IAMA 19 year old homeless female living in a shelter. There are a few of these, but everyone's situation is different, so AMA!

How are you using reddit? Library?

I know I'm going to get shit for being homeless and having a smartphone, but when I bought it a year ago when i had a pretty well paying job, I had no idea I'd be homeless now.

No no its fine I was just sitting here thinking about it.

Hey you need some kind of outlet.

Yeah those things have a short battery life.

Budum ch

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Yes, but I'll save you the scrolling. My mother is an alcoholic hoarder who cannot take me on and my father hasn't spoken to me in almost ten years.

Thanks, I looked through the whole thread to find it. Have you tried speaking to your father or were there a bunch of questions about your parents that were already answered?

I answered them, but I have tried numerous times. He has never wanted anything to do with me (or any of his children).

How are you paying the bill?

My ex's family is paying for it until the contract is up because he's living in the apartment that I payed most of the first, last, and security for.

You sound so classy, smart, and mentally healthy - I suspect you might be doing an AMA in the future about being extremely successful in your career and FORMERLY homeless. No questions, just wanted to compliment you on the way you are handling life, homelessness, and some tacky redditors' stupid questions, and to wish you all the best!

Thank you for the motivation. I can't wait to prove you right!

Does the shelter require that you do any work?

I'm not sure if you mean house work, or off-site work, so I'll answer both. Yes, I'm required to do basic chores like cleaning the bathroom, mopping, and just other basic house chores. I'm also required to actively look for housing and jobs (who wouldn't want to do that, anyway?).

The homeless people in my city that live in the library during the hours they're supposed to be getting back on their feet, for one.

Best of luck to you OP. Stay away from drugs.

Seriously.

Hm, I find that the library is one of the best places for finding resources for gettinf back on my feet, is it not?

How did it happen to you?

Edit: punctuation

I put a lot of money into moving into an apartment with my now ex-boyfriend in another state. Things collapsed between the two of us, and I now have nowhere to stay for the time being.

How south did they go? I actually shared a house with my ex-wife for a while and it did not ruin our lives or anything. Obviously if he hit you or was emotionally abusive or something this would not work out, but is it totally impossible for you to continue to share the apartment until you are on your feet?

I found out he was cheating for months right before I got there and that he had been lying about ever having a girlfriend. (We'd been together for almost three years at this point.) The girl he had been having a side relationship with (and her friends) wouldn't stop harassing me and he refused to stand up for me. He told me that if I had such a problem with it that he'd have to bring me back home (NY).

Proof? (See sidebar for details)

http://www.imgur.com/fqUX4p4.png I'm trying to figure out what better proof I can provide.

How is the food? Do people know that you're homeless when you meet them at first ?

The food is all pre-cooked and frozen. In the few days that I've been here I haven't seen a single vegetable, save the meals that have been provided for me elsewhere. I'm not complaining, its free; There are children and pregnant women in this house, and the lack of vitamins in the food is slightly off-putting

Does the shelter accept donations?

It's a shelter funded by the salvation army. (Good thing they don't know I'm bisexual and have no religion!)

How much do you know about the salvation army? I don't think they care about things like that. They provide for anyone, regardless of beliefs.

Hm, I know a lot of places aren't strict, but I have read about them shutting down shelters in order to avoid treating homosexuals as equals. I haven't had any issues personally , though.

Do you feel bad that you omitted that info to the people who run the shelter? I mean I understand, you do what you have to do, but do you even consider things integrity-wise when your in your situation?

They never asked me about my religion or orientation.

Also, there is no sign that says "you must be a straight Christian to stay here". If I wasn't a redditor, I probably wouldn't have known that the salvation army discriminates against gays and non-christians anyway. I don't think I have a reason to "feel bad".

No one knows that I'm homeless except my ex and my best friend.

Your ex knows your homeless after you helped him move and he's not even offering to help??

I suppose he did help by bringing me back to NY and bringing me to DSS, and then to the shelter. After all of the emotional trauma he put me though, I'd rather he stay far away from me. I'd rather do it on my own, or with the temporary help of the state, than let him help me only to shove it back in my face as he's done.

I am really curious as to your friends. I know not many people have those, but you seriously don't have a friend you could crash with for a month or two and just snag a job to get you on your feet asap? I seen you mention getting kicked out of your current place when you get a job or whatever, but I find it hard to believe you can't find some place to crash and work to get yourself back on your feet. Friends and family may have problems, but if they can't board you up for a month while you work so you can save money for rent/etc... that's some pretty shitty family/friends.

I have one friend that I trust, that lives in the nearby area that has offered me her couch countless times. I've taken the offer before, but I feel extremely awkward and unwanted there. She and her boyfriend share an apartment in a house his mother owns, and I've over heard him saying, to his mother, that he wanted me to leave. They're going through their own issues as well. I have no place there. I feel that this is my best and only option if I'm going to get myself out of it.

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A lot of the women here tend to have come out of some pretty shitty situations, so the mood is generally hostile. I keep interaction to a minimum, but I really try and smile and be friendly to the children. The hardest thing here, by far, is dealing with the way some of these women treat their children. It makes me physically ill, and a lot of times I have to remember to bite my tongue to avoid being kicked out. I try and be a bright face for the little ones. I try not to let it get to me.

For example, this morning, we were at the table eating breakfast. A curious four year old boy asked his mother what kind if bread was on his plate and she replied with "It's fucking french toast, you mutt." and no one even batted an eye. Then she got angry when he asked what kind of fruit was on my plate, because apparently, "Peaches" was the nickname of the woman her ex had cheated on her with. Because apparently, the anger should be taken out on the four year old, as it must be entirely his fault. /s /endrant

There's one little girl, maybe two, who cries non-stop, not necessarily making any noise, just sobbing. She's obviously very sick and has a constant running nose. I handed her a tissue and her older brother, around three, tells me she's sick from drinking water from a puddle.

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If I'm one minute late past curfew (11pm for single women, 9pm for women with children), I'm immediately kicked out. There are other fairly obvious rules, such as no fighting, music blaring, etc. Two violations of such rules and I'm out. Pretty simple stuff.

No restrictions on drugs?

I'm not sure, they told me not to bring any alcohol into the house. I don't have an issue with drugs or alcohol which is something they address before placement in this specific shelter. I'm assuming that they place addicts in treatment before placing them in a shelter like this one, but I'm sure some slip through the cracks. Sorry I can't answer your question specifically.

I forgot to mention that on weekdays, everyone has to leave the house from 9am-4pm

Where do you go?

Library, coffee shops, sometimes I just take a walk. I have a friend or two i see sometimes. Luckily I became homeless after the worst of the cold weather

Where do you go during the day? I know someone who had to stay in two different shelters I believe and he said the same, had to leave during the day. That part doesn't make sense to me. What does women with children do during the day?!

Plus, what about winter months? I hope it's not cold where you are! I live in MI so our MI winters aren't fun to be out in when the temps really drops. :/

I explained a bit about what I do during the day, but women with children too young for school usually go to the library. On the weekends, we aren't required to leave, so this makes it a bit easier for the mothers and children. You sound like an excellent, caring mommy. I bet your children absolutely adore and admire you.

Best advice-- no matter how weird it gets, stay true to your own values. It's too easy to make bad decisions when you get that helpless depression thing going. Fight that shit hard. Yeah, you took a tough hit. But I'm hearing a person that is learning acceptance, which is a strength, not a weakness. And don't forget to share the shit that works for you. Others need help, too, even from you. You seem to be far more interested in 'saving yourself' as opposed to those who expect rescue. Good for you. Not being afraid to work is way to your advantage. Some folks do lose that and never seem to get back any social graces whatsoever, nor desire to control their lives. Stay strong... sounds like you have some pretty good mojo going on...

Acceptance is one of the things I'm trying to embrace the most right now. I think the people that are going through downvoting all my comments are thinking that I'm doing this IAMA for some sort of handout, and that's just nonsense. I'm not really sure why I'm doing it, really, maybe I just need an outlet. Either way, this comment is definitely making it worth while. I'm taking your advice wholeheartedly. Thank you, a million times over.

Is this temporary or are you stuck there?

I'm stuck here for the time being, but I'm confident that I'll be out of here as quickly as possible!

How long have you been there?

Homeless for almost a month, in the shelter for three days.

OP what are your previous work credentials in? I may be able to help with something in the job area. I'm in Va,but I do freelance work for a clothing company in brooklyn.

I appreciate it, but I don't live in NYC. But to answer your question, I work mostly in foodservice. I do have customer service representative experience as well. Mostly waitressing and coffee shops, though. Once I find a room to rent, finding work will be easy! I answered other questions on why I need to find housing first. Thank you so much for your concearn.

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Being a 14-year old kid, I hope you find a way out of it and never have to deal with it again. But my question is, what are some of the strangest things you've seen happen while being homeless? Have you ever met anyone who has become homeless from a similar situation that you have? And what are some of the cruelest things you have seen happen to some other people?

I don't think I've seen many strange things, save the normal strangeness that you'd see anywhere else. Some of the people at the DSS office were probably the most cruel. They made me feel like I was less than a human being. I'm sure that they do deal with a lot of bullshit at that job, though. The mothers here at the shelter treat their children rather cruel as well. I gave a few examples above. I've witnessed many people become homeless in a similar manner that I have. Some have made it out, some haven't. I grew up poor my entire life. I'm confident ill break the cycle. Thank you for your questions! Have fun being 14!

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When checking into the shelter, they provide the women with a list of websites and other resources to find a job and a home. Luckily, the library is only a block away, so there are few excuses to give for not complying with the manditory job and home search.

I don't have any questions. I just wanted to offer consolences. I've been homeless myself more than once and have also worked with the homeless. I hope you make it out of this situation and get back on your feet quickly. You seem to have a positive attitude about things though, which will work in your favor. Good luck.

I definitely plan on helping out in shelters once I'm out of here. Hope everythings going well for you!

What do you do to pass the time by? I have always wondered this about homeless people. And finally just out of curiosity, what music do you like?

I pass the time by looking for ways out! I just checked out Carl Sagans biography and a few of his books (Contact, Cosmos) so that keeps me busy. I workout a lot, too. I have a pretty diverse music preference. Chili peppers, black keys, modest mouse. Nas, Pac. Old school R&B, dancehall reggae. A bit of everything!

Do you have a Paypal account so that us Redditors can help you out?

I don't feel comfortable accepting money from strangers. Thank you, though. Very thoughtful.

What are the demographics in the shelter? I've stayed at a mens' shelter and it was mostly drug addicts and mentally ill people. I'd be interested to know how womens' shelters compare.

Honestly, I haven't gotten to know any of the women here on a personal basis. A lot of the women just stay in their rooms and keep to themselves. Most women are here, so I've heard, because of domestic violence issues. I'm pretty interested in why they're here, but I don't want to be invasive.

What are you doing to get yourself back on your feet?

I have 4+ years of work experience and a strong work eithic, so finding a job will be pretty easy. The tricky thing is that once you find a job, you're out of here. NYS is providing my first month of rent and security at a max of $375 per month, so my first priority is finding a room. It is very difficult to find a landlord willing to accept DSS, but I just have to keep calling. Once I find that room, I'm out of here. I see myself finding and starting a job within days of that. From there I'd ljke to get my GED as soon as possible and I am very much looking forward to starting school in the fall!

Good Luck!

Thank you so much!

What is your dream job?

I want to be the next Dorothea Dix! Prison reformation. That's a pretty powerful role, I think. That would definitely be my dream job. I'm going to start off by majoring in human resources. Prison reformation or not, though, human resource jobs are abundant.

I believe in an earlier comment you stated that you were pretty much abandoned in another state. I find this to be extremely deplorable if what I'm thinking is true. I've moved a girl twice from another state but I never totally abandoned them when I broke up with them. I either gave them money to get back home or let them live with me until they could arrange that. Could you elaborate on why your ex didn't do what he was supposed to do?

He actually did bring me back to New York. He brought me to the DSS building and stayed until my paperwork was done and then brought me to the shelter. It was my choice to leave him, allthough I didn't have much of one.

So you are actually in your home state?

Yes. I just have no one to stay with. Alcoholic, hoarding mother and absent father.

If only you lived in Tennessee. I'm sorry it's going rough for you. But when you do get past this, you'll be able to conquer any situation ^{_^} Don't give up, ever! You're awesome!

Thank you! I appreciate it a lot.

Does it feel lonely there?

(On a side note, I was having a terrible day and feeling upset. Things are not going great in my life and I don't know how to fix them. Your IAmA started to make me feel stronger somehow. My sincere wishes for you.)

Honestly, yes. Especially after just coming out of a breakup, I do feel lonely. Luckily I have ways to keep my mind busy. I really appreciate you telling me that, though. You simultaneously made me feel better as well. I thank you for that :)

What is one of the homeless steriotypes that you found to be completely untrue?

Ill start with the stereotypes that are true: No high school diploma, grew up poor, absent father, on temporary government assistance Untrue: I don't "look homeless" (if that's even a thing) or beg for, or even accept money, I don't push around a shopping cart, I'm not addicted to any drugs and I don't drink, I don't sleep on park benches, and I certainly don't have a beard! Hope this answers your question!

This is from my 10 year old step daughter: How much do you get to eat?

I would say that the food portions are about average. They put the food in big bowls and you scoop out the food onto your plate yourself, so I guess it's up to me how much I eat. There definitely isn't enough to get stuffed, but I would say that I do get full, or at least close to it. Thanks for asking!

You are very beautiful. I hope everything works out!

Thank you so much, I know it will.

First I just want to say, I am not making any assumptions about your circumstance or your priorities/ morals etc.

Have any men upon finding out you were homeless tried to pay you for sex?

I don't tell anyone I'm homeless.

Do you think your boyfriend is supposed to be blamed for this? Not completely but to a certain extent..

I blame him for the fall of our relationship for sure, but I'm really trying hard not to blame anyone for my homelessness.

Technically, yes, I think so anyway. If you get someone to move to a new state/country/etc, you are pretty much their only guide to that particular area. I think it would be the morally correct thing to do is to guide them back home at the very least.

He did drive her back to New York, where her family lives. If OP doesn't want to ask her family for help and would rather live in a homeless shelter, that's her decision.

I know I sound like an asshole, but it sounds like she is just accepting this situation instead of actively trying to improve it.

My family can NOT help me. They cannot even help themselves. Why would I be living in a homeless shelter if I truly had any other options? Have you ever experienced living in a homeless shelter? How can you possibly think that I'm not trying to help myself after reading this iama?

Do you feel shitty about it? Or do you feel just as happy as if you had a place to live? Im a 20 year old female that lives in a car. So Im on a somewhat similar level. And I have been happier in the time I have been homeless than I have ever been.

I'm happy that I escaped a shitty situation. Sure, the physical things around me aren't pretty. But in my head, I'm at peace. That's the most important thing. I know things are improving. Good luck to you. Keep that positivity!

have you thought of couch surfing? you can go online and find people who are willing to let you crash on their couch while you look for a job. they do them all over so i'm sure they're are some available in your area. just an idea, good luck!

I think I'm most comfortable staying in the shelter for now, I feel stable here, at least for the few days that ill be here. Meals, my own bed, etc.. I mentioned earlier that I see couch surfing as more of a temporary solution. Thank you for the advice! I do plan on couch surfing one day, and eventually even hosting!

Where do you live?(which city) sorry evil question. Everyone needs a helping hand... Even a place to stay?

That's not an evil question, I just don't feel comfortable answering. Thank you, anyway! :)

You are not working? Are minimum wage jobs that hard to come by?

You're right! They're easy to come by. The trouble is, as I mentioned, once I find a job, I'm no longer qualified to stay here and therefore I will not have a place to sleep. My priorities are to find a place to stay first, then a job will follow within days.

I don't understand why you're homeless...

You say you can find a job... Why not get one? Why can't you find somewhere to live?

If you read through the IAMA, I'm certain your question will be answered.

Has anything dangerous/scary happened to you since being homeless?

I honestly can't think of anything dangerous or scary. I tend to be either at the library reading or at a coffee shop reading, so that eliminates most threats

What state is your ex-boyfriend in, and what state are you in now?

I'm in NY, but I don't feel comfortable answering on his part for the sake of anonymity. It is a neighbouring state.

Where's your family? Do they know anything about your situation?

My immediate family is nearby, but they each have their own set of issues to deal with. My father doesn't know my situation because he's been hiding from child support collection for almost ten years. I haven't spoken to him since I was ten. Before that, I would see him maybe twice a year with years of gaps in between. Interestingly enough, he's the only person in my family that has money. I hope this answers your question.

No offense intended towards you, but your dad sounds like a dick.

He once showed up to child support court with an ounce of weed on him so that he'd be arrested and therefore avoided paying/dealing with the fees at the time. Another time he loaded a whopping $0.73 onto the child support card. Imagine my face when I saw the envelope, got excited and then looked inside. He's a real winner!

Well if you know where he is, can you not/should you not report him to the child support people?

He has been on the run from them for years now. They tell me that they can't find him. He never shows up for court.

Are you going to college or plan on it?

Yes, I plan on it 100% and I'm hoping to be able to start in the fall! I'm beyond excited to go back, I've been reading and writing like crazy to get myself back in the groove.

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I didn't say go back to "college", I said back to school. I've been to school before. Never college. Sorry if I worded that incorrectly.

You seem to be a nice person and well educated, I'm not in the US but my door is wide open for you. You can try coachsurfing? It's usually for traveller but if the feeling is good you it can be a good solution, I hosted a man in the same situation as you for a few months.

I would definitely couch surf, but only if I was on my feet. I see that as more of a temporary solution.

This may be an uncomfortable idea for you, but have you considered joining the US Military?

So long as you're in reasonable physical health (no asthma etc.), don't have a drug problem, and have a relatively clean criminal background you'll almost certainly be accepted. They would provide you with housing, food, good medical care, steady pay, and money for college after your enlistment is over. Depending on the service you join and the jobs you apply for, you can be almost guaranteed to never see combat.

Basic training may seem intimidating, especially if you're not in great physical shape, but modern basic is nothing like Full Metal Jacket. Furthermore, it's a program which is designed so that basically anyone can get through it.

I know the prospect of joining the military is probably not all that attractive to most people, but it could help break you out of a bad rut and it wouldn't be a bad experience. There are all sorts of military jobs with real world application, or that will complement a college degree.

A quick internet search can tell you how to get into contact with a recruiter. Just read carefully before you sign anything.

I actually plan on starting college in the fall. Thank you for your advice, though.

To study what?

Human resources. I explained earlier that I'm interested in prison reformation. I'm considering accounting, too. Maybe Master's in HR and a certificate or Associates in Accounting.

How are you going to pay for that?

Given my financial situation, I'm almost guaranteed full tuition coverage with grants. If I have to take out loans, I will.

Feet?

No.

read most of the comments... Do you have / can you get a transit pass?

Reason being to expand your radius. Why?

So you can hang out in coffee shops farther from the shelter. Why? Independent/Mom&Pop owner/operator who will hire you and let you couch surf until payday.

I don't have a transit pass, but I do have a little bit of money for light travel. Where are you located?

are you hungry? lol i'll be in the city later. Always looking to help a fellow ny'er and you def earned your credentials after staying in a shelter (unless you moved back to ny and now have no where to live, in which case you'd still be a ny'er but i'm off topic) pm me if you'd like

I appreciate it, but I don't live in New York City.

How do you want people to treat the homeless? I live in a city with a lot of homeless people and I'm unsure how you'd like to be treated.

Not to sound rude, but I'm trying to understand why you think homeless people would like to be treated differently than anyone else?

I should rephrase, I don't mean to offend you. In my city homeless people aren't treated like everyone else. They are avoided and in some cases made fun of. Besides giving money to you, does a simple smile help your day?

Would a smile not brighten your day? How would a homeless person feel any different? Some people like to be smiled at, some don't. Its not a matter of homelessness. Besides, you could never tell that I am homeless unless I told you. I would never accept money from anyone I don't know, anyway. Not all homeless people carry bags of clothes and push around a shopping cart. Again, not trying to sound rude.

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I don't really care how you know, honestly. I just think it was rude of you to comment about it instead of messaging me. I'm not going to answer any more of your questions, and I hope a mod removes your comment.

Why do people need a homeless shelter? Can't a person get SSDI, food stamps and section 8 housing and get a place of their own?

People need a homeless shelter for the gap in between. There are not many landlords willing to accept people struggling on DSS.

would you like fries with that?

I've had plenty of jobs making well over minimum wage, and I am competent enough to go much further... nice try, though. Try not to generalize, if your simple mind can handle such a task. I pity you.

you never answered their question.

Yes, I would like some sweet potato fries, actually.

you obviously think you are too good to work fast food though... but not too good to live in a shelter.

Maybe if you'd read the Iama, you'd get a little sense of what's actually going on. He didn't say "Hey, maybe you should get a job at McD's". He said something that was very obviously meant to be offensive. I'm not "too good" for anything.

Have you ever banged anyone for coke?

Interesting that you think that'd be a priority. No, I've never banged anyone for anything except an orgasm, and I've never done coke.