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I grew up with blind parents, AMA!
I was asked to do an AMA on a thread about blind people a few months ago, so here it is. I've noticed there's a lot of misconceptions about everyday life with blind people, so I hope this can clear some of it up.
A photo of my mum's very confused looking dog: http://imgur.com/0EpzySa I did have other proof up bur removed it to protect my identity. Obligatory edit: Thank you so much for the replies and the gold
EDIT: Please stop with the 'How did they meet, was it love at first sight huehuehuhee' 'How do they wipe' 'How do they fuck' type questions. I answered them all seriously but honestly they're starting to grate a little now when it's every third fucking question, c'mon.
EDIT 2: I'm female. I know most of you are assuming I'm not, but yep, definitely female.
EDIT 3: I NEVER MASTURBATED IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS, CAN YOU PLEASE ALL STOP ASKING
Edit 4: I'm off to bed for the night, but will answer all remaining questions in the morning. This has been a lot of fun and thanks again for the amazing responses!
Edit 5: As fun as this has been, I have exams to think about, so I won't be answering very many more questions, I'll have a skim through them but I'll ignore the ones that have already been answered. However if you have any more questions, feel free to PM me :)
MetalWorker2052 karma
Were you able to get away with a lot, or were your parents still able to tell when you did something you weren't supposed to?
Kerily3356 karma
I'll be honest here: I got away with murder. When I was a lot younger, I'd put things like sweets into the shopping trolley, or take biscuits before my dinner, or get up and read in the middle of the night (crazy right?).
The worst I did was something I still feel bad about today, even though I didn't get away with it. It was the night before my mum was starting her physiotherapists job, and she'd laid her uniform out, including the speciality physiotherapists tunic, which had to be worn. I, being the shitty 7 year old that I was, sneaked into her room and wrote 'mummy has a smelly bum' in big letters on the back of her tunic in blue felt pen. Apparently it was a great ice breaker with her new colleagues, but I got into a lot of trouble that day.
Kerily1077 karma
I did put a bee in the washing up water once. My mum was terrified of bees. I was an awful child.
grass__hopper2041 karma
Did you ever walk around naked in your house because, you know, they couldn't see you?
Kerily2473 karma
It was.. all.... a lie? And that was how I learned how my parents took benefit fraud to the extreme.
GilbertCode1901 karma
Hi. Thanks for doing this AMA. Do you think electric cars are a danger for blind people as they almost make no noise at all?
Kerily2640 karma
Definitely. My Dad's almost been hit several times by electric cars. I've heard that some of them have fake engine noises for this very reason.
Dartser1579 karma
Are one of your parents much better looking than the other? Do you ever wonder if they could have landed the other one if they were able to see them?
MizzleFoShizzle1493 karma
What is the number one misconception you have encountered that people have about the blind?
Kerily2000 karma
The first question I get asked is usually 'How do they cook?' Aside from them guessing/me reading out cooking instructions, there's no difference. Also, most people assume they don't work, or that I do every single little thing for them. They're very far from helpless.
amazondrone1041 karma
So in the interest of clearing up some misconceptions, how do they do it? For example, when I'm pouring boiling water from a kettle to a saucepan, I can tell when to stop pouring because the food is covered or the pan is nearly full. What about cleaning up, how can they tell whether a surface needs wiping; maybe they just wipe it anyway?
Can you identify any other specific things that are more challenging and how they deal with them, or anything you notice that they do in a different way to you or others because of being blind?
I ask because I'm really interested, in case you couldn't tell. Thanks for the AMA. :)
Edit: grammar.
Kerily1559 karma
My mum can tell by the sound of the reverberating water hitting the pot, my Dad just sticks his finger in and waits until the water touches it (dem useful callouses). My mum just wipes all the surfaces, and goes back over them if they still feel gritty/sticky. I don't really notice them do anything differently. I'm sure they do but I can't think of any specific examples. I'll come back to you though :)
moodatm1230 karma
How did you get around places since both parents were blind? Did you car pool, take a bus, etc?
Kerily1590 karma
My Gran would drive me to most places, or I would walk. My Gran's a bit old to drive now, so I've taken over the driving responsibility. When I go to uni, my parents and sister are planning to move to a more central location so that public transport is more accessible. (Where we currently live, there's no bus service.)
TheSexBob-ombs518 karma
Because you had parents with disabilities, would/did the DMV allow you to acquire a license at an earlier age?
Kerily818 karma
In Britain, I think it's only people with shortened life expectancies that are allowed to take their test a year early (although I could be wrong), so no.
Kindern435 karma
It's nothing to do with shortened life expectancies, it's if you're receiving disability living allowance at the higher rate, you can apply for your provisional licence three months before your 16th birthday if you get the higher rate DLA.
Kerily1692 karma
Oh god yes. I remember all of my mum's dogs, and all but one of my dad's. There was one that was the same age as me - my Dad finished training with her when I was around 6 months old, she died when I was thirteen, that was difficult. When the dogs retired, they went to live with my Gran (aside from one that we had to retire early), who lived down the road, so I got the benefit of still seeing them on a daily basis, but the excitement of a new dog.
Kerily2216 karma
I tend to use my hearing a lot more in social situations than others would, for example, a lot of the time I will rely first on hearing traffic when crossing a road, then look just to make sure. Occasionally when I'm walking close to someone and there's a high kerb, I'll say 'step down' or something to that effect without thinking. I'll also walk around in the dark a lot at home, as when I was younger, my parents didn't bother switching the lights on after dark, so maybe my spatial awareness is slightly better.
Kerily1494 karma
My mum would make up stories for me, or play audiobooks, or read braille books, although we only had a few of these. I was very quick at learning to read though, my mum would encourage me to pick out the letters on signposts and food packets and my Dad would get me to read out computer pages that were difficult to navigate with the screenreader.
Josephdirte877 karma
This may sound silly but it was the first thing I thought of if I were to grow up with blind parents; When a teacher would have students make gifts for their parents on mother's/father's day, did you choose to make something different that didn't rely on visual sense or just simply describe what you made to your parents?
Kerily1388 karma
In the schools I went to, we didn't really make gifts like that. We made christmas decorations a few times out of clay, so they could just feel those, and part of me thinks that as long as I was happy making whatever it was for them, they wouldn't care very much. I did get a part in a christmas concert changed once because I had a non speaking part though.
amazondrone868 karma
I did get a part in a christmas concert changed once because I had a non speaking part though.
That's great, go school! How did the change come about, did you request it?
Kerily733 karma
I was the ghost of christmas future in Scrooge. I casually pointed it out to a teacher and almost immediately was given the part of Jacob Marley.
Dvhofheins834 karma
What is it like having your parents not know what you look like? Any funny or emotional experiences? Things like them dressing you when you were growing up.
Kerily315 karma
I answered this earlier but people have been asking so I'll answer it now. I had an odd dress sense as a child as I essentially chose my own clothes. I would also cut my own hair. As they don't base much on appearance, they didn't really mind. Obviously to a lot of other people, looks are everything, so I think I might have been pitied a little by my friend's parents etc. I had this furry russian hat that I would wear in the summer instead of a sunhat or baseball cap or whatever, because I didn't want to be left out. Also, I was on TV once as a seven year old wearing blue psychadelic 70s-esque leggings. That was a definite mistake.
TheSpookyDukey806 karma
Please. I want to believe.
Has this, in any way shape or form, ever happened?
Kerily1858 karma
I really wish I could say no. My mum and I are of similar heights, a few years ago I was making a cup of tea and my Dad comes up behind me and slides his arms around me, I jumped, spilled tea all over him, burned him pretty badly while yelling 'DADWHATTHEFUCK' He apologised and many laughs were had.
Jdoggcrash744 karma
Was this made more awkward by the fact that you walked around naked occasionally?
Kerily1229 karma
At a tandem cycling race in 1992. My mum was 19, my dad was 26. My mum was living in Scotland at the time, around a 6 hour car journey from my Dad in Wales, so they kept in touch over the phone until they got a flat together.
SkipsH590 karma
Weird timing, both of them getting a flat like that. Did they have trouble changing the tires?
Kerily483 karma
They had to phone me up to read the instructions to allow them to change the tyre, but they understood pretty quick and were back on their way in no time.
Kerily1276 karma
I think they were curious but I don't feel I was treated differently. If anything, people were a lot more inclined to come up and start talking to me about things when we were kids, I suppose the fear of somehow offending me wasn't there. I don't know if it's changing times or whatever, but my younger sister's (9 years old) friends' parents often make excuses if their kids get invited to our house. This never happened with me as a child, but I think that the parents somehow feel that my parents would be incapable of looking after their little darlings. It might also be because we moved to a more affluent area, I don't know.
UtterlyInsane685 karma
I find myself getting angry at those parents who won't let their kids go to your parents house. Do they think that because your parents are blind they are incapable of making sure the little ones don't get murdered?
Kerily842 karma
Apparently so. You wouldn't think they'd managed to raise two normal kids.
bubblesandstuff744 karma
Was there ever anything you had to remind your parents to do for you that they wouldn't think of since they couldn't see?
Kerily987 karma
Signing consent forms was the major one, although in the end I would just sign them myself. I'm sure there are more examples like this, but that's what immediately came to mind.
BuckeyeNation10595 karma
Did you parents ever use humorous self-deprecating phrases during your time with them? Like....I'll keep an eye out for you...You're the apple of my eye...We refuse to turn a blind eye...That caught my eye?
Kerily1153 karma
'Don't pull the wool over my eyes' was a favourite of my Dad's, they love the well thought out blind jokes.
burnshimself587 karma
Do you know what the science is behind you having normal vision and both parents being blind? Were they born blind or was this an acquired condition via accident or deterioration of their vision? Also do you have any siblings that are blind?
Kerily1476 karma
My Dad had cancer as a 2 year old (Bilateral Retinoblastoma) and lost both his eyes. The form of cancer he had was hereditary, and there was a high chance I would develop it, so I went through a lot of tests as a child until some sort of final test was developed, which i took when I was 8 and found that I was clear. My sister was tested for it in utero. My mum was born without retinas, which is also hereditary but both my sister and I escaped that too.
MisplacedViking371 karma
Is it possible for you or your sister's kids to develop these? If it is, would this discourage you from having kids?
Kerily842 karma
I need to talk to them more about this because I'm not completely sure of how it works. I'm not planning on having kids anyway, but if I were thinking about it, this would definitely be a consideration. If it was my Dad's retinoblastoma, I would not have children. I would not want to put them through the suffering and pain of an aggressive childhood eye cancer. My mum's condition though, I'm not sure it would stop me. Blind people lead pretty good lives, from what I've experienced.
Ted_Bunday560 karma
Did you guys ever play hide and seek? Seriously though, was there ever an occasion where they lost you?
Kerily1089 karma
I used to have these bells that they'd velcro around my wrist, although in games of hide and seek, I'd tie them to the dog to throw them off ;) They never lost me, I was pretty sensible when we were out (I knew it would be stupid to run off and leave them etc). Interestingly, my sister was terrible as a young child when we were out, probably because I was there and there was no need for her to have the responsibility that I did. We lost her a few times, she never went far though.
thrashbandic00t471 karma
What's the biggest barrier in terms of physical accessibility to places that your parents encounter in daily life? (I.e. high curbs, non-handicap-accessible doors, inadequate braille signage or unmarked crossings, that sort of thing.)
Kerily751 karma
Crossings that don't have the tactile paving stones. It's very easy to weave off path if they're not using the dogs, and if there's no paving stones, they could potentially walk into traffic if it's a difficult junction.
LeWildest430 karma
As I understand you are not blind. Does it takes lots of effort to keep the house tidy? As i saw in the photo, there are some mess.
Kerily683 karma
Ha! That's just my room, I'm a very messy person. The rest of out house is pretty neat. My mum does most of the cleaning, I do the vaccuuming and my Gran comes over once a week to do things like clean the windows.
tubadude2271 karma
Does their navigation around the house rely on things being organized in a specific way?
Kerily736 karma
In a way. They know where everything is, but they don't lose their shit if something's moved, although my mum is constantly losing the potato peeler and her favourite knife because no-one puts it back where it should be.
Kerily1532 karma
My mum once put five spicy falafel balls into my sisters lunchbox instead of strawberries. My sister cried. It was hilarious.
JayvaUK702 karma
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Kerily280 karma
Are you sure?! I'll talk to my Dad about it when he gets home and PM you later :)
Azuii234 karma
What is the greatest life lesson that your parents have taught you? I can only imagine the things you and your parents have been through.
Kerily559 karma
Don't make stupid excuses for your failures, and there's no such word as 'can't' You can achieve almost anything if you want it badly enough.
Kerily431 karma
Pretty normal. I'd make my own breakfast usually after the age of around 6 (cereal or toast), my mum would make lunch and tea, usually things like pasta, chicken and rice, soup, curry etc. I did enjoy cooking and took over the cooking of my own meals at around 12-13.
chriss1111221 karma
I don't know how to word this, but do you feel like they are within each other's "leagues"? Like do you think one of them, had they not been blind, would be dating someone better looking than the other? I understand the attraction is there, I'm just curious.
Kerily803 karma
I think my mum is hotter than my Dad something something broken arms but I think that intellectually, they compliment each other.
Bellsie208 karma
So I'm located in the US, and it looks like you're located somewhere in the UK. What services are available to visually impaired people there?
(Both my parents are blind too so it's just curiosity)
Kerily251 karma
They both get the highest rate of DLA, Access to work (money for petrol/buses) and a free guide dog. I'm sure there are other things, but they don't use them.
ghini185 karma
When your parents explained/taught you things about the external world when you grew up, how would they do it, considering they might not really know what something actually looks like?
Kerily259 karma
They didn't really base stuff off what things looked like, although they could formulate a pretty good idea on things aesthetically by the feel of them, or how they were described in books that they'd read etc.
lmpostor150 karma
Have you ever felt like you were missing connections with your parents when, for example, you were trying to point out the most amazing looking sunset?
Kerily320 karma
Not really, my dad never really went for visual stuff but my mum always seemed to appreciate things that I would tell her about how things looked, although maybe she was just humouring me.
Kerily267 karma
I have a sister who is ten years younger than me. Kids at school were curious and generally polite, asked lots of questions and often saw it as a pretty cool thing.
SlamDunkPanda100 karma
Do you think that your parents being blind hindered your relationship with them at all?
Kerily323 karma
I don't think so. I did go through a shitty phase at around 12-13 of 'why me, why can't you drive me to places, of all the parents I had why couldn't it be you' etc, but I got over that pretty quickly. I still get frustrated occasionally if my mum can't find the potato peeler but nothing major.
dkesh231 karma
This seems to be a recurring problem in your family; you've mentioned it a few times. How often do you eat potatoes? Have you considered getting multiple peelers?
Kerily590 karma
We have multiple peelers, but there is one peeler that glides like the sweet clouds of heaven over the skins. It's highly elusive and cannot always be located. Sometimes my mum just rage quits and refuses to peel the potatoes. It is a sad day for all.
humanmeat96 karma
Growing up, what was the worst thing you did that took advantage of their condition that you may have regretted later?
Kerily198 karma
I probably took over £100 in sweets sneaked into the trolley. I sort of regret that.
coolhand262695 karma
This is a legit question that ive always wondered and i know its stupid and you prob dont have the answer..... but how does a blind person kno there done wiping?
Kerily233 karma
They do. I asked my dad this once out of curiosity. He said it's all to do with the consistency of the shit. If it's runny, he's going to need to wipe more. If it's sticky, more still. If he's had a curry the night before, he'll prepare for the explosion.
Kerily172 karma
My mum can, my Dad can't. My mum seems to sense that she's in a place, or she'll recognise it from 'seeing' objects around her. I'm not sure entirely how it works, it's kind of hard to imagine.
APersoner86 karma
How hard was it to get away with stuff? My aunt's blind and she can hear her kids misbehaving on the opposite side of the house through two closed doors!
Kerily151 karma
I learned to be quiet and sneaky. When I was young (under 5) I would put my jangly bell bracelet on the dog if I wanted to do something without being detected.
Cereborn81 karma
When you were younger, how did clothes shopping work? Did you wear clothes you knew your parents would have disapproved of if they had seen them?
Kerily237 karma
I was a somewhat eclectic child in my fashion choices, but they generally let me go with the flow. There was this fleecy russian looking hat and matching jumper I used to love to wear in the height of summer, I'm sure I have a picture of it somewhere. http://imgur.com/I7SRXgl - My mum wooking like a modern day hipster with animal crossing hair, and me in my russian hat. Taken around 1998.
truthhurtsman73 karma
Since your parents were blind did you ever sneak in boys at night and if so did they ever catch you in the act and they didn't know
Kerily187 karma
Ha, yes! When I was around 14 I had a party, one of the boys there was someone my friend had a huge crush on, and we wanted him to stay over. My mum said no, so we did a loud and theatrical goodbye to him at the gate, then he climbed the wall into our back into our back garden. My parents said after that they had known all along, but waited until 3am to burst into my room and catch us because it would have been more embarrassing for me.
As for 'catching me in the act', never ;)
Kerily272 karma
My Dad's really into amateur radios, whenever I was angry at him, I'd go and change all the frequencies.
misskay4469 karma
Do you know if your parents were expecting you to be born blind? Are people surprised that you aren't?
Kerily125 karma
I'm not sure what they were expecting. There were some seriously high odds, I'm very surprised that both me and my sister have no problems.
Kerily29 karma
I don't look like either of them. There's a running joke that I am actually the child of my mum's ex boyfriend. Although if I didn't dye my hair and wear makeup, I'd probably look more like my mum.
Waaaghette38 karma
I used to work in my school's resource center for students with disabilities and the director and his wife were both blind. They had two young kids (I believe both were sighted), and they attached small bells to the kids' shoes to keep track of where they were when they went out. Did your parents have any kind of system or tricks that they used to help them raise you?
Kerily64 karma
I had the small bells! I'd usually just wear them around the house to make it easier for my mum to find me, out of the house I was always pretty sensible.
mjabk34 karma
How do blind people know when to get off the bus without asking? Do they have to take someone to get familiar with the route or what?
Kerily65 karma
If they're in an unfamiliar area, they'll ask the driver to give them a shout when to get off. Occasionally drivers have forgotten and they've ended up in the middle of nowhere but they're generally pretty good. If they're going to be using the route regularly, they'll get me to go with them the first time and tell them where to get off.
Tixicot33 karma
How big of an influence have (guide) dogs been in your or your parents' life?
Kerily58 karma
Huge. No doubt they would have not been able to live alone when they were students without the dogs. Now it's not so essential for them, as they have me and my mad driving skills, but living alone in big towns/cities, it was necessary for them to have the dogs. My mum still takes hers to work every day.
Kerily77 karma
£20 are bigger than £10, which are bigger than £5. The coins are easy as thhey're all different sizes and weights.
Kerily187 karma
Picture the scene. It is a warm April eve. The sun is setting below the horizon. Dust is swirling in the air of the damp smelling Glasgow flat. The evacuation from the ballsack was a wild ride, but I was able to gather my thoughts and focus my attention. I started off at the back of the team, but my sheer skill and speed enabled me to push past, and eventually I was leading. The other sperm were fast and it was exhausting trying to keep my lead, but I made it.
In all seriousness, I imagine it was pretty much like normal. Like having sex in the dark, probably.
Kerily29 karma
We didn't have a TV at home. I would watch some at my Gran's house, but I lived in the era of 5 channels, and I often wasn't at her house for the morning kid's stuff, so not really.
Kerily22 karma
I wasn't bullied as a child, and other kids were generally more curious than hostile about it.
Kerily13 karma
The tag is usually in the back of the shirt, or the pattern or collar is different at the front.
Kerily17 karma
A kid in one of my classes at school actually asked me that! He was hilarious but a little behind, development wise. He asked me if they'd slipped while making the bed.
chosai_angel4 karma
Are you blind.... Also how blind were your parents? How aware of what they looked like were they? Did they have an idea or did they just instinctively know?
Kerily8 karma
Nope, although both my sister and I wear glasses (I'm short sighted, she's long sighted) and I have a slight lay eye when I'm tired. My Dad's completely blind, my mum can tell the difference between light and dark, and can make out windows and doorways. I think they just instinctively knew, like my mum would always know what hairstyles suited her just by the way the hair fell and how it complimented her face shape etc.
Tjdamage4 karma
How did peek-a-boo work?
Also, what was it like using a telephone device for the deaf and watching TV with described video? Also how exactly does a TDD work?
Edit: Wow, my mistake. I completely jumbled these two together since I always see commercials for both.
Kerily18 karma
They just did the hand actions for pee-a-boo, I didn't have any complaints as a baby. No idea about a TDD as they weren't deaf, and I've never come into contact with that kind of service. They used a phone like everyone else used a phone. We didn't have described video as we didn't have a TV until I was around 10, and even then, it was only me who watched it occasionally.
TheAlienLobster2 karma
I'm guessing that this happened when you were too young to have any real memory of it - but do you have any recollection of the process of realizing that your parents were blind / that they perceived the world in a different way than you?
Kerily4 karma
I had no realisation moment, it was always clear that 'this is how mum and dad are, they're not like everyone else.' I was just pissed off that they couldn't drive though, I didn't see it as detrimental at all.
InmyDarkplace2 karma
How did your parents wipe your poopy ass when you were a baby? By touch? Serious question I'm curious.
Kerily6 karma
Pretty sure it was just by touch. When my sister was born, my mum did all the nappy changes with no problem, so I assume it was just trial and error, as most things are when you're a new parent.
Kerily5 karma
I walked in on them once, when I was 6. Thought they'd lost something and were loudly looking around for the bed for it. Asked them if I could help.
:(
Polly122498 karma
I'd like to remind everyone that the OP's parents are blind, not fucking retarded. Although the OP is known to take advantage and cheat at boardgames. ;)
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