IamA Exotic Dancer AMA!

Is it hard to have a bf?

I can only speak for myself, and for me it hasn't been. I actually met my Husband at that very same club a month into me working there. We have been together ever since and have children together. But I do feel the longer you work there, the harder it is to meet someone. It's easy to become jaded and many woman have ended up single for years from being a dancer.

Its funny, a lot of people think dancers are sluts and have sex with everyone they see. But in reality it's the opposite. A lot girls I work with have not had sex in years.

Actually I never thought they are sluts but that many as you said have a hard time finding someone. Maybe they lost trust in the world or so. But on the other hand I never went to such place, so I wouldn't know and I never have meet someone that works there.

A lot of the girls I work with are married. But when girls start working there and are single, I notice they usually stay single for a long time. Or they go through a lot of different boyfriends.

This is very interesting. Can you go into more detail about why and how either scenario happens?

I can TRY to explain it. For me I noticed it's mainly because you get so used to being around men and seeing the worst parts of them. You're seeing them in their drunken stage. So you start to become turned off by them. You meet so many different guys a night, the novelty wears off. So it's hard to meet someone and think "I want be around this guy more!" It takes a lot more to become interested in them or want to see more of them.

I heard that there's actually a high proportion of dancers that are either bi and in a relationship with another girl or straight up lesbian. Can you confirm/deny?

Some of the girls I work with are BI. I have not worked with any straight up lesbians yet though.

What is the weirdest proposition a patron has ever made to you?

So far I haven't got any extra weird propositions. The weirdest customer I ever came across liked to sit next to me and just run his hands over my arms and legs. One day he said to me "I would like to get you into my bedroom and pull your skin." After that, I was gone. He still comes in but he rarely ever gets dances. It seemed to me he wanted to skin me alive.

"You have beautiful skin, it would make a great lampshade."

Instantly made me think of that! I don't know what part of him thought that was a normal thing to say lol. He seemed completely normal otherwise.

How often do guys jizz in their pants during a lap dance?

Lol that does happen. It happens at least once a week. I don't care as long as they don't get it on me.

What is something you wish you had been told when you started doing exotic dancing?

I wish I had been told how to handle sexual assault. You are never ready for it when a strange man decides to touch your crotch. It's honestly kind of sad in that way. People think once you walk into the door, anything goes. They don't really see you as a person. They think it's okay to touch you in areas nobody should be touched unless asked first.

You never get use to that. And I have witnessed new girls come running back into the dressing room crying because they were touched inappropriately for the first time. And they usually leave and never come back.

As a follow up question, how do you deal with sexual assault in your career? I assume that in a well run club the manager would kick anyone out for doing something like that. Is that something you were not aware of when you started out or is there a different way to deal with it?

Very sorry to hear it's such a common occurrence but glad to hear you found a way to shut it down!

I still don't know how to deal with it. Luckily it doesn't happen as often anymore. But it just makes you feel like shit. I do like the club I work at, but they don't do anything about assault. As long as the guy is buying drinks, they get to stay. That is more of the Owners rule than it is their rule. If they had it their way, they would absolutely kick out anyone trying to touch a girl in their private area.

But they would risk getting fired if they kicked out anyone who was spending money on drinks. No matter what they are doing to the girls.

That sounds like a really shitty stance for your club to be taking putting a few drinks above their employee's safety. Very sorry to hear that :/

The owner is greedy. Plain and simple. It does suck, but it's really the only downside to that actual club. The managers are actually very caring and they try their best. But they aren't allowed to kick someone out who is buying drunks. Unless the dude is starting fights or throwing things.

Unless the dude is starting fights

I think you could say that forcing yourself on a lady is starting a fight.

It is reviling that that person considers sexual assault to be less than 'starting a fight' because it doesn't as directly and immediately cause lost revenue

I agree with you. I've seen girls run to the manager crying because a man touched them down below, and they get yelled at. So we have learned to keep it to ourselves.

Ex military here. What you're saying is a bit unusual because from what I've seen 'no handsy' is a pretty damned common rule. In fact what I've noticed is the dancers will be the ones to put your hands somewhere, which is kind of an unwritten code. But my youth was in the 90s so... But it was odd that not just in base towns but everywhere it was basically a code everyone followed. I don't know what happened since but that was the 'Juice Bar' era.

At most the clubs in my area, being handsy will not get you kicked out. At my club it's up to the dancer where she wants to allow customers to touch her.

Manager of a Strip Club here. Thing is, the entire business is based around "fantasy" and "sex." You cant have that environment without someone trying to get "handsY" from time to time. We have bouncers that watch for this, and of course the dancers are told to stay a certain distance from customer's, however things can do and still happen.

That said, we kick people out all the time for trying to get to handsy or for solicitation. I once had a customer actually call me over to his table to tell me he was upset because another customer would not sell him cocaine. So that being said you can only imagine what takes place on a daily basis.

When a dancer starts, especially a new girl that has never danced before I always give them the disclaimer about this business. We can only watch so much, and again things will happen. The reality of this business is you get naked in front of guys and dance for them. Someone, some day, is going to try and touch you. I dont condone it or want it to happen, but I can not be everywhere at once and neither can my bouncer's.

Exactly. It's really not the managers fault. You are literally sitting on the mans lap. They can decide to touch you anywhere in a split second. It just happens. The most we can do is stop the dance and walk away. And decide not to dance for them anymore.

I'm friends with a few strippers, girls I've known since high school that are like sisters to me. The worst experience one had was a very drunk guy reached up her skirt while she was walking past (skirt was part of her costume), and tried to stick his fingers inside her. He had filthy, jagged nails and actually cut her labia pretty badly, and it hurt quite a bit. She said "usually our bouncers are pretty chill...but when I told them what happened they dragged him out back and beat the living shit out of the guy and said that if he reported them someone was gonna show up at his house one night and kill him. They took his wallet and wrote down his address so he knew they meant business." She quit shortly after and is now training to be a mortician.

Oh my god...that is just sickening. My stomach twisted when I read that. As a woman, someone cutting/scratching my vagina is one of the worst things that I can think of.

Yeah, it was awful. She called me up weeping. She didn't quit right then. But she had to take a few weeks off just to build up her courage to go back.

That is horrible =[ It takes quite awhile to get past something like that.

Dumbest but most honest one ...are you a good dancer? (Tradition wedding dance floor sense) does being a good dancer equal more $$$?

I am not lol. To be honest I don't even do many pole tricks. I would love to learn more, but doing so in a bar full of people would mean falling on your ass multiple times in a bar full of people. I plan on ordering a pole for my home soon to practice on.

What's the most money you made in one night?

My best night, I made about $800. I work the night shift and it's a pretty short shift. Maybe 5 hour's at the most. So it's hard to get past making a grand unless you are being tipped really well.

Jessica - please erase your photobucket link for your my proof

I took your picture and reuploaded it on imagur. Photucket isn't safe - we can all see your pictures of your kid and everything else. And as others have said - in a few mins time you can start to be tracked. You never know what weirdo or creep is looking at this info. Most of us are decent people - but all it takes is for one not to be and come find you, stalk you or worse

Here is the link - paste this one back in

http://i.imgur.com/CTzz90D.jpg

Thank you so much!

How many times has a customer fallen in love with you ?

I've honestly lost count. It happens all the time. It makes me feel bad too because I know they are lonely and just wanting someone to share life with. But I never lead anyone on just for money. Most of the girls will let a guy think there is a chance at a relationship so he will keep giving her money. I don't do that.

I don't believe in using people. No matter what job it is. It never makes it okay. They are still real people with real feelings. I always tell them I am happily married and a relationship will never happen. If they choose to move on, that is there is chance. If they still want to buy dances and hang out with me, their choice.

You're a cool stripper, not gonna lie.

Oh, thank you!

You seem like a very genuine person, I wish you the best on getting your degree and having a great new year.

Thank you! I hope you have an amazing New Year as well!

Being a stripper is one of those jobs people see a lot in movies and on TV but have no actual experience of.

What are some of the bigger misconceptions people you meet/know have of the job?

There is so many. People think all dancers have Daddy issues. That they all do drugs. That could not be farthest from the truth. Most girls I work with have a great relationship with both of their parents. Most of them don't do any drugs nor drink. They go home to there kids and Husband at night. They aren't partying all night or doing lines on a table. It's very different than from what people expect it to be.

The only strippers I've met have had daddy issues or been on drugs, so it's difficult to have another aspect on the matter. Do strippers regularly get drunk on stage?

Nope! At least not at my club. A lot of the girls have a casual drink. But only a few actually get drunk. Out of the 40 girls that work there, only about 5 of them actually have a drug habit. They have a very strict drug policy there. If they even suspect you are on drugs, you're fired.

On a scale from 1-10 (10 being the highest) how creepy is it when a patron tries to learn your real name?

It doesn't bother me much. I actually do use my real name. They don't know my last name, so it's not like they can find me. I've had some find me on Facebook and try to message me. But considering I am married I don't think its appropriate to have contact with them outside the bar.

I always ask the name and accept it with a smile no matter how fake. Your name's Easy/Mercedes/Candy? That was my father's name too!

Last exotic dancer I went to said her name was Amber and I didn't know what to think.

LOL

You might want to host the image on imgur or make your photo bucket private....because people can actually see personal details. Other than that, happy new year! How will you celebrate the start of 2017?

You're right, I probably should. This is my first time doing this and I have only been on Reddit for a short while. So I am still figuring everything out lol. Thank you! I am celebrating by sitting in my bedroom alone and eating pizza. My Husband decided to start construction on our kitchen....today of all days...so I am sitting on my bed in a bad mood lol

People in service jobs always have stories about things that happened during their employment. Good, bad, ugly. Do you have any good stories?

Oh! So for awhile we had a Sheriff in our county coming in a lot. He had a lot of money. I danced for him for awhile, but he wanted more than dances. When he realized he wouldn't get more from me, he moved on. He came in one day in a bad mood and told me one of the girls asked for the money up front and would meet him at a hotel after the bar closed. Well, she did not meet him at the motel and took his money. He said to me "She is going to end up dead one day and nobody would find her body." It freaked me out and I didn't talk to him again after that.

He really should call the cops, that sounds like a crime to me

Well, he IS a cop.

What a dirtbag piece of scum.

It's easy to view them that way, but a lot of them are just loney and just haven't had sex in a long time. After he said that to me, I didn't look at him the same anymore. At first he seemed very kind and easy to talk too. Just a man who's wife I guess doesn't want to be intimate anymore and he was looking for intimacy in the wrong places. But for a Cop...A Sheriff at that...who has probably taken people to jail for soliciting prostitutes, and here he was doing the same thing...just seemed messed up.

Is there really no sex in the champagne room?

Not in my club. We actually don't have private rooms. It's the biggest reason most of us work there. We do our dances on a very long couch in the back of the bar. In view of everyone. So having sex for money inside the club is...not impossible...but pretty difficult. Most of us would never work in a club with private rooms. Simply because in those type of clubs, there is a lot exchange of sex for money. It would be nearly impossible to be able to simply do dances for money, when everyone else is offering sex for the same price.

In your AMA proof picture, what kind of sandwich is that on the counter? :p Happy New Year!

Haha! I have no idea! I don't think it was mine. I usually stop at Tim Hortons on the way for a coffee. So the coffee cup is definitely mine.

Canadian confirmed.

I live in Michigan. So close!

America's high five! You rock from another michigander

Thank you! You rock too!

It's a bagel with cream cheese. Duh.

Oh wait! That is mine lol. I did buy a bagel at Tim Hortons that day. My bad.

What are your most and least favorite topics of conversation with the customers?

My least favorite topic is Politics. My favorite topic is life in general. I like to know why they are there and what they are looking for. Most men who come into a Strip Club aren't assholes or sleezeballs. They are lonely. Maybe they lost their wife. Going through a divorce. Trying to handle losing their job. A lot of them just want someone to talk too.

I can't imagine going to a strip club and while getting a lap dance decide to start talking politics.

I know right! Not too long ago I had a customer ask me who I was voting for. We happened to be on complete opposite ends of the spectrum when it came to that. I could tell he was getting heated. He was voting for Trump and I was voting for Hillary. I told him it wasn't that serious, and just nodded along to what he was ranting about.

Why did you choose to go into that form on entertainment?

That's a good question. Honestly...I just needed money. When I started working at the bar, I had only one other job previously. My first day dancing I walked out after an hour. Dancing on stage was fine, but the lap dances made me nervous. I tried it again a few weeks later and told myself to stay the entire night, and if I didn't like it, I never had to do it again.

I made $200 that night. Which to me was a lot of money then. So I stuck with it. I got along with all the girls and most the men that came in were actually very kind and respectful. So I just stuck with it. It allowed me to spend more time with my kids too. I only have to work two days a week, which is nice. My time with my kids is really important to me.

Are you ever going to explain to your kids what you do or did? Or you ever think about what you'll tell them?

They probably could not care less to even ask. If they do ask? I use to be a stripper. Simple. It's really not that big of a deal. It's 2017 officially. I'm pretty sure I remember my Mom telling me she danced for a year before she had kids. It didn't bother me in the slightest.

Let me add again. I am speaking strictly on MY experience alone. I have worked in only this Strip Club. I worked at another one for only one week, and went back to my old club. Obviously my club isn't like other's. I can't speak on the rest of the Strip Clubs in America. I can only speak for the one I have worked in. I'm sorry if you think it's bullshit or that I am lying to make it sound better than it is.

But it's still just my experience.

What is the best prank you or your peers have played on a new girl that thought she was better than everyone?

Because I've met dancers that would get those bitches drink then have the MC change their music to something terrible, like Dixie Chicks.

Good question! I cannot think of any pranks I participated in. But I know that when a new girl comes in and acts that way, she simple get's ignored. Everyone just pretends she doesn't exist. She could ask a group of us a question and nobody would look in her direction or answer it. But I have seen people change girls music when they are angry with the girl.

What's the last piece of clothing you remove?

Bra or panties?

Does this mean you think that's your best physical feature?

We only remove our top. The bottoms stay on at all times. My best physical feature...I like my thumbs. I think I have nice thumbs. That's about it.

Have you ever been turned on by someone you danced for? If so how did you deal with it?

At the very beginning of working there I did. But that stopped pretty quickly.

You mentioned that you plan to go back to school to get your degree. What do you plan to study and hopefully start working as?

I was going to get a degree in Psychology but I changed my mind on that. I think I will still study it, but I want to get a degree in business. My Husband and I plan on opening our own Auto Shop, so I think a business degree would come in handy!

What's your favorite music to dance to?

Rock or anything on the radio.

Many of my friends have the opinion that stripping, or exotic dancing, is degrading or dehumanizing because men are just there to ogle them, and that strippers are usually girls forced into the profession due to necessity. Having only been to a strip club a few times, each time for bachelor parties, I've never had the chance to ask an actual dancer what she thinks about it. Do you think that stripping or dancing glorifies the objectification of women, or do you consider it more of an art form that can empower a woman? Thanks in advance for your answer!

Honestly...I look it as just a regular ole job. I don't think it's degrading. But I also don't think it does much to HELP woman either. It's just kind of in between. Some of the girls are there because they are single mothers and need the money. But a lot of them actually don't have to be there. Including me. I could have quit a year ago if I wanted too.

For me, going to work is like my night away...my alone time...I can hang out with the girls and have fun and make a few bucks while im at it.

But I wouldn't say it's dehumanizing. It's just boobs. Every female has them. You would be surprised how many men don't look you as an object. I have met some really kind and amazing men working there. Some of them I will always consider a friend.

Do you claim all of your earnings to the IRS?

-Not IRS

Someone else does my taxes for me. But yes I do!

How did you and your husband get together?

I had been working at the club for about a month. I walked out the dressing room and seen him sitting at a table with friends. I thought he was cute. He was wearing a turtleneck and I had not seen someone wearing one of those in a long time. His friend was a regular at the club, he had only been coming in for a few months.

I actually had to work really hard to reel him in. He thought I only wanted money out of him. I liked him so much I would sit at the table with him all night, knowing I wasn't going to make any money lol. ( Also he is a bigger guy, and sadly most woman like skinny men. So he didn't think I was actually attracted to him, but I was insanely attracted to him. )

He started driving me home, and every single night I would put $25 in his gas tank, buy his cigarettes, and give him money that he never wanted to take, but I made him take it. He was unemployed when I met him. I just wanted to show him that I really liked him and was not looking for money out of him. I got his number. I took him out on a date. And I moved in with him shortly after! It's been great ever since!

How does your husband feel about you still working there? Does it cause any fights?

Yes it has caused some fights. Mainly in the beginning. Not so much anymore.

What is the weirdest thing you did at the club?

Hmm. I took a nap once.

Who doesn't take a nap at their job at least once?

Exactly! I put several chairs side by side and layed down and took a nap. I planned on only sleeping a half hour. But when I woke up, it was 11pm and I had two hours to make money. Luckily I ended up doing well.

First read that as 'took a nap dance' which sounded like someone's sleeping beauty fetish or something.

If more people wanted Nap Dances, I would enjoy it so much more.

Ohhhj I have two questions! How often do you workout or hit the gym to stay in shape? Also if you get cash all the time does that mean your on the books not employed or does the club take count making you a 1099 self employed?

1099 Self Employed. I don't go to the gym. Luckily I have a great metabolism. So dancing a few times a week is enough.

What's the auditioning process like?

I didn't have to audition. I know a lot of clubs do require an audition though. I just walked in and asked if I could work there. I started the next day.

what hair products do you use. or any hair advice to get straight hairs like yours?
are you just using the hair straightener like crazy?

i have straight hairs but my head looks like a hedgehog that put his nose into a power socket. i got all those little "broken" hairs that just go in random directions, doesnt matter how much wax or hairspray i use. a friend of mine said its because i have dry hairs and i think shes right, so i got some oils which make the hairs shine, but i still got those little broken hairs.

same for my beard but i guess you cant give me any beard advices.

I would love your hair!!! Mine is just naturally straight. I don't use a flat iron and the only hair product I use is hair spray, to try and lift my roots. I put hair spray in it while it's wet, then blow dry it. It tends to help make it thicker looking.

Is there prostitution?

Not in my particular club.

Did you enter the business because it was your only available option? Do you see yourself moving away from the job as soon as the opprotunity presents itself, or do you have a legitimate interest to continue this line of work?

It definitely was not my only option. But at the time, I needed to make a lot of money. My cousin was working in the club and told me about it. So I figured I would give it a shot. I have no interest in making a career out of it lol. Technically I don't have to work there anymore if I don't want too. But I am staying one more year. My Husband makes really good money, so I will be quitting in a year to go to school full time.

How did you arrive at your stage name? Did you use one of the urban legend "formulas" or some other method?

I use my real name =]

Can you tell when a guy finishes in his pants during a lap dance?

I imagine it would be indicated by his sudden lack of interest.

Yes! They always immediately want to get up and leave.

I've never been to a strip club of any kind, so what sort of etiquette is there that I should know about? What sort of things should I do that will make me more comfortable and not do that will result in negative impacts on my experience as well as the dancers?

Okay let's see. Make sure you tip the girls on stage. You do not have to tip a lot. But giving each girl at least one dollar would do. I see guys come in and nurse a beer for hours...and they never get up to tip anyone. That kind of guy never gets approached and the girls hate them for it.

Also, never touch a girl unless you have asked and were told it was okay to do so. As long as you do that, you should be good.

How many dancers do drugs before they go on? And what is the drug of choice?

There isn't a whole lot of drug use in my bar. They actually have very strict rules when it comes to drugs. I have seen girls get fired instantly if they even suspect she is on drugs. Right now we have about 40 girls working there total, out of everyone...I would say only 5 of them do drugs.

I actually have a story that goes with this question. The managers suspected someone was smoking drugs in the bathroom a few years ago. I happened to come into work sick, so I had to run to the bathroom often and throw up. There isn't a main door to the bathroom. Only the stalls have doors. I walk out the bathroom and see both managers standing in the doorway.

I asked what was wrong and they said "Why were you standing with your feet facing the toilet? What were you doing in there?" I had to explain I was throwing up and NOT cooking heroin on the back of the toilet. I offered to let them check my purse, but they knew it wasn't me.

Do you have any plus sized dancers at your club and what do you think of plus sized dancers?

Yes! Right now we have two. As far as what I think? If they love their body and are comfortable showing it off, that's all that matters. They certainly make just as much money as the small girls, if not more.

Other than tipping $$$, what's the classiest thing a guy could do to/with/for an exotic dancer to immediately put her in a good mood?

Bring her food!

Do you get offended when a guy you're giving a lap dance to doesn't get an erection?

No. Some of them are older and just can't get it up. Some of them drank too much and can't get it up. It's totally normal. Nothing to be embarrassed by or take offense too. I also know that I am not everyone cup of tea. So yeah. I do not get offended.

Do erotic dancers get offended by sweatpants/sports pants/gym shorts wearers requesting lap dances?

I actually prefer sweatpants! It gets uncomfortable grinding on jeans. They just aren't soft at all. I would much rather the guys were gym shorts or sweats.

How often do girls have normal day jobs also? Or does working late nights prevent that?

Many of them do! At least half of the girls I work with have regular day jobs.

What are your thoughts on the forty five dead in Istanbul this close to the new year?

I actually really like that you asked me this. I'll get back to this question asap.

What do you think of Asian customers? Also do you have any advice for first timers that you see they get wrong all the time?

I've had only good experience with Asian customers! They are always very kind and respectful. One of my favorite customers is Asian.

What's your drink of choice at the bar?

I don't drink alcohol! My drink of choice is Coffee =]

Have you ever jacked off a dog for money?

I have not! But if ever comes a time where a dog walks in...I'll have to meet that moral dilemma.

Money? If you jack a dog off.. It's for crack.

Anyone jacking off a dog is definitely doing so for crack.

Have you ever seen an alien? Not a mexican. Space aliens.

Not yet.