IamA Grocery store cashier and service clerk AMA!

If my items don't ring up they are free right?

On a cosmic scale, fuck people who make that joke.

When guys try to buy condoms discretely by putting it in a cart with other stuff, what was the worst inadvertent combination you've seen?

Toilet paper, laxatives, hot sauce.

How often do people complain about using the chip in the debit/credit cards?

Our chip reader doesn't work, so they still swipe it. But every so often someone will just move the little note over the chip reader saying it doesn't work to just shove their card in. I let them wait a minute and feel dumb before saying anything.

Why do my eleven items go in fifteen bags? - joking.

But seriously - do you ever feel like you need to manufacture friendliness on rough days? How do you handle a customer whose jugular you want to go after with their rewards club card?

To actually answer the bag question, certain items just CANNOT go with other items, customer preference be damned.

To answer the real question, I'm very sarcastic and can hide my irritation well. I'll sit there and pick apart a customer to their face and they think I'm just trying to help. It's magical really.

What is the creepiest late night item combo purchase you've had to ring through?

5 hour energy, box of condoms, bag of shredded cheese, duct tape.

I one rang up a lady who bought a very large cucumber, KY jelly, and a 40 of malt liquor. Nothing else. That lady gave no fucks, except the one she presumably gave herself that night.

Beautiful.

Do you have dreams about produce codes? And what's the most obscure one you can remember?

I do not, but 3182 is fenel.

The look-up name for that in grocery stores I go to is anise. Figured that out after a couple of confusing moments at the check out.

Yeah, I found it there too. I just remember the code now though.

What aisle is the peanut butter on?

18

Thank you, I'll just go ... wait a minute, this store only has 17 aisles!

That's actually something people say, we have twenty aisles, but 18-20 have much smaller signs than 1-17.

Have you ever had a customer hit on you?

Several times. Occasionally it's a pretty girl and I flirt back, sometimes it's a middle aged woman with smokers breath and I have to try not to cry.

I'm assuming you mean tears of joy

Sure we can go with that.

Wearing "PINK" sweatpants and an openly visible shirt or sweatshirt to see her cleavage. Hair tied in a bun and extremely thin or extremely fat. One of the two. Always. Bonus points if her credit card declines and you have to put all her items back. Ps she had 40 items.

Do you work at my store?

What's the longest it's taken to check out a single person?

Ready for this? Over two hours. Over the summer a family of like fifteen came to stay in town for about a month, and only wanted to make one shopping trip. They had like eight or nine buggies, the total was like $1,200.00, it was crazy.

How many bags was that?

I have three racks of bags at my register at the start of my shift along with two boxes of extra bags, all together a fuck-load of bags. I was out after that and had to give them a few items without a bag. One lady took out their bacon in her purse.

How can we make your life easier?

Few ways:

1. No just because it didn't scan it's not free, that isn't funny, stop saying it.

2. Stop talking on the damn phone. That's rude.

3. Even if you don't wanna chat, when I ask how you're doing, answer me.

4. One buggy. You get one fucking buggy. If you need more come back. One.

5. The manager is gonna tell you the same shit I did, don't make me call them just because you didn't like my answer, it's wasting your time, my time, their time, and everyone behind you's time.

How do you feel about bagels?

Toasted, cream cheese.

What's your least favorite rude customer trope? Other than being straight up ignored when you greet them. For me personally it's when I have my hand extended for their change, and they toss it on the counter anyway.

Also, do you hate paper in plastic as much as I do?

The one I hate the most is when a customer doesn't say hi and ask where a product is, just shout the name of it at you. "Peanut butter?!" like calm down asshole. Paper in plastic? Not sure I know what ya mean.

Ahh I hear you there.

By paper in plastic I mean when a customer requests a paper bag inside their plastic bag. And then they want it to be packed lightly. Makes an order drag on way longer than it needs to be.

Oh. Yeah that gets annoying.

What's the strangest thing someone has ENTERED the store with? Like has anyone come in with a Parrot on their shoulder or something else that is just out of place?

Ya know most people don't enter a grocery store with a basket of tomatoes, you usually leave with that, but this fucker....

What's the most obscure thing you've seen being shoplifted?

You guys are obsessed with thievery. I didn't witness this myself, but a co worker told me about a guy who tried to steal a live lobster.

How closely do you pay attention to the vegetables when punching in the code? Like, if I buy Roma tomatoes will you just enter the code for regular tomatoes?

I pay close attention, because they all cost different amounts and if something is a penny more than it should be people flip out. If you buy roma, I'll put in the code for roma.

How many times have you been called racist or other prejudice term? Im also a cashier and it happens every now and then

It's happened a few times. There was a woman a few weeks ago who claimed I was charging her more than the customer in front of her because the first customer was white and she was black. The woman failed to realize the person in front of her bought like four things and she had a buggy full.

Did you get robbed (or they wanted to) and how often does someone try?

Has anyone ever tried to rob me? Nope. Although when something is expensive I've been accused of robbery!

what about people stealing from the market in general? Since tourists wouldn't come back there anyway do they try a lot and is this a problem to be aware of?

I honestly am not all that sure how much people try to steal from the store. Like I said, I daily encounter a kid trying to steal a candy bar, but that's about all I know of.

What's something that customer's can do to make your life a little easier that we wouldn't otherwise think about?

Don't go to a manager unless 100% necessary, you may think it's an easy way to get the right answer quicker, but it ends up being seen by them as us not doing our jobs and we get chewed out.

Should I quit my job and become a cashier? I'm an operations manager for a company that barely pays me 10 dollars an hour and sometimes I just want to bag groceries for a living.

If you're a manager and making what I make scanning shit and smiling, yeah. But I won't lie it's a boring and tedious job, if you're looking for part time work go for it, if you want full time find something else.

Do you ever feel like you 'bring your work home'?

I still live with my parents, every day when I get home...

Mom: Is anything good on sale?

Do you look for, and subsequently keep, old coins containing silver?

I haven't been looking, and the management is VERY particular about money, if my drawer is off by a penny I could get in trouble. I have however in the past risked a long lecture to keep a Canadian nickle that someone gave me once.

Whats the weirdest conversation you've ever haf with a customer?

That's a tough one, probably the lady who told me about the week she spent in Mexico. She told me she did a lot of cocaine and blew a bunch of dudes. I just asked why she wanted to buy ten jars of salsa. I thought she was having a party, I think the party was that week in Mexico.

Ever had someone famous or infamous come through your line?

The governor of the state I live in.

And were they decent or douchey?

Decent, really quiet. Think he didn't wanna get much attention so I didn't say anything about it other than tell him it was cool to meet him.

Rouses is my favorite grocery. There are ton in my hometown. What is your favorite moment?

Favorite moment? Like favorite thing that's happened to me while I've worked there? That's a tough one, probably the time one of my co workers put 5 bucks of his own money in my drawer when I was short. I was still fairly new at the time and was freaking out because I thought I was gonna get fired, and he just quietly pulls it out of his wallet, slips it in with the other 5's, and pats me on the back. Any other job I'd worked before it was every man for himself, here we all kinda struggle through it together.

How much money does the store makes a day?

I don't know exact numbers, I can tell you I personally deal with upwards of five thousand dollars a day on average in cash. So I imagine each cashier handles the same numbers, and this doesn't include cards or checks. I'm sure it's a big number.

Do you pay attention or even care what people buy or is everything just swipe... beep...swipe...beep?

It varies from time to time. If we're really busy or I'm just in a meh mood it's swipe beep swipe, but sometimes I do pay attention especially if stuff starts getting weird. I had a lady the other day buy like twelve bottles of white wine and several massive boxes of tampons. I assume she owns a sorority house.

Actually tampons make great wine stoppers.

That's...interesting.

Do you notice the people that come to the store more often? What was your favorite interaction with a costumer?

I do, you start to remember people who come in very frequently. The local high school football coach is a frequent customer of mine. As far as favorite interaction? Well there was an older guy who had a Vietnam Veteran hat on, it was Veteran's Day so I commented on it, thanked him for serving etc etc, we were kinda slow at the time, so he hung around a few minutes and told me some stories about his time in Vietnam. It was really cool!

You ever recommend something to a customer and they actually are looking for it?

Couple of times. Typically someone who hasn't been in the store before and doesn't really even know where to look.

Do you have any regulars? Please tell me a funny story about the weirdest one

I do! Plenty of regulars. As for the weirdest one? Well see below where I talk about the lady who told me she spent a week in Mexico doing cocaine and blowing dudes.

How often did people try to steal right in front of you?

Daily. Usually it's a 14 year old kid wanting a candy bar, and I'm a large guy so I just step in front of them and they get scared and put it back. One time though an older guy, like sat behind Jesus in math class old, got really mad about the price of the beer he wanted and refused to pay and tried to walk out with it. Managers somehow talked him into just paying for it.

I work the same job as you and we have occasional shoplifters. One ingenious way I've seen it is this lady who is a regular walks in and picks a couple magazines off the shelves and then walks over to our bench and sits down to read them. When she's done, she walks back over and pits them back on the shelf. She'll do this for a few hours and then do her actual shopping. It really bugs me because my managers won't say anything to her.

A buddy of mine works at Books a Million, he says that happens a LOT.

Which rouses do you work at? I use to work at the one in Ocean Springs

I don't really wanna disclose which store I'm at. My boss is not a huge fan of mine, and if this ever got to him and he knew it was me who did this I'm out the door. It's unlikely but ya don't wanna take chances.

Is there any logic in refusing to sell cigarettes/liquor if the ID is expired? Regardless of the birth date

None at all, and I don't check for expiration dates. Just date of birth.

I know there's quite a few people who'll keep using an id card long after it expires. in my state (though idk about others) the card goes from portrait to landscape at 21 and in certain places I've cashiered they'll say that even if they're old enough if its not updated to the landscape style its not valid... Never actually got in trouble for ignoring it though

Where I am the ID does change like that, but it depends on when you get it renewed and such, I'm 21 but mine is still portrait. I just check the birth date regardless.

Yeah probably you don't swipe it to reveal the age or whatever info. One cashier said she'd get in trouble because "they know". No idea how.

Trust me...they fucking know. Managers have this weird sense to know when you've broken a rule, and they will descend upon your register like angry, condescending, beer gutted wolves.

How are you able to balance college with your job?

I ensured that days I have classes I have totally off, so I can dedicate time after classes to homework and studying. It isn't overly easy, but it doesn't cripple me. I still maintain a 3.6 GPA. Not super genius, but good.

Ever had any pretty girls flash you or anyone having sex in the store?

No to both, but I did catch two co-workers of mine in the parking lot. I'm walking to my car after my shift and look over and there's dude in the backseat, sees me and looks shocked, up comes girl also looking shocked. We've never talked about it.

New Orleans?

The company is based out of Louisiana, but I'd rather not say which store I work at. It's very unlikely but if someone I work with/for saw this and thought it was negative about the company or store in any way and was able to narrow down who I was, I could lose my job.

Have you ever masturbated at work?

Check your coffee creamer. I kid, I have never, and will never do that.

Favorite GTA game? Favorite cod game?

5, Black Ops.

So they're just doing ask me anything for anything now?

Yes.

Why don't u learn a skill so u can eventually start a career?

I'm in college, majoring is business administration. This is just a part time job so I can have money to do stuff with my friends, and so I can support my crippling video game addiction. This is not my career.