15 years ago we adopted 2 girls from Eastern Europe. If I had known then what I know now....AMAA.

adopted

Jeez...this turned out to be epic (and not in the good way). so unless you have a vested interest in this subject, just move on to the next topic.

First of all, EVERY story and situation is completely unique, so this is just our story. I can't speak on the adoption process itself because it changes so frequently, and it's already been 15 years for us. What I can speak of is our experience in raising 2 girls who were already almost 5 and 6 when we adopted them (they are biological siblings).

The experience people have actually raising these children doesn't seem to be addressed anywhere, so that's why I decided to make myself available for people who want some frame of reference. You reach such a point of desperation during the infertility and adoption process that you truly believe that love can fix everything, and what I learned was how naive a notion that is. But there's a sense of ungratefulness you feel when you've finally realized your dream of becoming a parent, and then things don't work out happily ever. It's my belief that that's why this issue seems to be rarely discussed.

We have dealt with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Fetal Alcohol Effects, Reactive Attachment Disorder, arrests, drugs, failing out of school, lying, sneaking around, destruction of property -- go ahead and name it....we've been there. We're both college educated, own a business and although we're far from rich, we have both the resources and support of our families to have provided these girls with every opportunity, but instead most of it was spent on counseling, all sorts of programs, specialists, and a whole shopping list of other things, none of which ultimately made much of a dent. I look at two things very differently now: 1) nature versus nurture and 2) Freud's assertion that personality is fully developed by age 5.

My intention isn't to discourage anyone from adopting -- it's to provide maybe some perspective and resources that I wish there had been more of when I first set out so maybe I could have been more proactive than reactive. The question with ALL kids always is "if you had it to do over, would you?" And my answer after 15 years is a very weak and weary "I just don't know."

EDIT: Wow. Wasn't expecting so many responses so quickly. I'll try to elaborate on the most salient points (which, as it turns out, weren't the MOST salient so now they're way down at the bottom):

SECOND EDIT: Double wow. I've been at this for hours now. I really wasn't expecting this kind of reaction. But clearly there are lots of misconceptions so let me be more clear:

  1. I'm a woman (why do so many assume I'm the father?). My relationship with my husband was very strong before we decided on adoption, and although there have been some very bumpy roads, we've stuck it out mostly because we shared all the same core beliefs and values to start with, not just as relates to parenting.

  2. I'm NOT bashing Russia. I only mentioned Russia because so many asked, and Russian people happen to be wonderfully warm and hospitable so I'm not Russia-bashing. But Eastern Europe had opened for adoption, I was already close to 40 years old, I TRULY didn't think adopting older kids or two kids at a time would be an issue (I mean, you're parents...they're kids...all you have to do is love them, right? tell me you ALL didn't believe that before you became parents).

  3. Do I love them. Of course I do! I see all their good too, you know. But the bad was SO persistent and unrelenting and soul sucking and eventually the bad just overtook ALL the good to the point where I had nothing left to give that I hadn't already tried, and wasn't going to make any difference anyway. My door is still open to them every time they call or text me (and for my older one, that's few and far between but it happens) and yes, I support them emotionally but I no longer support them financially. I love them, I even mostly like them (or a lot about them) but I just don't have any respect for either of them, and that's what I wish I had.

  4. I never expected or even wanted my kids to be perfect (whatever that might mean). But I did expect for them to have at least a minimal amount of respect for our home, our values, US.... Instead, from Day One, all we ever got was lying, sneaking around, broken promises (truth be told, they never once actually kept a single promise they made), they literally never followed one single rule, they compromised our safety and were physically abusive of us and destructive of our home, which we have busted our asses to provide for them. I didn't just throw them out -- I gave them years and years of second chances, professional help (you HAVE to know when it's time to admit you can't do it yourself) and ALWAYS did what I said I was going to do, so it's not like I "threatened" (which is merely hot air if you don't actually back it up). Had they been "normal" kids and just a pain in the ass but at least somewhat respectful and making decent grades in school and doing at least what is expected of a teenager, it would have been a completely different scenario at age 18, and now as well.

  5. I believe we achieved some "success" as parents simply because my girls -- while definitely having been involved in drugs, shoplifting, stealing cars, etc. -- never went so far as to make it a way of life at least. Although they tend to up and quit as soon as jobs get to be too boring or too stressful or whatever (both have only worked in foodservice), both have at least held jobs since they were old enough to do so, so to my knowledge and last I heard from her (3 months ago) my older daughter was gainfully employed.

  1. Why Eastern Europe (in our case, Russia)? Because 15 years ago international adoption was still in its infancy and the rules there made it far less traumatic than it was in the US (there were far too many states that allowed the birthmother to change her mind within 1-6 months), and you could complete an adoption within a year (which ours took, almost to the day). We felt that we had all the resources available to us to help most children, but we knew our limitations if the child needed more than we could provide. Once our girls became available, we even visited them beforehand to make sure we could provide for their particular needs. Looking back, there were some issues (highly manic behavior in our younger daughter, and extremely narcissistic behavior in our older one) but we felt that love could fix everything. As I said -- very naive of us.

  2. Do they consider us their parents? Well, this goes back and forth a lot. I think that on an intellectual level they know that we took them out of a bad situation (both parents were alcoholics -- but only the mother's alcoholism plays a factor in Fetal Alcohol issues -- and the father was a violent drunk who used to beat both his wife and the children. My girls are the youngest of 6 -- their 2 older ones were already being raised by the maternal grandmother, and the ones above them I don't know about, so presumably they were no longer minors. My girls were removed by the police when they were 3 and 4 and sent to an orphanage). Needless to say, however, when it suits them they bring out the "you're not really our parents" card, but I'd say for the most part they consider us their parents.

  3. Do we love them? Yes, of course we do, but I am the first to admit that it took me A LONG TIME to bond with the two of them because they weren't cuddly, adorable helpless little infants but rather loud, destructive and disrespectful youngsters. But over time I could see their good points -- of which there are many -- but the biggest problem with both of them has basically been their Attachment Disorder. This is something I read about before we adopted but too little was written about it. It stems from children not being able to trust (or attach to) their primary caregivers, who have repeatedly let them down (this happens a lot in the foster system and with divorce as well) and instead they attach to transient relationships -- practically to strangers. Later it tends to manifest itself by the child having seeming NO conscience in his/her actions (ie, not thinking for even one second how it might affect others).

  4. Where are they now? When my younger daughter turned 17 we sent her to a one year program at a tiny private boarding school (read: behavioral facility) that provided the 24 hour a day supervision she needed. Because of the structure and constant supervision she was able to get there (something that our local public schools COMPLETELY failed at) she was able to finally accomplish things she never had before (like passing her classes) because there were none of the distractions of drugs, juvenile delinquent friends, etc. that she had here. It was the right thing at the right time and changed SOME things, but not all of them. The one thing it did change -- eventually -- was her attitude toward us. Although we can't live with her (she completely lacks Executive functioning, which means she can't foresee what the consequences of her actions will be despite repeating them over and over and won't listen to any advice we give her to help her in that area), but we still keep in touch daily by phone or text. From Day One, my older daughter flat out refused to follow any of our rules and by middle school had so frequently snuck out in the middle of the night, or snuck boys into her room when I'd be out walking the dog or whatever, that we finally had to install a security system in our house. Nothing ever fazed her, and she couldn't have cared less how her behaviors affected the family. when she turned 18 and continued to refuse to follow any rules, we told her she had to leave. A year later she begged to come back, we told her once again that if she didn't follow our rules she'd have to leave and within 2 months, we had to again tell her to go. She blames all this on me so no, we don't speak. I'd love to have a relationship with her, but in her mind it's everyone else's fault which isn't entirely true in this case, so that makes it difficult.

  5. What would I have done differently? Unfortunately, the resources just weren't there back then. None of the Eastern European adopted kids had really become of age, so you didn't have anyone to ask about all the issues with teenagers and young adults. What I would definitely tell a newly adoptive parent though, is BE PROACTIVE. Find a QUALIFIED therapist now who can deal with the most serious of the issues -- PTSD and RAD. Don't wait until they become teenagers to see if they "grow out of it." Chances are very good that they won't, and yet something will be haunting them that they can neither express, describe or overcome on their own. Unfortunately, the wonderful therapist I found came maybe 2 or 3 years too late when my girls were already well into their teens.

Comments: 3460 • Responses: 12  • Date: 

kittentakara416 karma

As someone who was Adopted from eastern Europe and taken at age 4 to another country, well this kind hit home pretty hard. So where to start with this. well by the age of 13 I was smoking pot, drinking, even went into school drunk. I had stolen cars, hammer nails into school water pipes to the school had close down for the day due lack of water. I had stolen my dad’s credit card and burned about £3000 on it before I got caught. I used sneak boys home while my parents were at work and sneak out at night coming home very drunk or out my face on E or weed or both. I once punched a police officer in the face at the age of 15 to get ride home because under UK law he had to take me home to my parents first and It would be wiped from my record when I was 16. I stole my mums car, drove around for hours drunk before crashing wall on country road, I then set fire to it, so that I could claim someone stole it, but being so drunk I forgot to take the keys out the ignition which police found later.

These just some of things I did before the age of 18. But I am not sharing it as way of impressing you; I was very mixed up little girl back then. I had parents who loved me, but just could not understand me at all. I had horrible feeling of being alone and no one understanding me or even being able too. My parents both are successful in business. Tried to help me with councillors, therapists, and so on. Truth be told, they all had solution or idea or way of trying to “FIX” me. As if I was this broken toy that just need bit of help and everything would be fine. For me the things I did were my way of having fun, rebelling or just saying “Fuck you to the world” that as far as was concerned had abandoned me day one. Trying to explain that to my parents at the time who were at the point of breaking which it sounds like the OP is now. I was never going to be understood because I still did not have the ability to full understand it myself. Everyone is different and everyone has their ways of coping with it, sometimes it life ruining other times, it a hobby or times its drugs and so on.
I am now 30. I have my own business and run chain of 4 very successful shops. But I always did my own way, I always will. My parents stuck by me, and for most 20’s we had sporadic contact at best. But over last 3-4 years I have built up a relationship with my parents on terms that we all agree with. They still do not approve of lot choices in my life, but we have found a way of communicating with each other that means were not at each other’s throats anymore. yes I made bad choices, but they were mine to make and I have had learn to live with consequences. It does feel a little like OP wants to make their choices for them in some respects. But I don’t think coming from bad place.

To the OP, well this my views on the situation and hope my sharing of my feelings and what I went through will at least help a little. my mum did try the whole you are guest in this house and you live by my rules. Yes some say it’s a lot crap, but now owning my own house, I can understand where that comes from. I guess that if you give a bit of leeway on the rules, “you give a inch, they take a mile” which from anyone point of view is not what you’re looking for. I don’t think you doing anything wrong. Though I think sending your daughter to “Boarding School” could be the end of any relationship you have with her when she gets older. I know how I would feel if my parents had sent me away. I would just feel more abandoned in the long run, feeling of insecurity and self-destructive patterns don’t just go away overnight, especially in extreme places like these schools. Yes she will behaviour will improve, she is in a situation where its being totality forced upon her “for her own good” but the long run of your relationship with your daughter, well I think time will tell on that one, but my advice would be get her home as quick as you can and get back to where she is loved before more damage is done. I know its hard place to be right now and trying to deal with two daughters is got to hard work. I know I was more than handful with my parents. But Just stick to your guns, and keep teaching what you can. Never abandon or “send way” someone to get help, even if they tell you it’s going to be good for them. Just love them, they’re not going to get better overnight and might get worse but just be there from them. Teach them actions have consequence and ride out what’s going very very hard times for you ahead. Its never easy to adopt and I think you just need support them with whatever choices they make good or bad. Encourage the good, disapprove of the bad

Kym x

always-right130 karma

thank you, thank you, thank you. that's all I can say. thank you.

gingerdreams373 karma

My younger brother and his biological sister were adopted by my family from India when I was ten (I'm 18 now). He (D) was four and she (M) was eight, and they both had severe RAD and PTSD, so I know exactly what you went through. The girl, who was the older one, had far more issues than he did stemming from abuse, neglect, malnutrition, etc. She was eventually diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, after she attempted to run away multiple times. This was after about five years of extreme violence, threats on our lives, refusal to take her meds which helped her behavior a lot, etc. When I was 15 we met a family that had about 10 adopted children, both parents with degrees in child development, who were well-qualified to help her, so we thought. She had been saying she hated us and wanted to move out for months, and my parents were close to the end of their rope dealing with nervous breakdowns and depression caused by her antics, so when the mother of the family approached us and told us she was interested in adopting my sister, we considered it carefully. In the end we decided it would be for the best for her to not live with us anymore, so we legally disowned her and the other family legally adopted her. That couple is now divorced. M manipulated them, lying and creating a rift between them, destroying their trust with the help of some of her other sisters. I have some mild trust issues and trauma from living with a psychopath for so long, and I refuse to see or talk to her. Though my brother misses his sister, he knows that it is best for her to be away from us. He, on the other hand, is doing very well, getting good grades in school, and generally getting along much better than M ever did. I, personally, will never adopt. As a child who went through what I did, I would never want to have to live in that situation again, nor would I want to put any children of mine through it. ...So yeah. That's my story. Thought I'd share since it's related.

always-right224 karma

bless your heart, and that of your family. so many people reading this think that all families are cookie cutter and they're not. you do things thinking you're doing the right thing and don't realize until after the fact that you're in over your head, and yet you have no clue where to turn for help or whether or not you're just over-reacting. I know what your family went through (god knows we also had our share of well meaning people who felt they alone could "fix" our daughters) and to finally say "I just can't do it" is tough, but sometimes just necessary.

[deleted]234 karma

Would you say they love you?

always-right380 karma

i think my younger one does. my older one, sadly, i don't think she actually knows what that means. i think to her it's always been "what have you done for me (ie, bought me) lately?" and if the answer is "nothing in particular, just provide for you." then her answer would be "then you obviously don't love me"

arvzi131 karma

I must say that I def. feel very strongly for OP. I was adopted out of a Korean orphanage as a toddler, and even having been relatively young compared to OP's children and probably better taken care of in Seoul (even though it was the 80's and S. Korea was undergoing major structural changes at the time) -- point is, I was a total asshole growing up. Just a giant, scummy piece of shit towards my parents and everyone around me. My parents worked very hard to give me a loving home and make sure I was well taken care of through expensive private schooling, high level gymnastics training all through my youth and adol years, and still making sure I could go off to a tier 1 University and graduate without a single cent of debt. And yet, I was truly a terror-- years of unspeakable acting out against others and myself. Really shameful shit.

It's only now that I can reflect with a more rounded view on the situation and on myself and try and atone for my actions and misbehaviour. My parents tell me that it wasn't truly my fault, and the slew of behavioral therapists and family counselors all attribute most of my bad behaviour to various personality issues associated with having been abandoned and internationally adopted-- but as a finally functioning human being, it literally hurts to reflect back on how much of a shit I was and can't ever really thank my parents enough for never dissolving the adoption or giving me up, although I'm more than certain they wanted to at times.

My heart goes out to OP, having been on the other end of the situation. My hope is that one day your girls can evolve beyond their problems and their pain and mature into fully and high functioning adults who are capable of empathy and love. It can happen.

edit: Wanted to clarify after a reread that my parents were not by any means rich, but middle class by every measurable account. They saved and frugalized every cent to try and provide these things for me. In the end, I ended up shunning private schooling and attended a public LAUSD high school-- horrible-- which also gave me some perspective, and out of sheer acting out and dumbass-ity almost ended up not falling through the cracks, but jumping. I don't know how I turned out well in the end, but as I often jokingly say: "too Asian to fail"

always-right61 karma

The fact that you can look back at your life -- what you came into the relationship with already and what your parents contributed (both good and bad) and can at least accept responsibility for what WAS your fault (and let's face it, each person and element involved bears some responsibility) is something any parent would be unbelievably proud of. You sound like an amazing person, and your parents are only partly responsible for that -- you're also very responsible for it as well. I hope this came out the way I intended, which is as a a compliment. god speed.

[deleted]113 karma

Bunch of people criticizing OP without an inkling of an idea. I don't care if you're a parent, your kids are not these kids with all of this included baggage from day 1. but I imagine it's a lot of 20 something who took psych 101 and are now experts, as per usual on this site.

American child-raising guides, nor your psych 101 class will provide advice about raising a foreigner child with fetal alcohol syndrome, PTSD, and a bad history of abuse. This isn't nurture, it's the kids' brains being fucked up with no medications to treat it. I've known people with touches of FAS-- they have spots in their personalities that are just...blank. like missing parts of brain.

OP, you got a bad deal, but if anything, at least the kids are in the U.S. now instead of Russia. That's about the only silver lining. I don't blame you for kicking them out after so much effort, including paying for a boarding school, which is not a cheap or easy decision.

always-right27 karma

Upvote from me! but I guess you could have guessed that.

Yes, EVERY situation is unique. We dealt with ours as best we could, and for all our own shortcomings, flaws and faults, our kids were never made to feel like they weren't family to us, and that we didn't love them completely. But no matter how much you love a child, at what point do you get to say "I no longer want to live with someone who hasn't got a shred of respect for me or anything I've tried to teach them or provide for them?" For us, it was age 18 because, frankly, I was getting tired of -- among other things -- having my hair pulled out in clumps, and finding people in my home I never invited there because my daughter would leave a window unlocked for them when we weren't at home.

indigopillow100 karma

When did they start to exhibit negative traits?

What is the worst thing that they have done?

Do you feel you are completely blamesless in their behavior?

What would you have done differently in raising them?

Both girls are still somewhat young. Have they calmed down over time or are they as much of a headache as always?

You spoke of the negative things...have they brought joy to you as well?

Do they regard you as their parents and love you as such?

always-right126 karma

Negative traits came out IMMEDIATELY (I mean, literally, Day One.). The worst thing? Just the accumulation of not giving a damn about anyone: both have been arrested (one of them on Mother's Day), I've had my hair pulled out, one daughter snuck boys into our home during the period of time my father in law was in the ICU -- stuff like that. I definitely would have turned over every stone to find the resources to deal with Reactive Attachment Disorder MUCH sooner. Now that they no longer live at home, I just pray for their safety but no, they haven't really calmed down or learned any of the values we tried to teach them. Have they brought us joy -- at various times, absolutely and without question.

[deleted]85 karma

I don't have the same background as your children, but check this out... Growing up I had bad grades, acted out, and was constantly getting in trouble. Constantly doing the same thing over and over again. When I turned 17 I was the first in my family to go to jail. And I went to jail 5 more times for doing the EXACT same petty crime. My parents cut me off financially and at one point they said if I went to their house they would call the police. I was selling drugs and living in my truck. The rest of my family and my brothers were college educated and had great lives. I was a failure. A complete failure. I treated my family worse than strangers. But through it all, they still visited me in jail. They wouldn't let me starve. And one night, with no food and high on drugs I realized I'm going to die if I stay out. So I called my parents and humbly asked if I could stay just one night with them. I slept for 3 days and finally sobered up. A fat kid all my life but I finally looked into the mirror sober and I was 140 pounds (lots of coke and X). I still walked on the "dark path" for about a year but my parents ALWAYS loved me, never turned their backs on me and let me know it. One day, I just woke up. I realized what I had done and where I was going. I was living like a slob in a house my parents rented for me, slacked off at work (a job THEY provided me), and I just say "Hey. What the fuck are you doing?"

Long story short, it took me a year and 8 months to turn things around. I pushed myself at work, I got my driver's license back (lost it due to drinking), and found lucrative ways for me to make money. Everything from eBay to scrapping metal. I made every single day count and tried to make up for lost time. In 2009 at the age of 21 I bought my own house. And a really nice house too. My Dad helped me obtain the house with his good credit and I took over payments immediately.

I moved all my furniture in, sat down and almost started to cry. Just under 2 years prior my life was horrible. Alcoholic, druggie, nobody. My whole life had been a series of let downs and I did nothing but abuse my family. Now I am 23 and I own my own home and I just launched my own business (Gun shop) a week ago and it's going GREAT.

The point of this is... psychology is real and sometimes you can't change it. Maybe it is too late for your daughters. Sometimes it seems like there is no end in sight. But love them. Always love them. Be there for them. Do not enable them with money. Don't spoil them. But maybe one day they can wake up and do amazing things. The only thing I've ever wanted is to make my Dad proud and my mother not worry. My brain just didn't know how let me do it until that day. Call your daughters right now and tell them how much you love them and that you will always love them.

tl;dr There can be hope in the hopeless.

always-right38 karma

God bless you, I'd LOVE for my daughters to look in the mirror, say "I'm an adult now, and I need to take responsibility for my life and my actions" the way you did. That's all I wanted from them -- to take responsibility for their actions and maybe learn from their mistakes....you know, become adults. But so far that hasn't happened. If and when I do see it happen, I'll also be there financially. But as I've told them repeatedly, as long as they continue to not take any responsibility for their lives and their actions, the only free thing they'll get from me is advice (and no, I don't pass judgment or comment on their choices unless they ask my opinion because I lost that right once I stopped supporting them financially).

susieq738366 karma

This will probably get lost, but I want to thank you for posting this. I feel horrible that you have been so disappointed in your adoption, but I feel almost a sense of relief that someone has dealt with the same thing and can so eloquently put it into words. I adopted my biological niece when she was 9 and I was 25. She is now 13. She lived with her mother until she was 7, then lived in a foster home for 2 years. While my negative experiences haven't been as drastic as yours, I have had some similar experiences. I have found her behavior to be very much like her mother's (my half sister)- nothing is every her fault, she is quick to turn the situation around and put the blame on me or someone else, and she will argue everything. Seriously, if she is in an argumentative mood, she will argue that the sky is green on a bright sunny day.

While my daughter is academically smart, she needs constant reminders to do simple things. This leads to many arguments because she doesn't want us to remind her, but she will forget if we don't.

She had been seeing a therapist that I thought was pretty good, but eventually she stopped seeing her. The therapist said she had outgrown the need for therapy in the meantime, but might need therapy again when she gets into high school.

She does not like me calling her my daughter. She gets defensive because she still wants a connection to her mother. This frustrates me so much because I am providing everything a mother would provide for her, which her mother could not. Now that she is getting older and isn't so afraid of expressing her feelings, we have discussed the reasons why she was taken away.

I love her, but I also need to be a responsible parent (which my own parents were). Her mother loved her, but had no parenting skills. I see the experiences in #3 of your edit happening in my house. She sees me disciplining her as me not loving her, but I always felt that there was something deeper going on. Thank you for explaining what might be happening.

always-right22 karma

People automatically think that if you bring your child to therapy you're just pawning them off. The world isn't as simple as it was when I was growing up, and it's really hard on kids who don't have the typical nuclear family. Definitely keep looking for someone who specializes in Reactive Attachment Disorder or PTSD because this kid DOES still need counseling, and from someone outside the circle. Try the Psychology Today website to see if there's one in your area. I found that helpful. best of luck to you.

iouaname67338 karma

How much of the girls' behavior do you blame on their own choices and how much do you blame on the situations they were raised in?

always-right98 karma

My biggest failing as their parent was thinking they would outgrow their behaviors and not taking into account how seriously their first 5 year affected their lives. We provided a loving, stable, safe, secure home. We're happily married, there wasn't any drinking or drugs or even smoking in our home, both of us had parents who were married 50+ years and we share the same values and work ethic. But the damage that was created in their first 5 years couldn't simply be undone by a different environment. That's what was so sad. Eventually I saw that, but it was too little too late.

triviaqueen19 karma

A friend of mine was married to a child psychiatrist, and he was treating three siblings who had been removed from their home. They decided to adopt all three of the siblings, who were age 4, 6, and 10 at the time. They had two older children of their own, but had always wanted a big family, and they thought with his background in psychiatry, they would be one big happy family. Thereafter followed five years of pure hell as the children ransacked and ruined their lives in every sort of horrible way. They finally had the adoption rescinded and turned the kids back over to the state - amid much outcry from the community, from people who have NO IDEA what it takes to deal with such children. I watched my friend go through all that trauma, and I shared her relief when these children were finally gone from her life, and I have nothing but pure sympathy for the OP.

always-right10 karma

thank you for that. believe me, I often considered a disruption but never did it because I knew I couldn't live with myself. But whereas once I thought people who did that were the worst possible kind of self absorbed scum, I came to learn were simply human beings and not supermen. tell your friend from someone who's been there, I totally get it and respect the decision that was right for her ENTIRE family.

xgloryfades19 karma

Sorry if this is an ignorant question but how old are they now, do they still have accents or at what age did you notice them losing them?

always-right27 karma

to my ear, I still hear a little bit of an accent in my older daughter. but basically as soon as they started speaking English regularly -- which was about 6 months into being in the US -- they began losing their accents.

Pruneyy19 karma

My neighbors, and classmates, were twins (both male) that had been adopted from Russia. Both suffering from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. They are really great and some of the nicest kids you'll meet, being their neighbor I became pretty good friends with them. They both have graduated high school and are into local community colleges now taking a few classes while working. I would assume that their adoption mother has no regrets as to taking them in but have never asked her. Just throwing out story of a successful adoption story of Eastern European kids. AMA if anymore questions pretty vague comment.

always-right12 karma

Statistically, it would be impossible for ALL European adoptions to have serious issues and I'm always thrilled at kids who succeed. My only point in posting this was for people who are either just now looking into international adoption, or have adopted and seen red flags.