It’s spring cleaning time, and I’m here to help you get it done. It’s been a very exciting time for me, of late.

  • I am so very honored and thankful to reddit and Upvoted for the Upvoted podcast.
  • The Wall Street Journal is doing a piece on me and my tips for buying vacs.
  • I am going to have my own branded custom, limited edition Riccar R20 Vibrance! I have picked just one the best vacuums in the world for you guys. If you want to sign up for info on my new Riccar model you can do that here.

So, on to's the copypasta.

First AMA (archived)

Second AMA (Open)

Last AMA (Open)

YouTube Channel Here's some basics to get you started:

  • Dollar for dollar, a bagged vacuum, when compared to a bagless, will almost always:

1) Perform better (Actual quality of cleaning).

2) Be in service for much longer.

3) Cost less to repair and maintain (Often including consumables).

4) Filter your air better.

Virtually every vacuum professional in the business chooses a bagged vacuum for their homes, because we know what quality is. Things you should do to maintain your vac, regularly:

1) Clear your brush roller/agitator of hair and fibers. Clear the bearing caps as well, if possible. (monthly)

2) Change your belts before they break. This is important to maintain proper tension against the agitator. (~ yearly for "stretch" belts)

3) Never use soap when washing any parts of your vacuum, including the outer bag, duct system, agitator, filters, etc. Soap attracts dirt, and is difficult to rinse away thoroughly.

  • Types of vacs:

1) Generally, canister vacs are quieter and more versatile than uprights are. They offer better filtration, long lifespans, and ease of use. They handle bare floors best, and work with rugs and carpets, as well.

2) Upright vacuums are used mostly for homes that are entirely carpeted. Many have very powerful motors, great accessories, and are available in a couple of different motor styles. Nothing cleans shag carpeting like the right upright.

3) Bagless vacs are available in a few different styles. They rely on filters and a variety of aerodynamic methods to separate the dirt from the air. In general, these machines do not clean or filter as well as bagged vacuums. They suffer from a loss of suction, and tend to clog repeatedly, if the filters are not cleaned or replaced often.

4) Bagged vacuums use a disposable bag to collect debris, which acts as your primary filter, before the air reaches the motor, and is replaced when you fill it. Because this first filter is changed, regularly, bagged vacuums tend to provide stronger, more consistent suction.

My last, best piece of advice is to approach a vacuum, like any appliance; Budget for the best one you can get. Buy one with idea you will maintain it, and use it for many years. And, for the love of Dog, do not buy from late-night infomercials or door-to-door salesmen! Stay out of the big-box stores, and visit your local professional who actually knows what they're talking about.

Comments: 2396 • Responses: 103  • Date: 

tragic-waste-of-skin538 karma

How often do people tell you that Breaking Bad joke? The one about the dust filter for a Hoover Max Extract 60 Pressure Pro?

touchmyfuckingcoffee329 karma

It's been a lil while now...

vgman20136 karma

I was actually about to look that up and ask you about it, but I thought you probably had heard that one enough.

touchmyfuckingcoffee174 karma

Yeah, and again after I just replied to you.

im_coolest158 karma

When I got around to watching Breaking Bad I was like damn, I remember when vacuum guy did the best AMA.

touchmyfuckingcoffee128 karma

That's very kind, thank you.

Tasty_Tortilla384 karma

So I have a relationship with an authorized dyson retailer. He dumps a bunch of used or broken dyson vacuums every week. He pays me to take em away. A lot of the dysons still work. I have hundreds of different types of dysons sitting at my warehouse. Id like to make a business out of selling dyson parts.

My question to you, what parts of dysons do people frequently service? Is there a part of dyson vacuums that are notorious for be less than durable?

touchmyfuckingcoffee415 karma

Man, I like your entrepreneurial spirit, but you're looking at a loosing prospect.

Even if you did strip all those machines down, catalogued them, priced them, and listed them, you will have wasted so much time, as the prices for parts on the open market are already pretty damned cheap.

Tasty_Tortilla189 karma

I disagree. I did exactly what you just said. I had a few workers dismantle and sort some parts. Put em up on ebay and amazon fba. We're starting to look at around 500-600 a day. I think if you put the work into it full time, it could be very lucrative. I don't see that many vacuum guys out there.

With that being said, are you unfamiliar with Dysons? I've come to find people like to replace roller brushes and the plastic part that the hose attachment fits into.

touchmyfuckingcoffee317 karma

I am glad to hear it is profitable for you. Good on ya.

I'm a Dyson certified repair technician, so yes, I am familiar with them. Dyson's brush rollers, if they last longer than the rest of the vacuum, wear down the brushes and the bearings, like all brush rollers, and need to be replaced.

The real money is in rebuilding DC 07/14/33 clutches. Grab a pile of them, put on Netflix, and go to town.

Tasty_Tortilla65 karma

Thanks for your response! So cleaning and rebuilding clutches are worthwhile? Are any special colored dysons worth anymore than others? I have a bunch of pi k Dysons for breast cancet awareness. It's amazing how expensive these things can get...

touchmyfuckingcoffee83 karma

None of the limited edition Dysons are worth any more than any other model.

JLA30206 karma

My fiancé sucked up a lot of water using our bagless vacuum and now every time I turn it on, it makes the whole room smell really bad. (not his finer moment!) Is there a way to clean the bagless vacuum and to get rid of the smell?

touchmyfuckingcoffee316 karma

At this point, you might be better off just throwing the thing away.

It could be done, sure. But, you're going to have to completely disassemble the vacuum, replace all of your filters, and thoroughly clean and deodorize every part of the duct system and the nozzle system.

probably-not-a-fox144 karma

Poor college student here.
Two questions: budgeting under $200 for a vacuum what is the a decent vacuum that will last me a few years? If I should go with used, is there anything you recommend doing to check for problems with it before I buy it?

Also, have you been interviewed yet for the WSJ? Did they ask you anything you didn't expect?

Thanks a lot, I am glad I found your AMA this time.

touchmyfuckingcoffee164 karma

For less $200, you can get a few different Panasonic models, which are all great vacuums (for the price range).

I have concluded the WSJ article. It's in editing, now. No word yet when it's going to print.

probably-not-a-fox69 karma

Thanks a lot! You are also my first AMA answer.

touchmyfuckingcoffee82 karma

You're welcome. I am happy to help.

illwill1856 karma

We bought a Panasonic in the 300$ range per /u/touchmyfuckingcoffee and it's awesome, best vacuum we've ever had. Also thanks again for the recommend buddy, you were awesome in replying to my PMs!

touchmyfuckingcoffee37 karma

You're welcome! I am glad you're happy with your vacuum.

bright_yellow_vest45 karma

I went the used route and got a very nice Dyson DC17 for $200. I know you aren't a fan of dysons for the price, but did I do ok?

touchmyfuckingcoffee208 karma

Jesus christ...I hope you filed a rape claim. Did they at least rebuild the whole fucking thing?

Ahh, man...

bright_yellow_vest53 karma

God. Damnit. I wouldn't imagine so as there is nothing wrong with it. What do you think would've been a fair price? Also, what did these retail?

touchmyfuckingcoffee68 karma

If I had a DC17 come into my shop, that was worth putting new filters and a belt (maybe even brush motor), I wouldn't charge anyone more than $150 for it...tops.

I think they were ~$500 new.

Mikecom32123 karma

What would you recommend for this:

  • Mix of carpet/hardwood (60/40 split although we might be moving more toward 40/60 as we renovate)
  • Two hairy dogs

I'm not concerned with cost, I just want something that cleans well. I'm tired of the crappy bagless vac we have right now, and the dog hair drives me a little crazy.

touchmyfuckingcoffee128 karma

With a mix of flooring like that, a canister vacuum would be ideal for you.

Mikecom3259 karma

Any particular model? I don't want to waste money on some kind of feature that doesn't do anything, but I also don't mind spending more if it means better cleaning.

It seems like there's a lot of options (Miele alone has 18 different models of canister vacuums!)

touchmyfuckingcoffee121 karma

Take stock of what your needs are. If you have carpet, you NEED a unit with a powerbrush head. Base the size of the machine on your square footage. Plan on future needs; If you buy a great vacuum, it's going to be with you over the next decade. Read my suggestions in the text section.

deater13 karma

I always viewed canister vacuums as "less of" a vacuum than upright. But after you've made several plugs about them I'm much more confident in the one I currently have. Mid-80s Electrolux canister still running strong. Thanks!

touchmyfuckingcoffee13 karma

If you search my AMAs, you will find my reasoning as to why a canister is just as good or better than an upright.

Tragic_Sainter95 karma

I'm a floor sander so I vaccum a lot of dust on a daily basis literally garbage bags full. I'm currently using a Pullman backpack vac but I would like something with better suction if at all possible but it must be a backpack. any suggestions? Price doesn't really concern me as I use it so much and I get a tax write off for it anyway.

touchmyfuckingcoffee108 karma

Powerflight has a large model with, I think, a 12qt capacity. Check into them.

emordnilapaton74 karma

Are vacuum repairing slowly running out of business? It seems to me like people are going more towards replaceable consumer electronics theses days.

For instance, there used to be several small electronic shops around my hometown when i was a kid. Places where you got your stereo, laundry-machine or possibly your tv fixed when it broke down. Haven't seen one of those in a long time and i can't imagine that any equipment would actually be repaired if you return it to any of the large electronic chains.

touchmyfuckingcoffee103 karma

Our business is doing fine. Many did go out of business, not having enough customers and competing with Walmart and the internet.

We've been around over 75 years, with a strong loyalty base. That, combined with great customer service has kept us profitable.

stonedsaswood17 karma

Sitting at my work bench now at Ervs vac shop in Indiana. We are certainly busy on both the repair and central vac install sides of business, what's your thoughts on central vacs

touchmyfuckingcoffee16 karma

I think they are fine systems, despite not being terribly convenient.

june60672 karma

OP, I made a comment on this thread and it was answered so efficiently I now find myself asking what is the advantage of a traditional vacuum cleaner over a roomba?

touchmyfuckingcoffee84 karma

Getting your carpets actually clean, beyond the surface. Robot vacs, if they have a vacuum motor at all, have shit suction when compared to a conventional vacuum. You should own one, if just for cleaning deeper than the robot.

nosecohn11 karma

What if you have all tile? I currently sweep and mop... no vacuum. But since I have a dog (short hair), I've been thinking about getting a roomba. Is it worth it, or should I just stay vacuumless?

touchmyfuckingcoffee8 karma

If you're going to buy anything, I'd get a good canister. It will at least help keep your air clean.

MetaJess67 karma

Just wanted to say thanks for these AMAs. I have a Miele Capri after reading your 2nd AMA and I love it (way better than my old dyson).

My question is, what are your favorite Miele attachments? I myself get a ton of use out of the micro kit for my computers.

ETA: I mostly use it on the outside vents and on the bottom inside of the tower. If I need to get dust off the MoBo, HDs, or graphics card, I just use a can of air first.

touchmyfuckingcoffee63 karma

Thank you. I hope you're enjoying your Capri.

My favorite tools are the flexible crevice tool, the Parquet Twist, and their Universal Brush. Those three accessories can just about get the whole house clean.

goodbyegalaxy8 karma

How does the universal brush compare to the round dusting brush that comes with the vacuum?

touchmyfuckingcoffee17 karma

Oh, it's much, much better. It has 2 articulating joints in the neck.

Seraph_Grymm46 karma

You probably get this a lot but what's the best vacuum out there now (cost vs performance vs lifespan) and how do you feel about bagless vacuums? If you ask me: they suck.

I look forward to the Riccar R20 Vibrance.

touchmyfuckingcoffee65 karma

Your first question depends on a number of factors. Miele, Riccar, and Sebo are the best.

You only need to read the text portion above to get your other answers.

Seraph_Grymm19 karma

Thanks for the intel, I'll do some research on those! The first question was the one that mattered, I figured you'd preferred bagless for a number of reasons (reasons mentioned above) but then I wouldn't have been able to make that terribly predictable pun.

touchmyfuckingcoffee42 karma

Bagless vacuums are just the worst.

Seraph_Grymm24 karma

I'll go ahead and admit I've never spent more than 60 bucks on a vacuum, all bagless. I hate all of them. I might actually buy one of the brands you suggested. The Capri looks reasonable and seems to have good reviews!

Good luck on the Riccar, by the way!

touchmyfuckingcoffee28 karma

Thank you.

I don't understand why people keep buying cheap, shitty vacuums, that they know are shit, and still cannot be bothered to pony up a bit more for a quality vacuum.

trevize113832 karma

The same can be said for so many other appliances and devices. There will always be a market for that $40 item that you'll need to replace every two months even though the $60 one will last you 5 years. I mean, hey, you save $20!

touchmyfuckingcoffee41 karma

Like they say; Some poor people are poor because they make poor decisions.

MildlyAgitatedBovine54 karma

Here's the a thing: going cheap ensures that your going to get a crappy product, but going expensive seldom ensures the opposite. You happen to see people making poor decisions because you've cultivated enough knowledge to recognize those decisions as poor. Having the time to cultivate expertise is itself a scarce commodity. I happen to recognize shity chainsaws when I see them, but it doesn't mean I know how to pick a brake rotor. Everybody's walking around with scarce resources trying to do the best they can.

touchmyfuckingcoffee11 karma

Which is why I am trying to help as many people as I can.

huskies_6243 karma

Central vac? Worth a damn or useless?

touchmyfuckingcoffee68 karma

I think they are fine systems in new builds and homes with pre-existing systems. I don't think they are justifiable, because of cost, for a whole-home installation.

They're great and have their benefits. But, I don't know a single CV owner that doesn't also use a "conventional" vacuum as well.

boobercal46 karma

Well now you do! :). We bought our 12 year old home just about a year and a half ago. It came with central vac, and we love it and use it exclusively! We had a Dyson from the last house but that's buried in the garage now. We were going to use it for cleaning our cars but we found the outlet on the canister and attachments for the job. The only trouble we had with the CV was that our new carpet is a very high corn silk type and the old head was chewing it up. We had to drop 400 bucks on an adjustable head once we found that out :(

touchmyfuckingcoffee34 karma

Well, it looks like with the new head, you're in smooth sailing. I am glad to hear you enjoy your CV system.

AnomalyNexus16 karma

The part about the air getting exhausted straight outside seems attractive though? Filters should catch most of it, but just dumping the air outside seems like a rather elegant solution too.

touchmyfuckingcoffee9 karma

That's one great thing about them.

laurenbug218640 karma

Is it strange that your AMA's are some of the best on here? Maybe it's the dedication and time you put into each.

touchmyfuckingcoffee24 karma

It's certainly strange to me. But, I am just glad I can help so many people.

The_Poonhandler39 karma

Welcome back!

What is your favorite breakfast cereal?

touchmyfuckingcoffee96 karma

I don't usually eat breakfast cereal. But, when I do, I like steel-cut Irish oatmeal with local honey and fresh mixed berries in it.

hyde1634163438 karma

hi, i love your reddit name. coffeeman here too.

quick questions please.

how do you fix the wire on a vacuum cleaner when the insides start to fray and the weak wire needs to be cut a few inches and then reconnected. I saw a coworker take it apart and cut the wire and then reconnect it. Problem is, im absolutely not an electrician. it took him 20 minutes tops to do the wire cutting and then reconnect the entire cut wire, just two inches shorter a wire. But the wire and wire connection was like all brand new. Is there a guide on the internet or somewhere to repair i can follow as an amatuer electrician for a royal upright vacuum cleaner. I know also never to have it plugged in while doing this.

Also, is it easy to fix the stand for an upright royal vacuum cleaner? U know the part that holds the handle upright? Dont kno what its called, but if u break it, the stand keeps falling down. Is it easy to fix that part?

touchmyfuckingcoffee40 karma

Thank you, kindly.

I would have repaired it the same way your friend did. There are plenty of videos online, showing how to reconnect a wire (I assume).

You handle issue is an easily fixed one. But, it's one I would suggest letting your local repair shop do. They should have the parts and know the few tricks there are to getting it done right.

hyde1634163416 karma

have you ever attempted to fix the stand issue? obviously you have. Im probably going to attempt it anyway, as i am a DIY guy. and i kno there is a spring in there so putting the spring in place is probably going to b a nightmare.

touchmyfuckingcoffee31 karma

I have several commercial users, with fleets of these machines. I've fixed those handles dozens of times.

The nightmare is going to be getting the handle fork bolt out. Beware the nut on the left side!! That MUST come off first, or you're going to break the bolt on the inside.

dicky83434 karma

Have you ever seen a live vacuum solo by Jon Fishman of Phish?

What type of Vacuum does it look like, and more importantly, what vacuum would you recommend for musical performance?

touchmyfuckingcoffee31 karma

Yes, I have. That's an early Electrolux canister. Probably built between '55 and '65.

I am not a musician. I'll leave the experimentation up to them.

riseandrise31 karma

If someone had a gun to your head and was forcing you to purchase a vacuum for less than $100, which would you choose and why? Or is there really no difference at the lower price points?

touchmyfuckingcoffee52 karma

Something used...

In that price range, the vacuums are all basically of the same shitty quality. Would you try to cheap out on a water heater or furnace?

Don't cheap out on a vacuum.

Oksochillin25 karma

My mother has always sworn by her Rainbow wet vacuum. Any suggestions on a newer vacuum for her to try or is hers really the best?

touchmyfuckingcoffee43 karma

No. Rainbows are in NO way the best vacuums out there. As a vacuum, they have poor suction and high maintenance costs. As a canister vacuum, they're clunky and difficult to use compared to modern canister designs. They require too much maintenance from the owner, and don't filter better than any other HEPA sealed vacuum.

If she needs a new vacuum, the canisters by Miele, Riccar, and Sebo are all top-notch machines.

your_mom_naked22 karma

You again !

So, do you know some good european brands ? I don't think I saw any Miele here.

touchmyfuckingcoffee49 karma

Dude, Miele is made in Germany. So is Sebo. Electrolux, Henry, Bosch are all found in Europe...Does that help?

cunt-hooks46 karma

All anyone in Europe needs to know is - Don't buy a Dyson. Bagless, plastic, badly made crap, with a great reputation gained by false advertising.

I've spent more time fixing Dysons than all other makes combined, and I'm not even a vacuum technician!

touchmyfuckingcoffee36 karma

Preach it, brother!

june60618 karma

The bane of other vacuum users in my household is that I have long hair and when vacuuming, this tends to tangle the vacuum brush. I'm sure I'm not alone in raising this issue. Could a vacuum cleaner be improved by the inclusion of a small blade which would cut through the collection of long hair?

touchmyfuckingcoffee23 karma

This is just something that every vacuum owner must do as maintenance. I have a video available for just that problem.

PogingPinoy18 karma

Best portable vacuum for cars?

touchmyfuckingcoffee18 karma

Hands down, the Riccar Butler.

DagsJ18 karma

My mom has kept and maintained this beast of vacuum:

Filter Queen!

What are your thoughts about this particular vacuum? Does she have a keeper or should I get her an upgrade? (She does still have all of the attachments featured in that picture)


touchmyfuckingcoffee9 karma

They're great vacuums, with excellent suction. But, they're not easy or convenient to use, compared to a modern vacuum. But,'s free!

Teb-Tenggeri17 karma

What's your opinion on steam cleaning? Companies like Zerorez always claim that they clean carpets better than any vacuum out there, so, should we be fooled into spending that money for a once-over with a fancy steam machine, or just use our own vacuums?

touchmyfuckingcoffee29 karma

First, every person with carpet should use a conventional vacuum to keep the carpet clean. You should also have your carpets cleaned with a high-end extraction shampooer twice a year. You can rent one, or pay someone to come and clean for you. I don't like the guys with the vans and their silly suction wands...You want a rotating brush and hot water for that kind of cleaning.

General_Beauregard13 karma

Due in large part to your AMAs, I bought a Miele S8 Dog and Cat several months ago and absolutely love it.

Do you have any tips for getting the best use out of the vacuum? (i.e., preventative maintenance, attachments that I might not have thought of, basic vacuuming tricks, etc.)

touchmyfuckingcoffee9 karma

Do take the time to remove the cord from the wall by hand, and carry it back to the vac before hitting the rewind button. That will make that last longer. Also, avoid crimping or twisting your hose. It can damage the wiring inside.

Get the Parquet Twist, Universal Brush, and the flexible crevice tool. You will rock the whole house.

PinkPantherParty12 karma

What vacuum would you recommend for laminate flooring?

You're awesome!!!!

touchmyfuckingcoffee15 karma

Thank you. Canister vacuum...all day long.

prochu11 karma

Funny that this is on reddit today. Just last night I fitted a new pet roller and belt to my Kirby g6 and polished the exterior with metal polish. Also fitted a new hose cap since I broke the old one. The old girl shines now.

My question is, are any of the robot Vacs worth a damn? I have a dog with long hair and it's a battle to keep the floor somewhat clean.

touchmyfuckingcoffee18 karma

If your dog has long hair, I'd look into the Neato and Miele robots. I've come around on my opinions of robot vacs.

capn_t1ghtpants10 karma

Thank you for doing this AMA! My fiancee has long hair that's shedding all the time. Are there any tricks to untangling her hair from the brush roller?

touchmyfuckingcoffee11 karma

You're welcome. I happen to have a video for just that problem!

coldead8 karma

Could you suggest a vacuum for someone that's really hard on vacuums? I need something practically bulletproof.

She's gone through a half dozen Panasonic canister vacs in as many years, and they all end up with some combination of broken handles, smashed power heads, missing wheels, frayed cords, and split hoses. They aren't wearing out at all, just breaking. I'm not even sure how she does it.

Bare concrete slab downstairs, and laminate upstairs, if that makes any difference.

touchmyfuckingcoffee17 karma

Make her ass lug around a Kirby for a few months. Then tell her if she can be good, she can have another Panasonic.

nerditron8 karma

Can you show me the economics of exactly why a bagged would be cheaper than a bagless in the long-run? And what is the best bag-less vacuum in your opinion?

Particularly for pet owners, I'm pretty against bagged even assuming claims of them being marginally better at cleaning are true, but this is coming from a regular consumer. As long as you get your Dyson from Costco, you can get a lifetime guarantee, so that makes repair costs moot (though my DC41 hasn't failed so far). Secondly, I have a golden retriever and two cats, so I vacuum about every 3-4 days. Each time, I produce about 3 bins worth of hair. The DC41 bin capacity is 2.1 L, and the Miele S7 (for example) bag capacity is 5.2 L. We can probably assume better packing (more hair fits in per volume in a bag), but even with more than twice better packing, that's like a bag a week. 16 bags on Amazon are $75, which means an expenditure of approximately $240 a year on consumables!

Anyway, my point is, I just don't see why it's a smarter decision to pay MORE for a bagged vacuum especially as a pet owner when you can get a bagless that is cheaper, free to replace for its lifetime (if you have access to Costco), AND free to operate. Honestly, if I had a bagged, I would hesitate to use it as often just because I would want to just pack as much hair as possible on a single run. With the bagless Dyson, I just vacuum whenever I want with no bad juju. Does the Miele/Riccar performance difference justify potential repair costs and $200/year in consumables?

touchmyfuckingcoffee5 karma

Considering the higher maintenance costs, and (some models) the expense of replacing filters, it's an easy choice to pick a bagged vacuum. You simply spend less in the long run.

What you're missing here is that the cleaning quality isn't marginal; It's significant.

Most Miele owners use only 4-6 bags per year. My bench vac regularly packs in more than a kilo of waste into the bag, without losing suction.

jagedlion7 karma

I recently purchased my first wet/dry vac to clean up after myself in my basement, and man... it blows my normal vacuum out of the water. Granted, it's a little clunkier, but moving up from 2HP to 5HP! And at half the price! Plus, I can just wrap the filter in something like a stocking or t-shirt, and it's basically a bagless with a cheap replaceable filter.

Is it unreasonable to think about using it as a primary vacuum cleaner? Is there something more that I am missing? (Hardwood house, so I don't really need the spinning brush, right?)

touchmyfuckingcoffee9 karma

Well, you shop vac is just loud and poorly filtered, compared to a residential vac. If those things don't bother you, keep doing you.

bwaredapenguin7 karma

What's the best way to clean and maintain a HEPA filter for an inexpensive bagless vac?

touchmyfuckingcoffee9 karma

Consult your owner's manual. Many are not washable and must be replaced.

bwaredapenguin5 karma

Say it is one that can be cleaned. I think I remember seeing that it could be put under running water, but what I usually have done before is take a fork and kind of just scrape out the folds in the filter.

touchmyfuckingcoffee18 karma

Oh, no! Don't do that. If you want help breaking up the dust, soak it in vinegar before rinsing with water.

nevillator7 karma

I'm looking to purchase a new vacuum for my fire house. The areas it will be used are mostly low-pile commercial style carpet, with a couple areas of tile and concrete (kitchen, bathrooms, stairwell). Based on your previous AMAs, I was leaning toward a canister for the variety of floors, but I understand that an upright would perform better on the carpet. Whatever vacuum we get will be used at least three or four times a week, so it will need to be very durable. What would you recommend for around a $500 budget? Thanks sir.

touchmyfuckingcoffee6 karma

You need a commercial vacuum. Look into Royal and Sanitaire models.

TottenhamHotspur7 karma

What's the worst thing you've ever seen stuck in a Vacuum Cleaner?

touchmyfuckingcoffee14 karma

Animal piss and shit.

SPprime6 karma

I purchased Miele Onyx canister vac and while it works great on the hardwood floors, the cleaning power on low-ish pile carpet is really underwhelming, even using the "STB 205-3 Turbobrush" head and suction on the highest level. Do you have any suggestions on what I can do to improve the performance on carpet?

touchmyfuckingcoffee5 karma

If you have carpeting, you need a powerbrush head to clean your carpets. The turbo tool will not cut it.

Fallen_Milkman6 karma

I currently have a Miele Jazz s7280. I loved it when I bought it. But my wife semi killed it. She decided to put baking sods down on an area the cat pissed on to try to get rid of the smell. Well, of course it absorbed the left over moisture from the shampooer as well and in her infinite wisdom, decided to vacuum it up.

It completely clogged the bastard. I was able to take it apart and scrape out the vast majority of the mess. But since then the motor runs at a high pitch whine. It sucks pretty well still but I have other gripes about it unrelated to that (flimsy springs under beater bar, clogs a little easy in the hose at times, some cheap plastic parts throughout, etc..)

That said, would it be worth replacing the motor in it? Or should I just get a new one?

What is the optimal Upright for a house with 1500+sq/ft of carpeting, 2 pets that shed and 2 women that shed just as much?

touchmyfuckingcoffee12 karma

I don't think you need a new motor. I think you have a blockage in the duct system. That's why it's making a high-pitched noise. You know that has a 7 year warranty, right? Why would you attempt to fix it yourself? Take it in for warranty service, and it should be good as new.

Vacuum more often and make slower passes, and you won't have a problem with clogs. Also, never use baking soda with a shouldn't be allowed in the first place.

cassiecat6 karma

ITT posted one hour ago: "did you listen to the 45 minute podcast? Listen to the podcast."

Dude I really appreciate all your help and stuff, but I feel like giving some short answer with an additional "hey check out the podcast, (maybe even suggest a rough time idea?)" or something would be more helpful then just curtly telling us to listen to the podcast and basically don't ask any questions until we have. I would imagine many people have questions for you but can't listen to the podcast now for work-related reasons and such. But that's just like, my opinion, man.

Since this is an AMA, I shall ask you this:

Of the variety of carpet cleaners that you "spray on, vacuum off" (like those foams that become powder), are there any that should be avoided due to how they react with vacuums? More specifically, do these kinds of things wear down belts or otherwise harm vacuum components?

touchmyfuckingcoffee3 karma

Look, it's not the answer to every fucking question, but when it comes to Kirbys and other things, my thoughts are well known. When I have hundreds of emails to go through, it's an easy go to for a simple question.

If you're cleaning up stains, I only recommend blotting for any moisture, then using a scrub brush and carpet cleaning powder to remove the stain. If you let that dry completely, it won't harm a vacuum.

Xscepi5 karma

Did you press the button or not?

touchmyfuckingcoffee7 karma

I did not.

tundra_w0lf4 karma

What's your favorite coffee roast?

touchmyfuckingcoffee5 karma

French, followed by espresso.

Big_Adam4 karma

Any idea what to look for in a shopvac / wet dry?

Should I use a bag, or just keep cleaning the paper filter? Or get one of those separators?

touchmyfuckingcoffee5 karma

You should always replace your filters and bags according to the manufacturers recommendations.

dashclone4 karma

Welcome back!!

What are your opinions on steam mops/cleaners? Useful or not for carpets? And what's the best way to remove blood from a carpet? It's for a friend...

touchmyfuckingcoffee5 karma

Never use steam on blood! You need an enzymatic cleaner, some scrubbing, and something colorsafe to destroy the DNA. Ammonia works pretty well.

ccogdill4 karma

I live in a tiny space. With very little storage. I have an electorlux harmony that has seen it's better days .. the beater brush doesn't work any more .. And I don't really like the model because I didn't get the electric beater brush head. I am really looking for something smaller that this .. can you recommend something?

touchmyfuckingcoffee2 karma

What country do you live in?

BeeSesh4 karma

Years ago on the CBS Sunday Morning Show, they did a piece about a group of vacuum...lets say connoisseurs..who would travel across the country to hotels for their national conventions. They would bring their favorite vacuums (new and antique), set up obstacle courses for competitions and give awards at the end.

Have you ever been to one of these? How exciting was it?

touchmyfuckingcoffee6 karma

I have not. But, I've had a group of local collectors come into my shop, and bring some of their treasures with them. It was a pretty good time.

dstoner794 karma

What is this sub about?

touchmyfuckingcoffee12 karma

Asking questions and getting them answered

Tactically_Fat3 karma

Why do Rainbows cost so danged much?

touchmyfuckingcoffee6 karma

Because dumb people are willing to pay so much for them.

cmrnwllsbrn3 karma

Are vacuum repair customers usually a pain in the ass to deal with? Any good stories?

touchmyfuckingcoffee7 karma

Really, most of them are reasonable folks, though generally dumb.

They always wonder why the new belt isn't the same size and their old, stretched-the-fuck-out belt.

MakeMeNaked3 karma

I routinely purchased a $159 big box store Eureka or Dirt Devil or whatever about every 2-3 years it seemed. Based on your AMA a while back, I dropped $600 on a Riccar commercial floor model at my local Sew and Vac. I have never been more pleased! This Riccar SUCKS! Better than any other vacuum I've ever owned and the build quality is supreme. I don't think I'll be buying another vacuum for at least 20 years. Thank You!

Question: The Miele seemed a little plastic-y, cheaper built, but you highly recommend those as well. How do the two compare for longevity?

touchmyfuckingcoffee4 karma

They're both of similar quality. I rank them together as some of the best.

You sure you can't be talked into buying my new limited edition Riccar??

punishfish3 karma

Just installed some berber carpet. The installation man said to use extreme caution when vacuuming. Any tips?

touchmyfuckingcoffee3 karma

Yes...You need a machine with extreme suction and the ability to turn the brush roller off. Look into the Riccar Brilliance and Radiance.

R009k3 karma

Opinions on the Shark Rocket PRO vac? Amazon reviews are pretty good but I've never bought a vacuum before and don't really know what to look for. Also I can't tell if it's considered bagless or canister.

touchmyfuckingcoffee4 karma

I would never do business with Shark, nor recommend any product they make. My advice is to avoid them.

sillygirlsarah3 karma

How come every time I need to bring my sewing machine in for clean up and/or repair, it's almost //always// a vacuum repair shop as well? Are the motors in the two that similar?

touchmyfuckingcoffee3 karma

Just part of the old way of doing things. They're not similar, but easy enough to repair. Riccar makes both, so I imagine that has something to do with it.

Symbolis2 karma


First of all, thanks for doing these. Still pretty interesting after all this time!

My wife and I recently purchased a Miele S8390 and were wondering if there's a particular power head or other attachments you'd recommend.

touchmyfuckingcoffee3 karma

I really like the SEB36 powerbrush. My favorite tools are the parquet twist, universal brush, and the flexible crevice tool.

ChouPigu2 karma

Loved your previous AMA, unfortunately it came after I had purchased a Dyson. I've been using it a couple of years now without a problem, and it still sucks so hard that it's difficult to push it across the carpet. I don't use it often, but that's about to change with the coming of a new dog. It's a DC28 Animal... What's your opinion on that model, i.e. how screwed am I?

touchmyfuckingcoffee2 karma

Oh, man...I don't want to be mean, but you are, indeed, screwed. That model had great suction, but shitty clearance and airflow. It's also one of the worst, in terms of reliability.