to put down the lenses that are coloring how they see sex, dating, and relationships in a way that might be stopping them from getting what they want. Embracing your statement might be empowering for you, but may put other people in a state of hopelessness that they will ever find what they're looking for. There's no need for that when you can reframe how you see things, causing a change in behavior, and therefore hot, sexy outcomes.

kind231169 karma

Can you write a book called "how to get laid by the people you find attractive when you're 100lbs overweight and as a result your penis has like 2 functioning inches"?

susannabrisk97 karma

That's a long title to fit on a cover ;-) But I assure you, that would be the same book as the one I've written. Not everyone is looking for an athletic body type with 12 inches of fury, or whatever it is that has been sold to males as the ultimate in human attractiveness. I would recommend looking up Elle Chase's book "The Curvy Girl Sex Book." Even if you're not a 'curvy girl,' it will start to take you out of the mindset that you are "overweight" (if you are talking about yourself) and starting to reframe yor relationship with your own body and your own dick. August McLaughlin a wonderful podcaster whose show I was on this week did a show about men with small penises and said it was so enlightening. Not every woman is a 'size queen' and many even have a 'small penis fetish.' That said, many men think they are small when they're perfectly average. The vagina is only so deep... Your intuitive ability to find potential partners lurks under the many stories you have told yourself about what is and isn't possible for you when it comes to sex and dating.

WhatSortofPerson54 karma

What would you suggest to a person intuiting something inherently wrong in a longterm relationship? Say, hypothetically, that one were to have an overwhelming sense that his partner were more interested in sex with other women?

Is it likely to feel overwhelmed with that possibility, but still be wrong?

susannabrisk69 karma

While I am sure that your gut is telling you something valid, it is impossible to know if it is that specific thing without more details. For example, let's say you were raised Mormon, around a lot of closeted gay people, and you watched them come out one by one, or be outed. You might then form an assumption that 'all men are secretly gay' and then seek to find evidence of this in every single man you meet. This is just one example of how our past programming can seem like intuition, but lays on top of the intuition and clouds what it is actually trying to tell you. Something might be 'inherently wrong" but that something might just be that you sense that either you or your partner are not getting your needs met in some way. Is it possible for you to find an approriate moment to ask your partner if they're interested in being with other women, without it sounding like an accusation or ultimatum? It seems like, depending on the kind of relationship you have, this could be an ideal opportunity to have a great conversation that could lead to a deeper connection for you both.

pedromendes9710 karma


Would you say intuition plays a role in “having the balls” to approach women you find attractive? Does intuition make it easier? What about when having a conversation with a stranger? Do you think pick-up artists are more sexually intuitive than usual? Would your book help me hone my intuition and help me become a more confident male?

What’s your favorite dish?

susannabrisk40 karma

I think pick-up artists are anathema to Sexual Intuition. The pick-up culture implies that there is a one-size-fits-all approach to all women or all men, and usually one that requires us to see women as drooling morons who can't tell when they're being manipulated by 'negging' or some other non-starter 'technique.' I want you to become a more confident male, that's why I wrote the book! I got tired of all genders being told they have to be more 'something" like "more alpha" or "be in their feminine to attract a guy." Not everyone is looking for the same kind of person or experience. Trusting your gut has been lost in our puritanical and results-driven culture. All inquiry, even scientific inquiry, relies on being 'heuristic' or hypothesizing about an outcome and then moving forward into the unknown based on that. Do you mean dish-dish, or sexually speaking? ;-)

hypotheticallywoke8 karma

What really turns you on?

susannabrisk13 karma

I've blogged extensively in the past about adventures I've had or opening up to certain sexual experiences then more I was open to exploring an delving into what my needs actually are. These days, because I coach people, I try not to enroll folks into what I personally am into sexually, unless it is illuminating for their current situation. You are most certainly free to delve back into old posts on, but I can say that most of what I am into lives in the general realm of BDSM. ;-) If you check out my instagram, you will see a lot of images of what I find hot because what I post is intuitive.

recon896 karma

Do you think there's one human trait that drives intuition?

susannabrisk12 karma

I think that there is a hunger to know and understand things in this universe that can't be understood. A great trait that is useful for intuition is curiosity. To approach each new person on a new day, or the same person on a different day, with a sense of newness. Receiving and noticing, as opposed to judging and evaluating. This causes an intuitive way of being, in that you're available for what's happening with the person you find yourself with in real time, as oppose to what happened with that gender of person two years ago. Great question!

Gwydiian5 karma

Hi Susanna, thanks for doing this!

Does your book address the harm that strict gender roles do to the dating scene, especially if someone doesn't conform properly to those roles?

Do I have to pretend to be something I'm not to get laid?

susannabrisk15 karma

Yes yes yes! This is exactly what I am about. The book would have taken half as long if I had gone with tired tropes about "All men want this..." and "All women want that..." It also would have sucked ;-) These ideas are so damaging, because of course you can identify outside the binary and find other people who are looking for those outside the binary. We can be anything we want in 2018--queer, fluid, no gender, the possibilities are endless. And what we now understand about sexuality is that it has nothing to do with gender. We can't make assumptions about what someone is into sexually based on how they present themselves. The whole purpose of the book is to validate you being absolutely your authentic self, and not having to pretend to be someone else. Thanks for your question!