Kuryer

To be frank, it's extremely dangerous for a male to engage in rape play. The current cultural environment in the west encourages accusations against men, and there are very few repercussions against women for making these sorts of accusations. The plus side is that actual victims feel more empowered to speak up, but the down side is that truly despicable and opportunistic people have ruined a lot of lives simply because their past decisions became inconvenient or embarrassing, or worse, they became vengeful against their previous partner for some reason. Because of this shift, men need to be primarily concerned with trusting their partner over exploring kinks. Women have the power to ruin a life with a few words. Men rarely if ever have this power. I'm not saying that you would be someone who would do this to a partner, but these days, it takes an extreme amount of trust on the part of the male, and if the female is disabled in any way, and your partner thinks there may be any marks left afterwards (I think you've mentioned burning for example), and your partner has any reservations about the relationship (even if it's just that he hasn't known you for very long), it may be unreasonable to expect your partner to engage in this sort of sexual activity with you. Hopefully this gives you an insight into why so many potential partners would have a seemingly unusual level of reservation.

Oddly enough, if you would like to incorporate your kinks sooner rather than later, my best recommendation would be to incorporate filming yourselves. If you're already into kink, then taking video of consent, agreement of safe words, and the sexual activity itself can not only work as "protection," in a sense (think of it as a condom for protection against lies on either side), for both parties, but it also has the obvious upside of being a turn on for one or both of you later. The primary downside is the possibility that it can be distributed against your will if the relationship ends. Again, this is a trust issue, but you will have to weigh up the lesser of two evils here. You will have to have a frank discussion with your partner about pros and cons of this "safety measure." This may sound odd to some people, but with the way things are going, this may be the best way to handle things in the absence of getting to know someone long term first.

I'm not sure if you see it this way, but in the end, sharing a kink with someone can be like sharing any other deep part of yourself (oh God, puns not necessarily intended). It requires a great deal of trust, and when it goes right, it can be an incredible experience to share and connect with someone. But when it goes wrong, it's like any other betrayal. It's just that some betrayals have worse repercussions than others. Anyway, you sound like a fantastic person and I hope you find somebody who will pin you against the wall and lovingly choke, slap, and fuck the shit out of you. Maybe even two somebodies ;)