IamA level 3 sex offender AMA!

No question, just want to say good job rising above the circumstances and not letting them hold you back.

EDIT- Obviously not supporting rape. Supporting learning from your past and not giving up in your journey to become a better person. The girl is the VICTIM, obviously. In no way did I blame her. Now everybody stop blowing up my inbox.

Real classy reddit- http://i.imgur.com/sOOKMvP.jpg

Thank you.

Congratulations on your recent successes. My question is - at any point in time, did you not even feel a hint of suspicion for her age? While one can argue that some people mature early, I'm considering the limited perspective a 14 year old (grade 8-9) would bring to a relationship with someone who is almost 6 years removed from high school. What was it about her that made you attracted to her? Was she simply attractive or was there more?

Sorry that's a lot of questions dude. Feel free to only answer the ones you feel are relevant. Edit: corrected original post because I assumed she was in grade 8, may have been grade 9?

There were a few things that made me suspicious, but I was met with denials. The initial attraction was physical. As things progressed, the attention became nice. At that point, I was living in an abusive household. My stepfather was verbally and physically abusive to me, my sister, and mother. He once spray my mother with lighter fluid and threatened...Anyway, it was nice to have some positive attention, and not be worried all the time.

At what level do you evolve?

It would have to be 3. At 3 you evolve into a child-napping predator. Unless of course you can beat the state into submission and get your conviction overturned. Then you evolve back into a human again!

Oh, and a question... not sure if this has been answered yet, but I've read through most of the comments and haven't seen it. I imagine this young lady is an adult now. Have you had any contact with her? If so what did you talk about, and if not, what do you think you would say to her?

She sent me an apology a few times for a few years. I have not heard from her in a long time.

I'm not really sure what I'd say. I'd probably be, what we call in the shop, "Jammed up". I feel like part of me would have angry things to say, and part would hope that this incident hasnt made her life anywhere near as hard as mine.

Why didn't the involved girl come forward and admit to lying about her age?

She did. In NY, the state takes over and presses the charges in cases like this. I stated in the other S.O. related topic today...In NY, and some other states, she could show me an ID, that would scan (our id's have 3d barcodes), and I'd still be held responsible. If I had met her in a bar, and say we had sex in the bathroom, I'm still responsible. Even though she's in an environment that needs ID to enter, it's all on me.

Whoa. When I turned 18 the family lawyer, at a social occasion, gave me a reminder that when I went off to college that a statement made in good faith was the key to being clear on this. Different state of course.

I could only wish it was like this here. I find it interesting to see the variations in the laws from place to place. Even the age of consent variations is interesting. It just seems silly to think, "ok, in this box you can have sex with X person in whatever style you wish. But in that box, if you do it, you go to jail." Where's the cohesion.

Isn't it like, if you're underage you can't legally give consent? Like, consent doesn't count because you're a minor?

You are correct.

Doesn't that seem way too crazy?? That law needs to be changed! Minors can get away with whatever they want if it's like this!

Yes I guess technically they could. I feel like that kind of evil only comes with age though. You have to be really jaded to do something like this on purpose with intent to harm someones future life.

Intentional harm is one side of the coin, but unintentional harm due to stupidity is the other side. A 14 yr old girl should really know better than to lie about her age and have sex. The least she could have done is shut up about it. :/

At 14 yes I think she should know. I do not think a 14 year old would be conscious of the consequences of her actions though. Meaning Megan's law, and the registry. I myself, at 23, was not all too clear on Megan's law and what it meant, till I was involved in it.

What are your thoughts on the sex offender registry?

I think it needs reform. If you forcefully hurt a woman, you should be there. Maybe not forever. But just long enough. I also think certain crimes should be nowhere near that list, and that certain crimes should have exceptions.

Did you get treated differently in jail, being a kiddy diddler and all?

I initially signed into protective custody. When I tell you the amount of little girl BS these men would do on the daily. I couldn't take it. I signed out of P.C., got a job in the kitchen, and told everyone I was there for street racing.

Gotta say, street racing is an awesome cover.

I had enough material and knowledge to cover the story. At the time I had a built up Cavalier Z24. I had lots of pictures of it with me. It was my pride at the time. Motor swap, trans swap, the works. Everyone thought it was cool because they thought it was a granny car.

I heard it's not uncommon for prisoners to reach out to people on the outside to pull public records to check on what other people are in for. Were you ever worried about that?

It is true. The WebCrims website will give you all that info if the person is still going to court. It's all in your attitude and how you present yourself. If you give someone a funny feeling, they're going to do a little digging. I was a skinny white boy with a shit ton of car magazines, and pictures of a car I built that nobody had ever seen built up before.

Nothing to add. A guy I know was in a similar situation. The girl was 17 had a fake scannable ID and a college facebook back when they didn't allow high school students (She was taking a college course as part a program her high school offered). He met her at a bar and slept with her. She told him she was underage the next day. Lucky for him she didn't try to ruin his life or brag about it.

And I'm glad you've been able to get your life back.

Edit: see my comment below if you need more details about the situation and age of consent laws.

Thank you.

Did you have problems with the other inmates when they found out what you were convicted for?

In the holding cell at court, you're stored like cattle 20 deep in a 20x7 cell waiting to be called by the judge. My legal aid came right to the cell and just spilled the beans. When he left, I turned around to a not so nice site. This big...named Country introduced me to his fist.

While in the kitchen, there was another sex offender, under cover working too. He was a piece of shit though. He sold crack to an old woman in exchange for a few nights with her underage granddaughter. An officer who did not like that, whispered to the crew, "one of you is a rapist" and walked off. The crew found out it was him, but I signed back into p.c. anyway in fear he might say something again. I soon got sick of the nancy bullshit and signed back out, and into the kitchen again. That

What has the dating scene been like for you since your conviction? Are you legally obligated to tell prospective partners about your history? If you aren't, would you anyway?

Really respect you coming on here to talk about this, it's easy to stigmatize this kind of thing.

Dating is on and off. More on than off. In 8 years since it's happened, maybe only 3 woman have totally freaked out and said horrible stuff. A few mysteriously vanish, never to be heard from again. But mostly, woman understand. They were young too, and know what they did to entice older guys. I've dated many woman with kids who were totally fine with them around me. The kids loved me, and they were great. I'm not obligated to tell anyone...Except the PD when I move. I do tell 97% of the woman I meet. I have told every woman that I've met, that I felt there was something special. The unknowing 3%, simply don't know because I didn't think they're worth telling.

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All good points. I hope things work out well for him in the future. He's lucky to have a wife and kids! I can't wait for mine! :)

How does this effect your dating life. How do you go about telling your story to someone you like

I don't tell a prospective partner right away. I prefer to let them see who I am for a few weeks. The lifestyle I life, the people I associate with. As I begin to feel something might be there, I get very anxious. It builds and builds and builds. Sometimes it comes to a point of an emotional breakdown, and I HAVE to spill it, no matter what's going on.

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I do not have to. The school district I live in will handle that for me. They send out a letter to my neighbors. My landlord is very well known where I live. He owns 2 very lucrative beer distributors, so he knows many many people. At first everyone is nervous. But just like a cold, it spreads. First one finds out, Hey, he's not so bad a guy...And they tell a neighbor, and that neighbor tells a neighbor. Sure there's a few with a good immune system and don't give 2 flying shits what anyone has to say. They let the TV and newspaper do the thinking for them. Here's a good story.

Where I am now...Very very big house. Landlord got divorced, wife left him the house. I was renting a small studio, which was the original garage before the 3 car was built. There was a huge mother daughter built upstairs of the 3 car, with a mom and 15 year old daughter. I initially did not tell the landlord my situation. But when the mom found out, she flipped the F out and stopped paying her rent till he evicted me. I was served notice to leave, but she still would not pay till I was gone. Finally the landlord said fuck it. Pay me the rent, and you stay, I'll serve her tomorrow. I did, and he did. After he evicted her, he gave me her huge apartment for the same price I was paying for the studio. And here I sit, 2 years later in this house, 1 year later in this apartment.

Woah... glad that worked out for you, but that's kinda fucked on his part. I mean, it's not like she had the benefit of the full explanation you've given us here, ya know? I'd probably be uncomfortable with a surprise like that too.

I don't blame him. We were not close at that point in time, and to be honest. If I was in his situation, there's a good chance I may have acted similarly. He's a smart man though, and was able to figure it out.

Can you ever appeal the level? Or perhaps slowly bring it down?

New York is very hard on your level. I can hire an attorney and appeal my conviction, or I could go right to the criminal justice services and demand a re-level hearing with a lawyer. In the end, I'm just going to save my money and move someplace I don't have to register, like North Carolina. NY can suck it.

VT - I have a friend in a similar situation and he lives in VT now.

Yes from what I hear, all the upper north east states are not easy on sex offenders, but FAIR. Maine has a step-down clause where your level slowly lowers!

Did you lose any friends afterwards? Did your good friends come to visit you in jail?

I did, and good riddens to them. Some people like to say mean things when you do something that's not in accord with what they want. I was staying at a friends once, and his landlord said I had to leave...that night, now, GTFO type shit. But my "friend" Brandon needed a ride to court the next morning. He insisted I stay so i could drive him to court. I insisted I didnt feel comfortable because the landlord lived in the house with him. Now all of a sudden I'm a rapist pedophile blah blah. Fuck him and everyone like him. I'd rather it come out just like that because I don't want anyone in my life that would even fathom acting like that. 2 days before I was arrested, I had found a friend on Facebook from school I grew up with and lost contact with. In jail I had no way of contacting her...But sure as shit within 3 days of being arrested, she surprise visited me. First time I saw her in over 10 years. Love you Kristen ;-)

Ever heard of The Art of Racing In the Rain by Garth Stein? Your story reminds me a bit of one of the character's....

No I haven't, But I'm intrigued. I've already fired up google and wikipedia :-)

By all means, it's worth every penny. It's one of the wiser stories I've read. Hope you like dogs too :)

I'm a cat person, but dogs rule too. All animals actually. This is my kitty, her name is Patches http://imgur.com/0gospKH

It sounds like you had a shitty experience with your lawyers- any advice you'd have for someone facing charges?

NO LEGAL AID! Get someone that has a stake in your livelihood! Not some overloaded post grad school dweeb that needs to unload his work schedule. Get someone that truly has the need to help people in their heart!

If you both lived with your parents, where did you have sex / hang out at ?

cars, neighborhood hangout spots, movie theater, the mall, friends houses. There's plenty of places to go without having to hang out at home.

If you could've changed the situation, what would you have done?

Kept my dick in my pants? How about that for starters lol. I would definitely vet her id a little better

I am curious as to what the worst case scenario could have been if you had not cooperated as you did. The way you word this makes it seem that you were calm the whole time. Did you ever let out any anger?

I was terrified through the entire ordeal. I didn't have a lawyer or anyone on my side during questioning. I was alone. After I was released I was a very angry person. To this day sometimes it gets out. Maybe once every 2 months I'll have an outburst. I was reckless upon release. I didn't care who I screwed over for what. As long as in the end, I came out on top. I drove without a license and got arrested for that countless times. I let out my anger on myself by letting my life go to shit, or at least take a downward spiral. In NY, Rape 3 is an E Felony, which mandates 1-3 years upstate. You only usually get the mandated sentences when you're a problem repeat offender. Long Island jails are literally so overcrowded they have inmates sleeping in the jail gymnasium, and I shit you not, outside in a fucking circus tent on the jail property. Suffolk County Jail, top right corner, the white pill looking thing is the tent. https://www.google.com/maps?ll=40.815425,-72.922322&spn=0.004531,0.009205&t=h&z=17

how old did she look?

That's a silly question to ask. A major point here is that you can not judge a woman by looks anymore. We will leave it at, she looked old enough to be dating, and gave no indication of being so young.

Come on, there is no way a 14 year old looks and acts 18+.

If that's what you think, then that is fine. I advise you to get out of the house a little more though and visit some new places. Perhaps in your town it's that way.

What was dating like before you were convicted?

How did your family deal with this?

Normal dating life for a good liking early 20's man. My family was hurt. My drug addicted step-father was the only one hurtful about the whole thing. Whenever he'd get mad, or just be too fucked up to comprehend what he was saying, he'd throw some pretty hurtful terms around. He can rot in hell. :-D

Are you afraid of having to look for another job? It seems that your résumé would get thrown away immediately w/o consideration because of your past.

No I usually find jobs pretty easily. I have great references from previous employers. I work hard, and always look to better my skills. My resume is actually very nice. I have 3 FAA internships I did right before this whole fiasco along with a bunch of other nice stuff. The field I'm in is usually employed by people that lived an unsavory lifestyle at one time anyway, so unless I'm shooting to work for the MTA, or maybe a dealership, I'm good. I've actually done high end dealership work before, and it's not for me. The same problems day in and day out on the same vehicles. I'm the foreman at a diesel repair shop now. I touch everything from little forklifts to cranes that could lift our main building off it's foundation. The work varies greatly and keeps my ADD in check :-)

I don't have a question, but I wish you the very best of luck. You're very strong to have pulled through this far, and I do hope you continue to move onward and upward.

Thank you for the comment. You can go to sleep knowing you made someone genuinely smile tonight.

I don't care what you did, I care about what you do now.

Great attitude for him to have. In a situation like this, too many people would write you off at the sight of a sex offense without hearing the full story.

Do you think that the legal system is wrong in the way they handled yours and similar situations? This whole story seems very unfair to you and I would have been livid had it happened to me.

I think they were absolutely wrong. It should have been handled differently. To this day I don't quite get how a score sheet could label me most likely to re-offend, without me being interviewed about things like sexual preference, and things like that.

How did you feel learning her lies got you in trouble? Were you angry with her? Does that experience make you look at women differently now? Is dating difficult for you now?

They hurt me at first. I do have some trust issues with woman. Mostly with the woman that give it up right away. Def with those woman. The ones that want to wait, are the ones I like, and see something in. I wouldn't say it's difficult. Most woman understand. They were all young once.

How soon do you tell new ladies about this? I've always dated older, not drastically, I dated a 21-year-old at 17, for example. Someone who's had experiences with such issues, what do you think of such relationships?

It depends how fast things develop. Some conversations just lead to it right away, like on the first day. Most times it's about 3 weeks after we've met. I don't see a problem between 21 and 17. Both should be mature enough to understand what sex brings to the table. I would see a problem if said 21 year old was supplying the 17 year old with things like alcohol though.

Good for you man. Way to rise above that shit sandwich you were handed.

My question is this... how has this affected your love life? Oh and what did your grandma say?

It affects it somewhat. Most woman understand though, and remember being young, trying to get older guys attention. In 8 years, only about 3 have totally flipped out and said horrible stuff.

Do you ever get removed from the registry?

No. A level 3 is a keeper for life...Like herpes. I can move to another state though and not have to register at all. Not any state, certain ones. Or I could fight NY with a lawyer.

ITT: Level jokes and downvotes.

No questions, just sorry for the bullshit NY gave you. Hope you move out and enjoy life.

Thank you!

Did the girl ever get questioned in court at all? It's pretty crappy that some girls lie about their age like that and try to be the victim.

She was questioned by the detectives. I did not take it to trial. I knew I was guilty, and I only had legal aid. What was I to do? I took what is called a pre-indictment cop-out. I took a plea bargain before they could indict me.

What kind of bullshit plea bargain is that?!

If you admit you're guilty, you'll be a level 3 literallyhitler sex offender for the rest of your life.

Deal? Sweet.

I thought this was funny.

I was thinking get out of this place as fast as possible. I wanted to be with my family. I was terrified.

I can understand that.

Wish the prosecution could've made it just a little bit less of a dick move though.

For sure.

Do you feel like the law is unfairly favored towards women in situations such as this?

It seems as though you had a legitimate argument but not much sympathy from those who were supposed to help you in the justice system. I studied a bit of law in college and I can say that, sadly, while it is easy to manipulate younger to older age men using sex, they are rarely seen as the victims they are.

I feel like saying it favors women is a shitty thing to say. Perhaps over-protective. From what I understand, in cases like rape, there is no need for physical evidence to indict someone. All you need is a statement. That's a big step to take for just words and no proof.

One mistake and you are fucked over and beyond for this. Do I think it's your fault? Sure I do, everyone makes mistakes. That doesn't mean you should be branded a level 3 at all. You did your time, and even though the system fucked you it's nice to read the comments and hear your life has taken a turn for the better and I hope it stays that way.

Thank you! :)

I don't mean to be rude and I don't think she should have lied, but as a woman I'm a honestly bit confused as to how you thought a 14-year-old girl was an adult? According to my physiology textbook (and my memories from high school), most girls don't even finish puberty until age 16-17. There's a big difference between an eighth grade kid and a senior in high school. I mean, even if you take someone highly sexualized at a young age, say Miley Cyrus... there's a big difference. Google Miley Cyrus 2006 and compare to Miley Cyrus 2010. Big changes.

So, with no rudeness intended, how does a 23-year-old man meet a fourteen-year-old kid who lives with her parents and can't drive or drink alcohol or work (and who presumably has to attend school?) and not even think to himself, "Hmm. Maybe I should check her ID?" I mean, you say you were dating steadily, right? Shouldn't you have seen some rather glaring red flags?

First, I myself lived with my parent till I was 24, almost 25. So to me, a 19 year old living with her parents is nothing out of the ordinary. With that, I didn't even get my learners permit to drive till I was 19. So again, a 19 year old not driving was not out of my norm. She claimed to be 19, not 21, so the drinking is a non-issue. Aside from that, when has age ever stopped a kid from drinking? Very rarely. The relationship started over the summer, and ended in the beginning of September as school started. I didn't spend every moment talking to her, so whatever she was doing during the day is on her. Not everyone has a job. By steadily I certainly didn't mean I saw her every night. Maybe 2 or 3 times a week. As I've said here, and in the other sex offender discussion, her body was very mature for her age.

Thank you for your bravery, MachWun. And congrats reddit on your respectfulness!

In your personal experience, do most of the people who get the SO title deserve it? How can a person trust that they are hearing the truth about the offence from the SO?

That's a hard one to answer. I've met some real piece of shit sex offenders that make my skin curl and I just want to hit because they brought the laws up to the level they are at. And there are some that I've met or read about with worse stories than mine. I'd say don't pass judgement till you put in time to do some research of your own on the person. Look at the registry website, see the actual law the was broken, and what that law needs to happen to consider it broken. In my case, I was charged and convicted of Rape 3.

NY PL S 130.25 Rape in the third degree. A person is guilty of rape in the third degree when: 1. He or she engages in sexual intercourse with another person who is incapable of consent by reason of some factor other than being less than seventeen years old; 2. Being twenty-one years old or more, he or she engages in sexual intercourse with another person less than seventeen years old; or 3. He or she engages in sexual intercourse with another person without such person`s consent where such lack of consent is by reason of some factor other than incapacity to consent. Rape in the third degree is a class E felony.

With just this information alone you can put most of the pieces together. Now if they're accused of X, and they denied X ever happened or anything like X...That's another story. You're left with your gut feeling I suppose.

How fucking stupid do you have to be to think a 14 year old is over 16?

You should come take a walk through some of the malls here on Long Island before you pass judgement. This isn't some lone town in the mid-west somewhere.

That really doesn't have anything to do with it... 14 year olds have barely hit puberty.

It absolutely does. Brittany was at least a C cup, and when we met she was wearing what one would consider a club outfit. A halter top (did I spell that right), with some stretchy ass pants and heels. I assure you, she did not look 14