I am a 21 year old registered sex offender.

At the beginning of 2015, I was at a party with a few of my friends and third-wheeling so I began to flirt around with a group of women. I ended up hooking up with one of them and it turned out that she was 15. Months later, her parents found out about the incident because she contracted herpes (not from me) and pressed charges on me, assuming that I was the cause of the her recently contracted STD. At the time, I was living with my now ex-girlfriend, enlisted in the National Guard, had just begun a very enjoyable career with Apple making $21.50 an hour working full-time with benefits, and had just purchased a brand new car. I had never dealt with anything involving the law or the legal system whatsoever prior to this. The investigation took over a year until they finally charged me with a low grade felony and sentenced me to six months in the state prison reformatory system. I was released from prison in November and living is the hardest struggle that I have ever had in my entire life. I have no family except my mother who I am supporting with my very low paying job serving at a local diner, my credit is ruined due to my $40,000+ debt that I cannot pay, I cannot attend college because I cannot afford it whatsoever, and have little to no moral support. Ask me anything.

EDIT: The age of the girl was never disclosed until the investigation started. I did not ask. I assumed because of the nature of the party and the group of people that she was hanging around that she was of my age or older.

EDIT 2: At the time of the incident, I was freshly 20 years old. The incident happened almost two years ago.

EDIT 3: Thanks for all of the questions guys! I won't be replying to any more questions on the thread. If you want to ask me something privately, feel free to send me a PM. Thanks again.

Comments: 1354 • Responses: 33  • Date: 

jeray2000462 karma

I think most people would agree that your life shouldn't have taken such an huge hit from one mistake like that.

How would you suggest the system be reformed so that if anyone was in the position you were in, they don't end up in the position you are now?

P.S Good luck with everything.

TheVykin568 karma

Personally, I think that if somebody doesn't disclose their age then the legal system should lessen or deviate the punishment entirely on the projected offenders part. Especially if the sex was consensual.

Appreciate the luck. Thanks!

Hunkamuffin169 karma

I understand that criminal records like these often times encourage people to give up on leading a regular life and return to criminal activity. Does this ever cross your mind?

TheVykin279 karma

Yes, it does. In my honest opinion, just from some of the people that I have met and how I have been treated by law enforcement recently, I think that people with a prior history are more likely to get caught for the criminal activities that many people with no prior history typically get away with. For example, you might get off with a warning for speeding but I will never get off with a warning again.

Personally, I do not think I would return to criminal activity because prison is a not a fun place and I do not want to return there.

shoulditrans108 karma

I'm genuinely curious what it feels like to have your whole life ruined over a mistake I could see a lot of people making. How did you initially react? How did you cope? What do you hope for your future?

TheVykin206 karma

It feels devastating. Imagine your entire emotional state goes into shock and stays there. Darkness covers your brain and makes you feel completely numb. I still haven't figure out a way to get out of this feeling nor necessarily cope. I still have moments where I want to end my life. I want to stay positive and hope that the future has something in store for me, but as of the end of 2016, nothing is looking very positive.

EDIT: Here is an accurate representation of my life right now

LeaLea1711 karma

Hey, I just wanted to say... my partner went through / is going through a similar situation to you. He did time and got out, spent some time unemployed looking for answers... fortunately he had his parents and family for support. But that also comes with drawbacks.. a lot of gossip and twisted storied between friends and acquaintances... but anyway.. a few years later and he worked his way to a decent job.. he met a pretty awesome chick. Hi. We traveled to many different countries..And now we have a nice home and a beautiful little girl who just turned 1. When he tells me stories of prison.. or the few times he did attempt to end his life, my heart absolutely breaks and i wish so bad that i could turn back time and find him so that i could hold him and tell him that everything turns out amazing... but i know also that those moments of hurt and hopelessness made him stronger and eventually more determined to succeed. Every choice we made, lead us to eachother. So as cheesy as it sounds.. you truly don't know what the future has in store for you. Dont let a piece of paper determine who you are. You know who you are, you're the same person you were before all this happened. This just happened to fuck with you.. for a bit. I'm so looking forward to when our daughter turns 5.. we're going to take a family vacation overseas without reporting it before hand and having to give the police all of our hotel and travel information. Funny i never thought that would be something I'd have to think about!!

TheVykin8 karma

This comment honestly touched my heart.

HelloMrSampson54 karma

This sucks, I'm sorry you're put in this position. Are you permanently on the sex offender registry or is it for x amount of time?

TheVykin106 karma

I am currently on the registration for 25 years. I have to re-register current information about myself and my living arrangements biannually. If I make a mistake in registration at any time, I would be facing a matching low grade felony for Failure to Register and face up to 18 months in prison.

HelloMrSampson24 karma

Fuck....why aren't there any punishments for the girls that don't admit their age prior to doing the deed? Sounds like this girl has issues herself if she's sleeping around and contracting herpes from some rando after she slept with you. The parents should have really focused on getting that kid help instead of looking to pin it all on someone she lied to. I wish you the best of luck man, I feel for you and I hope there's someway you can come out of this on a good note.

TheVykin55 karma

I agree on the punishment for anybody who doesn't disclose that kind of information, but at the same time, there isn't punishment for somebody not disclosing that they have an STD prior to having sexual intercourse and I guess that is along the same lines of pushing the responsibility on the other party to figure this information out.

jimthesoundman53 karma

I'm assuming you took a plea bargain. Why didn't you take it to trial?

TheVykin103 karma

I hired an attorney when the situation first came around but I had already told my side of the story to the local authorities. He recommended that I take the plea bargain because I technically already admitted to committing the crime. He told me that I would have had a very good chance of losing the trial and facing up to 18 months in prison and a lifetime registration.

DatasSexDrive51 karma

How was jail for a sex offefnder?

TheVykin97 karma

Horrible. Most of the people in jail and prison are very narrow minded and have strict views about everything in life. Their opinion is that all sex offenders are horrible people.

DatasSexDrive36 karma

Was there much physical violence towards you? Were you segregated to your cell?

TheVykin66 karma

There was some violence. Mostly verbal. I was not segregated, but I was around other people who had similar crimes. They were all much older than me.

JLMOudbier50 karma

Heads up, I'm a person who has been raped. My attackers did not get punished.

What is something about being a registered sex offender that isn't covered very often? Other than the fact that it's hard to get off the list unless you're upper-middle class or richer, are there other social demographics that make it hard for you to exonerate yourself?

TheVykin92 karma

I was also molested as a child and my attacker did not get punished. A lot of things about being a registered sex offender are not covered often. The biggest thing is that the title alone makes people despise you. Luckily, I live in a high populated metropolitan area so I don't tend to run into people who know about the situation as there was no media coverage. Dating is extremely hard. It's the hardest thing in the world to figure out when the right time is to inform the person that you're seeing that you're a registered sex offender and even harder to start the conversation. Suicide is very common within the sex offender community. I remember reading somewhere that the demographic was around 70% higher than the general population.

As for the exoneration part of the question, I have no idea. I am a young white male that is 5'5" and weighs 135 lbs. I am the last person I would ever expect (pre-SO) to be a sex offender.

JLMOudbier26 karma

I'm sorry you were molested too. Being registered as a SO must be even harder after having someone hurt you like that. As for when to disclose something like that, honesty is the best policy, but damn does it suck hardcore.

Overall, your position has really made me ask some hard questions about my stance on a lot of things. After I was raped the 3rd time, I became more interested in feminist issues, rape culture in particular.

TheVykin31 karma

Honesty is the best policy, but at the same time, it could completely ruin a lot of things if it is said too soon. People really lose out on getting a chance to know me, who I am, and my personality. I'm a very giving and caring person.

I'm glad I could help out in shining some light on new views. EDIT: I also wanted to say that I feel very sorry that you have been sexually assaulted in the past. I hope that you have been able to recover from some of the trauma.

obsidianchao42 karma

There's a joke that floats around some more illegal oriented subs about burning your house down and moving to Belize.

Have you considered something like this?

I think the best thing you could possibly do is, unfortunately, 100% ditch your current life and go somewhere where you can have a new name for yourself.

TheVykin36 karma

I wouldn't even know where to start with something like that.

Savage_downvotes36 karma

Herpes lies dormant a long time. How do you know you did not transmit herpes to her?

TheVykin3 karma

It has been almost two years since the incident happened and I am still STD free.

Timmayyyyyyy26 karma

[deleted]

TheVykin66 karma

Thanks! Much appreciation.

The friends that I have told about the situation do not see me differently, to my knowledge. They agree that the punishment was too harsh and they hate that I am going through the situation that I am going through. My mother is the same way, but my mother is my mother and will always love me no matter what happens.

Chaos1281626 karma

You seem like a pretty good guy that got served some crappy cards....have you considered opening your own side business? The reason I say this is because after 2 layoffs in 5 years (no criminal) I used my anger to put food on the table. Do you find it hard to stay motivated despite your circumstances?

TheVykin64 karma

I appreciate that. I have thought about opening a web agency, however I lack the funding for this and the knowledge on expanding a marketing horizon. This is something that I was interested in before everything happened.

I find it extremely hard to stay motivated every day. Honestly, most days I want to die.

Wizard_of_Ozzy8 karma

Did she try to get in contact with you at all to apologize?

TheVykin12 karma

Absolutely not. At least, not yet. I'm not actually allowed to have contact with the 'victim'.

VioVio1237 karma

Is it hard to get a job and do anything after you got titled a sex offender?

TheVykin26 karma

Absolutely. I have been denied jobs that wanted to hire me on the spot just because of a simple background check. It's very disappointing to interview for one of your dream jobs, get an official offer letter, and then have that offered retracted almost immediately without even being able to explain your situation to somebody.

alskdj07 karma

Sorry to hear about your extremely unfortunate situation. I was wondering how being a registered sex offender impacts your small daily chores such as groceries? Also, would this change if you moved and people didn't recognize you?

TheVykin21 karma

As of right now, the majority of my community doesn't recognize me as a sex offender. My crime was not severe enough to have those post cards sent in the mail or to be featured in local media. However, I still feel like people's eyes are crawling all over me as I walk by doing the simplest tasks.

ewlfi6 karma

Wow.

To whom do you harbor the most disdain for your situation? The "victim," the parents, or law enforcement/judge? The punishment seems completely unjustified, especially when you seemingly thought the "victim" to be of legal age.

TheVykin20 karma

This is a topic that I have thought about long and hard. I really wanted to blame the 'victim' for everything that has happened to me, but I honestly have the most disdain for myself, honestly. I allowed myself to be in that position. I must admit that I am a young male and expected to go out and have fun but I jumped into a sexual relationship with somebody that I didn't know whatsoever. For all I know, she could have stabbed me in the throat when we went into another room.

beefstockcube3 karma

Have you looked into getting a new identity and moving countries before the states update their passports?

I know that's obviously highly illegal but if I was in your situation that's what I would do.

TheVykin6 karma

This isn't something that I have considered. I'm not even sure on how this would be done nor do I know the legality of it.

TaydePenn3 karma

Jesus Christ. Do you have any plans for putting things back together? I know how hard it is for felons to improve their life after prison because of how many obstacles are put in there way, where do you want to go from here?

I feel sad hearing your story. While I'm upset you slept with a minor I believe you when you say you didn't know. Really this whole situation is fucked up but I think you can find a way to get back on top of things.

TheVykin20 karma

As of right now, I don't have any plans. I'm just trying to live every day within itself. I want to go to college and become a psychologist or a counselor of some sorts to help people deal with and resolve traumatic experiences in their life. However, my opportunities are very limited because of my criminal record. Originally, I wanted to be a part of the Highway State Patrol. That is now completely out of the question.

I have skills as a front-end web developer, as well. However, the job field is very limited right now in my local area. I also have skills involving direct sales but my opportunities there are also limited because of my criminal history.

I don't know where to go from here. Some days, I feel hopeless. Other days, I feel an overwhelming measure of hope.

orchlon2 karma

I'm ignorant about the American justice system but isn't being unaware of someone's age a valid defense?

TheVykin13 karma

Unfortunately not. It's our responsibility to know about who we are sleeping with, just like it's our responsibility to have safe sex.

thegreenblanket2 karma

what was that 15 year old doing there?

TheVykin12 karma

Great question! She was there with a group of her friends who were older than her. I knew one of the girls that she was hanging out with from high school. I assume they dragged her along. Other than that, I don't have an accurate answer.

thegreenblanket2 karma

crazy story. good luck!

TheVykin7 karma

Thanks! I'm trying very hard.

Sergy30 karma

Whats your plan?

TheVykin5 karma

Could you elaborate on this question a little more?

Tehpillowstar2 karma

I think means that he wants to know what you plan to do from here on out. Obviously you're in between a hell of a rock and a hard place, but do you have any plans for the future? Even if you don't have a plan for the next six months, you surely have a plan for say, the next seven days.

TheVykin10 karma

I have a long term goal of attending college and becoming a psychologist. I want to help people overcome deep emotional trauma and anxiety. I don't know when or how I will accomplish this.

A seven day plan I have right now is to work at my job, play video games and slowly try to enter management, but I live in fear every day that somebody will tell them about my situation and I will lose my job. I am just trying to do what is necessary to stay within the confines of my probation.

Juice_Pouch-8 karma

Did you contract herpes from being raped? Im confused why you didn't just tell them you didn't have it, but considered the latter.

TheVykin3 karma

I did not contract anything from what happened to me. I did tell them this and gave them the results of testing verifying that I was clean of any STDs. The investigation was about me and the female having sexual intercourse, not about the herpes.

porkpie1-12 karma

What is someone who is 21 doing associating with high school kids?

TheVykin6 karma

I am not associating with any high schoolers.

porkpie1-20 karma

15 yrs old doesn't put someone in high school?

TheVykin12 karma

The incident took place at a party. The majority of the people at the party were over 20 years old.

Bkrilow23-15 karma

How popular are you now at the high school?

TheVykin7 karma

Haven't been around the high school since I was in high school. I have no answer.

milo1948-20 karma

Was there "grass on the field?"

TheVykin3 karma

Not that I can recall.

milo1948-30 karma

Damn dude, your sick.

There should have been no game played. A clear sign she was too young.

Well lesson learned i guess, good luck

TheVykin6 karma

Or it could be a sign that somebody shaves. Either way. It's over and done with and the result of it is this.

iaalaughlin-30 karma

Was she a good fuck?

Where'd she get the herpes from?

TheVykin3 karma

It was average. Definitely not worth the situation that followed. This punishment is worse than an unexpected child.

Regarding the herpes, that question was never answered. In fact, it was never brought up again after the initial conversation with the authorities.