Comments: 2656 • Responses: 52  • Date: 

Sweet_Baby_Cheezus2330 karma

Can you use my joke in a script? I've always wanted to see it.

Scene one: Prof: Misty, after looking at your grades, I don't see anyway you'll ever pass this class.

Woman: Oh Professor Johnson, please let me pass... I'll do anything.

Prof: Anything you say...

Scene 2: Misty at a desk with a book open. "Goddamn it, I can't believe Professor Johnson is making me write a ten pages for extra credit, while he fucks the librarian"

It can also be a delivery guy who comes inside for a tip and the woman hands him a check,or a pool boy whose asked to cool off in the cabana and then gets a bottle of water. I've just always thought it'd be hilarious for one of these porn set-ups to play out like they would in real life.

thenewjerseydevil1639 karma

Haha that's funny. I totally get it. Its my kind of humour.

PuempelsPurpose545 karma

Or while she's writing the paper for Professor Johnson, the food delivery man comes and fucks her. Metaporn.

thenewjerseydevil981 karma

The food delivery man comes and fucks himself with the food would be funnier, while she just watched. When She asks to get in on it, he just makes her a sandwich.

jb69029377 karma

HE makes HER a sandwich???? What is this? Porn for girls???

thenewjerseydevil410 karma

Can't there be such a niche? :)

cpt_merica1081 karma

So, what's the most fucked up thing you've ever seen?

thenewjerseydevil1610 karma

When I started I thought I knew what porn was, but really had no idea about the niches like granny, transgender, little people, make them gag....etc.. thus far I'd say the gag stuff is pretty funny. There was one scene where two girls trying to out do each other with who can gag the best, they ended up sounding like Donald duck meets a demon, or a death metal singer. It was loud as hell, and funny as shit. But so far the most fucked up stuff was definitely at lol enjoy.

IdleGod2430 karma

I'm not gonna lie, if thats the worst you've found, you have barely scratched the surface.

Source: Internet veteran.

thenewjerseydevil250 karma

Haha ya loud and clear! Like I said, haven't been in this for too long, still a novice I guess.

TurboGranny192 karma

Someone describe a scene from this site for those of us at work. Also, for science.

rexy_unchained342 karma

efuckt features the greatest porn bloopers known to man. Just clips of when shit goes wrong on set.

"it only smellz" check it out when you get home. Heh.

thenewjerseydevil333 karma

I believe its called "its only smellz" the funniest thing ever, also super gross.

arewefalling852 karma

Is it common for porn actors to be unable to sustain a hard-on? Given the fact that there's cameras rolling, people watching and generally a strange setting to be in.

thenewjerseydevil1186 karma

Yes it is very common. It happens to the best of them. Even Ron Jeremy.

Spacial_Parting644 karma

Would you ever consider writing a Lord of the Rings based porn called The Battle of Balls Deep?

thenewjerseydevil639 karma

Yes for sure but I would just use the battle of balls deep as a particular scene, not the title. Fetish porn: lord of the cock rings or something like that. Two Showers or Fellowship of the g-string , maybe return of the sting. ? Not sure really.

deleated596 karma

On my work PC they filter out porn On your work PC do they filter out things that aren't porn?

If I were caught jacking off at my desk I'd be fired. What would happen to you?

thenewjerseydevil722 karma

We get stuff like Facebook filtered out, as funny as it sounds, they would rather us be working as opposed to chatting with friends and reading peoples news feeds etc... only our "working" is adult content. It really isn't much different then anyone else's job, if we were caught masturbating we would be fired just as fast as anyone else! Its not like we would get a medal or something. lol but that would be funny If we did. Reminds me of the Trojan Olympics for some reason.

DenverStud638 karma

Content filter warning!!! This site does not contain explicit material...

thenewjerseydevil313 karma

Lol hahaha exactly.

doyouthinkiamlying261 karma

There's a strangely musical tone in your paragraphs.

thenewjerseydevil291 karma

I also write music. That's funny you would notice something like that. I originally went to school for music. So strange how a series of events fall into place to lead you somewhere different then the path you assumed you'd be on for eternity.

DJJoeBlock185 karma


thenewjerseydevil122 karma

That is a great idea! Haha

ExcuseMyFLATULENCE162 karma

doyouthinkiamlying's comment was not aimed for you. But hey, wat the hell.

thenewjerseydevil133 karma

Still figuring this thing out. Thanks!

etamine426 karma

Does it bother you that a lot of people just skip the dialogue you write

thenewjerseydevil661 karma

No because to be honest, I usually just skip the sex and only watch it for the dialogue. Ha! That goes for all the films. I'm huge fan of b-movies so the cheesier the better.

adzug318 karma

i just wanted to tell you the best porn ive seen has been some japanese porn where its like a little movie. husband leaves , delivery man comes over ect. but what was exciting was a sense of passion and intimacy between the actors. they look into each others eyes theres a smoldering tension. the lead up to the sex is incredible. i believe they want each other . so much porn is painfully obvious that these people are paid to fuck and when they speak or are moaning it says " were not fucking with our souls but with our wallets " maybe i ask too much. good luck with your job, it seems like fun and you seem kinda grounded.

thenewjerseydevil351 karma

Thanks and I definitely agree with you. I've read 50 Shades of bullshit, but if I had to change one thing about the I industry it would be exactly what you outlined. There needs to be more passion in it. Rather then just rough sex.

iia309 karma

Would you rather see a desperate, down-on-her-luck girl fuck a horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses?

thenewjerseydevil368 karma

Definitely a hundred duck sized horses. Mainly cause I love ducks and horses, And hundred duck sized horses would be pretty Funny. Would you keep them in a shoe boxed sized ranch? Or a ranch sized shoe box?

rthaw63 karma

Mmm... yeah, we'll be asking the questions around here. I love the effort though. Very interesting AMA!

thenewjerseydevil22 karma

Hahahaha too funny.

TIGit281 karma

Please make a "Supernatural" spoof. There is such a huge rabid fan market for the show and it's characters, and it's completely untapped. There are women and gay men of the world crying out "Where is our gay porn of these television characters?!" And hopefully you cum-forth and heed the call and be the hero they deserve.

thenewjerseydevil306 karma

I'm game. I will propose it at the next meeting. First I should start watching Supernatural.

aeng69222 karma

how do you generally feel when you are sitting there watching your script come to life?

thenewjerseydevil733 karma

It may sound weird, but really fuckin awesome. Even though its raunchy stuff, and its hardcore, nothing beats when some guy is delivering a line you wrote right before he bangs a girl in the ass. Nothing says I love this business more. Truth!

cpt_merica218 karma

  • How'd you end up doing this as a job?

  • Are you paid well?

  • Do you get a lot of grief from friends/family for this job?

  • How does being around porn all day affect your sex drive? (for science!--of course...)

thenewjerseydevil339 karma

OK here goes: I love writing, I have a passion for it. I used to travel a lot for my previous job. When I landed this one, it was as if someone Was saying to me "look we will give you a job where you get to be as creative as you want, we will pay you for it,and you dont have to be on the highway travelling All the time, increasing your chances of being in a fatal accident from driving several hours a day" or something crazy like that. Yea I got grief at first from my family, but my husband thought it was cool. Lol I was never big on him watching porn when We were dating, This one time I caught a look at his computer screen when he was Trying to close it, and felt very inadequate. I sort of feel bad about it now cause he's completely cool with my job. In fact there is more porn on at our house now then ever. In terms of sex drive, well (blushing) :) on my first day he came home and told him what i do and he got me pregnant. We can leave it at that. But yea as far as sex drive I think everything still works the same.

peniscockdickboner83 karma

Your having a kid? How do you plan on explaining your job? That would be a fun Bring Your Kid To Work Day.

thenewjerseydevil200 karma

Expecting a kid and yes it would be. But no seriously, it would be one of those talks we would have around the same time as the birds and bees conversation. "Honey, you came from mommy's belly, and by the way, mommy writes porn." What's porn?

And there's a whole new can of worms.

kryptoniteboots96 karma

If she's been there four months and it happened after her first day, there's no kid yet. Plus, I'm not sure if babies are that interested in jobs.

thenewjerseydevil72 karma

Exactly, thanks. Who knows where I will be when That talk happens...?

Palendrome18 karma

I can't help but notice the irony in someone who writes for a living but capitalizes random words in random sentences.

thenewjerseydevil11 karma

Using a tablet. Damn this g is on so e sort of auto pilot fuckery. But I thought about that after the fact and I do find that to be ironic. Lol But its the tablet. I assure you. :)

doihavesomethinghere185 karma

Would you, or have you had sex with any of the stars? Not on film, just for fun or because you think it would be amazing?

thenewjerseydevil268 karma

I have never and would never. Not because of what they do, but I honestly never thought about it before I started working in the industry and it never crossed my mind afterwards either. It may have had something to do with seeing them naked all the time, since there are some things you want to leave to your imagination, usually its already out in the open. So the idea of me using g y imagination to think, "hey I would dear if he's smart" doesn't seem to cut it for me. I usually imagine what they look like naked but thats already out there for everyone to see. Takes away from it.

thenewjerseydevil8 karma

I have never and would never. Not because of what they do, but I honestly never thought about it before I started working in the industry and it never crossed my mind afterwards either. It may have had something to do with seeing them naked all the time, since there are some things you want to leave to your imagination, usually its already out in the open. So the idea of me using g y imagination to think, "hey I would dear if he's smart" doesn't seem to cut it for me. I usually imagine what they look like naked but thats already out there for everyone to see. Takes away from it.

steve-d180 karma

What are some oddly professional things that go on in your office, that you wouldn't expect in a porn company? (ex. serious staff meetings about content)

thenewjerseydevil394 karma

Well everything is oddly professional about the office itself. Looks and acts like any old office. Ahh oddly professional! Just thought of something one of my first days here we had a huge meeting on sexual harassment in the work place. One of the major no no's were to not send explicit sexual content in messages and emails. And that's all we do here. Lol Thought that was sort of odd.

miss-atomicbomb172 karma

Which is your favourite of the scripts you've written/worked on so far and why?

thenewjerseydevil446 karma

There is one I am working on now called James Bondage 0069. lol Its going to be classy mixed with raunchy, and will have a little bit of everything in it. I like this one the best because it has all the potential of a classic in the making.

old_hippy114 karma

Doesn't it depend a lot on how much they have decided to invest in a movie?

thenewjerseydevil159 karma

Yes exactly! We are pushing for a bigger budget for this one.

throwaway73645169 karma

Were any ideas ever proposed, but considered too extreme, by either the talent or management?

thenewjerseydevil323 karma

We wanted to do a rock concert scene with a lot of drugs and booze and it became quite off limits after we saw a law and order svu episode with a similar premise where a girl was raped and killed. Became off limits.

LiterallyChrist126 karma

How scripted are the sex scenes? Like does the script/the director say specific things or just go wild?

thenewjerseydevil251 karma

Most of it if not everything is usually scripted. We will even go as far as telling the director how long roughly positions should take. But again, its all in who you are working with too. A lot of actresses take their "character" so seriously that even when the scripted lines end and the sex begins, they are still very much in character, Saying crazy stuff during the sex that would only have been imagined if they truly took on the role of their character from the script. Which is frigging awesome!

Ozmar119 karma

What was the best blooper scene you've seen?

thenewjerseydevil162 karma

Definitely Brianna brooks and Jerry just foolin around during a shoot. Jerry has a sweet accent, very funny guy and not even trying to be. Just can't get his lines down. He reminds me a bit of Jean Claude van dam or someone. He's the best. Jerry that is.

doyouthinkiamlying59 karma

Why you gotta be hating on mean man Van Damme.

thenewjerseydevil83 karma

Because my husband is a fan. He even bought me a blood sport shirt. I'm such a cheeseball.

FentanylFreak92 karma

Can the average actress really follow a script?

thenewjerseydevil153 karma

Yes and no. We've had actors both men and female go with the script, And some can do it and some Can't. Its important to note that the ones who strictly follow the script usually fall flat. But the ones who are able to take the script and add their own flair to it tend to get the job done. The sex aspect is what they like to do, so the less lines they have the more comfortable they are, but you get a few that really knock it out of the park, and those are the ones we are inclined to continue working with more frequently.

vaselinedatblackhole83 karma

A time when you just wanted to walk out?

thenewjerseydevil225 karma

We had a really cool idea for a viral video that didn't end up getting made, a month later our competitor made an exact carbon copy of our idea, and got mainstream attention. That was a real heart breaker. But nothing that made me want to leave.

Jpczech70 karma

Are you trying to become a screenwriter and just getting in wherever there's opportunity?

thenewjerseydevil130 karma

Well I have screen writing and creative writing backgrounds, but I don't plan on pursuing a future career in screenplays. Yes that would be cool, but I never thought I would enjoy writing porn as much as I do. Lol I've been quite smitten with the terminologies and ideas that no matter how funny you can be with a script it will always lead to sex.
Its inevitable. So you never get stuck or writers block. LoL if you do, cut the conversation short and move right into the sex. Hehe

Jpczech120 karma

It's the perfect writers job lol.

Writer: I'm stuck.... Hmmm wait a minute! No! 'She's stuck' by him.

And on it goes

thenewjerseydevil91 karma

Boom. You've nailed it! :)

bertrussell67 karma

What percentage of the girls in the industry do you feel are fully willingly there, and what percentage actually enjoy their job?

Some circles tend to believe that women in porn are there out of being trapped in a circle of needing the money, but feel degraded and horrible about themselves for doing it. I am wondering how true that is.

thenewjerseydevil93 karma

I think its a false belief. From what I've encountered, the women like it. We enjoy porn as much as guys do, just like the passion to be there. I do think most women in the industry are treated with more respect then the guys. I don't doubt that some women get into it for the money but they usually get out once they can. Coming into this profession, i would come across a few pornstars I really thought were way too beautiful for porn, come to find out they are "former" pornstars now. All moved into modelling and other efforts.

shmikey18262 karma

What's a typical porn marketing meeting like?

thenewjerseydevil80 karma

Typical marketing meeting is usually a pretty good time, we all throw out ideas and brainstorm the shit out of what's coming up next. We usually write up press releases and designs and send them out to all major public relations platforms for our industry. Where it gets interesting is when we figure out ways to push through the walls of what's mainstream and what isn't . It gets tricky though, so we definitely focus a lot of time on those aspects during the meetings.

basherrr61 karma

Are these people skeezy, or are they more like corporate suit and tie people?

thenewjerseydevil75 karma

They are more like laid back and cool. But a bit of corporate to boot. Not much though.

dorian_gray64546 karma

You should pull a Tyler Durden and splice porn with porn it will totally mind fuck everyone!

JohnnyH10440 karma

Or splice porn with Disney.

thenewjerseydevil19 karma

That would be funny.

TonyLokes44 karma

What was the most disgusting thing you've seen occur? And what kind of people do the 'actors' seem like off camera?

thenewjerseydevil73 karma

They are so normal. There are definitely weirder people walking the streets . Most disgusting thing ever, was the "its only smellz" vid,. Someone earlier mentioned it. That's top 5.

A_Sneaky_Penguin42 karma

Have you worked around any "mainstream" porn stars?

thenewjerseydevil77 karma

Yup! Ron Jeremy comes to mind.

LobsterTache30 karma

What sort of qualifications did you need to get this job?

thenewjerseydevil56 karma

Well I compose music as well. I have a diploma in creative writing and a degree in music. Like I said, I don't know how I ended up here, but im glad I did.

RosettaBoned17 karma

Why is it that in so many porn scenes the guy jerks himself off at the end? Please write more scenes where the girl finishes the job. If I wanted to see some guy masturbating I'd look down...

thenewjerseydevil22 karma

LOL yes! i think maybe its because these fuckmachines cant come on cue anymore and must have to muster the dirtiest thoughts ever to pew pew

Dank_Turtle11 karma

What's your favorite part of the job?

thenewjerseydevil27 karma

The writing. And getting to pick the talent. Definitely two aspects that just trump anything else I get to do.

canadianD7 karma

Arrested Development porn spoof.That is all.

thenewjerseydevil8 karma

yes yes and yes!

phibulous16183 karma

What's it like to finally be working at your dream job?

thenewjerseydevil2 karma

When I first started working in the adult industry all I kept asking myself was "how did I get to this point?" But its cool, and fun and I love everyone I work with. It really reminds me of the show the office. Just a really Fun environment.

JPree2 karma

Can I have your Batman action figure?!?!?!?

thenewjerseydevil2 karma

Luv Batman!

Zerokilljoy1 karma

Are you from Jersey? Also, which state do you work in? Thanks!

thenewjerseydevil3 karma

The name is a reference from the x-files. Our work is based out of L.A.

peniscockdickboner1 karma

How do you go about getting into that part of the industry?

thenewjerseydevil2 karma

Its weird. Others no right way or wrong way...well....there's probably a few wrong ways, But if you enjoy writing I would send material everywhere, contribute to things you like, and make contacts. Networking is number one. Its how you get anywhere. You can be lucky, or have the cards stacked in your favour. How? You create tickets for yourself. Every piece of writing or contact, or opportunity is another ticket/card stacked in your favour. Then you just keep going for what you are trying to do. Eventually something happens, And boom! You wind up working in the adult industry. To be honest, I hope this doesn't sound weird, But I always wanted to be a wrestling manager. Lol now I just think that's silly,but having that dream lead me into Music, and now I Writing porn. My god, Where has the time gone. Lol

Setay111 karma

What're your favorite lines of dialogue you've written?

thenewjerseydevil6 karma

Guy gets a referral to a massage parlour from his Doctor. The prestigious Dr. Khan Do. The sign outside of his practice Reads, "Khan Do, Will Do, Anything For You!"

Its the only one thats coming to mind right now.