IAm Sean O'Neal, News Editor for The A.V. Club. Ask me anything.

Sean, who's your favorite Harry Potter character?

GET BACK TO WORK, GENEVIEVE.

Sean, thank you for doing Newswire every day. You're one of the few writers who does something profoundly creative and hilarious with the news, rather than just being overtly cynical and catty and passing it off as humor. I wanted to ask this: what is your typical process for writing a Newswire? What makes you go from a fairly normal story with humor to something as bizarre yet wonderful as the Entourage movie script or the Malick-TMZ piece?

EDIT: Also, have you ever considered writing/compiling a book of the best Newswires/Buzzkills/some other topic? Or will that come after Dan in Real Life 2: Back 2 Tha Life gets greenlit?

The book idea is nice, but Newswires have next to no shelf life. They're meant to be topical, and nothing is worse than topical humor immortalized in book form. Dan In Real Life 2, however, is an idea whose time has always come.

Boredom with myself, mostly. And the fact that I'm my own editor.

Why did I get a Community notification for this?

Also, working for The AV Club is probably a great job. What's the worst job you've ever had?

Tech support at Apple, followed closely by the year I spent cold-calling people in their homes, asking them to take surveys about computers. Basically anything involving the phone.

First, we thank you for popularizing that photo of Brett Ratner reading the Big Butt Book.

I'm wondering if there's anything you can tell us about the abrupt departure of A.V. Club editor Keith Phipps. Was there some dispute between him and the management at The Onion?

There's nothing really to tell. It just seemed to be time for a change. It wasn't like a scene from The Newsroom where he stomped in and gave some haughty speech about integrity or whatever. I miss Keith. We all miss Keith. But he's doing fine.

Are you THIS Sean O'Neal?

http://www.snpp.com/episodes/4F11.html

"Sean O'Neal: This was indescribably horrible. Just when I was beginning to get optimistic from last week's inside joke-themed "Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie," along comes an episode full of lame, "In Living Color"-style routines about homosexuals. Did Ron Hauge win a "Write a Simpsons Episode" contest or something? This was the first episode where I've ever hated any character, and here I had three to choose from : Homer, in super-doltish Al Bundy mode; Moe, who had nothing but lame bile and not one good line; and John Waters, who is the last person I would choose to do a voiceover. His "hoo!"s had me muting the TV halfway through. Simpsons episodes are about memorable lines, and this one had absolutely none. Please, get Ron Hauge a writing partner. (F)"

Ugh, yes. This is why you never write anything on the Internet, because it's immortal. That is angry 18-year-old Sean O'Neal, pent up in his dorm room, registering his disgust throughout the world.

I still don't like that episode, by the way.

Would you rather fight one giant Todd VanDerWerff, or fifty tiny Scott Tobiases? Why?

Fifty tiny Scott Tobiases. They would all get very flustered and debate for half an hour whether they should even be doing this.

Was there music before Dawes?

Ha ha ha, DAWES.

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I enjoy Cookie Monster. I have a stupid affinity for the Taco Bell Bell. I saved that guy from getting deleted I don't know how many times.

Which Newswire headline/image are you most proud of? This particular combination is a new favorite of mine.

I'm pretty proud of the Saw guy on a waterslide.

If Brett Ratner were to unexpectedly die today, would his obituary have the picture of him reading the Big Butt Book, and if not, WHY NOT?

I think about this a lot, actually. Mostly I just hope he doesn't die.

Okay guys, thanks for this. There were way more people (as in "more than zero") than I thought there would be. I'm going to have to end now so I can get back to actual work. I hope this was entertaining in some small way, and also that it was the most spiritually edifying experience of your life, so that the rest of your days will be spent futilely trying to recapture this feeling.

What was your favorite Newswire to write? Maybe just the most memorable as you've done so many. Love them.

I tend to like the ones that other people find baffling or outright hate: the ones about Terrence Malick, for example, or that one told from the perspective of a bunny who was relieved to hear that John Goodman got cast in the next Hangover.

Also, this old one I wrote about the McDonald's Snack Wrap: http://www.avclub.com/articles/daily-buzzkills-the-mcdonalds-mac-snack-wrap-and-t,32687/

Hi Sean, let me just start out by saying that I read your articles every morning to avoid working, even if it’s only for a few minutes, and I love every second of that procrastination. Your articles are absolutely hilarious and contain immense wit, as someone who works in film it’s the only way I like to read my film news. Does the added element of writing humor into your articles limit the amount you are able to write in a day, or does the humor come very naturally to your writing and the av club just chooses to limit the amount of articles in a day?

Yes, it limits the amount I'm able to write in a day—as does doing things like this!—but my reasoning has always been that you can get this news on dozens of other sites. Only on our site can you get it filtered through some convoluted absurdist thing that's funny specifically to me.

Your contempt for the vapidity of the pop culture zeitgeist seems pretty genuine, which puts you in a unique position among entertainment journalists. Is it kind of draining on your soul to be so deeply immersed in that world all the time?

I feel like this question should be accompanied by the sound of a dripping faucet, filmed in stark black and white. Maybe while a clown cries in the corner.

Anyway, I think the conception that I'm a dark, tormented person, whipped by the violent winds of pop culture's howling abyss, is sort of overstated. I honestly don't think my contempt is any more genuine than any other online or TV jackass whose job it is to make comedy hay out of this stuff. I'm fine, really.

Hello, Sean.

One of the reasons that I enjoy reading the A.V. Club is that the personalities of all the writers shine through. You're not just reading reviews and news stories at face value, but reading them through the eyes of a passionate pop culture consumer. With that said, do you consider the A.V. Club a site where the staff are allowed to mature into old age? Or does the site benefit from a revolving door of "new blood?" Where do you see yourself in ten years? NO COMEDY ANSWERS PLEASE!

In 10 years? Hopefully in a nicer neighborhood, maybe somewhere I can finally get a dog. But to answer your question, yes, the AVC is really, unusually great about nurturing the staff and/or not just firing them. Many of us have been around for six-plus years, which is all but unheard of in this landscape. But I don't think it's an either/or, as obviously we've also benefited greatly from new people—particularly in TV Club, where a ton of great writers came out of the woodwork.

That said, I fear every morning that today is the day I'm going to be discovered and sent back to office temping, where I belong. I'm always really grateful when I make it to 6pm without that happening.

Can you explain how having such a strong no-freelancer policy benefits the site?

Context for why I'm asking: I recently wrote a piece that was picked up by many mainstream outlets, A.V. Club included. You posted it in your news section, along with your own (very enjoyable) take on it. It worked out beautifully for me, and definitely generated more revenue than a freelance fee would. But in an alternate universe, I probably would shop stories like that to you guys. From a layman's perspective, it seems having news originate from the A.V. Club would bring more readers in and further strengthen your position as an entertainment news source, wouldn't it? So what's behind the decision to not do that?

Well, first of all, I don't make the rules, etc. etc. That said, we actually do have a fairly open-door policy for trying out to be a contributor to TV Club, provided you can properly impress Todd, and a lot of our writers have used that as a back door to writing more things on the site. (Just look at the AVQ&A entries, which are almost 75% freelance contributors these days.)

As for contributing news stories, I have tried out freelancers there, but the time and workload demands usually prove to be too much for them to do on a freelance basis. I am considering issuing another open call to try again. Maybe you can try out.

I follow the reviews on the A.V. club religiously for TV. When contributers are assigning grades to each episode, it is up to that individual reviewer, or is there some discussion about it?

Also, why did you guys only do the last season of the Wire? You go back and do so many awesome show recaps of shows that have ended(like Scrubs/Seinfeld...) Why not do the Wire? I need someone to break those first seasons down for me academically, like you guys do for other dramas like Madmen.

It's up to the individual reviewer, and most of the time it's intended to make you angry. You, specifically.

How much in love did you fall with St. Vincent, Sean?

My wife thinks it was a lot. Who hasn't fallen in love with St Vincent? I defy you to spend any amount of time with her and not fall in love with her, unless you are a robot. In which case, get away from that robot, St Vincent! It has no capacity for love!

How many times have you used the Brett Ratner butt photo in your career?

A better question would be how many times have I not used it.

Can you tell me whether or not I should really be watching Adventure Time? Friends tell me I should and yet I haven't.

I have no idea. I hear it's a show but I haven't watched it. On a possibly related topic, I don't take mushrooms anymore.

Why do fools fall in love?

Because they need health insurance.

How does it feel to be the 2012 AV Club writer of the year?

I could do without the constant hazing from the other AV Club writers, but otherwise thanks for that.

Sean. Todd VanDerWerff. Is there something going on there?

Miles and miles of geographical distance cooling a white-hot love love affair. Or something.

If you opened a BBQ restaurant, what would be the best items on the menu?

I don't have an answer for this. Why didn't I think more about my imaginary BBQ restaurant before agreeing to do this?! Damn it! This phantom BBQ restaurant is out of business before it even began!

Has anyone you've ever written about snarkily then come into contact with you about it? Anyone take it badly or pretty well?

I had an encounter with Thomas Jane a while back where I, of my own drunken volition, told him about my "Thomas Jane is gay for sandwiches" post. He laughed about it, then went back to being handsome ol' famous Thomas Jane.

http://www.avclub.com/articles/thomas-jane-says-he-used-to-be-gay-for-sandwiches,62761/

What about your heartbreaking (for me) Twitter fight with Marc Maron?

Oh yeah, that was dismaying for me as well. We've worked it out since then, fortunately.

Sean, Has an AVClub commenter ever made a comment that you wish you had thought of first?

I envied the guy who wrote the "Jonah Hill in Far Side: The Movie" comment, though I generally try to not make jokes about appearances, so I probably wouldn't have gone that route. Or at least, that's what I tell myself, to quench my burning jealousy.

Also, a couple of years ago I wrote about Vanilla Ice playing Captain Hook in a Peter Pan pantomime, and someone said something like, "I bet he just stole that hook." I briefly considered quitting.

What type of new stuff can we expect from AV Club in 2013?

A new branded feature every hour! "Sit Down And Watch Breaking Bad," a new video series in which Patton Oswalt sits down and watches Breaking Bad! AVBBQ&A, where staff members answer questions about barbecue! Community notifications! Probably a news story about Ben Gibbard doing something! At least some of these are honest answers!

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Yes, almost all of the actual staff are in Chicago in a single office, except for Todd VanDerWerff and Noel Murray. (And yes, our various freelancers/TV Club contributors are scattered all over.) Right now I could throw something and hit Tasha, Nathan, Scott, Josh, Kyle, Genevieve, Marah, or Erik Adams (were he not in LA at the moment). But I won't, because we don't throw things. Throwing things is wrong.

Also, Genevieve and Marah and Erik and I spend a lot of time socializing outside of work. I've seen almost all of them throw up.

Do you have any plans to write for TV / do any writing work outside of AV club and The Onion?

I worked on a pilot that didn't get picked up... Of course I'd like to work on something like that again. Are you by any chance producer Greg Daniels?

Will you and Paul F Tompkins please team up in some sort of Best Week Ever reboot? Thanks in advance.

No, Chuck Nice.

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Thanks. I've explained this before, but yes, I hope that everyone gets that it's a reference to Star Wars trying to get off the ground amid unhelpful chatter. It has layers!

Can you share what you've written for The Onion? Does it follow the same pop culture slant as your Newswires?

We generally don't like to spread around bylines, since it's all a collaborative effort anyway. But some do concern pop culture, some don't.

You seem to have met a fair amount of celebrities - who is your favorite, the person you'd most like to have a drink with?

Also, least favorite AV Club meme?

I spent several hours having an unexpectedly leisurely lunch with Nick Offerman, followed by a phone interview so long I actually had to beg off so I could do some work. We didn't have a drink, but we both enjoy scotch and made vague plans to enjoy scotch together someday.

I'm not overly fond of "Sean O'Neal is dead/a robot/a zombie." What if I really died then became a robot or zombie? Then what?

How much leeway are you given on story selection? Are you largely choosing what's covered, or are you assigned stories, or are you given a number of stories to choose from and then you pick out some you like?

Or is it not even that structured?

Not even that structured. I'm the News Editor, so everything goes through me. I say, "Hey, maybe this would be funny," and then News Editor me says, "Go with it! You're my superstar!" And then I say, "Your confidence is making me uncomfortable."

Since Keith Phipps left the AVClub, in which direction do you hope the AVClub editorial policy and leadership will head, and in which direction do you think it will actually go?

Honestly, the leadership at the site has always been very hands-off and always about allowing writers to develop their own voice. I get that Keith leaving probably seems, to an outsider, like a huge deal that signifies some sort of regime change, but—as much as we personally miss Keith—we're continuing along the same path that he set out for us.

Now that he's gone, I do get fewer crappy DVDs on my desk that Keith thought I "should have." That sort of "change in leadership" is always welcome.

Oh, did you ever have a haircut like Bobby Briggs from Twin Peaks?

I don't think so. I think Kyle used to.

How long does it normally take to write an article? Do you put a lot of effort into making them so funny?

Anything longer than 30 minutes is generally too long and not going to be very funny, so somewhere around there. I used to spend three to five hours writing Friday and Daily Buzzkills, which is why I don't do that anymore.

How do you determine which pop culture gets through and what gets weeded out?

"Can I make this into a joke" and "Will someone post this in the comments of another article if I don't address it" are generally the two factors I consider. Or if it's something about a podcast or Bob Mould, it's probably because Kyle Ryan made me do it.

1) Are you in the same office as VanDerWerff, or do y'all work from home?

2) Have you ever run anybody's underpants up a flagpole (including TVDW)?

3) How did you get this gig, and what advice (if any) do you have for aspiring writers?

1) Todd lives in LA. I work in the Chicago office.

2) Well, now I will.

3) I answered a Craigslist add seeking someone to be the Austin city editor in '06, back when the Austin edition existed, and after jumping through several hoops and convincing Josh Modell that I wouldn't be terrible at it, here I am. My advice would be to go through websites with an open-door submission policy for a while and build up your résumé there, like I did at PopMatters. Or get an awesome girlfriend who still combs the writing/editing jobs on Craigslist while you're working at the video store because you've given up.

Thank you so much for writing things. Seriously, you've brightened many an otherwise painful office morning for me with your hilarious posts. I owe you a drink.

If you could write an in-depth profile (a la Stephen Rodrick's NYT Magazine article on Lindsay Lohan) on any pop-culture mainstay, who would it be and why?

I would genuinely love to follow James Franco around for a day, for probably obvious reasons. And I think he would genuinely never allow that to happen, for equally obvious reasons.

If you could do more reviewing instead of the newswire, what would you like to do? Would you do more music or movies reviews, or a specific TV show? Or maybe you would more For Your Considerations, or write a book? I'm curious where your interests lie beyond pop culture commentary.

I did music reviews for our site for a long time (and still do some occasionally), and I did TV Club entries for shows like South Park. I definitely didn't find either as rewarding as just writing whatever I wanted to and trying to make myself laugh. I know that's probably hard to believe.

Like I tell Josh whenever we have employee reviews: I look at myself as the resident smartass—the "And now, on the lighter side of the news" guy—whose crap is made possible by the ballast of the genuine work my much more thoughtful colleagues provide. Then I quote that scene from Talk Radio where Alec Baldwin tells Eric Bogosian, "You're the joker in my deck and I love you," and Josh tells me he didn't see it.

Can you briefly describe your past leading up to working at the AV Club?

Playing in bands and waiting tables/office temping > dark drug-fueled period > no longer playing in bands and working at a video store > freelancing for various websites > finding a girlfriend who believed I could actually be a writer who insisted I try out for The AV Club > unbelievable amounts of money and respect.

You are almost universally adored it seems by AVC commenters, and yet on your twitter and sometimes on the AVC itself you consistently seem pretty misanthropic about how people on the internet regard you.

Is there a reason for the disconnect that isn't as obvious to those looking in?

I guess I only notice the bad stuff, like a lot of "public figures" (even the incredibly minor ones like me). If there are a dozen nice comments and then one negative comment letting me know that I'm not funny and why, then I will naturally obsess over that one comment. Also, it would be boring to constantly retweet the positive comments on Twitter. That's why I unfollowed Judd Apatow.

Hey Sean, Long time, first time...

I've noticed that your Newswire stories tend to have favorite targets. Will Smith and Lindsey Lohan come to mind. What is it about certain celebrities that makes you keep returning to them? Also, along the same lines, are certain Newswire pieces fueled by a genuine dislike of the person or is it all just for the lulz?

The fact that they're constantly in the news helps. They also have such well-defined personae and a vast history of interlocking references within that—giant trailers, for example, or the way that every Lohan story immediately transforms into a JFK-like conspiracy. I'm attracted to the narrative.

I'm not particularly fond of Dane Cook, I guess. But mostly it's just about the laughs.

what about Paltrow? she seems to come up quite often as well.

I love writing about Paltrow because I secretly wish I wrote for Real Simple magazine or Sephora catalogs.

How much TV do you watch weekly? Any favorite shows? (currently airing or all time)

A normal amount, I think... I watch the same shows most of you watch (NBC Thursdays, AMC, HBO). My favorites of all time? The Sopranos, Mystery Science Theater 3000, The Larry Sanders Show, Kids In The Hall.

Joel or Mike?

Joel, definitely. I get into arguments with Erik Adams about this all the time.

Thanks for doing this AMA! I love The A.V. Club and The Onion (especially the real newsprint). I have 3 questions.

1. What's your favorite thing you've ever written?

2. What's your favorite A.V. Club/The Onion article you wish you had written?

3. When the Onion first started it had coupons for pizza and other things, but seemed to be the same type of deals we still get today. Were those coupons real?

Thanks again!

1. I think I answered this up top. Also, there was this humor column I wrote for my junior high newspaper where I totally stuck it to my history teacher Mr. Brown and his weird love affair with his stapler. Ha ha, suck it, Mr. Brown! You're weirdly possessive of your stapler!

2. That's a hard one. Steve's "Whatever Happened To Alt Nation" articles seemed to enthrall my wife, who almost never reads my stuff, so I had some real professional jealousy there. And my favorite Onion story changes all the time. I recently had a good laugh over recalling this one: http://www.theonion.com/articles/im-a-cloud-factory,11165/

3. Yes, they're still real, and still valid. Don't leave your local pizzeria until they accept them. Talk louder if you must.

Can you wake up a little earlier so us East Coast folks don't have to wait until noon for the funnies to start rolling in?

No.

What kind of other formats (or whatever you want to call it: interviews, novels, etc) are you, as a writer, interested in doing/exploring?

I really don't like doing interviews, actually. I came up with Random Roles because I hated prepping for them and I hate the canned answers they usually produce. So not that.

Like everyone ever, I've had several novels in various states of progress, I've written four screenplays of varying degrees of awful, and I wrote a TV pilot that didn't get picked up but wasn't that bad. I have another one I've fleshed out that I should sit down and actually write, some day when I'm not too tired from writing Newswire and just want to drink.

I saw your picture in a The Onion article not too long ago. (sorry, don't have the link) Is that common for The Onion to use staff photos (either AV Club or The Onion) in their articles? Or perhaps better yet do they NOT use staff in their photos?

Yep! Scott Tobias is in one this week, as the guy with freshly reenergized hate for his job. We all share an office, so we're easy to get.

My Onion photo happened like this: "So, we had this story we thought you'd be good for, about a complete know-it-all asshole whom everyone hates..." (paraphrasing)

• Is Goodfellas by chance your favorite movie of all time? (It definitely is mine). Every time you write an article related to Goodfellas, you quote all the greatest lines, which I think is fucking awesome. Keep up the great work, man.

• Do you watch Doctor Who at all? If so, who is your favorite character?

• Have you seen Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (starring Neil Patrick Harris)? You should.

• Favorite ice cream flavor?

It is, yes.

No.

Yes.

I'm actually kinda lactose intolerant.

Do you miss the long form of Friday Buzzkills at all? Or is has the frequent and short form of newswires been easier/more satisfying?

Sometimes, though as I said up above, it used to take me almost an entire workday to do them, and I definitely don't miss that. But yes, there was a craft to them that only many hours of me unnecessarily overwriting things, pacing around while muttering to my cat, and considering quitting my job entirely at least once a day could produce. But I hope having more stories to read generally makes up for it.

Since AVClub was notoriously silent on this record, can we get a few words from you on this, Sean?

Sounds like dick.

(My pal Johnny, everyone.)

A couple of possibly uninspired questions: Do you have any plans on collecting the old Friday Buzzkills for people, or yourself, to look back on? What's the story behind A Roman Scandal? Do you keep in touch with those Trail of Dead guys?

Like in a hardbound book, or...? Probably not. They're easily found as is.

A Roman Scandal was one of several bands I was in, though the only one with a functioning Wikipedia page. I played guitar and ended up having to fill in on lead vocals when Jason abruptly left, right before our tour with The Faint, to go record Source Tags And Codes. Our last show was on a rooftop in downtown Austin where the PA blew out, and Jason threw a guitar down onto 5th Ave. Great story, I know. And yes, I'm still friends with Jason, friendly with Conrad and Kevin. I just saw them in November. Jason's a total boring dad now.

I have the same name as you. But I'm the funny one

Obviously.

Your Franco updates are easily my favorite things to show up on AV Club. Could you compile a faux-criticism about the new Franco movement?

Hyden and Vanderwerff are now writing at awful, terrible, shitty fucking Grantland.com, in addition to their AV Club duties. Have you been contacted to do work elsewhere? Do you already do this and I don't know about it?

I've written some stuff here and there and had some offers. But I really like what I'm doing. And come on now, Grantland's not so bad. Steve seems happy there.

I don't know what The New Franco Movement is, but I'm going to abandon my workaday existence to join it right now, and I urge you all to do the same.

Sean!

I heard a rumor you helped write a short sitcom that was pitched...any truth to that?

Love your writing style. Funny, yet articulate.

I started actively following your articles after reading this one .

"So on the scale of 'tough moments,' basically it goes 'I'm-a let you finish' > “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” > Katrina, 9/11, Iraq and Afghanistan, etc."

Yep.

Yep, that's true.