This will probably get lost, but I want to thank you for posting this. I feel horrible that you have been so disappointed in your adoption, but I feel almost a sense of relief that someone has dealt with the same thing and can so eloquently put it into words. I adopted my biological niece when she was 9 and I was 25. She is now 13. She lived with her mother until she was 7, then lived in a foster home for 2 years. While my negative experiences haven't been as drastic as yours, I have had some similar experiences. I have found her behavior to be very much like her mother's (my half sister)- nothing is every her fault, she is quick to turn the situation around and put the blame on me or someone else, and she will argue everything. Seriously, if she is in an argumentative mood, she will argue that the sky is green on a bright sunny day.
While my daughter is academically smart, she needs constant reminders to do simple things. This leads to many arguments because she doesn't want us to remind her, but she will forget if we don't.
She had been seeing a therapist that I thought was pretty good, but eventually she stopped seeing her. The therapist said she had outgrown the need for therapy in the meantime, but might need therapy again when she gets into high school.
She does not like me calling her my daughter. She gets defensive because she still wants a connection to her mother. This frustrates me so much because I am providing everything a mother would provide for her, which her mother could not. Now that she is getting older and isn't so afraid of expressing her feelings, we have discussed the reasons why she was taken away.
I love her, but I also need to be a responsible parent (which my own parents were). Her mother loved her, but had no parenting skills. I see the experiences in #3 of your edit happening in my house. She sees me disciplining her as me not loving her, but I always felt that there was something deeper going on. Thank you for explaining what might be happening.
susieq738366 karma
This will probably get lost, but I want to thank you for posting this. I feel horrible that you have been so disappointed in your adoption, but I feel almost a sense of relief that someone has dealt with the same thing and can so eloquently put it into words. I adopted my biological niece when she was 9 and I was 25. She is now 13. She lived with her mother until she was 7, then lived in a foster home for 2 years. While my negative experiences haven't been as drastic as yours, I have had some similar experiences. I have found her behavior to be very much like her mother's (my half sister)- nothing is every her fault, she is quick to turn the situation around and put the blame on me or someone else, and she will argue everything. Seriously, if she is in an argumentative mood, she will argue that the sky is green on a bright sunny day.
While my daughter is academically smart, she needs constant reminders to do simple things. This leads to many arguments because she doesn't want us to remind her, but she will forget if we don't.
She had been seeing a therapist that I thought was pretty good, but eventually she stopped seeing her. The therapist said she had outgrown the need for therapy in the meantime, but might need therapy again when she gets into high school.
She does not like me calling her my daughter. She gets defensive because she still wants a connection to her mother. This frustrates me so much because I am providing everything a mother would provide for her, which her mother could not. Now that she is getting older and isn't so afraid of expressing her feelings, we have discussed the reasons why she was taken away.
I love her, but I also need to be a responsible parent (which my own parents were). Her mother loved her, but had no parenting skills. I see the experiences in #3 of your edit happening in my house. She sees me disciplining her as me not loving her, but I always felt that there was something deeper going on. Thank you for explaining what might be happening.
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