Comments: 117 • Responses: 29 • Date: 2013-03-09 02:24:10 UTCsource
oldspice7527 karma2013-03-09 02:40:27 UTC
Is your father keeping it a big secret?
Are you mentioned in your family's Christmas cards and campaign/biographical materials?
Does he really hate gays, or his stance just partisan? Or from religious beliefs?
Are you on speaking terms? Do you think he hates you now? How does the rest of your family treat you?
How old are you and how long since you came out?
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thestone4152 karma2013-03-09 04:12:24 UTC
I came out my senior year of high school in a sort of fucked up situation. In short, I was basically harrased into coming out by my father who's sadly blinded by religion and thought he was genuinely doing good by trying to talk me into being straight - on a daily basis. I think it's important to point this out though, he was never intentionally disrespectful to me during the whole blow up. He never used any dirogotory terms or name calling, it was more just saying how wrong and against the Bible homosexuality is. And honestly I think it was even worse that way. It was a really confusing time in my life and I'm glad to say that we've both come a long ways since my first couple years of undergrad. So no, he doesnt hate me and never has. Even during the worst arguments, he made sure to make it a point to say he loved me and always would. It's sad because I really do believe he thought he was doing the right thing at that time.
2SP00KY4ME14 karma2013-03-09 05:08:44 UTC
I can respect a person so much more when they are like that - very few Christians can stick to their morals while still pushing things like that.
Either way though, it is sad, but at least in this situation he is still remaining relatively true to his religion.
calfonso13 karma2013-03-09 10:30:25 UTC
yeah id rather be loved and bothered than hated without reason.
thestone411 karma2013-03-09 16:38:44 UTC
Couldn't have said it better myself.
malvoliosf-13 karma2013-03-09 05:11:10 UTC
How is that fucked up? It's unfortunate that your father's (admittedly groundless) beliefs conflict with your orientation, but it sounds like he did the best he could in the situation.
thestone4114 karma2013-03-09 06:46:54 UTC
It was fucked up because of the way it happened. I agree with you, he did what he felt was right, but I should've been the one to come to him to talk about it, not the other way around.
firelf9318 karma2013-03-09 02:34:08 UTC
Has this affected relationships with other friends of family members?
thestone4132 karma2013-03-09 05:08:01 UTC
All of my immediate family is cool with it besides my dad. I'm really close with my siblings and they played a huge role in saving my relationship with my parents.
saurellia11 karma2013-03-09 05:18:52 UTC
they played a huge role in saving my relationship with my parents.
they played a huge role in saving my relationship with my parents.
Can you elaborate?
thestone4121 karma2013-03-09 05:34:55 UTC
Well, specifically my older sister went through a similar situation with my parents and having her to guide me through such a tough time literally saved my life. I should mention my 12th grade English teacher too. She's a badass and I attribute how far I've come to the both of them. It's amazing how far a few encouraging words can go.
omniscientclown14 karma2013-03-09 07:28:06 UTC
What was your older sister's similar situation?
thestone411 karma2013-03-09 17:34:06 UTC
She had an abortion and he kicked her out when she needed support the most.
seokso14 karma2013-03-09 02:40:34 UTC
If you knew what your father was like, why did you come out the them? Why not wait until you were on your own already?
thestone4123 karma2013-03-09 05:15:09 UTC
I was basically forced to come out. My dad recognized that I started staying out later and started tracking where I was going and found out that I had gone to a few gay bars. Instead of letting me come to him, he sat me down one day and straight up asked me. I lied for a while but I'd keep going out and he'd keep playing passive aggressive until one day I had enough and just told him. In retrospect, I really think I made the right choice. Yes, I had a couple rough semesters, but I learned a lot about myself and I'm a better person today because of it.
BonChicBonScott6 karma2013-03-09 09:14:18 UTC
How did he "track" you?
Electronically? Had you followed?
demedial6 karma2013-03-09 11:52:05 UTC
Im guessing a money trail.
thestone411 karma2013-03-09 16:47:56 UTC
I had my own job with my own bank account. He had no idea where my money was being spent.
thestone411 karma2013-03-09 16:46:30 UTC
To this day, I have no idea. There was no gps app on my iphone or my car...When I asked him, he ambiguously replied, "Do you have any idea how much I do for the ____ police dept?" - I guess hinting that because he allocates a fair amount of funds to them, that he can make a phone call and have me tracked down. Seems like bull shit but I honestly have no idea how else he knew where I was every time I went out.
tree_village9 karma2013-03-09 02:31:21 UTC
So are you now living on your own? And how did the rest of your family react to you coming out?
thestone4142 karma2013-03-09 02:39:16 UTC
I currently go to a four year university and I'm living alone, working towards my degree with some help from scholarships. As upset I was with my Father for being a total prick, I was more upset with my mom for being so silent during the whole blow-up. Although I could see it in her eyes that she wanted to say something and stand up for me, she never did...that to me was the hardest part.
shabbasuraj7 karma2013-03-09 02:42:43 UTC
Did you vote for Obama? How did you feel about his announcements of support of gay rights at his inauguration?
thestone4116 karma2013-03-09 05:50:24 UTC
Of course I did.
blurrymemories7 karma2013-03-09 05:24:01 UTC
Are you conservative?
thestone4116 karma2013-03-09 05:29:29 UTC
Physically moderate, socially liberal.
prayingformojo69 karma2013-03-09 05:56:33 UTC
It is good you don't go to extremes with your body, but I think you meant, "fiscally".
thestone4118 karma2013-03-09 06:05:46 UTC
Lol yah that one.
weisblattsnut5 karma2013-03-09 03:02:08 UTC
I hate Florida. Do You hate Florida?
thestone4118 karma2013-03-09 04:49:37 UTC
Aside from the politics, I absolutely love it.
I_Will_Work_For_You5 karma2013-03-09 03:23:58 UTC
If you have a decent amount of money from dad, can I be your butler?
thestone4121 karma2013-03-09 04:48:48 UTC
the-nerdy-goth4 karma2013-03-09 04:06:37 UTC
What is it like when you guys converse? What happens when gay rights are brought up?
thestone417 karma2013-03-09 04:46:22 UTC
Unfortunately it really isn't brought up often enough. And I think that's partially my fault. When it has come up though, it's the same as any other conversation with a right wing conservative regarding social issues - Jesus, Bible, Jesus, Bible, wrong, unholy, abomination, blah blah blah. So, I've learned the easier way out is just to ignore him. I mentioned this in another comment - unless he comes out in support of a bill that directly attacks marriage equality, I'm staying out of politics for now.
the-nerdy-goth2 karma2013-03-09 04:52:21 UTC
How about your mother? I sure hope that she's proud of you. If she's not, I'm proud of you for staying strong through living in a family who can't agree with who you are.
thestone418 karma2013-03-09 05:01:33 UTC
My mother and I are actually doing awesome. I never thought this time would come, especially because she has always been so dependent on and somewhat controlled by my dad. She's even apologized and surprisingly, we've become so much closer through it all.
spaceritual3 karma2013-03-09 07:51:53 UTC
thestone411 karma2013-03-09 17:06:25 UTC
Correct, I was right around that age. Unfortunately, I had a very religious upbringing and it wasn't until later into adolescence that I even began to entertain the idea that I could be gay. To me, it was something that was wrong and something that needed to be overcome, or as my dad put it so many times, my "Cross to bear." So, I'd say that I didn't even realize that his religious and political beliefs directly affected me with regards to my sexual orientation until I came out to myself (mid-way through senior year).
I was never afraid of it damaging his career, because it was never really about him. It was more about me being 18 and just coming out and not really being ready for all that it could potentially result in.
And I don't know if it would damage his career. If/when he decides to run for Congress, I'm sure the issue is going to be brought up and if I'm asked my sexual orientation, I will absolutely tell any reporter that I'm gay.
Errenden2 karma2013-03-09 15:12:46 UTC
I'm assuming you grew up religious so have you reconciled with your religion?
thestone412 karma2013-03-09 17:23:08 UTC
Nope, never will. I almost killed myself because of it...consulting christian anti-gay therapists, trying to force my gayness out of me by fasting, going to church 3 times a week, and oppressing all of my sexual feelings for a solid part of my youth. After seeing this aspect of religion, I could never consider it ever again.
MaxVonWhite2 karma2013-03-09 13:53:10 UTC
Do you have gay friends that know who your father is? What do they think about him?
thestone412 karma2013-03-09 17:11:52 UTC
Gay and straight alike, my friends can't stand him.
ChaoticFiend1 karma2013-03-09 15:10:09 UTC
thestone411 karma2013-03-09 17:18:48 UTC
Currently, it's a thousand times better. For a while it was a sort of don't ask, don't tell period (even though I had already come out to him). But just very recently, I had a very long and honest conversation with him and he has come to learn to rest his case which is something I never thought would happen.
I wish him the best in his future endeavors but I disagree with him on just about every issue and I often wonder if I'd vote for him if given the opportunity. Part of me is selfish and wants to reap the benefits of being the son of a politician.
mtwdk1 karma2013-03-09 12:39:17 UTC
Hey bud. really sorry to hear about your situation. Why dont you read the bible (old testament) and find all the places that are f'ed (dont eat shell fish, if your daughter is raped she should marry the raper, etc.). Ask you dad why he has so much against gays (b/c of the bible) but don't care about all these other things... Just a thought. Keep on trucking!
thestone411 karma2013-03-09 17:09:08 UTC
Been there, done that. His response was that I'm ignoring the truth and looking for ways to circumvent it.
You cannot reason with a politician my friend.
freemike0 karma2013-03-09 12:34:16 UTC
If you came out as an atheist (not saying you are), would the fallout be worse?
thestone411 karma2013-03-09 17:29:36 UTC
Well, to him, me coming out was basically admitting that I worshiped the devil too.
meshugganah-1 karma2013-03-09 02:54:50 UTC
Do you not have anything you can use to blackmail him? I mean, fair is fair, right?
thestone4119 karma2013-03-09 06:18:42 UTC
Yah, I've got a thirty minute long iPhone recording of him telling me how I'm listening to lies from the enemy, I'm going to be promiscuous, and that my sexual orientation was going to define my identity. I just took it for personal reasons, maybe to show him in 5-10 years how much hurtful shit he said. But I'd never use it as blackmail against him.
rainbow-sailor5 karma2013-03-09 11:11:56 UTC
I saved several texts and a couple emails from my dad along those lines, to prove to him that, yes,he does say awful things.
Weirdly enough, he's the first family member I came out to, because I'd come out to my best friend and she threw a huge scene in the middle of class and accused me of being bisexual "just for the attention." I came home sobbing, Dad was there, blahblah, and he was great. Super supportive and wonderful.
Flash forward a few years, and he's "renewed his personal relationship with Jesus," and turned into a homophobic dickwad. And he tries to deny it, too, and deny that anything he says against gay people is meant against me.
So I saved his texts and emails, and I'll pull 'em out during arguments when he starts in on it.
thestone411 karma2013-03-09 17:25:46 UTC
I'm so sorry to hear that. I can't imagine him being so supportive and then just changing like that out of nowhere. It's really scary what religion does to some people.
challenge_accepted13-3 karma2013-03-09 03:42:25 UTC
Currently an intern working at the Capitol in Tally and I really want to know who your dad is...Any hints?
thestone4126 karma2013-03-09 04:37:34 UTC
He wears a suit and tie.
bsting82-7 karma2013-03-09 04:10:40 UTC
thestone4112 karma2013-03-09 04:29:51 UTC
Yup. As I've mentioned, it's more because I'm not ready to start dealing with media exposure. Unless he sponsors a bill that directly attacks marriage equality, I'm choosing to stay out of it. I'm still an undergrad... I'm just trying to focus on school and some other projects I've been working on - I don't really want to deal with politics at this moment.
saurellia6 karma2013-03-09 05:22:03 UTC
Just because you are angry with or hurt/wronged by someone doesn't mean you want to escalate hostilities. There is a history of users wreaking havoc on individuals with this kind of information. Unless OP hates his dad, maybe he does not want to expose him to the wrath of the hivemind.
thestone416 karma2013-03-09 06:11:28 UTC
Precisely. Thanks for that!
[deleted]-10 karma2013-03-09 02:25:05 UTC
thestone4112 karma2013-03-09 02:34:22 UTC
He is still pursuing his political career and I prefer that both him and I remain anonymous, not as much for his sake but for mine. You can see that puredemo, the mod, approved me - "verified that OP is the son of a conservative, Florida state representative."
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