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Comments: 451 • Responses: 116  • Date: 

fishguy200174 karma

Do you ever ask for an id, even when you are confident the person is of age, just so you can find out a hotty's name?

MissBerlin145 karma

Yes, Sir.

fallore55 karma

how do you get treated in comparison to male bouncers?

what responsibilities do you have that come from you being female?

obligatory crazy stories?

MissBerlin118 karma

Treated by the patrons or the staff? haha. The male patrons are usually a little incredulous when they see me standing at the door. I get some lip, but I also get a lot of ''wow, respect''. My co-workers have never been anything but respectful and awesome. Trust between each other is key in this job, as we have to know that we've got the other's back, and that we'll make the right calls.

Responsibilities that come from exclusively being female? I can check the girls' toilets if a girl is passed out/alcohol poisioned/screwing someone in there, as well as being the only member of staff that can escort out women while touching anything other than their forearms. That's a huge advantage, as chick fights can get really really nasty, but my male co-workers are kind of limited in the way they can break it up.

Crazy stories? Once Got shoved to the ground, climbed on top of and punched directly in the jaw by a (reasonably famous) rugby player. My co-workers pulled him off me. I took him back, kicked him in the back of the knees and choked him out (this wasn't the beginning of the incident, so it was appropriate at this time to do that), and then laughed when I saw the policeman's surprise when he found out who'd done it.

ANaiveUterus25 karma

Michelle Rodriguez??

MissBerlin11 karma


ANaiveUterus25 karma

The story just seems like something Michelle Rodriguez would get herself into. Side note: you're a badass. Thank you for your badassery.

MissBerlin24 karma

I looked her up. I'm stoked with the compliments. Cheers :D

DucksNuts23 karma

(reasonably famous) rugby player

oooo who?

MissBerlin59 karma

Haha well he was reasonably famous at the time. He didn't get much further though, so the fame died out pretty quickly.

Also, I can't say. Work rules. Ironically though, I also do security for the players after game lounge in my city, and saw him a few weeks later. He would not look at me. Sobriety probably made that incident feel pretty embarrassing for him.

Peralton42 karma

What are some signs that something is about to happen? Are you able to tell troublemakers right away and keep an eye on them? What sort of stuff do you look for?

MissBerlin58 karma

Excellent question!

Yes, sometimes you can tell people who might make trouble, and you direct the staff inside to keep an eye (or you do, if you're inside). Usually their attitude at the door says a lot. The way they're interacting with the people they're with. Aggression is pretty easy to see, or if they're talking about what a shit night they're having in an annoyed way, you can bet that will mean their fuse is already a bit shorter.

Honestly though? Sometimes it's impossible. The friendly polite girl at the door can get into a punch up over nothing. The guy who seemed sober all night can take offence at something minimal and go nuts. You do learn to rely on gut feeling a lot.

Spugly15 karma

Thank you for giving me the phrase "get into a punch up over nothing."

MissBerlin15 karma

Really never heard that before? With girls it's almost always that way. Their fights are over jack shit.

lordborghild3 karma


MissBerlin9 karma

Because sometimes a bad mood can be changed by a change of scenery (maybe something happened at the last bar that upset them), or a change of music, change of crowd are enough to get them in a better mood. We monitor them and make sure there are no signs of trouble, and bring them to the door for a chat if it looks like they're beginning to start crap. Communication is key.

OakOrc34 karma

What is the strangest interaction you have had with someone while on the job?

MissBerlin92 karma

Strangest interaction. That one is tough. A lot of people get weird when they're drunk. One guy I dragged out after he grabbed a girl's ass and then got into a fight with her boyfriend stuck around for hours. First just verbally abusing me, then leaving, coming back, doing it some more, and then begging me for a date. Continuously until we closed. I was a bit creeped out when he started crying..

someguysaid3 karma

Begging for a date? From someone who physically overpowered you? Yeesh.....

MissBerlin2 karma

All kinds of issues, eh.

French8725 karma

Do you ever need to get back-up? like, if there are dudes that you just cant handle for physical reasons (IE he is ripped and could annihilate you)

Or are you like, super buff for a girl?

MissBerlin54 karma

To be honest, they're usually drunk which means that their co-ordination was off for a start. We also got trained really well, meaning that we know how to avoid conflict, but when it's inevitable we know how to use pressure points, or specific holds that can hurt if the person struggles. These are the tools I choose to use when I have to act alone. As a general rule though, no one, not even our big guys heads into any sort of physical conflict without backup, because this guy might have 10 friends waiting to jump the hell out of you.

CM81633 karma

To be honest, they're usually drunk which means that their co-ordination was off for a start.

In my short & un-illustrious bouncing career, I once had to kick a guy out for slapping women on the ass/grabbing ass. This guy was huge, and not in a fat way. When he stood up from the bar, and cocked his arm back to throw a punch at me, I thought, 'Well this is going to suck.'

Thankfully for me, he was drunk enough that the act of cocking his arm back threw off his balance enough that he fell straight backwards (like a tree getting chopped down). He crashed into a table & chairs, and once he had the wherewithal to get himself back up, he just walked out by himself.

MissBerlin65 karma

That's brilliant! I laughed a lot picturing that. Although if you had enough time to think this was going to suck, you would have had enough time to punch him straight to the gut too :D

Best thing about drunk punches: the prep for their one punch allows me enough time to get under their guard, pop in a punch of my own and have a cup of tea with their mum.

Spugly22 karma

pop in a punch of my own and have a cup of tea with their mum.

You might be my hero.

MissBerlin7 karma

Glad you enjoyed :)

Deagonx12 karma

and have a cup of tea with their mum.

It doesn't get much more British than that.

If you were Canadian, however, it would have gone something like this.

pop in a punch of my own and then apologize sincerely for it while I watch the hockey game.

MissBerlin10 karma

Well I'm not British I'm afraid. But I do like the canadian version you have there. This cracked me up. Fuck Canadians are awesome :D

Polite_Werewolf22 karma

If there was a zombie outbreak, what would be your zombie plan?

MissBerlin197 karma

They wouldn't get in. Strict dress code.

Taatero10 karma

I bet some would.

MissBerlin12 karma

They'd be chaos once they got inside. I know their type.

standup87 karma

The ultimate excuse for every bouncer to deny entrace to someone they don't like the look of.

MissBerlin7 karma

I'm more honest than that. I tell them they look to drunk or ask them what's got the them all worked up. Talking works better than making the problem worse.

Sometimes though, it really is the dress code.

Also: are you telling me you DO like the look of Zombies? I bet they'd start shit the second they got in the door.

phe0nixblade6 karma

Probably the best answer of yours in this entire thread, if I could afford gold, you'd have it.

MissBerlin10 karma

Glad you enjoyed. I don't know what gold is, so I'm not disappointed ;)

gottalovethetail4 karma

After being up for fucking forever, that was fucking hilarious.

Thank you

MissBerlin2 karma

You're welcome x

foshohammer21 karma

Can you describe an example of talking someone down? It's hard to picture a huge 6' drunk guy being talked down from a blind rage, but sounds really great if it's true.
Can you give any advice to those of us who would like to learn how to talk people down like that?

MissBerlin56 karma

Well I suppose I have one big advantage here: I do not look threatening. I am 5 foot 3, small, and a girl. They talk to me easier. I start by asking them if everything is okay, if something is a problem for them. Getting them to talk about what is making them angry is a good start, especially if it brings their attention to me and takes it away from the object of their rage.

I am sure to keep them talking. Not to say anything that makes it seem like I'm blaming them (automatic rage upper), and try and get them to become part of the solution. I ask if there is anything I can do for them that would make them feel better, remind them that I want them to have a good night so I want to know what to do to make that happen. Usually it's a pretty quick progression from ''this c**t said XXX and then did XXX'' to ''I'm sorry Miss, I didn't want to cause any trouble, you're alright, cheers for the help''.

So key points: ask a lot of questions, keep their focus on you, make sure to appear genuinely on their side. Be understanding. Hope this helps!

authentic_apocrypha30 karma

As a femal security guard, I can confrm. Guys are much more willing to talk to me and calm down than they are a big intimidating guy. Usually a comforting smile and/ or a look of concern and the situation diffuses.

I will even flirt to calm a situation down. Bat my eyes, etc. Sometimes I hate myself for it but it works. My male co-workers get a kick out of it.

Once breaking up a fight my 6'1" 210 lb co worker grabbed the short (5'4") older guy (late fifties) and I grabed the 6'2" younger guy (mid thirties) around the arm like we were going for a stroll, batted my eyes and said, "sweetie would you mind taking me for a walk outside for a minute?" He was hapy to oblidge (drunk guys are easily distracted lol), and as we walked he vented about the other guy. I made lots of "oh, really?" and "I see" comments and all was forgotten. He came back and thanked me the next day.

MissBerlin14 karma

Hahahahahahaha brilliant! I love it.

Yes, done that one before with a drunk guy. A flirty look and quietly asking him to come outside with me, with a sly smile. We get outside, I let him know that management asked me to remove him because he's too drunk. You do what works, when it works. Big guys have the ability to fireman's hold some people and carry them out, we have the ability to get them calmly outside. If you can use it, do it! :D

snap_wilson19 karma

I am 5 foot 3, small, and a girl.

This is interesting. Do you have problems with "white knights" stepping in to defend you in situations?

MissBerlin13 karma

Yeah. It's always patrons though, my co-workers know me too well for that.

I really hate it though, because it undermines me, and it puts them into harm's way which is exactly what I'm there to prevent.

Aperfectmoment14 karma

this would have stopped a lot of bouncer fights i've been in.....even a simple..."drink this water and wait out here for 10 minutes(you could keep me out there for 20and just say ten) and we'll let you back in with your mates" would have avoided conflict.

MissBerlin25 karma

Also a tactic we'll employ if they'll agree to it :)

thatguyoverthere20216 karma

If you could provide proof, that would be great!

I've been thinking about bouncing. Would it be a good way to work through college or is it less accommodating that what would be necessary? What are the size requirements if there are any? How many bouncers are at average shows? I know some of the veteran guys get to hang out in the back and only get called up once something big goes down; how long has an average veteran been working for?

MissBerlin26 karma

Talking to the mod about proof now :)

Bouncing is definitely a great job. Sure, it's demanding and you definitely have nights where you want to throw in the towel, but I'm sure that's the case in most jobs.

I chose it because the hours were convenient while I was in University, so yes, definitely a good job for the college man/woman. Size requirements are different for every bar. The only reason I was taken on (at 5 foot 3 inches) was because my reputation and references were excellent. I can talk someone down just as well as I can take someone down - the talking part is still extremely important. Not a job for someone with excess aggression or a short temper.

As a 'veteran' at the bars I've been working, I was a manager, so basically I called the shots as far as everyone else went, but I was still on the front line. I would be asked to make the calls on decisions though (is this guy/girl too drunk to be let in/be in here, is this ID real, he punched a guy who grabbed his girlfriend etc etc)

SLOTH4783 karma

So like, if your rep gets out far enough and you apply to a place that heard about you they will let you be manager and give you like discounts and VIP access? Like are there perks to your job?

MissBerlin4 karma

There are definitely perks.

When you get to know the other security at clubs, you'll often get in for free, because they see you as 'one of them', or when they're not letting anyone in, or if it's after the one-way-door policy has come in.

I also worked at venues and did security for bands, so that was a lot of fun. I did a lot of green room security, so basically made sure everyone coming in had a band pass (or was attached to a band member), and they'd often invite you over for a drink and a chat. Met a lot of really great people.

It takes more than a rep to be a manager though, you need a proven work history and good references from the places you've worked. Of course you could have those, and if your 'rep' is that of a real troublemaker then they probably won't take you on anyway.

I8A4rE13 karma

Make friends with a bouncer and after a few weeks of him getting to know you to the point where he would vouch for you, don't talk to the owner about how many people you have fought b4, and also let him know the comments people will yell at you are not really directed to you personally its directed at tour authority.

MissBerlin30 karma

There's some truth in this. Let the bouncer know that you're interested in this line of work (not just asking sycophantic questions), and DEFINITELY don't talk to the bouncer or owner about how many fights you've been in. They don't want to hear that at all. It's about communication first and foremost. They won't want someone who they think is going to knock out the first guy that cheeks them and then have the police involved.

Also true about the crappy comments people will make/abuse you can get. My personal favourite is ''wannabe cop'', and (most commonly from law students) ''you can't LEGALLY deny me entry!''. (Note: it's private property. Yes you can.)

pezz2916 karma

I might be too late to the party, but what's the most satisfying story you have of challenging an aspiring bar patron's sexist assumptions?

MissBerlin96 karma

Haha this one is a little simpler than you'd think. If I've understood the question correctly.

A guy kept on at me all night with ''what would you do if I...' relating various miscreant behaviour. He said this sort of crap all night. He then asked me: but what if like, I tried to rape you or something''. I grabbed his head, smashed into my knee and gave him a bleeding nose.

Then I said: ''Something worse than that. Talk about rape as a hypothetical or a joke around me again and your balls with look like your nose''

pezz2923 karma

Oh my God. That is exactly what I meant by that question. I love it.

MissBerlin14 karma

Thank you! I aim to please.

shmittymcshmittins9 karma

Okay, I'm fucking scared now.

MissBerlin5 karma

I bet you're not the type of guy who thinks rape is okay, so you're probably fine ;) x

TKAAZ-3 karma

That's pretty uncalled for IMO; seems like the guy was a dick and should be ejected, however a knee to the face is a little over the top. Where I'm from you'd probably go to jail for that...

MissBerlin56 karma

If you say anything that jokes or insinuates an intention to rape, it should always be followed with a knee to the face.

TKAAZ14 karma

Wow, so this raises a lot of questions.

So spontaneously resorting to aggravated battery is somehow okay in such a situation? Downvotes aside, do you, or someone else, care to elaborate?

I'm not saying that what HE said was okay but your handling of the situation I regard very unprofessional and improper; are you not properly trained in self defense? Also:

not even our big guys heads into any sort of physical conflict without backup

If you were not alone at this point, why couldn't you simply have ejected the guy and reprimanded him verbally like any other sane bouncer? Why didn't you eject him before if he was nothing but trouble anyways?

Does. Not. Compute.

MissBerlin15 karma

This isn't regular behaviour from me.

The guy had been harassing me for hours, and I wasn't really able to throw him out (it wasn't a bar I was working, it was a private event) as they didn't really want people turfed, and he had been getting closer and closer, and when he chose to say this particular thing, he was leaning over very threateningly. I took action, and then called for my co-worker on the radio (at this type of event, we usually only have 2 people on) who suggested we took him to the dean of the hall of residents he was with (that's a 'dorm' if you're from the US, although we sleep in separate rooms from other people in our halls) The dean then decided that he'd also have to perform an additional punishment when they returned to the hall, and told me that my reaction was fine by him.

Most men in my country would take the same line when it came to a guy talking about rape like that.

Onlysilverworks14 karma

When my aunt worked bar security she had to tackle the lead singer of snow patrol, then punch him in the balls to keep him down. This was when they were at university together. Have you had to deal with anyone with which you had to use unorthodox methods of incapitation?

MissBerlin14 karma

Yes. I sure have. Choked out a rugby player (as in: out) after he initiated this brawl involving an innocent bystander and 4 other security members. Also dragged a girl out by her hair. That's happened more than once. It stops them gouging your shin with their high heels.

Onlysilverworks4 karma

Wow, the girl one is mad, definitely better than getting attacked by heels!

MissBerlin6 karma

Yeah, I've seen it happen to male co-workers who can't do anything except touch their forearms. They're not allowed the same freedoms with removing females. I do though, and I don't tolerate that violent shit.

MissBerlin6 karma

Also, your Aunt sounds awesome.

Ksight313 karma

Any interesting stories about kicking someone out of the bar / event?

MissBerlin43 karma

Once saw two girls on the ground with a bunch of guys standing around them. Wasn't sure if they were fighting or making out (at this bar, it could have been either), went to check and one chick was trying to strangle the other with her handbag strap. I dragged her out by her hair so she couldn't slam her high heel down my shin the way she had with the girl she'd been fighting with. (that left a nasty gash).

TheDudeaBides9612 karma

Wow, reddit. Sometimes you're really full of assholes. "Ideal community" my ass.

Just take a look at all the bottom comments.

MissBerlin8 karma

I'd never been on reddit before. I was a bit disappointed, but just like on the door, an asshole who is insecure and wants to take it out on you is never too far away. ;)

TheDudeaBides962 karma

Yeah. Sorry about this, I feel bad for all the wimpy dudes who now feel insecure by your very presence and feel the need to insult you.

Most of the time it really ins't like this in this subreddit. I have no idea why they're acting up.

MissBerlin2 karma

I guess we're just not used to seeing strong women in any kind of media without them being/looking like the butch, steroid taking, lesbian, body builder type.

It doesn't bother me too much. Thanks for the kind words though :)

TheAngryMongoose11 karma

Do you ever see girls looking disappointed when they realise they can't flirt their way in? (Then try anyway?)

MissBerlin13 karma

Haha, this one is great. Yes. Yes yes yes. Drunk girls that shouldn't be let in often flirt their way in. Sometimes they try the girl flirt (''omg you are soooooooo pretty! Isn't she just gorgeous! Omg I have like, soo much respect for youuuu!'')



MissBerlin31 karma

By showing respect. The big thing is that I don't come across as obviously intimidating (I'm 5''3) the way a 6''5 samoan guy would. I use communication (along with a no-nonsense tone) to command respect.

I8A4rE16 karma

Thanks for doing this AMA. Im also a bouncer/doorman at a medium size bar in a college town in Tennessee. Im not huge 5'11" 185lbs and I agree 100% about showing respect, just don't let them confuse respect for weakness.

MissBerlin15 karma

Spot on :) glad you liked it!

Tokyocheesesteak2 karma

I'm a small guy but now I know that there's a bouncer out there smaller than me. Rather comforting.

MissBerlin2 karma

haha well good then.

Tokyocheesesteak2 karma

I've read through the thread. You are not smaller than me by much yet you have a much longer record of ass-kicking than I do. Keep up the good work, and good luck with those language studies. Would I be wrong to assume that German is coming along smoother than Japanese?

MissBerlin2 karma

Never too late to start!

Thanks for the luck. I need it. Japanese is a tonne easier, once you learn how to write it, the grammar is pretty straight up...which is the complete opposite to German. You can write it easily. Then they'll say ''oh yeah, you can swap the words around in a sentence pretty much endlessly, but you'll have to use a case every time, and you'll never be quite sure which one, because even Germans often aren't. Oh did I mention that every noun has a gender, which tells you which form of ''the'' you may use in front of it? (that'll change when the case changes too, btw).''

German is one big asshole.

Grim22610 karma

im ex military, a few times my buddies and i had to jump in during bar fights to back up the bouncer/s ( two bouncers who were pretty big,about 6 feet+ upwards of 180 pounds were getting mobbed by six or so guys ) how do you feel about that? has this ever happened to you ?

MissBerlin18 karma

First off: Good on you for willing to put yourself in that position. I think that when you really need backup and your team aren't there, or there aren't enough of you, it's always nice to get help from other people. After all, it's for their wellbeing and safety that you're doing the job in the first place.

It happened to me once, I was in the middle of a crowd at a concert, dragging out a guy who had started a fight with a girl. I needed help getting him over the barrier as he was dead weighting. I was definitely grateful.

Grim22612 karma

have you ever had a situation where you got a weapon(gun/knife/baton) pulled on you? if so, how did you respond? does your bar allow CCW?

i ask because when my friends and i were at the same bar about two weeks later three asshats decided to try and knife a bouncer( new guy, looked young and inexperienced) by the door and we were in line behind them...funny thing was we all pulled out batons....(i guess friends think alike) got free drinks all week.

MissBerlin17 karma

I've had a knife pulled on me a few times. Almost every single one was where they'd been denied entry, and they came back angry. I talked 2 down, got the knife off of 3 and my co-worker dealt with the 4th.

We've never been allowed CCW, instead we're just taught how to deal with the situation when it comes up. I suppose we could have used a broken bottle or something if it had come to that, but luckily so far it hasn't.

Grim2263 karma

im glad no one was hurt. so would you say bouncing is a career or do you do alot of other private events? i currently work private security in asia,but im looking for something less structured.

MissBerlin10 karma

It was supposed to just be a job on the side really, although it has turned into a little more. It turned into a mini-career I guess.

Grim2265 karma

what do you plan on doing in the future?

MissBerlin12 karma

I'm studying international law alongside 2 languages. I think I'll find it hard to give up bouncer work though.

irishmrmagpie6 karma

You said you've worked in Germany and based on your username, is it safe to assume in Berlin?

What is it like working in clubs there because as is well known, they stay open for an awful long time? I was in Berghain for New Years 2011 and I do remember being amazed that when we were coming and going to take breaks, it lasted for nearly 3days, I was amazed that the bouncers were still there without a bother on them!

MissBerlin10 karma

Both Stuttgart and Berlin :)

I find the people here are a lot more rude than they were in Aus/NZ, but at the same time, I also have less shit to deal with. Definitely fewer fights. Longer hours are easier to pull off (in my opinion at least) because the physical exhaustion that comes from numerous fights/having to get the door of the stall open to remove the chick with alcohol poisoning/fighting your way through a crowd, is just not as bad.

A lot of the clubs do stay open a very long time, but they try and give you the same shift over the course of the 2-3 days so that you at least have some routine and can sleep better.

Razhel3 karma

Which languages?

MissBerlin2 karma

German and Japanese

swiftkilla779 karma

Which country do you work in?

MissBerlin15 karma

I've worked in New Zealand, Australia and Germany

swiftkilla777 karma

At the moment I have passed all my courses (door supervisor, first aid, advanced physical intervention, advanced handcuffing and a couple more (I'm in the UK)) but now I have to also apply for a government license. In the places that you've worked have you required such training and then a government license?

Thanks for the AMA.

MissBerlin10 karma

We did our own training, and yes we needed a security license. One for each country I've worked in.

swiftkilla777 karma

You did your own training? Can you elaborate?

MissBerlin13 karma

Defence training was performed in house. They contracted an expert to come and get us all on the same level re: defending oneself, holds, pressure points and tactics against knives/guns/misc. weapons

swiftkilla777 karma

How to you get your work/contracts? And are you a team that move around? Thanks again.

MissBerlin10 karma

I'm part of two companies that contract us out, as well as being a team manager for one bar, one events venue and senior staff at a night club

PokemonChampion6 karma

How do you defend yourself from a gun?

MissBerlin12 karma

Tactic we were taught about against guns: Get everyone out of the way, you being the last person.

Thankfully though, I've never had to deal with that situation as the countries I've worked in have strict gun laws, and aren't full of gun toting maniacs.

pizzawithextragrapes9 karma

Do you have any cool stories about kicking some douchebags ass?

MissBerlin26 karma

There was a huge concert at a venue I was managing security for. The afterparty was held, and the band that had been playing were there. The brother of the lead singer was a reasonably famous rugby player. Being 'with the band' he was getting his beer for next to nothing. He put his beer down on the pool table (he wasn't playing) and naturally, it got knocked over. The guy who knocked it over was really apologetic and offered to buy him a new one. The rugby player responded by punching him in the face.

4 of our guys were immediately on it, but they were struggling to hold him back (in the chaos, no one had thought to use any pressure points). I ran over and used a wrist point that I knew would hurt to get him to stop struggling to hit the guys. He stopped a bit, so the guys immediately loosened their grip. He broke loose, shoved me over, climbed on top of me (he knew I'd used the point) and punched me directly in the jaw.

My co-workers pulled him off me. I took him back, kicked him in the back of the knees (so that he dropped down to a height I could work with) and choked him out. I laughed when I saw the policeman's surprise when he found out who'd done it.

anonymous_doner13 karma

I have worked in bars for many, many year. To this day, it still pisses me off when anyone rests their beer on the pool table. I love when you ask that they remove the beer from the pool table, 99% will respond with "I'm not gonna spill it." Just fucking do what you are asked. Thanks.

MissBerlin11 karma

Too true! Ahh couldn't have said it better myself.

anonymous_doner8 karma

I know it seems bouncer-ish and douchey to say, but after about a month of working at a bar, you have pretty much heard every excuse in the book surrounding people's ID, money, and interpersonal situations. It's a short book, apparently. People just have no creativity anymore.

MissBerlin9 karma

It doesn't seem douchey to say, it's just true. Also about how they're not as drunk as you think they are.

emerin7 karma

Have guys ever tried to flirt with you in order to get into the club? What did you do?

MissBerlin12 karma

Yeah, all the time. I continue with my job as usual, ask for ID, ask for covercharge, and if they're too drunk they're not getting in, and they're made to move along. You hear the same lines a lot...it's always funny wondering how they thought they were going to 'flirt their way' into anything when they start by casting aspersions over whether I'm able to do my job..

Chinesewarpanda3 karma

Whats some on the most common lame pickup lines you hear:? Is there one particular that you always seem to hear?

MissBerlin4 karma

''oh so you're a bouncer. Do you have handcuffs?'' ''No. I'm not a cop'' ''oh I was hoping you'd cuff me later'' -- what?? where did he get the idea that as a bouncer I'd have cuffs. Is that a thing somewhere?

Otherwise it's more or less something patronising along the lines of: you're so pretty, what are you doing in this line of work? Want to go out later? Put that into as many forms as you can think of and I get that 50 times a night. I've even had a guy talk to me like I was a prostitute: ''I can take you away from all this''.

unlampi2 karma

I know it wouldn't be nice to do, but have you ever wanted to reply to the ''I can take you away from all this'' with something along the lines of "Nah, man, if I go with you, I'll always have an annoying customer"?

MissBerlin3 karma

Haha, good line! Tempted.

ryanvnguyen617 karma

Any tips on how to start being a bouncer ? Size reqs , training course , ethics etc ? Any thing would be appreciated , thank you

MissBerlin15 karma

It's a good job! I think when you go into it with the right mentality you learn a lot. Size requirements are different from bar to bar. It's easier to start somewhere smaller, because they usually don't require a lot of experience. That way you can build up your reputation, learn a lot of valuable things and get good references meaning that people are more likely to trust you.

As for a training course, I couldn't really tell you. I took boxing just for fun before I was a bouncer, but it really did not help. When people fight, 99.9% of the time they do not fight clean. I was trained in defence and holds etc by my work, as we were responsible for large events like concerts with 2000+ people attending. Ethics differ, but they shouldn't. If you show people respect (without letting your guard down) and acting first with words rather than physical confrontation, it can make your job a lot easier. Calming down a potential fight is a hell of a lot easier (and better for the bar's vibe) than breaking it up. Good luck!

pkon7 karma

I've gone to a few bars/clubs where they have female security at the front door. I always have respect for them since I know if shit is about to go down, they really gotta stand up and make sure some dude just doesn't try to beat them up.

Were you ever required to search the patrons that were entering into the bar? That must get pretty awkward with the comments some guys can make. Anytime a female bouncer was required to search me before I entered they always manage to take extra long and cop a feel when floating around my pants. Are all searches that...thorough?

MissBerlin18 karma

Hey! Good on you for having such respect. You're already making our jobs easier.

I was required to search patrons, but all the places I've worked have had a strict no-opposite-sex-searches policy. Wait, not true. I had to do pat downs when I was contracted out for a high school ball. That was a bit awkward (horny 17/18 year old guys getting patted down by a young woman..who's stupid idea was that). I only patted them down the sides/pockets. I've never heard of female security searching the way you described. It kind of pisses me off to hear that, it's just sexism. If we had guys doing that to females, it'd be lawsuits out the ass. Sorry on behalf of decent female security for the disrespect, dude.

pkon4 karma

Haha that's pretty funny on the high school side, that would have been a pretty awkward experience.

It didn't really bother me, since not every single female bouncer does that, most of them are pretty professional about it. I guess on top of that I just don't get offended/disrespected by that stuff, but I can still see how it can effect different people. I'm glad that you're actually serious about the job and look after people's safety. Even more respect considering how many drunken baboons you must put up with.

MissBerlin11 karma

The job taught me patience, I will say that for sure, haha.

I think that men need to be shown the same respect women do, I guess that's why I was so appalled by your experience. But so long as you don't mind!

Knoxie_896 karma


MissBerlin12 karma

Sending it to the moderator now :)

serpicowasright6 karma

Not a bouncer but I've watched roadhouse a lot, and this always made sense to me.

"3 simple rules: One, never underestimate your opponent..expect the unexpected; Two, take it outside, never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary; and Three...be nice."

MissBerlin3 karma

You're on to it. I pretty much can't tell you anything else that is more important than those three things. Encompassed in 'nice' is of course politeness and respect (to a point).

The_Last_Blah6 karma

What was the strangest situation for you?

MissBerlin10 karma

A lot of people get weird when they're drunk. One guy I dragged out after he grabbed a girl's ass and then got into a fight with her boyfriend stuck around for hours. First just verbally abusing me, then leaving, coming back, doing it some more, and then begging me for a date. Continuously until we closed. I was a bit creeped out when he started crying..

roastedbagel6 karma

This just had me cracking up. Talk about a roller coaster of emotions for that guy. Goes from belligerent > horny > crying. Sounds like he was pregnant.

MissBerlin9 karma

I laugh about it now too. I never heard from him again, luckily it was a one time creepy stalker type situation

daydreamingderpina6 karma

Have you ever let a chic in because she flashed?

MissBerlin17 karma

I'd probably be more likely not to if she did that. I like hot girls just as much as the next person, but class is important.

iamaredditer6 karma

How much do you lift?

MissBerlin16 karma

This is a pretty meat headed question, as there's usually no lifting in this job ;)

But just because you asked. 80kgs. I don't need to lift them when I can make them walk out of their own accord/put them in a hold which means they HAVE to walk with me or their arm will break.

phpwhyyouno6 karma

80 Kambius Goggle Snogs? That is a lot.

MissBerlin10 karma

Decent amount more than my own body weight, so I'm pretty happy.

CuzinVinny-20 karma

You can bench 176 pounds?

yeahhhh not buyin, sorry

MissBerlin23 karma

Yeahhh not caring, sorry.

Shrekkoh6 karma

Your reply made me giggle.

MissBerlin7 karma

I'm glad. I'm all about the giggles.

I had a giggle when I realised that guy actually thought I would give a shit about whether he believed facts about myself. Ha! Off I go a again...

SupernovaXII6 karma

I don't have a question, but I just wanted to tell you you're awesome.

MissBerlin6 karma

Well thanks! And thanks for stopping by

aManHasSaid6 karma

Ever bounce for an "all age" event? (Around here, that's usually 16-21 age group, no alcohol, at 10 PM they kick the younger kids out and it becomes either 18+ or 21+ until 3 AM.)

What is that crowd like?

MissBerlin7 karma

Done one of them over here in Germany (where the age for beer/wine is 16, and 18 for the rest) so we had to clean the bar out of spirits before the littlies arrived. The whole crowd was fine, polite, fun, definitely energetic! It was a cute event, had no problems.

m1xr3 karma

wow, in Ireland "underage" discos usually entail brawls between hoards of teenagers who just got their first sniff of vodka. Teenage discos are much more dangerous than full age discos

MissBerlin3 karma

Wow, that sounds like some crazy shit.

The teen discos here are easy as, and few and far between as well.

katrionatronica5 karma

I once saw a big guy getting chucked out by a female bouncer just pick her up bodily and run off down the street with her. He wasn't being at all threatening so she was taken unawares.

Has anything like that ever happened to you? How would you have dealt with it if it had happened to you?

MissBerlin13 karma

Jesus that sounds both intense and a little hilarious.

Never happened to me. I don't usually make people leave that aren't behaving threateningly, so I've always been on my guard during removal. Good question though, made me think :)

katrionatronica2 karma

It was very funny from an observers perspective but maybe not from the bouncers!

MissBerlin2 karma

No, I think I was just picturing it in a comedic matter. Sorry for that, I agree it would have been fucking annoying/embarrassing etc for her. I assume he put her down at some point?

MissBerlin12 karma

Also, had it happened to me, I would have punched/kicked him in the kidney/stomach etc

mrspoon345 karma

Do the drunk guys ever hit on you? not gonna lie i probably would...

MissBerlin8 karma

Plenty. I just assume beer goggles

mrspoon344 karma

I'd just rough em up if i were you

MissBerlin11 karma

Nah, the last thing a girl bouncer needs is a rep for being short tempered/getting phsyical for no reason. It'll ruin your credibility, and that's important.

CmdDomino5 karma

Hello! I just finshed reading this whole thread and i must say, respect on answering pretty much every single question anyone has asked. Even with a full responce! Now my question if it wasnt asked yet... 1 horse sized duck? Or 100 duck sized horse's !

MissBerlin7 karma


Wow, yours may be the toughest yet. I am torn between having tiny horse minions or a massive sidekick duck the size of a horse...but being the business minded girl I am, I would go with the 100 duck sized horses. Sell that shit to an internet who loves adorable tiny creatures. Profit profit profit.

CmdDomino3 karma

My mistake i forgot to type in whick would you rather fight? :)

MissBerlin5 karma

Aw how could I fight tiny horses? I'd have to go with the duck.

spacetug3 karma

Perhaps more relevant, would you rather fight 1 sober man, or 4 drunk men?

MissBerlin5 karma

Either would be fine. 1 sober man would be the challenge.

the_acmo5 karma

Do you train any martial art?

MissBerlin10 karma

I did a Tae Kwon Do for a few years, and did boxing training for the fitness side, but neither have been of use during my career. Drunk and stupid people don't fight straight or fair.

razzmataz5 karma

What is your prefered martial art or hand to hand combatives style?

MissBerlin4 karma

I'm not really into a lot of that. I did some Tae Kwon Do which I liked, boxing was fun for fitness, but none of them really helped me on the job.

cristinaSHO5 karma

Have you ever kicked an douchebag's ass because he underestimated you for being a woman?

MissBerlin5 karma

Not because of that directly

I've had shit from douchebags coming in about me being useles/decoration/cheap etc, who have subsequently been dragged out by various body parts later after caushing shit :D

Chabocho4 karma

Not that I want to confirm any stereotype, but the opposite. ┬┐Are you into boys or girls?

MissBerlin2 karma

As we've already discussed, I'm happily married to my husband :) You've definitely had the politest way of asking though, and I thank you for that

limitedimagination4 karma

No question, just wanted to say you seem awesome. Wish I were more like you!

MissBerlin5 karma

Thanks! You can be, all it takes is patience, confidence, and good training

[deleted]4 karma

What's the pay like? Does it usually correlate with how big the bar is; or would they just hire MORE bouncers?

MissBerlin2 karma

In my experience, it definitely differs from bar to bar regarding size, but also seniority. The very first place I worked in, I was on the minimum they offered, but after a year and a half, I was on quite a bit more, having been promoted to a team manager.

I've not heard of a bar just hiring more bouncers if it wasn't necessary, It's cheaper to raise the wage of the existing guys than it would be to hire a bunch of new ones too.

It also differs by country. In NZ, the pay was pretty average. In Australia it was brilliant, and in Germany it was also great.

jimmycarr13 karma

Judging by the name I'm going to guess you're from Berlin. Where are the best places to go in Berlin, considering I'm going to be travelling there in Summer for a holiday, and I can only speak English (please give a fair opinion not just your current place of work)

MissBerlin8 karma

I'm not from Berlin, I just live here. Speaking English in Berlin isn't a problem, pretty much everyone does (just a lot of people don't like to. Blame the arrogant Americans that come here getting pissed when people don't speak English)

Berlin is massive and has something for everyone. I mean everyone. Just google great things to do in Berlin and you'll get about a thousand things that you'll be sure to enjoy.

i-n-joyfilm3 karma

Has a situation ever occurred where you had to immediately throw someone out, but then you came to the realization that the patron did not warrant being thrown out? Like you went to brake up a fight, and you pulled one guy out of the middle and pushed him out, only to realize that he was only trying to break up the fight? Or someone tells you they were harassed, and you go to try to kick the person out, only to have them tell you they weren't being harassing, with multiple people backing them up? If you have ever done it, how did you respond? Did you let the person back in? And if it has never happened, how would you respond?

Also, as a bouncer, do you ever pick up on certain characteristics or traits that make you think a person is more likely to cause a scene? I've worked in this before, and I've noticed that sometimes (obviously not all the time), the people that just walk in, thinking they don't have to show ID or pay cover or whatever (and have no stamp proving they already paid), and then get all upset when I block their path and ask them for ID or cover, that when they get all upset about it, that these are the kind of people that are most likely to cause shit. Some apologize, as it was just a misunderstanding, and I see that, but others think they own the place. Sometimes they even try to pull the whole "cmon man, I see you all the time here!" First of all, you don't, as I don't work that frequently, and second of all, I do recognize you. You're the person that's always an asshole. When I enter bars and concerts, I always try to be as warm as possible, smiling frequently and the such. Also a little of the small talk, too, if they are receptive, as I enjoyed it between the constant monotony.

MissBerlin10 karma

Wow. Lots of questions. I'll try and do it in order.

Yes, I've had a few of those situations. Our policy is that if you were involved in a fight, whether the fighter or the breaker-upper, unfortunately you have to leave. As far as harassment goes, I've only ever had cases where the claim was backed up by one of us also having had noticed it too. Whenever there is a doubt about whether someone should be removed, we have a conversation with whoever made the claim, and the person accused of whatever behaviour. Often it's able to be worked out between those two.

As for the characteristics and traits question, yes. It's just something of an air or a mood that you pick up from them. They're often disrespectful and you're spot on with that 'owning the place' vibe. I used to get people who claimed they knew the owners' son (and by proxy the owners) and therefore did not need ID. Of course they obviously did because you cannot be on a licensed premises without ID. We'd get fined and so would they. You really do get to know the troublemakers, don't you ;) they are some of the most recognisable faces I end up knowing. Although after one run in with me, a lot of them shape up and stop being an asshole once they realise I won't tolerate their shit.

Keep on with your awesome demeanour with bouncers - I promise that they appreciate it and wish more patrons were as fuckin' class as you! Huge respect

i-n-joyfilm5 karma

Thanks! And thanks for responding!

MissBerlin6 karma

Not a problem :)

avdude133 karma

What's your funniest story of someone being rejected entrance to a place you were working at?

MissBerlin9 karma

It was this drag night at a club I was working at. The rules for the event (because the event itself was run by an organisation, so we had their rules on the door) was that no man wearing pants was allowed to come in.

A (kind of drunk) guy turns up, and I stop him and point to the rules. He then begs me to let him in ''because he saw a whole bunch of really hot chicks go in in front of him'' (all men). I told him rules are rules and he can't come in without a skirt. He tells me that's a bullshit rule and runs away.

He comes back in a hospital gown and nothing under it. He'd actually run 3 blocks to the hospital emergency room and begged them for a gown. I let him in. He came back out 5 minutes later absolutely livid ''IT WASN'T CHICKS!! IT WAS ALL DUDES!!'' I pointed to the rules again, at the top it stated that it was the drag queen event of the year.

I practically wet myself laughing watching him walk away forlornly, the back of his newly acquired hospital robe flapping, exposing his poor wee butt to the breeze.

[deleted]2 karma

"IT WAS ALL DUDES!!" That is priceless. Thank you for answering!

MissBerlin3 karma

Glad you enjoyed. I had a big grin just reliving it. Man...he was so gutted, I almost felt sorry for him!

this-again2 karma

Are you huge? How do you handle very large men?

MissBerlin2 karma

Both of those questions have already been answered :)

I'm 160cm

redtracer2 karma

Have you had any formal martial arts training?

If not, have you picked up moves from co-workers or friends to help deal with larger people?

MissBerlin2 karma

Not any training I would say really helped. Tae Kwon do helped me with being aware of my body and co-ordination.

The training we got through our company and just general know-how of the more senior staff definitely helped me learn a lot about dealing with larger people. They helped me learn how to use their weight against them or how to just make them move where I need them to go.

redtracer2 karma

Thanks for answering! :)

MissBerlin2 karma

More than welcome :)

chipmunksocute2 karma

You've already kind of touched on the issue of size a bit, but being a small 5 3' girl, I wonder how can you physically compete with big dudes when trying to throw them out and have like 80+ pounds on you? You mentioned you talk people down as much as you can, cool, but what about those times when you've got a belligerent 6 '5 bro who has 120 pounds on you and is getting violent? Leverage, backup, pressure points (what are these by the way? Are they real?), or do drunk people just suck at fighting?

MissBerlin3 karma

Everyone has backup in all physical conflict (in our company at least) because it can start as just one guy...but by the end of it he also might have 4 friends who decide to join in. Leverage is very important, and pressure points are real, they are places where it really fucking hurts to have pressure put on them.

Also, I wouldn't be doing this job if I didn't know how to fight just as well. I can get out of the way of most punches and certainly throw my own that will have an effect. I also use the weak points like the back of the knees. I'll kick those to drop them to their knees so that they're at a height I can work with.

Also yes, often drunk people suck at fighting. The big guys with weight behind them take an age to throw a punch, so you can see where it's gonna come from a lot of the time.

Also another point, I find that they hesitate before hitting me more than they would a male bouncer.

darps2 karma


Great to see that you're happy with your business. I'd imagine women have often a better approach on certain situations since men might try to resolve these with physical intervention while there might be a "peaceful" solution.

Please don't be daunted by these "funny" (=sexist) asshats at the bottom, it's not like your gender doesn't make a significant difference in your field of expertise.

One question though: Have you ever had problems with club/bar owners because of your gender? I could imagine there are some with an outdated gender role image as well.

Greetings from the other end of Beer Country :)

MissBerlin2 karma


I won't lie, they are somewhat frustrating, but I've song since learned that sexism in keyboard warriors is rampant.

Sometimes it's not even just a case of men automatically go for the physical solution, it's that their sheer size, or the way they look means that the patron assumes he will be going for a physical thing, and tries to jump the gun.

As for your question, yes. There has been one bar owner who refused to hire me because ''women should not be put in any situation that is dangerous''. It was very chivalrous of him, but was a bit outdated. I know the guy well now, and he is a good guy, he is just a bit old fashioned in his thinking.

Huzzah for beer country!

[deleted]1 karma


MissBerlin0 karma

I'm not sure I understand the question, sorry.

[deleted]1 karma


MissBerlin2 karma

Please read the other threads before submitting new ones. Your question has already been answered.

No idea who Ronda Rousey is or why she's relevant to this conversation.

I_Dont_Always-1 karma


MissBerlin4 karma

Please check the other threads to make sure your question wasn't already answered (it was ;) )

I'm 160cm and 68kgs. Usually sit around 70-72kgs. Lost a bit of weight while I was out of the gym with a leg injury.

peppashake-6 karma


MissBerlin1 karma

Sorry, no?

peppashake-7 karma

I am picturing a really big, possibly irish woman with huge eye brows, and a massive forhead , called helga.

MissBerlin4 karma

If you'd read the rest of the posts, you'd know I'm 5''3/160cm, pretty small and I assure you that I take the neatness of my eyebrows very seriously.

Also a normal forehead. Had never really thought about it before, I just checked. Also not called Helga.

agitated_primate-7 karma

are you a lesbian?

MissBerlin5 karma

As has already been mentioned: No. I'm not. I'm married. To a man, even.

BSscience-8 karma


MissBerlin5 karma


[deleted]-8 karma


MissBerlin9 karma

Actually married (to a man) and I'm a 5''3 normal sized girl.

russiangn-11 karma

Not to be a dick but why are you a bouncer if you're 5'3" and normal sized?

MissBerlin11 karma

Because I proved myself to be capable. I enjoy the job and I'm good at it. So why not?

[deleted]-12 karma


MissBerlin6 karma

I love how that comment was made not knowing what I look like. Mighty fine brainwork going on there.

MissBerlin5 karma

You assume wrong, my friend. She looks much too tall and is presumably German.

tenoranges-14 karma

When did you first realize you were a lesbian?

MissBerlin5 karma

As we've already discussed. I'm not.