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IAmA Guy who found a long-lost sister neither of us (including our families) ever knew existed, at 20 years old.
To start, a bit about my background. I was born both black and white, each side of my families being predominantly of one ethnicity only. My father's side of the family (white), was extremely horrible to us, especially my mother, and has always been very racist. My father was a bit of a troublemaker, and before I was even one year old, he was killed by two policemen in a prison.
So, that being said, I've never had a relationship with him or that part of the "family". (Despite many attempts by my mother to forgive them, which failed).
I grew up as an only child, to a single mother my whole life. I had always wanted a brother/sister, and envied my friends who did, especially the ones who took theirs for granted. We moved a lot when I was a kid, and I really didn't make any close friends until around high school.
In 2008, I got a message on Facebook around 11pm at night.
It asked me if my father's name was "____". - This was perplexing, because one, this was a stranger. Totally random name, person, etc, and two... well no one knew my dad or his name except my family...
After saying "yes... who is this, and how did you know that?", I received, "Well, because he's my father too... and I think I'm your sister."
We talked for hours, and quickly realized we had to meet. Her mother was only a teen when she was pregnant with my sister, and after finding out, never told our dad about having the baby. She put the baby up for adoption at birth, and my sister was raised many miles away in another city, along with another adopted child, her brother. My sister is about 6 years older than I, and has never been known of by anyone on either side of my family. She had found out she was adopted around 18, and after many years of searching, found HER mother.
She was/is a wreck. My sister was lucky to get the family she had. Her biological, although said mess, did lead her to some contacts on our father's side... this also went terribly. She met up with those folks a few years before meeting me, only to be almost cussed out, mocked, and rejected immediately. Before leaving though, one of them had gave her some pictures, one having a picture of my mom and our dad. My sister asked about this mysterious black woman, and found out that she had a child to our dad (me). She got my name and hers, and kept searching.
Years later... she finds me.
Here's the crazy part:
My sister and I look almost identical. Maybe not TWINS per-say, but everyone tells us how we look so alike. My mother cried when I told her the news, but almost passed out when she saw my sister in real life for the first time.
My sister and I went to college in the same city, for almost the same degrees (art), both play almost all the same musical instruments, and even dress alike.
We have almost identical personalities, senses of humor, taste in tv/music/movies. We even sound the same.
and finally:
My sister moved from the small town she was raised in, and lived in the city we both went to school at. We both lived in this city... THREE BLOCKS APART.... FOR YEARS. My kitchen window faced HER KITCHEN WINDOW, and to this day, I drive past either place and can barely fathom the odds.
My sister helped change my life. I got not only a sister, but a best friend. We hung out almost every day, and even lived together after meeting, oh and better yet, she has two kids. I'm an uncle :)
The boys, her mom and dad, and obviously her have helped my have a full family, and it's something I've always wanted.
Idk how to verify this post or anything, but I could post pictures or whatever you guys want.
I hope someone reads this, because even writing about it years later has me in tears.
Added some pics
http://imgur.com/BrXCt http://imgur.com/gHh9c http://imgur.com/TfoT3
and of course, like a derp, can't seem to find any of us together atm. Here's one of us wearing the same fake mustache lol..
http://imgur.com/C606s http://imgur.com/xJ16P
err... wait... found these... us at Chuck E Cheeses for her birthday... haha.
http://imgur.com/Wvm4B http://imgur.com/dBmyf http://imgur.com/6vhVt
We're weird.
Edit 2:00pm:
Thank you so much to everyone who's taken the time to read this post. I can't believe how many are taking the time out of their day to read and comment on something so personal to me. I really appreciate all of you and your input.
Edit 2:15pm:
To clarify, we both lived in Pittsburgh when we were in college. Funny thing is, she had a best friend she introduced me to, who to this day, I swear I had seen quite a few times, and even had met at various city events haha.
Edit 2:30pm:
So no one tell my mom, or she'll kill me lol (good thing she's awful with computers haha) but here's some pics of me and my family (on my mother's side) to give you an idea of how much I stand out hahaha.
and my mom and I being silly EDIT to explain the money, I had just sold my car haha:
http://imgur.com/VuXzz http://imgur.com/ImvDY
Edit 3:30PM:
Thank you everyone again. You're all so nice, and this is making my day so much better.
Edit 8:30AM:
FRONT PAGE?! O.O Holy... freaking crap. Thank you everyone for commenting. I was beat tired after work yesterday, but I'm back to respond/answer questions. Thank you again everyone!
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BIG EDIT 8:45AM:
So here's a part of the story that not many know. It's a little sad, and actually has ONE LAST really crazy coincidence...
The story about our dad's death -
While I can elaborate, I honestly don't have a single picture of him (of my own). I never had a relationship of any sort with him, and tbh, never really tried to get attached to someone I'd never have (and was kind of a bad role model).
Basically, he was a scrappy guy, very devoted to my mom, but rough around the edges. He was basically my build (tall/thin), but a big time bar fighter, and always got into trouble. His mom (my racist bio grandma) always bailed him out (widow) and took care of him, and my mom and him lived with her while getting on their feet while having me.
Their family (not my dad obv) hated my mother, and treated her so badly, she moved before I came along to protect me. My dad stayed behind with his mother, and quickly spiraled into depression. He got into heroin and other drugs, and really got in bad with the local cops.
Basically, he ticked off two cops so bad, that they threatened him about the new prison, and how going there meant they'd take care of him. He committed some dumb petty theft, went to this prison, and was beaten to death by these guys, who made it look like he hanged himself.
These guys were found guilty, but barely served too.
The wild part? The prison was a new prison in Pittsburgh, right down on 2nd Ave... a block away from my dorm in college...
I never knew this story until I was about 21 (I knew he died, just not how/where). My mother finally broke down and told me after having to drive past the place so much, which reminded her of it/him.
I hope you know I... don't tell this story often...
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AMA. I will respond to everyone if you post if it's within my means. I never expected so many to read something about my life. It's really moving.
SaiMan39 karma
I read the story and saw you gave him an upvote because it was moving so I decided to give him an upvote also.
Mekkakat127 karma
I've always thought so. For years we joked that we should write a book and go on Oprah lol.
Mekkakat46 karma
I'll have a special thanks to the Redditors that support our story for sure :P
NathanA0162 karma
Please do. This would give reddit good publicity so the general public won't think we are a bunch of pedo's anymore.
Mekkakat15 karma
No, but I've heard of it. It's about a white guy who finds out he's black, right?
I'm almost the other way around... except my skin is white. Hahaha!
el-bombero9 karma
Maybe this is a weird question, but how do you refer to yourself in your head, just as biracial? And do you ever change it around as a joke? Do people say, "oh man I had no idea that you were black!"
[deleted]3 karma
I can't speak for dude, but just in case you want another opinion. I'm black/white. I'm as pale as OP (barring summer vacation in a sunny place or something, where I can tan quick as shit). I find that almost all people identify me as black. I think maybe my facial features appear 'blacker' than OP's though and that's part of it. My outward appearance outside of that is more ambiguous I'd say.
Though, when I went to elementary school in DC I was the palest kid in my class and kids would ask if I was white. Since growing up though I find that most black people would say I'm black. A few light jokes here and there, but I haven't lived in a predominantly black area in years so maybe that'd be different elsewhere.
Personally, I identify more with being black. It's kinda weird to say, but sometimes I momentarily I forget that I'm white. It sounds weird to me to even say "I'm white" even though it's totally accurate. On the other hand, saying "I'm German" doesn't sound as weird to me (my mother is German, I've lived there but only 3 years or so when I was younger). Most of the times though in my head I'm black/white.
Mekkakat2 karma
/highfive. You and I sound... a lot alike. I have to catch myself a lot of the time, being much more inclined to assume that everyone would/should just know I'm black, etc.
Thanks for the read man! Appreciated!
fritscje78 karma
So I was reading this crazy fucking story thinking whoa this shit is crazy, when I read the line and Here is the crazy part. I was like whoa there is no way this shit is about to get crazier. AND THEN IT DID!!! and I was like whoa this shit is crazy. Great AMA, you sir get an upvote. [6]
Mekkakat40 karma
Thank you so much for being awesome, your comment really made me smile haha
IaAranaDiscoteca65 karma
I have a long lost brother who I met through facebook! He sent my sister and I a message asking if our dad's name was ____ because he thought we might be related, we said yes expecting some distant cousin or something he said "I think I'm your older brother, bet you never knew I existed. lol" We've become really close and he's gotten married and had a baby since then. So congratulations to you sir, it really is a blessing.
Mekkakat26 karma
That's seriously great :D
I'm loving all the great stories and messages I'm getting about these kinds of things.
Thank you for the read as well!
alwaysdoubledown55 karma
Great story and I'm glad this wasn't a troll story. As I was reading, I kept on thinking that it would end with your father being darth vader.
Mekkakat28 karma
I wish. We joke a lot and say he was Robin Hood though, because he was a major kleptomaniac, but only to get things for his friends haha.
m74153 karma
A co-worker of mine met his wife at a party in NYC. He was originally from Ghana... and so was she. Turned out they lived blocks apart and went to the same primary school at different times.
Some crazy coincidences - blew my mind when he first told me how they met.
Audiovore48 karma
Small world stories are crazy. I was chillin in front of a hostel on a Greek island with two other guys one day. We do the spiel of "where ya from" and they are both from LA, then they get closer, and closer, till they are at actual addresses and only live a few blocks apart.
_newtothis33 karma
About the same for the odds of living next to your adopted sister and never knowing about it.
stompythebeast53 karma
Crazy story, but I find it funny in this country this type of thing is rare. Where I am from in the Dominican Republic its common for your daddy to have another kid somewhere else in the country that neither your dad Or anyone else knew about. Then that person will show up when you are 20 years old and you'll freak out because he looks like you except darker or whiter. I'm not speaking from personal experience, but I would not be surprised if I get an email or fb message one day from some girl/dude saying that they are my half sister and need money for school or medicine lol.
_newtothis41 karma
Being on reddit for a while, when i saw the title of the post i thought that for sure there was going to be some incest jokes. I am for once proud of Reddit. This is a really cool story and im glad you guys found each other. As for the question. You guys never ran into each other before finding out you were related?
Mekkakat19 karma
Hey, thank you for the read!
Also, another weird thing: While no, we never ran in to each other prior, we actually had (err well) she had a friend that I met at a party once. We vaguely recognized each other the first time my sister introduced us haha.
_newtothis13 karma
Female friend? If so, niceeeeeeee. I guess living in a small town it is just flabbergasting to me that you wouldn't run into each other at the store or something. Oh and thanks for the reply and letting me use the word "flabbergasting."
Mekkakat6 karma
haha you, my friend, get an upvote for such creative wordification.
Also, the "small town" is Pittsburgh, PA, so not so small ;)
ThatOtherGai38 karma
No offense or whatever, but your sister is hot. But does that mean I am calling you hot?
Mekkakat39 karma
Indirectly you've said I was hot, but you know what, I'll take it - I don't get many compliments.
;)
Mekkakat38 karma
They're like mini-me's. I seriously can't even begin to tell you how much they're like me and how awesome they are. One is 9, the other is 14, and they're a blast haha.
I-Do-Math15 karma
With all the odds in this story, they can be yours!
Three of your children have time traveled to save your life. But knowing that you are not going to take that story, eldest made up the whole story. (Take there advice on investments)
Mekkakat20 karma
I need to go to Vegas.
Not because I think the odds are in my favor, but because the odds probably will involve spacemen coming down, telepathically giving me the power to predict the future, and allowing me to win all things ever.
swaggervance14 karma
I'm happy that you guys have clicked and developed a great relationship, despite unusual circumstances. Do you think it would have been more difficult to foster a relationship with your sister at a different point in life (in your early teens or in your 50s or something?)
Mekkakat27 karma
I've thought about this a few times. She had some rough times when she was younger, (she's a single mom too) and I feel like if we would have maybe met earlier, it could have been a different situation. Maybe not a "bad", or even "good" different, just different. She had a much different peer group than I do/did at that time too. Nowadays, a lot of our friends are mutual.
[deleted]13 karma
oh man this insane...
I actually have a father, I never got a chance to meet. He died of Cancer in 2003, I do have a Dad somebody I have known my whole life.. I only recently found out he is not my Dad (He does not know this)..
But, I know where my real fathers family is, and have only spoken to one person from his family about my existence..
My real father has two daughters too, both younger than me, I may never get a chance too meet... I don't want to destroy their lives, so I just kind of lost contact with that family..
Mekkakat2 karma
:/ Well do what you think is best, but I think it's great you at least know. Keep me posted if you can if anything comes of that btw.
And thank you for the read. It's much appreciated I hope you know.
[deleted]4 karma
Most Definitely I have their photographs and everything.. They are in their teens still.. I don't think I will ever come into contact with them the way you did..
Bizarre thing, my wife who I didn't know until about 4 years ago, her Theatre teacher in High School ended up being my biological fathers cousin through marriage..
Mekkakat2 karma
oh wow.. that's a crazy story man. Let me know! I hope something positive comes of all of that.
gottacatchemall10 karma
Oh gosh, I've been in your sister's position before although I was much younger, and was more my father's illegitimate child. I found my brother and sister when I was 13 on myspace, and they had never known I existed.
We have an okay relationship now but my father and their mother got divorced after they confronted them about me (their mother knew about me). They blame the divorce on me.
The only really upsetting part about it was that I had always known about them, and finding out they didn't know I existed after I had just assumed they did, was heartbreaking. To realize that I was illegitimate and a dirty secret kind of fucking sucked.
Mekkakat11 karma
I'm really sorry to hear that, and that's a shame anyone would ever blame their problems and insecurities on a child like that.
Karma will catch people like that.
Keep on keepin' on though. Thank you for the read too.
GoodGuyAnusDestroyer11 karma
Hey while you're at it can you put in the good word for me too?
wish_i_was_the_moon9 karma
Wow that's nuts...someone make this into a Lifetime movie.
When your sis sent you that FB message...did you think at all that she was just messing with you at all? Even for a second?
Mekkakat19 karma
Oh my God yes. It took a good hour of us talking on the phone and "verifying" who she was. I was simultaneously on the phone with my mom that night, equally as shocked, asking all sorts of questions only she would know.
It was so bizarre that even after hours of talking, my mom didn't REALLY believe it till she met her.
For the record, my family (black side obviously) loves her and vice versa. It's like we've always been family.
Mekkakat9 karma
So no one tell my mom, or she'll kill me lol (good thing she's awful with computers haha) but here's some pics of me and my family (on my mother's side) to give you an idea of how much I stand out hahaha.
and my mom and I being silly:
thereisnosuchthing9 karma
That's a lot of fucking money you are holding there, are you by any chance a 'G'?
Mekkakat4 karma
haha nope. It was a joke picture take right after selling my car a few years ago hahahaha.
Mekkakat2 karma
200.... uh... shoot... I think a 2003 Trans Am? Can't remember the darn year. It was all white, V8, and I miss it :(
[deleted]8 karma
Amazing story, I'm very happy for you. This kinda happened with my sister. She's black, but has two half sisters from her father, who married a white woman. The two girls look totally white, but at the same time, they look like my sister, who looks black...it's weird.
Mekkakat6 karma
haha, oh those silly genetics!
Thank you for the read though. Much appreciated :)
Imamuckingfess8 karma
You mention all the interests that you two share ... I wonder if you happened to notice that in the pictures you posted, you're both wearing navy blue & grey clothing? :-) You'd be surprised how often siblings accidentally dress alike ...
Mekkakat6 karma
HAHA No! I hadn't noticed that at all! Great eye! hahaha.
Thank you for the read as well. I (we) really appreciate it. :)
Thaddeus_Venture_PhD7 karma
Will you post a pic? I'm interested in seeing how alike you guys really look. Thanks
Mekkakat11 karma
Added some pics
http://imgur.com/BrXCt http://imgur.com/gHh9c http://imgur.com/TfoT3
and of course, like a derp, can't seem to find any of us together atm. Here's one of us wearing the same fake mustache lol..
http://imgur.com/C606s http://imgur.com/xJ16P
err... wait... found these... us at Chuck E Cheeses for her birthday... haha.
http://imgur.com/Wvm4B http://imgur.com/dBmyf http://imgur.com/6vhVt
Thaddeus_Venture_PhD9 karma
Thanks! that was really fast. you guys do look alike. How old are you, 24?
Mekkakat18 karma
Just about. In May I will be.
And yeah, this is basically my first meaningful use of Reddit beside lurking, and this is something pretty important to me. It's the first time I've ever really been open about all this, and even a lot of my friends have no idea about it. They just think I've always had a sister lol.
So yeah, I'm trying to answer everything.
derpingpizza4 karma
Amazing story. But how was your dad racist, but dated and had a child with someone of the opposite race?
Mekkakat7 karma
Oh, (sorry, should have been more clear) HE wasn't at all. Quite the opposite. However, his entire family was. They're pretty... well... they just aren't good people...
He stayed behind to take care of his mother when we moved away. Regardless of her horrible ways, it's his mother, and I guess at the time, it made more sense.
Either way, I turned out fine I think.
derpingpizza12 karma
Well that's good. I am also half black and half white. Except my mom is white and my dad black. My parents were never married and my mom broke up with my dad before I was born. He sold drugs and my mom told him to stop but he didn't so she left him. She didn't have anywhere to go except for her sisters, my aunt. She lived in New York(where my moms side of the family is from), and my mom lived in Georgia. So, she moves to New York to live with my aunt and her husband who is from Greece. According to my mom, my aunts husband would verbally assault my mom because my mom was going to have a half black baby. They told my mom she couldn't keep a baby there. My mom was on the verge of giving me up for adoption(keep in mind I haven't even been born yet!) But then my mom said she had this dream that was so real. In this dream(before I was born) she could see my face, and she said after I was born(In New York, and my mom eventually moved back to Georgia) the me she saw in her dream looked exactly how I actually looked in real life. So after she had the dream she knew she was going to keep me. I feel so luck every time I think about that story. But regardless my mom got married to another man who was my step father for 15 years. They just got divorced last year(I am 19). When I was about 8 my dad went to prison for drug dealing and he is still in there now. I remember he would come pick me up on the weekends. One day I realized he had stopped coming and I asked my mom why he didn't come anymore. She basically waited for about a month and finally told me that he was in prison. I know I had a step brother. But I haven't seen him since the last time I saw my dad. I know this story wasn't relevant but I just wanted to tell it to someone who would at least appreciate it. Im glad you found a piece of you that was missing.
Mekkakat12 karma
And I do appreciate it man. Just know that all of the crap you've went through, only helped shape you as a human and a member of society. I hope you never let any of that stuff get you down and change you, because even from that post, I can tell you've got a head on you.
Message me if you ever want to talk, and thanks again for sharing.
derpingpizza4 karma
Thank you. My mom has always been there for me. Everything she has ever done has been in the interest of me. She is the most selfless person I know and that alone has impacted me more than anything that has happened. She wants me to do better than she did and thanks to her, I am succeeding. I am sure your mom was the same way. Am I right?
Mekkakat11 karma
Very right :)
Single moms are tough, selfless women I've come to find out.
I'd be nothing without mine.
Paolotao4 karma
Having a really good relationship with siblings is probably the best feeling in the world. My sister and I share the same hobbies and interest so there's never a dull moment at home. I'm happy that you were able to find your long lost sister, you deserve it.
Mekkakat2 karma
Thank you so much! I feel the same way though. I can always count on her and the kids for a laugh or to just goof off.
jFergieNH3 karma
This hits close to home... after being out of touch with my biological father for 17 years I just recently (about a month ago) found out I have a 16 year old half sister. I'm 31 so we don't have a lot in common now- but she looks like me and really seems to have a lot of similar personality traits. We've only communicated through her mother so far- I have a lot of issues with my biological father... but after living in Alaska for most of my life they recently moved to Virginia... about two hours from where I live. Your story makes me want to explore a relationship with her, but obviously it's something I want to take slowly.
Mekkakat2 karma
I totally understand your apprehension. I have many family members too young to really understand the racism of my other half of the family, but it still pushes me away.
Do what feels right, when it feels right. Forcing something like that only makes it more awkward and difficult, and when you're ready, I'm sure things will work they way they're supposed to.
Thank you for reading and your story. I enjoy hearing all of these posts about long lost family and reconnecting.
Keep me posted if you ever want to talk.
noagendaproducer3 karma
I have a similar story. A little over a year ago, my mom was contacted on Facebook by somebody claiming to be her sister. After seeing a copy of the birth certificate and some pictures, we knew it was true. It turns out that my grandma apparently had a daughter a year before having my mother that nobody in the family knew anything about and gave her up for adoption at birth. Although they have yet to meet in person since this new sister lives halfway across the country, they talk to each other several times a week now and pretty much everybody in my family knows about her now except my grandma. Apparently this other daughter has attempted to contact my grandma on multiple occasions through various means and was told to go away in not so polite of words. So we just keep our mouths shut around her so she still thinks she is taking the secret to the grave. She is the ultra conservative Christian fundie type so we believe that is probably why she doesn't want the secret coming out because it would hurt her reputation (she REALLY cares about what others think of her). Either way, it is kind of cool to know that I have an aunt that nobody ever knew about, even if we have to tip-toe around my grandma because of it.
Mekkakat2 karma
It's sad when these archaic "Christian" types value their social status in the church more than human lives, family, and friends. It's an odd spin on the Bible's real teachings if you ask me, but hey, what do I know?
I'm just glad you go to know this person, and hope you can meet them too some day :)
Take care, and ty for reading!
thangle2 karma
Congrats on you two finding each other! I have a similar situation with my mom lying about oh you know...having a baby and putting it up for adoption. My sister is 12 years older than me, and looks EXACTLY like my mom, but with curly dark hair. When they met up, my mom almost had a nervous breakdown because they were mirrors of each other in almost every way.
Mekkakat2 karma
it's crazy once that realization hits someone like that. I know it was for me.
Thank you for reading and for comment. I really appreciate it :)
icarus203313 karma
Amazing story.
I've lurked Reddit forever, and finally made an account just to upvote it. I hope everyone takes the time to read it.
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