EDIT: I have been doing this AMA for about six hours straight, so I'm ready to get off of the internet (and off of my butt) and back to my life. Thank you all so much for your participation!

My short bio: I am a Navy veteran with a college degree who decided to become a surrogate mother. I have thoroughly enjoyed the experience and would like to share it with you and answer any appropriate questions anyone may have.

My Proof: http://icysuzy.imgur.com/all/ Here you will see a copy of the first page of my legal agreement (names and other identifying information have been removed); you will also see a nice picture of my belly at 27 weeks (it is much larger now, but my bf hasn't taken any new ones recently).

Edit: there is a surrogacy subreddit that has been highly neglected, for those who wish to continue to have these conversations about surrogacy. Hope to see some of you there soon.

Comments: 925 • Responses: 112  • Date: 

Steelemagnolia484 karma


icysuzy132 karma

AWWWW that's so cool! Thanks for sharing!

TopperDuckHarley414 karma

Wife and I are struggling to have a child. What you're doing is really wonderful, thank you.

icysuzy198 karma


icysuzy212 karma

Sending positive vibes your way, good luck.

RarewareUsedToBeGood69 karma

can I get some of those vibes too?

icysuzy533 karma

{{{{wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa}}}} transmission complete

she_linden_tree313 karma

Are you worried about how you'll feel when it's delivery time and you have to give the baby to the IPs? I mean, any attachment concerns? Either way - kudos to you, that's an amazing, irreplaceable gift.

icysuzy751 karma

It's funny to me, but this is really the most common question BY FAR that people ask me. To start to understand, you have to remember that the baby is totally genetically unrelated to me (weird, huh? it's like having an alien inside me...). The baby is a result of the father's sperm and an egg donor's egg.

I went into this with a very open mind and with the express desire to help another couple have a baby of their own. The baby has never been mine and I have never wanted it to be. It's like babysitting, long term. I compare myself to a glorified storage unit sometimes.

slottmachine226 karma

It's funny. This question popped into my mind, but when I imagined me in your shoes, I couldn't understand why the question is asked in the first place. It would be like flying a plane carrying your passanger's dog in storage, and then deciding to keep the dog when you land.

icysuzy321 karma

YES, sounds like you get it. I told someone, If I let you borrow my car for nine months, then asked for it back, would you be like "Noooo... I'm just too attached to it..."

Hotal235 karma

Well, is it a nice car?

icysuzy125 karma


cold_dead_hands20 karma

Because a lot of surrogates change their minds after delivery. So it is probably a better question for someone that has already delivered a surrogate baby

slottmachine28 karma

Do they? I mean, I've seen that on television, but is it really that common? Also, is it less common when the egg is donated?

icysuzy25 karma

I don't think that happens very often.

cherieish42 karma


icysuzy73 karma

if you absentmindedly read your post, and get to the end, you end up with "everything I ate was that baby" lol

mnjen302 karma

I was a gestational surrogate and gave birth to twins in 2009. Hands down, the most amazing, awesome thing I've ever done! I have 3 kids of my own as well, but there's certainly nothing like helping create a family for someone else.

A little piece of advice for after the delivery...make sure you have someone to come visit you while you're in the hospital and when you first get home. You may be perfectly fine knowing that you're going home empty handed but your body and hormones could make you very sad. When I had the twins, they had to be in the special care nursery for a bit and the parents were with them, understandably. When my family couldn't be there with me, I was pretty sad and the hormone dump was no fun! I kept a blog of my entire process for the friends & family of the parents to read and keep up with what was going on. If anyone is interested in reading, PM me and I'll share the link.

Thank you for doing such an amazing thing! Yes, the money is nice but if its not something you REALLY wanted to do, no amount of money would make it worth it. Its physically/emotionally demanding and you are an angel for helping to create a family!

icysuzy159 karma

Thanks for the advice. People always ask if I will have a hard time "giving up" the baby and I don't anticipate having issues with that, but I do know that hormones coupled with the whole thing being "over" will definitely bring me down (I did deal with PPD after my first, although that was under much different circumstances). Thank you and I will keep you in mind.

mnjen387 karma

When asked how I felt giving the babies "away", I would answer "I'm not giving them away, I'm giving them BACK."


icysuzy82 karma


goudenbanaan223 karma


icysuzy379 karma

20k, divided into monthly installments, not including other costs being paid for like all travel, insurance, maternity clothing, etc. Edit: this does not add up to 180k like some people are posting. It is basically 20k for a year of my time and energy. There were quite a few months of planning and preparation before actually getting pregnant.

BigDickTrickle944 karma

I would pay $20k so I wouldn't have to deal with my pregnant wife for another nine months.

icysuzy245 karma


KonFewShuN79 karma

best reply here.

Also, very cool AMA. it's interesting to say the least. I hope the pregnancy goes smoothly for you.

icysuzy36 karma


fareastcoast129 karma

Are the installments concluded upon birth?

What are the policies on stillbirths and complications like that?

Is there any refund policy?

Did you need to take a drug test?

Will you do it again if everything is successful?

Sorry to be grim, just curious...

icysuzy271 karma

According to my contract, the final installment should be paid no later than five days after the birth. There are all kinds of stipulations in the contract, it is a very extensive one (as it should be) because there are so many things that could ultimately go wrong.

Refund policy? If there was something wrong with the baby and they could prove it was due to negligence on my behalf, they would have grounds for legal battle. If something happens to the baby and it's not my fault, that sucks a lot of course but I wouldn't have to pay them back. If the baby was found to have a major physical or genetic complication, early on, the contract allows for abortion.

Yes, I definitely needed to take a drug test... and a psychological exam... they screen like mad for this stuff.

At first I went into this thinking it would be a one-time thing, but I have enjoyed it so much more than I thought I would, so more and more I am thinking I would do it again. It's just so rewarding on so many levels.

ArchonRush50 karma

I was thinking the same thing, if it's stillborn does she still get paid for her time and care of the fetus?

icysuzy121 karma

although the chance of this happening is so remote, as long as it was not my fault, I would be entitled to my compensation.

ArchonRush39 karma

Has this ever happened before? Or is this just how you would go about the situation?

icysuzy73 karma

Not sure if it's happened before, but in a legal contract it's important to cover all your bases.

Ysaella31 karma

What about an accident? If you fall down the stairs (god forbid) and lose the baby, is it your fault? Edit: of course I meant god and not gof...

icysuzy57 karma

They are reasonable people. Obviously if something like that were to happen, it would be tragic, but unless it was undoubtedly something that I purposely did, there would not even be grounds for them to argue that case. We all trust each other and they trust that I am being as careful as I can.

fooshards83 karma

That seems really low considering the risks involved... Unless you mean 20k / month and then it seems really high...

icysuzy107 karma

Everything's relative. It's enough for me. It's not 20k per month I would be loaded. LOL

el_ekeko112 karma

Technically, you are loaded. With a baby.

icysuzy52 karma

You're telling me!! haha hilarious.


Is that more or less than you had hoped for? I'm guessing it is more at the beginning and less right up at the end of the pregnancy.

icysuzy73 karma

I'm getting paid monthly, and it's much more than enough to live on for me, so it's all good. The benefits of being a surrogate extend to much more than the money. But it's great not having to slave away at some job I hate, away from my family.

respectisfear133 karma

not a question but just wanted to say your doing a really decent thing. good on you

icysuzy54 karma


try_new_stuff121 karma

As someone that is considering surrogacy, thank you for doing this AMA. What was the process of becoming pregnant? My friend who is willing to surrogate for me is willing to basically donate her egg so it is much simpler than collecting an egg from myself or a donor, so I am curious as to how it all played out, step wise.

icysuzy158 karma

That's good that you won't have to absorb the cost of egg donation, which from what I understand can get pretty pricey. On the other hand, having a surrogate who is also the genetic mother of the child makes the whole process a bit more emotionally complicated so that will definitely be something you should address early on. When people ask me if I am or will be attached to the baby, a big part of my reason for not being attached is that I am completely genetically unrelated to the baby (there are many other reasons why I am not attached, but this is certainly one of them). So just make sure you're very comfortable with this dynamic because it could potentially become problematic.

Step-wise, it's different for everyone, and the experience of a surrogate is so different from the experience of the intended parents. I recommend contacting an agency that specializes in these sorts of things and doing a bit of research online, considering your situation is unique just like mine.

Sambourine111 karma

What do you mean by your body loves being pregnant? Seems odd to a man :P

icysuzy292 karma

I eat better, I take better care of myself, my skin glows, people rub my belly for good luck, my sex drive goes through the roof... it's awesome.

neverett581 karma

I absolutely loved being pregnant. I have 3 kids and that is what my husband and I wanted. I've been considering becoming a surrogate mother. Am I too old? 33 with a birthday in Feb.

icysuzy92 karma

Nope, I'm 32. I think they take you up to 40 years old.

neverett523 karma

What's a good place to go through?

icysuzy48 karma

I went with NEEDS and they were awesome, I have also heard good things about Circle Surrogacy.

sklog96 karma

would you be be in contact with the child after birth? If not, does it haunt you?

icysuzy181 karma

I think we'll maintain contact but not super close (we live several states away from the IP's (Intended Parents). We already have a nice strong friendship going but who knows what will happen, we will probably drift apart, or maybe we will stay really close. I will be fine with it either way but I will like to see pictures every once in a while. It might haunt me if I never heard from them again, but only because we've become so close to the parents.

NotAwakeYet8 karma

Was there any particular reason for the distance between you and the IP's? Like, did you guys know each other before hand, is such a distance preferable, etc?

icysuzy16 karma

We were both signed up with the same agency. They could have chosen someone closer, but they really liked my profile and they wanted to meet me, so that's how it happened. I think the distance has been a good thing, and it's been so much fun taking mini-vacations to come stay with them. They enjoyed coming to visit us as well.

HandsomeBeagle96 karma

What was the fertilization process?

icysuzy210 karma

They retrieved eggs from a donor and fertilized them with the father's sperm. In about five days, after close monitoring of all the ones that successfully fertilized, they chose the healthiest looking one and implanted it into my uterine lining with the use of a catheter-like device. The other good-looking ones, they froze, just in case this one didn't take.

emsmeat50 karma

Was that process super painful?

icysuzy127 karma

Nope, it was super easy. Easier than a pelvic exam. But I had to lay there for a while afterwards for I think twenty minutes. No big deal.

funnygreensquares41 karma

And type body didn't reject it as foreign material? That's fascinating because usually with transplants they have to be very careful about your immune system seeing the new tissue as an invasion.

icysuzy88 karma

That's what all the hormone injections were for. Lupron (in the belly, small needles) and Progesterone in oil (in the butt cheek, huge needles) in case you care which ones.

boondock_saint549 karma

Ehh. I was seriously considering becoming a surrogate until you brought up big needles...and that you had to take it the whole first trimester. I've got a huge fear of needles

icysuzy115 karma

hehe yeah it's not all ice cream and pickles.

allthatjizz6 karma

Do you need the injections throughout the pregnancy or only at the beginning?

icysuzy16 karma

The Progesterone was for pretty much the whole first trimester!

SammyD1st26 karma

They only implanted one, not multiples?

icysuzy66 karma

Right. They will often implant two but we were confident, also the chance of both taking would have potentially meant twins, which was not what they wanted. If the first one hadn't taken, we would have implanted two of the frozen ones the second time.

Vi_Stands481 karma


icysuzy50 karma

Wow, that's so awesome. Thanks for cluing me in.

Xenokaos70 karma

How had your boyfriend handled it? Are you prepared for the give away? What control do the parents have? Dietary restrictions? Will you have any involvement post birth?

icysuzy118 karma

My boyfriend has been so amazingly supportive. Neither of us want kids (I have one son and he's so great), so we're happy to do this for someone who does. They can't force me to eat or not eat anything, it's a matter of trust, but if I were in breach of my contract (drinking alcohol, doing drugs, or doing anything that's risky behavior), bad things would happen.

We ave become friends with this couple and I imagine we will maintain a level of friendship and contact after the baby is born. We live several states away from them, though, and have different lives, so we're not going to be heavily involved in the child's life. Sort of like godparents or something.

fibernerd43 karma

First, let me say, you are awesome. I am currently 30 weeks pregnant with my first, and have considered offering to be a surrogate for a pair of dear friends.

You mentioned "like god parents". Not to be horribly morbid, but if something were to happen to the IP's who would raise the child? Would it just be as though they had birthed the child! and a family member would take over?

icysuzy55 karma

There's a family member of theirs designated as the legal guardian, in such an unlikely event.

LadyofBlandings61 karma

Will you do another AMA after the birth? I'm interested in what it's like when you give the baby up and so on :) Also, good luck with the birth!

icysuzy50 karma

I just might. There seems to be a lot of interest in this topic.

alice-in-canada-land55 karma

Is the baby a result of your egg or the Mom-to-be's?

icysuzy138 karma

Neither, we used an egg donor. The Intended Parents (IP's) are unable to have children because the mother had a hysterectomy at a very young age due to cancer.

evelyncanarvon31 karma

Do you know why they chose to use a separate egg donor, instead of just using one person as the surrogate/egg donor?

icysuzy112 karma

It makes it really complicated emotionally. I have addressed this in other posts/comments.

TotallyNotAmazon54 karma

Is it just me, or does that document state both that you are "a healthy, legally competent, married individual" as well as "single and not married"?

icysuzy70 karma

Yeah, we had to line that out. I was the only one that noticed it, looks like you and I are fellow proofreaders.

cherieish30 karma


icysuzy46 karma

I don't really know. I guess it's because they want to be sure that the surrogate has a good support system in place. It's certainly not required to be married, but it is a big deal to have friends and/or family and/or a SO who are there for you throughout the process.

nsa-hoover47 karma

It is ask me anything, right? What happens if anything arises during delivery which means you are at risk but is only capable of being dealt with in a way which puts the baby at risk?

icysuzy91 karma

Ultimately, my safety comes before that of the baby's.

whoadizzle46 karma

All I can think is your SO has a pregnancy fetish.

icysuzy77 karma

He did say he was excited about the chance to have sex with a pregnant chick.

BigBlackHungGuy50 karma

Condoms be damned.

icysuzy54 karma

Right!! I don't miss them.


Your pictures don't work.

What was your reason for doing this?

Was your boyfriend initially hesitant when you told him?

Boy or girl?

icysuzy112 karma

Reasons for doing this... well there are several. 1) I have a son and I don't want any more kids, not now and probably not ever. But my body loved -and loves- being pregnant. 2) I thought it would be great to help a couple who don't have the privilege of fertility. 3) The pay is decent and it helps me afford to homeschool my son.

My boyfriend doesn't want children either, and I told him about my decision long before it actually came to fruition. He's been totally cool with it and super supportive the whole way.

She's a girl!

devonclaire46 karma

May I ask what you mean by "your body loves being pregnant"? My husband and I want to have kids eventually but I'm really dreading being pregnant. It looks so uncomfortable.

ttucook105 karma

Sometimes people have really hard pregnancies, like constant, long term morning sickness, swollen feet/ankles, bad acne, sore back, sore muscles, fatigue, etc. It just sucks.

Other people's bodies seem to react really well to being pregnant. Their hair is thick and grows like crazy, their skin is clear and glows, they get lots of energy, and just generally feel amazing.

Most people fall into a middle ground between the two (my skin cleared up while pregnant, but I have a very short torso, so breathing was hard at the end), but there is a group that fall into one extreme or the other. Sounds like OP is one of them.

icysuzy43 karma

Yes, I am, and thanks for saving me some time explaining.

AllYourGenitals-46 karma

homeschool my son.

Why do you feel that removing important social experiences, and interaction is a good decision for your son?

icysuzy30 karma

I'm not really here to talk about why I homeschool (maybe I'll do an AMA on that sometime) but please don't assume that homeschooled children have a complete lack of social experiences and interaction. That assumption couldn't be farther from the truth. Do your homework.

KiwiCupcakes43 karma

As a woman who may never have children because of fertility issues I think what you are doing is an amazing thing. I'm glad that there are people like you in the world, it allows people like me more avenues than trying and failing over and over until we give up. Thank you ♥

icysuzy34 karma

Good luck on whatever you decide. There's nothing wrong with choosing not to have children, but yes it is amazing what technology is able to help us with when we want more than our bodies will allow naturally.

Miss_Kitteh39 karma

I think you are doing an amazing thing. My question - I saw several times that you have mentioned having a son, is he old enough to sort of understand what you are doing? I would imagine that could be a complicated idea to explain.

icysuzy99 karma

He is five and he is a very smart and well-rounded child. He totally gets it. He knows that it's not his sibling, he talks about the parents and how we are going to bring the baby to them when she is ready to come out.

ashley_marie36 karma

When people you don't know comment on your pregnancy like at the store or something do you tell them your a surrogate or just say thanks? Also how does your family feel about it?

icysuzy73 karma

It depends on if I have five minutes to explain and if I feel like doing so (I often do enlighten them). My family was weird about it at first (mostly my mom). My mother cried when I told her I was thinking about becoming a surrogate mother. She was like, "But I thought the next time you got pregnant it would be mine... I mean yours..." It was weird and Freudian but really she wanted another grandchild and was sad to think I would be pregnant and it wouldn't be -her- grandbaby. But she got used to the idea and I am glad that I talked with her about it before I became pregnant.

mlj868428 karma

No question, just wanted to say thank you for your incredibly brave and selfless act. Giving someone the ability to be a mother when they can't carry takes a really special type of woman. You're awesome.

icysuzy17 karma


SylvarFyre27 karma

What you're doing is mind blowingly awesome.

I assume your body is making milk. What will you do with it after the baby is born?

icysuzy77 karma

As long as all goes well, I will be pumping and fed-exing it to the parents for as long as I can! No joke!

ellykelly21 karma

That's a fun thing to know! If only the fed-ex people knew what they were carrying.

icysuzy37 karma

Yeah I don't know what the box will read... CAUTION -FRESH BREASTMILK- MUST KEEP COLD...

ahuskey12317 karma

That is so fantastic! Do you just freeze it and send it in one of those super-insulated shipping coolers?

Also, will the IP's travel to your town for the birth, or does the company/agency you're working through send you down there when you get close?

icysuzy27 karma

I am actually staying at their house until after the delivery. As for the milk, honestly your guess is as good as mine at this point. I really don't know how that's all going to play out.

Gorilla_Power25 karma

Can you explain the process? How were you contacted about doing this, the cost of the procedure, approximately how much you were paid for assisting, etc. I'm getting married in 6 months, and surrogacy is one of the avenues we're looking at when it comes to children. And thank you for being a surrogate!

icysuzy46 karma

I decided to become a surrogate, so I went on the good ole internets and looked at different agencies. Ended up choosing NEEDS (National Exchange for Egg Donation and Surrogacy) and my liaison from there is so great. I am really happy I went with them.

The costs for you are going to be a lot more than what I am getting paid (20k), because you will have to pay for IVF, don't know if you'll need an egg donor (we did) but that's another huge expense. Also you have to pay for all kinds of things like travel, insurance for the surrogate, etc.

The process was pretty straightforward physically, I did have to take some hormones to align my cycle and prepare my body to receive the embryo. There's a lot of paperwork and legal stuff that can be a nightmare if you're not careful (check the legality of surrogacy in your state, it varies from state to state).

agramann12 karma

What led you to pick NEEDS over another surrogacy agency?

icysuzy15 karma

I don't remember, they may have just been the first one I called, or the first one that called back. Nothing rings a bell about them standing out over any other agency, but I am very happy with my experience with them.

Futuristic5101 karma

Why didn't they use your eggs? Seems like it would cut out the middle man, so to say.

icysuzy1 karma

It would, but it makes it really complicated. Also I would not want to do that. It is called a "traditional surrogacy" and it is much less common because it makes it so much more personal and emotional.

annathetyrant24 karma

You're awesome! I met a woman who was a surrogate carrying twins - a boy and a girl! I think what you're doing is great.

What were the qualifications of becoming a surrogate? I've thought about doing this because my first pregnancy went really well, but I had gestational diabetes that was easily controlled by a healthy diet. Would that disqualify me?

icysuzy31 karma

I don't think it would disqualify you. You have to do a drug test and a psychological exam. They want to make sure that you aren't just trying to do it for the money and don't care about taking it seriously (look up the "Always Sunny in Philadelphia" episode that deals with surrogacy and you'll see an example of not taking surrogacy seriously).

Other things that might disqualify you would be genetic conditions and physical problems, multiple miscarriages don't look good either.

Jeroknite22 karma

Try to go for another 36 weeks.

Break the high score.

icysuzy21 karma

NO THANKS!!!! I am ready for this to be done. Honestly I am really looking forward to getting my body back!

Paraglad22 karma

Will you intervene if you believe the IPs are mistreating the child or raising him/her in a way you disagree with?

icysuzy72 karma

Not my place, not my kid.

Paraglad11 karma

I ask because I believe this has occurred somewhere. Also, there was the surrogate who kept a baby who was going to be born deformed. The IPs wanted the fetus aborted.

icysuzy37 karma

These situations are a big part of the reason we have a contract.

ThatStonerCouple21 karma

Sorry that this is late and this question has already been asked but are you allows to make up your birth plan? Like you can say I want an epidural or a c-section and the parents can't fight you on that? I think I read about a celebrity who had a surrogate and they made the surrogate have a natural birth because of religious stuff. I found this kind of demanding on a surrogate and was just wondering what the parents and you agreed upon?

icysuzy24 karma

Well, if they didn't want me to have an epidural, we'd have to agree on that beforehand in the contract. If I sign the contract, I'm obligated to go by what it says or I am in breach of it. This is yet another reason why the contract is so important.

iii_shouldbestudying19 karma


icysuzy24 karma

We consider ourselves very lucky because we went in with only one embryo and it took the first time. Good luck to your friend, it may not take but chances are that it will, that's what all the hormones are there to ensure.

filthcradle18 karma

My wife and I are also planning to find a surrogate. My biggest fear is my wife feels inadequate as a woman for not being able to carry a child. Now in your scenario did the woman have any resentment or did you sense anything when the man showed excitement of the child? Hope that makes sense

icysuzy21 karma

In my case, the mother does not seem to have feelings like that as she has gone most of her life thinking she would not be able to have children. She had a hysterectomy at a very young age due to cancer. So now that she's able to have a child, she's just super happy about it. With your wife, I would suggest she gets some counseling before working with a surrogate and also talking about her fears and insecurities to get them in the open so they can be addressed if she starts having difficulties dealing with another woman having her baby. Ultimately if she's not cool with it, maybe surrogacy would not be a good idea for you guys.

mielyhiel17 karma

Is this something you could see yourself doing again? Are there women that make a career out of surrogacy?

icysuzy29 karma

Yes, I think I would potentially do it again.... it's just so rewarding and the thing is, once you've done it, they are willing to pay you more because you have proven that you can do it. Yes, I believe some women do make quite a career out of it. I am not sure I could do it more than twice, but who knows. I certainly don't judge women who are surrogates many many times, but I just don't think that would be for me.

flewanak16 karma

You're answering all these questions and having a pretty good time of it, I am pretty drunk but I wanted to say congratulations for the baby and well done for the AMA. Many blessings on you and may your baby be a loose cannon upspiring to all of us.

icysuzy14 karma

Thanks! I didn't know there would be so many questions but I am having fun!

CSUSBro15 karma

If it had been found that the fetus had deformities or a disability while still eligible for an abortion, and the IP wanted the abortion but you didn't get it, what would happen?

I want kids one day and I'm afraid of surrogacy because I'm afraid a birth defect will crop up and that my surrogate would refuse to get an abortion and then sue me for child support because I wouldn't take the child.

Does the contract signed by both parties address this? Would a contract like that hold up in court or would the person whose sperm was used still have to pay child support? Complications regarding this aspect of surrogacy are my biggest fear.

icysuzy20 karma

This is definitely in the contract and it is something you have to work out with the surrogate beforehand. As per my contract, if they wanted to have an abortion, I agree to go along with their decision. As long as you have a good surrogate and a good contract, this situation wouldn't happen. Just make sure you get a good lawyer and make sure you are all up front with each other about potential possibilities.

Prosopagnosiape15 karma

Bit of a weird/morbid question, but what would you do if, for some reason, the IP's both died, car crash or whatever? Would you keep the baby, or adopt it out, etc?

icysuzy34 karma

There's a family member of theirs who is designated as her legal guardian in such a case. I would prefer if she were to be the one to take responsibility for the child in such an event, but if that were not possible, I suppose I would step in.

CharistineE14 karma

I have a friend who cannot have kids. They have done in-vitro 3 or 4 times, each time losing the babies early or, in once case, losing the baby at a few months. I think that the next step for them may be surrogacy because they want a genetic baby so much.

If I had kids already, I would probably step up to do this for them... Maybe sometime in the future if they still want this. What is the procedure like for you?

icysuzy20 karma

Aside from the hormone injections, on my end it was really simple. I just went in and they implanted the fertilized embryo (just one) into my uterine lining and it stayed there. Like I said in a previous post, my body LOVES being pregnant.

Spamtickler13 karma

This is something my wife and I have been considering. Are there any contractual stipulations regarding sexual activity, diet, etc?

icysuzy27 karma

Yeah, don't drink, don't smoke, and don't knock her up with your own damn sperm.

muckseen12 karma

Well done for helping other people get the happy family they deserve :) I hope it all goes well for you.

My question: Do the intended parents have any sort of active role or interaction with you throughout your pregnancy? I know that (for example) some couples prefer different birthing methods to make the process easier/less traumatic for the baby, do they have any say in that sort of thing or is it all up to you so long as the baby is healthy?

icysuzy21 karma

They're very flexible, and have been involved by talking on the phone, Skype, texting, email, and we've come to visit/stay with them several times (in fact, we're at their house from now until after the delivery).

Pretty much we all want what's best for everyone, I've decided to have an epidural this time (I didn't have one when I have birth to my son) and they're definitely fine with that.

fightingpumpkincrime12 karma

Will the child know you gave birth to her? Do you know if the parents plan on telling her and being open about the process and who was involved?

icysuzy16 karma

She will know, eventually, when she's old enough to understand. Not sure when exactly but they plan on being very open about it with her.

PinkStraw11 karma

Is this your first time?

icysuzy15 karma


bebeinme11 karma

Do you feel any fondness for the baby? Like if you feel the baby kick and your entire belly shakes, or when you laugh and the baby kicks you for making then wiggle? When I was pregnant each day that went by I fell deeper and deeper in love with the baby. I know the baby isn't genetically yours, but witnessing this amazing thing (movement, ultrasounds, growing belly) is it hard not to fall in love with this beautiful thing you are creating?

icysuzy47 karma

I am fond of the baby, but in the way that you would be fond of your friend's daughter while you babysit her for an extended period of time. At the end of the day you are glad to send her home with her mommy.

phishsihd8 karma

How does your boyfriend feel about it. There's a possibility that my girlfriends sister can't have kids and my SO said she would surrogate if it came down to it. I've seriously wondered if I could put up with her being pregnant knowing the kid wasn't mine/we weren't keeping it.

icysuzy11 karma

Every relationship is different, of course... my bf doesn't want kids so it was a no-brainer for him. For you, if you potentially want kids, I can see how it might be hard to deal with this.

FantasticHamburguesa6 karma

What would you do if you found out that you're carrying the antichrist? (Saw Devil's Due last night)

icysuzy19 karma

AAAGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!! That explains all the late-night kicking sessions...

Inconspicuousness6 karma

How did this effect your sex life during the implantation phase? Were condoms required to have sex? When were they no longer required?

icysuzy16 karma

We were not allowed to have sex for I think two weeks before and two weeks after, to make sure that I didn't get pregnant by my bf and to make sure the embryo stayed implanted.

charderp6 karma

Did you do it just to farm karma?

icysuzy12 karma


ok_but6 karma

Can I call you Sweet Dee?

icysuzy16 karma

NO, I don't think that "It's Always Sunny..." treated surrogacy in a very positive light. Of course, that's their thing.

7am_2bottles6 karma

Do you have any kids of your own?

icysuzy8 karma

One five year old homeschooled joy of a son.

Nekohakase3 karma

I've thought about using a surrogate one day, simply because I am terrified of the pain of childbirth and the rumors of how it ruins your body. As a veteran mother, is any of that true? If it is, are you not worried about the pain or after effects of having a kid more than you have to?

icysuzy31 karma

If you're nervous about the pain of childbirth, get an epidural. It doesn't ruin your body. Some women get stretch marks, but if you eat healthily and take care of your skin, that probably won't happen. Don't turn to surrogacy just because you're scared of pregnancy and labor. Surrogacy should not be taken lightly.

wowohwow_2 karma

What happens if the parents decide they don't want the baby?

icysuzy11 karma

Pretty much people who turn to surrogacy are not the type of people who will suddenly change their mind about it.

wowohwow_3 karma

Haha I know what you mean. But what if the commissioning couple splits up, for example, and neither wants the child anymore? A lot can happen in 9 months. Does your contract cover such eventualities?

icysuzy8 karma

Yes, it even covers the highly unlikely situation that both parents die (the only case in which I would legally become the mother) but there is also another person (a family member of theirs) who is designated as the legal guardian in such a case.

Lady-Rainicorn101 karma

What are your family/friend's reaction to this? Has anyone been negative about it? P.s. You are awesome, xx

icysuzy3 karma

My mom was totally weird about it when I first told her ("I thought the next time you got pregnant it would be mine... I mean yours...") but she got used to the idea. It was a good idea to talk to her early on and often.

TokeandGo1 karma

Were there any costs that you have to pay? Or is it all taken care of by the parents?

icysuzy4 karma

Everything is taken care of. As per the contract, if it's pregnancy related it's their responsibility to cover it.

who_wants_jello1 karma

How did you find out about the opportunity? Were they friends of yours before? Is there some kind of "surrogates wanted" website?

icysuzy3 karma

Yeah, there are ads all over the internet. I met them through the agency I signed up with.

addcream1 karma

Do you think you might do it again in the future? (Thanks so much for doing this AMA)

icysuzy2 karma

I am seriously considering it, but not right away (I need a break from pregnancy for a while before I could do it again).

Hbender941 karma

I am generally very healthy (the only thing wrong with me is my eyesight), but a lot of problems run in my family. Does your family have to be generally healthy and free of all genetic diseases for you to be a surrogate even if you're not using your own eggs?

icysuzy3 karma

Yep, but the genetic problems you have may not be ones that disqualify you.

jleffert1 karma

. Do you miss the navy, and do any of your co-workers disagree with you decision to be a surrogate mother?

. Did you thoroughly check out the parents before agreeing to this, or did you already know them?

By the way your doing a good thing :)

icysuzy9 karma

I've been out of the Navy since 2006 and I don't have any co-workers. The only person from the Navy I keep in touch with is one of my best friends, who is now gay and very supportive of my decision (he's even suggested that he might be interested in having a child someday and I might be a surrogate for him).

BatXDude1 karma

I don't get how surrogates work necessarily. I know in the US it's popular and you can get paid, however how is this in the UK?

icysuzy2 karma

Anyone? Anyone? (I'm not from the UK.)

befree9041 karma

Do you have any kids of your own and are you doing this for a friend or family or complete stranger and how was the baby made donor or spouse ?

icysuzy5 karma

I have a five year old son, the couple were unknown to me before but are friends with me now, and we used an egg donor.

befree9041 karma

That's very nice of you to do this and very brave do you know if it's a boy or girl yet

icysuzy2 karma

She's a girl. :)

btsierra1 karma

So how far apart are the contractions?

icysuzy2 karma

whew... not happening yet.

KingOfAllDownvotes-17 karma

Don't you think it's time to stop counting in weeks?

icysuzy5 karma

Yeah I guess so... lol

icysuzy9 karma

Counting in weeks helps me feel like I am really getting closer to the end... if I said I was eight months pregnant, I'd be saying that for so long that I'd feel like I'd been eight months pregnant forEVER, so I guess that's why I've been doing the weeks thing.