Nick Swardson, let's dance. AMA.

Did your apartment neighbor REALLY think you were shooting a gay porno??

Yes. Not joking.

Do you still own those skates from Reno 911? All of my favorite episodes include you in those skates and wearing short shorts.

Yeah, those were actually my skates. I still own them. They're made by Sketchers. I got them free at David Spades roller skating party.

Hi Nick! Can you describe a time where you were violently too high?

Me and Zach Galifinakis ate pot cookies once and Zach's roommate got so high he started crying and we asked him what was wrong and he said he couldn't figure out how to walk down the stairs.

Did you ever fucking find Kelly?!

Also, sick show at Iowa State. Stay golden pony boy.

No, that fucking stupid drunk whore.

Hey! I still watch Grandma's Boy and crack up at your racecar bed! That is one of the few scenes in any movie I can still watch and laugh every time :) Keep it up! One question, What's the worse heckler you've ever had to face at a comedy show? And how did you handle it?

I ate hot shit once at a Def Jam club in New York. Got boo'd off the stage by a girl with gold teeth.

Nick - I sat back row at your Beggin Strips show in NYC last year. I was super high when my best friend and I won a contest to sit in the first row and meet you after (you were very ill). Naturally, in my state, I was frightened to sit front row at a comedy show and get called out. You ended up asking me what my biggest fear was - I almost vomited and didn't reply. Wanted to tell you now what it is: Being wrongfully accused and going to maximum security prison.

What's your biggest fear?

That's a good one. Sorry to put you on the spot at the show haha. I was sick as fuck. Brutal. See the movie 'Felon' with my friend Steven Droff. You'll get massive anxiety.

Im taking a dump right now. Any tips?

Stand up and do a cart wheel in the middle of it.

Can you please tell me how good "Diarrhea Island" would be as a movie with you and Sandler?

It would sweep the Oscars.

How much drinking was actually going on while filming Hollywood Game Night? Stacy Karosi was a bit out of control.

Me and Leah were LITERALLY shit faced. They keep bringing cocktails. It was so fun.

Hi Nick!

You've played a lot of insane roles over the last few years. Which character have you had the most fun with so far?

Also, do you own a monkey that you can high-five whenever you want free of charge?

Terry from Reno. I own over 5,000 monkeys.

Nicholas! i use to follow you around at Seattle's Bumbershoot when i was like 14 or 15 (about 10 years ago), you would tell everybody i was your brother, so i was able to always cut in lines and walk back stage when i wanted.
We use to email back n forth on your hotmail acct, and you said, you would send me an autographed malibu's most wanted poster, i never recieved this! do you remember this at all?

Vaguely. I'm sure I sent it. It was probably intercepted by ninja's.

Did you really get a handjob from an old Chinese prostitute in that abandoned building? And also do you still stalk Jimmy MacElroy?

Yeah, the hand job story is true. Haha. And Jimmy and I don't talk. Restraining order shit.

If you could pick one superpower what would it be?

To run really fast and then do a cannon ball while sucking my own dick.

If granted this superpower, would you spit or swallow?

Swallow. Duh.

Who would you rather sleep with 50 years ago, Shirley Jones or Shirley Knight?

Brad Pitt

Fight Club Brad or Happy Feet 2 Brad?

Seven Brad. Duh

Who would you cast as yourself in a biopic about your life, and what would be the childhood trauma that motivated you?

Danny Glover

How effective do you think the christianmingle.com ads are that play during your show in the middle of the night on Comedy Central? When a christianmingle.com ad immediately follows the Handy Man 3000 bit, are they wasting their advertising dollar?

Ha. Yes. #RIPpretendtime

Is there anything that fans say at you all the time that you are just sick of hearing?

No. I love my fans.

Why did you never get a vine? It seemed perfect for you. Also, who is your favorite comedian today, besides yourself.

I have a Vine account. I might get into it. And my favorite comic is Bill Burr.

Who is your biggest inspiration as an actor and comedian? Thanks!

Woody Allen

Nick, as a huge Vikings fan, what did you think about their draft and the free agents they signed? Also, Adrian Peterson is doing an AMA on the 24th if you want to check it out.

Draft was solid. We should start Cassel over Teddy though.

Are you proud of yourself for being the first to give the world the word redonkulous?

It was on David Spade's old show on Comedy Central.

I'm proud of you.

Yeah, i get no credit for that. Thank you.

Hello from Minnesota! My husband I are huge fans of your character in Just Go with It. “Dolph has zero dollars” is now an automatic response of his if prompted to pick up a tab. My question is- How much of that movie, specifically your parts, was unscripted? Thanks for the AMA!

50/50 probably. I made up a lot of the Dolph stuff. Especially the rant at the dinner table with Aniston.

Do you still game on Halo?

Or other games at all?

Titanfall is tiiiiiiiiiight, brah

Yeah, I still game. My tag is NSwardson. My other accounts got banned from me being a lunatic. Looking forward to Destiny!!!

Are you gay?

Only on week days and weekends.

Have you shown your watch to anyone lately?

Ha. Actually no. I haven't done that in a while. Might dust off my cock this weekend and bust it out.

Will you uh... smoke weed with me? I'll provide the weed... just bring a lighter man you know how easy it is to lose one.

is that really the best question i can come up with. I JUST HAPPEN TO LOOK AT RISING AND ITS AN AMA OF NICK SWARDSON.

Haha. i don't smoke weed.

Would you rather have diarrhea every time you sneezed or blow Louie Anderson every day for the rest of your life?

I'd rather eat Louie Anderson's diarrhea every day.

As a comic who's just starting out, what's your favorite Nintendo game?

Super Mario Brothers

My two favorite roles of yours have to be Jeff from Grandma’s Boy and the Bed Bath & Beyond employee from Click, soooo hilarious!! Were those roles written specifically for you, or did you have to audition?

I wrote Grandma's Boy so I wrote that part for me. And Adam Sandler threw me that part in Click. That's the first thing we did together. We couldn't get through the scene with out laughing.

Nick! I introduced my friends to the Gay Robot pilot, and since then we have been quoting it consistently. Will you please bring Gay Robot back in some way, perhaps another episode? Where my baby birds at?

Later, bulges.

It's mind blowing that that pilot didn't get picked up. I'm done with Gay Robot. I've tried in every way to get that going.

Hey Nick Swardson, I'm a huge fan, thank you for giving us this opportunity

• What's it like working with Adam Sandler?

• Nicolas Cage, yay or nay?

• Do you have any favourite off camera memories from any of your films?

Thank you again for this chance, on behalf of this AMA I'd like to commend you on your talents and wish you luck on your current and future projects

1. Adam is awesome. Really great guy. I've worked with him now for 10 years and nobody makes me laugh more on and off camera. We can never get through scenes together cause we're both immature and keep laughing. Honestly I don't get like that with anyone else.
2. yay and nay

Thanks for doing this, I have questions (one or two- if you'll have me), First, Any interesting experiences with fans that you'd like to share?Second, Who's your favorite comedian from the past and present?

Stand up wise, Steve Martin, Chris Rock and Bill Burr

What up Nick! Huge fan. Any plans to make a Terry spin-off?

That's funny. I tried to do that when Reno ended. I wanted to do a spin off where Terry is a private investigator. Called 'Terry P.I.'. But the network didn't go for it.

Hi Nick! Thanks for doing this Ama! First off, I'm a HUGE fan. I have two questions- What advice do you have for a new standup comic? What is the happiest thing you can think of?

Do what you think is funny. And be prepared to eat shit.

I recently drove by Space Aliens and thought of you. Just wanted to let you know we still love you back in good ol' MN.

You goin' to the fair?

I'm at the State theater in Sept. Probably won't hit fair.

Hey Nick! Huge fan and aspiring comedian in Chicago - saw you last summer at the Vic!

Who is the funniest person you know when they're not trying to be funny or make people laugh?

ALSO - the podcast you did with Norm MacDonald is one of the funniest things I have ever listened to.

Spade and Sandler

hello Nick, huge fan! and will you have a new full length special on CC this fall along with the tour?

Yeah, taping in November. It'll air next year.

Favorite Arnold Schwarzenegger movie?

Total Recall or 2 Girls 1 Cup.

What upcoming roles, etc. are you most excited about?

New tour and new movie 'Hell and Back'

Do you find it difficult to stay in character on screen for a hilariously creepy role like Hector in Blades of Glory?

Yeah, I just a role in Pixel's coming out next year. It was a quick piece but intense. I had to cry on camera.

You're part of the Comedy Central standup/sketch comedy shows (you, Dave Chappelle, Demetri Martin, Amy Schumer, Key & Peele, etc.). Do you think that formula is being done to death?

No, cause everyone has their point of view. All those shows are different.

Should I be concerned if I feel satisfied after watching Buck Larson?

No. It's cinematic history.

Hey Nick, big fan!

I first remember seeing you play a crazy Bowie fan in Almost Famous and then again as crazy figure skating fan in Blades Of Glory and just really out there crazy in Benchwarmers. What's up with that? Are you the go to guy for playing insane characters? How do you prepare yourself for those kind of roles?

Also when will you do a new comedy special??? The Seriously, Who Farted one was funny as shit so i hope you have plans for a new one in the future.

New special called 'Taste It' next year. Taping in November.

How many push ups can you do?

I do about 3 a year.

Do you have any improv background? Who was the easiest to make break in Reno 911 when you were rattling off Terry-isms?

Yeah, started in theater than improv then stand up. That's a tough call. Carlos and Tom probably.

EXPELLED FROM HIGHSCHOOL!! What did you do Nick?

4 times.

What was your favorite Pretend Time sketch? Also whats the best cure for diarrhea?

Suck Your Own Dick Abs. Can't believe it made it to air. That sketch was insane.

Have you ever thought about doing a show in Duluth?

Yeah.

As a person who has you saying "I don't like this" as my texting notification, it's pretty clear I think you're one of the funniest out there. Please, tell me, when are you coming to NJ?

Check tour dates on the link.

First of all, thank you so much for doing this AMA. You are my favorite comedian/actor and have been for years so I was excited to get the chance to ask you a question!

1. When did you decide to commit to the dream of being a stand up comedian?
2. If you were not acting and doing stand up, where would you be right now and what would you be doing?
3. Can we ever expect anything like Pretend Time again? I miss that show, and it's no longer on netflix.

PS I'm glad you enjoyed this picture I took of you at California University! I hope to continue seeing your name in movies and would love the chance to see you live again!

1. The second I got off stage for the first time I knew that's what my life was about. It was instant. Other comics have told me that too. It's not something you dabble in. It's a part of you.
2. I'd be a brain surgeon
3. Developing a new show now. Not a sketch show though.

Hi Nick! You're one of my favorite comedians of all time, what was the most fun show that you've done, and are you planning on doing any more movies/TV shows any time soon? Thank you so much for doing this AMA btw. =D

New movie coming out called 'Hell and Back'. Also developing a new TV show on Comedy Central with the director of Grandma's Boy with Danny McBride producing.

Do you get pissed when people constantly ask if you are gay.. or not?

No. I think it's funny. I should start being gay.

Thinking about the monkey high 5 story has gotten me through some tough times, and for that I thank you.

How often do you have to break out the kicks that you showed in 30 minutes or less?

Your welcome and the kicks get busted out about 10 times a day. I live in a very rough hasidic jewish neighborhood.

Hey Nick, do you participate in drugs? What are your favorite drugs to participate in?

I don't do drugs. Just drink.

Can I send you a box of shit for your birthday?

PLEASE!! Wrap it in dick sweat.

1) Favourite beer, bro? 2) Would you ever do a stand-up show in Ireland? It'd be great to see you here!

Love your work! Thanks so much!

1) I'm a vodka man 2) I'd love to come to Ireland.

What was your favorite memory of filming reno911?

Too many. That show was a blast. 100% unscripted. Every day at work we had no fucking idea what was going to go down.

Is being famous fun or does it get old?

It's fun. It gets weird cause I don't think of myself as famous so when people stare at me I get creeped out. Haha. Not that I'm hugely famous but enough I guess.

How often do you come up to the Cities ? My friend got a pic with you at a twins game or some shit. I live in WI just thought I would ask fucker

twice a year

How nervous were you doing Almost Famous? We should totally smoke drugs and listen to Bowie some day...

I was nervous and flattered. Cameron Crowe was someone I worship. He put me in that role cause he thought I was funny. It was even in the script. That role, albeit brief, kept my confidence going in Hollywood for years cause he believed in me.

Respect for your love of Minnesota sports. Can you ball? When Kevin Love leaves Minnesota you gonna fill that spot in the paint?

Yeah, I play shooting guard. Kevin is a power forward so I'd have to get surgery on my body to fill that role.

Pepsi or Coke?

Coke. Not even a question.

You are my comedic HERO! Whats the worst thing that has happened to you on stage?

I shit my pants and then ate the feces for no good reason.

Meth cupcakes or pot brownies. Also, how much fun did you have with Pretend Time and what was your favorite moment?

Pretend Time was a lot of work. Fun. But a lot of work. Way more than I antisipated. Bob Odenkirk told me before I started that I'm going to hate doing a sketch show after one season. He was write. He created Mr. Show and wrote on SNL.

Where's the best pho?

Oh Pho You Didn't

Hey, Nicholas! I sent you my blood!! Did you get my blood?! My question is the following: When did you first realize you were funny? Was it as a child?

Yeah. I used my sense of humor to get by in life. I was small and went to tough schools. It got me out of getting my ass kicked.