I am a cheating, child custody and alimony private investigator - AMA!

Did you ever have a case that you were sorry to work?

No I do not regret working any case. What makes this profession so unique and fulfilling is the fact that every single day on every single case is so different; there are no two days the same. Each case we handle there is an element of benefit that is reached one way or another. Every once in a while I regret taking a case just because the client is extremely difficult to deal with and although I do not condone cheating and I don’t think cheating is justified, I can somewhat understand why the client’s partner is unhappy; some clients stress me out in just a few days I could not image what it would be like to live with them.

What's the most absurd excuse you've ever heard?

The husband was caught cheating on his his wife with her sister and when the wife confronted him with our video proof he swore that he thought the sister was the wife.

What's the weirdest case you've had?

Our client really thought that her husband was having an affair with a female co-worker. What we learned is that he was actually dressing up in woman’s clothing and having an extra-marital affair. It was a weird case because he did not make a very attractive woman as for he was the better part of 6’3” and 225lbs with facial hair.

What exactly does your PI license entitle you to? I mean, isn't it against the law to videotape people without their consent (I don't know the exact laws). Do you get access to people personal files that regular civilians don't? Does that not breach privacy laws? I guess what I'm getting at is that most people would consider it a breach of the law if you followed them around all day and might interpret it as an act of harassment/stalking. Again, I'm not familiar with the laws to if you could shine a light on exactly what special 'privileges' your license allows that might otherwise be against the law for normal people, that would be great! Thanks for doing this.

I find this to be the best question I have seen so far today. Most states require you to be Licensed to conduct investigations. A Licensed Private Investigator really has no more legal rights than the average citizen. An investigator still needs to abide by the Criminal Laws, the Financial Laws and privacy laws. One caveat to this is that a Licensed Private Investigators is exempt by the stalking and harassment laws if he/she is merely conducting surveillance on an individual and videotaping them whereas a private citizen could be charged with Stalking and/or harassment if they were to follow and videotape someone. An investigator is not permitted on Private Property to obtain video footage without permission of someone who has the authority to grant such permission ( i.e. a client can authorize the investigator to conduct surveillance from their property even though it is private property; the client has the authority to grant such permission). So if the investigator is on a public roadway or in a public establishment then he/she is permitted to videotape; none has an expectation of privacy when out in public; in fact there has been Supreme Court decision which permit videotaping in such areas hence security cameras on almost every corner and business. Many intersections have red-light cameras, and many cities have surveillance cameras recording pedestrians and motorists passing by on the street and sidewalk. The states do not want private citizens out there conducting their own surveillance because it would pose a danger to other people.

So, are they always cheating?

Not in every instance. The statistics, the last we analyzed, is 94% of every person who hires us is faced with the bad news of knowing that we found that their partner was cheating and therefore they are faced with accepting that their suspicions are accurate. Most people do not call us upon the first though that there might be cheating; by time someone calls us they are certain that it is happening and just need our professional assistance in documenting it.

Can parents in your state lose custody because they're cheating?

How has your work directly changed a child's custody?

Do you ever bribe hookers to make a sting?

If parents lose focus of their number one priority, which should be the children, and instead are pursuing the affair rather than spending the quality time with the children the other parent may be able to demonstrate that he/she is the better fit for the children and be awarded Primary Residential Custody. The cheating parent will still most likely have visitation.

Our Work directly impacts Child Custody cases and we have a 92% success rate in assisting our clients obtain Primary Custody. We are very selective in the cases that we accept. If we believe that the individual in question is living a lifestyle which is irresponsible we video document and then certify the proof at which time our client or their attorney will present to the court.

We never use decoys because we feel it is unethical. Although some companies use decoys we just feel it is plain wrong. Good or bad we simply video document the activities of the person in question

If you catch someone cheating in the act of cheating, how long do you keep watching and videotape/photograph for? Is their a limit or is it kind of like watching a porn in some ways ...

When we are in the midst of video-taping often our adrenaline is high and you are not looking at it as a porno; our focus is on documenting the activity so there is no question about what is taking place. We try to document as much activity as possible so there is no room for the cheater to dispute the incident.

What are the common ways you use to prove someone is cheating? If I was going to cheat, I would do it in a room with closed drapes and a locked door. How are you able to get the video? Are people just careless?

They have to enter the room somehow. Although you may not actually see the physical encounter in your scenario I think in most marriages it would be unacceptable to see their spouse with another person at that given location.

What is the most morally wrong thing you've been asked to do by your client, but did anyway? (or didn't do)

We are well established and are very fortunate that we can actually decide which cases we wish to accept. Therefore we have people ask us to do things illegal and/or morally wrong all of the time during the initial consultation. Some people simply are ignorant and do not realize it is wrong therefore we try to explain it to them and try to think of a way of accomplishing the goal through legitimate measures. If someone is resistant to doing things the right way then we will decline the job.

How many investigations do you usually do per month?

Every month is different; some months we may have a few and other months we cannot handle the volume and cannot accept any more cases. There is no science in predicting when cheating surges will occur. However Spring is the most busy time for us. Contrary to what many people believe Valentine’s Day is probably the least likely day we see cheating.

How much does a typical investigation run a client on average?

This is a tough question to answer because the prices vary greatly. This is definitely a service that you do not want to be cheap with. As we all know you can go cheap on some products and have no issues but with some things when you buy cheap you usually have to buy again. The better agencies will certainly be more expensive because there is a higher demand based upon their experience and reputation. The new companies and smaller companies will be much cheaper. You truly get what you pay for; the cheaper companies might cost several hundred dollars but those investigators almost always get caught by the very person they are following either because they lack knowledge/experience and make the crucial mistake of following someone by themselves. Specialist Agencies might cost more but they usually use multiple investigators at once thus reducing the odds of detection; these companies will likely cost several thousand dollars to retain.

Can the person who is cheating still get alimony if the spouse makes significantly more money?

We are not attorneys and cannot provide legal advice. However in our experience a Cheater can still receive Alimony benefits in most circumstances (depending on the state in which you reside). However, it is usually best to document the extra-marital affair while the individual is still living in the household and before any type of separation; often such proof, if used properly, can result in a reduction in Alimony responsibility.

Do phone records count as proof? or do you need pictures?

Under the Telephone Privacy Act of 2006/2007 it is illegal to obtain Cell Phone Records and doing so is a Federal Felony Offense. There is no better proof than video because not only will it assist you from a legal sense but more so from a personal sense. Seeing is believing!

How often does a husband ask you to investigate a wife?

We are asked this question quite often; many ask who cheats more a man or a woman. The answer is that there may be a month where it seems like mostly we see men cheaters and then the next month it might be more woman cheaters. There are just as many woman cheaters as there are men.

How difficult is this business to get into and become established? I am studying criminal justice in college and have been considering getting my PI licence.

Many companies who were not yet established before the economic crash found it difficult to survive and many have unfortunately had to close. Those who were well established before bad times were able to hang in there. Most states require that you have a minimum of 5-years full-time experience working for a Private Investigation Agency or 5-years minimum in law-enforcement. Even if you meet the five year requirement does not guarantee that the state will approve your license application. Studying Criminal Justice is good however you need to be lucky enough for an Investigative Agency to hire you.

What is your client's usual response in the cases where you don't find the partner to be cheating? Do they normally accept your findings or deny them?

Most clients are relieved one way or another. We encourage the client to invest the proper amount of time to ensure there was enough opportunity for their partner to cheat if they were going to. It is very important to hire an agency that understand the nature of a cheater so they can build a strategy that will most likely gauge whether or not the partner is cheating and whether enough time was allotted to assess things.

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There are scum-bags in every profession and it is unfortunate that your father happened to hire one. There are a lot of “flim-flam” or “fly-by-night” PI’s who usually last no longer than a year or two in the business. You need to be careful when selecting an Investigative Agency to hire.

It is recommended that you do your homework and research each company before you hire one; chances are the longer an investigative agency has been in business the more legitimate they probably are.

Have you ever been faced with a moral dilemma whilst working, that changed how you viewed that case i.e. you let someone get away with it?

To answer your question bluntly- No. We enter every case with an open mind and are not hoping to find cheating. Regardless if the target of the investigation does something good, bad, or indifferent we will document their activity without judgment. We will not omit any facts or let “someone get away with it” under any circumstances. Our integrity and reputation is far more important than any case.

Ever been hired by a non-married couple? I'm curious if someone would spend the money on an investigator if they weren't married?

A great majority of our cases involve cases in which they are not married. Whether it is a homosexual or heterosexual relationship or married or dating relationship people just want to know the truth. We always tell people that if they are simply dating and do not foresee a future with their partner then it might not be worth the expense of hiring us. However if they are considering marriage it is much better to learn if someone is cheating prior to getting married as opposed to finding out afterwards.

Not sure if you are still answering questions, but:

What did you do as a cop?

What made you decide to focus on cheating/infidelity, or did you just fall into it?

and the one I think your least likely to answer:

What are some ways to detect if someone is following you, like a private detective?

When I was in police work my primary focus was Narcotics Interdiction which quite often involved surveillance. Our area of expertise is Surveillance; surveillance is really a “fine art” and most individuals try and soon learn that they cannot conduct surveillance effectively. Most people lose observation of the target and/or get caught. We have found that approximately only 1 out of every 25-people who try to do surveillance are successful.

For that reason most people will detect if they are being followed by an investigator simply because most investigators make inadvertent mistakes without sometimes realizing it. We use a team approach and only employ the best of the best; in fact if I were to tell you that we were going to follow you today I can assure you that you would not even know we were there. So to answer your question, if done properly you will not be able to determine if you are being followed however the odds are that the investigator who is out there will be detected.

Hiring an Investigative Specialist Agency is a must because hiring your run-of-the mill type of PI company will not yield successful results. Much like in the Medical Profession you can go to an Orthopedic Doctor to fix your broken hand or you can go to a Hand and Foot Specialists. They are both doctors however an Orthopedic that actually Specializes in the hand and foot would likely be able to correct the issue much more soundly. With this analogy, you can go to your Family Doctor to care for your heart issues or you can choose to go to a Cardiologist; sure they are both doctors however even though a Specialist will be more expensive you will likely yield positive treatment.

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Each person is different. If it were me and I personally suspected my partner is cheating based upon strong intuition and circumstantial evidence then I would not spend the money on the investigation due to there being an obvious trust issue; I feel that if I cannot trust someone then I cannot be with that individual.

However, most people are visual by nature and need to see it to believe it. Most people find that it is the best money they ever spent because they obtained closure. Without having closure you may have difficulty in ever moving forward with your life. Therefore It is well worth spending the money if you just need that Peace of Mind that you were not imagining things.

Have you ever caught a partner cheating and after confrontation, been hired by said cheating partner to investigate the original client. (Or do you have some rule about looking into your previous clients).

Every once in a while we are met by this scenario however we find it to be a Conflict of Interest therefore we will simply tell the “cheating partner” that we are overbooked and unable to handle their case at this time.

Without military or police experience, how difficult is it to join your work field?

It is impossible to obtain your own Private Investigation License without such experience however if you are lucky enough to be provided with an opportunity you can work under the license holder as an employee of their company.

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I guess as with any profession there are times that you might have a thought enter your mind but if you are secure in your relationship it does not impact it in a negative fashion. A lot of times I personally learn from the mistakes that the target of our investigation has done and make efforts to never do such things in my life; in other words when a client tells me things that their partner has done to cause a disconnect in their relationship (i.e. not being a good listener, working too much without making time for the family, etc) I strive to be a better person in that regard. I do not think that my partner will cheat although and if I ever got to the point where I did then I feel the relationship needs to be evaluated because obviously there would then be a trust issue. A Cardiologist probably does not walk around thinking he or his wife is going to have a heart attack although I am sure he is mindful in ensuring that he and his wife live a more healthy lifestyle which includes a good diet and expertise.

Have you done any work for companies to see if their employees are screwing around?

Many companies have policies prohibiting fraternizing and or engaging in relationships with co-workers. Sometimes employers do retain our services to see if their employees are violating such policies.

How do you protect your identity? Have you ever got caught spying? If so, do you refund the client his/her money? What kinda equipment do you use? What is your ultimate long term goal?

We never get caught. The people we follow never even have a clue that we were there. In fact our investigators are so good that I could tell you that we will follow you today and I can assure you that you would never be able to determine which car ours are. We invest in the best of the best in both equipment and personnel. The clients are explained that there is a risk of detection and/or losing the target of the investigation.

If we were to get caught we would not refund the money because the state prohibits investigators from taking cases on a performance basis. This is a good thing because if investigation companies were able to charge based on performance or outcome it could potentially breed unethical, immoral and even illegal tactics. I am sure there are some bad apples in every bunch and if investigators were able to charge on a performance/outcome basis then some investigators might force things to happen or put people in situations that they might not otherwise be in and in some cases investigators might also misrepresent the facts and findings just to justify their compensation.

Do more men, or women hire you?

It is equal. There are just as many men as women who cheat. We hear from our clients after the facts are presented that most men engage in affair for the sexual encounter while most woman claim they engaged in the affair more for the emotional connection. Keep in mind however there are exceptions to everything.

have you once got caught cheating yourself?

I have never been caught cheating myself because I feel you are better off simply ending a committed relationship if you feel the urge to see other people. Some people are in open relationships and allow each other to see other people. If you are in a monogamous and serious relationship it is not worth cheating unless you are prepared to lose the trust of your partner.

What kind of car do you have?

It is invisible.

How do the police in your area treat you now that you are a private investigator? In TV shows and movies, they seem to make it out like police look down on PIs, but so many things are BS in TV and movies.

How does your work affect your feelings about marriage and relationships in general? When I worked for a mailorder computer company doing tech support, I felt like all of their computers were garbage, but found out it was a somewhat small percentage that had to call in. Do you feel like relationships are doomed to failure since you're always dealing with broken ones?

Most police officers will never come across a Private Investigator in their entire career therefore those officers who do often don’t know how to deal with them. Police officers sometimes think that the private investigator needs to inform them and/or get permission before the investigator begins conducting surveillance in their town and the truth of the matter is that they don’t. Police Officers have no authority over Licensed Private Investigators unless the investigators is violating criminal and/or motor vehicle laws. An Investigator does not have to disclose who they are conducting surveillance on nor do they have to say anything beyond that they are conducting an investigation. Granted a police officer can require the investigator to show identification to confirm it is indeed an investigator; the officer can also require the investigator to show his/her driver’s license, registration and insurance proof. Beyond that if the credentials check out valid then the officer can take no further action. In fact so long as the vehicle is registered, insured and not parked illegally the officer can’t even tell the investigator he needs to move away from the location. There is no need however in trying to educate an officer because it an be misconstrued as disrespect. Most officers are cordial and respectful and never give our investigators a difficult time. We show the police officers the respect that they deserve realizing they are doing their job as we are doing our job. I am sure that there are Private Investigators out there who give an attitude towards the police officers and in that case I could see why a police officer might give an attitude back. I believe that when you treat someone with respect usually they will reciprocate. Some of us are Retired Police Officers therefore the reality is that I find that we gain more respect from the police than those who are not previously from the law enforcement community. Some officers do look down upon Private Investigators and the reasons could differ. Potentially some officers might frown upon private investigators because maybe they are cheating themselves; while others might have misconceived notions of what a private investigator does however most officers show the utmost respect for our profession. As a side note only Licensed Private Investigators can engage in Investigations; contrary to what many believe even active Law Enforcement Officers are prohibited by law and department policy to engage in private investigations and they can actually be charged criminally if they do so. A retired law enforcement officer is prohibited as well unless he obtains a license.

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Marriage is a personal decision and nobody should persuade or dissuade friends from getting married. The key is to really get to know your partner inside and out before even considering marriage. Look at your partner’s past actions. If he/she cheated on their ex to be with you then what makes you think he/she will not be capable of doing the same to you. Once some cheats they will always have a propensity to cheat. Marriage is a sacred bond and marriage can be a beautiful and wonderful experience. Marriage is not a guarantee that your partner will end up cheating on you. Communication with each other is the number one key element to a healthy marriage that will endure the stresses that every marriage faces. You need to talk about everything and anything every single day; in doing so you will connect and/or re-connect and before you know it you will gain a best friend on top of a lifelong partner.

How does it feel to profiteer off of the misery of others?

Yes we are For Profit company and we are in business to make money. However we do not look at it as making money off of the misery of others. Many people who hire us are at their wits end and do not possess the know-how or wisdom of learning the truth. Many cheaters make their partner believe that they are “crazy’ or that their suspicion is a figment of their own imagination. Almost everyone just wants to know the truth. In fact the “Unknown” is much worse than any bad news that we could ever deliver. People feel helpless and overwhelmed when they are suspecting cheating; many suffer health problems derived from the stress of not knowing the truth. People cannot focus at work, lose their appetites, feel anxiety and begin losing self-esteem. We pride ourselves in being privileged for our clients to share the most intimate and sensitive concerns with us and allowing us to assist them in obtaining Peace of Mind in learning the truth. Sometimes it is learned that their partner is not cheating and therefore the client can be rest-assured that there is no reason for concern and can lower the emotional walls that he/she had built thus resulting in a reconnection to their partner. Others who learn that their suspicions were accurate can obtain closure knowing that they can end the relationship without ever second guessing whether their suspicions of cheating was a reality. In other words our clients are able to move forward with our assistance. We do not use decoys or put people in positions that they would not otherwise be in rather we just simply document their activity. If our clients did not love their partner then they would not hre us. Therefore we help those who cannot help themselves. On a monthly basis we receive a case in which our client had contracted a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) knowing that they did not have an affair leaving on one explanation and that is that their partner must be cheating. Accidents happen; no matter how safe a cheater may be there is still always a risk of becoming infected and if we can assist our clients in learning about an affair sooner than later then we can potentially save our clients from contracting an STD. In the end, we are so proud in the fact that we can help people in knowing the Truth and we pride ourselves even more in the fact that we share ideas and give advice to help our clients through one of the most difficult times in their life.

When did you decide to become a bottom feeder?

He has his own company and provides a valuable service.

What do you do? File paperwork for a giant company where you are just a number?

Let's get off the high horse.

Nope. He is pretty much a dirt bag.

Sounds like someone is a little sore about PI's. Have an experience of your own maybe? I don't understand why an investigator is regarded as scum.

Nope, never had any experience with one. Have no personal reason to be upset with one. Just find what they do to be ethically and morally disgusting.

I understand how people have a negative connotation of private investigators, because there are a lot of one-man shows who will take on any case and use unethical tactics.

Fortunately we have never been in that category, and frankly love bringing the truth to people whose lives are in disarray because their significant other refuses to tell them the truth.

Not to mention we help the right parent obtain child custody in many cases, which is also very rewarding.