Epic Meal Time

I used to enjoy trolling the kids. Sometimes I would have a tv set up at the front of the class so when the kids came in they were all like "yessss! We're watching a movie!" and then after taking attendance I'd be like "Oh! This TV is from the earlier class....weird.....take out your textbooks and turn to page.."

I ain't no bitch.

....until now. How was it?

You can be the sauce boss from now....

Hashish.

I had a guy offer me his girlfriend for a night after a live show once. She was down. They were both begging. I felt weird inside. There are lots more opportunities with the opposite sex for me now, but there must be a balance. Being with too many partners will certainly make you feel gross. I'm a clean freak and I like to know someone first, so I never get down with random sluts. I like to know someone's not psycho before i finger their mouth with my penis.

I can finally afford a gaming PC!!!

I never gave up teaching. My voicemail still says "Harley Morenstein substitute teacher and host of EpicMealTime..." I currently don't teach because I have close to 3 million subscribers on YouTube that wait for a video each week and my students totally understand that I have a responsibility to make it rain baconstrips online!

Sometimes I go to Wendy's and the employees start sweating. They start tripping out and I'm usually just in there for a single Baconator.

Yes. I would kill a pig for bacon.