IamA Vacuum Repair Technician, and I can't believe people really wanted it, but, AMA!

Should a person, in theory, be vacuuming the stairs and then, in theory, trip over the vacuum, thus disengaging its hose to expose the inlet directly, and then, in theory, fall down the stairs and one's dressing gown fly open and one's member (happening to be erect) inserts itself into the said inlet, in theory... wouldn't that be fun?

In the United States, there are over 2500 reported cases of vacuum cleaner induced genital traumas.

*Edit: Per year

[deleted]

It's vital to use a vacuum with variable power control! Without it, injuries are likely.

Are you often asked if you have a dust filter for a Hoover Max Extract® 60 Pressure Pro?

Edit: Thanks for the gold!!

No

How often does somebody ask you if your job can suck sometimes and blow at others. No offense. I repair stairs into escalators and my job has its ups and downs.

Just as often as you'd imagine. I just yell REPOST at them.

Can you give me your honest opinion on the Dyson? Is there another brand that works just as well but is much cheaper? Is a lot of the Dysons success simply marketing?

I spend a great deal of my time repairing Dyson as a Warranty Repair Station. As a tech, my problem with Dysons are the weak, crappy parts, and troublesome design flaws. I do not like bagless machines, as they are dirtier, require more regular maintenance, and do not pick up as well as bagged vacs.

I use brand new Dysons in a demo to show how much they leave behind as compared to other brands.

It is my opinion that the better Hoover and Eureka machines work as well or better than Dyson's best. But for the price of a DC50 with the full Animal package, you could get much more vacuum.

Thanks for your honest feedback. My wife has been hinting a Dyson for some time now, but I've had my suspicions that they're malarkey.

One of my problems with Dyson is the amount of crap they leave behind in the carpet. For that kind of money, your carpets should be getting clean.

I use brand new Dysons in a demo to show how much they leave behind as compared to other brands.

How do you do this demo?

The Kirby guys ran my Dyson over a spot several times, then ran the Kirby over the same spot with a filter attached to show how much crap was still there. I put one of their filters in my Dyson, went back over the same spot, and it was just as dirty as theirs. Take away: carpets can hold a fuck ton of dirt and no vacuum's picking it all up in one pass.

Was your methodology more rigorous than theirs?

The demo I use is similar to the Kirby demo you mentioned. Here's the difference:

The Kirby and your Dyson, pull roughly 30 or so inches of suction at the floor. The Riccar that I use in the demo I mentioned, pulls over 70inches of suction at the floor. It doesn't leave much behind at all. One other difference is I use a rubber-backed carpet, so that nothing is coming up but what is in that rug.

What is the weirdest thing you have ever found inside of someone's vacuum?

Mostly, bullets. I mean, WTF people??

I've also found: Snake eggs, Gecko eggs, a desiccated toad, and 4 mouse pinkies, also desiccated.

4 mouse pinkies

Are you referring to infant mice, or their smallest paw appendage?

Because if it's the latter you have incredible eyesight.

Infant mice. Though, I do have good eyesight.

Bullets, or entire cartridges?

Full cartridges!! Usually, just .22 LR, but once, I found some .38 specials and .357 magnum rounds!

In the post that inspired this you mentioned a bunch of brands that I have never heard of. What would you say are the top vacuums, what makes them the best, and where the hell do I buy them?

Firstly, we have a saying; There are no bad vacuums (except Shark). You should match a vacuum to your particular needs.

The brands I endorse: Riccar - America for their uprights

Miele - Germany for their canisters (best filtration. period)

Sebo - Germany for its solid performance and suction

Brands to avoid:

Shark - Just don't....ever.

Bissell - used to make grea machines. now have crappy parts and complicated crap

Eureka - their top models are the only ones I would consider buying if I wanted something disposal.

Kirby - might get raped in your home.

Rainbow - Seriously? Complicated crap w/ poor design.

Find a vacuum dealer in your area if you have one, and ask them what they think. Research brands and avoid paid reviews like Consumer Reports. What is important is buying a vacuum that meets your needs.

My mom bought a Riccar a little while ago. I'd never heard of that brand before and I can't figure out why. That thing is AWESOME. Best vacuum I've ever used. Lightweight and powerful at the same time. It's fantastic.

It's because Riccar spends money on product development and not advertising.

What is your opinion of used Kirbys?

They make great boat anchors.

I'm a former vacuum repair tech, too, and while I worked almost exclusively on Electrolux (pre-Aerus days), but I've heard mostly good things about Kirby and Rainbow. Is the reason that you don't recommend Kirby that you think the salesmen will commit a crime while demonstrating the product? What are your thoughts on the vacuum itself? I always thought they were too heavy, but still had pretty solid construction.

My opinion on Kirby are just that. They are horribly heavy....needlessly heavy. They have poor maneuverability, poor suction, and poor filtration.

I think Kirbys and Rainbows are both overly complicated, poorly performing vacuums. They sell because of the high-pressure sales guys in your home.

Funny you mention Kirby salesmen...my mom bought a G4 from one. The next day he visited my mom's friend down the road and ended up moving in with her and her two teenage daughters for the next 7 years and being her trophy boyfriend. All while her husband (her daughters' father) was living and working overseas. So yeah, they are effective salespeople.

wow...

Have you ever heard of Vacu-Maid? What is your opinion of them?

I have no knowledge of them.

We recommend to our clients to NEVER allow a maid to use the maid's vac, but only the customer's. This is to prevent pollutants, bedbugs, etc from other homes into your own.

Please answer this but,
why the hate for Shark? We have some old carpet and hard floors and went through many bissell and hoover uprights that would die/overheat before the entire house could be vacuumed. We would faithfully return them to walmart after 2-3 weeks when they would croak until we bought the shark. The only things we hate about it are that for an upright it has a hard time keeping itself standing in the closet when not in use and the cleaning width is very short compared to other uprights. Thanks for our time oh wise vacuum genius.

edit: found my answer further down. thanks!

When that Shark breaks on you, shortly, and you're not able to find parts, or anyone who will fix it for less than the cost of a new one, you will understand my disdain for them.

Opinion on Dysons? I used one of their ball canister ones and found it fun, but my only other vacuum experience has been with household bag ones (at home I have a Miele White Star, which works okay but the bags suck).

Edit: you've already answered this twice further down. Edit a line into this post?

If you've got a White Star, you should buy the new, color coded FJM bags. They're much more effective than the older design.

I am a 17 year old that sat here for an hour reading this whole AMA, then went and told my mom all about my new vacuum knowledge. I'm not sure whether to take that as good or bad.

It sounds like you have an open mind, that you're willing to expand. Don't stop.

That was the most motivating thing I have heard all day. thank you.

You're welcome. I am happy to know I helped at all.

When I first heard about a vacuum technician AMA I admittedly thought to myself "seriously who cares?" But this really has been one of the most interesting and informative AMAs I've ever read. In depth responses and unexpected humor. Excellent job, /u/touchmyfuckingcoffee

Thank you. That's very kind.

what is your favorite blowjob joke?

Your mom.

Lets get the ball rolling here. Ill throw you a softball, what brand and model vacuum do you have in your own home?

I own an older Miele Mercury with the 236 powerhead. It's been hacked, and uses the fully automated electronics and handle controls from a Silver Moon of the same generation.

I have two cats, and a Jewish g/f with lots of hair, and about 50/50 carpet to bare floors.

What do you think about robotic vacuums like the Neato or Roomba?

These are not machines for people with pets.

Roombas used to be just awful. But, the design has gotten better. Their limitations lie in the rechargeable batteries; You simply cannot use a powerful motor for any length of time on a battery.

For a single person, in a studio apt, with only bare floors, and minimal hair, it might be an okay machine.

Owner of the samsung version of a roomba here.

I have a SO with long hair and a dog with short, big house thats all tile and hardwood floors.

Apart from my SO's hair requiring me to clean the brushes weekly (it wraps around the horizontal spinning brushes) and ungunking a little bit of dog hair in some joints it actually does an amazing job.

If Ive been a slob and not used it for a week, it will take 2 complete runs to get on top of the mess (mainly dog hair & dust).

Cords are its enemy though, gotta tidy up / clamp down all cables and cords.

I don't have much to add here, other than you're taxing the shit out of that machine.

How did you end up with your job? Did you go to school wanting to be a Vacuum Repair Technician? Was it a skill you had or did you get the job and they taught you?

I am a licensed hair stylist who used to be an auto mechanic. With the economy in the shitter, and shittier salon owners, I got forced into looking elsewhere for a job. The owner loved my deep voice so much, he hired me on the spot. It's a good thing I can fix anything.

Hair stylist - auto mechanic. Unexpected.

That's only the tip of the iceberg.

Would you say that your job "sucks"?

it's not glamorous, that's for sure.

What brand/model would you recommend for a household with 2 dogs (kinda wiry hair - english bulldogs)?

Tell me about your flooring surfaces. Carpet? Rugs? Bare Floor?

Berber carpet throughout most of the house, lino in the kitchens & bathroom.

Sorry, you got buried. The Miele 236 powerhead with any canister would be a good choice for your needs.

Medium fiber Carpet and floor for me.

Knowing only this, my answer is: A canister vacuum is more versatile on multiple surfaces than is an upright.

What about for 100% hardwood, no stairs? Is there one that is a good deal?

If you prefer to vacuum over sweeping, the Miele Quickstep is a tremendous sucker, for a stick vac. It's heavier than all the others, but it will use any Miele accessory.

How would this answer change if all of the floor surfaces are hardwoods or tile?

If you prefer to vacuum over sweeping, the Miele Quickstep is a tremendous sucker, for a stick vac. It's heavier than all the others, but it will use any Miele accessory.

What's the absolute worse thing stuck in a Vacuum that you have had remove? Assuming this is part of the repairs

The worst is machines that are clogged with cat-piss soaked carpet deodorizing powder. Who the fucks vacuums up wet stuff???

Get a god damned shampooer already. I charge double in labour for those vacs.

Funny things in vacs?

Bullets...yes, really. Puzzle pieces, rubber super-balls, legos, a bong stem, the head of stretchy Fantastic Four guy. (it's on my tool box)

As someone with allergies, how effective are hepa vacuums? And which ones are the best for allergies?

Hands down, no question about it, Miele vacuums have the best filtration. They are the only vacs we sell to area asthma/allergy doctors.

Miele

You talk about their canister vacuums a lot. How would you rate their uprights?

They are machines that are clearly built by engineers who understand canisters. They are bizarre machines. But, they have good suction, and tend to clog. Finally, they are way too heavy for my taste.

This AMA destroyed the Riccar website. Grats.

I cannot believe how much time I have spent reading this post. I'm not even looking for a vacuum....

this is the most interesting random AMA i've ever read to be honest lol

Thank you. That's very kind.

What are your opinions on Kirby vacuums?

Why are these archaic, poorly designed dinosaurs not extinct yet?

I suppose some people don't mind pushing around a '68 Buick around the house, with poor suction and no filtration. Oh look, a lego! Let me just destroy that motor fan for you....

Have you seen the movie "Once"?

I do not recall it.

I would love to know what, specifically, is so awful about Shark vacuums.

In my opinion, Shark vacs are literally built to fail.

Take their steamer: The exterior panels use stainless steel screws to avoid corrosion. Neat, right?? Every screw and hose clamp inside is made of cheap steel that rusts and fails, quickly.

Side note: I love how Riccar's website is slow as fuck after seeing that he recommends them for Americans.

I take full responsibility. They rarely get this kind of traffic.

What's the oldest Model you've ever had to repair?

I've had some Hoovers from 1968 and newer, and recently, a very old Tri-Star that I think was from circa 1960.

Are Dysons really worth all that hype?

I'm not fond of them. But, Dyson is an excellent company with regard to warranty work. They really do work hard to make the customers happy...because they HAVE to. They break far too often.

They are not BAD vacuums. They just aren't worth the expense, hassle, or what they leave behind in your carpets.

On average how many people phone you and make a Breaking Bad reference?

This has, as yet, never happened to my knowledge.

What are your opinions on Orecks and the dreaded Rainbow vacuum. I say dreaded because those sales pitches are hell to sit through.

Oreck vacuums work well, for what they are designed for; Hotel carpets with no padding below. They do not pull enough suction to work well in a home.

Rainbow sales pitches only work because people get to see the dirty water. I cannot imagine a more bothersome machine to work with, than a Rainbow.

Rainbows double as a bong.

Take the filter off, first.

I bought a Riccar canister vacuum (The Moonlight) a few years ago and lately I'm having issues with the power. I need to jiggle the cord in and out of the machine to get it to turn on now. Sounds to me like a loose wire inside.

Should I attempt to fix this myself, take it to someone like you, or just buy a new vacuum? (I'm fairly handy with electrical devices)

Also, I feel like it sucks compared to when it was new (or doesn't suck as this case may be). Could this be an issue with the filter or just the vacuum getting old?

Finally, how long should a good vacuum last assuming you're using it weekly in a house with a toddler and 4 cats?

Thanks!

Keep your bags and filters fresh to maintain suction.

You power problem is straightforward, but you won't be able to easily find the part. It's going to cost >$100 to fix. But, it's worth it, if you like the vacuum.

Which vacuum brands/models do you repair the least? Which do you repair the most? In other words, which brands/models are the most/least reliable?

Let's simplify this.

Unreliable: Dyson, Shark, Eureka, Dirt Devil, Bissell

Reliable/Semi-Reliable Miele, Riccar, Sebo, Hoover, Royal, Panasonic, Fuller

what kind of cleaner to you recommend for someone who has 3 large dogs who all shed like a chemo patient?

Shop Vac? Miele comes from the land of German Shepherds. They handle hair very well.

Speaking of shop vacs, any opinions on those? I have a few that are great, but I'm missing a brush motor effectively, unless shopvac makes a pluggable standalone.

I do not see many shop vacs. Usually, it's to replace a motor or cord. I don't have enough experience with them to know about accessories available. You might consider a central-vac system.

Why does the newest dyson (dc51) less expensive than the DC 47 animal complete even though it has the double radial cyclones?

It's all in the packaging. ALL Dysons can be purchased with the "Animal Complete" package. This package includes a bunch of accessories, that you're likely to rarely use.

finally! as an allergy sufferer I am amazed that Dyson doesn't get more ridicule for producing what is essentially an allergen scattering device. what do you think? please agree with me.

I agree with you fully. My SO has asthma, and my daughter has allergies. The air in my home is literally cleaned by my Miele. I even use it as an air purifier when needed.

I just poked your coffee. How does that make you feel?

very protective of it.

What are your thoughts on the old Filter Queens ?

They're neat, old machines. They're hard to use, but have good suction. Parts availability and people who know how to work on them is the problem...

What is the best "bang for your buck" vacuum out there? I have dogs and would love a Dyson but I have to think that there are other good options out there.

By the best vacuum you can afford for your budgeted purchase. I am a Miele fan for anyone with pets.

Why does vacuum have two "u"s? Seriously, what the shit is that??

I don't know who to blame for this.

Here's my question:

Are you gonna answer any of these fucking questions?

Patience, motherfucker! Shit, I'm trying to fix this fucking Kirby!

Can you give a quick overview of the components in your average vacuum cleaner and what parts break the most often?

The big ones are belts, filters, hoses, accessories. Try to avoid machines with bells and whistles that aren't needed. K.I.S.S. is always a good rule when buying appliances.

Every couple of days I have to remove the head on my Kirby upright and clean out all the crud clogging up around the roller brush. Do Kirbys need to be cleaned out that frequently, or is something wrong?

Someone there have lots of long hair? You should definitely keep that brush roller clear of hair/fibers. What kind of crud are you getting?

Don't use cleaner/deodorizer powders with Kirbys.

What is the best vacuum for pet hair. I have a cleaning business.

Miele or Riccar in my opinion.

How often should I change my filter?

Refer to your owner's manual.

So glad that you're doing this. Wanted to ask this so many times. Why do so many people in the US use upright vacuums? regardless of how maneuverable they are with their fancy spinning technology, it's still never going to be as easy to slide around as a canister. I mean with an upright, you're basically moving the whole machine back and forth as you vacuum, whereas with a canister the machine stays put and you just a hose with a head on it. For some reason it really bothers me to see upright vacuums being advertised with 'patented/new/shiny' 'ball/360' maneuver technology. Is it purely the influence of marketing in the US that causes everyone to use uprights? I've lived in Europe and asia and I bet you would have a hard time finding a place to buy uprights; granted I lived in Germany so miele was extremely commonplace

The reason American prefer upright vacuums to canisters is because, for so long, it was the fashion to carpet the ENTIRE home. Americans felt like they did a better job, and there were many ad campaigns pushing them. Now that Americans are realizing how filthy carpeting is, they are shifting back to canister vacs.

My understanding is that the top vacuum brands are Electrolux, Meile, Kirby, and Rainbow. Would you say this is correct? Also, what brand vacuum do you use at your house?

Electrolux is not what it used to be, and I cannot endorse their products.

I own an older Miele, that I customised for my needs.

Can you make people disappear? Ehrm I mean do people often request filters for a Hoover MaxExtract PressurePro model 60 ?

You can wash those filters at home.

What is your opinion of Dysons and the German guy in the commercial?

This question has been answered already. Not fond of them. The ads are very effective.

Well this AMA....Sucks.

There had to be one..

i have a bagless vacuum that, even after being as clean as i can get it, seems to have lost vacuum power. in the meantime, i'm using a bagged vacuum, and it does great.

is there anything i can do to get my bagless working, or should i just stick with my cheap bagged vacuum?

You likely need to clean or replace your filters. In general, bagless vacuums do not pull as much suction as bagged machines.

I have a bissell bagless vacuum. The cheap one. It always puts out a nasty stench. Why is that? I have gone through 2 of these with the same issue. Can it be avoided? And is there a vacuum that stays fresh smelling?

If it smells like burning rubber, you're burning up your belts. You should always start with the height adjustment on the highest setting and work down until you get the cleaning you want.

Also, check your brush roller/agitator to see if it spins freely. Your bearings may be gone.

Have you ever tried to make a world dominating robot out of all the spare vacuum parts?

No, but I do build handheld lasers and occasionally mount them to a Roomba. DJ Roomba can eat it!

Did you ever electrocuted yourself?

I've been shocked often. But, I've never had a serious injury. I did have a Kirby cord short out and explode in my hand last week. It just caused some flash burns.

Which vacuum brand do you find holds up the best repairwise?

Let me first say that Americans do not care for their machines. They treat them horribly. Everyone would get more use out of their vacs if they actually cared for them.

That being said, Miele is hard to beat. The simple design is what makes it so reliable.

what is wrong with shark vacuums?

Literally built to fail.

Just burn your money or send it to me, if you really want a Shark.

I have a 1982 Electrolux Silverado that's slowly on its way out. I friggin love the thing. What would you recommend as a replacement on the fateful day when she finally, once and for all, craps out on me?

Get yourself the best Miele canister you can afford. You'll be most pleased.

Has someone ever cut their lip on a vacuum motor?

In the history of vacuums, I am sure it's happened. But, not in my shop.

I have been having a tough time looking for a good, but inexpensive, brand. Can you help me?

I just moved into an apartment, and I am struggling purchasing what I need, and it is mainly carpet.

Stop trying to equate good and inexpensive. In all things, you get what you pay for.

If you have to shop on a budget, consider buying a good, used or rebuilt machine.

Ever worked on the HVS3?

(These are a vacuum for sampling household dust trapped in carpets. I doubt there is a more effective vacuum on earth.)

I am not familiar with this machine. I work on household and commercial vacuums.

How often do people ask you if your job sucks? How many of them manage to keep a straight face?

About as often as this question is asked.

Are Dysons actually crappy? is the quality that is marketed complete bull? We have a Dyson, and a 20 year old Oreck, and my cleaning lady hates the Dyson, and only wants to use the Oreck.

Please see my previous comments with regard to Dysons.

Why does my vacuum not suck?

Did you check for clogs? Belt? Bag? Filters?