The official term for me is CODA: Child of a Deaf Adult(s). Both my parents are deaf, this makes things a lot more interesting (and difficult). Especially when you're really young and don't fully understand it. I am equipped with funny stories, and not so funny stories. I'm also pretty aware of social issues regarding the Deaf Community. So ask away.

Edit: sorry guys I didn't expect everyone to hop on this. I'm super pumped to answer all your questions and as I am recently unemployed I will have plenty of time to do that. But a friend just came over so I must entertain. Keep asking. I promise ill get to then in a bit Thanks guys!

Edit: I'm back, and typing with my thumbs on an Android so this will be painfully slow. Also, to clear some confusion I've noticed, I am a hearing female. Not deaf, no penis. Sorry to those who were mislead.

Edit: OKAY my phone is dying, thumbs hurting. I'll be back, thanks for all the questions. I didn't expect it all. My mom and dad say thanks too this made their day. My mom also wanted me to say, shes still very observant, and my grandma still lives with us.

Edit: my moms schools website, Mill Neck school for the deaf in New York. I'm not sure how much this proves anything but i'm working on something better. My mom is refusing to let me record a video of her signing.

Edit: so overwhelmed, so appreciative of the interest, and so entertained by people and the dumb shit they say. To all the Puerto rican CODA's I am your long lost sister/cousin. To everyone else, you're awesome, i'll keep trying to get to as many questions as I can throughout the day. THANKS AGAIN GUYS.

Comments: 2856 • Responses: 33  • Date: 

ukzel1660 karma

Do you bother to turn down the volume when you watch porn?

FearYeTheRipper1739 karma

Yes I have 2 hearing brothers and a grandma in the house.

wangsicle893 karma

When you were a child, or baby rather, how did you parents know if you were in need of something (crying wouldn't have done anything), were they always having you in plain sight so they could actually see you?

FearYeTheRipper1481 karma

My grandma lives with us that helped. but my mom is extremely observant and kept me in view constantly

MrMarriott864 karma

Is it true that deaf couples have louder than usual sex?

FearYeTheRipper873 karma

I honestly don't know, they probably do though considering they can't hear themselves grunt and moan or what have you.

mazipha825 karma

Dit it take you more time than others kids to learn how to speak ?

FearYeTheRipper1315 karma

Not for me, I started talking at 8 months old and wouldn't shut the Fuck up. But my younger brother couldn't communicate in the dark and my older brother didn't speak till he was 2 and in preschool insisted he too was deaf

digger_ex_pat943 karma

... my younger brother couldn't communicate in the dark ...

Could you elaborate on that?

FearYeTheRipper2136 karma

He associated speaking with looking and if he couldn't see your face he just didn't realize you could still communicate without watching someone's hands and face

yellowbrandywine670 karma

I too am a Coda, raised in remote Nebraska, so I knew from an early age my folks were different. Did you ever feel as though you were merely your parents' interpretor growing up or were you encouraged to be more independent?

FearYeTheRipper1007 karma

I was definitely an interpreter. My dads also from Puerto Rico and has issues even with asl. I remember talking to cops when pulled over when I was in 1st grade

thegrandspanker243 karma

Whoa. I'm also a Coda and my dad is from Puerto Rico...Are you my sister?

FearYeTheRipper91 karma


d-nj669 karma

Do you often tell them to fuck off when you know they can't read your lips?

FearYeTheRipper1433 karma

Yes and my mom has this issue where if I talk in front of her and she doesn't see my face I'm automatically talking shit about her so.sometimes I walk by, turn my head and say potato salad or something, and she'll be like "hey I know you cursed at me!"

ken27238641 karma

I am equipped with funny stories

can we hear one?

FearYeTheRipper1836 karma

One time my family went to the ripleys aquarium and the entire time she kept telling us to keep quiet and just look. Before we left we had to sit quietly with my grandma for a while. I found out my mom went to the manager and explained that we were all deaf and it was an audio tour and she felt it was not fair that her children didn't enjoy the same experience as everyone else and she got all her money back. My moms a schemer.

FearYeTheRipper1313 karma

One time my family went to the ripleys aquarium and the entire time she kept telling us to keep quiet and just look. Before we left we had to sit quietly with my grandma for a while. I found out my mom went to the manager and explained that we were all deaf and it was an audio tour and she felt it was not fair that her children didn't enjoy the same experience as everyone else and she got all her money back. My moms a schemer.

FearYeTheRipper1310 karma

One time my family went to the ripleys aquarium and the entire time she kept telling us to keep quiet and just look. Before we left we had to sit quietly with my grandma for a while. I found out my mom went to the manager and explained that we were all deaf and it was an audio tour and she felt it was not fair that her children didn't enjoy the same experience as everyone else and she got all her money back. My moms a schemer.

FearYeTheRipper1220 karma

Sorry I posted that 3 times my phone is stupid.

Ter3nce541 karma

How do you convey tonal inflection,such as sarcasm, in ASL?

FearYeTheRipper1349 karma

It's all in the eyebrows.

TheAlmightyConch506 karma

I knew a girl who had deaf parents and she got a lot of shit for it. Did this happen to you and if so how did you deal with it?

P.S. Children are cruel.

FearYeTheRipper642 karma

Not really people just asked me things like why am I not deaf, how do they drive, do they have mental issues too, stuff like that.

Golden-Calf801 karma

I had a deaf girl in my driver's ed class in high school. The teacher was ancient (over 70) and had been teaching driver's ed for over 40 years. Anyway we're doing the chapter on what to do if you hear a siren coming. He starts talking about it, looks at the deaf girl, realizes he's been using the words "hear" and "listen" a lot... pauses for a minute, looks at her ASL translator, then continues using the exact same phrasing. I think he'd been teaching the same course so long that he didn't even know how to rephrase his lesson. After class he goes up to the deaf girl and says "Since you won't be able to hear the sirens, you'll just have to listen extra hard for them".

FearYeTheRipper542 karma

Wowwww. It's like when people scream at someone that can't speak English. It's not gonna all of the sudden be able to.hear you if you're loud as shit.

NoAttentionAtWrk128 karma

How do they talk when they drive ?

FearYeTheRipper631 karma

They drive with their knees or forearms its terrifying.

sterlingarcher0069485 karma

A friend of mine was getting bitched at by a teacher when the teacher said, "You're going to be in big trouble when I talk to your parents." He replied, "You can't talk to my parents." "What do you mean I can't talk to your parents?" "They're deaf." And the teacher lost her shit and left the classroom.

Has this ever happened to you?

FearYeTheRipper606 karma

Sort of. This reminds me what I tell people when they ask if I can speak sign language. No one can speak sign language.

Lagoot403 karma


FearYeTheRipper937 karma

She screams, its not pleasant.

tweetattom383 karma

I just this week started an ASL class at my university. As a hearing individual whose known ASL his whole life, any tips for learning to sign, or any general advice for when communicating?

FearYeTheRipper862 karma

Make deaf friends. Keep eye contact. Always sign when you speak if possible, even when you address a hearing person in front of the deaf person. If not its considered extremely rude.

undergradpepper348 karma

What was it like as a kid, as far not understanding why/realizing everyones elses parents could hear. I was in a military family and i always thought it was strange when peoples parents werent in the military. Is this similar. Also whats the best part?

FearYeTheRipper665 karma

For a while I thought everyone's parents were like mine. Till hit preschool and met teachers. For me the best part was having what i felt like was my own secret language.

Pantagruelist247 karma

Is there anything that to this day you feel like you missed out on, or are unable to do as well as other people because of your upbringing?

On the reverse, is there an incredibly unique experience, skill, or trait that you think you acquired as a result that other people are missing out on? (I assume you know sign language, so not counting that)

FearYeTheRipper600 karma

I feel like I grew up faster. I had to be able to have adult conversations as young as 6 years old. I consider that a good and bad thing. Skills: I have amazing eye contact, I tell a story really well because I basically perform it whether I'm signing or not. And I can read lips pretty well too.

zeroblack244 karma

Do you absent-mindedly start signing when you talk with non-deaf people?

FearYeTheRipper575 karma

No but my grandma does it all the time. It's hilarious, I love it.

Oralmaster201 karma

One of my best friends growing up had deaf parents. We used to take advantage of it because we could get away with just about anything. Looking back, we were total shitheads and I feel kind of bad. Did you ever take advantage of your parents disability just to be a dick?

FearYeTheRipper284 karma

To an extent. I talked about things they'd be pissed about with my friends in front of them, I still do actually. But never negatively. When I was young I don't think it even occurred to me I could take advantage of it.

alixbydesign140 karma

In Minnesota the deaf community is a really loving group of people (mind you it's a huge group of people), everyone is so open to "outsiders" and even CODA's seem to be treated as an equal. Is this the same for you? Did your parents ever involve themselves in the deaf community and include you and your siblings too? Is there even a set deaf community where you live where they have events and gatherings together?

I'm obsessed with ASL, I want to be fluent so bad, but alas I don't have any deaf friends or family near, the only person I communicate with is my ASL teacher from HS and we only meet up maybe 2-3x a year now :'(

FearYeTheRipper293 karma

Deaf video chatrooms. It's such a strong tight community and yes my mom is heavily involved. She does social work with young abused deaf girls.

iStuart136 karma

How did your parents meet? It seems interesting that they're both deaf and got married.

FearYeTheRipper267 karma

Just a mutual friend nothing too crazy

DaystarEld87 karma

Has the explosion of mobile texting helped significantly in communicating with your parents? What was the introduction of that like?

FearYeTheRipper219 karma

Good and bad. It was cool at first, and made things way easier. But now my mom texts me every time a thought enters her head.

pyper7061 karma

I had a friend in high school who had deaf parents, his dad would pick us up at school to go swimming and his dad would have AC/DC blaring on the car stereo, not sure why, maybe he liked the beat. Everyone was always impressed with how cool his dad was.

FearYeTheRipper130 karma

Sounds a lot like my dad except with NWA instead of ACDC. Acronyms are fun.

13_0_0_0_060 karma

Do people tell you that you talk loud? I had a friend who's a CODA and my god I could hear him from the next state. I always wondered if this was a common thing.

FearYeTheRipper136 karma

Yes, especially when im excited about something. I need to work on that. My dad is the loudest deaf person I've ever met. I get it from him.

TheBauhausCure48 karma

Are you fluent in ASL?

Or, should I say: Nice meet you! My name what? Sarah. You sign?

FearYeTheRipper66 karma

Yes me B-R-A-N-D-Y nice meet you

damphoussed34 karma

Fellow CODA here. I was raised by a deaf single mother who had undergone intensive speech therapy as a child and is a very skilled lip reader. It's because of this that she could hold a normal job and support her family, something she claims alienated her from the deaf community because she "wasn't deaf enough" and didn't engross herself fully in deaf culture.

Everything I know about the deaf community is hearsay from my mother, but does that kind of exclusive mindset really exist?

FearYeTheRipper42 karma

Yes, a lot of deaf people have an us vs them mentality. It's sad, but not everyone is like that. My mom too had a lot of speech therapy which made some things easier but shes extremely self conscious about it.

Ty_lerrr21 karma


FearYeTheRipper32 karma

You have no idea.

bearzRchill21 karma

and not so funny stories

Can you tell us one?

FearYeTheRipper53 karma

People talk shit about my dad at work so much. They take advantage of him. He's extremely smart and hard working and does a lot for people, and all my life people were always calling him retarded and stuff like that.

jungle_i18 karma

What is the Most comical moment to ever occur with your family? Does not need to be deaf-related.

FearYeTheRipper50 karma

Last year on thanksgiving my mom and dad tried to play a prank where they put a chicken in the turkey like it was pregnant or something. They were freaking out and laughing like they had gotten us so good. And my brothers and I just sat there discussing how turkeys lay eggs. Kind of funny... I couldn't think of anything.