I am Jeff Garlin, "comedic person of some notoriety" - ask me anything!

Has Larry David really never taken a picture? This boggles my mind.

yes! he has never taken a picture, and he has never put money in a jukebox. At some point, you learn not to be boggled by what Larry David chooses to do or not do.

When are we going to see some more of Curb?

I have no idea. I'm hoping sometime in 2014.

As your voice gets a lot of use in Hollywood have you ever considered forming a band and becoming the singer?

Also one time you sat on a park bench next to me and my kid and you commented 'good looking boy" to which I replied 'thanks!' and you said 'Not him i was talking about myself." Made my day that did.

No, because i respect people too much. I try to make people laugh all the time.

Jeff, huge, HUGE fan of your work on Curb. Your interactions with Larry are priceless comedy. Can we expect a 9th season of Curb? And how the hell do you not crack up when Susie calls you a fat fuck?

I hope so. It looks good. But I won't even say very good, just good, but i hope so.

I don't crack up because i'm a professional. If I were just watching the scene, I would crack up, but because I'm in the scene, I'm a professional so I don't crack up.

what's a good question to ask you?

What are you scared of?

what are you scared of, jeff?

What kind of question is that? Just WHO do you think you are?

When can we expect to see Gangee 2 in theatres?

I only wish Gangee 2 would be in theatres.

Hi, Jeff. I'm from a foreign land have simply no idea how to behave. Can you help?

That is something that I was talking about and Tig Notaro ran with it. People should download my podcast "By the Way In Conversation with Tig Notaro" because that is one of the funniest runs I've ever heard anyone do. Ever.

Who would you rather marry in real life: Susie Green or Maeby Funke?

Maeby Funke.

As a curb fan, this is how I imagined your recent felony news. As an arrested development fan, I hope you shit on his desk.

No questions, just thought I'd say you're awesome.

Thank you.

How cool is it working with Pixar?

the coolest, and a dream come true. I remember when I saw Toy STory (the first film) in the movie theater- I said to my wife, "That would be when I know that I've made it, that I was a voice in a Pixar movie. They called me and asked me if I would come up to Pixar - they would fly me up, to pitch me on the possibility of being in their new movie. And I said to my wife, "I love that they're going to pitch me, as if the answer won't possibly be yes."

"Cock! Cock! Jism! Grandma! Cock!" Was one of the few lines in a sitcom that made me "for real" laugh out loud. Was that one yours?

edit: unneeded edit.

completely mine. but my favorite line from that episode was "boy cock, girl cock, e-i-e-i-o". That killed me.

Can you please keep doing your podcast forever and ever? It's my favourite podcast!

yes. I will keep doing my podcast forever and ever.

What was your favorite Curb episode to film? Also what was your favorite "What the Fuck?!?" of the show? Thanks!

To film... i don't know that i have a favorite to film, probably one with a location closest to my house. As far my as favorite Curb episode, it was one called "Wandering Bear," where Larry and I watch Girls Gone Wild, my dog gets run over, and Cheryl's vagina itches and it's cured by an Indian. I think that is the best episode because it's completely self-contained.

Who do you have on the docket for future episodes of your "In Conversation" podcast? The episodes with Mitch Hurwitz and Will Ferrell had me on the floor.

Vince Gilligan, JB Smoove, Demetri Martin.

Who is your favorite working comedian

Zach Galifianakis.

listening to your BTW the other day with Zach, and after you mentioned how he's the only person you follow on twitter, I checked your twitter and started dying of laughter.

that is so awesome

I followed the Dalai Lama for a while, but he tweeted way too much for my taste.

How do you come up with ideas for "you might be a redneck if"... Are you just like walking around your local Walmart

Well living part-time in Atlanta, Nashville, and Mobile Alabama, they seem to drop in my lap. I will be going on tour with Travis Tritt for the next 6 months. People don't know this, but Minnie Pearl was my mom and Jerry Clower was my dad. I love being America's Foremost Southern Comedian.

Jeff, whose panties did Suzy find in the glove box?

I've never stopped to think about it. But I know if my wife found panties in the glove box, it would not be a good situation. and I don't have anybody like Larry to wear panties for me.

I was at your show at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood a few months ago and you called me out for shaking a sugar packet, then got some drunk guy kicked out. You made my day, I just wanted to say you're the best!

Who's your favorite standup comedian to be on the road with?

Any one of Sports Illustrated's swimsuit models who have chosen to do stand-up comedy. I remember that show.

What's the funniest thing Susie Essman ever called you as an insult?

I don't even pay attention to when she calls me any of these names. And I don't necessarily find any of them funny, but i go along with it because it's pretend. Although if I want to not be called a fat fuck, I guess I should lose some more weight.

How would you say being the "Donut Jerk" in RoboCop 3 affected your career?

By playing that role, I learned what a spit bucket was. prior to that role, I had no idea. But i paid a price, because I didn't know what a spit bucket was until i had eaten 36 donuts.

do you still love Potatoes?

I love 'em fried, I love 'em mashed. I love potatoes.

how long was your head shaved after the episode of curb entitled, "the n word"?

I did not like being bald. I let it grow in as fast as I could.

All I came in here for is just to thank you for bringing Traverse City a wonderful comedy festival in the middle of February. We all have a wonderful time. You and everyone that takes the stages are crazy funny and I look forward to next year. Thanks!

Hey, thank you! I look forward to next year!

It seems that Curb your Enthusiasm has a lot of celebrities that love to be a part of the show on a recurring basis, like Ted Danson, Bob Einstein, etc. Were these guys picked because Larry is friends with them, or for their improv skills, or a little of both? I get the impression from the show that you guys are pretty close and often hang out with each other.

Larry loves working with his friends, but he'd rather work with people he didn't particularly like, as long as they were funny. You have to understand, when we're filming, we don't hang out off the set because we're spending 12 hour days filming with each others. We try to have lunch when we're not filming though.

Jeff, how funny is JB Smoove in person, and will you be on Four Courses on MSG? - @EminemAndMnMs

Just as funny as he is when you watch him on Curb Your Enthusiasm. And he's a great guy. I don't know what Four Courses is, so my guess is, probably not.

[deleted]

Thanks. I really don't know what else to say. But thanks. you are pretty funny and gracious yourself.

How has working with both Larry David and the unscripted nature of 'Curb' influenced your own comedy/acting?

It's just given me an opportunity to get better all the time.

Just wanted to let you know I loved your film 'Dealing With Idiots'!

Got any other directorial plans in the future?

Thanks for taking the time to do an AMA!

yes! i am shooting another movie next summer. I don't want to say any more about it, because I don't like to do that. And thank you for actually paying attention to what I'm saying!

Favourite Film?

I've got so many. A few of my favorite films: The Wild Bunch, Lawrence of Arabia, Meet John Doe, Sullivan's Travels, 400 Blows, 8 1/2.

Tiny penis? Or Huge Vagina?

A big, big cock.

With regards to your new show this fall, ‘The Goldbergs,’ can you tell me what it’s like to work on a new show after Curb? Is there a different vibe on the set?

it's completely different, but full of positivity and passion for creating something funny.

Have you always had such an awesome laugh? What was it like when that noise came out of you as a kid?

I was not conscious of it. If i was conscious of my laugh, that would be a pretty miserable existence. I'm not really conscious about anything that I do.

Who would be your choice for most wanted but unfortunately currently dead By The Way guest? Also last year I recognized you at the Grove and we had a small chat about Twitter. On a scale of 1-10, how annoying are these random interactions on a daily basis?

Jack Benny would be my choice. On a scale... I am honored that anyone would even want to talk to me.

I'm curious how you found Reddit! Did someone tell you about AMA's, or did you know about Reddit before and just decided to do one?

i invented AMAs.

No question here. Just wanna say I love your podcast and thanks for making hot 40 on a pumpkin a part of my life.

It's a big part of my life too.

Lotion.

Cream.

Hey Jeff, I was just wondering what do talk show hosts normally talk about when they lean in close to guests right before commercials?

the price of lotion.

Jeff, how close is your personality on Curb your Enthusiasm to your personality in real life?

Very similar in terms of personality. But not similar at ALL in terms of depth and integrity.

Hey Jeff,

Who is you favorite person to improv with on Curb? After hanging around L.D. for so long do you find yourself becoming a social assassin?

I don't have a favorite, I like anytime I'm with Larry, with Susie, with JB, with Bob Einstein, I have a great time. I don't have a favorite. Yes, I would say that I am like Larry's character, I am probably more of a social assassin in real life than Larry is.

Apart from Curb, what other comedies do you currently rate on TV/Netflix?

Bonus - Which comedy shows do you not enjoy?

In terms of comedy, my favorite show is South Park. In terms of drama, I'd have to say Mad Men and Breaking Bad.

The second question is not going to be negative. Comedy is difficult, and i don't like saying anything negative about people.

How often do you have strangers approach you calling you a fat fuck? And how do you deal with it?

nobody does approach me and call me a fat fuck, but if they did, I would wish them a merry Christmas.

I've always been curious, how did you end up guesting as yourself on Community?

They asked me. And I (as myself) said yes.

How much creative license are you afforded by HBO? Has there ever been a story treatment or scene that was rejected by HBO for whatever reason?

Also, how much fun is it to have Suzie cursing at you every five seconds?

Complete and utter creative license, they give no notes, they are wonderful to work with. Never was a story scene rejected - unless it wasn't funny.

That's not necessarily fun, but what's fun is working with Susie - she makes me very happy.

Jeff, how did your career in show business begin? What was your greatest challenge? I'm a huge fan of your work in "Curb Your Enthusiasm." Jeff Greene and Larry David go together like peanut butter and jelly.

I made the bold choice to audition at the Comic Strip comedy club in Ft. Lauderdale in June of 1982. I was a film student at the University of Miami, where I eventually dropped out and completely focused on my comedy career. Coming back from having a stroke in 2000 was my greatest challenge. it was a real fight for me to get onstage and perform because I was slurring my words a bit, and i was very slow moving, but i kept on pounding away and hi everybody, I'm here!

Why are you so handsome?

well, let's just say it's one of the mysteries of life.

You have done much voiceover work for many animated films. What is it that draws you to that work? Films such as Wall E and Toy Story 3 were not only successful at the box office, but also critically acclaimed. Did you have any inkling these films would become instant classics and how does that feel to be apart of such films?

I'm not drawn to any particular type of work. I'm drawn to good work. Because believe me, I've been offered bad animated movies to do, and I've chosen not to do them. I've been lucky enough to be involved with some great animated movies. For your second question: yes. It feels great, I have to say, not that I go around feeling that way all day, but when I do think about it, I'm quite thrilled to be a part of those movies.

Jeff, what would you do for a living if you weren't an actor?

I would be either a teacher or a baseball announcer.

Jeff, did Leon really have to tap every ass? Follow up: do you also brings the ruckus to the ladies?

You'd have to jump into a fantasy time machine and ask him. The show is pretend, but i am sure if you want to imagine that, yes he has tapped every ass in the world.

Man, no, the ladies brings the ruckus to me!

Can you confirm or deny rumors of a turner and hooch reboot starring you and pete holmes?

I can neither confirm or deny, but let's just say, both Pete Holmes and I just bought the title "According to Jim." And we may use that instead. Same story. .

I loved seeing your live shows with Guster, do you think that you would ever try doing that again? What did you like most about touring with a band rather than on a comedy tour?

oh i really want to, and we've even talked about it! As a matter of fact, I will be doing some shows with Jeff Tweedy in December. What i liked most was the companionship - going on the road as a comedian is awfully lonely.

Who's been your favorite guest on By the Way? Who would you like to see make an appearance?

Lena Dunham. I'm completely enamored with her. Albert Brooks is who i'd like to see make an appearance.

Yeah, I have a question: Your movie looks great.

well, i have an answer: it may be the greatest movie ever made.

What's your favorite dinosaur?

hmmm. Brontosaurus.

Love you in Curb and everything else but especially Curb! You have gotten to know some of the big guns in the comedy writing world (Larry David and Conan) what have you learned from them?

Well, to always trust your own individual style, and either people will find it funny or they won't.

Jeff, how are you feeling? I'm good, thanks for asking..

Slightly nauseous, and a little bit hungry.

How did you meet Larry David? How often are you in your hometown Chicago?

At a gentle lovemaking seminar.

I am back in my hometown Chicago whenever they host the gentle lovemaking seminar.

Hair stroking 101

Got an A!

Jeff,

Thanks for letting me sit at the table and enjoy a conversation with you and your guests. The podcast is awesome and I hope you have the support to keep it going!

P.S. Maybe post the In Conversation pictures on Tumblr? I'm dying to see this complex and confusing microphone setup.

Thank you. There might be pictures of the microphone setup on Earwolf.com on my podcast's homepage. As far as the pictures I take, someday I will release them in either a book or somewhere but not anytime soon.

What is your favorite type of Danish?

Cheese. But I don't eat them anymore. I don't eat wheat and I don't eat sugar, but oh i love a good cheese danish.

Do you and Larry go way back? I kind of imagine you knowing him when he was driving a cab in NYC.

Edit: Btw I think you are hilarious.

I didn't know him when he drove a cab, but I did know him when he was an unknown standup comedian in New York City.

What moment early in your career was the one that made you realize you could do comedy for a living?

There actually isn't one moment, but I was arrogant enough to think I could do comedy for a living as young as 8 years old.

Hi Jeff, Thanks for doing this AMA :D

If you could choose any one guest star to be on Curb, who would you pick and why?

Albert Brooks, because he is the funniest person in the world.

Love the work you've done, specifically the work on Curb You're Enthusiasm.

What scene was the most difficult to keep it straight while shooting?

My thought is the one with the car periscope. That shit was hysterical.

When Larry wore ladies' panties.

You told an awesome story on a roundtable show that I always think of whenever I or my friends get too stressed about what to wear for an audition. What were you auditioning for when you wore the Fred Flintstone costume? And who was the CD? NY, right?

I was actually with Jon Stewart, and he was dressed as Barney, and we were auditioning for a new MTV sketch show, of which we weren't even remotely considered. Yes, it was in New York. I don't remember which casting director.

Hey Jeff!

I heard you on a radio interview, maybe more than a year ago. You were talking about your diet. Radio gold! Anyway, assuming you're still on that wagon, how have those changes affected your work?

Affected my work? I have more energy, which means I'm funnier.

I remember an episode of Doug Loves Movies a few months back where you said you were completely reinventing how you do stand-up. What has changed for you in preparing for this new special?

I'm writing material now.

I'm SO happy you're doing this. I'm a huge fan. Please tell me you and Larry are making a new season of Curb soon!?!

I hope that we do another season, but I have not heard anything.

Jeff, do you have any plans or desire to play a dramatic role in the near future?

I just did! I was in the movie "Laggies" a film directed by Lynn Shelton where I play Keira Knightley's father, and all my scenes in that movie are dramatic. And I've already been a villain on Law & Order: Criminal Intent. But I don't have a specific desire to do drama, I just want to enjoy myself and do good work.

HI jeff, Big fan.

I have a couple of questions.

One I just recently watched I want someone to eat cheese with and loved it. How was it working on set in chicago (my home town)? Any good behind the scenes stories?

Second, my friend recently got into the conservatory at second city (in chicago) any tips you could share on how being in improv at second city (he went to IO and just recently got into the conservatory).

Thanks again for making such great films and television!.

PS what was it like to be a pirate selling hot dogs???

I love working in CHicago. I hope that all the movies that i make from now on are filmed in Chicago. No, not great stories, but people, everyday Chicagoans, thanked me for filming there.

For your friend, take what you do seriously, but not yourself seriously.

Because it wasn't really my job, it was great fun to sell hot dogs.

What was your favourite entry in the Freak Book?

i was acting. i don't have a favorite entry in the freak book, and i actually don't even find freaks all that funny. but wow, wasn't I great at acting?

What's your favorite color?

blue.

Did you ever get your trailer in Community?

The show is pretend.

Describe a day in the life of Jeff Garlin in 5 or less words?

Meditate

Work

Meditate

Nap

Lotion

Jeff, gimme your top five musicians pleeease!

I'm gonna go with Thelonious Monk, John Coltrane, Ben Webster, Jimi Hendrix, and Bob Marley.

Jeff, what advice would you give for an aspiring college-aged comedian to get noticed?

Be funny.

What's your favorite sauce? What's your favorite thing to put said sauce on?

Secret. I spend my saturdays pouring Secret Sauce on pumpkins.

Does your wife know?

Serious Edit: WALL-E is easily my all-time favorite animated movie, in no small part due to your performance. If there had to be a human voice in that film, I'm glad it was yours.

Thank you very much. I'm glad it was mine too.

Are you planning on releasing another stand-up special?

Yes, hopefully within the next year, but I am going to be awfully busy filming "The Goldbergs."

What smells like mustard?

My grandma's vagina.

Where did you grow up in Morton Grove? I went to Park View. lived right near Harrer Park. For some reason I picture you as more of a West Morton Grove guy who went to Niles North.

I lived on the corner of Church and Merrill. I would have gone to Maine East, if my family had stayed in Chicago. So you are right about Western Morton Grove.

Mr Garlin, will you be appearing in Larry David's new HBO movie? also i love your work and just want to thank you for all that you do!

No. Thank YOU!

Any advice to start a voice acting career??..

I don't know how you start a voice acting career. become a famous comedian. that's how I did it.

Oh come on, don't downplay your role in Arrested Development! (Did you ever marry Maeby?) Any cool behind-the-scenes cast stories from AD that you'd care to share?

Yes! Maeby and I were married, and she's sitting on my lap right now. That's a cool behind-the-scenes story. Also, I'm wearing an Abe Lincoln hat.

You play Larry's agent in curb. How does his real agent feel about this? How well does your agent feel you play his profession?

Can you imagine if he would possibly be jealous? Not a good question man.