I am diagnosed Bi-Polar 1, and went from forced hospitalizations to being co-founder & CTO of a music and mental health startup. AMA!

Hello this is my first question to an AMA.

Do you feel you are better or worse off for taking prescription medications?

I'm sorry if this question is out of line, please let me know. I'm genuinely curious.

Another way of asking, in your experience what would you say to someone nervous about taking medications but would like to seek help?

I wish you all the best on your continued journey to awesomeness!

Certainly not out of line! I am very comfortable with my life experience surrounding mental health and I think healthy dialogue like this is how we can keep making progress in the community :)

Overall, medications saved my life. I would not have survived my 20s if I didn't have them. But I'm not going to lie, the process was not pleasant and I do believe that one day there will be a better way (we're trying to work on one of those better ways). But today, medication sometimes is what is necessary to keep you safe.

It's completely normal to be nervous about taking medications, it took me a really long time to cope with the fact that I need to take them. But not all stories are like mine, you may not need medication at all. I would start by getting help (doctor, therapist, social worker), and taking it one step at a time from there :)

Thanks a lot for your thoughtful response.

I'm sure that will be truly great advice for many!

Also bipolar, I would not have made it much longer if I hadn’t started taking mood stabilizers. I have gone off and on antidepressants, evaluating when I feel I need them & when I don’t. No amount of therapy or positive thoughts or anything will change my brain chemistry, and some things require medication.

I think this is where the United States needs to step up. Mental health awareness and treatment.

I feel if folks were not scared financially of dedicating a fair amount of time on mental health than we all likely would take better care of ourselves.

My thoughts are if one is aware of the trial and error involved to get it right, it may not seem possible for those living pay check to pay check to seek help.

Great job bringing awareness. This isn't a question directed at anyone, I'm just sharing my thoughts.

I definitely agree with you. When I was in the thick of it, I was living in the United States and my only option was medication as I was living paycheque to paycheque. It turns out I indeed did need medication, but if I had the cash to seek therapy before having a nervous breakdown, I would have, and who knows how things could have turned out. The mental health experience is not equitable, and that's unacceptable. Mental health support of all kinds, and serving all need levels, should be affordable, accessible and without stigma.

Oh god. I’m also bipolar 1 as well as severely autistic and have been battling with the thought that despite how smart I KNOW I am, I’ll never be successful because of my shitty genetic luck. This nearly moved me to tears. I know I don’t know you and I also know all bipolar experiences are unique but I hope I’m not out of line to say I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! You’re beyond amazing! You’re an incredible person and a literal beacon of hope to everyone else who struggles with this fuckshit disorder.

Anyway, as for the AMA: How long did it take you before you were able to manage symptoms?

I’m 20 rn and have tried almost all available antipsychotics, several low dose ssris to manage my comorbid MDD, but nothing has really ever been able to prevent my volatile and sometimes violent mood swings complete with disassociation and mania-induced command hallucinations. Right now I’m receiving off label ketamine therapy and if that fails my next line of attack is lithium or other powerful mood stabilizers which I am TERRIFIED to try, because I usually get lucky enough to experience the worst side effects. Again I know this disorder is incredibly variable between people, but maybe hearing that you found something successful will give me the willpower to keep trying. Thank you so much, and again— you’re AMAZING. You give me and the rest of the community HOPE for our futures. :)

0 rn and have tried almost all available antipsychotics, several low dose ssris to manage my comorbid MDD, but nothing has really ever been able to prevent my volatile and sometimes violent mood swings complete with disassociation and mania-induced command hallucinations. Right now I’m receiving off label ketamine therapy and if that fails my next line of attack is lithium or other powerful mood stabilizers which I am TERRIFIED to try, because I usually get lucky enough to experience the worst side effects. Again I know this disorder is incredibly variable between people, but maybe hearing that you found some

You sound so resilient! First of all, be proud of the work you have done, friend - in my period of healing, taking medications, in and out of the hospital, it certainly was no cakewalk! You are doing difficult mental work and I am grateful to hear that you have been able to work through all of that.

I will also say you can get through this, you shouldn't give up hope by any means. A lot of people in neurodiverse situations are told they can't do certain things. This is because of deep-rooted stigmas that are engrained in our society. So long as it is safe for you, I would say keep fighting for the life you want. Get that dream job, finish school, whatever it may be :)

Ketamine legit saved my life. I would not be here if it were not for that.

Glad it worked for you, friend! :)

Hi OP, firstly I want to thank you for developing a tool to help people maintain or improve their mental health.

My question is, do you resent the person/people that forcibly hospitalized you?

One of my closest friends went through something very similar to you. They had gone through a year of psychosis and mania. They had a confirmed Bi-Polar diagnosis and also a major substance abuse problem. When they went on their binges, they would end up in this scary, manic state that would turn to suicidal thoughts, planning, and possibly attempted actions. At some point I couldn't bear to see them like this and helped get them forcibly hospitalized.

I think I did the right thing, but I regret how it was done. When I went to visit my friend they looked like a broken ghost of themselves. I feel like I caused my friend some serious trauma.

Fortunately my friend is doing much better and has a good career, a better support-system, and everything. But I still feel like I did something wrong.

I'm so sorry to hear that you feel guilty about that. Let me first say, the loved ones that support us like you are such an essential in the process of getting well, so thank you for being there for your friend. I don't resent the people who had me forcibly hospitalized. In my case, it was my father. I think the way I was treated at the hospital was certainly not okay in a lot of ways, but the process ultimately saved my life. So don't beat yourself up!

I want to second this. I originally hated the ones who forced me into hospitalization due to the terror it imposed on me, however, now that I have been stable for 3.5 years after finally being correctly diagnosed (earning a MBA and a promotion in that time), I am grateful my partner, a good family friend, and a police officer forced me to treatment 3 separate times, however bad the treatment was.

No bad feelings towards those who pushed me in, only towards those who treated me like crap in the hospitals. Why can't mental healthcare facilities treat humans like humans?

Such a simple concept, eh? Just because we are acting in ways that make you uncomfortable or that you perceive as deviant, doesn't allow you to treat us poorly and without respect.

Prior to being diagnosed, what did you think was happening to you? Did you have any indications that you were bi-polar prior to your hospitalization?

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Thanks you for sharing

Since I was a teenager I was having some really bad bouts of depression and hypomania (unknowingly because this was just seen as being me having a 'high strung' personality) but those were cyclical. I then started getting really bad panic attacks, and when I turned 20 I had a complete nervous breakdown that triggered a life-threatening heart arrhythmia that landed me in the ICU. After not being able to find a problem with my heart, they assumed I just had a bad case of panic disorder (without probing my mental health history at all). I left with a prescription for a high dose of zoloft and Xanax. As. some of you might know, Zoloft is a strong SSRI and SSRIs are extremely dangerous for people who are bipolar. This spring shot me into a severe manic episode and a period of psychosis that lasted about a year. From there I was forcibly hospitalized and they realized they had the wrong diagnosis.

It's funny in a way how my experience with bipolar relates... From very early I experienced the cycles, I just thought that it was teenage years and a really bad childhood. Then in my twenties I just thought I was a temperamental bastard. When I was 25 I ended up in hospital for checks on my heart which now I know was caused by panic. By that point I knew there was more to it as I started paying attention to myself more and started recognising the mania for what it was. I coped till I was 30 then my life fell apart...

I went to the doctors explaining that I thought I was bipolar - I'd done a lot of research at this point - but I spoke to an inexperienced doctor, since I was in a depressive cycle she gave me prozac that sent me straight into a wild mania. I was fortunate that I got to see a psychiatrist shortly after as I was bouncing and hadn't slept for 4 days. After that I started my medication "journey" and it took 3 years to get that right mix and dose but I got there. It has been baby steps rebuilding ever since but you just got to fight the good fight! All the best to you.

Wow, that is quite similar for sure! That is interesting. I feel like there are some better diagnostic tools that should be made around this.

So happy that you re-building and in a good direction :) It was lovely hearing your story and I wish you all the best as well!

With working anxiously from home becoming so pervasive, I could see demand for this getting serious quickly.

Two questions:

1 - How well equipped are you and your data center(s) to handle spikes and drops in new users?

2 - Is your app able to automatically pause music when people get phone calls or get into videoconferences?

People working from home are suddenly working much more from their cell phones, and yet also want to be able to go to them as a source of comfort or white noise. Balancing the two without being distracted can be very tricky, so solutions to that can be valuable.

Sorry for the delay! Here are my responses:

1 - so far we have had no issues with the quality of service. were hosted on some high-quality infrastructure so it would take quite the surge to shut us down

2- yes, our app works with your phone's core audio, and if another audio source starts, VIBE's volume would fade out.

Hope your having a good day! :)

Thanks for posting! My question is: what is your reaction when kids (and adults) tend to use the phrase “I’m bipolar” to describe themselves or others?

As a teacher, I’ve found it’s one kids use a lot, along with OCD, and it’s one of the more irritating and ignorant expressions they use to communicate a feeling. I’d like to correct them in a succinct way, but it’s hard.

Yeah, this is indeed tough... its a frustrating thing for people who actually live with those life experiences to hear terminology being misappropriated. I tend to remain calm in those situations and pick my battles honestly. If its a teaching moment, I would say those terms are associated with people who have very specific life experiences, and using those terms to describe a feeling is certainly not okay.

This is wildly intriguing to me and something I could see myself and would absolutely love to get involved with. So two questions.

1. What are some of your go to artists when you want to destress?

2. If I wanted to get more involved or learn more about what you do, how should I go about that?

Oooo good question! I am certainly not picky and it seems like my go-to change regularly. Right now, however, Nina Simone, Bill Withers and KAYTRANADA are my go-to's when I'm having a hard time.

To get more involved / learn more about what we do you can visit our website here

How do you deal with executive dysfunction and ADHD-like symptoms, which many BP people struggle with? I also have BP1 and I wasn't medicated for it until I was 29 and I just got the right cocktail sorted out like six months ago (including Vyvanse). I have few to zero symptoms now, I'm very lucky, and although I'm getting better I still struggle with getting things done. I started doing progressively worse in college because of it and it took seven years to get my associate's, sometimes failing entire semesters. I also have very high stress sensitivity and I worry I'll never be able to work a full time job without a meltdown.

because

I'm sorry to hear of your hard times =/ it certainly is a challenging process, but I'm really happy that you've made it through and we get to have this interaction. It is such a great feeling when you finally get the right balance of medication, so I'm happy that for the most part, you feel like your there. I would say it has only been a couple of months and it can take a while before your body gets fully adjusted to medication balance, especially after going through different meds before. I would say keep working away at but if you are still having a hard time and it doesn't seem to be going away for a while, maybe talk to your doctor. Also if you can't work a full-time job, that's OK too - but just don't let someone else tell you that you cant. You know your boundaries and you get to decide what you are capable of :)

This is positively amazing! I'm a clinical social worker that works in the psych ED, and I constantly agonize over the mental health system (despite being in it myself). Emergency departments are inherently traumatizing and the furthest thing from therapeutic as it gets minus the medication admin piece. Onto my questions:

Have you noticed any different musical patterns/needs for those with different diagnoses? Are there any trial plans for implementing this in inpatient (and potentially emergency) settings? Maybe intensive outpatient as well as standard outpatient? From a therapeutic standpoint, have you noticed significant symptom stabilization or resolution with your program for those both on and off medications?
Have there been any barriers in emotional experience for those that are on medications? There are so many stories of folks that say they feel like the life has drained out of them when they're on meds. Music seems like it might inspire that spark of life again, or so I hope.

This is long, sorry in advance. I'm so excited to see this get bigger. I've been a longtime believer in the protective effect music can have for people, and, by extension, belonging to various musical communities. All the world of luck to you and the others that created this organization!!!

Hi there! No worries about all the questions, I will tackle them one by one:

1: The short answer for this one is no, there have been no correlations made between certain musical patterns helping people with specific diagnoses. We are currently undergoing our first pre-clinical study to determine efficacy on the moderate to severe anxiety population, but even then it's looking like the music needed varies person to person. We have however found strong correlations of music working effectively for people in acute mental states. For instance, if someone is having a moment of panic, then we can respond to that. But I would say there is one sequence for the entire life experience of a diagnosis, it's more about what they need in that moment :)

2: This is certainly in our future! Were just working on the validations studies right now. Once we get a bit more peer-reviewed work, this will certainly be in our sights!

3: This is not something we have measured yet, but we are planning on doing so soon.

4: Again, nothing science-grade but we have had beautiful verbatims from our users saying that our app helped their quality of life greatly while on heavy doses of medications.

Have a lovely day!

[question] how does music impact on stress and anxiety in daily life routine?

The right music at the right time can have a HUGE impact on managing stress and anxiety. Music lights up your brain in many ways and it has been scientifically-proven to have an impact on pain, anxiety, stress, cognitive performance, and even helping people cope with the symptoms of cancer. What we're trying to do is help you find the right music at the right time. Its all about matching your mood and graudally moving you towards the dsired mood :) in music therapy, this is called 'the iso principle'.

I’ve found myself doing this naturally sometimes, if I’m in a rough mood I start out with music that matches that mood to feel some validation, and then find something that brings me out of said mood, usually high flying metal ballads.

Yeah totally! it definitely feels intuitive when you get it right :)

just for fun: do you have a top five songs or a playlist you use when you’re feeling depressed, stuck in a rut, or unmotivated?

do you have a top five songs or a playlist you use when you’re feeling depressed, stuck in a rut, or unmo

Love it! ok tough question but I would say these ones in this order:

Feeling Good - Nina Simone

Lovely Day (cover) - Alt-J

Lost in Yesterday - Tame Impala

Hold On, I'm Comin' - Sam & Dave

Got it Good feat. Craig David - KAYTRANADA

lmk what you think :)

Thanks for doing this AMA. I'm bipolar too. what do you think about Kanye?

Happy to :) I'm a fan, but not because he's bipolar (even though I do get a little excited when I hear a celebrity has shared that life experience with me), but because I think he's extremely musically talented. As a bipolar artist, I really don't like it when people associate my creativity or the quality of my work with being bipolar. Kanye isn't talented because he's bipolar, he's talented because he's great at his craft.

Agreed, hes very talented. However I dont like how he said he doesnt take his prescription medications, I think that's a dangerous message to send to young people suffering from the disease.

s, I think that's a dangerous message to send to young people suffering from the disease.

oh! yeah I completely agree. That's not cool

He may have the privilege for that to be safe for him, but not taking meds if you need them is life-threatening. Like I'm working at a company that is trying to make new medicines with music to help remove chemical dependencies, but by NO means would I ever tell people to not take their prescription medications

Sounds like an amazing story! So how does your program work? Do you offer your services for a fee in a brick and mortar, do you contract with mental health facilities, or do you have grant funding?

y! So how does your program work? Do you offer your services for a fee in a brick and mortar, do you contract with mental health facilities, or do you have grant funding?

So we actually have an app! That keeps our solution accessible and available to anyone who needs it. It's a free app is on the App Store with some premium features for a subscription. But if you're a front-line worker or you are having financial difficulties in this challenging time, you can get full access free here :)

Cool! Anything for Android Users?

Hey! We're working to release an Android version soon! You can sign up on our website to receive updates :)

As someone who struggles with bipolar 2, even though it might not be exactly similar, how in the hell do you stay motivated? It’s the hardest thing for my to deal with. Also, I would eventually like to teach music too. Do you have any advice on getting started down that path? I’ve been playing guitar 15 years, and bass for 3.

The motivation is definitely one of that hardest parts FOR SURE. I would say it helps to set a good realistic goal for yourself and just keep your sights set on that. Then from there, just keep increasing the level of challenge of the next goal. When I was in the thick of it, I had a tendancy to make unrealistic goals for myself, completely getting disaopointed, then being stuck in the 'lack of motivation loop'.

As for getting into music teaching, I would say it depends on what level of teaching you're going for. For teaching lessons, I would say you qualify now with that level of experience and I would find a local teaching school and apply :) If you want to teach at a elementaty school or high school, then you need to get a music education degree. Music school is a TON of fun so I highly recommend that route for sure!

Hey Aaron! Ro here, thank you for your honesty and empathy, really enjoying reading all these questions.

My question is: how could the app help those dealing with anxiety that have been suggested to explore mindfulness and meditation? I for one have trouble sitting still in thought and so am always wary of silent meditation when in a state of panic (it usually makes intrusive thoughts/ruminating more apparent!).

Totally! So that's one of the reasons I started to experiment with music and sound the way LUCID uses it today. I was in the process of trying to practice mindfulness and meditation when I was having hard times and I simply could not do it. Everyone kept saying 'just clear your mind, deep breaths' and you that's just not possible for someone dealing with severe anxiety. So it started with me just playing music, mixing it with other sounds that have been proven to calm the mind, and things snowballed from there. Those early experiments have found their way to the product today. Even to this day, I need music to meditate, and VIBE is a nice resource for that. We have an 'ambience mode' that you can use to set some background music for meditation practice or we have a 'calm' mode that you can use if you want more of a massage therapist for their brain (i.e. you don't want to do the work of meditating). Give it a try!

Thank you for this post. I've been struggling recently due to what I think is PTSD, after being abused in multiple ways during my childhood. I've also been dealing with depression/anxiety/ADHD for the past seventeen years. I take medication and will continue to for the rest of my life.

I also love music, painting and poetry. Music helps me so much. I can play piano or paint for hours.

Have you lost friends due to them not understanding you or your illness?

depression/anxiety/ADHD for the past seventeen years. I take medication and will continue to for the rest of my life.

I'm sorry to hear of your challenges over the years. Trauma is a really hard thing to work through, and I am sending some love and strength your way. I am really happy to hear that you have found solace through music and art through. I vividly remember living with my father after losing my apartment and I literally played piano pretty much all day. Its a powerful thing, I hope it. continues to bring you happiness.

To answer your question, yes, this has unfortunately happened throughout most of my adult life. Sadly when the meteorite crashed into my world and I was in crisis, pretty much all of my friends disappeared out of fear. I still have some difficulties managing some relationships, but it has certainly become much easier, and I think I found the 'right' people after all. I love my friends very much.

Overall though, you deserve to be understood - so don't let people push you around either :)

Hey Aaron, it seems like you've created something genuinely helpful from a rough situation. You have my sympathy and admiration for the turnaround!

In my experience, those suffering from mental disorders can have a hard time expressing themselves and their symptoms, but have found comfort in creating art, especially music, to do so!
Do you think the medium of music could help breach that separation of understanding between afflicted and unafflicted? Would you be interested in having a branch of LUCID dedicated to music on the topic of mental illness?

Really interesting question. And honestly, this is something I have thought about before. Aside from my work in music and technology, I am also an installation artist. I feel like there could be a really amazing art installation to help bridge that separation. Nothing like a massive interactive art piece to get people to see a different perspective.

Now that said, a video series or even just music as you're suggesting are fantastic ideas as well :) Thanks for the suggestion! Bridging the gap is definitely important!

How have people around you responded to your openness about your diagnosis?

To be honest, I don't really care so much. I am proud of who I am and I am proud of the journey I have taken as i've managed this diagnosis. The sad thing is, at the beginning of the process, I had no money, no prospects and nearly homeless, and at that point in life the openness of my diagnosis was not pleasant by any means. Today, people see it as inspiring (and sometimes they are visibly surprised, which is a bit frustrating).

I think there is a great deal of stigma around people who are dealing with mental health challenges, much of it stems from the medical system, and I really think this needs to change. If you scroll down in that blog post you will see a landing page from a reputable mental health institution using persuasive language that instills stigma for people who are bipolar for instance. I think we all need to work toward removing these types of stigmas, and that starts with possitive discourse.

Hey,

Thanks for doing this. I was curious about the technology behind this. What kind of software do you use to build your application? What is your overall background in the technology field?

Totally! So a big part of our solution is figuring out what music works best for the user listening to a VIBE experience. This requires some pretty sophisticated machine learning algorithms. We also use common cloud computing technologies and mobile software development tools. My background is music, audio engineering and new media, which is essentially computational art and speculative design. But I have made it a point to gain a good unstanding of every part of our product, including teaching myself machine learning. This way I can ensure that what you get as a user is as good as it can be.

How did you know when you were acquiring accomplishments, that it wasn't just a manic episode?

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt that you are a positive human being asking a real question...

I know this isn't a manic episode because I know what a manic episode feels like, I've spent years finding a medication balance that works and sometimes I still have shitty days just like anyone else does (which doesn't happen when you're manic). I continue to acquire accomplishments because I work very hard to keep myself healthy, and I know they are real because they're still around when I feel sad again.

Major respect to you!
I'd love to chat and discuss potential collaboration. I help people in nightlife to find their direction so that they can build a life around their passion for electronic music without wrecking their health and mental wellbeing. Is that something you'd be interested in? I think your app could be a great tool for the people I work with.

This seems very interesting! I would be happy to chat! please just visit this site and ask to be put in touch with Aaron :)

Thank you for doing this. I don't know if this is allowed, but I'm an org psychologist and I was wondering if you guys have any jobs available? :)

Sorry! no job requests here :)

What has been your experience (if any) with marijuana?

I find it to be really helpful for me, ut it needs to have a high CBD % and a fairly low THC %. A nice balance of the two really helps with my anxiety and productivity. Luckily, where I'm at, it's legal and I can see the exact balance of the two.

Hello, I see your on the app store but not the play store, is this something that you plan on introducing in the future?

Hey there! Yes - we are definitely working on an Android release soon! You can sign up on our waitlist to receive updates if you'd like. :)

As a fellow bipolar person, need any finance guys?

Hey! :) Although we're not currently hiring, you can always check our website's job board for future postings! https://www.thelucidproject.ca/forum You can also keep in touch with us through LinkedIn.

Anyway for a homie to get involved with the project? I’m also bipolar and a musician I’d love to get help out.

Hey! Yeah that's certainly a possibility! Just shoot us a message on our contact page and ask for me. Happy to chat about how you can get involved. https://www.thelucidproject.ca/contact-us

What color is your toothbrush?

Blue, sometimes red, but that's only for funky occasions

When did you learn to code? How did you start off?

I started back when I was at the music conservatory. I started to experiment with electronic music and was coding my own synths. From there I got really into it. At Ryerson, I took a few classes but I would say for the most part I am self taught.

Hi there, late to the party but was highly interested to read your post. What a pleasure to explore the link between mental wellness/illness and music explored. What can you tell about the the scientific data/validation done on your method of psychoacoustics and the general idea of your app. Are you working on any studies to elucidate it's efficacy in any areas?

I think your work is amazing to see and appreciate your insight and experience! As a future M.D. (1 month..🥴) I really hope this can become more mainstream within providers! Thanks for sharing your story!

The individual components we do have all been validated by science. Music has been validated to help with health, and knowing the right music to play has a huge part in that. Auditory beat stimulation also has scientific backing and that is another core element of our experience. We have a lot of early in-app data demonstrating significant decreases in anxiety and increases in emotional valence. We are also in the midst of our first pre-clinical study yo validate the full product itself. We aim to be more mainstream with providers too!

Hey yo, sincerely appreciate what you're doing. It's the app only available on Apple? What about us peasants on android😅

Thank you!!

Hey there! Thank you for the support - our small team of ten is working to make the app available on Android ASAP! If you'd like an update, you can sign up for our Android waitlist on our website. :)

There have been a couple of recent depictions of those with bipolar in television lately. See Ozark on Netflix and Dave on Hulu.

How accurate are these depictions of the disorder?

forth, and draw from those experiences in how they approach caring for others while also attempting to reduce stigma and shame, and to normalize treatment.

I actually haven't seen either of those, but I will check them out!

Are you also planning on making this app availabe for android users?

Hey! Yes - we're certainly working on making the Android release available ASAP! If you'd like to receive updates, there's an Android waitlist on our website. :)

I’m bipolar 1 and wrote an album of piano/ vocal music that highlights my experiences with my first bout of psychosis. Are you putting out albums like this, or does it have to be specifically music created to heal others from a musical standpoint, like music therapy? Eddieeight.bandcamp.com

pecifically music created to heal others from a musical standpoint, like music therapy? Eddieeight.band

Hey! so I definitely want to get back to making music to tell stories again, and it's amazing that you put out an album like that. But for the time being, all of my creating goes into LUCID :) WIll check out the band camp!

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get lost. being “sick” as you so poorly put it means he has faced very specific obstacles that most of the world has NO experience battling. There’s no reason why he SHOULDN’T share his success and motivate others who might deal with the same disorder. Get your head out of your ass. NTM if being “sick” in that specific way only affects a tiny fraction of the population, it does in fact by definition make him special, just like people with heterochromia or albinism or any other difference are genetically special. Sorry this is news to you. Again, remove head from ass at earliest convenience.

Thank you for this response :) that negativity is certainly not welcome here. And you're absolutely right, people with bipolar, autism, schizophrenia or any other form of neurodiversity are not 'sick', we just have different challenges to handle than others.

And this is not an ad either (response to the original poster). It took me years of extreme struggle to get well enough to do this, and I just want to share it with you all so maybe someone in my situation could see this and find a new resource for themselves.