IamA survivor of a nearly fatal facial stabbing AMA!

Tigerlilly, youre beautiful and brave to talk about this. Do you talk to schools are groups about violence now?

Thank you. I do not, but have been thinking about it.

I just dont know how to begin that process

It's true you are quite beautiful, and you look to be healing well!

Thank you very much!

You are stunning! You have a beautiful smile !

I am so sorry you had to endure this terrible assault. I'm sure the pain - emotionally and physically - was a hard thing to bear at times.

I sincerely hope you are doing well and that your future will be bright!

You take care.

Nana internet hug PS - How are you handling everything as of today??

Thank you very much! And I am handling things very well. I am glad I get to finally share my story with everyone. And if I decide to take it further, I will let you all know!

You'd be surprised what a phone call can do. Just call the principal of a local school and see if they'd like to form an assembly for your purpose. The worst that can happen is they say no. The best that can happen is that they help you plan it and even contact other school principals for you. Back when I was in school, we had a guy come in and talk about drunk driving after he and his wife were hit by one as they slept in their own bed (crashed through the wall of their house). It turned out that's exactly how he got started. Called a school.

Just FYI stuff because I think you'd bring a great message to a generation of kids that know stories of people shooting places up for not getting a date.

I will, thank you so much!

1) Are you paying off lots of hospital bills? 2) Have you prosecuted him? 3) Do you have lasting scars on you face? 4) Were you traumatized? 5) Were you afraid you were going to die? 6) How long were you at the hospital for? (hope this isn't too many)

I had TONS! Of medical and dental bills. But my insurance was more than willing to work with me, not to mention he has to pay restitution.

He went to prison for a max of 5 years and 90% of it has to be served and 1 strike. He was charged with domestic violence and mayhem.

I have many scars, but most have healed quite nicely

I am to this day traumatized, but not nearly as bad as most would think. I have done very well mentally.

I was very afraid I was going to bleed out and die. My instinct told me not to pass out, and after losing half the blood in my body, its amazing I didn't.

I was in the hospital a total of 2 weeks. I was sedated for 12 and had to learn how to walk again the last two.

How was he not charged with attempted murder charge? 5 years seems like peanuts for something this vicious.

They couldn't prove a motive, therefore 'lack of evidence'

Wow, well it's unfortunate that it happened and I really hope that you are able to "get past" your traumatization as much as you can. That reminds me with one other question when you talk about him paying for restitution. Are you going to sue for "pain and suffering" and get a large payout or no?

That conversation is in the works with my father, because I dont know much about what I can or cant do about it.

He is supposed to give me $24,000 in restitution but hes only paid $600 in an almost 2 year period

If he is not paying you will have to force the payment using the courts. He might not be able to, leading to claims on property/income or his bankrupcy. IANAL, I would advice to ask a lawyer.

Well I am having all the restitution go to my dad since he paid for all my medical expenses. He is working things out for me.

I've served on a jury where a young guy's face was smashed. He needed several surgeries and had some permanent nerve damage. Those scars and numbness are reminders that might never go away. I would expect a civil suit award much higher than $24k. IIRC, we decided total damages at 6 or 7 figures and the defendant was ~65% responsible for the injury so he owed 65% of the award. The judge had some sort of final say on the verdict so the numbers could have changed.

Getting the money out of the attacker is another matter however.

Yea. We are looking into a pain and suffering lawsuit.

Holy hell. No questions, just wanted to say that after reading your script ion of what happened to you it's nice to hear you're doing well and haven't fallen completely to pieces. Good luck with the future traveller!

Thank you!

I must say you look very pretty, after it all.

Thank you very much! That means alot

What was affected that you had to learn how to walk again?

Lying down in sedation for two weeks. I wasn't paralyzed or anything, just had to gain strength in my legs again.

It took me about two days.

Oh okay that makes sense! Thanks for answering.

No problem!

Looking back, where there any warning signs he was going to do something like this?

Thats the scariest thing. None, that I could think of.

That is really messed up that someone you thought was a friend was that unstable. :(

I can't imagine going through that.

Just be cautious of people. Im not saying "you cant trust ANYONE." All I want to tell people is, you think you know someone, just be careful of the situations you put yourself in. Always have an exit plan

What does your face look like now?

A year and a half later:

http://i.imgur.com/czwXGSj.jpg

You're beautiful!

Thank you!

Ya you look very good , and I kind of find that cheek scar , looks like a battle scar and it kind of works lol

Ahaha thank you very much

oh you beautiful person, you! And such a cute baby :)

Thank you!

You have a beautiful smile.

Thank you very much

Wow, you look great!

Thank you!

I would absolutely take you out to any place you wanted to go! You have a face any man would want to wake up to for the next 60 years! I'd introduce you to my mom.....

Ahahaha thank you!!

That's awful, was there lasting damage? Can people tell you've been through that by looking at you?

I had severe nerve damage on the right side of my face. To this day my right eye doesn't blink very well, my lip doesn't raise very high, and i have numbness in certain parts of my face.

But it mainly looks like i was in a severe car accident

to what extent has it affected you psychologically? was there a period where you were afraid to date? are you more cautious now?

I wasn't really afraid to date so to speak, I was more or less afraid of people in general.

I would have moments of stand still when a stranger came up to me.

I would imagine them about to shoot me, what life would be like without me, or how they could kill me.

I must have an over active imagination because I do that sometimes as well and I haven't been in any kind of situation like you went through. I think it just comes down to a realization of how fragile life really is and how little control you really have over how long it lasts. Kind of a dark thought but since you don't really have that much control over it you shouldn't be afraid. Just realize it for what it is, and appreciate that you are alive and can be with your friends and family and make the most out of your life.

Exactly!!

Have you had any therapy? I think there's a great potential for you with counseling. You seem to be doing really well, and I think therapy could boost the mental side of things even further.

I did for a while but I overcame most of this on my own

Why was he not charged with attempted murded? Just curious?

They said they didn't have proof of a motive, so it was ruled out with 'lack of evidence'

Uhm. Stabbing u in the face isn't motive enough for attempted murder. . Good Lord this is just one example of how flawed our system is...

Yea, that was my argument... I cried everyday..

Can you describe the physical pain?

Well, when it happened, there was so much going on. It happened in, what seemed like, a blink of an eye.

I had so much adrenaline pumping through my body that when the initial glass cut my face, I didn't feel a thing.

It was the aftermath that hurt. Sitting waiting for the ambulance for 10 minutes, under a kitchen fan..

It throbbed, it stung, and my face felt very cold.

I had most of my lower lip ripped off by a pit bull, and waiting was definitely the worst part. Definitely remember the cold, too. Had some nerve damage, too, but it's either lessened, or I've learned to not notice it. I hope the same for you. Love the username.

Thank you very much.

When the nerves start to regenerate, it is the weirdest feeling. It takes time though. Wish you the best of luck!

How did your ex-boyfriend handle the situation?

To be honest, he made fun of me.. Thats why he is an ex now.

What the fuck...

Yea..

Sounds like a great person....... How awful.

Yea, Luckily I have someone that loves me to pieces now and I have a beautiful son.

Very happy to hear that! Saw your son in the photo you posted. What a cutie! :)

Thank you!

Oh my god... I'm glad he's your ex now.

Yea me too! Lol

Did you rationally know where your relationship was headed before he stabbed you?

Did this happen in the past, and if so, did you ever try to hide it?

What was the process like for you in testifying and watching him get convicted? What was your impression of the defense counsel and his/ her questions? Did you ever feel like you should have recanted or that he shouldn't go to prison?

No it never happened before.

And when I was testifying against him, it was the most difficult thing I had to do, because he wouldn't stop staring at me. I don't, for one second regret sending him to prison, because if it wasn't me, it could have been someone else. I don't wish this upon anyone.

In terms of your recovery after what happened - who was the most supportive person to you and is there any one particular thing they did or didn't do that helped you move forward?

What helped you move forward the most? Was it an internal or external thing? Do you still struggle with what happened?

My father is the best answer for most of these questions. He saved my life. He called 911, gave me towels, kept me awake and calm, stayed with me everyday in the hospital, and my home recovery.

He helped me move forward with pushing me through therapy, or any supportive figures in our family. We have a sense of humor most wont understand. We joke about it. As weird as that sounds.

I still deal with the emotional damage of it all, but its a process only time can mend.

We joke about it. As weird as that sounds.

That's not weird, its actually sweet..traumatic situations hurt less when dipped in a bit of humor...

Yea, especially for my father, he had to see my face in shreds, so when he sees me smile, he cant help but feel better

This must have been very hard for your dad to deal with - pretty much a parent's worst nightmare. I hope he's dealing with it as well as you seem to be.

He has had some hard patches but he is getting a lot better

And I cant help to imagine how if you did date , that in the futur he would also snap and do alot more

Its a fear I have to live with everyday

Stay strong , my current gf is in same situation but we are waiting for cour date , ex jumped her when she did a exange for children , but he still stalks arroud but with no proof cant get him busted for breach of the retraining order .

Omg, I am so sorry. Stay strong, let me know if you need any advice. Best wishes

What happened to the guy that stabbed you? Was justice served?

He was charged with domestic violence and mayhem.

5 years with 90% of it having to be served.

I would say evidently, no, justice was no served.

5 years for stabbing you in the face and nearly killing you... meanwhile people go to jail for what, 20 years for smoking marijuana?

This country... SMH.

Yep. Justice system at its finest

Are you worried about him being released?

Have you had any contact with him?

Also, I'm sorry this happened to you :(

I worry every day about whats going to happen when he is released. I moved to a different state, but they have to inform him where I currently live because he cant be in a 50 mile radius of me.

And no, i have had no contact since the incident

they have to inform him where I currently live because he cant be in a 50 mile radius of me.

That seems stupid, if you are in a different state what are the odds of him even accidentally getting within 50 miles? Not very likely. Compare that to him knowing where you live... Are they going to like give him your address, or just the city/state to avoid?

Not my address. That would be crazy. But where I live now? I do know he had plans to move close to here, so thats scary..

I worry every day about whats going to happen when he is released. I moved to a different state, but they have to inform him where I currently live because he cant be in a 50 mile radius of me.

And no, i have had no contact since the incident

That's kind of fucked up. Why would they tell him where you live? They should just dump his ass in another state and tell him to stay there, or more prison time. You should know where he is. He should not know where you are.

I know which prison he is in currently, he has no idea where I am. Just when he gets out. They don't tell him my address though

That sounds like such a stupid system, although I can see the reason for it. They should just tell him that you are in one of 10 possible locations, all of which he may not come within 50 miles of.

I think he should just be locked up forever, lol

You need to get yourself a gun.

Maybe lol

5 years doesnt seem like enough for that. Fuck him.

Yeah i know :/

[deleted]

Nice suburban area

What do you remember about your ride to the hospital and the care you recieved from the Paramedics. I am a paramedic and I can easily imagine the care that I would give and the reassuance that I give my patients in these type of situations. Did they help reassure you, or try to help keep you calm?

I remember most of the ride to the ER. I remember they asked me to hold gauze on my face while I was bleeding pretty profusely.

They were very reassuring that I was going to be ok, and there is nothing to be scared of. They told me specifically that I was safe and ok.

Thank you for your response. I strive to teach the paramedic students to treat every patient like they are a person and realize that they are having one of the worst days of their lives. We (as paramedics) are not remembered as much as many would think and since we are such a young profession (40 years give or take) we do not have as deep a public relations as other emergency services. I am very happy to hear that the medics that helpped you tried to ease your fear and treat you with professionalism and kindness.

I respect paramedics more than most when this happened. They seemed to be the only ones who truly feared for my life without giving off that vibe.

I want to personally thank you for what you do. You save lives everyday, and I could have been one of them.

Ughh crying lol.

I didn't mean to make you cry... I know personally that I have feared for a person's life and done very well to not give "that vibe", your case may have been one of those. I try not to "armchair" any call I have not been on. I know I try to at least make my patients smile or at least feel a little lighter about the situation.

You didn't make me cry, its the love and compassionate that people are sharing with me on this thread.

It makes me feel good

Damn, That's horrible! What reactions did you get from strangers looking at your face before you healed? any remarkable/funny?

A little girl asked her mom what happened to my face, her mother immediately apologized.

I told her it was ok and proceeded to tell her that I tripped and fell so she needed to be careful where she was walking.

haha, it's good you told her the "fake yet not traumatizing" story.

Yea, she had to be only 3 at most.

Have you taken any steps to improve your self defense? Martial arts, mace, guns?

I have not, I just try to be more cautious of people

I, too, was stabbed with a beer bottle in the face. In the heat of the fight, I didn't know right away. How long did it take you to discover that's what had happened or did you see the bottle coming?

Scars are sexy.

I didn't know that happened until he let me go and I got up. There was blood draining my face and I felt my severed lip dangling on a thin piece of skin.

At the time I didn't know what he used, but when I woke up the detectives told me what he used.

What did he do in the aftermath?
Did he tried to run away from the scene?

After I ran away, he chased me, but couldn't keep up. So he called 911, said we were mugged and stabbed himself in the temple, nicking an artery.

The paramedics saved him, but he's been in custody ever since.

He sounds like a psychopath.

He was.. And is

But you said no warning signs? Did he ever appear psychotic in any way before that night? I know confirmation bias plays a role here, but whatever.

Nope. But what he did is explanation enough for me to call him a psychopath lol

Wait, he cut himself while attacking you and then called 911 on himself?

Yep. Tried to say we got mugged. He's not the brightest crayon in the box.

I can't begin to imagine what you've been through. I'm so sorry. That SOB should be locked up a lot longer than 5 years.

You are a brave and beautiful woman, and I'm wondering, will you be pursuing more reconstructive surgery? No doubt you have already heard about the Face Foundation, which provides facial surgery for survivors of domestic abuse (todaysface.com).

Sending you all good wishes for continued strength and healing.

Ive had two surgeries, (one for fixing the lacerations, second one for removing glass lodged in my nasal cavity) and about to set up my third one.

They want to smooth out my scars and add to my skin graphs

He decided to get drunk in my backyard, call me names, smack me around, and chase me up and down my street.

Were there any bystanders who might have been able to intervene?

My dad was inside sleeping, but my house is pretty much soundproof from the inside

It sounds like a terrifying experience to be all alone and running for your life. I am so glad that you were able to survive the physical and emotional trauma. I hope you are able to live your life in peace and happiness going forward. You earned that much..!

Thank you very much!! I deeply appreciate it

I didn't see this question being asked, but what are your feelings towards the day that he gets out of prison?

Im terrified. The chances of him finding me are slim to none, however, its a fear that I will carry for the rest of my life

Thank you for replying. I just want to say I am sorry you had to deal with that and I wish you the best of luck in the rest of your recovery.

Thank you very much!

This is the real world horror story that doesn't get much coverage outside of schlocky Lifetime movies. Thanks for having the bravery to come forward with this. Abuse against women is still way too prevalent and it sucks completely. I was wondering if, at the time that it happened, you would've had something for defense, like pepper spray, a stun gun, or even some basic self-defense training, do you think it would've helped?

Its difficult to say, I would assume yes, but you never know.

And thank you very much

Do your areas hurt randomly?

I ask because as a child I had a stick bust through my cheekbone and into my skull, as a dumbass I pulled it out. That was about 15 years ago. Still hurts randomly today.

Yes! I had a fractured cheekbone the right side, where the deepest cut was, and they had to put in a plate.

I still have random pains, and I also have mini episodes of numbness

It sucks because its a pain you can't touch or nurse!

Yea, but time mends all wounds!!

Right after he stabbed you, what was his reaction? Did he run?

He let me up, I looked at him and felt all the blood drain from my face. I screamed and ran home.

Apparently he followed me, but at some point stopped and called 911, said we were mugged, and then stabbed himself in the temple.

I'm sorry this happened - I can't imagine what you must have gone through. I hope this doesn't come off as insensitive:

I saw the pictures of the scars early on and much more recently. Do folks ask what happened when you meet new people? What do you tell them?

They do, and depending on the person I will most likely tell the truth, but younger kids or elderly folks, I usually tell them a car accident. Because getting stabbed is a little too intense lol.

is he in prison?

Yes he got 5 years.

does he get released or does he come up for parole in 5 years?

He gets parole, so when he does get released he has to stay in California at least until his parole is over

and how are you with his getting paroled?

I was, and still am, upset with the entire outcome. He should have gotten more years. But at least he got something? Right?

are you allowed to be at his hearing or have representation there?

it might be worth showing the parole board the pictures you posted hear and asking "He did this. Just how rehabilitated did he get in 5 years?"

Im not sure, I can look into it and let you know

well, its really up to you. reminding the parole board that the guy sitting in front of them got drunk and got THAT kind of violent may be reasonable.

unless you're convinced the guy's actions were more field by alcohol than anything else - IOW the classic nice guy + too much alcohol = terrible lapse in judgement

i really don't know what is appropriate.

Most wouldn't stab someone because they were mad while drunk. I feel he had a lot of anger problems that he took out on me

Wow, what the fuck. What a piece of shit.

Did the friend exhibit any sign of being the violent insane stabber type before that day?

Nope, no signs whatsoever

Wow, what a terrible and senseless thing to do to another human being. I understand you have a restraining order against him and rightly so. Out of curiosity I ask the following question; if he were to come to you an apologize in a sincere way, would you accept his apology?

I wouldn't even give him a chance to speak..

Good, he does not deserve that opportunity or satisfaction. Thank you for answering my question. I wish you the best of luck!

No problem! And thank you!

Do you think there were any silver linings in this dark cloud?

I got a free xbox 360 ahahaha, he left it at my house, along with his birth certificate, social security card (my dad ended up shredding them lol)

But yea, I was happy about that

Why was his birth certificate at your place? Wasn't he just a friend of yours?

Yes he was, he was staying at my house till he moved into his own place. He had all of his stuff there

How afraid are you now to go outside? I mean you were probably in shock for a lot of time, its not easy to recover from that and regain confidence to be in a normal position again.

ty! and sorry if i made some mistakes, english is not my primary language.

For the first 2 weeks, it was really difficult for me to not feel self conscious when strangers stared at me.

I still had very fresh marks on my face, kids would stare and ask their parents what was wrong with my face.

I actually had a little girl ask me that an her mother apologized, I said it was ok, told the little girl I tripped and fell, so watch out where you walk.

Its gotten easier over time

Was thoughts went through your mind as the splinter of the bottle shattered you face? Did you feel any pain? Did u see some white light? Did you think you would die? What was the last thought?

I honestly did not feel any sharp pain. The adrenaline was pumping through my body, and it felt like he was just punching me. The only reason I knew I was stabbed was when I stood up and felt the blood drain my face and my lip severed. The pain waiting for the ambulance was the worst. My face was throbbing, it was stinging, and cold.

I did not see a white light, and when I was waiting for the ambulance, I was very afraid I was going to bleed out and die.

Did your boyfriend warn you that your friend was only looking to get into your pants, and you thought he was stupid and being jealous and didn't believe him?

No, he didn't tell me his feelings until that night

Why didn't you call the police? Like at the point he was drunk in the backyard?

If that happened to my girlfriend he'd disappear.

He took my phone from me, he thought I was going to call my boyfriend

Hope that guy gets hit by something very hard. Proof that most boys who say friendzone are just self absorbed assholes.

Any who, has this inspired you to take self defense classes?

Not really, I just mentally prepare myself in my surroundings. I try to avoid getting myself in those kinds of situations.I try not to be alone with one person too long, unless family of course.

Everyone here asking all the dumb questions and obvious questions

I want to know,

why did your ex-boyfriend leave you ?

Why did you refuse your friend ?

I left my ex boyfriend, because he would make fun of me, send me pictures of me in the hospital, all sorts of crude things. All because he said he wants me to remember how screwed up I look.

I refused my friend merely because I didn't look at him in THAT way at all. But I was very sincere in telling him.

THAT way meaning, not physically attracted to him ?

More of a romantic aspect

was currently

wot.

I thought the boyfriend stabbed you, lol you really didn't describe in that other thread. You need to have proof also, put up a photo of the scars maybe?

Anyway, onto my question, why do you think he stopped stabbing you after the seventh time?

Well I still don't have an actual answer for that, just theories. Maybe he realized what the fuck he just did, or he didn't want to kill me just yet.

But I do know that he got up and I ran. He tried to run after me but couldn't keep up. He called the cops, said we were mugged, and stabbed himself in the temple. He almost died, but of course, they saved him :/

You need to put a link for proof on your post.

I sent them confidential proof