Sean O'Neal

I enjoy Cookie Monster. I have a stupid affinity for the Taco Bell Bell. I saved that guy from getting deleted I don't know how many times.

GET BACK TO WORK, GENEVIEVE.

Fifty tiny Scott Tobiases. They would all get very flustered and debate for half an hour whether they should even be doing this.

I envied the guy who wrote the "Jonah Hill in Far Side: The Movie" comment, though I generally try to not make jokes about appearances, so I probably wouldn't have gone that route. Or at least, that's what I tell myself, to quench my burning jealousy.

Also, a couple of years ago I wrote about Vanilla Ice playing Captain Hook in a Peter Pan pantomime, and someone said something like, "I bet he just stole that hook." I briefly considered quitting.

Ugh, yes. This is why you never write anything on the Internet, because it's immortal. That is angry 18-year-old Sean O'Neal, pent up in his dorm room, registering his disgust throughout the world.

I still don't like that episode, by the way.

I feel like this question should be accompanied by the sound of a dripping faucet, filmed in stark black and white. Maybe while a clown cries in the corner.

Anyway, I think the conception that I'm a dark, tormented person, whipped by the violent winds of pop culture's howling abyss, is sort of overstated. I honestly don't think my contempt is any more genuine than any other online or TV jackass whose job it is to make comedy hay out of this stuff. I'm fine, really.

Ha ha ha, DAWES.

I think about this a lot, actually. Mostly I just hope he doesn't die.

Not even that structured. I'm the News Editor, so everything goes through me. I say, "Hey, maybe this would be funny," and then News Editor me says, "Go with it! You're my superstar!" And then I say, "Your confidence is making me uncomfortable."

It's up to the individual reviewer, and most of the time it's intended to make you angry. You, specifically.