So its been about 6 months since I wrote my original post. It seemed to garner quite a lot of questions mainly about my validity. I have requested my expungment papers and I finally have them in hand. I am willing to answer any questions asked.

Edit: So I just realized that any edit just made me seem the bad guy.

Comments: 220 • Responses: 70  • Date: 

cheezburga50 karma

Do you feel the identity of people who are arrested for sexual assault and rape should have their identity be anonymous until the time they are proven guilty?

Tossitaway4sure83 karma

YES, 100% yes, I am sorry if there is only a .01% chance that someone is guilty they deserve to have their identity preserved. Now if they are found guilty? By all means everyone should know them as a potential threat, once you have crossed that line you can't uncross it.

AlmostUnder4 karma

How do you get around the requirements for a public trial?

jkzebrafish12 karma

Amendment 6 says "the accused shall enjoy the RIGHT to a speedy and public trial", not that a public trial is a requirement. In principle the accused could waive this right I suppose. However, they would in principle risk being tried by a secret Guantanamo court or similar.

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

A speedy trail in the US is considered to be 6 months or less, but the DA has the right to more time if the offender is accused of Murder 3 or above.

762headache9 karma

Surely the accused could forego this social case of they actually desired a public trial.

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

Not sure what you mean, as the accused I could request a trail by Judge.

TheLizardKing898 karma

A public trial is for the protection of the defendant's rights. He/she could waive this right.

Tossitaway4sure1 karma

All trials in the US are considered "Public"

Shaysdays5 karma

Doesn't Great Britian do this?

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

No, I think they are contemplating doing it for future crimes.

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

There isn't a way to get around that condition.

iamaredditer21 karma

If everyone could see her kissing you goodbye when she left why did the police decide to press charges? Why did she press charges if it was consensual sex?

Tossitaway4sure26 karma

Well to answer your first question you need to understand the circumstances of the town I live in. There was a serial rapist that had been involved with 6-8 rapes in the past 4-5 years. Just so we are clear I had only live in the area for 2 years, and before had lived out of state. I say this just to clearly state I was never a suspect in any of these cases. But when you live in a city with a population with less then 100k and you are accused of a crime such as this. It seems like they are willing to take exceptions to right to due process.

To answer your second question, she had a pretty crazy controlling boyfriend at the time, who I thought was her ex but at trial came out that was in fact still very much her Boyfriend. It should be pointed out that he wasn't ever called during the night in question. That in fact he only found out the day after and became crazily jealous.

iamaredditer9 karma

I still don't understand why she went to the police claiming she was raped. Did the bf force her to do this after she fessed up to fucking around on him?

Tossitaway4sure26 karma

Yes, literally yes. Her testimony even stated it. She said she went back to her dorm room. and he was waiting there demanding to know where she had been for the night. He then pushed her into her room "her testimony" and then asked where she had been that night.

Scymo13 karma


Tossitaway4sure22 karma

Not to my face, but I live in a world where I don't know those who know me because of who I was or because the news has portrayed me.

arsenalrclassy12 karma

Are you now in any sort of financial trouble due to the expense of this? If so, which was more damaging, the financial or social burden you now face?

Tossitaway4sure21 karma

Financial? No, the fact that I drink everyday maybe...

303030303030306 karma

Stop then, don't let it destroy your life. Move to new place if you have to.

Tossitaway4sure1 karma

I did, I am going to a treatment place on Tuesday. Random placement on this thread.!!! lol

iamaredditer11 karma

How much did this whole fiasco end up costing you?

Tossitaway4sure54 karma

80,000 Dollars, and my parents divorce.

Sadly I am serious.

Topicale17 karma

With the obvious caveat that I don't know your situation, I suspect that if your parent's divorced over this that they had issues that well preceded this incident, and you shouldn't feel personal responsibility.

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

My step father wasn't a nice man, he would regularity throw large pots and pans at me.

Watermelon_Salesman-3 karma

Why would you suspect that? It's a thought that never came to my mind. Stable families and relationships can be completely demolished by tragedy, even if there were no serious issues before. Also, what kind of relationship has no issues at all? Something like seeing your child facing a life sentence might make people go completely out of their minds.

It's one hell of an assumption what you're saying.

Topicale6 karma

I apologize; I didn't mean to offend. As I said, the obvious caveat is that I don't know your situation, but having been married (and divorced, and now happily remarried) I know there are often undercurrents to a relationship that don't come to light until the relationship is seriously tested, and are usually unseen by others (e.g.: children) other than the participants (parents).

If everything was perfect before, you could feel responsible; I was just offering up the scenario that maybe that wasn't fully the case, although you might have been the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, is all.

Either way, though, it's not the main point of your AMA and, as I said, it wasn't my intention to offend, so I apologize.

Tossitaway4sure1 karma

Pretty sure you nailed the nail on the coffin. Wouldn't worry too much about the people before. I wasn't beaten on a daily basis or anything, but the dude was an asshole. Your conjecture wasn't out of left field.

Tossitaway4sure1 karma

Not sure my Step Father was quite an asshole. He had quite the temper and while I would never say say had quintessential temper he did from time to time beat the living shit out of me...

iamaredditer10 karma

Good Lord man. How did it end up costing so much? What caused your parents to divorce from this? Sorry Op for what you have gone through.

Tossitaway4sure24 karma

Well a Rape trial which is considered amongst the highest of crimes in the country. You have a choice. You take a PD(Public Defender) which can be good in certain cases. Or you realize that you are fighting for your life and you ask your parents to pay for the best that money can buy. I put in 20k and my parents the rest. It got me a good defense, a defense that didn't need me to testify because the evidence spoke for itself. A defense that took the jury 20 minutes to find me innocent. Sadly my parents ie my Mother and Step Dad didn't decide it was worth the cose. This happened before the court just fyi

Watermelon_Salesman8 karma

I don't know the US judicial system very well, but any chance you'll get any of that money back? Can you counter sue her or the state?


Just because you're found not guilty doesn't mean you're innocent (slow your roll downvoters, I agree this guy is innocent, please finish reading my comment)

For him to sue her for damages the police would need to have charged her with something such as filing a false report or malicious prosecution. Due to "rape rights activists" most police departments have an unofficial policy of never charging women who report false rapes with a crime, so therefore it is nearly impossible to get a civil judgement against someone who filed a false police report.

Source: friend was charged with a false rape crime

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

You are right Dirty_Asshole: What I meant to say was that we should have been more focused on the crimes that go unnoticed all too often whiten the Big City. Sadly they will continue to be unsolved untill the detectives decide colors other then white are worth it.

b1gnickdigger8 karma

IANAL but I'm pretty sure you can sue for defamation of character or sue for the legal costs.

Watermelon_Salesman11 karma

If this is true, then OP should do it. Never mind that she seems like a good, religious girl. What happened to you is unfair and you must be compensated.

Brute1085 karma

If she has no money, it's really not worth it.

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

Was going to respond to the above poster but decided to respond to yours. I didn't want to gain anything based upon this trail. So I decided that I wouldn't pursue civil cases.

Tossitaway4sure3 karma

Our legal system doesn't work that directly sadly...

Tossitaway4sure3 karma

You can but you spend 5 times as much to try to get 6 times back over 20 years

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

Well no/yes, could I counter sue maybe, do I want to do so? No

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

No, literally no... lol

manofsea3 karma

wow that is screwed up. I have heard really bad things about PD's I never heard they were that bad.

Tossitaway4sure1 karma

I thought I was pretty + on PD's

wesleyt892 karma

Isn't it possible for you to file a lawsuit against the accuser since you were acquitted, very quickly I add. It just doesn't seem right that you had to deal with all that stress, and on top of that pay such a large chunk of money when you did nothing wrong and were found to be innocent in a court of law.

Tossitaway4sure3 karma

Possible? Yes actually very easily it just depends if I want to drag everyone I love back through my deepest secrets.

iamaredditer9 karma

Have you seen her since? Has she ever attempted to apologize? Hopefully the karma train finds her and gives her what she has coming. This story really reminds me of the duke lacrosse team. Those kids did get vindicated and paid but they paid a heavy price. Now the bitch that did the lying is awaiting trial for murder.

Tossitaway4sure11 karma

No, No, She wasn't anything like that Stipper from the Duke team, so I really don't have the same hate for her. She was a religious girl in a really bad spot.

thereisnosuchthing15 karma

She was a religious girl in a really bad spot.

you think that but it doesnt make it true

imagine religion means nothing but a weird little grouping of cultural stigmas and rituals and shes a human being with the same culpability as everyone else pretending to be poor hurt little girl who just "was in a bad spot" and "didnt know"

she could have ruined your life

Tossitaway4sure3 karma

She did ruin my life; I am a heavy drinker it would have been worse had she done it out of pure spite... I guess

cigcesser9 karma

how do you feel about/towards her now?

Tossitaway4sure15 karma

Knowing her situation, and her actions afterwards... I don't know her boyfriend seemed a controlling asshole. Who knows what he would have done.

thereisnosuchthing33 karma


she is NOT innocent or harmless in any way just because she's stupid

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

Too true which is why I have no interaction with her today.

kajunkennyg8 karma

Was the woman charged for lying?

Tossitaway4sure18 karma

In the US, there really isn't a charge for it perse, perjury requires proof beyond a reasonable doubt.

hoditsj1222 karma

Filing a false police report is a crime.

CloverFuchs2 karma

The cops would never charge her for it.

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

Exactly in this case there was enough to pursue which means that even if she recanted they would pursue a legal case. Welcome to our legal system. Sadly this does work in many cases...

Jadienn1 karma

I'd consider your innocent verdict proof, my friend.

MrArtless12 karma

not necessarily. Innocent means they couldn't prove he did. Doesn't mean they proved he didn't do it.

Jadienn-5 karma


malvoliosf10 karma

That's not semantics, that's the heart of the US legal system. You don't have to prove you're innocent, the government has to prove you're guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.

Of course, it goes both ways: they would have to prove his accuser was guilty, beyond a reasonable doubt, of filing a false report or of perjury.

Jadienn3 karma

I know, I was being a smart ass. :)

You're intelligent. (Not sarcastic, friend)

Tossitaway4sure1 karma

Victim claims aren't pursued at 100% in the US for obvious reasons. Even being the victim of one of a false claim, I still think victims claims should have the utmost importness in our claims.

Tossitaway4sure3 karma

Well you are not the public eye. Don't get wrong, there are many sexual assaults that go unpunished, we should make clear to the public eye. We should all step up, excuse me, we ALL NEED TO STEP UP!!!

iamaredditer6 karma

Did you sue her in small claims court for the expenses associated with this false crime?

Tossitaway4sure7 karma

See my above response: No, I didn't pursue a civil case as it would have cost atleast 100k dollars over 3-4 years and I just wanted to get on my life. But I assure you my first instinct as soon as the Detectives questioned me was the same thing. Especially when I was acquitted.

303030303030301 karma

So she basically goes free with no charges? You paid 80 grand to prove that you are not guilty and she just goes away like nothing happened? Shouldn't government press charges? Anything? What stops her for doing that again?

madeittotheusa2 karma

It's a touchy situation. Where techniquely the legal system did it's job but it's techniquely unfinished.

303030303030301 karma

Isn't there 5 years of prison for false testimony?

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

If it is proven, in our current legal system that is a very tall order to go against the accuser.

303030303030303 karma

So basically, women can throw false accusations around, ruin man financially and their reputation or put him through ~8 years of prison for nothing while not risking anything?

Tossitaway4sure3 karma

Anyone who causes a false accusation deserves to have said punishment put on them 4 fold. They victimize not only the true victims but the perverted justice of the those who where convicted under false pretense.

Tossitaway4sure1 karma

In the US, and most countries... Yes actually. It is apparently a defense against actual rapes.

303030303030302 karma

yeah, this must be one of the "male privileges" feminists keep talking about

fuck everything about this

Tossitaway4sure3 karma

Do I wish that false rapes accusations didn't happen? Ofcourse! I guess I just can't offset that justification with how many real rapes happen here in the US...

HSimpson8186 karma

are you on a sex offenders list now?

Tossitaway4sure13 karma

No, In this country you have to have an expungement to have the arrest fully removed from your records. Sadly people have been found innocent and still are considered sex offenders

hoditsj1217 karma

As someone who is going into law enforcement, I get pretty upset about the fact that a record of arrest doesn't go away if you are found not guilty. That is the one reason I would be apprehensive to arrest someone.

Leowind5 karma

I don't know if this is national or different from state to state, but I also get really upset about people getting their faces in the newspaper with a full story, you ruin someone both on record that can be pulled for job interviews AND get outed in public. :/

Tossitaway4sure5 karma

Anyone who hasn't been convicted should never have their face plasted in any newspaper or the likes in any country!!!

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

There are always two sides to one story, as a LEA please promise to always get both before you make a decision.

backyard_greenthumb2 karma

that will change when it's drilled into you that every suspect is a threat/criminal. that anyone with an american flag sticker is an extremist. that anyone with a band sticker or flatbill hat has drugs. have fun shooting dogs and arresting people for plants.

Tossitaway4sure1 karma

He can be his own man, let him make his own decisions!!!

hoditsj121 karma

They don't drill anything into you. You assume everyone you encounter wants to harm you, so that way you don't let your guard down in case someone does try to kill you, but that doesn't mean you have to be disrespectful. You have probably just had a bad encounter with police, it may have been even your fault, it may have not. Judging by your user name, looks like you didn't leave your bud at home. But don't assume what kind of cop I will be before when you have never met me.

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

HOD, don't mistake me saying that if you ever have a gun in your face that you shouldn't return deadly fire. You are our first line of defense. We depend on you. But always keep in mind humanity.

MrBellator5 karma

Allow me to say fuck the person that did that to you, but please don't fuck the person that did this to you

Ps sorry for the trouble she put you through

Tossitaway4sure1 karma

Shit Happens... God if only it were that simply to say

BasementOfCats5 karma

What do you think about feminism?

Tossitaway4sure65 karma

I think its great! Women are better then men at math and science at the moment in testing during high school. Yet they represent less the 7% of Forbes 500 CEO's. Feminism should never be equated to false rape acquisitions. That is a false equality.

fappatron1009 karma

This is a strange post. Math and scientific knowledge have little bearing on obtaining a CEO position. Climbing the corporate ladder has more to do with the desire to compete with peers for heavily sought after promotions. Numerous studies have found that women avoid competitive scenarios due to their preferences (extrapolating, many women are not in top positions because they choose not to be)


Tossitaway4sure2 karma

My point was more about the fact that women are performing much better then men at the moment. And that that % isnt represented in the Fortune 500. Come at me me with numbers if you want to dispute those figures.

travelcrip7 karma

You are awesome.

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

Sadly I think I am in the minority.

thewildly6 karma

I wish I could upvote that more than once. I'm sorry for what you went through, but I'm glsd to hear that distinction made. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Tossitaway4sure6 karma

Thankyou, life is a crazy thing, sometimes all you need is to be more up then down.

303030303030301 karma

What CEO has in common with high school math test?

Tossitaway4sure3 karma

Its not about what they have incommon with a Math Test its about that Women are out testing men at a crazy rate yet that rate isn't present in CEO numbers

303030303030301 karma

yeah I got that, as sophisticated and hard to deduct it was...

I guess there should be a reason while college dropouts like Zuckerberg make billions while girls with markers of different colors to underline class topics do not.

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

Man, you must be crazy that we indoctrinate girls to be ok to be less then a CEO while we are ok giving permission to boys to do what ever they want.

Qurlplz5 karma

How do you think we can change the legal system where false accusations of rape are punished and frowned upon without marring the reporting of actual rape and the prosecution of real rapists? Innocent until proven guilty seems to be the exception in sexually based crimes.

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

What if there was a 1/100 chance that your sister was raped? What law would you put into place to make sure she got justice.?

I dont know I figured the fact that mine had no DNA was enough.

Prizum3 karma

What total horseshit. People who wrongly accuse others of rape should be sent to jail for a long time. Never-mind that it takes practically nothing at all to just wildly tell people that you've "been raped" even without any proof, and it's devastating to the wrongly accused regardless of what happens thereafter. Fuck those people.

Tossitaway4sure1 karma

It doesn't happen like that. We get stigmatized and then get sent on.

blackbeltjonesy3 karma

For those of us who aren't aware of the backstory, would you mind enlightening us?

Also, do you find yourself less trusting of the opposite gender as a result of all of this?

Tossitaway4sure1 karma

Slept with girl, she got got mad, but b4 that left apartment with a smile on her face. Called ex/psuedo boyfriend, angry man apprently called for a call to police. Called them and started 2 year trial. Thats a rought outline good enough?

Hallegra2 karma

Link to the original article/post?

Tossitaway4sure1 karma

Thank you for linking that

Batbuns2 karma

Did this effect your family life?

hoditsj128 karma

His parents got divorced. Look above

Tossitaway4sure1 karma

Yep really badly

-Grazzhoppa2 karma

Were you studying at a university? Any consequences from the school?

Tossitaway4sure1 karma

Not really I withdrew from school when the charges came down.

Tossitaway4sure1 karma

Sorry, yes I was studying, but after the charges I withdrew.

iamaredditer2 karma

Did she or anyone else that lied get prosecuted for perjury?

Tossitaway4sure14 karma

No, I didn't pursue a civil case as it would have cost atleast 100k dollars over 3-4 years and I just wanted to get on my life. But I assure you my first instinct as soon as the Detectives questioned me was the same thing. Especially when I was acquitted.

Hallegra1 karma

Was there alcohol involved? What's your opinion on sex while under the influence of substances being constituted as rape?

-Grazzhoppa0 karma

It's not rape in a lot (most?) states. Only if they are so inebriated they can't consent.

Tossitaway4sure1 karma

It depends I think, we had been drinking together for a bit. So that did enter into court.

malvoliosf0 karma

It's not rape in any US state.

-Grazzhoppa1 karma


Tossitaway4sure1 karma

Actually in most states "Rape" can only occur when a male "enters" a "Female" by way way of probe. IE Penis Finger or any Item of a phallic state.

beezer2101 karma

What is your favorite color?

Tossitaway4sure1 karma


DoctaFunk1 karma

Has anyone that had foresaken you reach out to you and apologized?

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

No, but then I really didn't have too many forsaken me, although it did feel like it.

Green-Boots1 karma

What happened to the person who accused you? Did she get time?

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

No, and to be honest I have no clue what she has done lately.

Green-Boots1 karma

Hopefully karma will do her work on that waste of space. :)

Tossitaway4sure4 karma

Who knows I don't work in that department as I am a confirmed Atheist!

Illinois_smith1 karma

How has this affected your social life? And even dating? Do you often have to explain yourself to other people?

Tossitaway4sure1 karma

I moved to live in another state that should be evident enough.

i_crave_more_cowbell1 karma

Did being labeled a rapist affect your life in any ways you didn't expect.

Tossitaway4sure2 karma

Yes in many ways, I have started drinking quite heavily afterwards

MuscleMansMom1 karma

Have you read a book called "The Art of Racing in the Rain"?

Tossitaway4sure1 karma

No I haven't; Whats it about?

Tossitaway4sure-2 karma

Gosh if only there was the one guy to party

roastedbagel-7 karma

Where's the proof?

Tossitaway4sure5 karma

Well I have the expungement papers that I am willing to give to the mods, I will however load up the abducted ones in just a bit

Tossitaway4sure5 karma

The expungement doc on the header should you want to see it