IamA drug mule from Ireland who did 3 years in Colombian prison, when I killed another inmate. AMA

What was the prisoner hierarchy inside like? If there was any. Were there any gangs, caste systems?

of course. There was one guy who ran the whole show, El Donkey. There were three more guys at high levels, and loads of middle managers for every patio and pasillo in the prison.

Gangs, more than I could keep track of. I lived in a different area because I had a bit of money. There were the m-19 guerrillas, there were cocaine cartels, but no paramilitaries at that stage of the game.

Let's say I'm in Colombia and go to prison, I don't have any money. I just want to chill, how would I fare? Would I be likely killed?

You would not fare out too well. You have to buy your cell. If you don't have your own cell, you'd be in a pasillo or a horrible place with 5 or 7 other people. You're in the shit.

There was a Canadian who had no money, crackhead, and nobody respected him. I don't know what happened to him, but it was not easy time.

What do you think, in South American culture, determines the brutal attitudes of the local people living there? We always hear about cartels or paramilitaries brutality throughout the continent. Is that because of lawlesness, corruption, socio-economic reasons or is it "in their blood", so to speak?

Nobody cares about their next-door neighbor.

Are you at all surprised at the amount of vitriol you're receiving from people who look at you as little more than a junkie and a murderer? Do you think that attitude is more typically American--the primary demographic of reddit--or do you experience that from fellow Colombians as well?

Not too surprised. No typical nationality, but it's common that people get to know me and are surprised when they found out my past. They're shocked because I'm gentle and easy going and all that.

Another question :)

What was the craziest thing you saw while in the columbian jail? How was your day to day life? Do you still see people who were inside with you? and finally, what did you do to stay alive?

The craziest thing, we were sent to patio 4 the crackheads' patio. They had this guy strung up and were showing off their capabilities with the knife. That was the closest night to hell I ever lived.

I lived every day like a king.

I saw two guys just last week. One is an extremely rich emerald dealer. The other is a complete street tramp derelict. I asked him about his nephew, and his nephew had been killed. The emerald dealer is OK. Most everybody I was in prison with have been killed by now.

To stay alive, I had a few quid. I also took care of that football mate of mine, another angle.

I also took care of that football mate of mine, another angle.

Wait...What?

From an earlier thread. Read the story of how I had to kill a fella because of prison politics: http://www.expat-chronicles.com/2009/09/the-micks-prison-murder/

FUCK ಠ_ಠ What a way to go out: Swiss cheese'd in the yard and have ya throat opened in the infirmary.... So did the cue-ball ever make it back to the table?

I never found out what happened to the cueball but it never made it back to the table.

What was the reason for killing the inmate? do you have any remorse for it?

You have to understand that in La Modelo prison, life was absolutely worthless. Life had no value whatsoever. So this one fella, a football mate I was friendly with, sold me something that wasn't his. It became a tense situation in the prison yard because the owner of the item was a mafia guy, and I had this item in my pocket. YOU CAN NOT DO THAT. It was him or me, the football mate of mine. He did it so he could smoke more crack. If that's not a killing offense, nothing is. And in La Modelo, that definitely is.

I have zero remorse whatsoever.

How did you do it?

It was me and another fella we got him with knives. Nobody suspected us.

Thank you for your answer.

I have another one - How did killing this guy affected you?

It didn't. I don't mean to be rude but I should've killed more of them, many situations called for it.

so you killed him because the mafia guy told you to?

I just read the story here. The mafia guy owned the pool table that a crackhead stole a queue ball from. He sold the queue ball to OP. The mafia guy was understandably pissed, because you can't play pool without a queue ball. The mafia guy was losing the money he usually charged people to play pool because, again, the table was missing a queue ball. Word got around that OP had the queue ball. The crackhead begged OP to give him the pool ball back, and he did. Crackhead sold it again. It was then put on OP's shoulders to murder the crack head for the aggravation caused to the mafioso who owned the pool table.

TL;DR - Crackhead wrongs mafioso in pursuit of said crack, involves OP in misdeed.

that is an excellent summary.

1. Why buy a cue ball?

2. I know you said you can get you can get anything at any time for a price, but... a pool table? really? How did that get snuck in? I imagine it wasn't in a hooker's vagina.

Inmates carved works of art out of pool balls. Cue balls were the best.

Nothing was necessarily snuck in. A pool table wouldn't even be prohibited. Look up what was happening in La Modelo when the paramilitaries arrived and had to live next to the guerrillas. Both sides had machine guns and grenades and more, and a fragile peace.

Here is the full story. http://bit.ly/1qIlkWh

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I was addicted to heroin and mad out of me head morning noon and night. I was desperate for money every minute of the day.

I have lived in Colombia since 1986. It's my favorite country in the world, once you learn the place, the people.

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Not at all. It was quite easy to find jobs teaching English.

Students- "Teacher, how are you so fluent in spanish and english" Mick- "Its a long story" Students- "How long?" Mick- "Three years in la pinta long"

But seriously, did any of your students ask how you learned?

I tell them. I don't have to tell everyone but I tell them. No qualms about it.

Did you have any sort of training in how to teach before you got there?

No training.

You see they tried to teach me Irish, which you may know as "Gaelic", by the formal way of learning language. And it didn't work at all, for me or anybody else in Ireland. So I developed my own way in prison that would have made sense to me and it works for teaching English.

How was life in La Modela? Did/do gangsters run the show? How easy was it for the average inmate to get ahold of phrohibited items? (drugs, booze, etc.) Was there a great deal of corruption amongst the staff? More than back home?

You could get anything you wanted at any given moment. Fantastic drugs. In prison was the only time I went for years without lacking marijuana ever. Maybe 2 or 3 hours at the most, waiting for a Sunday morning when the whores who visited would take the drugs out of their pussy or whatever. But the wait was never long.

The screws do not run the prison there. The prisoners run the prison. That's the main difference between here and there. And if anyone wants to kill someone at any time, you tell the screw to fuck off.

Wow, did the ganja smell fishy? How did one make transactions? Was there barter and trade? Also, were there many other Westerners locked up with you?

The weed smelled great! Usually just bought weed with coins (colombian pesos). There was one guy Jack Tambour, who was involved with Carlos Lehder. He arrived a year after I got there.

What was your last day locked up like?

Horrible. I was waiting over a week for the release. Los Angelitos (http://bit.ly/1s2dsmZ) delayed in paying a bond for my release.

How did you get caught?

I was with my girlfriend at Wimpy, a hamburger joint in the second floor of El Dorado airport. I saw these little people on the stairs. They were cops and they said (in Spanish) "you are under arrest" .. but the bags of coke weren't even with us they were in the other corner of the restaurant.

But how did the cops know?

We were guaranteed safe passage through the airport by this Colombian narco who was dressed like a pilot. I don't know how they knew. I suppose they got a tip-off. A gringo and a gringa 28 years ago in El Dorado airport wasn't very common, so maybe it was that.

You were probably the decoy shipment so that a much larger shipment could pass through without the airport security/customs looking like they weren't doing their job.

That's what most of the people on the show LOCKED UP ABROAD were, just decoys. They were never meant to succeed.

Los Angelitos were a family outfit connected to the Cali Cartel, and one of them was locked up with me. I believe the decoy strategy of the screws wasn't really used at that stage of the game, 1986 that is.

What happened to the woman you were with?

She went to the woman's prison .. we discovered that she was pregnant while we were both in prison.

Today she is back in Dublin.

Did you ever meet the baby?

Not in person.

What is the one place you wanna visit once?

Heaven

Hate to ask, but can you tell us more about your worst experience in the crack den in prison?

We were hoping to save this for the book, but obviously AMA is anything. They had this fella strung up. He was being repeatedly raped, but mostly they were practicing their knife fight moves on him, just nicking him but dozens of times if not hundreds. In the morning his entire body was covered with these little knife cuts. I don't know how many times he was raped. And the whole time everybody in the large dormitory was smoking crack.

Hell on earth.

What was the reason for doing it to that particular guy? And by raped do you mean with objects or dicks...or both?

They just grabbed him off the train, the train is the newcomers. These are hardcore criminals and they know who to pick on and who not to pick on. He was weak, an easy target.

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My childhood was the happiest you could possibly believe.

I started to use drugs because those priests and politicians told me I couldn't do it. Who are they to tell me? It's a great feeling getting stoned. It opened up my mind; the artistic side in me.

Were you seen as more of a target being from a different country while inside? I haven't spent a great deal of time in Colombian prisons, but I can only assume there are not a lot of Irish guys running around.

No, actually the opposite. More like a hero figure. I was treated like a king. I knew how to treat the people.

What does that entail in order to stay alive?

It's nice to be important but it's more important to be nice.

What do your kids think about you? And what do/did your family think about you and what you've done?

My kids love me. My family loves me too. My brothers and sisters are all straight edge, but they still love me.

How's your Spanish? What did they call you in prison nickname wise?

My spanish is great. My nickname was "El Gringo".. once I got out and was on the streets being a drunk, "Cristo Fua" Fua is a street name for coke here.

What did you do with yourself out of prison? Did you have a place to live?

I went to live at Los Angelitos house. While there, I started to teach English. But then I was forced to move .. and the ones who moved in were the ones who killed Los Angelitos.

Still doing drugs?

I have a lot of weed in my fridge, but I haven't been smoking too much. A little snort now and then. But nothing like the 90s when I first got out.

Do you ever plan on returning to Ireland?

I'd love to go back next year for a visit. Colombia is my home.

Colombian women--are they as good as their reputations? Easy to attract women in jail / once you got out?

As good as advertised. In jail very easy, once I got out very easy.

What were your feelings after your first kill? Have they changed since?

I killed a fella who had killed a grandmother and granddaughter and nailed them to the back of a door. I had no feelings after or since.

What do you make about the girls who were arrested for trying to smuggle drugs into back into England?

Is it likely that they were really threatened into it?

Are you referring to the Peru Two? I wouldn't be able to say.

I think so. The two young girls. One of them is Irish.

I understand you can't say. So we you aware of anything what the say happened, actually happening?

The Peru Two have admitted to smuggling the cocaine. Other than that, the best analysis is from thiat link shared by Slackroyd: http://www.expat-chronicles.com/2014/07/peru-two-smuggler/

Did you grow up with any Roman Catholic influence?

Of course. Catholic Ireland. There are over 500 priests in prison right now from Ireland.. from the time I grew up. Jesus Christ and Company Limited.

Were you scared back then when you realize what you got into?

and today, are you scared of anything?

I was a drug addict back then .. So I wasn't scared. Today, I am not sure if I am scared of anything.

What was your scariest moment? Thanks for sharing with us.

The prison riot @ Mount Joy prison in Dublin. Here is the full story: http://bit.ly/UUU0d2

What's the worst thing you have seen in prison?

How were you treated?

How was the food?

And the toilet?

The toilet was full of rats.

Have you seen Locked Up Abroad on the National Geographic Channel? Sounds like your story would be great for it.

When I was in the nick, the National Geographic was a magazine.

Qubo hermano. What part of Bogota are you around mostly? I always keep an eye out for you in the center and Chapinero. I have been following your story on Colin's website for a while now. I was curious if you've met any of the Farc low level militia commanders around the city. It seems every couple of weeks there is an explosion in the center, Kenedy or on 26th avenue or some shit. Do you have any idea why that's happening?

p.s. era gol de Yepes?

I'm naturally around the center, Chapinero, and the north. Plaza Lourdes would be the #1 spot of anywhere to find me.

I knew a lot of M-19 in the 80s, but never met a FARC. The explosions I know of have been perpetrated by drug dealers. They're trying to send a message to certain police stations.

Nobody ever spoke about the goal Brazil scored two minutes before that. It was a beaut.

What went through you head when you got caught?

I can only imagine the feeling and the scenarios one could create in their head, when getting caught like that.

I'm up shit's creek without a paddle.

What do you do now for a living?

I teach English. Best English teacher in Bogota

English is my second language. A close friend asked me to teach him to speak fluent English within a month pretty much from scratch. Any tips?

"You" is not pronounced "iuu" and "to" is not pronounced "tu". It's "ye" and "ta". And don't emphasize "can" or "was". Don't say i WAAAS talking or i CAAN swim. I was TALKING, or I can SWIM. Think about pronunciation and rhythm.

When I heard of Irish, Colombia, drug arrest theses were the first guys I thought of.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colombia_Three

Sounds like you served your stretch and came out a wiser man. Compared to an English nick how much worse is Colombian time ? I know someone who did a little time in Jamaica he came out a changed man

I went into the nick the exact same day as Los Priscos, the famous assassins. When you go in the first day, you're friends. Everybody thought we were together.

I don't know anything about those Irish fellas who were building the bombs for the FARC.

I've never been in an English prison, just lockups. An English nick could be terrible for an Irishman in the 80s I imagine.

Are you single?

I have a GF. Together 5 years.

Did you speak Spanish before you went in? If not, what was it like to be locked up and not understand anything?

I spoke no Spanish. I felt like I was in limbo. I was constantly spooked by the word, arepa. But I learned.

IS there a prison movie that you could connect with your experience?

I thought Midnight Express .. but my experience was much better.

Hey The Mick,

I was just wondering if you've ever read the autobiography of Salvador Dali?

If so what did you think of its voracity? If not, then how do you feel about the nature of storytelling as it relates to fact and fiction and the usefulness and possibly necessity of exaggeration in order to really spice up a tale with the proper juice to build an audience?

Noo Noo Noo Noo no. No exaggerations at all.

Have you always lived in Bogota? Any other Colombian cities?

Always in Bogota .. since 1986

Have you ever been robbed or mugged in Bogotá? I suppose an afirmative answer, so: how many times?

I've been mugged at least twice.

I don't know how many times I've taken the burundanga, or escopolamina. Maybe 20. See this article for more about that: http://www.expat-chronicles.com/2009/10/scopolamine-in-colombia/

My Family is all from Bogota and I've lived in Manizales for about a year. I truly believe that the effects and usage of burundanga are throughly overstated. What I've come to understand is that, more than anything, the substance is used as a threat or even a sort of suggestion that allows drunk people to feel more helpless than they really are. That being said I've never been burundangeado (I think) and I'm more working off the realization that Colombians are very alarmist and superstitious. Do you agree or do you actually thing devil's breath is so powerful?

The effects are not overstated. My apartment was completely cleared out, they took away everything. I was left naked in a blanket. I learned the next day they rented a van.

Great read! I was in Columbia last weekend visiting from the States, and a cab driver had a crazy name for coke. I couldn't remember it and never tried the stuff.. It was like "white____". Two words. Any ideas? Like "white Shepard" or "white blanket". It was a term I've never heard of here and live in a coke filled town.

doña blanca, which means lady white. The most common term is perico, and with the real crooks and underworld it's fua.

Do you have any tips? If life has taught you anything about the Game what would it be?

Get out of bed early every morning and do some exercises. Keep your best foot forward.

Everyone seems interested in the gory stories but I'm wondering if there were any moments when the vibe in prison hell was normal, peaceful, joyous, wholesome? Like during WW2 when the nazis and the allies mingled on Christmas and sang Christmas carols and gave each other presents and then had to go back to fighting the next day.

Was there ever a break from the brutalness and ruthlessness of prison?

Edit: I done goofed, it wasn't WWII it was WWI. Thanks /u/balogny

Most of the time it was like that, everybody smoking grass all day long. I spent most of my time playing football, running around and being fit.

There were murders and scandals but I was above all that. I kept my distance.

Do you have children?

Yes. My sister was at my granddaughter's baptism a few weeks ago with the mother in Dublin.

How much did it cost to buy your cell in prison?

I have no idea. Everything was negotiated beforehand by the Angelitos. I couldn't even speak Spanish, I didn't even know you had to buy a cell until I'd been there a while. Everything was taken care of by Los Angelitos.

Who's your super smash brothers main? I'm thinking jigglypuff

Is this English? It sure isn't Spanish.

Do you ever want to leave Colombia?

Colombia's a great place.

You say that you killed a inmate, what did you feel after you killed the inmate, and what was the situations that lead you to killing him?

This has been gone over a few times. See the first question by Tsing_Tao.

why did you kill the guy?

This has been gone over a few times. See the first question by Tsing_Tao.

How many Colombian girlfriends do you cycle at a time?

Only have one girlfriend, been together 5 years.

You ever had any problems with islamic extremists on street or jail? I'm just curious because i live in society like that.

Never heard of that in Colombia.