IamA girl who was born without a left hand. AMA!

How did you take this picture of your missing left hand and intact right hand?

Gosh, I knew this would come up. If I had more cameras I would certainly deliver but I'll just have to boringly explain that I put a timer on my camera and tucked it between my shoulder and chin.

http://i.imgur.com/aV3HtBO.png

Well now I'll look into it

My son, two years old, has this condition as well. His left arm ends just below the elbow.

Do you have any advice on how I can help him work around his missing hand?

Are there any tricks that you had to figure out on your own in order to do day-to-day tasks?

Did you ever have a hard time coping emotionally with your condition, and if so, was there anything your parents or friends did to help you accept it? If not, do you recall anything they said or did that helped you to feel good about yourself and/or helped keep you from feeling bad about it in the first place?

I would suggest tat once he starts doing his own thing, let him do stuff without your help unless he needs it. Don't jump in right away.

I remember when I was learning to tie my shoes my dad showed me how to tie them normally as if I had two hands. I developed my own way of tying my shoes because I saw the main method of how it's done and switched it up a bit. So when you show him how to do things do it regularly and he will develop his own way.

When I was younger I thought no one could love me because of my condition but obviously that was wrong. To be honest I went through this struggle on my own but I had friends who genuinely loved me that prevented me from killing myself. Tell your son you love him everyday and tell him he can be anything he wants to be if he works hard. My dad always told me that and it's true.

Treat your son normally because he is normal. There is nothing wrong with him. He is just different. :)

Good luck and PM me if you have any questions.

Fellow disabled here. From an emotional aspect, try and get him involved with other kids who have disabilities but don't isolate him from everyone else. I think the connection I had to the disabled community while still being involved in the 'regular' steam helped me growing up. I didn't feel like I was alone, and though in my school I was usually the worst at everything physical, I had another world where I was good at stuff and had it pretty good compared to others. The other advantage I think there was that I was able to be the nice cool kid in those situations, so those kids who are less physically capable had some kids just trading them like normal. I knew kids who were isolated from one of the other, and sometimes are either really naive (omg, so naive) or really down on themselves and don't like acknowledging their disability as a not bad thing.

This actually, his disability is not a bad thing. It will give him a unique perspective on the world. He will face different problems, but so many people have problems we don't know about. His happens to be visible. Which yes, it's going to suck sometimes, but with the right people around him he will not want to be any different, because it will be okay of who he is and he will like the person he is.

Encourage him to figure out new ways of doing things and tell him how he'll be a fantastic problem solver when he's older because he will be practiced at it. I don't think able bodied people think of this when they think of people with disabilities. If it works it works, who cares if it's pretty at first, he can refine his technique as he grows (:

just wanted to say I agree with you :)

How many people ask you if you need a hand without noticing your left hand is missing then feel bad about it?

Hahaha! This has happened a few times and they usually just get red in the face and keep apologizing for like ten minutes. I'm a sensitive person but I actually find when this happens kinda funny. I've learned to take jokes.

What is it like doing things that require 2 hands? Have you been given certain commodities to aid you in dojng something that reqiluires 2 hands?

It's not impossible to do things that require two hands. For example, I play video games using a regular controller with no problem. I just adapt and find different ways of getting the job done.

In school I would be offered accommodations such as more time on tests or special tools like a mini keyboard for typing but I never used them. I was also given a prosthetic when I was younger but it just got in my way so I never used it.

If you were playing an FPS with default controls, how would you walk forward and look down the sights at the same time?

If you play Black Ops II I use the Charlie controls. It's easier to look down the sights but before that I would just have to stop and aim down the sights. I also got pretty good at hip firing. I'm a shotgun kinda person.

|I'm a shotgun kinda person.

Oh, you mean the badass kinda person?

EDIT: formatting is difficult.

Hell yeah! :p I like blasting people close range. I once killed 4 people with one shot gun shell. It was awesome. They just lined up so perfectly.

KSG or Remington?

I can use both really well but I personally like the Remington best. I got my shotguns diamond. :)

The only things I've got diamond are launchers and specials. I suck at call off duty :( Xbox or PlayStation?

xbox!

So do you never use a prosthetic or are there any certain things where you use it just to accomplish the task?

Nope. I never use a prosthetic. It gets in the way and actually makes stuff harder for me to do.

Has driving been a challenge? (Providing you are of age)

Nope. I actually got my licence a month ago. :) I thought it might be one of those things I couldn't safely do without a left hand but with a lot of practice I realized it's not so hard.

Are you living in a country where it's standard to drive cars with automatic gear / do you have a drivers license exclusively for automatic cars?

How would you go about driving a car with manual gears?

I live in the US so yeah I drive automatic but I would like to eventually try to drive stick. I've never tried it before so I'm not sure if I could pull it off.

If you ever want to ride a motorcycle i bet you could use a suicide clutch(Tank Shift style)

That would be awesome. I thought you needed 2 hands for motorcycles?

You don't really need a hand to drive manual, as long as you can push and pull you'd be alright.

But you have to let go of the wheel, which atleast in my country is not allowed at any time when the engine is running.

Nope, I never let go of the wheel.

What is your favorite movie?

Also nice socks.

I have a lot of favorites like Titanic, Man on Fire, and Men of Honor. Those are probably my top three.

Thanks!

Has any guy (or girl) asked you to.... you know...stick it somewhere inappropriate?

I've had a few uhh... weird hand job requests.

I went to uni with a girl with only one hand. We played on the judo team together, and considering she was a beginner and had a disadvantage, she did really, really well. I often struggled to beat her! She was the first person I met with such a disability, and I'm so glad I met her. She was fun and bubbly, and I learned a lot from her. She had a real sweet tooth, and once on a judo trip, she brought a jar of nutella for breakfast, but no spoon... So she just dipped her stump in and licked it off. She thought it was hilarious, and I couldn't help but think she looked like winney the pooh xd it was pretty cute. Some of the others looked a bit uncomfortable tho, n didn't know how to react. Have you ever done something like that to weird people out?

Hahaha! She sounds so awesome and cute! :) Yeah I love peanut butter and just dunk my stump (that sounds weird) in there and lick it off but not in front of anyone. I might have to do that now to see people's reactions.

How have your parents treated the disability? (My apologies if that terms is offensive, I'm not sure). Thanks for doing this!

It's not offensive. :) They treat me no differently but when my mom talks about it she cries. She just feels responsible because early on in the pregnancy she could tell something was wrong but let those feelings go because the doctors said I was fine.

My parents are proud of me though because I don't let my disability get in the way of anything and I'm very independent.

Just tell her you'll have a kickass robot hand in 10 years time. (rich) people with poor function in their hands are already electively having them removed to replace them with bionic hands. It won't be long til people with functional hands are doing this to get superior bionic hands.

Then I can be Cyborg from Teen Titans!

That's really difficult, I think every woman who has been pregnant feels like something is wrong at least once during the pregnancy. But things go well and the thought goes away. It must be hard for her blaming herself for a feeling that all women get.

Edit: not to downplay your feelings or life. Sorry.

No,no it's fine. I think my mom is letting it go with time. It didn't impact my life too much. I hope she realizes that.

Even if your mom had been more persistent about her concerns, would the doctors have been able to do anything?

I think if they would've caught it early they could've gone in there to unravel my arm from the umbilical chord somehow but I guess we'll never know.

Serious question: how often do you get jokes (e.g. can I give you a hand)? Are people constantly making the same ones? Do you make jokes about it?

People usually don't joke about it and are nice about it but I have heard jokes from close friends who I don't mind joking with them about it. All of the jokes got pretty old though. I used to make jokes a lot to hide how I really felt. I remember wishing I was normal like everyone else but I've grown up and realized everyone is different and I am normal. Just different. So yeah, sometimes I will crack a joke but it's because I'm genuinely making light of the situation and not hiding my tears behind laughter.

My sisters fiance was Born with only one hand, when I first met him I wasn't sure which hand it was and just proceeded to put my right hand out to shake with, in which case he just put out his stump (sorry its the only work I can find to use) so I just shook his his stump. We've got along ever since. Do you ever do anything Like this to see peoples reactions?

He sounds very cool and confident. :) No, I don't really just put it out there. Sometimes with people I'm comfortable with I'll wave goodbye with my left since I can still move my wrist. My SO finds it cute. :p

Have you ever used this to your advantage and fucked with people? Like on halloweens and stuff? Any funny stories?

Of course! On Halloween a few years ago I covered it with blood and bandages. I was a zombie ninja so I put my arms in front of me like a zombie and scared some kids. That's the one day out of the year I feel the most comfortable exposing my arm.

What is the most challenging thing about being one hand short?

Cutting steak. I learned to do pretty much every basic thing but I still haven't figured out how to do this on my own.

• Stab the steak with your fork so it is vertical.
  
• Place nub on top of fork
• Use right hand to wield the knife.

At least that is my method, what with not having a right hand.

** Edit - here is a picture! http://i.imgur.com/7l8p48S.jpg

I cannot imagine the awkwardness of the pair of you trying to shake hands.

I would love to play patty cake or something with someone with my condition :)

Canada? We can make this happen!

California. D:

Shit.

Someday

Hmm... so you apply a lot of pressure on the fork to keep the steak in place? I'll have to try this next time.

Yeah - I put downward pressure on the fork. If that doesn't work, then I'll pin the fork between my nub and my chest...it looks stupid but it works.

edit Here! http://i.imgur.com/7l8p48S.jpg

Hey, as long as it works! Thanks, I will try this next time and I will finally be 100% independent ha :)

Pick it up and eat it like a meat cookie.

I have done that but that's "not lady like" so if it's in public someone cuts it for me. Otherwise, fuck it. Meat cookie.

Are you fortunate enough to be right handed?

I think I was suppose to be a lefty because I'm left footed and my handwriting is shit. Also when I play baseball I feel more comfortable hitting the ball as if I was a lefty. But who knows, maybe I just have shit handwriting. :p

Do you have a prosthetic? How well does it work?

Do you ever get phantom pains?

Also, ignore those morons who think they're funny at the bottom.

No I've never used a prosthetic but I do experience phantom pains. It hurts pretty bad but doesn't happen often.

This may just be me being stupid, but how come you get phantom pains even though the hand was never there?

That I don't know. I wonder that myself too.

I am missing my right hand - I know how I deal with the curiosity of children - how do you?

I just let them ask questions an answer honestly. I let them see it and touch it and I wiggle it. They either laugh and think it's cool or get scared. How do you deal with kids?

It can go a few ways....if I see a kid shyly looking, I'll approach them if the setting is right (bbq or gathering or something). If it is in public, and I see a kid staring/shyly looking - I'll usually wave. If the kid approaches me, and asks - I explain to them what happened and how I am not any different than they are - usually using different hair color as an example.

I really hate it when a parent scolds their kid for being inquisitive and curious.

I agree. Nothing wrong with being curious.

This might be a very silly question. But do you have balance issues due to the lack of your left hand? If so, how do you deal with it?

I never really thought about this but now that you mention it I do have bad balance.

Hello I have the same series of events happen to me except i do not have a right hand. My question is did you hate monkey bars as a kid as much as i did

Yes but mostly because I was a fat kid and couldn't do monkey bars even if I had both hands anyways haha :p Monkey bars didn't appeal to me much.

http://www.typingtest.com/

What's your Words per Minute?

44 wpm. Is that good?

That's a little above average side for two handed people, so not bad!

And it's actually the same as mine, so take that as you may! I might need to rethink things on my own end though...

Haha :) thanks!

Does the lack of a hand affect your love life at all?

Nope. I've had girlfriends and boyfriends but my current SO is the most caring and understanding of any SO I've had.

So, have you... uh, put it in inside a girl?

No but now I'm curious

Obligatory follow up: have you put it inside a guy?

Not yet

How do you tie your shoes?

It's hard to explain but I press the shoelace between my nub and top of my foot when I'm tying my shoes to get the job done. Maybe I can make a video to show you if you'd like?

I've been on a crocheting tear lately, so... that's where this question comes from. Do you have gloves/mittens for it? Because there are some really cool crochet patterns that could easily be altered to be sort of like a sock/mitten hybrid to keep it warm without having, y'know, unnecessary floppy fingers. Or even, like, wrist-cuffs just to have something pretty and warm. Let me know if you're interested; I love sending projects to people.

Yes, I would love some gloves that dont feel awkward haha :) I didn't even know they made any like that. It would be so weird when I would go out in the snow and have floppy fingers. I usually take of the glove and deal with the cold.

how long does it take to adjust to things people with 2 hands do, like, type, use scissors, use an etch a sketch, do these things come with ingenuity or just naturally adjust?

I type faster than most of my friends so it's not a problem. I just adapted and learned to do these things differently. I can use scissors just fine. I hold the paper by pressing it against my little nub and the edge of a table or my chest and it works out just fine. Hmm... I remember using an etch a sketch but it was a long time ago. I would just apply pressure to the left knob kind of like how you open the containers for prescription pills and twist. I still have movement where my wrist is.

I'm sorry but "my little nub" just sounds absolutely adorable.

Thanks :3

[deleted]

I used to be very sensitive. I still kind of am but I care a lot less now. Probably because I have an SO who sees past this so it's given me hope that people really don't give a shit what I look like and like me for me.

Adults just kind of say "Oh, I didn't know that. Sorry." and switch subjects while kids are really curious and ask questions.

Hmm... Well when I first met my SO I had just told him about it and we were walking to school. I was on the street side of the sidewalk and we're holding hands. We were mostly likely going to be late so he says, "Babe, stick out your thumb so we can hitch hi- Oh, wait. No, I'm sorry. I forgot! Don't be mad at me please :("

Never heard of her but yeah she probably does think about it but doesn't give a fuck anymore. I'm still trying to be more open about it which is why I did this Iama.

Are there vestigial hand bones in there, or is it just a nub of muscle and flesh?

I have bones up until my wrist then it's flesh. I have a tiny nail that seems to be where my pinkie finger was forming. I can post a better picture if you want.

Do people offer you stump bumps instead of fist bumps. My apologies if this is offensive, it wasn't meant to be :).

Not offensive :) only my SO stump bumps with me. :p and high nubs with me.

How often do you find yourself hindered by your lack of a left hand? In other words, are there any activities that are really difficult or impossible because you have no left hand (like playing a guitar or drums, for instance)?

Yes. :( I love music and dreamed about playing guitar or piano but I know I can't do that. I played Guitar Hero and have a mini piano app on my phone so that's the best I can do but I still sometimes wish I could play all these instruments.

I picked up a love for art though so I really enjoy drawing and painting. It's okay I can't play instruments. I just really admire the people who do.

I'm pretty sure you can play the guitar! Check out April Lockhart on Youtube :)

http://www.youtube.com/user/aprillockhartmusic

That's amazing! I didn't know that was possible. I gotta find a pick like that :) This gives me some hope

OMGOSH! My son's best friend was born missing the same arm! We love telling people different reasons he's missing the arm (I had to stop them from making videos demonstrating it), do you do the same? * edit to mention both my son and his friend are 23 and we've been coming up with reasons for about 9 years.

Yeah I used to come up with insane stories like "A shark bit it off when I was swimming a few years ago." Or "I like to cook and one unfortunate day when I was chopping vegetables I cut too close."

Nothing about kidnapping and ransom?

That sounds brilliant! Never thought about a kidnapping scenario.

I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Weaving my handbasket as I type: If you are bisexual or lesbian, do you think it gives you an advantage?

I think it's kind of an advantage in all relationships. It weeds out the superficial people who are just looking for someone to bang and forces people to look beyond appearance.

Um, that wouldn't stop me from banging you at all, assuming I considered your face and body attractive.

Uh thanks :) lol

What is the best way you have pranked someone with the hand?

I used to work in an amusement park and I was operating a ride and a lady is scared and she's like "has anyone died on this ride?" and I whip it out and say "no but I lost a hand on it"

Can we get a selfie?

A normal selfie with or without the nub?

Either. Whatever picture you like!

I'll have to post after I come home from my classes since I'm on mobile but I will deliver! Edit: selfie!

You're very beautiful.

Aww thank you :)

So do you have a symbrachydactyly diagnosis, or do they consider this to be a traumatic deformity in utero, versus a congenital birth defect?

All I know is the reason why I came out like this is because early in the pregnancy the umbilical cord got tangled around my left arm and restricted blood flow so it didn't develop properly. I'm not sure of the term for it.

Do you know if any tendons or bones have formed in that area? Have you ever seen an x ray of it?

No bones in there. I've never had an x-ray done. I'm curious to see what it looks like.

I strongly believe you meant it when you said you feel you are just normal. But don't most people see you as a person with disability? How you face them? How you will divert their attention from it? Or do people just ignore your condition and treat you normal? Generally how are we? We the people?

Most people do act normally around me but will do little things like open a water bottle before handing (haha) it it me or offering to carry my stuff. I don't need help unless I ask for it but I appreciate the little stuff people do.

Have you ever felt a compulsion to draw reactions on your nub?

Also, Have you ever heard of Reaction_On_My_Nub?

That is so cool! I usually just draw a smiley face :P

I once dated a girl for 9 months and she didn't have a right hand, and she drove a stick shift Honda Civic. I still don't know how she drove. She was actually really good at it. No questions, just wanted to share the story!

This gives me hope in driving stick!

One of my oldest life-long (female) friends, who is my age, was also born sans-arm. She loves playing practical jokes with people (Pretending her arm has fallen off etc.) Do you ever do that kind of thing? She finds it hilarious, the people she pranks go into shock :D

I don't do it often but I do around Halloween. It's my favorite time of the year because I feel the most comfortable and feel like I have an advantage in costume contests :)

I have a friend with a similar hand, we are always on his ass if he does his girl with that hand. Have you tried using your left-hand as dildo, if so how was it?

Nope I never have just because I thought it might be weird. Maybe someday I'll try it out and let you know.

GOD DAMN IT REDDIT

Do you have a prosthetic?

Also, do you drive?

No prosthetic. They get in the way rather than help.

Yes, I got my license a month ago :)

Can you drive?

Yes. I got my licence a month ago. :) I did really well!

What has having only one hand given to you, a benefit, so to say? Thanks for doing this AMA!

It has been a benefit in finding people who really care about me. I haven't had a bunch of boyfriends of girlfriends or had a bunch of hook ups or one night stands but the people I've been with have genuinely cared about me and didn't care what I look like. I don't have to deal with a bunch of superficial people because they avoid me.

The doctors had no idea until I was born because it didn't show up on the ultrasounds.

Not sure if this is a joke or not...

I think I worded it weird lol :)

Have you ever MacGyver'd your own utensils or taped something to your wrist, a la Machine Girl?

I have made some stuff. I posted a comment somewhere describing my tool for buttoning my jeans.

Would you consider having a mechanical hand?

If it improved my life instead of getting in the way like all the prosthetics I've tried.

Does the end of your left arm feel pain?

Yes. Sometimes I do get pain in my left arm that is a pain i've never felt before in my right arm.

You should post this in /r/casualiama. We'd really enjoy it!

Definitely :)

How often do people ask you about the absence of a left hand? Do you mind when people ask you?

Pretty often when I meet new people but they usually just ask what happened and I just say "I was born that way." and leave it at that. I don't mind if people ask more questions though. I get a lot of "You play video games one handed? That's badass!"

How does it feel to never be incorrect?

Is it because I'm a woman?

You have a very beautiful right hand :)

Uhh thanks? :)

That's cool. Were you born with any sort of hand that was removed? Do you have any hand or wrist bones in what you do have, ever have any phantom hand sensations?

I was born exactly as you see. I do have wrist bones that I can use to move it. I get phantom pains occasionally.

Do you ever resort to using a foot for an extra hand, no pun intended.

Just when I'm lazy and don't want to bend down to pick up stuff. :P

What is your best and the worst experience you have had because you have one hand? Like the things little kids say or something.

Best: People wanted to be my friend and talk to me because they thought it was cute or cool. So I was popular in elementary school. Some kids have said mean things but most kids were nice to me.

Worst: A guy I was dating couldn't get past it and broke up with me.

My girlfriend was born without a left arm and leg. She fucking hates it when people say they are inspired by her and the fact that she is doing so well with the disablity. It makes her so mad. Do you feel the same way?

I don't get mad but I get confused. Like how am I an inspiration? I'm just doing my thing!

How do you know you weren't actually born left handed? Genetically, I mean.

I don't but I have a feeling I could've been. I'm left footed and my handwriting is shit and feels awkward sometimes.

What do you think of Anakin the two-legged cat? I noticed in another comment that you mentioned phantom pains, and I wonder if you feel anything like what he's doing here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhbKXQIj0Tg&t=18s - positioning himself to scratch an itch with the back legs he's never had.

That's very interesting. I kind of have these feelings too. Like I can feel as if I'm putting my hand in a fist when I don't have anything there.

Have you faced much insensitivity and ugliness towards your hand, and how do you deal with it when it happens? I remember having a classmate who was born with an arm that stopped at the elbow, and all I could do was just stare. I didn't mean to be rude, but I was fascinated. I sometimes wonder how those sort of things might have affected her.

When I was in middle school I was very depressed and actually contemplated killing myself because I didn't think anyone could ever love me. I thought of myself as "damaged goods". I thought "I have a pretty face but not enough to look past my hand." Eventually I met a few people who didn't care and genuinely liked me and I dated a few people.

Now I have an amazing SO who makes me feel very beautiful and I feel very comfortable around him. :)

Since the umbilical cord was stretched tight enough to cut off blood flow to your hand, I wonder if blood flow through the umbilical cord itself was restricted. Were there any other complications in your mother's pregnancy? Were you low birth weight?

Nope. I was I think 9 lbs so I was a big baby.

... do you ever get freaky with that thing?

Sometimes ;)

When amuptees lose a limb, they sometimes experience "ghost pain". Have you ever had that sensation? I'd imagine not but am curious.

Also, have you ever dreamed and had your left hand in your dream? Again, just curious. Thanks for sharing by the way!

I do get ghost pain. It's very unusual. It hurts a lot as if I pulled a muscle.

In my dreams I can never see my hands. I know they're there but I can't see them, if that makes sense.

What is one thing you wish other people would do or not do when they are with you?

Act differently around me. Like be extra nice to me. Just be normal and act normal with me because I am normal.

How's your dating life?

Pretty good actually. I've been with my current SO for almost a year this Saturday. :)

how old are you? do people at school give you a hard time?

I'm 18. At my uni people don't really notice or care. At high school my friends didn't care either but my SO's friends would either find it cool and cute we were together or they were weirded out and pretended I didn't exist.

Have you come up with any awesome gadgets to make daily things easier? Customized shoe lace tier, video game controller, something to push ctrl+alt+delete, etc.?

When I was younger and a little chubby fat kid I made this little thing out of a few paper clips that would help me button my jeans. The paper clip was in the shape of an oval and twisted on the end I would hold. The oval goes through the hole in the jeans for the button and then I put the oval over and under the button and pull it through the jean hole. tada! buttoned jeans!

How do you feel when kids or adults stare at you and what do you wish they would do instead?

I stare back at them until they look away or I ask them if they want to get a closer look. I just wish they would be more discreet or if they're genuinely curious to ask me questions about it or something, not talk about me in a low voice.

There was a Russian girl in middle school, very pretty girl, but she always carried a jacket and had it wrapped around her hand. I was in the same class as her and didn't even notice for like, 2 years. Her hand was deformed, and she would just walk around with a jacket 24/7.

That sounds like me. I always wore long sleeve shirts or sweaters. When it got hot I would carry around something to keep it out of view.