My short bio: Worked at a funeral home in Ohio for a little over two years. I am currently transitioning to a new job in sales.

My Proof: (Not really proof but this is the site to the funeral home) (My facebook profile with proof that I worked there) more proof!

Thanks for all the questions ladies and gents! I hope I provided a better understanding of the funeral process! If you have anymore questions feel free to ask and I will do my best to get around to them later tonight! Enjoy the rest of your day and do not take your life for granted!

Comments: 458 • Responses: 108  • Date: 

bry_guy39 karma

What was the strangest outfit/set of clothes you had to place a body in? That is if you were the one dressing them for calling hours and all that.

Go Browns

AnonymousBrownsFan41 karma

I did dress the bodies...

The craziest outfit I ever dressed an individual in was when a Bishop passed away. He was in one of his outfits that he rarely ever wore. Including his crazy hat. I am Roman Catholic so that was very interesting.

He also had a crazy casket.

Hat looked like this:

Casket was hand made and looked like this:,1331047243,2/stock-photo-casket-top-view-96882352.jpg

bry_guy12 karma

That's pretty crazy. How did the hat even fit with the rest of him in the casket? Take it dead bodies don't creep you out either.

AnonymousBrownsFan25 karma

The dead bodies did creep me out at 1st, but you eventually get used to it and realize they are dead and nothing is going to happen.

The casket was very long, much longer than a normal casket but that was because he was taller than normal and not because of the hat.

You have to remember that the individual is usually laid out with the head and shoulders lifted higher than the lower body so the casket did not get in the way.

IVthatShit36 karma

Do you ever take a hearse home for the hell of it?

AnonymousBrownsFan38 karma

We actually contract out a company for limos and hearses. But I have taken our van home before (which has been used to transport bodies).

w00dStok34 karma

How does one get started in the mortuarial arts?

AnonymousBrownsFan36 karma

If you would like to be a director or an embalmer you usually go to mortuary school for college. Most of our directors and our embalmer went to Cincinnati College of Mortuary Science.

Link here:

InvaderDem11 karma

How were you able to land the job? Did you need any particular background? Would you mind providing a salary range for your job?

I've been interested in mortuary science for years and contemplate either going to college for it or at least getting a job at a home ... which is why I ask about salary range.

If you prefer, you can DM me this info as well.

AnonymousBrownsFan18 karma

This was my part time job during graduate school. I usually worked about 35-40 hours a week and was paid $11.00 an hour.

I would say the annual wage was close to $20-$25,000

If money is your motive than I would recommend going to school to be a Director or Embalmer.

InvaderDem6 karma

Thanks for the reply! Unfortunately, with a family to take care of, money is a bit of a motive.

Incase someone interested in mortuary science reads this comment train, I've done research on Worsham College in Wheeling, IL that will offer an associates in 12 months. It's an opportunity for us older folks who may not have the option of doing a traditional 2-year program.

AnonymousBrownsFan2 karma

I completely understand! Good luck with whatever you choose!

jerry_031 karma


what were you studying in grad school? Was it related to this field?

AnonymousBrownsFan1 karma

It was not. I was studying Sports Mgmt. I am a big sports fan and want to be an Athletic Director.


Funniest thing thats happened at a funeral or during the whole process, funeral parade and all?

AnonymousBrownsFan54 karma

Oh this is a good one... Let me think.

This one time the family was very nice throughout the visitation (this helps make our job a little easier and makes things more comfortable) and most of them were not from Ohio, so they were looking for things to do for the night. They happened to be drinking throughout the visitation (not uncommon). After the visitation the family was getting ready to head out and one of the grandsons (probably about 21-24 years young) of the deceased starts walking towards me with his family and slurs the words "Let's go to the casino and hit the slots, shots, and sluts" and the whole family erupted in laughter. I turned around from the family and laughed hysterically.

That same kid ended up throwing up in the bushes in the back of the funeral home the next morning of the funeral day because he was so hungover.

There is a Hard Rock Casino right up the street from the funeral home.


Hahaha that is quite good. Whats visitation?

AnonymousBrownsFan15 karma

The visiting hours to view the deceased body. Usually occurs the day before the funeral.

Normal hours would be 2-4 and 6-8 PM the day before the funeral.


Oh, thanks man

AnonymousBrownsFan5 karma

No problem man!

xxxPacmanxx9 karma

Also known as a wake in some regions.

AnonymousBrownsFan2 karma


nathanwoulfe28 karma

Is Ayra's job in the House of Black and White really an accurate portrayal of working in the industry? Do you really keep all the faces in a massive, candlelit underground vault?

AnonymousBrownsFan11 karma

No not at all.

dkyguy199526 karma

Have you seen the movie Bernie? because if not you should

AnonymousBrownsFan6 karma

I have not, I will check it out! Thanks!

LOFIrtr22 karma

After getting use to dead bodies, were there some days where you had to "step away" because of the stories of how some people end up in front of you?

AnonymousBrownsFan36 karma

Yes, absolutely.

There was 1 individual I can remember specifically. He was around my age (I believe he was 20 years young) and when I first saw him I had to step away and just think about things. That was one of the couple times I couldn't shake it when I went home. It was running through my head for days.

Harrisonw199813 karma

Would you be comfortable elaborating?

AnonymousBrownsFan31 karma

Well the individual who passed away was in a garage band with his buddies. A very good kid who had no health issues in the past. He was a good student at a local college and just seemed like your normal good kid.

He was practicing with his buddies one day and he had a heart attack in the middle of practice and passed away. When we dressed and casketed him I had to take a few moments to step out of the building and gather myself. It mainly put things into perspective for me and made me realize that just because I am 24 years of age does not mean I am immortal.

That situation really made me cherish life a lot more.

moodyfloyd22 karma


what does an assistant actually do... as opposed to a mortician? do you have a morgue on premises?

AnonymousBrownsFan37 karma

Cleveland Browns. NFL Team.

An assistant does basically everything except take care of the family when they come in for arraignments (That is the Directors job) and we also do not embalm the body (That is the Embalmers job) and you must be licensed to be a Director and or Embalmer.

So we dressed bodies, put flowers in the room, casketed the body, picked bodies up from hospitals, nursing homes, actual homes of the deceased, cleaned up the funeral home, took death calls, washed the directors cars, washed our vans, etc etc.. you are fairly busy all day.

bry_guy20 karma

Moody is just messing with you he knows all to well about the Browns and our pain. One question off your reply here. Do you have a crazy story of picking a body up from a house?

AnonymousBrownsFan25 karma

Oh I have a ton of stories.

The most interesting was when a very large man (estimated 450 lbs) passed away and fell in between his bed and his bedroom wall. Myself and another assistant stood no chance of getting him out so we had to call the local fire department for re-enforcement.

They came in and helped us get him out with almost no problem.

lund10609 karma

You need to have a Hoyer lift when you need to transport the remains of a large person.

Source: just buried my mother yesterday, and the two Wednesday Addams lookalike girls from the funeral home would've had zero chance of moving my mother if I hadn't already had a Hoyer lift at the house.

blueskiesbigthighs8 karma

Sorry for your loss.

AnonymousBrownsFan8 karma

Thank you.

AnonymousBrownsFan1 karma

We don't have any female assistants. We are all males and for the most part we can handle it on our own.

scottyb834 karma

Sorry I'm sure it's a stupid question but what is a death call? Just someone calling to start making arrangements?

AnonymousBrownsFan5 karma

Yes. A death call is a nurse or a family member calling to have us take down the information of the deceased individual and setting up when the family is coming in for arrangements. Also letting us know when and where to pick the individual up.

AnonymousBrownsFan3 karma

We also do not have a morgue on the premise. We have an embalming room that acts as one without the freezer.

Give_Peas_A_Chance_17 karma

Really interesting job I'd imagine, but does it affect your character or social life?

AnonymousBrownsFan36 karma

It is extremely interesting.

This is a great question. I will say this... it has definitely desensitized me from a lot of things. I am around death and grieving almost everyday and it is very difficult to handle emotionally. We are a very busy funeral home and do about 450 funerals per year at our 2 locations.

I have learned over time to leave all the funeral home stuff at the door when I walk out to go home.

Give_Peas_A_Chance_13 karma

Thanks very much for your answer - another one if you don't mind. What do you find is the main cause of death for most of the people coming through? Can anything be done to help prevent it?

AnonymousBrownsFan13 karma

You're welcome! I have seen people die from almost everything in my 2 years.

The most common is different types of cancer, no doubt.

EljerGoldwater15 karma

Have you ever had to prepare a funeral for someone you knew?

AnonymousBrownsFan33 karma

I actually prepared the funeral for my Grandmother. It was extremely difficult but I wanted to do it. My co workers did a very good job with helping me throughout the process. She was actually the wife of my Grandfather who worked at this exact Funeral Home before he retired about 7-8 years ago so they all knew my Grandmother and took great care of her.

That was a very difficult time for me.

theLostio14 karma

Have you ever seen Six Feet Under and, if so, what aspect of your job did you think it captured best?

AnonymousBrownsFan2 karma

I have never seen! If you could give me some detail on it I will try and compare!

LOFIrtr13 karma

When my grandfather passed the funeral director told us that when they dress the body they don't do it normally like you dress yourselves in the morning, but rather they cut the back of the clothes and dress the body from behind. Is this standard procedure?

AnonymousBrownsFan16 karma

Yes this is exactly how we do it!

We also dress the individual in certain plastics as well just in case any fluids leak out (this is common) into the casket causing an awful smell.

fingermesoftly8 karma

I'm also in Funeral Services, the cutting clothes thing is done if the person is on the large side. But 9 times out of 10 we dress them normally, lift the legs to put on pants, etc. There always has to be two people with the deceased when we do the dressing and casketing so it's easier than you think.

AnonymousBrownsFan3 karma

Spot on.

AnonymousBrownsFan3 karma

Also, sorry for your loss man, death is tough. Stay strong and lean on your family and friends for assistance. The grieving will never go away but you learn to deal with it in your own special way.

LOFIrtr3 karma

Thanks for concern man! My grandfather passed in 2008 at the end of 93 years here with us.

The dressing comment was something that I found very interesting when we were preparing for his funeral, but then again I have never thought about dressing dead (pun somewhat intended) weight.

Also, what's your opinion on JManziel?

AnonymousBrownsFan2 karma

Yeah it is an interesting process when it comes to dressing the deceased.

I am a big JFF guy so I hope he can prove the doubters wrong this year. Hopefully he can stay sober and stay on the straight and narrow and take his job seriously. He has all the talent in the world to be a good NFL QB.

youwithme12 karma

Was the funeral home in Parma? I can walk in any direction from my front door to get to one.

AnonymousBrownsFan5 karma

Sagamore Hills and Maple Heights actually.

drakemcguff12 karma

Is your job to die for?

AnonymousBrownsFan16 karma

The business will never die.

Nanananatankgirl11 karma

Did you ever get really creeped out by the body/bodies in the room? I know that's a really broad thing to ask, but I always figured I would get that "someone is looking at me" feeling if I was alone with a dead body.

Sorry if that's creepy.

Also, how do you deal with the constant need to be somewhat solemn around the funeral-goers? Is it ever hard to not just slightly smile and say hello?

AnonymousBrownsFan25 karma

Hey not creepy at all! Just another day on the job. I did have to close the funeral home often by myself throughout my 2 years and there was definitely some eerie feelings often.

When you close the building at night you are alone in the rooms with the bodies very often. After visitations would end and families and friends would leave you would have to clean the rooms. Over time I just got used to it and didn't even notice the bodies for the most part.

With your last question... I would be at the front door very often during my time at the funeral home (worst part of the job, very boring) but I would always greet people with a smile and a hello every time. I didn't want to be over joyous because you never know what you are going to get from the people who walk in the door.

When the family would come in early for the visiting hour and the day of the funeral you must be very careful what you say. Instead of "good morning" you just say "morning." I learned to just do my absolute best to cater to each individual family because I know how hard of a time it is for them.

Nanananatankgirl13 karma

Oh man, that last part. I worked in retail for a long while and would often mess up my words (good morning when they're leaving, have a great day when they're coming in, stuff like that). I can't imagine how it'd feel to accidentally make it sound like a great day to the grieving family. The cringe! But it's also great that you were able to find a middle ground to greet them with.

Thank you for your response!

AnonymousBrownsFan8 karma

You have to choose your words wisely and always be on top of your game! You're welcome!

whohw7 karma

good mourning!

AnonymousBrownsFan5 karma

That would be bad!

zzuazz10 karma

Are you allowed to listen music while you dress the bodies, if so. What kind of music you listen?

AnonymousBrownsFan10 karma

Yes we do listen to music.

We listen to anything and everything from classic rock to country to pop. It all depends how we are feeling that day.

uncleleo_hello11 karma

come on, man. you missed a chance to say cannibal corpse.

____DEADPOOL_______4 karma

I would've gone with the grateful dead

DetroitHustlesHarder10 karma

whispers Let the bodies hit the floor....

AnonymousBrownsFan6 karma

Oh man this is classic.

Greybeard298 karma

Do you believe in God? And what are your views on religion, also what do you personally think happens after death?

AnonymousBrownsFan20 karma

I do believe in God as I am of the Roman Catholic religion.

I believe once you die you either go to heaven or hell.

I am basic.

HoserMan728 karma

Have you ever picked up a body that wasn't dead?

AnonymousBrownsFan9 karma

Nope. Always dead.

OswaldWasAFag8 karma

Former hospital security here. I was responsible for signing in and escorting cadavers in and out of the morgue and ICU. I know they represent a fortune in tissue, but still question how necessary my job was. Have you ever seen or heard of anyone attempting to steal a body?

AnonymousBrownsFan12 karma

Dude your job is so important. I dealt with you on a daily basis. I have never heard of someone attempting to steal a body but that does not mean your job was not important. If you were not there I am sure some assistants would pick up the wrong body on accident.

Hosseh7 karma

My dad owns a funeral home, so I fill in whenever he needs someone to help run a wake or needs an extra pallbearer it's definitely a interesting and surprisingly fun job. Question:whats the biggest mistake or disaster you've seen at a funeral?

AnonymousBrownsFan6 karma

We once dressed an individual in the wrong clothes. They were his clothes the family initially brought in 2 or 3 days before the visitation. They ended up bringing in a different outfit they day before the visitation and the person assigned to dress the individual (not me) was not aware of the change and ended up using the initial outfit. Nobody caught it the next day and the family was not happy about it. We ended up wheeling the body out and changing the clothes in the embalming room at a very fast pace!

lewskuntz7 karma

After a long day at work, do You ever hang out and crack open a couple cold ones?

AnonymousBrownsFan5 karma

We go to the bar down the street all the time after we leave work.

AnonymousBrownsFan7 karma

Mods if you need more proof, what should I do?

OnionMan6925 karma

Some freshly prepared corpses will do.

AnonymousBrownsFan5 karma

That'll be tough... I'll have to contact my old employer and see if we have anything lying around.

mysteriouswayz5 karma

Ever see a body move on its own after its been brought in - whether from gases exciting the body, not being placed flat on the table, poltergeist, or zombie apocalypse?

AnonymousBrownsFan7 karma

I want to act like I did not laugh at this question, but I did.

I have never seen a dead body move on its own.

cckel5 karma

Well, you're very cute.

Moving on, I saw a movie called Nightwatch with Ewan McGregor that insinuated that working with dead bodies causes your breath to stink. I always wondered if this was true?

AnonymousBrownsFan4 karma

Thank you!

Wow, have never heard of this or seen the movie. As far as I know I would say there is no correlation!

Pylcha5 karma

I hear the salary is quite low (on average) for morticians/embalmers. I imagine it's lower for an assistant? Do you think people dealing with such an important/morbid subject should get compensated more? I understand people probably don't do it for the money generally but Doctors don't either.

AnonymousBrownsFan7 karma

Actually embalmers make very good money. Depending on what specific funeral home you get in to, there is opportunity to make close to 6 figures.

I did not make much while I was at the funeral home but it did help pay the bills that I had at the time.

Directors get paid a decent chunk of change but I know our Funeral Home paid for their car, gas, cell phone, and health insurance. So the benefits were great.

Pylcha4 karma

The average embalmer salary is 45k a year. I wouldn't consider that "very good money." I personally wouldn't do embalming for anything less than 60k; which is toward the higher end of pay and far later into the job. I'm curious to see your source declaring an embalmer could make close to 6 figures. I've looked extensively into this career (specifically embalming) and all of my research has led to the average being 45k which was the only reason I quit looking into it.

AnonymousBrownsFan7 karma

The amount of money the embalmer makes is usually up to the individual funeral home he/she choses to work at. Our embalmer is widely known as one of the best in the region so he gets top dollar for his work. They have to pay him that much if they want to keep him there.

I would probably guess that the standard pay for an embalmer is around $60,000.

Edit: also remember they are not salary and instead are paid by the body, so it depends how busy the funeral home is.

Pylcha2 karma

I've never even heard of a "commission" embalmer. The BLS average wage is 45k. So no, the "standard" pay is 45k not 60. Obviously you can get 6 figures depending on where you work, that literally applies to every job/owner. I'm not sure what state/country you're from but a 60k standard is far above the nations average. And most funeral homes are not paid by the body.

AnonymousBrownsFan2 karma

Cleveland, Ohio, USA.

It was a guesstimate. But I do know for a fact our embalmer makes close to 6 figures and is paid by the body. He is a contract embalmer and strictly only works at our funeral home.

dacrew4 karma

Would you like to see Ohio legalize alkaline hydrolysis?

AnonymousBrownsFan8 karma

I'm neither for or against it honestly. Kind of on topic here... Cremation in Ohio is at all time high currently.

dacrew6 karma

Interesting, do you think it has something to do with the Catholics lifting their ban on cremations in the 1960s?

AnonymousBrownsFan10 karma

I think it has more to do with it being more cost efficient while you also get to keep some sentimental value of the deceased person.

Duff-4 karma

Do you think that, once you leave funeral work behind, you'll find yourself missing it? I ended up become so burnt out working as an Embalmer that I can't even think about returning to the industry (left my job about 1.5 years ago), and I was curious as to your thoughts on that.

AnonymousBrownsFan3 karma

Being an assistant I do not miss it much... Probably because I am making a lot more money and don't feel the emotions I felt everyday on the job at the Funeral Home.

realbadatthis4 karma

It seems to be a lucrative field from what I have observed. Is this true?

AnonymousBrownsFan5 karma

Yes. This is true.

But I am a firm believer that you will not be a successful funeral home without being very professional and providing top notch services.

Coun1Duckula3 karma

1) Did you see anything strange (in a paranormal way)?

2) I imagine funerals can sometimes be a place for old family grudges to get out in the open. Is that the case? And, if so, how did you handle it? Any particularly difficult situations you can recall?

AnonymousBrownsFan4 karma

I have never actually SEEN anything in a paranormal way but I have heard things throughout the funeral home when I am there at night by myself and nothing is going on. It gets pretty scary sometimes but you become used to it.

I have seen families argue over several things. There have been times where I have had to call the local Police Department but for the most part the family takes care of it on their own before I even need to intervene.

OuroborosSC23 karma

Have you had to do many children?

My 1yo niece passed away Wednesday before last and its been the hardest thing I think any of us in the family have ever had to deal with. The funeral assistants and director even had a tough time holding it together at times.

AnonymousBrownsFan2 karma

First off I am very sorry for your loss. Death is extremely difficult to deal with, especially someone at that age because you cannot help but think of what that individual could have become and all the memories you could have formed together.

It is very important that you stay close as a family and use each other for support. Stay strong.

We do childrens funerals and it is so tough emotionally.

I hope you get through this tough time with as little stress as possible. Prayers for you and your family.

OuroborosSC23 karma

Yeah, her parents both have big, close families, so its been a good week and a half of constant company and support. Everyone is handling as well as they can and overall its going well. She was an incredibly loved child and the void left is a heavy weight to bear.

Thank you for your kind words.

AnonymousBrownsFan2 karma

You are welcome.

TucanJamz3 karma

There's probably a tasteless Factory of Sadness joke I can make between being a northeast Ohio sports fan and working at a funeral home, but my question is do you or some of your coworkers find it tough to handle that kind of environment? If not, do y'all do stuff to keep out some of that negative energy?

AnonymousBrownsFan4 karma

There is no doubt that our job is very emotional. For the most part we do not know the families that come to us for services, but that does not mean you do not feel the emotions of the process.

When we have down time we are just like any other job. We joke and do what we can to keep positive. But on the job we are very very serious and professional.

We have about 40-50 employees (directors, assistants, embalmer, lunch/coffee ladies, bosses, etc) and we all have good relationships with each other so that makes it a lot easier.

Great Browns pun by the way!

Napsonnaps3 karma

Do you feel you're more or less comfortable with your own death as a result of this job?

AnonymousBrownsFan3 karma

I would say more comfortable because I know the process after you pass away and it is very professional.

decentlyconfused3 karma

What's the cheapest way to take care of my dead body?

AnonymousBrownsFan5 karma

Get cremated!

xPIRATE62x3 karma

What has been your favorite experience as a funeral home assistant?

AnonymousBrownsFan3 karma

It has happened several times. When the family is truly thankful for the services we provided and tells you that we have me the grieving aspect a little less difficult. It truly touches your heart and makes you feel great about what we are doing.

Sazerac18503 karma

All hail Purple Jesus.

How many times have you had to use Introfiant? Like, the case that sticks out the most.

AnonymousBrownsFan2 karma

We have used it a lot in the past. Usually for people who come in that have jaundice.

cr87by3 karma

As a mortician, have you seen any type of 'spirits' walking around the place?

AnonymousBrownsFan2 karma

I have never seen them but I would say I have felt them if that makes sense? I hear things all the time.

cr87by3 karma

I understand 100%. My dad grew up in an old victorian that was once a funeral home. Going there as a kid to see my grandparents, the place scared the shit out of me. I remember one time we were coming back from getting ice cream, we walk in the door and notice all the windows are wide. All of the sudden.. BANG! They all slammed shut simultaneously. Just the feeling in the house was unsettling.

AnonymousBrownsFan2 karma

Yeah man little things like that happen all the time. Doors closing, lights going on and off, little random noises. It's strange but you get used to it.

cad611053 karma

I don't think anybody asked: How do you intend to be taken care of when you die?

AnonymousBrownsFan7 karma

I want to be laid out in a casket for visiting hours and then cremated and have my family and friends sprinkle them on the field at Cleveland Browns Stadium, but not of all of the cremains.

cad611053 karma

Not all? Interesting. For me, I get comfort going to my mother's gravesite. I miss not being able to do the same for my father since he was cremated. What would you like done with the remainder of your ashes?

AnonymousBrownsFan3 karma

Some people find comfort in going to a gravesite or having ashes. I would prefer my significant other keeps an urn of me.

I know many people buy jewelry in which we put remains in that they can wear.

JosefTheFritzl3 karma

Hello. My father is an embalmer/director for his own mortuary business - he took over for his father when he retired. He was quite adamant about making sure none of his kids took up the profession, citing the irregular hours (with a small staff, he was often called to pick up bodies in towns over a hundred miles away at 3 AM) and low amount of vacation time. My mother would often come into the mortuary to do the hairstyles for people.

My questions are these:

  • What are your hours like as an assistant, and do you find it hard to take time off form work, or are there enough people to cover? Do you have to wake up early often as well?

  • It seems common for mortuaries to be family affairs, and I have noticed from another question that many of your family members have worked at this location as well. Do you experience any sort of nepotism/favoritism in that environment? Things like certain people not being called to gruesome scenes as often as others, people getting the 'easy work', etc?

AnonymousBrownsFan2 karma

My hours were either 830 AM - 5 PM or 4 PM - 9 PM. We had a pretty big staff so we always had people on staff ready to work. My sleep schedule was so messed up because some day you would work early and some days you would work late, there is little consistency.

I am confused about your 2nd question.. explain a little more if you don't mind?

JosefTheFritzl3 karma

I see. So you didn't get the "on call" position where you had to head out at 2 AM or anything like that?

As to my second question I'll try to clarify:

You know how a man owns a business, and he might hire on his son to work for him? The son gets less strenuous jobs and (for the work done) more generous pay. Sometimes the other workers get resentful of this behavior, yeah?

Well with mortuaries it seems they pride themselves on being family businesses from the get-go. So I was wondering, since you work at a place with more staff, if you've noticed certain people getting preferential treatment due to that family relationship or not.

By preferential treatment, I mean things like "Oh, another nasty dismemberment on the freeway...send Jenkins. I'll send my son Greg to the palliative care case instead."

AnonymousBrownsFan2 karma

We have an on call service company we use to pick up deceased individuals during the night hours actually. We contract them out. They are very good at what they do.

To your 2nd question, yes and no. It all depends on the situation. Your assumption is not wrong though.

The_Neckbear3 karma

Do or did you frequently watch horror movies? What scares you nowadays?

AnonymousBrownsFan3 karma

I do love horror movies! Too bad a good one has not come out since the 1st Paranormal Activity and the last couple Insidious movies.

I have a huge fear of snakes and needles.

Death still scares me and I probably think about it more than your average 24 year old because of working at the funeral home. But by no means am I suicidal.

panken3 karma

Have you seen the old episode of "Penn and Tellers: Bullshit" about funeral homes? If not, why are funerals/cremations so damn expensive?

AnonymousBrownsFan2 karma

I have never seen. Funerals are expensive because of everything that goes into the actual funeral. Casket, plot, gravestone, the actual services provided, death certificates, transportation of the body, embalming, etc...

This is why cremation is a much cheaper alternative.

Walkinbirds3 karma

What does actually scare you and did you ever have a one way conversation with any one of them. ?

AnonymousBrownsFan17 karma

Picking up bodies from the coroner was probably the most scary because the body's were so beat up and blood would be everywhere throughout the body bag.

When my Grandmother passed away I talked to her.

thellamawearspants5 karma

I used to help with transport & pickups while I was in college. Turns out the scariest part I experienced was the 'death rattle'. Felt horrible, but definitely nearly dropped a deceased man when I first heard it.

Hilarious, looking back on it, but incredibly disrespectful.

AnonymousBrownsFan3 karma

Accidents do happen sometimes.

FrickenBill2 karma

How does it feel to not be an AnonymousBrownsFan anymore?

AnonymousBrownsFan4 karma

Hopefully it gets me some free beers and food at Browns tailgates!

vaclavhavelsmustache2 karma

How do you feel about selling people exorbitantly overpriced caskets and burial services? A quick google search tells me that the average casket price is around $2000 for a box that literally goes directly in the ground to house a rotting corpse, and many of them cost much more than that. Does it ever feel like you're preying on vulnerable people during their time of grief?

AnonymousBrownsFan10 karma

I will not sit here and lie to you, caskets are overpriced when you get them from the funeral home. But that is EVERY funeral home. I know this is difficult and I don't want anyone to take this the wrong way BUT they are a business and they have to make money to survive.

If anyone preys on the vulnerable and deceased it is the cemeteries. Look up prices on a plot and headstone. It is ridiculous.

vaclavhavelsmustache2 karma

Thank you for answering honestly and not giving the standard industry answer about how you can't put a price on comfort and blah blah blah. Have you read The American Way of Death by Jessica Mitford? If not, you should definitely check it out.

AnonymousBrownsFan2 karma

Just being honest! I enjoy the tough questions. I have not checked it out but I will definitely look into it!

xxxPacmanxx2 karma

This will sound like a terrible question, but I'm honestly curious: Have you ever had a body of very attractive female come to you and you got boner while dressing her?

AnonymousBrownsFan3 karma

Jesus... No.

badreportcard2 karma

Ever trip balls on embalming fluid?

AnonymousBrownsFan3 karma

Not my thing.

IanPPK2 karma

Were there any bodies that, for whatever reason, you could not handle or had difficulty doing so? My grandfather is an LFD, and while he's able to tackle most anything, aside from embalming, which he simply chooses not to practice, young children, especially ones that resemble the children in my family.

AnonymousBrownsFan3 karma

An individual asked a question similar to this. There was a younger individual (about 20 years young) that passed away and I had a very difficult time dressing him and being present for the funeral. Probably one of the most emotional funerals I was apart of.

IRateBoobies2 karma

I have a friend that works for a funeral home here in Texas. He says that the blood drained simply goes down the drain.

So help me out here Does the blood simply get washed down the drain?

AnonymousBrownsFan2 karma

It goes right into the drain yes. He is right on the money.

pouponstoops2 karma

How did you like Bernie?

AnonymousBrownsFan1 karma

Bernie Kosar or the movie?

kperkins19822 karma

If instead of spending money on an expensive casket and funeral, people should donate to charity.

Do you think that before people die they actually want their money spent on something so stupid?

Do you ever feel bad about preying on the vulnerable for profit?

AnonymousBrownsFan1 karma

This is a tough question and I answered it earlier.

PabstyLoudmouth2 karma

Does your family find it odd that you chose this profession? GO BROWNS!!

AnonymousBrownsFan4 karma

No they do not. In fact most of us have worked at this exact funeral home at one point in our lives!

The people who own the Funeral Home are a very close family friend.

My Mother, Aunt, and 2 sisters were all coffee ladies part time at one point and my Grandfather was an assistant part time at one point as well!


creamtie2 karma

What do you do during work hours when there is no work to do? A lost friend of mine played COD 4 with me online whenever he got a break from the morbid stuff.

AnonymousBrownsFan2 karma

There was usually always something to do, whether you are prepping for future visitings or funerals or cleaning up things.

If there was down time and I was by myself I would just watch TV and order some grub.

AnonymousBrownsFan5 karma

I have seen plenty of attractive females at visitations and funerals but never even attempted!

SuaveMF2 karma

A few questions please: (1) What percentage of the deceased's jewelry make it from the funeral home to the burial? (2) What happens if folks can't afford a funeral? You finance them or just say "So sad, too bad."? (3) What percentage of funeral home directors sodomize the bodies or fondle them? (4) What do you think of the Moody Blues? (5) Do you put out coffee for the services and if so how good is it? (6) Have you seen any paranormal activity on the job (ex. lights flickering on and off, corpse speaking, etc.?) (7) Is gambling allowed by family/friends at the wake, like impromptu dice games. etc.? (8) Do you catch kids screwing around the place, trying to sneak into the basement, etc. when there's a wake? (9) What requests from loved ones would be denied? (10) You meet any nice broads at the wakes? - Thanks!!

AnonymousBrownsFan3 karma

1.) At our funeral home 100% we are anal about jewelry. Unless the family wants to keep it before we close the casket, in which we would take it off and give it to them.

2.) We usually find a way to make the finances work. We will never leave somebody out in the cold.

3.) 0% at our funeral home

4.) Not sure what the moody blues are?

5.) Yes we put coffee and pastries out for visitings and funerals. It is top notch stuff!

6.) I have never seen any paranormal stuff but I have heard things while I work nights alone. I have become used to it.

7.) I have never seen any gambling at a funeral or visiting

8.) Kids screw around all the time! They are a pain in the behind.

9.) Never deny a request... ever. Bad business.

10.) Yes I have, a lot of attractive ones as well.

SuaveMF3 karma

Great responses thanks! For # 3 I was looking for a percentage nationwide though.

AnonymousBrownsFan3 karma

I am not sure the exact number. Probably less than 5%

Law_Doge1 karma

Has anybody ever requested to be dressed in an odd piece of clothing? For example, a pair of Air Jordan 11 in white and legend blue.

AnonymousBrownsFan4 karma

You get some pretty crazy requests... like being buried in your favorite teams jersey, but never some Cool Grey 11's.

jay_emdee1 karma

Do you ever pretend to be a rock star and serenade the corpses when no one is around?

AnonymousBrownsFan5 karma


RubxQub1 karma

Have you ever had bodies move on you just due to rigor-mortis setting in or any other reason? What's it like? Do you ever get used to it (if it happens)?

It sounds like the most horrifying thing that could possibly happen.

AnonymousBrownsFan1 karma

In my 2 years I never witnessed it.

Nextfoot1 karma

Have you ever seen a Islamic funeral take place?

AnonymousBrownsFan1 karma

I have not. We usually did protestant or roman catholic funerals.

Gus_TheAnt1 karma

How accurate are shows like Six Feet Under when it comes to the process of embalming, and facial reconstruction, and actually guiding a family through the burial process?

AnonymousBrownsFan1 karma

I have never seen the show; however, I have heard that the show is a tad fabricated.

Gus_TheAnt2 karma

If you ever get the chance you should definitely watch it. I think it's the greatest show ever made next to Game Of Thrones.

AnonymousBrownsFan1 karma

Wow, high praise! Now I have to look into it.

Gus_TheAnt2 karma

It's an older show, but if you've seen Dexter and liked Micheal C. Hall then you'll love his portrayal of David in SFU.

AnonymousBrownsFan1 karma

Very cool!

alcoholdrugs-4 karma

Can yuo get drink off formmldehyde? If ya please embalm me?

AnonymousBrownsFan3 karma

You will die if you drink it. It is extremely toxic.

However, people do lace their joints/blunts in it.