As the title suggests... I'm a completely unknown author. Here to chat about whatevs. Ask me anything you want and I'll give you a 100% honest answer.

You can check out my latest story ANIMAL FRIENDS: FLOATING ORANGE CUBES here -


Comments: 2789 • Responses: 147  • Date: 

Corn-On-The-Rob2504 karma

my name is rob also. upvoted.

EDIT holy shit. almost 2,000 upvotes for stating my name? damn.

aMANescape1901 karma

Your username... I... we need to be friends.

Corn-On-The-Rob1550 karma

you're probably in your 30's. Im only 16. whispers"we'll make this work""

aMANescape1209 karma


RobertPaulsen39794 karma

There's no way he gets that reference.

aMANescape977 karma

corn on the rob knows all

RobertPaulsen39411 karma

He's gonna need to learn some Moore.

aMANescape397 karma

More more moore

tossinthisshit1276 karma

in the midnight hour

aMANescape303 karma

I can feeel your power

crab_people94 karma

How do you like it?

aMANescape133 karma

How do you like it?

rsinghx1532 karma

I just wanted to say that I purchased the kindle edition and the people at work tomorrow are going to get a dramatic reading from it.

aMANescape1220 karma

holy shit! thanks. hey can... can you make a video of that happening? That would be maaad!

rsinghx766 karma

Yeah I should be able to do that for you. Ill send you a youtube link of it when i get it done.

aMANescape680 karma

This is fucking excellent :) I can't wait!!!

rsinghx265 karma

And just so that there is a question in this, in april I'm going to Australia (Melbourne and then Sydney) for 3 weeks, what the fuck should I do there since I haven't been in 12 years.

aMANescape440 karma

Sydney... Red Oak Boutique Beer Cafe is cool... PLUS the aquarium. fuckn love aquariums... you can snorkel places too... look me up. I'll take you...

Laforets330 karma

You are super friendly! I cant work out if it's creepy or not.

aMANescape632 karma

Defs creepy. Brb. Browsing your submitted history :P

Laforets183 karma

:) You're gonna be sorely disappointed.

aMANescape312 karma

No no. wana be friends and stuff? :)

Gengar0129 karma

Can.... Can you take my girlfriend and me to the aquarium?

Shes been wanting to go for ages but Im too much of a disorganised anus.

aMANescape193 karma

You may think I am joking here, but I will 100% do this. we talkin Syd?

mikebarrry141 karma

"Maaaaaaad" is this a common saying between Aussies? I only ask because I have seen way to many MightyCarMods videos...

aMANescape107 karma

I think it is. I only know a handful of Aussies... Also, what is MightyCarMods? car show?

ComradeStrange1169 karma

What in the world is going on in this thread? It's like everyone popped a ton of molly before hand.

aMANescape560 karma

What does 'ton of molly' mean? :)

ComradeStrange399 karma

Like a bunch of X.

aMANescape622 karma

brb. googling 'bunch of X'

ComradeStrange721 karma

As in copious amounts of MDMA.

poseselt126 karma

This is a happy place.

aMANescape412 karma

and also, this is

neckbones952 karma

Amazon says your book is in stock but requires one or day extra days to process. Are you drawing each one as it is ordered? Jk, it must be a lot of work to get to this point and I applaud you!

aMANescape1251 karma

Hehe, nah I don't draw any of it. Some company in Melbourne is managing it. I don't know... But I will say, all artwork was done by the kids at St Dominic's school for hearing impaired kids... some cool art

Defenseofthefaggots3164 karma

That's pretty fucked up you're taking advantage of retarded kids to draw your books in some weird Dominican labor factory.

aMANescape1368 karma

well, I am a bastard :/

folkdeath95563 karma

You are Jon Snow?

aMANescape936 karma

I wish I was that handsome motherfucker... sadly no... I'm rob

TastyWagyu685 karma

I wouldn't attend any weddings...

Edit: seriously people? Spoiler complaints? The book has been out for 14 years and the series has covered the event now. Get over it.

Edit#2: For the record you would have needed prior knowledge for my innocuous comment to spoil anything.

aMANescape434 karma

I know. I try.

Farisr9k391 karma

The floating orange cubes send their regards.

aMANescape237 karma

Haha :) I don't know why, but this made me piss myself laughing :D

folkdeath95169 karma

Well I mean that's still cool. You seem like a pretty nice guy judging from this AMA.

I wonder if we get enough people summoning /u/Here_Comes_The_King Snoop would rap your book for us?

Do it Snoop! Do it for the people!

aMANescape511 karma

/u/Here_Comes_The_King you have my blessings 100% to rap any of my stories ANYTIME... Here's one I made that rhymes if that helps

Little Baby Noah

Written by Rob Towner. For Noah, Christian & Dani.

What does little Noah dream about when he falls to sleep at night? Does he dream of little baby fish, trying to snatch a bite?

And about those little fishies that are swimming in the sea, do they dream of what it would be like to live on land with you and me?

Does the land even know that we exist? Can it feel us in its hand? Do mountains that have stood forever miss their old dinosaur friends?

When these mountains fall and crumble, what noises do they make? Do they scream ‘Aaaaarrrrghhh help I’m falling!’ or do they simply laugh and shake?

And when the mountains which turns to boulders which turns to rocks which turns sand, finally end up at the beach do they go surfing and get a tan?

Does the sand on the beach get ticklish when it squishes between our toes? Would it rather be living in a desert, where hardly anybody goes?

When a fire burns out its last little spark, does it actually say ‘Goodbye’? Does the smoke coming out of the chimney, become friends with the clouds in the sky?

Does the moon in the sky wear pyjamas when it goes to sleep at night? Or does it stay awake watching little baby fish trying to take a bite?

Or does the moon do something else, without even making a peep? Indeed he does, he watches over Christian and Dani, rocking little Noah to sleep.

thenavezgane136 karma

This is really good. Like Little Golden Books good.

aMANescape102 karma

That's fucking good!

Throwitoutnao3 karma

Nobody said Dominican.

aMANescape9 karma

I didn't... did anyone else? :o

BrawnWithBrain833 karma

Your book has only sold 6 copies and it has got 3 reviews on Amazon.

Are the reviewers on Amazon your friends or your family who just bought the book to show their support ?

aMANescape1400 karma

They are. So really... I should say... ZERO copies sold to people I don't know...

FishInhaleTheirPee1121 karma

and two of those people seem to want to sell it, there are two "used, like new" listings.

shame on you robs friends

aMANescape770 karma

yeh, fuck them :) actually might even be the distributor just trying to get rid of copies... like a $2 bin of books...

ders89775 karma

Just letting you know.. Assuming NO ONE else has purchased your book... You have now sold one to someone you don't know. My copy should arrive on the 27th :)

aMANescape744 karma

Holy fucking shit thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who are you? I want to know you!

ders89486 karma

Just a guy on the internet from the great city of Chicago in the United States. :)

aMANescape849 karma


ders89298 karma

Proof of purchase :p

I don't have the balls to be batman. But I'll happily read your book :)

aMANescape450 karma

woah fuck me. that is nuts...

quenishi65 karma

It's probably bots. Especially with the price just a bit higher, they probably just order the books on-demand if someone buys it.

aMANescape62 karma

That would be more likely yes...

aMANescape777 karma

side note: if anyone would like to play me in chess, I use CHESS TIME PRO app on Android (it's pretty cool) and my username is robtowner. Look me up. Lets do it! :D

FriendOfTheGophers1566 karma

Oh I get it. This is all a setup to publicize the chess app.

Nice try, "unsuccessful author", but you're gonna hafta get up PRIT-TY EARLY in the afternoon to fool ME

aMANescape685 karma

haha. there's a free version... I just like playing chess is all... also, I have no friends..

Vladimir_Poonani597 karma

Cheer up! Even hitler had friends.

aMANescape627 karma

Fuckn hitler

Niklasedg452 karma

brb, fucking hitler

aMANescape170 karma

aren't we all?

jakesalive163 karma

Hi my name's Jake. I'm canadian and I'm your new friend.

Want to watch the swedes get their asses whooped at hockey in a few hours?

aMANescape177 karma

I am definitely staying up to watch this! Fuck yeh! GO CANADA EY!

jakesalive101 karma

YES!!! This is the best. Converted another one! We can IM during the game if you'd like

aMANescape85 karma

ok. lock me in. what time exactly??

HungryLikeThaWolf54 karma

Well, I don't play chess (im awful) but since you seem desperate we can snapshot I guess.

aMANescape57 karma

what is this 'snapshot' you speak of?

Dylan_197121 karma

His snapchat knockoff. Trying to get publicity.

aMANescape43 karma

NitchZ550 karma

Give me your best sales pitch on why I should buy this book. Also, you seem like an awesome person. Even though it's pretty small, this is one of the more enjoyable AMAs I've read.

aMANescape836 karma

If you buy this book (And this applies to anyone who buys a physical copy of this book and sends me picture proof of this happening), I will make a personal thank you video from me to you and post it on YouTube... You don't have to buy this book. But I will say this... This book is my Magna Carta... I poured my soul in to making this story happen and it sucked EVERYTHING out of me... Every word, premise, and idea was carefully though out and expresses everything in who I am as a person... I am a weird, complex person... but yet, I am a simple person too... I BELIEVE... This book expresses ME as a person...

NitchZ459 karma

You just got yourself another sale.

aMANescape321 karma

Woah shit. Thanks man. Thank you from the absolute depths of my soul!

NitchZ138 karma

You're welcome! Wish you all the best!

aMANescape175 karma

You too man. I am in your debt if you ever need anything.

charlie14572 karma

Just wanted to say you seem like a pretty awesome person, make sure you make a post with links to all the Youtube videos people make!

aMANescape85 karma

Shit that would be rad if people actually do make videos! :D

LithiumEnergy547 karma

This is the most humble AMA I've ever read. Reddit, your respect for this man has made my day.

aMANescape314 karma

/u/lithiumenergy. your words are both gracious and gentlemanly. you honour me. I shall one day like to be toasting a frosty beverage with you.

XInateIX470 karma

One of the greatest AMAs I've read through. You're an awesome dude! I will pick up a copy of your book once I get paid. You can count on it.

aMANescape293 karma

Wow. shit. thank you very much :) Where are you in the world?

ImDotTK446 karma

With all this success, do you find your life changing.

Like are you able to order McDoubles at McDonalds now instead of just a normal burger?

aMANescape450 karma

haha. iv moved up in the world. I only go to McCafe now...

Officer_shagnasty343 karma

After the AMA, how many have you sold?

aMANescape585 karma

I will let you know... someone just told me they grabbed a kindle version, so... pretty stoked about that...

Officer_shagnasty365 karma

Fastest reply ever. So 7 sold?

aMANescape521 karma

1 to a stranger :D

aMANescape189 karma

HAHA! :) really properly laughing right now

whativebeenhiding143 karma

Wait until you do the math and figure out your hourly rate...

aMANescape237 karma

Oh God Why

Officer_shagnasty99 karma

So what do you plan on doing with the money?

aMANescape244 karma

giving it all away... ps. I don't do this for money... and am still epicly in the red for my troubles :)

Officer_shagnasty115 karma

Why did you do it then? I mean, publish the book and all.

aMANescape759 karma

I like telling stories is all...

KingKuranes311 karma

Favourite kind of cheese?

aMANescape486 karma

Blue cheese. Cheese and mould just go together so beautifully... I also love cheese cake.

KingKuranes511 karma

First time in my life that someone has replied to my comment on an AMA

Iama914134 karma

Well you're not that unnoticed. You did an AMA a year ago and that got a lot of interest.

aMANescape156 karma

Yeh. You'd think that :/

Iama91478 karma

What? Our great big are Reddit family didn't support you?

aMANescape144 karma

oh no. you guys did. you guys did indeed! what I mean is... take a sample of say 10,000 people in Australia... one question: Do you know this guy? results: no one...

KingKuranes4 karma


aMANescape8 karma

comment inception

DisgruntledPersian99 karma

But Rob, isn't cheese a mold in itself?

aMANescape230 karma

GonzoTron-12 karma

hmm.. its called mold, not mould. also cheese cake is made with cream cheese, which really isn't a cheese at all. you might want to do a little more research for your next book or cheeses. this advice is coming from a chef with a drunk 5th graders vocabulary.

GonzoTron-6 karma

i get it, its all a joke. this 5th grader is getting back to drinking cheers!

aMANescape6 karma

Have you tried smoking cigarettes? :D they're awesome

GonzoTron1 karma

the cool kids in the ally have some. ill ask them.

aMANescape1 karma

they sound cool

aMANescape174 karma

Thank you Shartina. Where are you from? Could I interest you in a game of chess? (chess time multiplayer app on android... my username: robtowner)

Shartina_Oduriss87 karma

I'm from Winnipeg, Canada, but have lived near San Francisco since 1994. Sorry, I'm not a chess player. Or an online player of anything at all.

How would I be able to order an autographed copy of your new book? :D

aMANescape108 karma

PM your deets. I'll get you one if you video yourself reading it and jumping for joy :D Who did you go for in the Canada V USA hockey game in the Winter Olympics????????????????

Shartina_Oduriss68 karma

Canada all the way!!! My oldest son is going to tape tomorrows game, because it's happening at 4 a.m. here. I'm going to head over to his place at 10 and we'll watch it together, fast forwarding through the intermissions. Go Canada go!!!

aMANescape105 karma

hehe, I would fervently support your plight... but since I am Australian...

quantiplex82 karma

Support the Commonwealth!

aMANescape68 karma

I will do this

Gormweiss266 karma

Do you like trains?

aMANescape730 karma

I love trains... when I travel on them, I pretend I am travelling to Hogwarts

TJA0912235 karma

Bro, on.

aMANescape167 karma

Challenge accepted :)

loserforlife212 karma

Alright, no getting out of this one, you have to marry a male celebrity (not necessarily have to consummate the marriage, your decision). You must stay in this marriage for 5 years, after which you receive 10 million dollars. You can not decide not to do this or choose death; neither is an option. Which male celebrity would you have a bromance? How would you spend the money? Would you remain friends after the divorce or cry in the shower where people can't hear you?

aMANescape455 karma

easy. Leonardo DiCaprio. I would do that anyway. Dudes a legend. 10/10 would consumate... Afterwards, I divide the money up between my family members and go to fiji...

surelythisisfree153 karma

Titanic Leo, or Wolf of Wall street Leo? You said your safe word is Wolfy. Might get messy.

aMANescape136 karma

Either would be acceptable

GrandmaTaco186 karma

Oh. My. God. I would just like to say that you are my favourite author. JK Rowling is a piss-stain compared to your level of literature. Is there any way you could share your secret? Or could I at least get a copy of your bestseller signed? THANK YOU!

aMANescape192 karma

I don't even care that you're joking... That made me feel all types of nawws. Thank you /u/GrandmaTaco. You have made me smile :) I will share my secret with you... And that secret is... Tear shit up.

GrandmaTaco93 karma

I actually only just read the Amazon link. Is it true that it is illustrated by hearing-impared children? If so, keep up the awesome work!

aMANescape162 karma

It is indeed. Was so much fun getting the kids involved. There are some scenes that I needed illustrated that had animals pooing on other animals... the kids really dug drawing those ones :) lesson: kids love poo in stories

GrandmaTaco35 karma

That is Fucking awesome. You said I put a smile on your face, now you have put one on mine.

aMANescape62 karma

The way humanity should be

blackcaaaat166 karma


Ravuno161 karma

I almost need this in my collection.

aMANescape208 karma

Almost counts right? :)

Ravuno141 karma

Most def does, how much would you charge for a signed copy sent all the way to Norway?

aMANescape394 karma

PM me your address. If you make a YouTube video of you reading it, pretending to be all excited and shit, you can have it for free :)

Ravuno321 karma

No really, I'll fucking do it.

Obviously you'll have to sign it to your very best friend, since we're best friends now, right?

I'll add you to my friends list on reddit, so yes - we are.

Also, gold.

aMANescape315 karma

I will sign it...

"To my fucking amazingest best friend in the universe."

Wait, GOLD?


Ravuno223 karma


Next time you're in Norway a beer is on me.

You'll thank me when you realize how expensive beer is up here.

aMANescape139 karma

You know what... I might even be there in a few months to take you up on that :)

Ravuno116 karma

Do it, will be amazeballs!

aMANescape177 karma

10/10 happening

wannagooutside157 karma

What's your book about?

aMANescape388 karma

These birds attack a village of Cicadas (For no reason... just being the dicks that they are) and then, the Cicadas travel through a television screen somehow, and come out the other side falling from the sky and shit all over said birds... There's a bit of a struggle for territory scenario happening for while, indicative of what many cultures have experienced through history... Then there is peace... or is there?? read to find out :D

Fluffy017227 karma


You're welcome! :D

aMANescape188 karma

haha. fuckn birds. thank you for this. I will now become a subscriber and enjoy hours of laughs thanks to you /r/Fluffy017

shall_2160 karma

You just linked to the subreddit Fluffy017 NOT to the user. You damn fool, Rob.

aMANescape221 karma

fuck. I am such a dickhead :/

MozartTheCat22 karma

Like, literally shit on them? How do you translate this to childrens book?

aMANescape22 karma

through the magic of words :D I don't know... that was just the tl;dr of the book...

tossinthisshit1120 karma

marry fuck kill. go.

justin bieber, chris brown, mel gibson

aMANescape350 karma

marry mel gibson (I love his movies)... fuck justin bieber (Mel's guna be so mad)... kill chris brown (so he doesn't beat me to death first)

tossinthisshit197 karma

interesting choice. do you fear mel gibson would be an abusive lover? and would justin be gentle or rough?

aMANescape294 karma

Any man with the name Mel would be a gentle lover... Justin... he won't get a say in the level of roughness...

Beohh177 karma


aMANescape302 karma

Don't hate the player hate the game :p

iero_is_my_hero116 karma

I don't have a question, I'd just like to say that the description of your book was adorable. It made my day 100 times better.

aMANescape147 karma

Thank you kind sir... Can I ask you a question? What food (that many people NEVER puree), should everyone puree?

iero_is_my_hero99 karma

Pizza. Definitely pizza.

aMANescape93 karma

with which topping may I ask? (this is very important)

anchilidas104 karma

What is your favourite movie of all time?

aMANescape275 karma

This is an easy one. THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION. Favourite scene probs when Andy Dufresne listens to the music with the doors locked, not giving ANY fucks... What about you man? Wait... your username... are we pals already???

anchilidas54 karma

That depends on where you know the username from and sure why not!

I love Shawshank, an amazing movie and that's my favourite scene from it too!

Mine is Star Wars: A new hope. Loved it since I was a kid and hasn't changed since!

aMANescape76 karma

second favourite scene...

Man feels more like a man, working out-doors drinking a bottle of suds.

CrazyKookies104 karma

Just wanted to say hi to a Fellow Australian. Hi!

aMANescape89 karma

hey, what's doooing? u in NSW? we should bust one :D

mboesiger221 karma

Im Australian and I am in NSW, and it is my cakeday today but because reddit is american its behind in time and I dont see a cake icon next to my name yet.

EDIT: Never mind the cake has arrived

aMANescape127 karma

I SEE IT I SEE IT! HAPPY CAKE DAY FRIEND! Where in NSW. I'm here too man. We should have a beverage of some sorts

mboesiger86 karma

Wagga Wagga so far from any city lol

aMANescape88 karma

I'm in Newcastle. ROAD TRIP! :D

ShitsPantsForKarma84 karma

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

aMANescape123 karma

as much wood as a woodchuck could

TH3_GR3G75 karma

If a woodchuck could chuck wood?

aMANescape98 karma


reposttothemax84 karma

What is your safe word?

aMANescape171 karma


mikejakballa66 karma

I remember hearing a radio production jingle about this. Amazing the shit that I can remember...

aMANescape75 karma

Hehe, shit indeed :) It's on my youtube channel if you wana see it :D

actualporcupine60 karma

Do you have a day job? What is it? Also, tell us your best non-generic joke.

aMANescape213 karma

Yeh. I work in digital marketing... 9 to 5 type deal... ends up usually being 8 to 6 or 7 :/ How do you catch a rabbit? lay real low in the grass and make noises like a carrot... gets me everytime... even when I was just writing it right now :)

lonelynightingale49 karma

What is it that makes Australia such an awesome country?

aMANescape133 karma

I love this country because: Health care is pretty sweet, there are no major wars going on, the sports are great, you can go surfing in almost every town, and basically everyone is someone I'd like to have a beer with. You should come say gday :)

M4rmelada36 karma

Favorite kind of jam?

Tatsko35 karma

I know that there's nearly zero chance of you seeing this comment, but you seem like the nicest guy ever. I really wish the best for you and your writing, the world needs more people like you...have a nice day!

aMANescape29 karma

saw it. thank you. that is way too kind. I would indeed respond with this /u/Tatsko... THE WORLD NEEDS MORE PEOPLE LIKE YOU!

CanITouchYourTouchie13 karma

Got any cool plans this upcoming week?

aMANescape26 karma

Guna be working mainly. But huge week this week. Huge week. First episode of the new season of Survivor is happening. I fucking love that shit. So, there's that... How about you /u/canitouchyourtouchie?? where do you live and such? what do you do?

jaredmatterfis12 karma

What is your top three videogames

aMANescape18 karma

ok. the ones I have spent the most time playing in order of longest to shortest (they also happen to be my favourite)...

  1. Mario Kart 64 (64)

  2. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (3DS)

  3. Golden Eye (64)

Coming in close 4th... The new Zelda game... A Link Between Worlds...

Coming in close 5th The Futurama game on PS2...

How about you???

jacqui_3 karma

Sup rob? What are you thinking about? If I don't get an answer I'm gonna be so mad

aMANescape4 karma

I'm on the couch with my laptop... Survivor: Gabon rerun on the tv... I'm thinking about the tacos I had for dinner. lishuss. What are YOU thinking about /u/jacqui_ ??

Dr_Wankstaff2 karma

Any other upcoming book ideas? Who is your favorite band?

aMANescape3 karma

The next book is going to be about an invisible Oyster from outer space who solves peoples problems by squeezing various items out of his eye..

My favourite band in the entire fucking world is HE IS LEGEND. They have a new song out. You should check it out!!!

takumidesh2 karma

Hi rob! Do you know about cryptocurrencies like bitcoin or dogecoin? Would you consider accepting dogecoin for your books?

aMANescape2 karma

I accept Bitcoins on my website :) google 'Kids Author' to find me... there's 2 books in my Bitcoin Only book store :)

ErinDidNothingWrong2 karma

Hi rob. Just wondering why your name isn't capitalised?

aMANescape2 karma

I consider myself a sub-human... not as important as other rob's. you dig? :)

cyanwolfhound2 karma

My name is Rob too!

well acutally its robert

aMANescape2 karma

that fucken counts man! [place fist here]

sweaterweathers2 karma

yo can i get a free copy

aMANescape6 karma

PM me your address. I'll buy you one if you post a video of you reading it to YouTube. And in the video you need to act all excited and shit. Deal?