Comments: 916 • Responses: 94  • Date: 

guess_twat260 karma

Because you are not showing off your "poor, gimped body" and only your very attractive face, I though I would ask if you have trouble finding sex partners? Do you feel like you have to overly assure people it will be ok to pursue sex with you because of your handicap?

emilyeverafter355 karma

Hahahaha, very nicely worded.

I'm wearing makeup today admittedly, but it's hard to get a full-body shot when you're using a laptop with a webcam. I could look for shots of how my body looks when I'm standing. My knees are turned in to face each other, my leg muscles are extremely atrophied and small, so I do definitely look different than the average chick.

However, I very much appreciate being called "very attractive"!

I have only had two consensual sexual partners in my life and I do wish I could have more, but unfortunately, it actually is very hard to convince a man that I am a viable partner. I live in a very small, rural town and I do believe that is part of the issue, but every man I meet in person instantly notices the handicap.

It either makes men extremely interested in having sex with me because they're into the idea of having sex with a handicapped chick, but that alone makes me unattracted to them because I feel as though I am more than just a means by which someone may satisfy their handicap fetish.

Orrrr it makes people extremely turned off, which I am more used to. It sucks, but many people see sex with a disabled girl as taking advantage of said disabled girl or as a form of harm. Even rape. This is very concerning to me because I am into kink and one of the primary rules of kink is to make sure all involved parties know that the activities have been sanely and safely consented to. When a man considers me unable to consent simply because I walk differently than most girls, it is frustrating and saddening, but it is a common opinion and one that I hope to help erase through education.

guess_twat145 karma

Only two consensual sex partners seems to indicate you have had at least one non-consensual sex partners?

emilyeverafter324 karma

I have been sexually abused once, yes. It was a bad time in my life, post-suicide attempt, and when I realized I was still alive, I wanted to put myself in danger so that someone else might kill me. It was bad, but I got medication for depression, admitted what was going on to my therapist, and got help. I am much happier and confident today and I am able to have a very normal sex life with no traumatic residue. I believe the experience has solidified my desire to be a sex therapist.

guess_twat104 karma

Well thats a bummer but at least you overcame.

emilyeverafter115 karma


And thanks!

th3chemist5 karma

My girlfriend suffers from anxiety induced panic attacks from sexual abuse. She's been seeing a psychologist, but it hasn't really alleviated the problem. She is currently going to church praying to God to make the problem go away, one can only hope right. Would you recommend she see a sex therapsit maybe?

emilyeverafter4 karma


dog_in_the_vent5 karma

It either makes men extremely interested in having sex with me because they're into the idea of having sex with a handicapped chick, but that alone makes me unattracted to them because I feel as though I am more than just a means by which someone may satisfy their handicap fetish.

I feel like you're misinterpreting their attraction to you as something you should avoid.

Some men have legitimate fetishes for handicapped women, but that doesn't mean they're only interested in using you for sex. They might be interested in a meaningful, long lasting relationship with you with the added bonus of finding a nice girl that fulfills their very specific fetish.

Besides, if you want to have more sexual partners I'd say men with a handicap fetish are right up your alley. If you're interested in more of a relationship than just sexual partners you would obviously want to be more discriminating. I'm just saying don't discount them automatically.

emilyeverafter11 karma

They have a fetish for disabled girls, I have an equally passionate dislike for having my disability fetishsized. I think I have just as much of a right to dislike something as devotees have to like their fetish.

I tried it once and it made me feel sick. I'd rather never do it again.

pandaandromeda3 karma

Hi! Thank you so much for doing this AMA! I am temporarily physically disabled and found myself in an unusual place sexually and a lot of it stems from the fact I'm extremely submissive and masochistic, but wasn't sure how to pursue that and how comfortable I would be and partners would be engaging in kink with my handicap. You mention being into kink, could you talk about how BDSM and disability intersect for you? :)

emilyeverafter4 karma

Sure! I love being a masochistic sub. What would you like to know?

Mad_V3 karma

honest question: how would hooking up with someone who is into bdsm to satisfy that kink be any different that hooking up with someone to satisfy their handicapped fetish?

emilyeverafter3 karma

Because the BDSM kink would be mutual.

blackrose212 karma

Time to move to a large city small conservative towns are not the right place

emilyeverafter2 karma


Kallerdrengen220 karma

Forgive me for being blunt, but what kind of positions can you do during sex?

emilyeverafter342 karma

Don't apologize for being blunt! Sex shouldn't be surrounded by euphemisms and shy disguises. It's a wonderful, beautiful thing that people should discuss openly!

From what I've tried, I've been able to do most things with some slight adaptations. I need to be held up if I'm gonna be on top because my balance is bad and I would fall over if left to steady myself.

I can't do anal bent over because my ass cheeks won't spread. Spasticity is a bitch. Doggy style is fine for vaginal penetration, however.

Most traditional positions are fine. It's the odd ones like "splitting bamboo" that I can't do at all. I also don't particularly enjoy providing blow jobs while the man is standing and I'm on my knees. My knees get sore VERY fast and I can't balance myself if I'm not propped up by my arms.

Kallerdrengen94 karma

Splitting bamboo? Never heard that one before. Thank you for the answer though, glad to hear that sex isn't impossible for you. You sound like a girl with an healthy appetite for sex! Lovely;)

emilyeverafter101 karma

Google it! I hear it's really fun for you able-bodied folk, but when I tried it, I was in so much pain.

I'm honestly really happy about my sexual abilities too, thank you so much for being willing to read about them and being open-minded about the appetites of disabled people!

nuke_engi42 karma

I love splitting bamboo!

emilyeverafter102 karma

Oh sure, rub it in that I can't do it ;P

Bks135830 karma

TIL one of my go-to moves is called "Splitting bamboo". Thanks!

emilyeverafter10 karma

You're very welcome!

Moneytroy62 karma

I can't do anal bent over because my ass cheeks won't spread.

How do you poop?

emilyeverafter371 karma

I sit, sir.

Moneytroy146 karma


emilyeverafter33 karma


Glennus62668 karma

If I sits, I shits

emilyeverafter76 karma

Hopefully not every time you sit...

anschelsc79 karma

What kind of sex education did you get in school? Was any of it disability-focused? What do you wish you (and/or your future partners) had been told but weren't?

emilyeverafter191 karma

I began sex education in seventh grade at twelve years old. Unfortunately, disability was mentioned in the worst way possible. I am Canadian and was taking French immersion in school. All classes, even sex ed, were used as opportunities to get us to practice our French.

One day, my teacher handed out a sheet with facts on rape to us and we were told to read the facts (in French) to each other, out loud, in groups.

I had a crush on a boy in my group and so I was play-fighting with him over the sheet of paper, and then we got to a certain fact on the list which read,

"Young, disabled women are four times more likely to be raped as their able-bodied counterparts."

He handed the sheet to me and said,

"Fine, you want the sheet, Emily? Read that one, Rape-Food."

And that was my legacy for junior high school.

Sex and disability were never discussed in any sex ed classes that I took for the remainder of junior high or high school.

Something I wish I had been told about sex and disability was that orgasms would cause my already-spastic muscles to spasm and that it would hurt.

Something I wish I had been told about sex in general was that cum is hot in temperature. I had been expecting it to be cold. That was a surprise.

anschelsc99 karma

Jesus fuck. I had low expectations but that was...fuck.

Thanks for the other answers; to follow up, is there something you wish your partners had been told?

emilyeverafter112 karma


Like I say, the education system needs to stop excluding disabled people. We're just as horny as normal people, we have mostly-intact bodies, and we will damned well use them if we get the opportunity to. We need to be taught how to do so safely.

I don't wish my partners had been told anything because I take it upon myself to have an honest, serious discussion about sex with them before I have sex with them and we cover all the important bases before we run the bases, so to speak.

quietude3839 karma

I'm trying to think of any bodily fluid that isn't at body temperature. Why would you expect it to be cold?

emilyeverafter77 karma

Well, I was a virgin woman who was sheltered away from most things about sex. Truly, it was a recipe for disaster and I'm amazed that I didn't make any mistakes worse than that.

Anything I heard about testicles was that they should be kept cool to prevent infertility.

I learned my lesson and went on to actually google things about male anatomy before seeing it in person and I liked learning, so that's how I went from ignorant to where I am today.

Slick_Grimes78 karma

I have a friend with cerebral palsy that calls himself the "Pimp with a limp" and like you he has a fantastic sense of humor about it which I really admire. You should see him bowl though! Looks like he's winding up a pitch when he steps to the line.

Anyway do you secretly wish someone will fuck you re-abled?

emilyeverafter52 karma

Nah, there are too many perks to being a handicap to give it up. I was born this way and it's all I know. Venturing into unknown territory would be terrifying.

I hate bowling so kudos to your friend for finding a way to make it fun for the palsied team!

Winterplatypus44 karma

I know what you mean, it's getting more and more difficult to find a park these days. I can see how it'd be difficult to give up that bay.

emilyeverafter168 karma


"So hey, if you take me out to dinner...We can get the best fucking parking you've ever seen!"

cynoclast60 karma

"So hey, if you take me out to dinner...We can get the best fucking parking you've ever seen!"

This would totally work on me. Not only because of the parking, but because of the fantastic and humorous way of getting it out in the open. Also, you're cute and kinky. Vanilla relationships...just don't work for me anymore. Honestly, being vanilla would be more of a handicap preventing me from dating them than a disability would.

emilyeverafter35 karma

There you go! Now if only you lived in this backwards, little town of mine.

MuonManLaserJab14 karma

This little town isn't New York City right?

emilyeverafter9 karma

You're very right.

Winterplatypus27 karma

Sense of humour and can't run away from me, ticking all the boxes. Are you rich?

emilyeverafter30 karma

Can't run away from me

crying of laughter

No sir, I am a poor undergrad. So sorry to fail that last test.

Pwny_Danza8165 karma

Hi /u/emilyeverafter, thanks for doing this AMA. When I saw your post, I realized that I had never really considered the extent to which disabled people, by and large, are sexual beings. Given that I seem to be close to the norm based on your post, what do you think the are the best ways to raise awareness about the issue (aside from an AMA, obviously)? Isn't this also a problem because of how we tend to lump the "disabled" in a group together when that could potentially describe a wide range of physical and cognitive issues?

Along those lines, and this is a moral issue that might not really be in the scope of what you want to talk about, but in a more specific case -- a friend of mine, after agonizing about it for years, chose to sterilize his disabled daughter who suffered from far more complex disability than what you are presenting -- as I recall, she had a genetic condition that left her IQ level at that of a four year old permanently and dramatically stunted her growth. She was legally incompetent to consent to anything, let alone a hysterectomy, but I hadn't really considered her agency, diminished as it might be, until you posted this. Do you think such a procedure, where meaningful consent is impossible due to capacity issues, is ever morally/ethically permissible? I guess the main reason I'm asking this is because it is a question I am unable to come to any clear answer on in this first impression of it.

Anyway, that is a lot to answer, but thank you for doing this, taking your time to discuss these issues with us, and answering any/all of the above.

emilyeverafter53 karma

Okay, I'm gonna try to answer all this in one go, I'm so sorry if I miss a question! Just point it out if I do! Thanks for the thoughtful reply!

what do you think the are the best ways to raise awareness about the issue (aside from an AMA, obviously)?

We gimped people need a bit of sexual revolution, if you ask me. Some public movement. Not as flashy as a gay pride parade, but there needs to be a huge awareness campaign done, not just more disabled porn stars or anything, in my opinion.

Isn't this also a problem because of how we tend to lump the "disabled" in a group together when that could potentially describe a wide range of physical and cognitive issues?

Just my opinion again, but yes and no. I think grouping us together is great to create a sense of solidarity when most disabled teens grow up in predominantly able-bodied communities and they feel very alone. I do think the blanket term helps the able-bodied population understand the magnitude of the problems disabled people face.

But yes, there is a problem with autonomy. I prefer to be called "Emily" over "disabled girl", but if I'm speaking in a way where my disability is extremely relevant and non-ignorable, like in this AMA, I prefer "disabled girl" over "girl with cerebral palsy" just because it's easier for able-bodied people to relate to that term.

Along those lines, and this is a moral issue that might not really be in the scope of what you want to talk about, but in a more specific case -- a friend of mine, after agonizing about it for years, chose to sterilize his disabled daughter who suffered from far more complex disability than what you are presenting -- as I recall, she had a genetic condition that left her IQ level at that of a four year old permanently and dramatically stunted her growth. She was legally incompetent to consent to anything, let alone a hysterectomy, but I hadn't really considered her agency, diminished as it might be, until you posted this. Do you think such a procedure, where meaningful consent is impossible due to capacity issues, is ever morally/ethically permissible?

I think it's always ethically permissible in cases with such diminished cognitive capacity and I really commend your friend for doing it. I find myself thinking of people with down syndrome. They are wonderful human beings capable of leading very fulfilling lives. Often, they will form relationships and have sex, but very few of them could care for an infant and some of them are incapable of understanding that sex leads to pregnancy, let alone what safe sex is.

In these cases, I think the best thing is either an IUD or complete sterilization. It's wonderful to spread the message, as a parent, that no matter what your disability is, you have a right to be sexual as you deem fit. Even this woman with the cognitive capacity of a four year old may have sexual urges that cannot be sated by masturbation alone. In these cases, it is wonderful to be permitting of sexual contact while helping your child avoid the consequence of becoming pregnant, especially when they cannot understand or manage contraception by themselves.

Immortal_Azrael51 karma

Do you find yourself having to be the one to make the first move due to people perceiving you as a non-sexual being?

emilyeverafter78 karma

ALL the time.

I've only had one guy in my entire dating history be the one to make the first move, and what do you know, he ended up being one of the few people I've fallen in love with my entire life.

Immortal_Azrael28 karma

What kind of reactions do you usually get? Do you face a lot of rejection and if so are people insensitive about it?

emilyeverafter72 karma

A lot of rejection, yes.

A lot of the time, it will be done for my piercings and tattoos, which people are open to admitting. When it's my disability, they're a lot more tongue-tied and I just say,

"Look, man, I get it. Dating someone with a medical condition is a big, scary thing, but I can hold hands just fine if you wanna give that a shot and see how it feels. If not, no hard feelings!"

And there really aren't any hard feelings. I might laugh at the idea of someone rejecting me for my minor handicap because, really, the same dude who has rejected me due to my handicap has gone on to date a person with unmedicated borderline personality disorder. They get violent and dangerous, but apparently that is somehow more manageable than my weird way of walking?

I've only had two people be especially insensitive about dating and my disability, but they only got nasty after I rejected them.

And...Yeesh. They were just strange, messed up people in general. I might to tell the stories if I have time to write a novel later.

Dorskind41 karma

It's a bit of an image problem. Dating a disabled girl projects 1 of 3 images:

  1. The guy can't find a "normal" girl to go out with him.

  2. He's taking advantage of a disabled girl.

  3. He isn't superficial and likes her despite the disability.

Unfortunately, more often than not the outside world will assume it's 1 or 2.

emilyeverafter24 karma

I completely agree and it saddens me.

Wannabebunny-5 karma

Going to have to correct you. People with borderline personality disorder take their anger out on themselves, self harm and repeated suicide attempts being part of the main diagnostic criteria. Antisocial personality disorder is what you're thinking of. Even then people with mental illness are at increased risk of receiving violence, not giving it. I have BPD unmedicated for 7 years now and have never been physically violent except in self defense. The hard part is telling myself that it's ok to defend myself from harm. BPD includes chronic low self worth and disturbed sense of identity, we're very suggestible so all the misinformation out there about us makes it way harder. I have a hard enough time convincing myself that I'm worthy of love or even life without being everybodies boogyman.

emilyeverafter11 karma

Unfortunately, I do study psychology and I understand why you're saying this, but I only said that the girl was violent because I knew her, and yes, she was very violent. Also confirmed diagnosis was borderline.

My best friend has anti-social personality disorder and he is non-violent.

Mental illness manifests in very different forms, just like physical disablities.

Wannabebunny-15 karma

I'd argue that they have been misdiagnosed. I also studied psychology for obvious reasons. Personality disorders are frequently misdiagnosed, especially in women who are actually found to have ADHD, can have adverse reactions to medication because of the quantity of co-morbid symptoms. Also rarely a lone diagnosis, it's usually BPD with depression or another illness. Anecdotal evidence isn't acceptable evidence.

emilyeverafter7 karma

But therapy and diagnoses are ALL based on the patient telling the psychologist anecdotes about their feelings and their lives...

Either way, sorry to have clearly offended you.

Wannabebunny-11 karma

You have, I nearly died last year because of believing I was toxic and hurting people just by existing because I have BPD. Took an overdose and if it wasn't for a neighbour noticing something was off and calling for help, my children would be orphaned. Be very careful how you portray the mentally ill. Some of us can't help but believe what we read about ourselves.

Other than that good luck with becoming a sex therapist. It's a topic I'm passionate about myself.

emilyeverafter11 karma

I am also mentally ill and have attempted suicide multiple times, if my anecdotes about that are acceptable.

I said nothing about you personally.

I only spoke of one girl with BPD who I once knew.

Thank you for your well wishes.

bumblebritches57-12 karma

the same dude who has rejected me due to my handicap has gone on to date a person with unmedicated borderline personality disorder.

You seem salty tbh

emilyeverafter11 karma

I'm more sassy than salty. I'm dating someone different right now and I'm happy. I just laugh at how strange that time of my life was.

amalgaman38 karma

When you talk about disabilities, do you focus on physical disabilities? I have a 19 year old female high school student with Downs who is clearly horny and everyone thinks I'm nuts for saying that.

emilyeverafter30 karma

Nope! Sex is for everyone! I have written papers on sex and down's syndrome before and you're absolutely correct, people with down's are totally able to feel arousal and have normal sexual relationships.


Anybody every confuse you with somebody walking like a gangster?

emilyeverafter19 karma


No. I'm 5'0 100lbs. Nobody mistakes little ol' Emily for a straight up G )=

CoSonfused23 karma

Earlier you said this.

"Look, man, I get it. Dating someone with a medical condition is a big, scary thing, but I can hold hands just fine if you wanna give that a shot and see how it feels. If not, no hard feelings!"

That's so true. Without going into much detail, I'm also not as healthy/capable as I want to be. I never was very popular, got sick in a very bad time social development wise (early teens). Over the years I got it in my head that nobody wants to date someone with a serious disability. I can juuuuust take care of myself, why should I expect that someone would do this for me when it gets worse (not if, when). Kids, my own or hers, are also out of the question. Because genetics are a bitch and again, how am I'm going to take care of them? Love is a two way street, giving and taking. And the way I see it, I'll be on the taker side a lot. Just 'giving' my love isn't exactly going to cut it, you know?

So in order to convince someone that, "hey, let's hold hands and try this thing?" how do I convince myself?

emilyeverafter30 karma

Loving yourself is, unfortunately, not a process than can be outlined and instructed to you, my dear. I wish you the best of luck, but it's something you must discover for yourself.

I know many people with terminal illnesses, mental illnesses, and disabilities like my own that have had children and happy marriages, but before someone else could love them, they had to believe in their own worth.

israel21021 karma

Hi there, so when did you realize you were into kink stuff? Have you done any of that stuff with your sexual partners? And who is your favorite male / female pornstar? Greetings!! :D

emilyeverafter67 karma

I like gay porn and honestly I haven't found one man who I like better than the rest. Mostly I just look at gifs because I find that too many porn videos have bad music, haha!

My last boyfriend experimented with kink for me, but it wasn't his thing so we stopped. I do play on occasion just to get the pent-up hunger out of my system. Anything that involves being slapped, choked, spanked, or burned is fun in my book. I also like blindfolds and cuffs, of course, but I hate ball gags.

Play is something I do outside of sexual contexts, so I'm usually the only one naked, I don't orgasm, nobody touches my genital area, I don't get to touch anyone else. I'm just a toy.

The few times that my last boyfriend did try to play with me during sex, he only choked and slapped me. Nothing very kinky. I tried to get him to bite my nipples, but he wasn't into it.

I've known I was into kink since I was very young. Maybe six or seven? I didn't know what sex was, but I knew that I loved watching cartoons where the bad guy would tie up the girl, beat her to the point of bruising, and leave her there while he went off to do villain stuff. When I would play pretend with my friends, I'd always want one of them to be the villain while I was a hostage.

When I started touching myself sexually, I would do so thinking about those things, and it wasn't until I was fifteen and I googled "I think I'm into being hurt" that I realized it was a normal, healthy thing that many people participate in!

adrienlatapie16 karma

What kind of cartoons did you watch? D:

emilyeverafter17 karma

Why do you wanna know? ;)

israel2103 karma

Hey all of that sounds fun, thanks for answering :)

emilyeverafter5 karma

Thanks for asking!

toyskeleton20 karma

As a 21 year old male with cerebral palsy, you are the second person I have seen who isn't completely disabled by it. I have so many questions! But I'll only ask a few.

What has been your most difficult challenge to overcome with it? How does it affect your day to day behavior? (making breakfast, coffee, playing videogames. etc)

emilyeverafter24 karma


So. Much. Falling.

Falling in the shower, in the bathroom, while making coffee, while making food, while walking to the living room, while trying to dance, just any action you can imagine doing--I have fallen during said action.

My most difficult challenge is probably shoes. I can't tie them, I can't put them on or take them off without sitting, but I need them to walk at my best.

Video games I'm just bad at. My fingers suck and I really can't play any game really well. I just do it because I love a good story.

toyskeleton13 karma

Thank you for sharing!

I have similar issues, even though mine only affects my right arm and leg. I walk with a slight limp, really bad if I'm tired, and my hand usually stays stuck in a fist/semi-fist.

I have to sit to put on my shoes as well! I never realized it until you said it. I also have pretty terrible balance because I basically live my life lopsided.

emilyeverafter12 karma

It's a weird life isn't it?

Thank you for sharing!

Prinsn17 karma

Proof here I think the sloppy handwriting is proof enough that I'm handicapped, but if you need more, I'll try to find some. I can't really imagine what would prove it, though.

Better than mine, and I don't have an excuse ._.

emilyeverafter23 karma


SnibStar16 karma

What do you think about Zach Anner? I mean, that's assuming you know who he is...

emilyeverafter19 karma




Yes, we have the sexiest of the palsies.

1978Throwaway1213 karma

Why is sex so important to you that you want to devote your life to it?

emilyeverafter54 karma

I don't know.

I like sex, I like psychology, I like learning about the psychology of sex. My queer friends come to me when they need help getting out of the closet, my virgin friends come to me when they need information on how to go about having sex, and I love being trusted like that.

I just want to keep being an open-minded, trustworthy person for anyone who wasn't raised in a sex-positive household, ya know?

Sneaton139 karma

Wow, you're really cool. You must be a really great friend!

emilyeverafter8 karma

Thank you so much! I'm blushing!

Yung211213 karma

A simple one, what are your best flirting techniques?

And a more complex one, since this world is very VERY messed up, do you find yourself being sometimes harrased/bullied by your conditions? If so, how do you usuallly handle it? Has this happened during any kind of love/sex interest? Sorry if the question is a bit messed up

Thanks for the AMA!

emilyeverafter24 karma

Hahaha, I just typed an answer to this question, kind of!

To copy and paste:

"I've only had two people be especially insensitive about dating and my disability, but they only got nasty after I rejected them.

And...Yeesh. They were just strange, messed up people in general. I might to tell the stories if I have time to write a novel later."

But about bullying outside of sexual scenarios? All the time. Classmates, even a couple of teachers, my sisters when we were younger and they were embarrassed about being seen with me in public...

You're right, it is a messed up world. I used to be suicidal and depressed about it all, but now I cope by studying philosophy and making sick, twisted jokes about my own handicap. I figure that if people are going to laugh at me, I should beat them to the punch and have more fun than they would. It's worked wonders thus far!

Flirting though...

Sorry I don't have a more interesting answer, but when I flirt, I usually don't mention my disability in fear of scaring the attractive male target away, hahaha!

I'm into video games so I'll usually try to make a few horrible gaming puns to start conversation. My best thus far has been sexual innuendo about someone showing me "his falchion blade" in order to prove that he is the prince of Ylisse.

dictatorchina5 karma

I'm into video games so I'll usually try to make a few horrible gaming puns to start conversation. My best thus far has been sexual innuendo about someone showing me "his falchion blade" in order to prove that he is the prince of Ylisse.


emilyeverafter6 karma


emilyeverafter11 karma

It would seem as though the AMA was deleted because there is not enough proof that I am disabled. I do not know how to prove this because I walk independently and have nothing that explicitly says "I am a confirmed handicap"

Silly. It seems as though my replies here should be proof enough that I know what my body is like.

Regardless, I have enjoyed my time here and I thank the redditors who asked good questions. Good night everyone.

a_frayn11 karma

You say you're into kink, and you say you've only had two consensual partners. What is/are your top fantasies?

emilyeverafter39 karma

Well, I have play partners. Last night I was burned by a cigarette and spanked with a metal spoon, so that was fun.

But as far as actual sex goes, yeah. Only two men have been good enough to me to make it that far.

My top fantasy is definitely a threesome between myself and two bisexual men. I would love to share a dick with a hot guy, I have a thing for bisexual dudes, and I love giving head and receiving anal, so I think I'd fit right into that scene.

My second fantasy is most definitely consensual non-consent, otherwise known as rape play. I want to come home from work someday only to have my boyfriend pin me against the wall, drag me to the couch by my hair, and "rape" me.

Unfortunately, even the kinky people I've met in real life have refused to "rape" a disabled girl. It feels "too wrong" to them.

Kuryer34 karma

To be frank, it's extremely dangerous for a male to engage in rape play. The current cultural environment in the west encourages accusations against men, and there are very few repercussions against women for making these sorts of accusations. The plus side is that actual victims feel more empowered to speak up, but the down side is that truly despicable and opportunistic people have ruined a lot of lives simply because their past decisions became inconvenient or embarrassing, or worse, they became vengeful against their previous partner for some reason. Because of this shift, men need to be primarily concerned with trusting their partner over exploring kinks. Women have the power to ruin a life with a few words. Men rarely if ever have this power. I'm not saying that you would be someone who would do this to a partner, but these days, it takes an extreme amount of trust on the part of the male, and if the female is disabled in any way, and your partner thinks there may be any marks left afterwards (I think you've mentioned burning for example), and your partner has any reservations about the relationship (even if it's just that he hasn't known you for very long), it may be unreasonable to expect your partner to engage in this sort of sexual activity with you. Hopefully this gives you an insight into why so many potential partners would have a seemingly unusual level of reservation.

Oddly enough, if you would like to incorporate your kinks sooner rather than later, my best recommendation would be to incorporate filming yourselves. If you're already into kink, then taking video of consent, agreement of safe words, and the sexual activity itself can not only work as "protection," in a sense (think of it as a condom for protection against lies on either side), for both parties, but it also has the obvious upside of being a turn on for one or both of you later. The primary downside is the possibility that it can be distributed against your will if the relationship ends. Again, this is a trust issue, but you will have to weigh up the lesser of two evils here. You will have to have a frank discussion with your partner about pros and cons of this "safety measure." This may sound odd to some people, but with the way things are going, this may be the best way to handle things in the absence of getting to know someone long term first.

emilyeverafter22 karma

I actually agree with all your points and I will take filming into consideration. There's nothing I want more than for my partners to trust me completely when I consent.

gwba11 karma


emilyeverafter12 karma

I will not be doing one as I am not an exhibitionist, sorry!

gwba5 karma


person717810 karma

You tried :(

gwba5 karma


emilyeverafter34 karma

G'aw shucks. Take me out for a beer first, reddit.

RunPastTrouble9 karma

Hi. I teach sex ed to teenagers through a program called "Our Whole Lives" have you heard of it? This program has a section on disabled people and their sexual needs. It is interesting to read your comments, and I hope I can include some of your comments in our class discussion.

emilyeverafter3 karma

Please do! I haven't heard of your program but I would love to know more! Please PM me!

Relgabrix9 karma

Interesting and fascinating. Nothing but respect for you opening up and expressing yourself and being truly unique in breaking stereotypes.

As you aren't the kind of person to be offended, and I hope you understand I'm not here to give offense, what are your legitimate thoughts on heavily disabled people procreating? Is your body fully functional for pregnancy, if so, what is the risk your child would also carry any disabilities/risks to you as the mother?

emilyeverafter13 karma

I have seen one documentary on two parents with cerebral palsy and I was screaming the entire time. I did not like the way they held their baby, I did not feel comfortable with them as parents, but they already had one son who was school-age and he had turned out fine. Even if I didn't like their parenting skills, they obviously didn't hurt their children.

I personally do not like children, do not like the idea of motherhood, and do not want to procreate ever. However, my back is already terribly arched and painful and I can't imagine pregnancy would make it any better so I do believe that even if I were to become pregnant, I'd have to get an abortion for my own wellbeing.

Relgabrix4 karma

Honest and straightforward answer - exactly what I hoped to hear from you after reading the rest of your AMA.

Thank you, while a lot of your kinks aren't quite what I'm into (can't do constented non-consent) , I wish you the best finding your happily ever after!

emilyeverafter9 karma

That's fine. We probably wouldn't have sex anyways. This is the internet =)

BatXDude9 karma


emilyeverafter22 karma

It is awesome. Everyone should try it.

BatXDude4 karma

How does that work in your case?

emilyeverafter16 karma

Ah, well, I can't bend over and spread, so the male usually just has me lay down on my back and helps me get my legs over his shoulder while he stands at the edge of the bed.

It looks weird, but it works!

birdmommy7 karma

The province of Ontario is putting a program in place for the disabled to be able to hire and pay who they want as their support workers (I don't really know all the details, sorry). Have you considered speaking publicly about the desire/need to be able to class sex workers (not sex therapists - I know there's a difference!) :) as care providers/support workers? Do you feel that simplifying access to sex workers would be beneficial for many disabled people?

emilyeverafter11 karma

I think what Ontario is doing is absolutely awesome. I think just a cuddle buddy or a standard sex worker could work wonders for many disabled individuals who are lonely and incapable of finding sexual partners. I'd love to speak out about it publicly. I do a lot of public speaking, but my rural community is still very shy about sex and so I can't do many sex-themed talks.

PaulbunyanIND5 karma

Have you thought of going away to a college-town with supports for people and open mindedness? Oh and boys boys boys? Do your parents know about your passion? Best of luck! Do you use people first language?

emilyeverafter6 karma

I have thought about it, but I do not have the money for it, sadly.

My parents have heard that I want to be a sex therapist, they don't know how passionate I am about sex, and they just don't talk about it.

I do not understand your last question, sorry!

Zhangar5 karma

I study Pedagogy (Human Development) in my first year and we are touching the area of Sex and Sexuality right now, which includes everything to children and to multi handicapped people.

We recently watched an interview with a man who had cerebral palsy and used an electric wheelchair and he talked about his sex life, which was illuminating at least. He had a "boyfriend" who came over once in a while and when it was time to do the deed, they actually had a helper, who would help them change positions etc. and then leave the room until he was called upon again.

And since prostitution is completely legal here, there is a very niche market for handicapped people, and the guy even admitted to using prostitutes as well.

Since you live in a country where there is less focus on welfare (than mine), what do you think are the future prospects for handicapped people and their sexual endeavors? I reference to the fact prostitution is illegal too.

Since you mentioned gaming, what are some games you like to play and what games do you look forward to? And are there games you cannot play because of your disability?

You also mentioned that you had "two consensual partners". Does this mean that you had non-consensual ones too?

In any case, I wish you the best of luck in your sexual adventures, both academically and personally! Sex is a very important part of our lives and almost essential to our being.

emilyeverafter3 karma

Prostiution is legal in Canada and our welfare system is actually pretty good, but I do think we could be doing better for handicapped people and sexual aids! That documentary sounds fascinating!

I love Dragon Age, Bioshock, Fire Emblem, and Fallout. I can't play games like Little Big Planet because my reaction time is too poor. I really look forward to the future of virtual reality!

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I answered earlier in the AMA that I did have one non-consensual partner, but it has had no lasting impact on my sexual health =)

evileddy5 karma

Are there any advantages to disabled people during sex?

Example.. having a seizure on top of a girl would be like a huge vibrator for her?

Or if a guy and gal had no legs could they do more sexual positions without the legs getting in the way?

Do blind people enjoy sex more because they can't see who they are with?

I have a fantasy of having sex with a double leg amputee.. but unless I MAKE it happen.. it won't happen.

emilyeverafter14 karma

Nothing wrong with being a devotee! A lot of us really enjoy gaining the attention of disability fetishists. Don't give up either! Look on Fetlife. The city of Toronto also has organized an orgy for disabled people in the past.

Nothing about having a seizure during sex is pleasant, from what I've read and talked about with people. Seizures aren't what movies portray them to be. Less shaking, more full-body muscle-lock.

If two people without legs had sex, I'm sure they could do a lot of fun stuff without legs being in the way, yeah! I also think it would be harder to balance and hold yourself close to someone's body if you didn't have your legs helping you do that, so it would have benefits and drawbacks just like every disability.

From what I understand, blind people enjoy dating more because they focus more on smells and sounds than fixating on small appearance details in a partner. They also really get to know the personalities of their partners. I had one guy tell me "every girl I've ever been with, I get to know on an extremely personal level before we have sex. By the time we do, she's already a solid ten to me because I've analyzed what makes her voice get excited, what makes her nervous, how she laughs...That kind of stuff."

Sex itself though? They tend to feel very anxious and afraid because they can't see if they're doing everything right. It's much harder to find a clit when you can't see the labia. Things like sweat and fat rolls are probably going to make a blind person extremely self-conscious because they can feel them all day, but if their sex partner is sighted, that partner probably won't notice as many blemishes because they're too busy admiring the awesomeness that is a naked body in front of them.

evileddy2 karma

Wow! Thank you for the response!

I never knew of FETlife until now! My fantasy shall become reality!

Thank you for doing this AMA, good luck to you and you are doing amazing work!

emilyeverafter3 karma

Hey no problem! Welcome to Fetlife!

Zyoneatslyons4 karma

My son was diagnosed with mild CP. Do you recommend any exercises to help him loosen up his left hand? It seems to tighten up a lot, and he doesn't want to use it. Another quick question, do you have any ideas on how we can work more effectively with him to talk? (or start talking) Thanks :)

emilyeverafter3 karma

I don't know much about this at all, sorry. I was very young when I did physiotherapy and I don't remember much of the specific exercises I did.

garsy994 karma

who wins in a fight between Catwoman and the Joker and how? no weapons allowed

emilyeverafter10 karma



Does raw sex appeal count as a weapon?

mixedveggies4 karma

Thank you so much for this fascinating information! I wanted to share with you my friend's lingerie fashion line Rebirth Garments that focuses on making sexy things for trans/queer people and for with disabilities. Are there any sexy clothes/lingerie that you wish you could wear but don't cater to your body and abilities?

emilyeverafter2 karma

Nope, thanks though! Front-hooking bras do wonders for me!

It is hard to find corset-like tops that don't need to be tied, but I manage.

Nixie94 karma

I've taught a very tiny amount of sex ed for people with disabilities. I'm very much a fan of it.

How do you feel the sex ed given to you was different to your able bodied peers?

What do you feel needs to be added to the standard sex ed program to cater for those with physical disabilities?

emilyeverafter10 karma

Well, as I mentioned in a previous reply, I did all my sex ed in the same classrooms as my able-bodied peers. I definitely got the same lesson: STIs are scary and pregnancy is the worst thing ever, or so the curriculum said.

I feel like the sex ed system as a whole needs to be changed so kids learn about sex at a younger age, they learn that it's not just for making babies--it's actually pleasurable!--and they learn that, while it's important to be very safe, most STIs are not going to kill them.

They need to learn about transgender people, transvestites, transsexual people, and how they're all very different.

They need to learn that everyone has sexual thoughts and everyone can have sex to some extent, men with men, women with women, disabled people, old people, everyone, and that having sex for the first time isn't necessarily as glorious as they think.

debitcreddit3 karma

How are your feelings on dirty talk during sex?

ex. Yeah.. you like that? You fucking retard?

..reddit meme for the uninclined

emilyeverafter6 karma

Oh my god. This TIFU post.

I laughed when it was posted and showed it to my boyfriend and said "babe, why aren't you this good to me?"

bullintheheather3 karma

What will future sex be like? Will it hover?

emilyeverafter5 karma


LanceDragonDance3 karma

Is it cool if I masturbate to this?

emilyeverafter3 karma

I cannot stop you.


Got any gaming tattoos?

emilyeverafter9 karma

Nope! I might get a Dragon Age or Bioshock one someday, but I'm still scared that I'll grow up to hate video games when I become a real adult.

greenmachine093 karma

Have you ever done a radio or television show about this, such as a question and answer period ( other than this obviously)? If not, I would enjoy listening to such a topic being discussed between a wide variety of people..

emilyeverafter5 karma

I have not, since I'm just a kid from a small town who nobody really knows and nobody has shown an interest in my opinions before.

Thanks for your endorsement!

greenmachine093 karma

Just isn't something I believe deserves any placement in your description.. I'm honestly impressed! I work with some people getting into special education and helping students with disabilities and this is one topic that isn't discussed enough! You should definitely reach out to some professionals that may be interested in hosting you sometime. And don't be afraid to go big.. you never know what may happen

emilyeverafter3 karma

I actually am looking to get one year of volunteer experience so I can go and get my master's degree in sexual psychology. If you know of anywhere that might accept me as a volunteer, let me know!

BelieveInRollins2 karma

is that a sons of anarchy book on your shelf or am i blind?

emilyeverafter8 karma


I love Sons of Anarchy. I love it so much.

puravidaamigo2 karma

Hello, first of all you are very pretty! i guess my question is was it awkward to lose your virginity? or do you often find yourself having to convince guys that you are capable to have sex as many handicaps are extremely misunderstood?

emilyeverafter6 karma

Very awkward. My muscles are naturally spastic and tight and my vaginal muscles are even worse. Combine that with virginity and being nervous...

It was almost impossible.

And you have no idea how many men think that I'm somehow a non-sexual being. It's crazy!

puravidaamigo3 karma

I feel like muscle spasms and tightness in the vaginal region would be a good thing...anyway thank you for answering. Honestly i know a woman who also has cerebral palsy and shes very disabled from it so all of this is really enlightening for me. Obviously i know severity is case to case but i kinda just always assumed.

emilyeverafter8 karma

They're fun for the guy, bad for the girl who has to have the pain of squeezing something fairly sizeable into a very tight hole.

rolandboard2 karma

What are your thoughts on people with severe cognitive disabilities (meaning people who require a caretaker and/or legal guardian) and their right to reproduce?

emilyeverafter12 karma

I do not believe there is such a thing as a right to reproduce, is there?

Either way, if someone cannot take care of his or herself, I personally believe that they should not care for an infant.

synergy_192 karma

thoughts on Trump? Especially when he took the piss out of that disabled reporter

think I need to end this with a question mark, so?

emilyeverafter19 karma

I am Canadian, I have lovely Mr. Trudeau to keep my disabled ass safe from Trump, and I quite frankly hate everything that man stands for.

AKA_BigTaco1 karma

Are you using any kind of birth control? Sorry if this has been asked or a dumb question.

emilyeverafter4 karma


No periods, 98.9% effective, five years of protection. It is the best form of birth control in my humble opinion.

ch0d31 karma

Have you ever found yourself as the but of a bad sex joke? As in somebody having sex with you just to take advantage of the fact that they banged a handicapped person.

Thank you for your time and doing this a.m. if there's not enough information

emilyeverafter3 karma

Nope, thankfully I've never been in that situation. I am, however, very careful about who I have sex with.

MattyD1231 karma

Have you ever had any sexual experiences with other handicapped individuals? Would you consider it a fetish if another handicapped person were interested in you because you had a disability?

emilyeverafter2 karma

I wouldn't consider it a fetish, I would understand why he felt attracted to me (I mean, we share a very isolating struggle that not many people understand), but I would consider it offensive if he liked me for no other reason than my disability.

That being said, I have never had a sexual experience with another disabled person.

OuchLOLcom0 karma

Real talk. Why should anyone take sex advise from someone with cerebral palsy? How can you relate to our experiences?

emilyeverafter2 karma

Um, because I have had sex with able-bodied men?

michie05-1 karma

Where do I sign up to have sex with a handicapped girl?