always-right

i think my younger one does. my older one, sadly, i don't think she actually knows what that means. i think to her it's always been "what have you done for me (ie, bought me) lately?" and if the answer is "nothing in particular, just provide for you." then her answer would be "then you obviously don't love me"

bless your heart, and that of your family. so many people reading this think that all families are cookie cutter and they're not. you do things thinking you're doing the right thing and don't realize until after the fact that you're in over your head, and yet you have no clue where to turn for help or whether or not you're just over-reacting. I know what your family went through (god knows we also had our share of well meaning people who felt they alone could "fix" our daughters) and to finally say "I just can't do it" is tough, but sometimes just necessary.

thank you, thank you, thank you. that's all I can say. thank you.

Negative traits came out IMMEDIATELY (I mean, literally, Day One.). The worst thing? Just the accumulation of not giving a damn about anyone: both have been arrested (one of them on Mother's Day), I've had my hair pulled out, one daughter snuck boys into our home during the period of time my father in law was in the ICU -- stuff like that. I definitely would have turned over every stone to find the resources to deal with Reactive Attachment Disorder MUCH sooner. Now that they no longer live at home, I just pray for their safety but no, they haven't really calmed down or learned any of the values we tried to teach them. Have they brought us joy -- at various times, absolutely and without question.

My biggest failing as their parent was thinking they would outgrow their behaviors and not taking into account how seriously their first 5 year affected their lives. We provided a loving, stable, safe, secure home. We're happily married, there wasn't any drinking or drugs or even smoking in our home, both of us had parents who were married 50+ years and we share the same values and work ethic. But the damage that was created in their first 5 years couldn't simply be undone by a different environment. That's what was so sad. Eventually I saw that, but it was too little too late.